The 'forces of darkness' ('astral beings') — My own tough experiences

Introduction

This account, in addition to its function of general awareness raising, is intended to give support to other people with similar or related issues, so that they can more readily recognise the true nature of their issues and embark on a non-engagement and active clearance strategy, being encouraged by knowing of my having come out the other side not merely unscathed but actually now relatively immune — and still increasingly so — to all that garbage garbage (sic), and in better shape than ever.

This is NOT a belief issue

Let me clarify here that until this issue came to my notice in 2003 I'd had no overt recognition of or indeed belief in there being any seemingly external 'forces of evil' or 'dark forces' (but I did use such terms sometimes just as imagery), and particularly, I had no overt belief in the existence of any ultimate being of evil such as Satan. Indeed, I had a strong suspicion that the manifestation of 'dark entities' or other untoward non-physical or 'paranormal' phenomena was the product of particular people's belief in such things, and that people who didn't have such beliefs wouldn't experience such things.

I did, however, have a lifelong morbid dread of 'the occult' and 'the paranormal' and kept well away from any related activities and indeed from people who engaged in them. Particularly since my crossing the enlightenment threshold, I haven't regarded anything as intrinsically good or evil, for these are just labels that we stick on things according to how our own beliefs judge them.

It was after that transition that I eventually allowed myself to start getting involved in spiritual healing and 'lightwork' for the purpose of assisting my own and ultimately all people's 'spiritual opening up'* — but I still kept well clear of anything else psychic or 'occult', for which I still had that underlying dread**.

Although the garbage, which manifested for me as the 'astral beings' that I write about below, had an agenda and behaviour that most people would equate with the utmost evil, I don't judge it or its manifestations in terms of good / evil, for they were simply as they were* so no useful purpose is served by condemnation (which is actually just more garbage-sourced outlook and behaviour).

However, whether or not I or anyone choose to judge the garbage and its manifestations, it caused me major problems, disrupting my life and subjecting me to nightmarish or even hellish experiences, in ways that were clearly underlain by some sort of agenda either to make me into a garbage 'puppet' or to wreck or destroy me — and this is what I relate below.

My understanding, albeit necessarily somewhat speculative, based on observations and augmented and reinforced by my use of inner inquiry supported by Helpfulness Testing, is that the garbage interferes with EVERYONE, albeit usually more or less covertly, so we aren't talking about anything peculiar to myself except for my having been targeted for some very rough treatment, and my having been able to apply an exceptional clarity of mind to what I was going through, so that I progressively came to establish what was really going on.

It's the extent of my self-honesty that's really exceptional and all too widely seen as 'peculiar' (i.e., in a pejorative sense). Going into denial serves nobody well, no matter whether one denies the garbage's harmful agenda or the very existence of the garbage as something apparently separate from or external to oneself.

"Aren't your troublesome entities just creations of your own mind?"

I give an answer to that frequent comment / question in my FAQ Corner (1) page. I also have a very pertinent comment in My own self-actualization process or 'path' — Part 1.

In addition, please refer to the section immediately above, because that straight-away nails the myth that some people come up with, that my untoward experiences have been caused simply by thought forms created by my (alleged) belief in the existence of a 'dark force', and, supposedly, all I'd ever needed to do in order to clear myself of all those manifestations was simply to let go of that (alleged but actually non-existent) belief, and then all the interferences would dissipate and I'd never again experience any such interferences and attacks, because there really was nothing to interfere / attack in the first place!

People who made such claims were indeed themselves afraid of countenancing the possibility that what I'm calling the garbage really was real, and so they sought to impose their own fear-based belief system on people like me who made them feel uncomfortable by looking at what was actually there instead of taking on a belief system or somebody's 'teachings' (which latter of course is just more belief system).

This is NOT a protection issue

Let me say straight away in response to various well-intentioned but unhelpful responses that I've had from people, that the issue I'm relating is not one that could have been avoided or could be stopped by 'protecting' myself in one of the ways that psychic people consider necessary for their safety when giving healing, channelling or otherwise opening up their psychic or supposedly 'higher' perceptions.

My understanding is that this type of issue, whether for myself or anyone else, is always one for which normal psychic protection methods are ineffective. Indeed, as explained in Healing and self-actualization — The safest and quickest way, my understanding nowadays is that those normal psychic protection methods, generally used by 'healers', psychics and 'lightworkers', are ALL more or less ineffective, even for other issues than garbage interferences, and, if anything, tend to increase one's vulnerability to whatever one is seeking to protect oneself from.

It was the garbage that was deceiving all those people into taking on those useless (and indeed to a certain extent actually harmful) methods, in order to ensure that they remain unawarely open and vulnerable to the garbage, and to divert them from taking up a truly protective methodology — which is none other than comprehensive genuine self-actualization, which progressively renders people immune to its interferences (or, nowadays, left-over patterns of brain function that mimic those interferences).

I myself, through my own cultivated immunity, am my own greatest 'protector', and indeed, as far as I can tell, have thus been immune (or, in one early case, nearly immune) to a number of potentially lethal psychic attacks that were sent to me over the first few years after I started developing an effective working model and methodology, without any need to go worrying myself about 'trying to protect' myself (i.e., apart from continuing with my ongoing self-actualization and clearance work).

However, although the standard notion of 'protection' is unhelpful, it's meaningful to make oneself progressively better grounded and stronger in 'energy' terms, so progressively disempowering left-over garbage influences and making oneself eventually invulnerable to them. I've plenty to say on that in 'Dark force' and entity troubles — The real way to clear them.

"Shouldn't you be engaging in constructive dialogue with these entities?"

It used to be put to me by various people* that I should** be engaging the 'entities' in constructive dialogue in order to find out why they're with me and to resolve my issue with them. — Barmy! As such (actually illusory) 'entities' are just manifestations of the garbage, which itself can very constructively be regarded as rogue programming in thought energy (or thought forms), to engage in dialogue with 'them' would be tantamount to asking a computer virus why it's on your computer.*** Try it sometime!

People who urged me to do such an extremely unhelpful thing hadn't read and understood the information on this page and clearly had little or no understanding of the actual situation and the nature of these 'entities', which were simply illusory manifestations of the garbage. Indeed, the notion of constructive dialogue with such completely illusory (and 100% programming driven) manifestations was quite meaningless. I explain the apparent true nature of the garbage and its various manifestations, including 'astral entities', in The true nature of 'the forces of darkness' and its interference and attacks.

I make it pretty clear in the account below, that, owing to my confusion over the identity of the source of the many communications, I had plenty of apparent dialogue with the 'entities' in 2003 and 2004 (and indeed at times in 2005), after which I settled on a supposedly constructive confrontational strategy — because through my previously being in dialogue with the 'entities' I'd actually been empowering them and through those illusions the garbage had consistently been seeking destructive control over me — and indeed it got near to wrecking me.

As I eventually came to understand, getting into confrontation with the 'entities', although it seemed sort-of comforting at the time, was simply reinforcing their existence as garbage-sourced illusions, even though probably not as much as having dialogue with them and getting entangled in the convolutions of 'story' with which 'they' regularly sought to ply me. Indeed any sort of interaction with 'them' or indeed acknowledgement of them as 'real' (i.e., non-illusory) would have just compounded any problems.

"Sir, you are dealing with demonic forces and are in great trouble. You need the Lord and the Bible…"

A clear case of the pot calling the kettle 'black'! Some twisted and puffed-up evangelical Christians with a great sense of their own self-importance respond in the above manner to any allusion of mine to having a methodology that's got me out of a pretty desperate hole in a way that no previously extant methodology or belief system could come near to doing.

Even 'Jesus' himself, if he'd been living close-by when I was going through my 'dark years', would have compounded rather than fixed my problem, because he too was clearly unawarely being led by the garbage, and hadn't the groundedness and clear belief-free rationality that's needed in order to work out the real solution(s) to garbage-related issues!

Let's not pussyfoot with distorted and seriously harmful individuals like the one quoted in the heading above. My succinct answer (not necessarily expressed overtly quite like that, but which sums up what I aim to communicate) is simply something like Now kindly just run along and cock the other leg in a place far removed! — and to get away from them as soon as possible, amusedly drawing a clear mental line under the encounter! Never mind too much about causing offence if it takes that to help cut them loose and get away from them!

When people go on about 'demonic forces', what they're unawarely doing is strongly cultivating and perpetuating the supposed (illusory of course) 'demonic forces' they rail against! I got myself out of a hell of a hole with the rationally-based methodology that I eventually developed outside all belief systems and traditions, so there's NO valid or rational cause for anyone at all to seek to persuade or browbeat me into involvement with any different approach, methodology, or, of all silly things, a belief system or indeed religion! Whether they like it / 'agree' with it or not, I myself demonstrably became the practical 'expert' in how to understand and master what I was dealing with, so everyone who thinks they know better than me about it can simply p*ss off!

How did the 'entities' get to me in the first place?

They did not, and indeed could not. As already explained, such 'entities' were really illusions created in one's mind by the garbage, which was always connected to every one of us (like an always-on broadband Internet connection that you have no means of disconnecting), because its interferences were coming through the astral non-reality, which was an intrinsic aspect of reality and of consciousness itself.

The real question to ask here is, Why was this guy Philip Goddard apparently targeted by the garbage for attempts to disrupt his life and wreck / destroy him?. That I go into much further on.

My 'interesting times', with a vengeance!

When did I first notice garbage interference of any sort?

Actually, I first noticed it (although of course not having any idea of its true nature) as soon as I became aware as an extremely young child, probably in the second half of 1944, when I was just two years old, for from then onwards I had the most diabolical night hells — indeed, I soon had two 'levels' of them, so that when I sought to escape from the basic 'hardcore' level I was caught in the other level.

I explain about all that in Night terrors and hell experiences — Understanding and clearing them. However, it wasn't till late 2005 that I came to realize that those hellish nocturnal experiences in my early childhood were what was generally known as night terrors.

At that time in my early childhood I had no idea at all of what was going on for me, nor why (let alone that any of that was anything to do with 'dark forces' or 'the dark side' — which I hadn't heard about at that stage. Indeed I had no indications that anyone else at all had been through the same sort of thing, and so I was left with an extremely isolating general impression that there seemed to be something wrong or 'blighted' or 'doomed' about my very existence.

After the night hells abruptly stopped when I was six, and up to a few months after I'd started channelling in 2003 (when I was 61), with only occasional exceptions any attacks from the garbage were almost only covert (though presumably being a major factor in the undue intensity of painful emotions I experienced in response to particular everyday situations).

However, on four occasions in particular the attacks were at 'severe' level, when I had quite traumatic emotional responses to particular situations, though still not realizing that I was being attacked, and was thus left wondering whether there was something fundamentally wrong with me — which notion fed further into the torment of the attacks as the garbage used that as additional ammunition against me.

• I well remember one night when I was probably about 9, when my brother woke up crying from a 'night terror' experience that he was having, and this triggered in me a hellish storm of inner fear and dark images, which wasn't a recurrence of my old night hells (night terrors) but was very likely my first really strong attack from the garbage since the hells.

• During the same period (when I was at junior school) on one early morning I awoke from a 'dream' scene feeling shocked and sort-of devastated. In that scene I was about to wander into my previous school (Harrow Weald Infants School), but my way was barred by high greyish railings, part of which were formed into a gate, which was closed.

  The railings were within a cascade of extremely dismal-seeming water, and across the railings within the falling water was a sign in individually attached letters, saying Drug Club — except that the letter 'J' (sic) in it (make of that what you will!) was coming loose and was moving about irregularly in the flow of water, pivoting on one remaining point of attachment in a menacing way, as though something unthinkably terrible would happen when it broke off.

  This was in a drear and chilling grey light that had a slight tinge of a dull blue-greenish about it, and the feeling that I had was a combination of a sort of stultifyingly intense loathing-horror combined with a devastating-feeling sort of washed out cold and dreary feeling, which latter stayed with me for a long time afterwards and always returned to me a bit every time I remembered that experience*.

  * I also got that horrible feeling to a certain extent later on, immediately following climax when I masturbated — virtually every time. That effect gradually became less pronounced over the years, though didn't altogether cease to be noticeable until I was well into middle age, no doubt because by then I'd transformed mere masturbation into a much more positive solo proxy 'lovemaking' experience, which made it much more difficult for the garbage to bring in that particular phenomenon.

  When I mentioned that 'dream' to my mother some years later, she said she thought I must have picked up the bit about 'Drug Club' from news reports at about that time, of drug clubs among schoolchildren in the USA — though I hadn't consciously noticed those particular news reports. When I was at school there I was definitely not aware of any local issue of drug clubs or even of drug misuse, so drug misuse had altogether rarely been an issue that had come to my notice then.

  My inner inquiry now, using Helpfulness Testing, indicates that what I'd experienced then wasn't really a true dream at all but something more like a brief recurrence of second-level hell, but, unlike almost any other second-level hell that I can remember, this incorporated elements of base level revulsion hell, and consequently instead of my being attacked with feelings of fear and terror I was being attacked with revulsion plus magnified and highly distorted birth trauma feelings.

  It was the latter that was also being used in less strong attacks on me in later years, following climax of virtually every masturbation of mine.

• In about 1975 I watched a television play by David Rudkin called Pender's Fen (when I visited friends, as I had — and still have — no TV myself). I felt as though an inner hell had been opened up by my watching that, and it took me a few days to recover.

• I had a similarly traumatic emotional response to an early poem — The In-Between People — that I wrote in 1973, which opened up an inner hellish vision that seemed so powerful that it was going to take over my everyday 'reality' and destroy me.

Those attacks, however, although nothing like as powerful as what I received after I'd started channelling, were more upsetting and generally troublesome for me because I wasn't enlightened then and got into the emotional state* of fear, anxiety etc.., whereas since enlightenment I've been generally detached from old trauma feelings. Indeed, during even the severest attacks, although I had massively strong and nightmarish feelings, only to a small extent did I enter the emotional state of those feelings — even full throttle terror — and thus was able to handle the situation in ways that aren't yet open to most people.

What actually happened

If I were to write down all the details of the breathtakingly convoluted multiplicity of what the garbage took me through during those ordeals it would surely fill at least one sizeable book, and indeed would make some quite amazing reading. However, by now many details have dropped from my memory, and in any case a lot of 'story' would just get in the way of our arriving at true understanding.

So, I want to make it clear that what I recount below is just a précis for educational purposes — NOT intended to be a fascinating / entertaining autobiography —, with some 'highlights' (if that's quite the right word for such experiences!) of what I went through. If you find it indeed fascinating or entertaining, that's purely incidental. It's what learning and positive life-change support you can gain from it that really matters.

The direction is set…

As recounted in some detail in My own self-actualization process or 'path' — Part 1, an absolutely immense load of emotional trauma material that I appeared to be carrying, completely unaccounted for by my childhood experiences apart from the night hells, was strongly seeking release and really forced me, via an emotional crisis in 1972, to embark upon an emotional clearance process, then through the actually highly inefficient and problematical method known as Re-evaluation Counselling.

Later on I became excluded from the local Re-evaluation Counselling 'community' owing to the inevitable internal politics of such 'communities' (based in collusions of people's patterns of limited awareness), but at the end of 1992, owing to increasing spinal problems and particularly my neck becoming seriously and disruptively troublesome, I finally took up the Alexander Technique, which 'saved' me from those spinal troubles but also helped me cultivate a deeper and more consistent ongoing awareness regarding all my everyday experiences and what was going on in my mind.

I was thus becoming a very adept, questioning and detached observer of all that I experienced, including all my 'inner' experiences — though in truth this was already a strong tendency of mine, which had previously served me extremely well in my 'saving' myself with my particularly aware and adept use of Re-evaluation Counselling, and indeed which had enabled me to take to the Alexander Technique like a duck to water (but more awarely!).

This was undoubtedly how it was that, on the first evening of 1997, while reading the first book on Buddhism that I'd ever read (The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying, by Sogyal Rinpoche), I actually spontaneously gained fundamental clarity — what would more usually be described as 'becoming enlightened'.

Clearly, in that particular respect I'd gained spectacularly from my reading that book, but also it had started leading me astray, into the 'spirituality' scene, which was really all a side-track provided to us by the garbage in order to divert us away from self-actualization and into the clutches of, yes, the garbage.

Indeed, more than that. I went on to read books by other supposedly 'great' Tibetan 'masters', and actually from my current viewpoint of really enlightened hindsight, I see the writings and teachings of all those so-called 'masters' as thick with overt dark practices and indeed 'dark philosophy' to a horrific extent. The whole supposed uppermost tier of Tibetan Buddhism — the Vajrayana — appears to be an absolute hotbed of dark practices all pretending to be taking people into enlightenment and self-actualization.

Anyway, I didn't know about all that back then, so I thought at first that I myself must be a Buddhist — but as I kept reading all that stuff from the Tibetan 'masters' I got increasingly alienated from it, because of all the beliefs that these 'masters' were expecting their students and followers to take up, including beliefs in the most horrific 'menagerie' of hells for people who didn't 'toe the Party Line' and in some way fell out with their 'master' or openly pointed out shortcomings in their teachings or their disgusting power hierarchy.

So, I came to regard myself as a mystic outside any named traditions — but the problem was that I'd nonetheless landed myself with the basic notion of 'spirituality' being my way forward, so I thus saw myself as being on a high-level 'spiritual path'. Onwards from late 1998, when I got into spiritual healing, this new outlook of mine progressively gained a lot of more 'New Agey' sort of belief baggage from the healing 'fraternity', albeit superficially less 'dark'-looking than the belief and control agenda baggage of Tibetan Buddhism.

Little did I realize that this was all getting particular aspects of my awareness increasingly ungrounded, and various parts of my (actually intrinsically unusually strong) non-physical aspects (often harmfully thought of as one's 'energy system') were getting increasingly weakened and thus increasingly open and vulnerable to garbage interference.

Among the 'New-Age' beliefs that I took on (although not really as full-blooded beliefs, but more as an open-minded sort of 'this is how it appears to be'), were things like the existence of different dimensions of reality / consciousness, in which exist a massive 'menagerie' of different types of non-physical beings, ranging from demons and other 'dark' entities at the bottom end to angels, archangels and so on at the top or 'divine' end.

And I got taken in with a particular version of the 'New Age' 'mass human ascension' scenario, which latter had always seemed wrong to me and I never accepted. The version that I did accept came from Chris Thomas (henceforth abbreviated to CT), a psychic surgeon, who, although he was unsuspectingly in deep trouble with his own unaware garbage interferences, I did like and respect. His version of that scenario involved people reaching what he called 'full consciousness' here on Earth, without any airy-fairy notion of 'ascension' into some supposed higher dimension.

That seemed more down-to-earth and plausible — but, in the scenario about this that he'd channelled, it was all being organised by 'higher', non-physical beings and extra-terrestrials, who were really controlling our lives and giving us a time schedule as to when we absolutely had to reach 'full consciousness' or the whole 'Human Plan' (apparently all a big experiment by 'higher' beings and indeed the supposed 'Creator Consciousness' itself) would have failed. As I now understand it, all that sort of stuff about 'humanity' being manipulated or controlled in such ways by any sort of external beings or powers, is troublesome fiction that had come to us from the garbage in order for it to gain more control over us.

Anyway, not content with Reiki, because I wanted to get my load of emotional traumas fully cleared off as soon as possible, and clearly Reiki wasn't going to achieve that for me within this lifetime, I diversified my spiritual healing methods, until in the summer of 2003 I first started using sacred geometry 'healing' wands, which, although I thought at that time they were my great step forward, proved to be actually nothing of the sort and were one hell (sic) of a step towards my imminent near nemesis at the 'hands' of the garbage, both directly and via psychic attack from one or more actual people, particularly the following….

Gordon Hughes (henceforth abbreviated to GH), the 'lightworker' who made and supplied those wands, taught me a procedure called the Merkaba Activation attunement, which used one of the wands (actually the so-called Advanced St Germain wand — the lower of the two illustrated above).

The procedure involved using the particular wand to draw in the air the merkaba symbol on various 'chakras' and other supposed energy centres on and around one's body in a particular order. This was claimed to be very powerful as a fundamental healing and 'spiritual opening up' procedure, but its effects were actually simply more serious ungrounding and garbage connecting.

Then, there was just one more little factor to add into the virulently festering can of worms that I was unwittingly creating for myself…

The bait is set…

During September and early October 2003 I started dowsing, using a pendulum, in a more purposeful and effective way than hitherto. Previously to that, pendulum dowsing had never seemed to work very strongly or reliably for me, but the breakthrough came when I started using the pendulum technique used by an apparently highly reputed dowser — David Lockwood (henceforth abbreviated to DL), then of Launceston, Cornwall — who I'd encountered in early August that year at a 'Mind, Body and Soul' fair at Bude. He'd been scheduled to give an afternoon talk there on 'Entities'.

Actually at that point I didn't have a very strong interest in entities*, except that by that time I'd been in healing situations with a few people where supposed 'spirit attachments' were involved, and so suspected that I was being progressively 'guided' towards eventually using my healing abilities to resolve various 'entity' issues. In fact, if I hadn't already made very friendly contact with DL at that fair before lunch, most likely I'd not have bothered at all about a talk entitled 'Entities'.

In the event I was the only person who turned up for that talk, so DL abandoned that, and we got talking and he offered to demonstrate some dowsing, and indeed to dowse on environmental stresses affecting my flat in Exeter and take simple healing measures to clear them.

DL was a really nice, good natured and generous man — and indeed on a subsequent occasion he spontaneously and voluntarily attempted to assist me with my by then very well established 'entity' (i.e., really garbage) troubles — though inevitably unsuccessfully, as noted much further below.

Anyway, on this occasion he dowsed with his pendulum and quickly came up with the news that I had a major environmental stress in my flat, which was bound to be affecting my health. It was an underground watercourse right below my flat (I'm second, indeed top, floor, so the people on the two floors below presumably would have still more of a problem from that).

To my amazement, DL then invoked 'Archangel Raphael' to move that watercourse to be positioned away from under that building, so that, he said, nobody would be greatly adversely affected by it. I was amazed that such a feat could be done by simply invoking an archangel and letting one's pendulum keep swinging to indicate eventually when the task was done (i.e., in a matter of a very few minutes!).

I was also quite a bit puzzled, because I'd have thought that if the watercourse really were moved, unless its course were drawn into various very unlikely, and, one could say, physically meaningless, loops and convolutions, it simply couldn't help but cause problems for other people, no matter what he said about it being moved so as not to have significant adverse effect upon anyone.

However, I was really struck by DL's complete confidence in what he was doing, and took this to be a sign that he was a true 'professional' who I could learn from really usefully. On the other hand there was one little point that even then raised in my mind a very significant question about the nature of his abilities and his supposed 'professionalism'. At the end of his dowsing demonstration he said he was now going to go through a brief 'closing down' procedure — i.e., to close his chakras down.

Even then I understood that this was a widespread myth in at least Western healing traditions — that you need to 'close down' at the end of a healing or dowsing or channelling session — and I at once told DL what I understood about that — that you're more 'protected' with energized chakras (widely but completely wrongly described as 'open') than de-energized ones (widely described as 'closed' — again quite wrongly).

So, DL dowsed on the question as to whether he needed to 'close down' at the end of his sessions, and he got a 'yes' to that, and then he dowsed similarly on whether I myself needed to do that, and he got a 'no'. So, it looked like another bit of that 'each to his own' dictum of so many contemporary healing and mystical traditions — a sure-fire way of ensuring that nobody really looks carefully and critically at what's really going on and starts recognising and eliminating problematical influences.

Even though I'd no idea then that he was innocently being led and manipulated by the garbage, I felt a deep 'knowing' that there had to be something wrong about his attachment to that absurd and (to me) quite obviously harmful practice of 'closing down', and the way his dowsing neatly let him off the hook in the face of my concerned but friendly challenge. I assumed at the time that it was just his belief in 'closing down' that had influenced his dowsing to get him a 'convenient' but wrong answer that conformed with his belief.

My understanding now is that this was a case of the garbage sending the same misinformation to me from different channels in order to 'throw me off the track' and ensure that I didn't — at least for some good while — find out what was really causing all my troubles. In fact I could have saved myself an immense amount of trouble simply by systematically identifying and removing or neutralizing the various environmental stress sources in my flat.

But then I didn't yet know about, let alone actually have, 'energy testing' (much more recently renamed to Helpfulness Testing), nor indeed the Energy Egg and Guardian Angel nor the later, more effective, Clarity-Sphere (the latter now replaced with use of a still more advanced and efficient methodology), which would have enabled me to achieve that end (and much more!) and thus to dramatically get really purposefully resolving my whole situation.

If I'd had the insights that I have now when I was encountering DL or CS for the first time, I'd have recognised at once masses of signs of their both being very seriously — albeit unawarely — under the control of the garbage. For your amusement and edification you may like to peruse my long but by no means comprehensive list of signs of a person having garbage interference / influences, in The true nature of 'the forces of darkness' and its interference and attacks.

I still feel genuinely sorry about those two individuals being so (unwittingly) led by the garbage, for they were both lovely guys with whom I'd have gladly maintained an ongoing friendship, and I felt a 'brotherly' link with both (even though I never physically met CS) — but it's been crucial that I remain fully true to myself and what I see going on, and not get diverted as a result of a misplaced sense of 'kindness' or 'loyalty' towards people who I like and who might be upset or feel hurt by my publicly stating important things that have become so apparent to me through my own observations.

I want to emphasize here that it's only my particular circumstances that have singled out DL and CS. The truth appears to be that virtually ALL 'healers', psychics, mediums, channels, mystics, people in religions and spiritual paths — whether gurus, 'Masters', or followers of same — are, in their various ways, similarly in deep trouble through being (normally unawarely) led and to varying extents controlled or manipulated by the garbage — as I explain in The true nature of 'the forces of darkness' and its interference and attacks.

I'm not going to describe what was 'different' about DL's pendulum technique to make it so much more effective than the manner in which I myself had been attempting dowsing previously (indeed, very much as widely practised), because I don't want to encourage anyone to try it and land themselves with massively more problems than they'd ever bargained for.

Anyway, the point is that presently I started experimentally using his pendulum technique in dowsing, and was greatly pleased and excited to find that with this level of technique, dowsing came up with answers every time, and even answers that gave me more information than simply 'yes' or 'no', such as the strength of the 'yes' or 'no', so prompting further questions that enabled me to obtain quite detailed 'information' about things.

Using this technique, and, where appropriate (so I thought at the time), taking my cue from DL and invoking archangels and 'ascended masters', I sought to bring about positive changes and healing and 'entity' clearance for the odd people.

I used this method with a friend of mine during a telephone conversation with him, and within a very few minutes 'established' that he had a small cancerous growth in a specific position near the top of the ascending limb of his colon — something he'd been completely unaware of, though his lifestyle and addictions ensured that he was a cancer disaster just waiting to happen, and he already had a very long-standing lower gut problem (diagnosed as 'ulcerative colitis') and a medically diagnosed low-level prostate cancer.

Amazingly, a bit later on he had a colonoscopy at his local hospital, and, lo and behold, they actually found (and removed) a polyp in exactly the position that my dowsing had indicated. The polyp was supposedly benign, not cancerous — though polyps in the colon are known to be pretty well all potentially cancerous and thus important to remove.

Prior to that colonoscopy I'd sent the friend a lot of 'healing' (remotely) supposedly to clear the alleged cancer, so I don't know whether the polyp had actually been slightly cancerous when I'd located it, and it had recovered to a benign state by the time the specialist found it (and indeed was altogether receding by that time, as my dowsing indicated), nor whether or to what extent I was being tricked about its actual status. — In much later retrospect I'm pretty sure that my 'healings' for him would have achieved nothing worthwhile.

Anyway, my friend reported to me that the specialist at the hospital had been amazed and deeply puzzled, that a friend of his (i.e., I myself) had, through use of a pendulum during a telephone conversation, been able to precisely locate that polyp (though at least note that 'small cancerous growth', not 'polyp', was specified in my original dowsing).

That wasn't something that could be dismissed in the way that medics generally dismiss anything that's outside their materialist-reductionist belief system, and it carried an especial weight of authenticity, for my friend had told the specialist about my locating his colon growth before the colonoscopy was carried out, so it looked disconcertingly as though I had indeed by some means beyond medical understanding managed to locate and identify my friend's particular internal problem — and during a telephone conversation! Weird!

Anyway, the apparent success of what I was doing was leading me to get bolder with the alleged healings (using pendulum and invoking archangels / 'ascended masters'), and I went on to carry out a small number of attempts (mostly remotely) to remove supposed 'entities' from people.

This, unfortunately, led to my too slavishly following the answers given in my dowsing, and the odd individuals were getting uneasy about me, and indeed one person who I'd sought to 'help' remotely in this way was greatly upset at my giving her a remote diagnosis of a small breast cancer that needed attention, and she quite understandably angrily demanded that I never contact her again (though a more rational and helpful response would have been to take the cue and have a medical check-up just in case).

That left me with a troubled and uneasy feeling as though I was some sort of emerging 'great' 'healer' but also seemed to have something seriously flawed or 'broken' about me that was already starting to wreck any reputation I might build up, and would leave me doomed to some unthinkable fate resulting from severe karmic repercussions of myself as a 'great' 'healer' being a failure and getting various things 'wrong'. What I didn't know then was that the garbage was actually manipulating me and my feelings to give me exactly that impression, and it was a foretaste of what was coming up just round the corner…

 

"RAPE HIM!" — My disobedience to a 'Master'

The conundrum of trickery by a supposed Ascended Master

The garbage first made itself known to me in a more direct way through deception and trickery when I started channelling in October 2003* (still using a pendulum at that stage) — though until early April 2004 I assumed that all the communications were from the purported higher beings and not 'lower' beings** because my intent to communicate only with specific higher beings and never 'astral beings' was always so strong.

The communications purported to be, initially, from an 'ascended master' in the '4th dimension'* calling himself Ahn, who also said he was really Maitreya operating under a new name. I couldn't understand his harshness and his reckless tricks upon me, but shrugged my shoulders and assumed that for some reason these were necessary for my particular 'learning path'.

The first major trick*, supposedly coming from 'Ahn', was to involve me in an elaborate scenario in which the whole of Humanity had supposedly been put en masse onto a two-week accelerated transition to full consciousness, at the end of which Maitreya was allegedly going to stop people everywhere in the world in their wayward tracks by making a simultaneous telepathic announcement to every single person on Earth that he was now world leader and they'd all be living as fully enlightened beings from then on**.

Allegedly I had a very important role in preparing for this, and it involved, among various other things, my having to fully reopen my connection with a certain charismatic man called Dominic (henceforth abbreviated to D) who I'd been introduced to once by a friend and was then living near Land's End in Cornwall, and who was purportedly supposed to be one of our 'team' to be working with Maitreya.

'Ahn' told me that I was to achieve this by staying with D for the particular weekend, indeed 'sleeping' with him — and I was given simulations of D telepathically inviting me to do so, complete with bouts of strong erotic feelings that were supposedly communications from D but which I later realized had been just the work of the 'entities' (i.e., the garbage).

At the time this seemed a very attractive prospect indeed, for when I was originally introduced to D I felt an apparent very strong and deep connection with him and indeed greatly relished the idea of 'sleeping' with him — subject to the desire to 'sleep' together being truly mutual. And apparently now I had him telepathically inviting me to do just that — Wow!

The evening and night following that 'revelation' was actually quite typical of the sort of thing that I was to experience in the lead-up to climax of each of my really major crisis events.

I was already well entangled with an immense convolution of 'story' from 'Ahn', and, having put on my self-realization website various pieces of information about him and this great world scenario that had been channelled to me, and even a little bit about my own alleged role in it, all with the encouragement of 'Ahn', I was now suddenly told by 'Ahn' that I now had to delete all mention of that and of him from my website.

No, the task couldn't wait for tomorrow but had to be done now, and completely, so that there would be no reference at all to him or the great plan any longer on my computer. It was already late for my normal bedtime, and I was weary after a few nights with little or no sleep due to my supposedly having to keep on channelling, but I did the task.

But then, once I'd switched the computer off, hoping to get to bed then, 'Ahn' indicated that the task on the computer wasn't yet finished, because there were still mentions of him on my computer, and for those to remain would be completely unacceptable (and implicitly, my not complying with his instructions would bring upon me severe retributive karma).

It turned out that he was referring to the fact that although I'd deleted blocks of text, and, I think, a whole web page or two, the text itself still remained on the computer's hard disk, though it wasn't now accessible by ordinary, everyday application software. The time was now nearing midnight, but NO! — 'Ahn' was insistent that I had to go online right then and purchase a program called Eraser, which would securely erase the data in all unallocated space on one's hard disk. Feeling increasingly stressed and exasperated by all this, I obeyed and then ran the program to do that secure deletion, which took some time.

Then, when I'd finished that, 'Ahn' indicated that there was still a problem — the (implicitly severe retributive) karma I'd generated for myself by ever having put his name in public.

I was so weary and ungrounded then that I'd taken on board his claims that (it seemed) virtually anything I did as a 'healer' or in my alleged special role for Humanity would cause me severe karma, so I was really getting rather frightened and feeling overwhelmed by something that seemed just too much to handle. It appeared that the very least thing that I was doing from then on was causing me serious 'karma', each bit of which needed to be recognised and then cleared if I were not to have unimaginably horrendous things happen to me at some future time.

What sort of life was this that I'd now entered into? In anguish and despair I asked 'Ahn' what the hell I was supposed to do about that karma. BURN THE HOUSE DOWN! — BURN THE HOUSE DOWN!, rasped a faint almost unimaginably harsh and abrasive sort-of man's voice. That was the first time that I'd ever directly heard a 'voice' from a supposed non-physical being.

I was so new to this sort of garbage that I really took that seriously, and my anguish was extreme. Oh no, please no!, I responded, Please, surely there must be another way! — To which 'Ahn' indicated that there was indeed another way: for me to hitch-hike down to D and 'sleep' with the latter there! That would supposedly clear all that karma. This didn't seem all that plausible to me, but I appeared to be in no position to dwell on my increasing inner doubts about what was really going on.

There followed various convolutions as I then received supposed telepathic communications from D, and some particular response of mine to something that he 'said' caused him (i.e., an extremely inept imitation of him) to go all sulky and quite unlike any sort of enlightened or near-enlightened person who I'd really want to know. That in itself raised in my mind various question marks over what was really going on here, because this simply didn't 'add up' — but at this stage of the proceedings I was just too fearful of possible karmic consequences if I rebelled against 'Ahn' in any material way.

I was then instructed, no, not to go to bed, but to start trying to enable myself to be 'teleported' to D's place. So, I made various attempts, with 'Ahn' supposedly trying to work something to make it happen, but of course nothing did happen apart from my no doubt having got still more ungrounded. And then finally, well on in the small hours, when I so much wanted to go to bed and have at least a little sleep, 'Ahn' told me that, no, as the teleportation wasn't working for me yet, I'd have to set out there and then to hitch-hike there.

Maybe I had a cursory breakfast first — I don't remember now — but then I set out in the dark and indeed had an hour or so's wait by the A30 in the dark before my first lift eventually came.

Thus, extremely weary after a night with no sleep at all and masses of stress, I continued to follow my instructions from 'Ahn', hitch-hiking to D's place on an open hillside just a little short of Land's End, only to find, as I'd more than half suspected, that he wasn't expecting me at all and it was considerably inconvenient for me to be there.

'Ahn' then directed me to act in various intrusive and disruptive ways, including telling the guy that the two of us were under instructions to sleep together that night, which D was clear that he wouldn't have — emphatically explaining to me that he had a new and wonderful female partner and he wasn't going to jeopardize that for me or any of my great ideas about the future of Humanity (i.e., the story that 'Ahn' had been giving me).

I take my hat off to D for his relative patience with me in the face of my seriously bizarre and intrusive behaviour then — and I don't blame him for not wanting anything further to do with me after that!

Fortunately I didn't press as hard about spending the night with him as 'Ahn' was instructing me to (with threats of severe karmic consequences for me as a result of disobeying a Master if I didn't do exactly as I was told).

I finally broke into full disobedience to 'Ahn' and started my hitch-hike back to my flat. By the time I was awaiting my second homeward lift at the bus stop layby by the Newtown roundabout a little east of Penzance, the pressure on me escalated to full-blown shouted orders to RAPE HIM! RAPE HIM!, accompanied by bouts of very strong erotic feelings which, fortunately even then, I knew must have been a simulation and not any feelings of my own towards the fellow, so that it was actually easy in a way for me not to be influenced by them, however alarmingly overwhelming they felt.

And so the hitch-hike continued, with 'Ahn' repeatedly shouting at me in his strident, abrasive voice during that journey to GO BACK! and reminding me about the dire karmic consequences of disobeying a Master, and still assaulting me with very disconcerting bouts of quite alarmingly strong erotic feelings (waves of powerful orgasmic feelings surging about from place to place in my body). The way those feelings were arising and moving around of course enabled me to be fully aware that it wasn't my own genuine desire for D at all, but 'Ahn' trying to control me into doing something very stupid and troublesome.

For me at that stage in my experiences with the garbage it was a frightening return journey, because I had visions of severe karma hitting me more or less at once, perhaps in a fatal crash on that very journey, and I didn't want the driver to come to harm because of anything that was due to happen to me. I felt very confused then because I had no means of knowing for sure whether I'd truly been failing in some vital mission for the benefit of the human race (as alleged) or whether I was really being tested to see how far I could be led astray before I'd rebel — or indeed whether 'Ahn' was really 'of the Light'* at all.

As to the latter point, although I was still on balance assuming that 'Ahn' was an 'ascended master' and therefore (I assumed at that time) a 'higher' being and thus supposedly totally beneficial, I was certainly left with some disturbing doubts from that episode as to whether he really was 'of the Light'*, for, in addition to the RAPE HIM! order, he'd instructed me to do various other things during and immediately after that episode that had seemed more in keeping with what very little I understood of Satanism than with any beneficial or wholesome 'spiritual' direction, even though still with the justification of it all being essential for this two-week transition plan for Humanity.

Anyway, even if he really was a true 'ascended master', I abhorred his harsh and abrasive style, and surely other higher beings would be more gentle and straightforward with me. Oh well — mystified, I shrugged my shoulders and resolved to have nothing further to do with 'Ahn', regardless of any karmic consequences, and so the following day I used the pendulum to try getting answers from my guides instead, not knowing at all then that 'guides' themselves were also illusory manifestations of the garbage…

 

Daskalos goes on sulkies!

The conundrum of the 'primary lifetime guide' who behaved like a petulant 'spoiled child'

So, after my having turned my back on the weird 'Ahn' performance, the communications came purportedly from my 'personal' guide and my 'higher consciousness' and then additionally from the well known high-level guide Orin and a variety of other more or less well known high guides and 'masters' such as Seth, Za Kai Ran, Mutu, St Germain, Mehindra and Merlin.

With regard to my purported 'personal' or primary lifetime guide, at the time it seemed to be quite a positive personal 'coup' for me to 'discover' him, following my stress and bewilderment gained from all the Ahn shenanigans. Using my pendulum to get answers, I asked this purported guide of mine if he had a name. He answered that he didn't at the moment as he wasn't incarnated, but that it would be helpful for me to know him by a name.

When I asked what would be a good name to know him by, through my use of pendulum dowsing he pointed me to one of my bookshelves, and then to a specific book on it — The Magus of Strovolos, by Kyriakos Markides. The central character described in that book was a Cypriot 'spiritual teacher'* who everyone knew just as Daskalos — though I found out from an internet search more recently that his real name was Stylianos Atteshlis. So, yes, it was 'Daskalos' that my supposed personal guide was suggesting I call him.

My 'Daskalos' also told me that he and I had been together three lifetimes ago in some Tibetan Buddhist community, and he and I had become 'lovers' there (both being men), resulting in our getting eventually ejected from our monastery, so it was supposedly 'a natural' that he'd be my personal guide at this time. Okay, I understand nowadays that that was bullshit, but then I just assumed it was true.

But then, soon after the purported Orin had made contact with me and presented himself as my everyday primary guide, there was something I'd said or done (I can't remember now what it was) that supposedly greatly upset 'Daskalos', and he wouldn't communicate with me for a long time, Orin reporting to me regularly on Daskalos' continuing hurt and still not wanting to talk to me.

Indeed, once that issue was eventually sort-of easing up, the attacks were starting in earnest and by then my communications were generally no longer coming from named 'guides', and indeed I was progressively letting go of any notion that they were actually real at all — though I was keeping an open mind about all that, for I had no clear basis at that time on which to assume clearly that they were not real.

Even at the time, the Daskalos 'big sulk' raised a very big question mark in my mind about the real nature of that so-called guide, and indeed the real nature of Orin and the whole 'reality' in which a supposed guide could behave in such a primitive and unenlightened manner. What point having such an irrational and clearly non-enlightened being allocated (and, in any case, by whom?) as a supposed guide for an already enlightened person? Something didn't add up about all that.

Torments from supposed higher beings

My trials and tribulations went a lot further than just having the garbage giving me troublesomely unreliable 'information' and 'guidance' from purportedly higher sources and sometimes giving me whole fictional scenarios that in themselves, as already noted, got me into some bizarre and disruptive situations.

After a few months of my attempted channelling, during which time, as already noted, I'd learnt to run a visual 'internal messaging system' in my mindspace* without any further recourse to a pendulum, the garbage, posing as ascended masters and other higher presences such as 'Divine Consciousness', started putting upon me horrendous psychic attacks, using the great load of trauma emotions / energies of the parasitic lost souls** attached to me plus the primary archetypes connected to me, and bringing that material to the surface at a very severe intensity that disrupted my daily life and sometimes deprived me of sleep for several nights in succession, twice causing me to be incarcerated in a psychiatric hospital in 2004, with two further such hospitalizations in 2006.

The garbage posed as 'ascended masters' carrying out allegedly important and sometimes nightmarish and traumatic tests on me*, supposedly to gauge the depth of my 'spiritual realization', and it subjected me to a reliving of the horrendous trauma feelings of what it claimed later on was an ancient disconnection trauma** — something that allegedly few people had experienced in the history of Humanity — at a disruptive and indeed hellish intensity. Late in 2004 and onwards the emphasis was on bringing up at similarly hellish intensity fear-based trauma emotions, which were claimed to be from my purported night terrors trauma***.

Despite the severity and bizarre nature of the late 2004 ordeals, the worst time for me was really in January to mid-April 2004.

Because at that time I didn't realize at all that 'lower beings' (i.e., the garbage) were involved, and was thus still assuming that it was true higher beings doing all this to me*, I was sometimes reduced to grovelling on the floor, praying and crying out in a squealed whisper for help from 'on high' — whatever or wherever that 'on high' might be or contain — but of course no overt help came except that on just a few occasions when I'd seemingly been particularly strongly traumatized I had the impression of a host of angels coming in to give me healing and rapidly restore my 'energy system'**.

However, even then I was suspicious that it wasn't real angels at all but a simulation, and my feelings were being manipulated up and down, with little or no true healing occurring in those 'healings' — as I'm nowadays sure would have been the case. The manipulations occasionally included extremely powerful sexual arousals, which made the situation all the more confusing and disorientating.

In October 2004 the garbage, posing as my 'higher consciousness', took me through a number of relatively benign but still highly problematical Satanistic practices* throughout the five consecutive nights without sleep that marked the gruelling sequence of ordeals that led to my first hospitalization. The purported rationale was that I needed, as part of my self-healing process, to embrace the 'dark' in my past because in a small number of lifetimes I'd been into Satanism and dark practices, and needed to come to terms with this**.

However, the inner voice (i.e., the garbage) went further and was making out that I was never meant to be following a path of 'light' in this lifetime and was a Satanist at heart and should be practising Satanism and worshipping, and following the directions of, Lucifer* from then on, and indeed it claimed that it was starting to train me in that — and then once I'd died I'd fall into a sequence of every one of the hells described in the Buddhist teachings** — and, just to cheer me up, all this was to the accompaniment of frequent whiffs of what I took to be roasting human flesh, allegedly remembered from sacrificial rites in a long-past lifetime.

All this then led into a full-blooded sustained and increasingly severe attack from what was then claimed to be 'astral beings', in the guise of a supposedly lethal curse upon me, which led, after five gruelling days and nights with no sleep at all, to my first hospitalization.

At various times I was directed and sometimes very strongly pressured into a variety of reckless and potentially or actually destructive acts, which included deleting my whole website (I restored it soon after, though that was delayed by my first hospitalization) and putting onto my website some very challenging information about alleged past lives of myself and certain other people, which, quite apart from its actually being plain fiction, was inappropriate to have been put in the public domain, and which undoubtedly would have convinced many people that I had 'an enormous ego' and was even overtly 'mentally deranged'.

It's true that there have been various things in my life and inner experience that point to possible connections with certain of these earlier personalities, but nowadays it makes a lot more sense of my overall life situation to regard those impressions all as having come from (just possibly in some cases) previous lifetimes of parasitic lost souls attached to me, and, generally most likely, from the massive astral repository of 'story' and legend spewed out from the primary archetypes to which I was connected.

Indeed, if the garbage wasn't causing so much trouble with its convoluted yarns I'd take my sun hat off to it for its apparent inventiveness! ('apparent' being the operative word there, because it simply exploits the creativity and inventiveness of the human minds that it's hijacking or parasitizing.)

At least I did rebel in the nick of time against a move in late 2003 to get me to formally change my name to Melchior Elias. That would have been a quite inappropriate and troublesome move.

The garbage even at times made out to be Archangel Michael. However, in my case, when things got really troublesome for me and I invoked 'Archangel Michael'* to help and fix the situation (because so many different people assured me that that was all I needed to do), it never worked. Sometimes I got an impression of some sort of presence 'of the Light' appear and even indicate that, yes, it could and would clear the 'astral beings' from my system, but the latter simply never happened — though initially I was given an impression of it happening and then the 'astral beings' coming straight back in and being as troublesome as ever.

Council meetings — on the bog!

Sometime in late 2003 my 'guidance' (probably when it was claiming to be the guide Orin) made it known to me that I was right then to start to take on my new role as head of some top-level Council of representatives from civilizations throughout the Universe (I don't remember its name) — and it would all be all right, because I'd take part in their meetings telepathically.

I had considerable misgivings about this, while at the same time wishing of the best for everyone and being sort-of happy to have that role if it was genuinely going to achieve really positive things, and of course, if I really was the best person for the role — which I was considerably doubtful about (after all, I had little knowledge and no practical experience of governance here on Earth, let alone further afield!).

So, how about this, then, for the first meeting of this 'Council' with me?! — On the day I'd been informed about this, I was getting my evening meal, but took a brief break from the proceedings to 'relieve myself' (putting it stupidly politely), leaving my stuff gently cooking there in the kitchen.

As soon as I was sitting on the bog (or 'WC' if you want to be prissy-polite about it!), in my 'inner vision' a group of very anonymous-looking white-robed figures, whose faces I couldn't see, came around me, and stood there silently. My 'guidance' indicated that this was our first meeting, and that it would all be silent, but this meeting was simply for a process of getting to know each other.

I felt greatly embarrassed at my not knowing at all what to do or how to conduct myself with these supposed top-level representatives, and then after a few minutes a little query from me to my guidance got an indication that the meeting was actually over and it was okay then for me to thank and dismiss the members and then get on with getting my evening meal — and, yes, I was still grounded enough to remember to 'wipe myself', get up off the bog and wash my hands before returning to the kitchen!

Subsequent meetings happened in just the same way — the Council members always arriving unbidden when I was sitting on the bog — nowhere else! However, fortunately this nonsense dropped after just a very few weeks, and I was thus considerably relieved, i.e., in addition to any relief afforded by my bog visits per se!

To be honest, even right from the start I had doubts as to whether these inner apparitions really were anything objectively real, for they seemed just too stylized, and really this whole thing of their apparent anonymity and absurdly always arriving when I was on the bog, and my pretty obviously simply not having requisite experience for working in such a Council regardless of my undoubted good intentions for everyone, just didn't 'add up', and, even at that stage, was fitting well into a pattern that I was already getting aware of, of various stylized images being given to me as part of particular trickery schemes.

Long live the King of All the Realms!

One prominent part of the garbage agenda for me, especially during late 2003 and early 2004, was seeking to convince me that I was known to all higher beings as King of the All the Realms (i.e., all the 'dimensions') and would within not that many years be overtly proclaimed as King of Humanity on Earth and indeed of the Pleiadeans too — allegedly to be known as Gilgamesh II.

This was supposedly going to come about during a dramatic transition of Humanity over about a decade into a much more enlightened mode of living. As to why I'd be known as Gilgamesh II — well, it was a part of a long-term scheme of the garbage to get me attached to and involved in the notion that I myself had been the alleged historical Gilgamesh*, as already noted further above.

Okay, I have no categorical proof that I hadn't been Gilgamesh (if indeed he'd ever physically existed), but what was problematical was the consistent attempts to convince me that not only had I been Gilgamesh but this was very important now, allegedly some 4,700 years later.

One part of that scenario, which was persistently presented to me even after the 'king' fiction had been dropped, was that I, in this incarnation, was regarded in the 'higher dimensions' as so important for the future of Humanity (because of my particular combination of qualities), that I'd shortly be transferred into the body of a particular man of 25, who would himself be transferred into the body of a particular 17-years old woman, who would leave her body to reincarnate normally — both these people being strongly connected with me from previous lifetimes.

According to my (mis)information, the 'higher consciousnesses' of these two people had already agreed to the plan, and it was all okay (and supposedly thus nothing untoward or 'dark') because it would bring about positive karmic paybacks.

The young man in this story was actually wanting to change gender, so the transfer would purportedly do him a favour and fulfil a deep longing of his. Later on I was told that another woman, aged 20 and also closely connected with me from previous lifetimes, had been chosen instead of the 17-year-old. The transfers were allegedly going to be carried out with the assistance of a currently secret organisation of 'lightworkers' who were, it was claimed, spearheading the transition of Humanity into a more enlightened state.

I was still being given this 'new body' scenario in the summer of 2005, though by then I was told simply that it would happen 'before long', whereas previously a specific date had been given — my birthday in August 2005, though for a while in 2004 I was told it would be on my birthday in 2004. In August 2005 I was told that there truly was a plan to keep me in this incarnation for a long time but I'd not be given details till much nearer the time, which would be 'before all that long'. (Yawwwn — already been there, done that — just waiting for the T-shirt, which never seems to come!)

The justification for the alleged plan to transfer me into a younger body was that my next incarnation wouldn't have the particular unique combination of qualities that were needed for alleged leadership roles of mine for Humanity, and the plan involved my being kept in this incarnation through successive transfers into younger bodies for some 450 years, after which I'd be allowed to choose whether to reincarnate or go through further transfers. What enviable freedom of choice!

As part of this agenda of the garbage relating to me being 'King of All the Realms', in late 2003 I was periodically given visual simulations* of being transported into the 'angelic' dimension (i.e., the so-called 9th dimension), and amid multitudes of celebrating angels I was enwrapped in colourful robes, and even sometimes crowned, in front of a large and imposing figure with very big eyes, who was supremely powerful and loving — I suppose what many would call God. Well, at least those were novel and entertaining experiences — very different from the nightmarish or indeed hellish experiences that were to follow in early 2004.

Did I actually believe any of that story? No, but neither did I disbelieve — I simply kept an open mind. You never get into touch with truth by closing your mind. I was being given what seemed quite possibly to be true and important information as well as much reckless misinformation and trickery, and so I knew to keep an open mind, for time would be my great filter that would let the chaff fall by the wayside and show what the truth really was.

Unfortunately, some people who got to know of the 'new body' part of the story (especially as I'd put a bit about it on the 'spirituality'-based precursor of this website so that people would be forewarned in case it really happened) took the view that I'd developed a taste for seriously dark practices and was actually wanting and seeking to get myself transferred into another person's body, so effectively wanting to kill another person in order to extend my own life (which I definitely was not), and so they dismissed me as an undesirable, the odd friends cutting themselves off from me.

In addition, many times over, I was guided or manipulated into writing to or speaking or acting inappropriately with a variety of people, and I lost further friends and potential friends as a result. Typically, at some later point a bullying, hectoring inner voice would then berate me, while the garbage would attack me with self recriminatory feelings over those various indiscretions into which I'd been led — a type of behaviour that makes ordinary human hypocrisy look 'angelic' in comparison!

Also saviour for ghosts and 'earthbound spirits'…

Initially as a part of the great 'King of All the Realms' scenario, but developing further after the 'King of All the Realms' notion had dissolved into my being due to become a slightly less grandiose spiritual father-figure — Gilgamesh II — for Earth and the Pleiadean civilizations, I had the task of supposedly releasing ghosts and 'earthbound spirits' on a grand scale, particularly on my hiking outings.

This rested on the almost universal but incorrect belief that ghosts are actually the consciousnesses of people who have died but for one reason or another have been unable to 'go to the Light' as they purportedly need to. 'Earthbound spirits' were really just the same but simply the ones that didn't give rise to obvious apparitions.

My carrying out that task didn't involve any convolutions of ritualistic mumbo-jumbo, and would have been extremely efficient if indeed there really had been all those 'stuck' human consciousnesses to release, and they really had been able to be 'sent on' by the means that I was using.

What my 'guidance' indicated for me to do was simply to scan a landscape or expanse of sea with my eyes, with the understanding that when I did that my (actually fictitious) 'third eye' would also be scanning and enable my 'higher consciousness' to see all the ghosts and 'earthbound spirits' scattered around and 'select' every one of them for processing.

I'd then silently send out to them some sort of quick but rather self-consciously grandiose 'welcome' and goodwill message, and then, with my right hand, I'd draw in the air the actually very harmful symbol that I'd channelled — the so-called 'New OM'. My doing that would allegedly immediately result in their all being sent to the 'Light'. Wow!

So it came about that, primarily on my hikes (Dartmoor and Devon and Cornwall coast path), I'd pause here and there to scan for and supposedly 'send on' collections of those poor (actually non-existent) 'stuck' human consciousnesses, feeling really chuffed that I was succeeding in helping so very many people and generally helping to make the world a better place!

On one of my Cornish coast path hikes, near Tregardock beach, not far from Tintagel, one of my 'sending-on' sessions prompted a peculiar flurry in my 'inner vision' (i.e., really just my astral perception), and my 'guidance' informed me that there was great excitement in the higher realms because I'd just released the ghost of a quite famous witch who'd been lynched and thrown over the cliff there in the Medieval period.

According to my 'guidance', that being was actually a 'high' angel and would now be able to reincarnate and be a great spiritual teacher, bringing a lot of much needed benefit to the world situation. — Wow!

After each hike I'd get from my 'guidance' the number of ghosts / 'earthbound spirits' I'd released at sea, on and around the cliffs, and inland — and I even recorded all those totals in the log I keep of all my hikes. In the Penwith area, and especially among all the tin mine ruins between Pendeen Watch and Cape Cornwall, I supposedly released a thousand or two of those actually non-existent 'poor souls'!

On one of those occasions, during my return hitch-hike to Exeter I had a lift with a young man who himself was very psychic, and we got talking about my activities. When I told him I recorded the number of ghosts etc., that I'd released on each stretch of my route for the day in my walks journal, he asked me how many ghosts etc. I'd released that day.

When I told him, he sounded impressed, telling me that he'd already 'read' or 'heard' that I'd released that very number that day. Of course, assuming he himself was telling the truth at that point, it would really have been just the garbage giving the same misinformation to different people in order to make it seem more credible — and of course to convince me that I really was some super-great 'healer' and 'saviour' of sorts!

HELP! We'll all be destroyed if this secret gets out!

At an early stage in my channelling — I think, from some time in late 2003 — my 'guidance' gave me the story that my regular hikes on rough and indeed remote terrain such as on the remoter parts of Dartmoor were immensely important, not only for all humans on Earth but, if I remember correctly, for all of 'Creation'. This was because, allegedly, I was unique in a very special way, and the well-being of the whole of 'Creation' depended on what happened when I went out on those hikes.

I don't now remember the exact details, but it was something to do with my purported crown chakra opening up on those hikes and connecting with some sort of 'higher energies' in a particular way that served some crucial function for the well-being of the whole show. My 'guidance' told me that because I had this unique function it was absolutely imperative for my own safety and for the well-being and maybe even survival of all 'Creation', that I keep that information a closely guarded secret, because all sorts of factions, not just on Earth, would be after me for harmful purposes if they got wind of my special function.

That was immediately a bit scary-worrying for me, because not only might I inadvertently at some point blurt out something that would lead to the 'truth' getting out, but also, apparently many non-physical beings and all sorts of extra-terrestrials communicating through telepathy might 'hear' my big secret however carefully I sought to conceal it.

I can see that this scenario was being put to me for three obvious purposes, quite apart from any other purposes that were not so obvious to me:

• To make me feel all the more isolated (it could be extremely dangerous for me to have any close 'relationships' or friendships);

• To further boost the notion that I was in various ways the most important being in the whole of 'Creation';

• To get me nicely set up for scaring the living daylights out of me at some point, possibly to the point of my personal wrecking / destruction — using a feedback loop of fear within an illusory reality in which reality itself is 'coming apart at the seams' all because of my letting the secret out of the bag.

Actually I was surprised at how, once the attacks had really got going, my 'guidance' put less and less emphasis on that scenario, without ever actually discounting it — and particularly surprising was that it wasn't used in any of the attack crisis events that I was eventually given.

I suspect that a major part of the reason could have been that the whole ploy wasn't working in the way that the garbage was seeking to get it to, because I'd recognised the particular scenario as so hellishly impossible to live with, that only a little below the surface I was very much unconvinced about it — particularly as it really didn't make sense for me to be told about it in the first place, if it really was so important to keep secret. Clearly if I wasn't very strongly believing that particular story, it wouldn't be possible to use it as a means of psychic attack to seriously frighten or destroy me.

Actually it didn't make real sense anyway that somebody who had such a unique and crucially important role in the functioning of all humanity or indeed all 'Creation' would also be destined to become any sort of public figure — a sure formula for any important secrets getting out of the bag sooner or later. The frequently flaunted bait of the promise of 'reuniting' with 'Enkidu' and indeed soon having a whole ménage (or, I'd be inclined to say, menagerie) of supposed soul mates actually made the whole prospect look not only intimidatingly 'heavy' upon me but also highly unlikely to be genuine!

That's so characteristic of garbage-sourced scenarios and 'story': superficially they may seem convincing, albeit often in a twisted sort of way, but when you look closely from a grounded perspective, generally there are brazen discrepancies and there's a general sense of each scenario or story simply not 'adding up', both within itself and in relation to what you actually know of reality to start with.

Trying to cultivate attachment

There was a comical aspect to this, in the crassness of it being done to me, but at that stage of my inexperience I also found it rather shocking that my 'guidance' was doing this, which presumably would have tended to severely wreck a person emotionally — my 'saving grace' being that I was enlightened and to a very great degree immune to attachment, except perhaps transiently and at the most superficial level.

I've already mentioned the 'King of All the Realms' bullshit, and how the garbage, posing as my 'guidance', was seeking to get me infatuated with the alleged prospect of being this great 'King of All Kings', and indeed called Gilgamesh II. Part of that story was that I, as the alleged current incarnation of the legendary Babylonian king Gilgamesh, was almost imminently going to be reunited with the person who, in a long past lifetime, had been Enkidu, the 'companion' (interpreted by my 'guidance' as 'male lover') of Gilgamesh, recorded in the legend.

So, periodically some person or another was identified by my 'guidance' as being the current Enkidu incarnation, and I was being given all sorts of story to try and get me attached to the person and the alleged prospect of soon coming together with him.

Periodically through all this my 'guidance' would tell me, once a particular 'soul mates' scenario was established in my mind, that that scenario was actually untrue, and there were no such soul mates of mine. Occasionally even the alleged Enkidu incarnation was denied — and I was aware each time that what was being tried on me was a major attempt to wreck me emotionally.

The catch for the garbage was that each time this happened I promptly let go of the particular soul mate scenario and shrugged my shoulders, and just thought to myself quite peacefully, Oh well, if it isn't that it's something else!, and was virtually untouched emotionally, apart from, as I say, feeling a little shocked that such nasty tricks were being played on me, which could really harm a non-enlightened person who really did get emotionally attached to the 'bait' that was being dangled in front of his nose (and indeed his willie!).

That mucking about over the Enkidu reincarnation's current identity settled down after those first few months into a fairly consistent claim that the real current Enkidu incarnation was a very unusual* Spanish boy called Azzo (I suspect it's an Italian rather than Spanish name), who I'd encountered with his father in a hitch-hike in Cornwall in September 2003. At the time of that encounter, Azzo was just nine years old, and so of course, just a couple of months later, once I'd been channelling for just a little, my 'guidance' was making out that this all keyed in with the alleged 'new body' plans for me.

So the story went, I was going to be transferred into the body of a 25-year-old man, not only to extend my life for my supposed special role for all Humanity, but also to make my 'reunion' with Azzo more workable, satisfying and — particularly importantly — socially acceptable — though there would still be an age gap between us. At least the age gap would thus be reduced from 52 to a more manageable c. 14 years.

I'd have to wait for some years, though, for him to complete his schooling before we came together again — and then supposedly it would be ecstatic bliss for the two of us. Sort-of, And then they lived happily ever after! — Wow! (but with a whole lot of reservations on my part, including a general discomfiture at the whole idea of my life being organised by supposed 'higher beings', with little or no reference to what was really best for me.)

This nonsense went on through late 2003 and early 2004, thereafter being mostly rather lower key, except in the lead-up to the October 2004 severe ordeals, where it became much more of a feature again. After that, I'd really done with such scenarios, and the remaining one with real prominence was just the 'new body', with the 'reunion with Azzo the Enkidu incarnation' being more in the background, finally getting dropped altogether in early 2007 as I started in earnest the process of jettisoning all the garbage deceptions and influences.

During the intensive application of this 'get him attached' strategy, in late 2003 to early 2004, it all seemed a bit comical even then, because of the way that my 'guidance' seemed unable to take on board that I simply didn't get attached to such things, and so it kept trying variants of the same thing again and again. In retrospect I can see clearly why this must have been happening — the 'guidance' was of course the garbage, and the latter isn't an actual conscious and thus intelligent being. It's just programming in thought 'energy', and thus can't respond in truly appropriate ways to very uncommon situations that aren't allowed for in its programming.

However, there was a sneaky thing about all those announcements to me that the latest 'soul mate' scenario, and even the 'Enkidu' one, was untrue. The garbage was also seeking to get me really impressed at my lack of attachment, and seeking to get me seeing myself as enlightened and self-actualized to a phenomenal extent, allegedly unprecedented in all of 'Creation', so that I'd be held in awe by everyone.

On the other hand I could see immediately at the time that this was being tried on me, and so, while for a time I sort-of accepted the story about that at a very superficial level, I did so with a very open mind, and was aware of how it could lead me astray, and I simply didn't really connect with it, and so it was easy as could be for me to just maintain an open mind about whatever state of self-actualization I was in, and let the various retellings of the basic story slide away as I put my attention on doing my best to get on with life despite all the interferences and attacks.

Oh, and naturally abduction by 'aliens'!

You didn't seriously think I'd get away without some 'abduction by aliens' scenario, did you? — Well, neither did I once all these big stories were being fed to me! And indeed, guess what, in November 2003 my 'guidance' — at that stage claiming to be the guide Orin — gave me unusually precise details of the forthcoming 'great' event for me.

It wasn't going to be any old aliens, and certainly nothing nasty out of some extra-terrestrial woodshed, that were going to abduct me, but the allegedly squeaky-clean and 100% friendly Pleiadeans. It was already part of the big story, that I was to become sort-of spiritual father-figure and 'king' for the Pleiadeans as well as Earth (i.e., as part of my being 'King of All the Realms').

As part of that 'big deal', I was already revered by the Pleiadeans as their forthcoming 'Head of Civilization' (i.e., rather than just Head of State), and, as part of the big plan a deputation of them was going to abduct me for a short period, which would be almost nothing in Earth time (i.e., so it would just be a small pause on my hike, so I could then resume and complete the hike within the planned time-scale within the day)*, but for me subjectively it would be long enough for the Pleiadeans to have some sort of introductory get-together with me — very likely a week or two, or whatever it took. What a nice idea!

I wasn't given the exact date, but it was going to be 'very soon', and would happen on one of my Cornish coast path hikes starting specifically from St Ives towards Zennor (and nowhere else). Although the exact spot wasn't specified, it was narrowed down to about 1½ miles out of St Ives, on that very wild and hard-going (rocky) coast path.

Naturally that never-exactly-specified date was like the end of the rainbow, where the treasure always awaits your failure ever to find it! In fact, not only was the a few weeks' time remaining a few weeks' time as the months passed, but in the event my first hike starting at St Ives wasn't till 31 March 2004, by which time I'd already been having hellish attacks from the supposed 'ascended masters' and other 'higher beings', and so was much more distanced from all scenarios that were put to me.

I think at that stage I was still being given the 'abduction by Pleiadeans' story, but much less weight was being put on it — no doubt simply because I myself had always been rather circumspect about it and indeed by this stage was really thinking it was more likely than not just another fiction anyway. I actually felt relief rather than disappointment that nothing weird happened on that hike, for the straightforward physical reality was reassuringly constant and simple compared with all these convoluted scenarios that my 'guidance' was giving me.

— And indeed, the notion of that Pleiadean abduction progressively faded away during 2004, at least simplifying the dreadfully convoluted proceedings just one tiny bit. At least, if the predicted abduction did take place at some point I was never in the slightest aware of it!

Forget the chips — wolf spirits with everything!

In the beginning of 2004, about the time the attacks first started, I channelled an involved and really quite compelling story that was claimed to be the underlying historical basis of my 4th Symphony (Highland Wilderness) — a work that undeniably had to have some sort of dramatic life experience underlying it, presumably sourced from past lives. The story that I was given was in itself quite educational — but not so much about that symphony as about the sort of convoluted story that the garbage will seek to get people tangling themselves up in.

Maybe at some point I shall place here on this site an adapted version of my 2004 web page presenting that story, as an exhibit — but for the moment I shy away from doing so because it's such an involved story, replete with confusions and deceptions that are made remarkably alluring because of the various elements that all look appealing and indeed authentic until you really get looking at it from a genuinely clear-minded perspective.

The story actually contained much detail likely to have been more or less correct historically, except for its having been a compilation of past life experiences — no, NOT of my own, as my 'guidance' of that time had been making out, but most likely a combination of particular past life experiences of certain of the parasitic lost souls attached to me, and pieces of 'story' / legend generated from certain of the primary archetypes to which I was connected.

One particular element in that story, however, was, I'm quite sure, much more fictional than many of its other elements, and that was the matter of 'tormented wolf spirit' attachments. Allegedly many people through human history on Earth had, in one incarnation or another, killed one or more wolves. According to the bullshit that I was given, when a person kills a wolf, its 'spirit' is immediately angry and vengeful, and attaches vengefully to the person who had just killed it as a physical animal.

It would then, as its revenge, put a curse upon that person, which would motivate him to go out alone into the wilds whenever possible, and to be always longing intensely for a lover or lovers who he hasn't a dog's chance in hell of encountering out in the wilds like that, and thus to live a deeply unhappy life, constantly tormented by a deep inner loneliness and unrequited (indeed unrequitable) longing, and unable to connect with people who theoretically could otherwise form close relationships with him; he'd be generally seen as a 'lone wolf'.

Furthermore, at some stage in the person's life, if the situation and opportunity arose, the curse would cause the person to experience a compulsion to go out alone into a wild desolate frozen landscape and lie down on the snow / ice to die of cold while imagining himself with his lover in his arms — 'making love', but with no warmth.

According to this bullshit from my 'guidance' then, many people had these 'tormented wolf spirit' attachments in everyday life even nowadays, because in some previous incarnation they'd killed the odd wolves — so accounting for the particular people tending to go hiking or living or working in remote or isolated places, or otherwise tending to be loners. Naturally I was claimed to have two of those dratted 'tormented wolf spirits' attached to me, and the most amazing stories were given to me about bizarre things that I'd been motivated to do through my torments from those attachments in various of my purported past lives, including the particular past lives that were claimed to underlie my 4th Symphony.

Indeed, my 'guidance' gave me an elaborate story involving one in particular of those wolf spirits supposedly attached to me, to account for my difficulties in this lifetime relating to peeing and shitting when there were people around or who might come around and become aware of my doing it. The story is fascinating, but it's too much of a diversion to include here.

My 'guidance' also pointed out to me that particular people who I encountered in everyday life supposedly had 'tormented wolf spirit' attachments, and so naturally, at that time I well-meaningly gave quite serious misinformation to the odd person who I had as a client / student to learn self-healing — telling them of their attached wolf spirits and all that.

However, despite all the deceptions here, by early 2005 I'd pulled myself clear of a whole lot of that convoluted story — the alleged wolf spirits and the big story about what supposedly underlay my 4th Symphony.

I hadn't actually rejected them at that stage, but I'd removed them from the website, and I let them take a back seat in my awareness, feeling that there were elements that didn't properly 'add up' in all that 'story', no matter how convincing various individual details seemed, so I really needed to get more reliable channelling before I could sensibly do anything with that 'information'. And of course, as from mid 2007, I've been clear that channelling is completely 'out', and that all that 'story' had been given to me to lead me way off course, so I no longer engage with it at all.

For the record, my more recent inner inquiry has never supported the notion that the consciousness of any animal, whether it's alive or has just died, is able to put any sort of curse upon a person — nor indeed that the consciousness of a dead animal would ever attach to a person. Indeed, even while I was superficially taking on board all that bullshit about tormented wolf spirits those very points were almost constantly in my mind and I was feeling rather doubtful about the story that I was being given, and had a sense of relief as that story gradually faded away.

Attempted self harm and suicide

At various points in my late 2004 ordeals I half-heartedly sought to follow various instructions from my 'guidance' that would potentially have killed me. All that perilous nonsense was linked to the alleged 'new body' scenario mentioned above, I being told that at that point I was meant to leave my body for the transfer. In fact, during those guided suicide attempts (which were mostly directed towards means to smash my skull) clear signs were evident of my being very strongly protected by what I then thought of as some sort of 'higher will'*, so that the particular means that I was directed to use didn't work.

Yes, even the kitchen knife that I carefully sharpened for a nice little wrist-slashing suicide was unable to make more than the most superficial scratch-like wounds on my left wrist, which seemed to have become like tough rubber.

Actually the attempted wrist slashing wasn't part of the aforementioned scenario of various attempted skull smashings (which were in the October 2004 ordeals), but arose the evening before my second hospitalization* (December 2004), during which evening I was being given the impression that I was in the process of dying, and it was put to me that as soon as I'd got out of my flat to die (I was instructed to go down to the Exeter Ship Canal — it was dark then — and throw myself into it), my flat contents would all be set alight and the whole block of flats would be burnt out — and the only way that I could prevent that from happening would be to end this lifetime of mine there and then within my flat.

At my wits' end and faced with the apparent prospect of my immediate neighbours getting caught up in the postulated conflagration, I chose the option that would allegedly avoid that happening. As I had relatively little remaining emotional attachment, although I had no desire per se to kill myself, it was of relatively small odds to me whether I continued in this incarnation or moved on to the supposed next one or was transferred into another body within this incarnation — I just wanted whatever was for the ultimate good and meant to happen.

And so I very reluctantly sharpened the knife and then sawed at my tough rubber wrist, in amazement at the small spot or so of blood that grudgingly emerged. Not even a sticking plaster was necessary after I'd given up on that. Actually I gave up quite readily because by then I was seeing the obvious sign that this whole business was presumably symbolic and I was thus presumably never meant (at least by any worthwhile source) to kill myself.

A vomit element to the story

I'd always had a particular dread of vomiting, and thus of course I had a strong revulsion to vomit itself, the sight or smell of which in fact would sometimes be enough to make me retch and almost go adding to the mess. To what extent my fear of vomiting has been stronger than normal for people, I don't know, and in any case it hadn't been strong enough to get labelled as a phobia, but it was nonetheless real, and was thus an inevitable bit of ammunition that the garbage could use upon me.

One particular irony about the vomit element in my garbage ordeals was that during all those ordeals I never actually vomited, despite various intimations that I was about to vomit — indeed most violently and traumatically, and sometimes I was given the smell of vomit as a further 'encouragement'. The vomit element arose first during the October 2004 ordeals that led up to my first hospitalization.

At that stage I was being taken through various supposedly Satanistic procedures, and a large proportion of them were ritualized messing about with imaginary ('etheric') vomit, which I had to produce by acting out my vomiting into a bucket (but actually not vomiting at all), then being directed to ritualistically anoint myself with the (imaginary) disgusting mess. At the end of a session I'd be directed to go to the toilet and make myself really vomit by sticking a finger into the back of my throat, but something always blocked that from achieving what it was supposedly meant to, so I'd just retch momentarily without actually throwing up.

Perhaps my own deeper aspects were protecting me then, for only harm would have come from me throwing up when there wasn't a genuine need to do so.

However, more harrowing was during particular attacks in that period, when I was first being severely attacked with the trauma energy of panic and sometimes nausea feelings. On one occasion (which I was warned would keep happening, to try to get me terrified) in late November 2004, I was given a really severe attack of a combination of the emotional trauma energy of panic and a strong nausea — a really hellish experience, though it was fortunately brief.

During that period I was sometimes menaced with the notion that I was imminently going to vomit most violently, which would be caused by an attack, or, on certain occasions, as a result of something I was about to be shown, such as in re-runs of 'night terror' (i.e., hell) visuals. This ploy would typically be at breakfast, when, during the ordeals, it was getting difficult to eat, and when I'd just eaten my bowl-full of chopped mixed fruit with yoghurt, liberally sprinkled with sunflower seeds, I'd be told something like There, that wasn't wise of you — but you've done it now! Now [in a triumphant voice] when you vomit, as you're just about to, most violently, those seeds will cause you excruciating pain!. It was all hot air actually, just trying to get me wound up and terrified.

Then, during some of the strong attacks during the summer of 2006, I was being attacked with a combination of nightmarish feelings that seemed to be related to dark practices and Satanism, combined with strong sexual arousals, and in the thick of that I was sometimes given the smell of vomit and indeed given images of myself rolling and squirming about in my own vomit in supposed sexual ecstasy, while I was being attacked with strong sexual arousal.

What I understand in retrospect about all these vomit elements to the garbage's attacks on me is that it was seeking to exploit particular traumas carried by one or possibly more of the parasitic lost souls attached to me — though it would have been distorted by input from one or more of the primary archetypes to which I was connected. My inner inquiry points to something like the following scenario…

At least one of the lost souls attached to me had had a lifetime in which (s)he had been in some sort of really rock-bottom black magic cult or sect, in which the members had a marked tendency to go for whatever was maximally repugnant to ordinary people and incorporate it in their practices.

So it had come about that that particular person had been severely traumatized on at least one occasion when, as part of some sort of depraved orgy involving vomit, (s)he had been given one or more drugs (i.e., herbal preparations) that made him/her simultaneously hallucinate wildly (almost certainly getting hell / night terror visuals), feel an intense fear or anxiety together with disorientation, and repeatedly vomit most violently — a quite hellish combination for anyone, and within the context of one of the most way-out and depraved black magic orgies, even more so!

Thus, with that particular lost soul attached to me, plus my active connections to all related primary archetypes, no wonder the very thought of vomiting seemed nightmarish or indeed hellish — and thus also, no wonder that the garbage was seeking to exploit that to wind me up or indeed freak me out! Superficially it looks very likely that the garbage dredged up the association of vomit with sexual arousal from that particular lost soul's memories of particular orgies — naturally in order to try to screw me up. However, nowadays I'd see the garbage's exploitation of my connections to particular primary archetypes as most likely having been at least the major factor.

…And naturally, 'karma' raised its ugly head

At times the garbage, posing as my 'guidance', made out that I was due for immensely severe karmic repercussions over various even very minor matters — putting forward a distorted and nightmarish version of the punitive karma that's described in some (not all) of the Buddhist teachings and to which I'd allegedly been exposed in certain previous lifetimes. The aim, as with its other actions, was to frighten and demoralize me and destroy me emotionally if not physically too.

As already noted, as far as I can tell, any such previous lifetimes were not my own, but would have belonged to particular of the parasitic lost souls attached to me.

…And so did humour!

There were the odd occasions when it appeared that my 'guidance' had an extremely clever 'black' humour, in such a way as to be seeming to make out that, far from my being in a dire predicament and having nasty things done to me, this was all really something of a play-about of joking and make-believe. This happened ONLY during the major sequences of ordeals that led into serious and indeed dangerous crises, when it always seemed that some more powerful, purposeful and 'intelligent' (in a twisted sort of way) being or presence was interacting with me and functioning as my 'guidance', and was loading me with reams of 'story'.

This came to the fore particularly in the September 2006 and February 2007 crises — the latter being the final one of the series of crisis events with such a high degree of seriousness and seeming to have that more powerful 'presence' communicating with me.

During the September 2006 crisis, not only the 'story' came in breathtaking convolutions and 'layers', but so too, to a fair extent, did a dry and at times really 'black' humour. In particular, there was a great play on the name of one of the types of supposed entity that was supposed to be among those interfering with me. Somewhat earlier, the psychic surgeon CT had told me the names of various groups of what he described as 'extra-terrestrials' that he thought could be the culprits in my 'astral beings' shenanigans (he didn't recognise 'dark force', 'astral beings' or, apparently, even an 'astral dimension'). Of those, he thought the two groups most likely to be the cause of my troubles were those respectively known as Hathor and Anu.

At the time I still thought my troubles were from 'astral beings', which by then I was disrespectfully calling Tiddles, always to thunderous 'NO!' flashes from whatever all that really was, but at the end of my 'right weirdo hike' on Dartmoor on 9th September 2006, supposedly the 'Tiddles' beings had served their purpose and were being released from me by my 'higher consciousness' (i.e., of course still the garbage).

That was really all make-believe, of course, and after that my 'guidance' was explaining my continuing attacks by claiming that it was just Hathors attacking me. Undoubtedly the attacks then had a different (still extremely nasty) feel, with little or no solar plexus ache, so for the time being I went along with that story, albeit with a fairly open mind about the true state of affairs.

Then as that crisis developed to urgent hospitalization point over the next couple of days I was being given the most immense convolutions of 'story', including a ghoulish story, that this was a particular time that the (supposed) Creator Consciousness had been waiting for, for when I was a young child there had been an occasion when I'd been looking in a picture book and had laughed at a cartoon in which a boy's head had suddenly fallen off — and so the sweet little 'Creator Consciousness', having a sense of humour, had set a destiny that, at what was to be this very time, my neck was going to disintegrate and thus my head would fall off.

Undoubtedly my neck had become more troublesome over the couple of days since the 'right weirdo hike', with nasty scrunches and sounds of bone rubbing on bone, and allegedly this was all sure sign of the disintegration process of my neck now rapidly under way.

Also, allegedly, the whole Cosmos was now just beginning its contraction (described as 'implosion'), and the 'Creator Consciousness' had planned a special destiny for me, as I was allegedly the oldest soul in the whole of Creation, and thus, supposedly, the most special and direct incarnation of the Creator Consciousness.

Allegedly, I'd been connected up to every single human-type being in the whole of 'Creation' in such a way that, when they very shortly each simultaneously went into an intense, electrifying orgasm as the Cosmos implosion got to the point that Earth itself was starting to self destruct (i.e., this was imminent, even possibly within that very day), the orgasm energy from that whole lot would ALL channel through me, so that the 'Creator Consciousness' would experience (i.e., through me) the most monumental orgasm as I was most spectacularly burnt to a cosmic cinder by all that channelled / focused orgasmic ecstasy energy.

Wow! I couldn't wait for it! Even then it sounded extremely implausible, but I just received it all with open mind.

But then, through all that 'story', and masses of other story 'threads', including commentary on various 'night terror' sequences that I was being shown in a genteel 'video display' rectangle, there were repeated quips and puns about the name of the other group of alleged ETs that were supposedly interfering with me in addition to the Hathor group — Anu.

No doubt it's not escaped your notice that the Anu beings could collectively be called Anus — something that I myself was a little mirthful about every time I thought of that name, even though the pronunciation of Anus ('ahnooz') and anus (I guess you know how that one's pronounced!) was clearly different.

And so, my 'guidance' was coming out with all manner of apparently amazing coincidences in various names that were supposed to be relevant in some way or other, in which those names also turned out to be simply variants of 'anus' — including the non-physical (and thus actually non-existent!) 'Lord Anju' and 'Lady Anui', who the British 'spiritual teachers' calling themselves respectively Shabdan and Shastra believe (and have pronounced on their website and other promotional materials of theirs) they'd incarnated from.

I can't remember all the other seemingly immensely significant coincidences and puns that my 'guidance' came out with then, and suspect that if I did remember them now, most would look quite insignificant — much as when I smoked cannabis I had all manner of seemingly highly significant surrealistic phrases and notions come into my mind, which I thought I could incorporate in really great poetry and other creative writings, but which turned out in broad daylight to be largely banal and meaningless gibberish that I couldn't usefully use in any of my creative writing at all.

Then, in my February 2007 crisis* a big joke was made of a certain very famous painting. On the Thursday evening before my climactic all-night spectacular ordeal on the night of Saturday 3rd February, I was under considerable attack from the 'astral beings', which, at that stage of the proceedings, I was understanding to be actual demons, thanks to the presumably well-meant but still very distorted 'information' that I was getting from the 'lightworker' Dalibor Zaviska** (henceforth abbreviated to DZ).

Thursday evening meant going out for the weekly rehearsal of Exeter University Choral Society, and I rather hoped the attack would become less through my getting my attention 'out' (i.e., more grounded) and nicely engaged with the singing in the large group of friendly and enthusiastic people. In the event, after a brief lull near the beginning, the attack was coming on increasingly strongly, with the all too familiar menacing ache at my solar plexus. This got really troublesomely strong, but I was determined to continue in the rehearsal despite this much unwanted distraction.

Right in the thick of our singing in a loud tutti section, Steve Martin, our choirmaster, who I always saw in my 'inner vision' surrounded by the subtle whitish radiance that nowadays I recognise as indicating that the person is weakly grounded, stopped us and gave his usual coaxing talk to get us to relax mouth and lower jaw. He'd always tell us to 'look gormless', with mouth loosely partly open, and he'd sort-of caress his cheeks (just to be clear, no, this is NOT another 'anus' reference!) to emphasize their being loose and relaxed, and he'd ask us to do that too as a little exercise to focus on loosening our mouths up.

— Except that, just this time, virtually immediately I'd discreetly established from my 'guidance' (then claiming to be the 'Creator Consciousness' itself — haha!) that I had allegedly all of 50 demons attacking me, he came out with something he'd never said before.

At that point he stopped what he was saying, and announced, I know! You want to do it like this. Surely you know that painting by Edvard Munch called The Scream? Try doing that now!, and he demonstrated, and then we were ALL, some hundred of us, doing our damnedest to look like that tortured figure in The Scream, with mouths open and hands to the sides of the face, while, even then, in the thick of this severe attack that was allegedly from 50 demons, I was in considerable mirth at this preposterous 'coincidence'.

The chances of that synchronicity, and with its impeccable timing, having been what materialist-reductionists call 'just coincidence' (i.e., supposedly having no cause) must be astronomically minute, and even now my inner inquiry supports the hypothesis that the garbage actually put that notion of The Scream into Steve's mind* at that time specifically to have a strong effect upon me. However, whether having me in fits of laughter was really the aim of the garbage's exercise at that time or indeed any other would be more than a moot point.

More likely by far, because of its being programming-based rather than being an actual conscious being, the garbage simply didn't have the intelligence to realize that such an action would entertain rather than freak me — the latter being its real 'intent'! That seems to be underlined too by something I experienced the following Saturday night…

On that following Saturday night, at a particular point in the monumental all-night spectacular of an ordeal that the garbage dragged me through then, when I'd 'descended' yet again supposedly into the purported 'dark realm' to experience what was being claimed to be the terror of a major part of the 'Creator Consciousness' itself at the very time when part of it (allegedly) had become the 'dark realm' during the beginnings of the supposed 'Creation' process, and the attack was so strong that it felt as though my body would physically break apart, what did I see in the thick of that darkness and various vaguely menacing shapes?

— Well, no, not Mickey Mouse, nor Winnie the Pooh for sure, but it might almost as well have been, for, blow me, there of all places was that portrait from The Scream — indeed a very precise and large reproduction of that very portrait, suddenly coming into a rather vague focus out of the darkness! — And my 'guidance' was giving me a thought-voice in an extremely ineptly portentous tone saying something like Yes, The Scream! This is it — The Scream!, as though I was supposed to shit myself on the spot and fall out of bed in terror!

In fact, rather than freaking me in any way, that helped to make the rest of the night's proceedings have something of an entertainment factor, even though it was still very gruelling and not something I'd ever have chosen to go through, and it did get a bit seriously dangerous towards the end, when I finally saved myself by taking command with a simple sod the lot of you — you've had your turn and now I'm getting up and making breakfast!.

Later on in that ordeal, but well before things eventually started getting, shall we say, a little 'frisky', one out of the lengthy succession of 'tableaux' that were presented to me was a display of Tiddles — that is, what was rather half-heartedly put forward to me as the 'real' appearance of what I was irreverently calling 'Tiddles' (i.e., the 'astral beings' that kept attacking me). It was actually a display of a number of virtually identical portraits, which were each a very disturbing-looking halfway-house between a woman's face and a cat's face, and distorted into graceful curves as one could achieve in the right sort of distorting mirror or indeed the right function in certain photo editing programs such as Photoshop.

In that particular case, although I recognised those portraits as horribly disturbing, and very clearly having intense Satanistic 'vibes', even that came across to me as a sort of semi-joke, and I didn't believe for a moment, and, surprisingly, my 'guidance' didn't observably attempt to get me to believe, that those horror countenances were anything more than a bit of Satanistic iconography, and I wasn't upset by them anyway, because I knew this was just another tableau, which I simply let go of as the next one came. Now, if I'd found such portraits in my flat when I got up in the morning, somehow I might not have found it that easy to be so sanguine about them!

What about receiving healing to cast out the 'astral beings'?

There were a number of attempts at this, for it wasn't till spring 2007 that I finally came to recognise that the 'entities' were all just illusory manifestations. As I now well understand, no attempts at all to cast out 'astral entities' could ever work for anyone! In cases where that did appear to have happened, the garbage had simply gone into hiding to give the impression that the actually fictitious entities have been cast out, while it continued interfering with the person but in more covert ways.

The aim of the garbage in such cases was to get people promoting totally ineffective methods to supposedly remove the purported demons or astral entities and so deflect the people from seeking out truly effective methods to unblock and open up one's intrinsic and genuine immunity to interferences from the garbage (such as I give in Healing and self-actualization — The safest and quickest way).

The time when I was first told that I had 'astral beings' impersonating (supposed) higher beings was in early April 2004, when I was at my wits' end (again!) and mentioned the problem on the phone to Sue Sutton (henceforth abbreviated to SS), a 'healer' in Newton Abbot. She wrote me a letter telling me that she'd had a message from the 'angelic dimension', that I had impersonating 'astral beings' around me and I needed to invoke 'Archangel Michael'* for assistance.

In fact although it seemed at first that 'Archangel Michael' did step in and stop a particular attack when I invoked 'him', the 'entities' reappeared almost at once and were impossible for me to exclude, no matter how many times I called 'Michael' or 'Archangel Michael' to clear them out and keep them out. In fact it was really then that, for the first time the garbage had started to make itself apparent actually as 'astral beings' (rather than purported higher beings) by its intrusive and very volatile communications — primarily the already mentioned dark 'no' flashes. This was beginning to seem desperate!

During the following week, on different days I had what seemed to be powerful healing from SS and from GH (the 'lightworker' who had made and supplied my sacred geometry 'healing' wands), either of which 'healings', according to the respective healer, should have excluded and sealed out the 'entities' — and yet the latter were still with me.

I then really was getting to feel frightened — abandoned with an issue that nobody could resolve or even properly recognise, and for good measure another and eventually very severe attack upon me got under way during that time, which really felt as though it was going to be the end of me, with the inner voice repeatedly telling me that it was Anlil (sic), King of the Underworld, and it was going to claim me and hold me prisoner in the 'astral dimension' as soon as I'd died.

That was all a particularly nightmarish experience, which I came out of when I had a remote reading and advice on the phone from the already mentioned experienced 'healer' CS in Evesham (UK), whose phone number I'd been given when I made a desperate, seemingly clutching-at-straws phone call to the London office of the National Federation of Spiritual Healers. Although at that point he 'saw' only thought forms and no troublesome entities around me*, he did give me some suggestions of certain practical things to change and to do in my everyday life, and thus he succeeded in getting me to ground my awareness a bit and thus break the feedback loop of fear and intimidating 'story' that had been a major part of the mechanism of the attack, and I quickly recovered.

Another notable 'healing' that I received was from Stephen Webb, apparently a highly regarded and very strong channel for 'Archangel Michael', in June 2005 during my short stay at the Findhorn Foundation, a 'spiritual' community in Scotland, and that, supposedly, should have fixed the problem, but the 'entities' (i.e., garbage interferences) were still with me. Then in July 2005 at the Quest fair at Newton Abbot, I had a quite different sort of 'healing' from Grahame Wyllie (henceforth abbreviated to GW), a clairvoyant 'healer' and channel (medium) who operates as a quite prominent guru under the name of Shabdan.

In that 'healing' he guided me through calling in all the contracts that, he said, would have been made between my 'higher self' and any of the entities (which GW called 'false guides') to allow them into my 'aura', and then 'etherically' burning all those contracts to ashes (i.e., visualizing it happening — big deal!). He then guided me through doing the same for all the contracts supposedly made by my 'higher self' with gateways in my 'aura' to allow the 'false guides' to open them. Supposedly all that ought to have fixed the situation* — but I still had the 'entities'.

Another angle that I was guided through at the July 2005 Quest fair was using a particular setup statement in the (original) EFT — Even though I have this troublesome inner voice and I seem to be stuck with it for ever, I deeply and completely love and accept myself, and I choose now to thank it and pension it off. In the particular group context this produced some emotional release from me, which impressed people who were attending that particular demonstration but didn't clear out the 'entities' — but then it would have been too much to expect an immediate 'miracle' of EFT for this issue, for it would have required ongoing work on such issues to clear any such issue, even if the 'entities' were real ones to start with.

Then a couple of weeks later, at Findhorn again, SW guided me through creating by visualization a blue pyramid of 'Archangel Michael' energy* to put myself within, which would exclude all the 'entities', and, according to him, all I needed to do was to re-create the pyramid once a day. The only trouble was that each pyramid (really illusory to start with, as I'd nowadays recognise) dissolved within about half a minute, if that, and the 'entities' had really never left me at all.

In November 2005 I had a remote healing from Isy Grigg (henceforth abbreviated to IG), and she reported that she'd removed and excluded the 'astral beings' from my energy system and removed some donut-shaped parasitic negative energy implants*, including, she said, one that had been holding my crown chakra wide open and so allowing undesirables to enter my system.

The very notion that a chakra can let in entities and other problems through being 'open' is one of the many fictions that have come to 'healers' from the garbage. An 'open' chakra (if indeed such a thing as a chakra really existed at all) would actually be nothing other than an energized one, and the garbage was cultivating particular myths among 'healers' to encourage them to de-energize chakras (really to slightly weaken the person's non-physical aspects), supposedly in the name of closing them to keep entities and other nasties out.

Bafflingly (at the time), throughout the healing I was getting the occasional tell-tale visual 'no' flash responses to various of my thoughts, and even while IG was telling me on the phone afterwards that I was completely clear of the 'astral beings' I was still getting intrusive communications apparently from them. Although it seemed at the time conceivable that I was experiencing then just a pattern of expecting their interference, as IG was claiming, I thought otherwise, and two main alternatives seemed likely to me.

One was that the entities were hidden from IG to fool her into thinking that she'd removed them when in fact their removal hadn't been allowed*. The other was that the entities had been temporarily excluded by IG's 'healing' but my 'higher consciousness' then presented me with a simulation of them until they were allowed back into my energy system at least within a day or so and probably within an hour or so.

In July 2006, as recounted further below, I had a session with Elizabeth (henceforth abbreviated to E), a 'healer' fully trained at the School of Energy Healing, a UK offshoot of the quite prestigious Barbara Brennan School of Healing. This of course too failed to remove the 'entities' and indeed briefly re-empowered them a little (because the garbage exploited the slight stress of my vainly trying to get rid of the supposed entities), and E 'revealed' that I had relationship chakra cords connecting me to the entities — which, it seemed at the time, helped to explain why no healing could remove them*.

Supposedly, such cords could be dissolved only when one's 'higher consciousness' determines that it's for one's 'highest good' (another bit of New-Age-speak!) for that to happen. For the time being I assumed that my 'higher consciousness' still saw it as for my highest good to keep the entities at the present time, in which case no ethical healing would be able to get rid of them at that time.

The day after that, the already mentioned experienced healer, dowser and 'lightworker' DL of Launceston, Cornwall, had a remote 'peek' at my 'aura', 'saw' a wide open 'door' from my 'aura' into the 'astral dimension', and supposedly closed it — having the previous day had my invitation to have a go at banishing my little 'pets'. The result? No change.

At that time my understanding was* that my own 'higher consciousness' had chosen for me to go through the difficult experiences with the 'entities', and therefore it simply undid or disallowed every healing or would-be protective measure that was aimed to get rid of them or keep them out.

So, through hard experience, I'd progressively come to the view that presumably I had to allow this issue to work itself out and trust my 'higher consciousness' and any involved higher beings to clear out the 'astral beings' when they considered it would be for the 'highest good' that they be removed. It looked, thus, as though I might indeed be stuck with the 'entities' until I'd cleared out virtually all of the seemingly huge mass of stored fear and related trauma emotions that I was still carrying.

I'd say that the 'healer' who came out the clear best in the above catalogue of unedifying 'healer' confusions and gaffes was CS of Evesham, for he was the one who actually gave me genuinely helpful (grounding) advice for getting out of particular attack crisis events — though on the second occasion (in October 2004) the scale of the attack, and the particular course of events (in particular a 'life changing' visit from a couple of community policemen) didn't give his advice much opportunity to assist me as it had done on the first occasion.

He did make his own gaffes, however, and clearly didn't understand the real nature of 'astral beings' and the garbage, BUT he was the only one who clearly had a good idea that attending to certain grounding things was a first requirement in such crisis situations, and he communicated to me much more than any of the others a confidence that I was really okay and that the seemingly terminal crisis was just a little temporary 'blip' to clear with just a few simple measures. I felt about him a greater clarity than any of the others showed, and nowadays I'd interpret that as most likely indicating that he had distinctly less soul programming than them, and was thus closer to my own no-soul state.

"Your tests and trials are almost over" — Archangel Michael has spoken!

In July 2005 at the Findhorn Foundation, I had a 'reading' from SW, who, as I've remarked above, was widely regarded as a very strong and supposedly reliable channel for Archangel Michael*. The latter, speaking through him, told me that my tests and trials are almost over and that I'd already won the war against the forces of darkness, emphatically repeating the latter twice as I cried a little. He also emphasized that the 'astral beings', despite all the difficult and dark experiences, had served an important healing end for me and so their ultimate function had been positive.

As for my tests and trials being almost over, well, that very statement was more garbage bullshit, seeking to legitimize the garbage's attempts to wreck me — like a Holocaust denier. So much for the credibility of 'Archangel Michael' as anything worthwhile to channel from!

In any case, actually the interferences and attacks continued right through 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008 and beyond — though thankfully with a steady diminution from mid 2007. Indeed, as already noted, in early February 2007 I had a climactically severe and spectacular all-night ordeal — though at that stage I was strong enough not to be traumatized or really significantly harmed by it, even though it did lead me transiently into some real danger. More about that one in My Own Self-Actualization Process or 'Path' — Part 2 and Psychiatry: my personal experience — Gaining fundamental insights.

It was in late 2008 that, having done some very interesting and fruitful detective work upon my experiences, I found out what looked like being the true nature of the garbage, about which I say more in The true nature of 'the forces of darkness' and its interference and attacks.

Being pragmatic about medication

Rather than just be at the mercy of attacks when they came, in 2005 I set up a small stock of medication that I could use to get me through a severe peak of nasties and minimize the disruption to my life. This was primarily for enabling me to get some sleep when things were really rough, for even then during the daytime I preferred to remain unmedicated and to allow the nasty experiences to be what I thought for quite a while then (thanks to misinformation given to me by GH the 'lightworker') to be just part of my self-healing process.

The medication that I settled on was Haloperidol (an antipsychotic) in 1.5mg and 5mg tablets (the latter only for really strong peaks), and Zopiclone and Nitrazepam sleeping tablets — keeping both so that they were alternated to minimize any possible addiction or tolerance problems. I found that a nocturnal dose of Haloperidol greater than 1.5mg caused me a really bothersome drowsiness for much of the next day, so I learnt to limit Haloperidol to the latter modest dosage.

However, following from recommendation during my third hospitalization, in September 2006, I discarded all the Haloperidol and then had 0.5mg Risperidone tablets available instead (another antipsychotic).

Also, it was general policy of mine never to take a sleeping tablet on two successive nights, even if it meant sometimes risking some sleepless nights (ameliorated, though, with Haloperidol or Risperidone if a particular night looked like being problematical). In fact I had to recourse to such medication only occasionally, but it was a great reassurance to have means to control severe attack peaks and avoid the successions of rough, sleepless nights that I'd had at times in 2004.

I really didn't want to use antipsychotics at all, but it was really somewhat necessary at that time that I keep a little stock of antipsychotic and be prepared to take a tablet as a sort of 'political' measure, either just before or soon after calling the Crisis Team, because that would avoid awkwardness with individuals who I was wanting to be supportive at that time, and who mostly automatically expected me to take some medication that a psychiatric consultant / doctor had prescribed or recommended for me.

It was much more helpful for gaining supportiveness from the putative support person if I was able to answer the inevitable question as to what medication I was currently taking, to be able to say that although I wasn't taking ongoing medication ('BAD!'), I'd just taken a tablet of xxx to try to reduce the severity of the current attack, or would be taking a tablet of that when I went to bed. My showing some signs of flexibility and pragmatism helped cultivate such people's trust in my own self-care choices, which of course included my NOT taking ongoing medication.

As things got better for me, from mid 2007 onwards, I didn't compromise so much, and no longer had anything to do with the antipsychotics, and was open about this and what my inner inquiry and Helpfulness Testing had indicated about their harmfulness, but would still take a Zopiclone tablet (NEVER again Nitrazepam or any other benzodiazepine type drug) at bedtime when the garbage was really seriously disturbing my sleep.*

For a while I tried the herbal preparation called Kalms (containing valerian, hops and gentian extracts), but as far as I could tell it was more or less ineffective for what I was going through. One contra-indication I noted was that allegedly this herbal medication was reckoned not to have its alleged beneficial effect on sleep unless taken regularly (three times per day). That goes against the really sensible policy — of keeping right off medication except for the occasional emergency situations.

Many people have the mistaken notion that medication is fine as long is it's with natural products. The real point is that ongoing medication, whether natural or synthetic, is being used to try and reduce or eliminate symptoms and so to take attention away from the problem that's causing the symptoms. It therefore points us away from true healing, which latter would concentrate on resolving the underlying issue(s).

Having a safety net

The garbage had been able to give me a particularly rough time because it was exploiting my solitary lifestyle and deep-seated pattern of isolation and loneliness, which readily weakened the grounding of my awareness and thus made me vulnerable to both deceptions and attacks from the garbage.

It was quite dramatic how attacks fell away when I was hospitalized — not because of hospital medication but because I was away from the solitude of my flat and was then having ongoing contact with people who were at least to some extent supportive (I'm thinking here primarily of the lovely nurses rather than the doctors, who, especially in my first two hospitalizations, were so useless), and so I was becoming more grounded and getting a more 'outward' balance of my awareness and getting more sense of 'connectedness'.

Another situation that I found to be attack-free was when I was staying at the Findhorn Foundation* — one week in June and two weeks in July, 2005.

However, hospital appeared not to be really what was required to deal with the crises, but simply somewhere to sleep out for a few nights with a friend or other supportive people around. I had no suitable friend to stay with, but when I had a crisis at the end of April 2005 I found that by contacting the psychiatric hospital's Crisis Resolution Team (CRT) I could be put out into respite care instead of having to go into hospital yet again, and indeed that was the option I took. That time I was away for just three nights, with no silly doctors, no drugs, and complete freedom to go out on unaccompanied walks. The CRT are wonderful people who recognise that many such crises are non-medical issues and so wherever possible they seek non-medical or at least non-hospital means of handling the crises that they're asked to help with.

It thus became an ongoing reassurance to me that, still in absence of any suitable friend to turn to for support, I had the safety net of the CRT to contact, should I have any further big peak of trauma emotion feelings that rose to crisis level. Having that reassurance actually made me feel more secure and thus less threatened when a peak of nasties did arise, consequently rendering such peaks less likely to reach crisis level in the first place.

However, on the basis of subsequent experience I eventually came to the conclusion that for me very brief hospitalizations were likely to be more effective than non-hospital respite care as I'd experienced it, because when I had the latter actually I was left on my own a lot, and although it was nice being free to go out on country walks in the vicinity, actually I didn't get so well grounded and the attacks still continued somewhat afterwards.

My real need was for getting my awareness fully grounded and balanced, by having supportive and well grounded people fairly closely around me all the time for a little while. I say this in the context that I'd developed a very positive and constructive relationship with the particular hospital nursing staff and doctors (even though there was such an awareness 'chasm', and thus an apparently unresolvable disagreement, between the doctors and me). Indeed, it was in particular my actively developing and cultivating that positive relationship that had such a strong grounding effect for me.

The downside about the hospital 'route', though, was the potential for being forced to take a stronger medication rather than just a lip-service to keep the doctors quiet. Fortunately in my case I'd already convinced the psychiatric doctors in 2004 that I really could 'recover' dramatically from a crisis with absolute minimum of medication (they couldn't get their heads around the notion that I'd do even better with no medication at all!).

The Crisis Resolution Team, in any case, remained my primary safety net, and when a crisis seemed to be developing and it looked as though I'd be denied sleep, I'd phone the Crisis Team and have a chat. Usually that was enough to defuse the attack and 'puncture' the developing crisis, but on two further occasions the Crisis Team people facilitated my admission to the Cedars hospital for short stays in order to reground and rebalance myself in the event of exceptionally severe crisis events.

On another occasion (the spectacular February 2007 ordeal), when apparently there were no hospital beds available just then, two nice people from the Crisis Team periodically visited me for a few days, and that enabled me to get sufficiently rebalanced to get clear of that particular crisis.

Even in 2008 there were two main attempts by the garbage at creating crises for me, which were starting to get a bit disruptive, and so I yet again called the Crisis Team, but by then I had no cause to contemplate being admitted to hospital or respite care; just the odd chat on the phone was all that was needed to ground and balance my awareness just that little bit more, together with very powerful self immunization procedures using the Grounding Point procedure together with my tuning my Energy Egg* to the emotional 'button pushing' element of each attack.

A sting in the tail — an unexpected attack come-back…

After that I assumed that all really significant attack events were behind me, as I could quickly and simply nip in the bud the occasional incipient attack (precipitated by some very temporary bit of stress) as soon as I noticed it. However, to my dismay towards the end of 2015, through a particular unusual (indeed, seemingly unprecedented!) action of mine I unwittingly dropped myself into a situation in which my methods for dissolving garbage attacks were no longer effective, and so for some 2½ months then I was blighted with often quite strong attacks once more, which I could no longer dissolve.

This necessitated a fair number of contacts with the Crisis Resolution Team's emergency telephone staff — some of whom were nurses who I'd had an excellent relationship with in Wonford House and Cedars. For the most part I made such calls just before going to bed, when it was appearing that I was going to be stopped from sleeping — or sometimes during the night, when an attack was coming on and making further sleep look unlikely.

That mystifying 'macro-attack' event did gradually run out of steam as my attack-dissolving methods started working again (early March 2016). But then the same thing happened in late 2017. That time I was able to start gaining a proper understanding of how and why this was coming about, through considering carefully what were the common factors between the two events.

Little did I know back then, that in early 2022 a new insight into that phenomenon was to result, right there and then, in commencement of a process for the ultimate solution for at least the hugely major part of all human irrationality, at a universal scale…

More about that in Project 'Fix the Human Condition'
>> Hot Topic.

Updates — Confusions progressively unravel,
and then comes the Great Turnaround

---

Why did all this happen to ME?

This has to be speculation, although based on my inner inquiry to get suggestive pointers to help construct some sort of working model of what had really been going on. I don't subscribe to the notion that such things can happen to people without better reason than that they're somehow 'ill' or 'disordered', or it just happened (i.e., without any cause). It should be clear from all I've written above that some influence, presence or 'power' was really being quite purposeful in trying to distort and at times completely disrupt my life (as happens for a small but significant minority of people), and in some very distinctive ways that were completely alien to me — i.e., this personality Philip Goddard.

It's worth bearing in mind that I'd had a certain almost lifelong dedication to becoming free of emotional traumas and limiting beliefs, and thus becoming fully free and, as far as reasonably possible, a full manifestation of my deepest nature, which is fully positive, healthy, and deeply, awarely rational in a warm and healthily loving way. That's basically what I and others call self-actualization or self-realization — though different people and traditions have different ideas of the specifics of what it is and how achieved.

I've already presented my working model of what that troublesome influence appears to be, and in broad terms how it operates, in The true nature of 'the forces of darkness' and its interference and attacks. On the basis of that 'understanding' (i.e., working model) of the garbage, I postulate the following linked agendas that look as though they were running for me:

• To stop me from becoming a significant disseminator of insights and means to enable people to clear themselves of garbage influence and get out of religion and so-called spiritual paths and into true and comprehensive self-actualization (which would make people totally free from and invulnerable to such interference).

  The garbage presumably detected at the start of my life that I had an exceptionally powerful 'freedom' energy that appeared to be a threat to the working of its intrinsic programming to keep interfering with all people in ways that would maintain the very existence of the garbage*. Any person who puts up a full-frontal challenge to its agenda would be, in its control-oriented 'view', somebody who must be stopped at all costs.

  * I explain about this in The true nature of 'the forces of darkness' and its interference and attacks. I'd originally written here of the garbage having plans to take control of the whole human race, but, while the situation can indeed be 'read' like that, one is then left with an unanswered question as to why it's so unremittingly fixated on gaining such control.

  Once you regard the garbage as being just thought-form 'programming' that, just as a result of a natural selection process, is programmed to do whatever will maintain its existence, rather than there being actual aware beings having an actual desire to control, you have a much more helpful angle on the whole situation, which leaves no major questions unresolved and also points to the most effective remedial measures for us to take.

  However, I subsequently found out that the situation may be less straightforward, if indeed the astral thought forms are working in tandem with the postulated cacoprotean network, which would then most likely be the real primary aspect of the garbage, and that network would certainly be controlled by programming to keep seeking to expand the network (i.e., always seeking to gain new members, by means fair or, normally, foul), both to directly perpetuate itself (after all, people do inconsiderately go and die), and to eliminate the possible threats from people who are outside its control.

• To get my awareness so poorly grounded (by means of all the ordeals, attacks and supposedly disorientating tricks and deceptions) that it could get a particular pre-programmed and very powerful 'lost' human soul attached to me as a sort of partial walk-in, so that the garbage could then control me through that attached 'lost' soul.

  As far as I can tell so far, the garbage may well have been trying to get me functioning as a prominent and charismatic 'spiritual' teacher like the late Sai Baba, a prominent and quite widely revered 'spiritual' teacher in India who was also quite widely known to be working hand-in-hand with the garbage (performing 'miracles' is an immediate sign of this, though there were many other matters such as his putting psychic attacks on people who he was aware could 'see through' his act) — but, in view of the ways my 'guidance' had been trying to lead me, I'd most likely have been even more overtly 'dark' in my practices than he was.

• Because of my sharp intellect I may well have been 'seen' as potentially a particularly powerful and desirable puppet teacher of 'the dark arts' — but because of my inner freedom and independence of mind, this couldn't happen without my having a particularly powerful partial walk-in or spirit attachment to control me and ensure that I was responsive to the garbage's lures with depraved sexual attractions to keep me firmly and unwaveringly on the 'dark path'.

  Actually, I'm fairly sure that if the garbage had managed to get that particular 'lost' soul installed in my system (as a partial walk-in), which I understand would have been more difficult to remove than the standard parasitic 'lost' souls that I did have, almost certainly it wouldn't have worked as the garbage had been striving for. In particular, I'd have had the clarity to realize that something was very wrong, and I'd have thus had a rough time of it through the inner conflicts and would have been actively seeking assistance and also redoubling my efforts to find the most effective self-healing and entity clearance method.

  So, it's extremely unlikely that I'd have actually become any really effective puppet for 'the dark side' even then. Perhaps, then, the real purpose of a partial walk-in for me would have been simply to render me 'broken' (an intractable 'psychiatric case') and thus harmless to the garbage agenda.

  Please also see Partial Walk-ins — How the 'dark forces' nearly nobbled me.

• To kill me by means of particular psychic attack strategies from actual people who were themselves strongly garbage-controlled via the postulated cacoprotean network, so getting me right out of the way.

• …And the short answer, which takes in all the above, is that apparently I'm a no-soul person with 'sniff-it-out' 'specialist' configuration.

Paranoia, you guess? — Well, now read on and see what you make of this…

My 'Astral Beings' — Now the scary bit: What I was really dealing with

If you've read the rest of this page up to this point, please now proceed to:

My 'Astral Beings' — Now the scary bit: What I was really dealing with

— in which I present a full report of retrospective detective work of mine that holds up to proper scrutiny my involvements with the 'lightworkers' GH and MC, and reveals a seriously sinister side of what had been going on.

Appendix — Selected memorable experiences and plus points

I list now a selection of highlights and plus points of what I've been through. This is a very personal selection of what particularly stands out, including particular experiences that had shown me important things about myself.

• 'Powerful' self-healing, albeit in the craziest and nastiest manner!
  From my perspective back then, without experience of any really powerful and efficient emotional healing methods (I most certainly don't count Re-evaluation Counselling as one), the experiences of being attacked with trauma emotion feelings appeared to be functioning as parts of a powerful ultra-accelerated healing process for exceptionally massive trauma complexes that I was carrying, which I later recognised as not belonging to me at all but to parasitic 'lost' souls attached to me, and which I was experiencing almost as my own.

  I was able to release such feelings 'powerfully' over a period, simply by being their peaceful observer. Even when experiencing the awesomely unbearable feelings of full-throttle terror, I was still the peaceful observer — though sweating profusely and with dry mouth, and then coming out in strong trembling.

  Having said that, though, I don't mean to imply that the above would really be a sensible or valid choice for myself or anyone else as a healing method, particularly as, despite the emotional clearance that was likely occurring, repeated use of that method would have always been harmful and progressively weakening in other ways. Simply, as the particular situation had been imposed upon me, it made sense to recognise the positive aspects of what was going on, as well as the harmful and disruptive elements, and sought to get (and recognise) some healing / self-actualization effect out of whatever happened to me.

  In reality, use of Self-Power Walking or/and the Grounding Point procedure and also the Clarity-Sphere would have been massively more powerful, with no harmful effects (i.e., that I'm yet aware of), and always an absolutely painless and enjoyable experience. See Philip Goddard's self-actualization methodology — Introduction.

• The 'exam'
  I learnt many, many things about my strengths — including areas and degrees of strength that I previously never knew I had. There was one particular phase of my October 2004 ordeals when, mostly by night, I was given a series of questions with multiple choice answers to choose from — like an oral exam, of all things. Let's remember, at this point I was assuming that, although 'astral beings' seemed to be involved, these questions with multiple choice answers were coming from a higher source and represented real life choices for me — even though I also knew that it could be just a show from the 'astral beings'.

  Certain choices that I made then would have scared most people's pants off, because I wasn't prepared to allow threats to deflect me from my basis of love and aware consideration for others — even the threat of the ultimate hell in Buddhism, the purported Hell of Ultimate Torment.

  There were the odd heart-stopping moments when I'd made particular choices that allegedly would right there and then drop me into that very hell. In fact each time I made such a choice and immediately nervously waited to see if I was really going to drop into that 'hell', I was greeted by a thunderous voice calling out Oh no, you don't! and then nothing happened — but the fact remains that I'd actually chosen, provided it would be truly for the ultimate good, to experience the supposed Hell of Ultimate Torment. That 'exam' was definitely not for the faint-hearted!

  My understanding now, based on subsequent inner inquiry, is that there appear to have been actually two parallel or alternative very sinister agendas behind certain of the ordeals, including this one. The first would be the one described in Partial Walk-ins — How the 'dark forces' nearly nobbled me. From that viewpoint, first and foremost, the above example would have been aimed at scaring me so much that I'd go sufficiently out of body for the garbage to bring about the partial walk-in that it was so strenuously seeking to get stuck into my 'system'.

  In that event it failed colossally because I wasn't really frightened at all, but simply feeling a superficial nervousness while otherwise being still peaceful observer, simply accepting 'What Is'. At that point I'd been feeling a very deep sense that everything was actually working all right for me, and, despite any superficial appearances just then, my own deepest aspects were ensuring that I'd come to no harm — as was evidently the case!

  It looks as though there was a second parallel or alternative extremely sinister and chilling agenda involved, as you can begin to understand from the item on Cutting ties with Buddhism, further below.

• I'll hike or drop dead!
  In the early 2004 ordeals I was being brought down to a very low ebb by being repeatedly given what had subsequently been described to me as feelings from an ancient 'disconnection' trauma of mine (when, allegedly, my higher consciousness had killed me by severing all my relationship chakra cords)* often at a traumatically strong level.

  * As far as I understand it now, being a no-soul incarnation, I presumably have had no such past life, so any past life trauma that was affecting me in any way wouldn't have been mine but would have belonged to one or more of the attached parasitic 'lost' souls.

  In this particular case, however, as far as I've been able to ascertain so far, the particular traumatic feelings were actually basically birth trauma (most likely not just mine but combined from one or more of the attached 'lost' souls) but strongly distorted to greatly magnify the sense of disconnection, out-and-out bleakness and personal devastation, at least as compared with the trauma that I myself experienced at birth (which has recently been in some measure 'shown' to me by my deeper aspects non-traumatically for information purposes).

  For more about the process of degradation of human souls brought about by the garbage, please see The true nature of 'the forces of darkness' and its interference and attacks.

  At the time I was told that this was all experiments upon me by ascended masters to test the depth of my 'spiritual realization', and the supposed 'ascended masters' (i.e., really the garbage) were closing to varying degrees my relationship chakra cords and also greatly reducing the overall power level of my 'aura', and they actually kept reporting to me the alleged percentages of normal level — occasionally going down to 1% when it felt as though I were close to dying, and I was told that if the cords were completely closed it would kill me.

  In the midst of these desperate-feeling tribulations, a fine Saturday was forecast and I was determined that I was going to get out on a hike despite all this. On the Friday I 'said' resolutely to the inner voices that I commanded that my energy system be fully restored for the hike, and a rather mocking-sounding chorus of voices — supposedly higher beings but of course really the garbage — told me that that wouldn't be possible.

  However, I went to bed early and rose early on the Saturday, feeling very weak and quite ghastly. Every thought of mine about the prospective hike was greeted with a chorus of inner voices mockingly pleading with me not to do such a foolish thing. But my resolve was set and I did indeed go, telling the supposed highest will that if it wanted me to remain alive it was up to it to restore my energy system. I was quite clear that it was okay if the outing killed me, because living the way that I was experiencing then was no way to live at all, so I'd either hike or drop dead, and sod the lot of these so-called 'ascended masters' who were doing such diabolical things to me!

  When I set out on the initial half-hour's road walk in the hitch-hike for Exmouth I felt as though I could well drop dead even on my way to the start of the scheduled walk. Anyway, in fact I completed the walk, from Exmouth, along the coast path to Beer — about 21 miles (34km) and 1,140 metres of ascent — in pretty normal time and with no great trouble. Indeed it seemed that in the later part of the walk I was getting massive assistance from angelic beings* — I could feel a certain energy 'presence' propelling me along.

  * As already repeatedly noted, my current understanding is that there are no true 'higher' beings that we could ever know of.

  So, my 'assistance' would thus have been simply the strength and openness of my own deepest aspects (actually the true 'highest' source) coming through, no doubt in response to my determination to push through all the apparent obstructions given me by the garbage. The latter, however, most likely reduced its attacks during the walk in ways that gave me the impression of my getting 'angelic' assistance, for cultivating in me a belief in higher beings would have been very much a part of its agenda.

• There's a laughing space in everything…
  In a rather earlier phase of the early 2004 ordeals I'd been given some particularly nightmarish and traumatic experiences with being given the impression of having hordes of purported vengeful spirits of wolves that had been killed by humans, also with some purported 'demons', set upon me, and I was supposed to send these 'to the Light' as they attached to me — well, except that the demons allegedly couldn't be 'sent to the Light' and had to be converted into angels. You see how crazy all this was! I understand in hindsight that all this was simulations, but they were made pretty realistic, with nasty 'chakra' feelings as the fictitious spirits attached to me — particularly at the supposed crown chakra.

  As a result of some quite traumatic experiences during this phase of the troubles, I learnt that the only way for me really to handle such assaults was just to let go of any notion of defending or protecting myself and simply to trust the 'highest will' to do what it would — and when I adopted that approach those particular attacks dissolved.

  Anyway, once I'd just about got that tactic established I had a hilarious time one evening, when, in my 'inner vision', I was sent two supposedly very formidable-looking 'demons' which were of elongate, rather reptilian shape and had faces that were not altogether appealing and bore long, pointed teeth, and they both attached to my left leg, sinking their teeth in.

  I saw the funny side of this, as it reminded me of a dog shagging my leg, and I was in fits of laughter* at that for the rest of the evening, with a dull ache developing at my left knee, where one of the alleged demons had its 'etheric' (i.e., really illusory) teeth embedded. While this was going on I was given an appearance of an audience of angels above me, who were also in fits of laughter in amazement at my own gutsy mirth with two alleged demons still attached to my leg.

  * What I didn't understand till much more recently was that those paroxysmal fits of laughter were themselves the product of a sort of attack from the garbage for the purpose of draining my energy. I didn't ice at the time that the laughter made me feel really exhausted in a way that nothing else had done, but at that point my awareness was too ungrounded for me to question more deeply what was going on and put two and two together.

  Nonetheless, my humour and even hilarity were still genuine then, and I still get a laugh when I think back to then — it was simply that my hilarity was being exploited to try to further pull me down. Ordinary laughter is fine — but I know now to interrupt and put a firm stop on any of that uncontrollable, paroxysmal laughter that tends to bring tears to the eyes.

• Tricked into thinking I'd been Jesus
  At a quite early stage in promoting the agenda of seeking to persuade me that I was 'King of All the Realms', in early November 2003 the garbage, making out to be the well-known high guide Orin, tricked me into accepting (for a while) that I'd been Jesus, and this came about in such a way that it was made to appear that this was forbidden information that I'd stumbled upon despite the best efforts of my guidance to prevent me from knowing it.

  That of course made this misinformation look particularly convincing — all the more so because one of the emotional traumas that I was seeking to heal was suggestive of my having been at least close to Jesus in that particular lifetime*. Purportedly, my knowing this forbidden information at that point was a serious threat to the whole alleged Higher Plan for Humanity. That immediately terrified me and I even offered to leave this incarnation at that very point if it would be for the 'highest good'**.

  * Well, it indeed was very suggestive of that from my viewpoint then, not knowing that any apparent past life experiences / traumas that were affecting me wouldn't have been my own. Theoretically, one of the parasitic lost souls attached to me might have had such a direct connection with the historical Jesus, but almost certainly what was really happening was that the garbage was rubbing my nose in a particular non-primary archetype embodied in the biblical story of Peter's three denials of Jesus — that archetype itself having a strong connection with the 'Ultimate Outcast' primary archetype, to which I apparently had a particularly strong connection.

  A particular apparent indicator for me was how I would burst into tears profusely whenever I contemplated the biblical story of the disciple Simon Peter's three denials of Jesus — the garbage kindly covertly 'feeding' me the implication that I'd actually been Simon Peter.

  ** Re-reading this nowadays is distinctly scary, now that I understand about the garbage's repeated attempts to try and stage upon me a partial walk-in. Fortunately, although in relative terms for me — already enlightened — the particular situation 'terrified' me, I didn't really get beyond an emotional state of moderate fear, and even then an important part of my awareness was sufficiently grounded for me to be pretty well continuously releasing that fear through trembling.

  But what the garbage had presumably been after was my being really terrified — enough that I'd go out of body sufficiently for it to stage that confounded partial walk-in on me. During my succession of experiences with the garbage, it appears to have been trying me out for that in all manner of ways, trying to find some weak point of mine, which, if appropriately challenged by it, would lead to my going out of body like that.

  My 'guidance' assured me after a night of supposed enquiries to 'higher dimensions' that it wouldn't be necessary after all for me to leave this incarnation, and then led me through a gruelling session of affirmations for much of the evening of 5th November, repeatedly jumping up and down and roaring I'm Jesus of Nazareth! (using a crumpled-up handkerchief to muffle the sound for obvious reasons — and my flat was remarkably soundproofed anyway). This repeatedly brought about a tremendous amount of trembling (the release of fear), and resulted in a considerable and pretty abrupt increase in my self esteem, which actually considerably assisted me during the subsequent ordeals that the garbage took me through.

  It was a particularly surreal experience, because during this long evening session I was facing my living room window, and seeing all the fireworks going off over and around the bottom part of Exeter city, for in the UK the 5th of November is celebrated as Guy Fawkes' Day, and it's the national annual fireworks celebration time.

  The story that I'd been Jesus was dropped a couple of months later when my 'guidance' then told me that a fellow in the USA who'd contacted me, and who thought he was a Maitreya incarnation, had actually been Jesus, and I allegedly had been the latter's disciple Simon Peter — indeed the story that the garbage had covertly been cultivating in my mind for some years up to when I'd suddenly been surprised out of my pants by suddenly having the purported 'Jesus' identity sprung upon me.

  You see how confusing and convoluted it could become when one was unwittingly being 'guided' by the garbage — which one would be if one were being 'guided' by anything non-physical that appeared to be in any way external to oneself (and that includes 'God' and the 'Holy Spirit')!

  The change that occurred in me as a result of that intensive self-healing and pattern-breaking session was so great that it seemed almost like reincarnation within the same body, for I had a distinct sense at that time of leaving behind a timid persona, which I labelled 'Doubting Phil'. Of course my so-called 'guidance' did seek to persuade me that I was reincarnating in the same body just then, but I'm pretty sure that, except in figurative terms, that never happened.

  I actually doubt whether that session, although certainly powerful, had brought about such a big change for me. Almost certainly the garbage was manipulating my feelings in order to promote the notion that I was reincarnating within the same body, as part of the garbage's bogus storyline about me having a great destiny to be some sort of spiritual leader or teacher for all of 'Humanity'.

  Even well in retrospect, though, it does appear that I did at that point gain a significant improvement in my self-confidence — and indeed it looks as though that particular improvement was later on to backfire upon the poor little garbage, in that I became distinctly more ready to recognise and publicly expose its troublesome ways, and generally to get discarding / ignoring its bullshitting and get in touch with what was really going on — though that ability did still take time to develop properly, so that for a time I still had major troubles on my hands.

  Extraordinarily, it was during that gruelling session of 'I'm Jesus of Nazareth' affirmations that I first had channelled to me what I eventually came to call the Am Re symbol, my right hand being repeatedly guided to draw in the air this strange symbol that was both OM and spiral and more. I didn't know at the time what the symbol was, nor the source of it, my 'guidance' mischievously telling me that it was the 'new OM' and intended by the highest powers to be disseminated throughout the world, initially via my website, to replace all other versions of the OM because its 'vibration rate' was much higher — and then over the next month persuading me that it was the basis of a new healing system that I supposedly developed.

  On the basis of my observations of what had been happening to me, plus my inner inquiry supported by Helpfulness Testing on the subject, I understand now that no symbol at all connects to the highest healing energies or levels of consciousness, so that, contrary to widespread belief, using symbols (including Reiki symbols, the pentagram or the OM) could NEVER have helped me in the slightest towards enlightenment or genuine self-actualization, and neither were any of them enhancers of my healing abilities. Indeed, any such symbols at all would always limit my healing abilities.

  Furthermore, my understanding is that such symbols ALL in various ways interfere with our 'energy systems' in ways that make us more susceptible to the interference and influences of the garbage. They're also ungrounding in their effect, which further opens us to garbage interference and influence. Thus they're ALL a serious obstacle to true self-actualization and clear-mindedness.

  So, what I've written here about the Am Re being channelled to me is actually not at all about a real positive gain from my experiences as I'd thought until 2007, but really about a quite major problem I was given in the guise of something very positive.

• Cutting ties with Buddhism
  In the course of my October 2004 ordeals, late one evening I was directed to destroy or discard everything in my flat that had strong Buddhism connections. Most dramatic was the smashing on the floor of framed portraits of several Tibetan 'masters'* and a small plaster Buddha figure, but also in the course of this apparently destructive orgy I destroyed two beautiful and seemingly precious sacred geometry healing tools that I'd obtained from the Maitreya Monastery in Glastonbury, and threw away (to go to landfill!) a most wonderful-sounding Tibetan bell and singing bowl, both of which were in my estimation superior to most that I'd tried sounding at various shows.

  * Yes, and a real crazy thing that was, in practical terms, for I was finding splinters of glass on my carpet and indeed elsewhere in my living room for months afterwards, as I'd well realized would be the case!

  This may sound like a totally negative happening, but in fact, at the time it appeared to be an important step for me to take* — a symbolic breaking of very strong ties with Buddhism that my 'guidance' often in various ways 'reminded' me that I was carrying, and thus a breaking of my purported ties to the false, garbage-sourced teachings in Buddhism, which, according to my 'guidance', in this lifetime had been background beliefs and patterns holding back my emergence as an independent-minded promoter of genuine self-actualization — though at that time I was thinking of myself still as a 'spiritual teacher', not having yet understood that 'spirituality' is a seriously harmful sidetrack.

  * Little did I know then just how important — indeed, urgently so, it very likely had been that I have that little smash-up session then! It now looks to have been tremendously helpful to me in a way that I had no idea of till I did some inner inquiry supported by Helpfulness Testing in early 2009.

  I can't guarantee that the following scenario is 100% correct, because the sort of inner inquiry used isn't completely reliable, particularly with regard to specific details of supposed 'fact', but at least it does tie up very nicely with all my actual observations of what was going on, and it does appear to make more sense of a variety of the goings-on at that time, which, without such an explanation, would continue to look pretty chaotic.

  Actually, on the face of it, because (it appears) I'm a no-soul incarnation, any ties to Buddhism that I seemed to be carrying presumably couldn't have been genuinely mine apart from the very superficial one of having briefly embraced Buddhism around the time of my enlightenment in early 1997.

  Some of the parasitic lost souls attached to me could well have had ties to Buddhism, I think, including Buddhist vows, but there were limits to the extent I'd have been able to break those ties, because although they'd have been affecting me to a certain extent they'd have been simply not mine, and thus, like emotional issues of the attached parasitic lost souls, would have been much slower and more difficult to clear than anything similar that truly belonged to me myself.

  It turns out (revealed by much more recent inner inquiry) that nearly all of the problem that I was carrying, relating to those Buddhism connections, was actually an illusory reality that the garbage had covertly been building and cultivating in a more or less hidden part of my mindspace, in which I had actually had one or more past lives in supposedly high level Tibetan Buddhism and had taken vows and had taken on beliefs in sequential, karmic reincarnation, in severe retributional karma and in the whole 'menagerie' of hells in the Buddhist teachings.

  As far as I can tell, this illusory reality was created and being built up specifically during the earlier part this particular (October 2004) sequence of ordeals for a quite alarming and indeed chilling purpose.

  Now it becomes clear just why I was motivated and indeed 'guided' to do what I could to break my apparent Buddhist connections at that time — something that had always seemed a bit strange for the garbage to 'guide' me to do, seeing that any of that Buddhist crap in my system would have furthered the garbage's agenda for me.

  My Helpfulness Testing reveals that it was NOT the garbage that motivated me to do that, but my own deeper aspects, which could see a serious threat rapidly developing for me because of that illusory reality that the garbage was still covertly building and strengthening in that hidden part of my mindspace.

  I can indeed now see the potentiality for severe trouble in the later parts of that sequence of severe ordeals if I hadn't taken that radical step and done that smashing-up at that time.

  Although I had no significant true Buddhist connections of my own, that illusory reality, sneakily there in the back of my mind, was beginning to have the effect upon me, in my ungrounded state during those ordeals, of becoming a part of my actual subjective reality, so that the garbage could then drop me into the illusion of those Buddhist hells, supposedly as the result of the severe retributional karma that was included in that illusory reality.

  Now, what had appeared to be just a lot of hot air from my actually garbage 'guidance' during the later part of that sequence of ordeals, about me being about to be dropped into the Hell of Ultimate Torment (and other hells too) comes to have a much more sinister ring. I could possibly have been dropped into desperately horrific and traumatizing experiences, with considerable uncertainty as to the viability of my state following that.

  Indeed, there's a distinct possibility that I'd have gone into a coma state, inwardly experiencing one or more of the hells subjectively for 'aeons', while nasty things would most likely have then been done by medics to try to bring me round. Indeed, whether I'd have come out of that coma at all is itself in doubt, no matter what anyone would have done to try to 'save' me.

  Indeed, for a time during those ordeals, that sort of thing was precisely what my 'guidance' was claiming was going to happen to me. But in the event, no trace of any hells or real 'nasties' could manifest for me apart from the straightforward attacks from the garbage, very likely, then, because my 'cutting all Buddhist connections' smash-up session had actually altered that virulent illusory reality by actually breaking at least much of my connection with Buddhism, which existed within that illusory reality.

  Thus, in functional terms that illusory reality would have been largely destroyed, even though it most likely would have still been present but then relatively harmless.

  Although the garbage most likely got to work at once to replace or 'repair' that illusory reality, the latter presumably wouldn't have been able any longer to work on me for that purpose, because I then 'knew' that I'd broken my ties with Buddhism, and that would have prevented the particular illusory reality from affecting me very much any more, even though within that illusory reality I'd indeed have had Buddhist connections again.

  Having said that, however, I don't know how far that very nasty scenario could really have worked on me, because of the dogged groundedness of a particular part of my awareness that had to be pretty seriously ungrounded for such methods to at least work fully on me. As evidenced by my general resistance to being dragged into seriously troublesome astral realm experiences, the chances are that the I'm still a Buddhist at heart illusory reality wouldn't have been able to have at least the full intended effect on me.

  Still, that had been, on the face of it, a chilling and significant possibility for me. Thank goodness I did let go of my inhibitions and have that little smash-up session!

  
  
  

  Although the destruction of the two special 'healing' tools looked horrendously negative, actually they'd been made in a Buddhist monastic environment, and so my getting rid of them was a part of my making that complete symbolic break with Buddhism.

  At that time I'd no idea that those 'healing' tools were actually extremely harmful and my destroying them had been a Bloody Good Thing! Would that I'd followed suit and destroyed or at least discarded all my other sacred geometry 'healing' aids there and then (i.e., those made by GH)! For some reason, not very mysterious to me nowadays, the garbage never once sought to get me to get rid of those!

  This raises the inevitable question as to how it came that my deeper aspects didn't similarly direct me to destroy or discard those too. My inner inquiry results, underlined by my observations in hindsight, are strongly suggestive that actually my deeper aspects were all along seeking to get me to do just that, but those attempts were blocked by my garbage reinforced belief that the sacred geometry wands were all very positive and powerful healing tools.

  Actually, even before these troubles from the garbage had broken out, when GH, the 'lightworker' who had made those sacred geometry wands, delivered the first wands to me, I think in August 2003, when we parted with what I felt was a rather ritualized and not deeply 'meant' embrace, I felt a peculiar misgiving about him — as though there were a sort of menace about him despite his superficially very peaceful and composed manner, and that it was as if he had a covert intent to do me harm.

  I recurrently felt that misgiving about him, and always dismissed it just as my 'fanciful thoughts', but now I'm pretty sure that that was indeed warnings even then from my deeper aspects — but of course I didn't have Helpfulness Testing then and so I had no means, apart from my actually highly troublesome channelling, to put those 'fanciful' impressions about GH and his noxious wares to a really useful test.

  Whereas the garbage would intrusively give you instructions or 'guidance' at the slightest opportunity, your own deepest aspects are able to communicate only in extremely 'quiet' and subtle ways. Such communications thus can't become effective 'inner guidance' unless one uses means such as Helpfulness Testing to get some degree of direct 'reading' of them, or one happens to align one's ordinary mind or intent with any of those inner communications, when, in such cases, those communications would reinforce one's intent and cause it to be very deeply felt to have a particular 'soundness' about it.

  In this particular case, I'd already been increasingly seeing the shortcomings in the Buddhist teachings and had altogether distanced myself from them, and I was feeling particularly affronted by the obscenity of the inclusion of a grotesque collection of hells in the Tibetan Buddhist teachings.

  Also pretty shocking was the fact that when Tibetan Buddhist students are initiated into Vajrayana they actually have what's in effect a conditional curse put upon them by their 'master' — which is intended to drop them into the Hell of Ultimate Torment if they significantly depart from or slacken on their Vajrayana path — i.e., they'd have suffered the same sort of fate that I could well have done if I hadn't done my little smash-up job to break my supposed ties with Buddhism. 'Self-realization'? — Never!

  It was part of the garbage 'story' that I was being given, that I myself had been into Vajrayana myself in at least one previous lifetime, and because of this I was increasingly minded to clear myself of all the trauma and distorted energy of such previous lifetimes, and indeed to cut all apparent connections and ties with Buddhism, including all Vajrayana or other Buddhist vows.

  Thus it was remarkably easy for me to 'hear' what was actually a very subtle and quiet 'nudge' from my deepest aspects concerning cutting those connections — which 'nudge' in any case was automatically relayed to me by the garbage as a very gross nudge because it was actually reinforcing the story of my having had past lives in Buddhism, and my needing to clear connections with all that in order to be the great spiritual teacher and leader for Humanity that the garbage was claiming that I was destined soon to be.

  The garbage, being driven by programming — not a true core consciousness or awareness — could interact with me only in rigid, 'pattern' ways — albeit often sufficiently elaborately to appear superficially to be mimicking intelligent behaviour.

  So, it actually took over directing me for the little smashing-up orgy of 'cutting my connections with Buddhism' in order to serve one part of its agenda, despite that actually scuppering the particular plan to wreck me by use of those illusory connections. Relying on programming, not aware consciousness, the garbage would never be able to respond in a flexible and fully intelligent way to the complexity and uniqueness of such situations.

• Experience of 'magic' (including teleportation of objects)
  This was valuable to me in that I gained knowledge from actual experience that such a thing could happen and wasn't just an invention of particular people's 'delusional' states. On one occasion it was a crystal in a pouch, which appears to have been transported from my flat in Exeter virtually instantaneously to me at a location just west of Penzance, over 120 miles away. On another occasion it was one of my healing wands, which was in my living room and then appeared before me in my bedroom while all doors were closed.

  In the first of those occasions I'd simply remembered that I'd forgotten to include this particular Lemurian seed crystal with some others with me while I was being 'pixie-led' by the garbage on the fictitious 'Ahn' scenario already noted — I myself hadn't attempted to will the crystal to come to me at all. On the second occasion, during the short phase of nocturnal supposedly Satanistic practices, I was guided (unwittingly by the garbage) to will the wand to appear on the floor before me in my bedroom, and it did.

  My current understanding of the modus operandi of those teleportations is that at those particular times the garbage had a relatively strong hold on me and was able with some effort to use some of my life force energy to carry out the teleportations. Had I not been enlightened and with a particular part of my awareness still relatively well grounded, the garbage could have used my life force energy a lot more to move objects, either to frighten me and other people or to make it appear that I had great psychic powers and seek to get me onto the 'dark' path of doing public 'miracles' or indeed black magic.

  Because the garbage very soon had much less and indeed speedily decreasing hold on me, it was no longer able to use my energy to bring about even the smallest physical effects on objects around me. I understand that it was totally unable to affect physical objects directly and could do that only by use of certain elements of a person's non-physical aspects, and it couldn't do that unless the person's awareness was sufficiently ungrounded.

  There was an additional element, however, primarily in the second of those particular events, because at that time a good bit of my awareness was within an astral realm (illusory reality), and I think this was the case because when I picked up the wand that had appeared on the floor and looked at it at once in the dim light from the street outside (I was sitting on my bed in the dark in the small hours), I was amazed to see all sorts of proliferations of the merkaba configuration on the wand, and indeed was a bit concerned that it was being damaged by this.

  So, the teleportation had occurred within the astral realm. However, despite its having happened in an illusory reality, it had also happened in the 'real' reality, for in the morning, once it was getting light, I looked, half expecting to see no wand there on the floor by my bed, or to find it horribly damaged with all sorts of proliferations from its merkaba construction — but there it was, on the floor and in fine condition with no proliferations at all.

  However, although I say I was in an astral realm, on that occasion it's not altogether clear-cut, because that was my fourth or fifth consecutive night with no sleep, and the strange proliferations that I saw on the wand may have been the beginnings of plain sleep deprivation hallucination (something I haven't knowingly experienced before nor since, however).

  I was most likely experiencing a combination of astral realm and the beginning of hallucination*, but nonetheless the wand teleportation was genuine as far as I can tell. On the other hand, I suspect that sleep deprivation hallucinations are simply visuals given to the affected person by the garbage, because the considerable degree of sleep deprivation has ungrounded the person's awareness sufficiently to enable the garbage to intrude all sorts of visuals — and no doubt interfere in all sorts of other, and indeed really seriously troublesome, ways.

  * In far retrospect I doubt if that distinction is valid anyway, because generally what doctors / psychiatrists label as 'hallucinations' in their supreme ignorance of the true state of affairs are, yes, astral realms!

  ---

  My understanding now is that the garbage was trying, as part of its plan to get me out of body enough for a partial walk-in to occur, to use the 'energy' of my non-physical aspects to make inanimate objects move about in order to get me freaked out in blind terror. It looks as though, whatever relevant traumas may have been carried by particular of the parasitic lost souls attached to me, the primary thing that was being played upon was my connection to particular primary archetypes, including one directly relating to inanimate objects moving (as an 'ultimate terror').

  That primary archetype, and 'story' generated from it, had already been used to torment and attack me very severely when I was a small child, in the second-level hells, in which I was in an astral realm where I was pursued and menaced by various inanimate objects that moved around. Ever since then I'd had a morbid dread of the very notion of supposedly inanimate objects moving at all of their own accord.

  However, I'm sure that the garbage was also seeking to get me interested in using such 'special powers', for the purpose of luring me into Satanism or similar. Fortunately I was always very clear from my depths that the use of 'special powers', and particularly teleportation / telekinesis, was highly problematical and something emphatically not for me.

  There was actually another occasion when a sort-of 'magic' may have occurred — I think almost at crux point in either my October or November / December 2004 major crisis event — though it wasn't something that I myself sought to achieve!

  Late the particular evening I'd already packed up at the computer and I was getting all sorts of troublesome 'story' coming from my supposed 'guidance', including finally, that my computer's hard disk was, right at that point, being trashed, so that the computer wouldn't work any more. I was rather nervously thinking to myself that that was presumably rubbish — just a bit of menacing bluster to help get me freaked out — though of course the inner thought-voice was saying You just see — you won't be able to use the computer again, and your data is now all destroyed.

  As far as I can remember, it was the following day that I next turned the computer on, to more bluster from my 'guidance', claiming that it was a waste of time my turning it on — and, sure enough, almost at once there appeared on-screen a 'hard drive failure' message, with no further startup process. Impressive, hey! However, I wasn't nearly as fazed by that as you might imagine, because that very malfunction did actually sometimes happen with that computer, although only very occasionally, and actually just restarting the computer virtually always resulted in a normal startup.

  I'd discussed this occasional issue with the builder of that computer, and he reckoned that the problem was the computer's power supply not being quite powerful enough, so that if a slight dip of mains voltage coincided with the computer being switched on, the hard disk didn't get quite enough power, and would just give up till the computer was next started.

  So, even while so ungrounded, I recognised that this could be just a purely innocent, even though unlikely, coincidence. — And even if it was more than that, the chances were that the interfering 'presence' might well have simply managed to cause a slight dip in the voltage going to the hard disk to cause the normal startup failure.
  

  So, having then got taken away from the computer by the further crisis events and hospitalization, once I was back in my flat and nervously turned the computer on, I was relieved but not altogether surprised to be greeted by a normal startup, with all my programs and data intact.

• Introduction to wonderful music that I probably wouldn't have encountered otherwise — and my discovery of the 'supportive surroundings' regime
  No, the garbage didn't directly introduce me to any music — it has no interest in music except where that can be used as a means of promoting its agenda of gaining more power over people. But that's the point.

  I've removed from here my enthusing about some particular singing bowls music, because I nowadays consider it unhealthy for just about anyone in our currently screwed-up global civilization, and could come into its own in a healthy way only with no-soul people without the sort of issues and imbalances that the garbage had caused for them.

  However, there was also one particular occasion that still stands out in my mind for the really beautiful music, whose identity I never managed to establish. It was in the beginning of December 2004, just two or three days before my second hospitalization, and I was being taken through dire experiences again by the garbage posing as supposed 'guidance'.

  The latter on this particular evening was repeatedly emphasizing to me that once I started going to sleep I'd be beset by demons and would have a monumentally difficult time.

  As a desperate pragmatic measure I'd phoned the out of hours doctor service and actually had a very nice young doctor soon drop in on me with the Diazepam that he'd suggested I use*, and a prescription for some more (yum, yum!). I didn't know then that Zopiclone would have been not only much more effective for assisting sleep, but also much less harmful.

  * Actually that in itself was a highlight experience, albeit a transient one. I was feeling pretty desperate, after all, albeit not being in a physical panic state, and that little bit of contact with another, very well-intentioned, human being, even just over the phone felt like a lifeline.

  And then, when he'd arrived and buzzed on my intercom from the main entrance of my block, and I pressed the button to let him in, he had to come up to the top (second) floor, so I at once went onto the top landing and spoke down the stairwell welcomingly, with deeply-felt delight at his coming to give the little bit of assistance, and shook his hand when he got up to the top, and warmly welcomed him and thanked him for his trouble.

  "So what?", I can hear a multitude chorusing! — But the point is that he was visibly surprised and taken aback, and clearly really touched, and told me very appreciatively that this was extremely unusual for him to get such a warm, friendly and appreciative reception. In a small way it had helped to make that night shift of his an uplifting experience for him, in which for once he felt properly appreciated as a real person, rather than just being leant upon all the time. That of course gave me too a figurative ray of light and a great boost of morale.

  Anyway, very apprehensively, I got to bed very late, and for the first time ever I didn't close the partition door between my bedroom and living room for the night, and I left the light and the hi-fi radio on, though the latter at an extremely low volume level so as not to disturb anyone, and so that I might drift off — for I was being massively tormented by the garbage over my fear of the dark, and this matter of those demons all just waiting for me the moment I started going off to sleep…

  And so I lay there a very long time, listening to the very quiet music coming from my hi-fi system. I'm not sure whether the radio was tuned to Radio 3 or Classic FM, but there was, I think past midnight, a particular music work that went on for seemingly ages, with sections for different ensembles — sometimes strings, sometimes at least mostly wind instruments, and sometimes a choir.

  But anyway, there I was, lying there in the subdued light coming through from my living room, on the one hand with the threat of all those supposed demons if/when I fell asleep, and on the other hand just being incredibly peaceful and enraptured by that most beautiful of music that went on and on, with all manner of new surprises in the directions it took.

  In far retrospect I'm fairly sure the music was by Steve Reich or at least a very similar-sounding composer, and probably but for the effects of the Diazepam I'd have been more discerning and found the obsessively repeating motifs and phrases pretty tiresome, and further ungrounding as well.

  Actually, in a less late retrospect I came to recognise that the really important gain from that episode was my having discovered the value of what I nowadays refer to as the supportive surroundings regime, which I now describe more fully in Ways of handling a prospective rough or sleepless night. Really quite bizarrely, I didn't recognise its significance as a potent aid for handling potential rough nights generally, until early 2010, when, very belatedly, I did get using it on occasions.

• Watching a clip from my childhood night hell (aka night terrors) visuals as proactive peaceful observer
  Now, I don't mean that I'd actually choose, ever, to watch hell visuals! But, for me in my enlightened state, when I was shown a re-run of a perhaps ten minutes' sequence of my night hell visuals from when I was at the princely age of about three, this was an amazing and healing experience, because for the first time I was starting to see what that stuff actually was.

  I'd never imagined that I'd ever be shown that stuff and actually be able to start understanding what had actually been going on, so it was really quite fascinating and exciting for me, even though being shown that re-run was part of a highly troublesome and intimidating scenario, in which the garbage, posing as my own higher consciousness, was insisting to me that I had to go through extremely severe experiences to heal my alleged (and indeed virtually fictitious) immense childhood night hells trauma.

  I was shown that sequence on a night in my severe late November to early December 2004 ordeals that led to my second hospitalization, and it was amazing and indeed shocking to watch that 'video', being aware that this was what I'd been tormented with as a three-year-old. Much of it was a maelstrom of orgiastic Satanist-style squirming humanoid figures and all sorts of implications of orgiastic sexual activity and writhing masturbations and ejaculations (generally implied rather than actually explicit), then troupes of various types of unbelievably weird beings passing by, with a certain insect-like quality about them — particularly their twitchiness.
  And then I was shown a particular terror event as part of the sequence, which had driven me almost out of my mind with terror when I was three(ish), but this time was able to think, Wow, that's a bit weird and sort-of menacing, but at least it's only a 'movie', and at least the bits all flew off the other way, and it's all gone now!. As I now understand, that particular scene was actually a real nightmare and not a part of the true hell ('night terrors').

  I was actually quite delighted to have watched that latter scene for another reason too. It gave me at last a likely explanation of a strange inner response of mine to certain scenes in pictures of earthquake damage, where particular buildings were obliquely compressed and sheared, and also a particular one of the limestone quarrying caves in the cliffs by Worth Matravers in Dorset, England, whose entrance also showed such compression shearing.

  The sight of any of those seemed to be reminding me of some situation of an absolutely indescribable terror and panic — something nightmarish beyond all endurance. To get an idea of what those impressions could have been reminding me of, you can read my account of the nightmare that was the culmination of a particular night hell sequence in Night terrors and hell experiences — Understanding and clearing them. My account there puts the reader actually in my 'shoes' back then, when I was about three, in order to give more immediacy and impact to the effect.

Much more recently I've come to understand that two particular primary archetypes that I was connected to were the real main source of the traumatic quality of the nightmare, and indeed of the disturbing impressions noted in the last paragraph above — including what I call the proto-archetype. Please see Understanding archetypes — and clearing ourselves of them for more information about these.

• My weird hiking experience on 9th September 2006. That was just so 'far out', I couldn't help but look back on it as a fascinating 'highlight'. However, what I also came to understand in late 2008 was that I was still feeling drawn to my memories of that event because my deepest aspects were seeking to draw my attention to something important. It was particularly my going into deeper inquiry about that whole sequence of events in October 2008 that led to my arriving at the postulated cacoprotean network as being at least a part of the 'driving force' of the garbage.

  So, what had apparently been set up to be my grand nemesis turned out to be a key 'handle' for my coming eventually to understand the possible true nature of the garbage (at least from the viewpoint of an understanding that helps us possibly do something effective about it and the problems it creates), with the resultant theoretical slight possibility that by some means it could eventually be dismantled or dissolved, or at least its harmful effects to some extent mitigated.