Partial walk-ins — how the 'forces of darkness' nearly got me

Introduction

I'd heard of walk-ins before, where, purportedly, a consciousness vacates its physical body to allow another consciousness* to take the body over, but the partial walk-in was a completely new concept to me when I came to understand about this phenomenon in late November 2007. I thus don't know whether anyone else is aware of partial walk-ins, except as from this site. A quick Internet search of mine at that time listed no entries for that term with my meaning for it (apart from on this site, naturally), but of course this phenomenon may be recognised in some quarters and described / named differently.

My insights into this issue arose as a result of my ongoing self-actualization / self-realization process and the resultant steady clearance from myself of all garbage influences. This was opening me increasingly to my own deeper aspects, where true insight and understanding are found. Those deeper aspects of oneself know and understand many things that the 'ordinary mind' without proper connection to those deeper aspects could never know.

I give the following information about my own 'close encounter' with the subject of partial walk-ins, not to go on about myself but to show how devious, scheming and unremittingly agenda-driven is the garbage (often perceived as 'astral entities', 'astral beings' or 'demons'), and also something of its own fallibility and weak points, which we can exploit in order to assist us in clearing ourselves of its influence and making ourselves eventually fully invulnerable to it.

As I caution on various other pages on this site, nobody can know for sure what's true in any objective sense with regard to non-physical things, so all that I've been doing here is to put together the most helpful possible working model to explain a lot of observations of mine in way that's really helpful and has brought my own healing and self-actualization process forward in a way that was unable to happen if I accepted different scenarios that various people and traditions had put to me.

So, it needs to be understood that I'm not claiming any of my 'insights' as being 'truth' or 'fact'. They're simply speculative hypotheses that are based on a wealth of observations of mine, together with the results of my own inner inquiry to establish what interpretations would be most helpful for me to use in some sort of working model of what's been going on.

And now a bit especially for psychiatric workers…

I'm mindful that the occasional psychiatrist or other psychiatric worker would presumably happen along to this page and immediately have internal 'buttons' pushed and little He's got paranoid tendencies thoughts flashing up in his/her mind. Let me make it clear to such people now that I have no particular tendency to see anything as a conspiracy against me personally, nor, indeed, against people in general.*

There are certainly many people 'out there' who have seriously ungrounded perceptions and do have what could be called paranoid views of matters relating to themselves and the human race, such as scenarios concerning extra-terrestrials supposedly preparing to take us over or — quite a favourite — certain USA government agencies covertly using various psychic powers to control an increasing number of people worldwide. I don't accept such scenarios as fact (while still keeping an open mind on everything), and my own understanding is that they're all fictions that have originated from the same source as what had been giving me so much trouble — the garbage. I explain more about the latter's nature and agenda in The true nature of 'the forces of darkness' and its interference and attacks.

My understandings about the garbage having a ruthless and unremitting agenda of control and domination are based on actual observations that simply don't make sense without our postulating such an agenda*. I myself would be very happy to let go of any notion of the garbage carrying out some sinister agenda at all — if it would actually help. However, in practice it's been through taking on my deep and broad understanding of what the garbage is doing, that I've been able to address my own issue with it and come to understand many otherwise inexplicable things about people's behaviour in general, with insights that point to real means to change things for the better.

The objective fact is that from late 2003 some extremely troublesome influence disrupted my life with difficult and at times hellish-seeming experiences, in particular ways that fitted neatly into a pattern that's repeated, albeit also with individual variations, for a significant minority of the world's population, and I had various 'healers' and psychics repeating to me the same misinformation about me that I myself was channelling, and which was greatly contributing to my troubles — an extremely strong pointer to not only some external influence but one that's connected to many if not all people, and not restricted by geographical separation. Why keep denying that there's some troublesome external influence screwing things up for particular people, when so much clear evidence actually points to it?

You never solve a problem by running away from it for fear you might find 'something nasty in the woodshed'*. Indeed, if there really is something untoward in the woodshed, then the logical thing is to establish just what's untoward there, and work out means to rectify the situation. Sticking prejudicial labels on the poor old woodshed like 'paranoid schizophrenia' or 'schizotypal with paranoid tendencies' or 'Abandon hope all ye who enter' (as is invisibly inscribed over every doorway in at least the vast majority of psychiatric hospitals) may give you a certain smug satisfaction, but it ensures that you don't actually go looking into that woodshed to see what's really there and do anything truly effective about it. Yes, Diazepam, Haloperidol and Seroxal don't truly help woodsheds either!

How I nearly came to disaster

Assuming now that you've read the general information on the subject in the section on partial walk-ins in The true nature of 'the forces of darkness' and its interference and attacks, I shall now tell you about how, it appears, the partial walk-in phenomenon very nearly happened to me — an understanding that I gained in late 2007 as I was getting myself progressively more and more free of garbage interference. In fact it appears that the garbage's 'intention' to stage a partial walk-in on me appears to have been one of the primary reasons and purposes of all the major interferences and attacks from it that I experienced from 2003 onwards.

Let me emphasize that all talk of what the garbage was supposedly trying to do to me must necessarily be of a partially speculative nature. Really I'm talking about what looks very likely to be the case — not what's proved fact, nor what's any sort of held belief. The following, thus, is the speculative scenario that's pointed to by my direct observations combined with the results of my inner inquiry on the subject.

At the time of my birth the garbage would have detected about me an exceptional degree of 'freedom energy', that actually would correspond with that of what I call a no-soul person, and it had most likely also picked up an indication that for a no-soul person I'd be exceptionally resistant to any sort of garbage interference, and, because of the nature of the garbage's programming, it responded to that 'energy' of mine as a very significant threat to it, and so put in place measures to capture or destroy me — the overall primary 'aim' presumably being simply to disable me somehow so that I was no longer a threat, but a subsidiary more specific agenda being to seek to convert me into an actual garbage helper if that were reasonably possible to achieve.

So, to supposedly ensure that I was stopped and brought to heel (the garbage's 'heel' of course!), not that long after my birth the garbage sent me an exceptional load of parasitic 'lost' souls to attach to me and remain thus for the whole of my life. It looks as though these parasitic presences had been carefully chosen for their carrying an exceptional load of specific types of trauma, which could then be used both to control me particularly strongly and, if necessary, to use as an immense weapon upon me to ensure that my perceived likely resistance to normal levels of garbage interference and attacks would be broken down and I could then be 'processed' according to the garbage's agenda.

Actually, what could well have been attempts to get me to go 'out of body' sufficiently for a partial walk-in to take place began in my first few years of life, with severe night hells (aka night terrors). Not only did the garbage give me standard hell visuals and particularly strong attacks with emotional trauma feelings of terror and related emotions (thanks to the huge arsenal of emotional trauma energy stored in 'my' attached parasitic 'lost' souls and the primary archetypes to which I was connected), but it also gave me another type of intense terror experience repeatedly in a different level of my awareness, where I naturally tended to focus to try and escape from the hellish maelstrom of the standard hell experiences. I describe that in Night terrors and hell experiences — Understanding and clearing them. So the garbage was giving me a delectable type of 'double whammy'.

The 'aim' of all this looks as though it would have been to get me so terrified that enough of my awareness would go 'out of body' for the garbage to quickly sneak in that specially programmed 'lost' soul for the partial walk-in. But despite the immensity of those experiences my awareness still remained too grounded. Indeed, one of the signs of the unusual degree of groundedness of my awareness was that I was able to remember so much of the experiences (most affected children apparently completely block off their memory of the experiences, and it's only the parents who are aware in the waking state that something untoward has been going on).

Actually it looks quite possible that the garbage had been acting on the underlying 'assumption' that I'd lock those experiences out of my conscious awareness as happens for most people who have 'night terrors', so that I'd be carrying an inner 'booby trap' that it could exploit by opening it up later in my life and really freaking me then, as then I'd not have the faintest notion of what was going on. But its ability to do any such thing was scuppered by my knowing about my early childhood night hells and remembering bits of them — and, not only that, but actually having a definite intent to clear that issue (which I could feel lurking there in the background) such time as I found the means to do so.

So, in the event my awareness remained doggedly far too grounded to be running the garbage agenda — until in 1998, when I started being drawn in by the 'lure' of spiritual healing. Then, as recounted in My own self-actualization process or 'path' — Part 1, I unwittingly took on more and more garbage agenda in the garbage-sourced 'New Age' notions prevalent among 'healers' and so-called lightworkers, and my involvement in Reiki and having been attuned to its symbols, significantly increased my garbage connections and weakened my grounding. I was then given a considerable step 'forward' in my ungrounding and garbage-connecting process by the sacred geometry 'healing' wands that I started to accumulate and use extensively on myself in the second half of 2003.

My final 'undoing', in late 2003, was my starting seriously to channel. This enabled the garbage, posing as higher beings giving me 'guidance', to start working on me seriously, giving me a tremendously rough time to confuse, disorient and unground me more and more, very much as though it had an 'intention' (but, I think, based in programming and not a conscious intent) that it could eventually get me enough out-of-body to enable it to spring the partial walk-in upon me.

There were phases of intensive troubles and ordeals and some phases, particularly for the whole summer of 2004, when little more was happening than ongoing tricks and false scenarios in my channelling. However, during those 'quieter' times I was still progressively further weakening and ungrounding myself by use of the sacred geometry 'healing' wands and other 'healing' practices of mine, so presumably it was seen as best to hang on and let me do some of the garbage's dirty work for it, and then I'd be all the more taken aback and confused when it resumed its active torments.

My closest shave

My more recent inner inquiry results are strongly suggestive that the time that I became closest to that partial walk-in actually happening was in an attack crisis event in April 2004 — arguably the most dangerous of all the attacks I experienced, even though some attacks later on were technically more dangerous and indeed potentially lethal.

At that point the garbage was 'pulling out all its stops' because a particular 'healer' — Sue Sutton (henceforth abbreviated to SS) in Newton Abbot — had taken the trouble to write to me, telling me that 'angels' had told her that it wasn't higher beings putting all these severe attacks and reckless deceptions and tricks upon me (as I'd still thought up to that time — swallowing the 'Party line' that it was higher beings giving me important testing and training), but 'astral beings'.

It could well be that the garbage had then got some pointers that its time was running out for staging its 'coup', so it then manipulated me into having a 'healing' from that healer, supposedly to get rid of the 'astral beings' — the garbage actually working on the basis that the healing wouldn't achieve anything of the kind and, because of the way that SS worked in 'healings', would considerably further weaken my grounding.

And, about the same time, through attacking me with fear and worrying — almost terrified — and demoralizing pseudo-thoughts about the entities' continuing presence with me, the garbage manipulated me into asking Gordon Hughes (henceforth abbreviated to GH), the maker of my sacred geometry wands, to help.

Being unawarely directed by the garbage himself (indeed, he was a member of the cacoprotean network), he used upon me certain electronic devices (one of which was a modified Zapper, which I now understand to be seriously harmful), which he told me would clear out any kind of entities, astral or otherwise, and seal them out of my 'aura' ('energy system'). What those devices actually did was to considerably disrupt and weaken various aspects of my non-physical aspects, making me considerably more ungrounded and vulnerable to the garbage and its attacks and other interferences.

The attack then built up to such an extent that it seemed I really was being killed, with a desperately strong, menacing and nightmarish ache in my middle, and this was accompanied by menacing and demoralizing messages coming to me, telling me that it was Anlil (sic), King of the Underworld, here in my 'aura', and when I died (within a day or so) he'd take me captive and hold me there in the underworld. I felt totally isolated and abandoned to my fate with this problem.

Fortunately for me, although I had an overpowering feeling of being resigned and consigned to that particular fate, a deeper aspect of myself manifested, and, instead of going out-of-body in terror as the garbage appears to have been trying to achieve, with a deep inner conviction that there must be some positive solution to this situation, I telephoned the National Federation of Spiritual 'Healers' to try to find somebody who could help, and this led to my phoning a 'healer' in Evesham who, although his remote 'reading' was incorrect in some respects, gave me some very sound practical advice, enumerating some immediate measures that I could take to get myself grounded and out of the 'feedback loop' of fear.

That in fact worked brilliantly, and was my first real experience of the actually illusory quality of a supposedly fatal attack, and the way that even the severest attack could be stopped almost like the pricking of a bubble just by taking positive measures for grounding. A large part of a severe attack's virulence comes from a feedback loop of the particular trauma emotion energy, and getting one's awareness / attention much more grounded cuts off the feedback loop and thus the major 'substance' of the attack.

Although the garbage staged for me many further crisis level ordeals and attacks, which all in their different ways appeared to be overall, and to include, major attempts to get me sufficiently ungrounded, I'd learned vital things from my survival of and speedy self-recovery from that April 2004 crisis.

Even when it really seemed again that I was dying, as in the October and December 2004 big crises that got me hospitalized, that impression was little more than skin deep, for then I always simultaneously felt an underlying peacefulness and security — a deep trust that things would somehow work out fine for me, never mind how daunting it all looked superficially just 'now'. That also meant that my awareness retained a significant grounded component even while part of it was getting extremely ungrounded. That didn't augur well for any future attempts of the garbage to make me another of its puppets.

Long live Gilgamesh II — a new body for the King!

One particular story that the garbage (posing as guidance from a higher source) kept emphasizing to me and trying to get me hooked on was that I was destined very soon to become a sort of world leader — not in a political sense but as a sort of 'spiritual father figure' for an alleged soon-forthcoming fully enlightened human civilization here on Earth. It was constantly put to me that in a long past lifetime of mine I'd been the (purported) historical Babylonian king Gilgamesh, and I was presently going to start being known as Gilgamesh II.

This was actually complete lies, as I understand now, for it looks as though I'm a no-soul person and so, if that's correct, I'd not have had sequential, karmic past lives (which are specific to soul reincarnations), and it's very likely that Gilgamesh (as detailed in the famous legend, The Epic of Gilgamesh) never existed physically — at least, on Earth.

Part of this scenario was the alleged plan, that I, in this particular incarnation, was supposedly so important for the whole human race that it was necessary for me to live for at least 450 years, and for this purpose I was soon to be transferred into the body of a young man, who would have been first transferred into the body of a particular young woman, who would have first vacated her body voluntarily for this purpose.

Because I didn't then know the agendas of the garbage, I took all this at face value (a result of the by then poor grounding of my awareness — very dangerous!), but my particular saving grace was my lack of attachment to anything, thanks to already being enlightened, and also my being clear of any really held belief, and of course my having learnt from all the tricks played upon me by my 'guidance' (actually the garbage), that any story I was given — never mind how 'high' the apparent source of the story — could well be untrue.

My only 'want' was for what was genuinely for the greatest good of all concerned, and the strenuous attempts by the garbage to use a combination of the severe emotional issues of certain of 'my' attached 'lost' souls plus 'story' and trauma material generated from particular primary archetypes to which I was connected (apparently separation trauma relating to some male companion, distorted to make it feel as though I really had been Gilgamesh and was still longing to reunite with his 'companion' Enkidu) kept falling flat, because I was regarding all this as opportunities to use my non-attachment actually to give some measure of healing to all such traumas instead of being controlled by them as the garbage was trying to achieve.

Then, in September 2006 there came a variant of that scenario, after I'd been getting more and more distanced from and sceptical about it. In the new variant (recounted in One Really Weird Hike — 'Grand Design' or Outlandish Psychic Attack?), I wasn't going to be put in somebody else's body after all but was going to receive a 'miraculous' sort of healing via a purported energy template from the alleged historical Gilgamesh when he was 25 (this template supposedly having been created from the young Gilgamesh in the purported Akashic Records). My body was thus going to take on not only a delectably youthful biological age, but also was going take on almost all of the supposedly irresistibly attractive features of the young legendary king. Wow!

For that as well as the straight 'new body' scenario, there were certain times during my most severe ordeals when I was meekly following instructions from the garbage because my awareness had already got so poorly grounded, and I was directed through supposed attempts to leave my body in order to enter a new one that was purportedly ready for me — or in the case of the September 2006 big ordeals, trying to keep impossibly still (I guess an attempt to get me out of body by any other name) for the purported template 'healing' to be carried out.

In any event, each time, when things had proceeded to a particular point my deeper aspects would kick in and rebel, and I'd think This is just stupid!, feeling greatly relieved to let go of this silly nonsense, and immediately would be hectored and shouted at by the 'guiding' manifestation of the garbage, that I'd wrecked myself by keeping moving at crucial moments in the transformation.

At such times, although feeling just a little nervousness, I peacefully noted that actually I was still intact and apparently unchanged, and thought the story that I was being given was very unlikely to be true, and that I'd already survived so many claimed personal catastrophes brought about by these 'entities' (i.e., the garbage) that it was unlikely that anything worse was coming along now.

The last spectacular crisis

I got yet another variant of that scenario in a monumentally spectacular ordeal in February 2007, which to an outside observer able to see what I was going through then would have looked to be by far the most dangerous situation I'd ever been in — not just dangerous but absolutely lethal, in a pretty horrific way. I describe it in summary form in Psychiatry: my personal experience — Gaining fundamental insights (Part 2).

Yet actually I'd been more grounded during that one than any of the previous ordeals, actually not even feeling frightened, let alone terrified as the garbage must have been seeking to achieve (sure, I did feel just a little nervous at times!), and towards the end of that extended all-night ordeal I simply spontaneously rebelled and got up out of bed after I'd started getting directions to do something that flashed 'danger signals' in my mind.

That getting up was by no means straightforward because I was being given the impression of being eaten from the inside by demons to try to persuade me to lie down and go out of body! Nonetheless, at that point I decided that I'd get breakfast, demons or no demons, and then actually got breakfast (with the 'demons' impression speedily evaporating) and called the lovely Crisis Resolution Team people so I could have a few chats with them to get my awareness rebalanced.

It all worked almost like clockwork. I knew to a reasonable extent what was going on and what I needed to do to get back into balance. One thing that helped so much was that those Crisis Team people, already knowing me from previous 'entity' (i.e., garbage) crises of mine, knew that my need wasn't advice on my issue (which they'd have been totally unqualified to give) but simply a warm and supportive presence for me to talk with for a little (with an initial flood of tears of relief!).

From the viewpoint of much later hindsight, it looks very much as though the latter crisis event marked the springing on me of the final of the garbage's big and involved options for getting me to go out of body sufficiently for the partial walk-in to take place. It looks quite a bit as though the garbage had lined up a longish list of scenarios into which I was to be successively manipulated as far as possible, for the purpose of trying to achieve that supposedly all important partial walk-in, and so from the garbage's viewpoint the failure of not just its Plan A and Plan B but its Plan Xⁿ could be seen as a major calamity.

However, apparently there was a different sort of attempt to get that partial walk-in installed into my system, in the same period as the last-mentioned big crisis. That relates to Dalibor Zaviska, the 'lightworker' who was supposedly assisting me at that time in removing my supposed interfering entities. You can read about that in the section on hypnotherapy in Healing and self-actualization — The safest and quickest way. I seriously warn that anyone who uses hypnosis is an absolute menace, and for everyone's safety is best steered well clear of — never mind what credentials and 'client ratings' they appear to have, and never mind how 'brilliant' any of their other methods may be. There are always more effective, safe and completely self-empowering methods to address the issues for which certain therapists are using hypnosis.

As I say, looking back on all that now, although those last-related situations look superficially to have been bringing me the nearest to the garbage's achieving its aim of the partial walk-in, I was most likely actually safer then than in the April 2004 crisis, because I was actually taking it all a lot less seriously because I'd started learning that it was in a very important sense just a lot of hot air (or, to put it more bluntly, flatus).

Also, after my first hospitalization, in October 2004, I knew where to turn in order to get myself rebalanced and regrounded — and it wasn't to spiritual 'healers' at all that I turned (who would all have ungrounding effects), but, apparently bizarrely, to the local mental healthcare services — particularly the local psychiatric hospitals and especially the Crisis Resolution Team.

While these would be highly problematical options for most people, I had the clarity, and was articulate enough, to ensure that I got absolutely minimal harmful interference (treatment etc) and simply had around me supportive, well intentioned people who would greatly warm to my intent to rebalance myself just through having those people around me for a few days, and thus, without their having to do anything specific, they'd actually be tremendously supportive for my rebalancing / regrounding process just by means of their presence and friendly interactions with me.

No more psychiatry — Enter self-actualization!

The final spanner in the works of the garbage's apparent agenda for me came in May 2007, when I started taking up and developing a really effective healing and self-actualization methodology, about which I write in Philip Goddard's self-actualization methodology — Introduction and commend for widespread use in order to turn the tide among people in general in favour of widespread self-actualization and fully grounded enlightenment free from garbage-sourced interferences and constraints.

Can I or we be absolutely sure that I myself don't now have a covert partial walk-in that's mimicking my being free of such interference but which over time would control me in ways that would bring other people into further problems from the garbage (as some compulsive sceptics have rhetorically asked in an attempt to 'justify' their own negative if not wholly nihilistic outlook)?

No, of course we can never be sure of such a thing, whether it relates to me or to you or anyone else. Indeed, neither can I or anyone else be completely sure that I'm not a werewolf or some disguised monster from the Pleiadean star system who's come to round all you lot up and take you back there as slaves (and probably food too)! You yourself have no means of knowing for sure how many of your thoughts, feelings and other experiences within yourself are yours and how many are those of attached or partially walked-in entities, or have simply been given to you as 'pseudo-thoughts' directly by the garbage.

The chances are, you'd be horrified if you knew the truth about that. All we can sensibly do is be vigilant for signs of garbage interference — and, in particular, any tendencies, however subtle, to divert our attention and healing / self-actualization methodology away from the simple matter of tuning into and actualizing / harnessing our own deepest aspects in the present-time 'reality'. The moment we have a 'spiritual path' we have turned away from true self-actualization and are engaging with illusory realities so 'generously' supplied to us by the garbage to ensnare us and bring us (more) under its control.

At least on the face of it, it appears to be a promising sign that I'm being self-questioning and in particular am NOT denying the possibility of garbage influences upon myself, even in aspects of my life where it can appear that I'm fully 'garbage-free'. That way, theoretically at least, I'd be self-clearing or 'fail safe'. And the self-actualization methodology that I've developed doesn't require you to be aware of any particular 'entity' issue or garbage influence in order to be clearing it all simply by using the relevant methods.

There's one particular strong piece of evidence supporting the hypothesis that the partial walk-in option or 'plan' for me has failed, as follows. At the time of writing this the garbage has continued, albeit with dwindling effectiveness, trying to pull me down and turn me away from my self-actualization methods.

Although I don't know this for sure, my general understanding is that when a partial walk-in occurs for somebody, any obvious troubles that he may have been having with the garbage up to that time would stop, so helping to convince the person that things had suddenly got better, and helping to distract the person from questioning his sudden apparent personality change. It's thus a very good sign that I've not had an abrupt cessation of garbage interference, and that the garbage is clearly still strenuously trying to put pressure on me to turn away from my self-actualization direction, and indeed to stop making its pernicious ways public.

Indeed, the garbage was attacking me a lot apparently as a pathetic sort of retaliation / coercion while I was initially writing this material (i.e., the original, prior to subsequent revisions) — though it seems that my vulnerability to it was even then becoming very limited (at least, compared with how things were in 2003 to early 2007). The attacks nowadays, although feeling unpleasant, are very weak indeed, and generally insignificant, compared with what the garbage used to be able to put on me.

The assaults of hell (or night hell periphery) visuals that it was trying to give me quite often at night, right into some time in 2011, were almost always a very simple matter for me to rapidly terminate simply by defocusing from the maelstrom of a display so that I'd not see any of its details, and thus could let it run out of steam as I focused on my deep and secure happiness and drift off to sleep.

The same applies nowadays, except that, although I think the garbage would still be trying every night, the reality is that my actually noticing such visuals and thus having cause to dissolve them is now in itself a rare occurrence. I do, however, still occasionally notice its intrusive 'no' flashes in response to various thoughts of mine, albeit these being fewer and fainter than they were.

Now, if I'd actually received the partial walk-in, surely it would have been extremely counter-productive of the garbage to keep drawing my attention to its interference with me at all, for that would have been prompting me to seek methods to clear its interference, which could either directly compromise and eventually dislodge the walked-in soul, or, on the other hand, lead to my becoming aware of the partial walk-in issue and thus become strongly motivated to take measures to get rid of it.

What would have happened to me if the partial walk-in had occurred?

I've already explained in The true nature of 'the forces of darkness' and its interference and attacks what the general situation is for a person who's had a partial walk-in. There would be an abrupt apparent change of personality, though I think that how discernible this would be to outside observers would depend very much on the affected individual and how different was the walked-in 'lost' soul.

In my case it looks as though there would have been a very dramatic personality change — and therein is a pointer to the near certainty that even if the partial walk-in had succeeded early in my life it would have been a failure for any attempts by the garbage to make me any sort of useful garbage puppet, but on the other hand it would have got in the way of my becoming an effective promoter of true self-actualization and clearance of garbage influence (and indeed theoretically a weakener and indeed conceivably a potential threat to the very existence of the garbage).

The point here is that not only was my awareness so well grounded, but even in my earliest years I was exceptionally deeply self aware and even then within a gnat's whisker of enlightenment. As it was, I maintained my true self awareness to a remarkable extent with all the parasitic 'lost' souls attached to me, and if I'd also had that partial walk-in soul trying to be 'captain at the helm', that would have spelt a lot of trouble through inner conflicts and my unease (or more) at how I was being driven to conduct myself.

Very likely I'd have ended up as a long-term psychiatric patient diagnosed with some form of schizophrenia-related 'disorder'. Indeed, it looks to be the case that comparable, if not actually identical, situations account for a fair proportion of extant patients with such (absolutely useless) diagnoses.

During my ordeals from 2003 onwards there were plenty of signs that the garbage's 'intent' for me was, on the face of it, to turn me towards seriously 'dark' practices — Satanism, black magic or similar. This suggests that any 'lost' soul that it had programmed for me (i.e., for a partial walk-in) would very likely have been one that would have been trying to control me as some sort of teacher or leader, or at least powerful and probably charismatic practitioner, of such 'dark' stuff rather than what people would think of as being anything truly positive or beneficial.

However, that would have created maximum inner conflict for me because of my continuing deep self awareness, and so it would have made it almost certain that I'd have (most likely) ended up in psychiatric care (as already noted) or, possibly, would have managed to maintain sufficient clarity and strength of will to seek in the right places for help and to start using proper self-actualization practices (i.e., such as I did actually start using in 2007), which would progressively weaken the hold of the partial walk-in soul to the eventual point of its being dislodged and 'sent off'.

So, although on the face of it the situation looks as though the garbage was trying to make me into one of its puppets, I strongly suspect that any such plan was 'dead in the bud' right from the start, so any supposedly successful attempt to make me into such a puppet would actually not have achieved that end (i.e., as an active garbage helper) but would have converted me into a real hardcore 'psychiatric case' who would be out of harm's way in the sense of being disabled as an effective adversary of the garbage's agenda for all people. Generally speaking, people steer clear of anyone perceived as 'schizophrenic', and especially any such person who displays an interest in 'dark' practices!

The simultaneous alternative strategy — get me discredited anyway!

I assume that the ongoing gross interferences upon me from the garbage since 2003 were also serving another of its options (i.e., in the event of no partial walk-in occurring) — to disable me as an effective promoter of anything truly beneficial. To a certain extent it succeeded temporarily, but that's now tremendously backfiring upon it.

The point here is that by giving me all sorts of false information and effectively manipulating me into psychiatric hospital on four occasions, apparently for the purpose of getting me widely discredited and dismissed as any sort of 'healer' or teacher, what the garbage succeeded in doing was to give me masses of information about it and its modus operandi so that I could become a promoter of self-actualization and clearance of garbage influence at a level that would have been beyond the garbage's worst nightmares (sic).

However, in one respect the garbage has succeeded to a certain extent in limiting my effectiveness, probably for the rest of my life, as a promoter of self-actualization and clearance of garbage influence. That is, it's got me tarred with the brush of so-called 'mental illness'. The fact of my transient contacts with the mental healthcare services is bound to be seen by a fair proportion of people who themselves lack great depth of awareness or at least are themselves being interfered with by the garbage, as cause to dismiss me and my 'message' out of hand.

Indeed, some others — particularly ones who are themselves 'healers', teachers and 'lightworkers', being garbage led themselves and having their own personal status agendas, will undoubtedly seek to steer people away from me and my insights, using the stigma of 'mental health issues' or 'forces of darkness involvement'.

Indeed, the 'lightworker' GH did privately threaten to call the Police and use my record of mental illness against me if I so much as emailed him ever again, and more recently another who I'd thought of as much more reputable (Stephen Kane, of the energy egg people) produced an eye-wateringly dishonest character assassination dossier upon me, which was sent out privately to individuals who asked him for his views of me and my work — that dossier using out of context snippets from certain pages on this site strung together in a way that made me really look to be 'mentally disordered', and it was all centred around my having been in psychiatric hospital and having had a particular (and actually completely useless) psychiatric diagnosis.

Ironically, if either of these individuals had told a psychiatric doctor about their special perceptions, 'insights' and healing or 'lightwork' activities, they themselves would have been bound to receive exactly the same ('schizotype') diagnosis as I did (or indeed have outright 'schizophrenia' diagnosed, as they are locked into beliefs in a patently 'unreal' view of 'reality' in a way that I never was), so it was a real case of 'the pot calling the kettle black'.

There will no doubt be other such cases. People who are truly enlightened and moving in the self-actualization direction, free from garbage control — the true 'healers' and teachers — don't behave like that.

Later update — a healthier way to interpret all this

When I originally wrote all the above, there was still something lacking from my understanding of the true nature of the garbage and its 'agenda', and so it's necessary for me to add this here, notwithstanding my having edited the above to make it more consistent with my current view.

It wasn't long after I wrote all the above, that I added an extremely important section to The true nature of 'the forces of darkness' and its interference and attacks, in which I explain about what appears to me to be the true nature and very likely origin of the garbage and so-called astral entities (which, as far as I currently understand it, include all supposed non-physical beings — whether 'dark', 'light', 'divine', 'low' or 'high' — that aren't simply human consciousnesses or 'souls').

In a nutshell, the garbage looks to me not to be conscious beings at all, but a single malignant network of human minds (only a small part of each, a bit like the configuration of a botnet of hacked computers), which I've named the cacoprotean network, in a symbiotic and mutually controlling association with certain thought form complexes in the astral non-reality. It's self perpetuating like an organism, and is constantly seeking to add more human minds to it, and to take over, wreck or kill anyone who appears to be a potential threat to the network or its agenda of control and domination.

For this reason, all my previous talk of the garbage having a specific agenda or plan for me or indeed for anyone hadn't been all that helpful — except as an intermediate step in gaining a full understanding of what's been going on, and also being a useful figurative description to continue using for the benefit of the many people who would have difficulty understanding the true situation that I'm describing here.

The point is, because, in the working model that I'm now using, the garbage is almost the equivalent of naturally occurring computer malware or the 'minds' of ants, programmed to perpetuate the existence of their kind (or, more accurately, their genes), the garbage doesn't have a real aware consciousness that can have any concept of an agenda or plan, except in a mechanistic way. Yes, the network is using human mind power (including awareness), but it itself doesn't have anything more than the appearance of having a rudimentary sort of awareness of its own, just as a well programmed robot could.

So, according to this scenario, all the garbage has (and, indeed, is) is very complex programming, plus the covert use of a certain limited amount of human mind 'processing power', to maintain its own existence. The garbage thus has no ability to want nor wish for anything. It's purely blind programming, which by its very nature would recognise any particularly strong threats to its survival and adopt the strongest measures available to it (within the scope of the programming itself) to inactivate those threats or even convert them into helpers and reinforcers of this 'malware' in 'thought energy'.

The network can, however, use its active human members to identify specific threats and to focus particular actions against those threats. I've built up a quite 'illuminating' dossier of observations on the behaviour of GH, the 'lightworker' who made and supplied the sacred geometry wands that opened me so much to the garbage, which point well-nigh incontrovertibly to that individual himself most likely being a member of the cacoprotean network (presumably unawarely) and having been actively involved in seeking to bring about my death through certain types of potentially lethal psychic attack, particularly using certain of my sacred geometry wands.

So, as I see it now — and I've found use of this insight to be particularly weakening for my own garbage interference, and thus strengthening for me — there would never have been any grand very long-term plan for me at all, for only conscious beings could have such a grand plan.

It was simply that because the garbage would have been able to detect, around the time of my birth, that I was a particularly strong source of what I could usefully call here freedom 'vibes', it responded in a purely programmed way by targeting me unusually strongly to seek to make me captive or wreck me in one way or other, in order to maximize its own survival stakes.

Because the garbage has no aware consciousness, it couldn't possibly have had any sort of recognition that I was a no-soul incarnation, nor indeed that I was anything that you could label at all. It was all just blind, ant-like reaction to a perceived threat to its survival and an opportunity for it to possibly change that threat into a boost for its survival. Simple as that.

That would also go nicely to explain just why the garbage is so unremitting in its troublesome 'agenda' generally, and absolutely unscrupulous and lacking in any sense of value for truth (except as something to distort), and why there's no depth of depravity to which it wouldn't sink, in what it would do to people or get people doing to each other, as long as it suits the garbage's overall strategy of ensuring that people reinforce it rather than weaken it.

So, it would appear that the repeated attempts (both obvious and 'most likely') to get me loaded with a partial walk-in or serious spirit attachment were thus almost certainly not the result of some plan cooked up well before my birth for this specific individual, Philip Goddard, and then progressively thwarted by me, but simply a series of ongoing opportunistic responses to my 'energy' and particularly my independence, freedom and clarity of mind, which would be extremely harmful to the garbage's agenda (and thus provocative to the garbage).

This actually makes more sense of the various 'close encounters' that I've had with the real risk of getting 'nobbled', for it looks as though different risky situations could have loaded me with different problems — the only obvious common factor being the attempts to get my awareness as ungrounded as possible and get something loaded onto me to prevent me from being an effective threat to the garbage.

As it soon became apparent that I was too resistant to such attempts for them to work, Plan C (i.e., actually to kill me outright) was brought into operation and at various times it was running alongside the 'takeover' and the 'wrecking' strategies. Whichever 'got' me first would be the winner — but they all turned out to be losers!

Also, my observations of other people with partial walk-ins and powerful spirit attachments suggests to me that if the garbage fails to get a prospective partial walk-in to 'take' on a person (no doubt because the garbage couldn't get the person sufficiently out of body), then it may often get a similar lost soul (the same or a different one — I don't know if the same one would work for this) to attach to the person as a very strongly controlling 'spirit attachment'.

In 2011 my inner inquiry process added a pointer to a further detail in the scenario that I've been describing above. As I've no way of verifying this, at least at the moment, this needs to be seen as speculative, but the suggestion is that the partial walk-in is a major element of the mechanism of the cacoprotean network's control over its (unwitting) 'members'. In other words, if a person has no partial walk-in, (s)he couldn't have more than a very partial cacoprotean network connection at that time.

2023 update — Change of emphasis: death with everything!

Over the last couple of years My 'astral beings' — Now the scary bit: what I was really dealing with has been sharpened up as I went through that whole exposé with better focus, shorn of my previous timidity and fixation on being 'fair' to the individuals who I was supposedly so grievously impugning.

For the first time I put my focus squarely on a purely objective appraisal of all my observations and deductions therefrom, having recognised that because that was a completely objective piece of work, and supported by some crucial pieces of documentary evidence, I needed have no fear of any sort of legal comeback through my exposing those (named) individuals fully with regard to their dealings with me. Being fully objective, and hiding nothing, was clearly the only genuinely fair approach.

So, instead of just hinting at my findings, I now state 'full-frontal' that the two guys were apparently working together right from the beginning to kill — yes, murder — me, and I explain fully about that on that page. I'd managed to identify a whole series of potentially lethal psychic attack scenarios that had been set up for that purpose, and I have to say that all the signs were that every one of them was designed primarily to kill me, rather than achieve any other aim, and so the partial walk-in issue was, relatively speaking, rather an irrelevance in my case.

However, it's still true that most of those attacks, if a partial failure, could have left me with a partial walk-in or other mental crippling, and so could still have succeeded in the underlying aim, to stop me being any further threat to the garbage — but full extermination appears definitely to have been the primary aim.

Also, in 2022 I came to recognise that there was an underlying reason why the garbage / cacoprotean network would have been particularly purposefully seeking to inactivate / destroy me, right from about the time of my conception, for it would have been picking up exceptionally — even unprecedentedly — strong 'threat' signals all along from me. — However, deeper consciousness itself was aware of that and took a counter-measure at the time of my conception to strengthen me to maximize the chances of my surviving what it saw as very likely to befall me.

For an explanation of that, please see the final section in About Philip Goddard….

Also, all present-tense references to the garbage, cacoprotean network and the astral on this page need now to be understood as now being past-tense. — Please see Underlying causes of human dysfunction now in past tense….