My own self-actualization process or 'path' — Part 2

Out of the confusions progressively emerges clarity!

 

Momentum for real change at last begins to gather!

In a nutshell…

The final weeks of 2006 were marked by an extraordinary and completely unexpected 'bolt from the blue' ray of hope from a complete stranger in the USA. Could it really be true — a 'healer' / psychic who could remove my 'entities', offering his services free of charge? — But first let's look at the context of that big surprise, and then perhaps marvel somewhat at the weird contradictions that the particular individual displayed in his dealings with me — the dark, shady and even downright dangerous, and also flashes of real empowerment and a really meaningful strategy for bringing my self-actualization process into a whole new, more purposeful phase.

It required of me a particularly penetrating mental clarity and focus in order to sidestep the problems he was bringing with him, while picking up on the flashes of genuine insight and using those as prompts for a tentative beginning in putting together an altogether healthier and more soundly-based outlook on the whole show. Fortunately, progressively over the rest of that winter I was beginning to rise to that challenge…

Despite evident slow progress in getting stronger against the interference and attacks that I was still 'understanding' to be coming from 'astral beings', towards the end of 2006 I was still getting some degree of such attacks on virtually all days, these periodically rising to moderate or even quite strong intensity.

Also, the arthritis in my right knee — apparently precipitated by the crisis event in August to September of that year — meant that it was still difficult and a bit painful walking around town just for my regular shopping excursions, and it was bold of me even just to make myself have a short walk (mostly on the level) once a week from my flat in central Exeter, down by the Exeter Ship Canal to Double Locks and back — a bathetic total length of a princely four miles for my weekly walk (if I was lucky)!

Indeed, I assumed that my doctor's diagnosis of osteoarthritis, and prognosis that this was something that, most unfortunately, I was going to have to live with was correct, and that thus I'd have to adjust to the fact that my hiking days were over. This wasn't the average sort of doctor who would shrug his shoulders and say in an off-hand manner Well, that's just your age, and you'll have to live with it!.

This doctor was a youngish, empathetic and very caring one (indeed he felt to be very much like a personal friend), and he well knew the part that my hikes and general use of vigorous walking had been playing in my life — so I could really feel his own concern and sorrow at this happening for me. Indeed, his could well have been the greater sorrow, because at least I was adjusting as best I could to my situation, having an underlying confidence that I'd somehow find other ways to apply myself and improve my lot.

He prescribed for me a sumptuous stock of Ibuprofen and paracetamol, assuming I'd need them just to get by.

Nonetheless, that and the continuing attacks, and with the lack of any clear sign of a future direction for me yet, did make that winter of 2006/7 and whatever lay beyond it to have a certain superficial dark and gloomy prospect about it. The lack of hiking any more wasn't just a matter of letting go of an attachment of mine, but of my being without a key health-giving, grounding and balancing activity in my process of strengthening myself against the 'entities' (i.e., garbage) troubles. How the hell was I going to replace that in order not to fall back into unbalance, ungroundedness and increased vulnerability to all that nastiness again?

But then in late December 2006 an email out of the blue from a certain Dalibor Zaviska (henceforth abbreviated to DZ) — an apparently highly accomplished 'lightworker' and 'healer' in the USA — brought the beginning of a new focus into the proceedings. In a weird and convoluted way his contact resulted in the setting in motion of a chain of events that eventually led to my getting to work in an altogether new and purposeful way in progressively clearing my 'astral beings' (i.e., garbage) interference / attacks problem.

On the face of it, however, this particular contact was to prove to be one great big false dawn, indeed with a sinister aspect to it that I didn't know about (i.e., beyond certain rather vague nagging doubts about what was really going on) till I'd already been clear of DZ for quite some time.

A client of DZ's had pointed him to the (inevitably garbage distorted) 'spirituality'-oriented precursor of this website, in which I'd already put a lot of details about major disruptions I was getting from 'astral beings', and he was offering to me his services free of charge ("I'm doing this as a favour from one lightworker to another — the Universe will pay me!*") to assist me in clearing my 'entities' problem.

Wow! And, looking at his website and reading some information about his work that he sent me, it appeared that he must be one of the leading entity-removing 'healers' / 'lightworkers' on the planet! At last! What a combination of relief and measured excitement!* I say 'measured', because by that time I'd had so many false dawns with regard to clearance of my 'entity' troubles, and I could no longer be fully confident that anything would work. And in retrospect I suspect that I was also picking up from my own deepest aspects an intimation that these things couldn't really be 'sent off' in the way that such 'healers' believed they could achieve.

Having my entities taken away — Wow!

I had a number of weekly sessions on the telephone with DZ, in which he gave a running commentary about the considerable number of what he interpreted as demons and other entities — quite a menagerie of types — that he was supposedly removing from my system (i.e., remotely*).

This seemed most exciting at first, but there were various aspects of those sessions that gave me increasing doubts about the genuineness of what was going on, and indeed the basic safety of working with him, even though I have to assume he really believed those positive things were happening. Indeed I really had inner alarm bells ringing for me when he sought to take control over me through putting me into hypnotic trance — something that my deepest aspects clamoured against and prevented from happening.

And, later on, there was a method that he tried to teach me to do, called Universal Mind, which even then rang considerable alarm bells for me, and again my own deepest aspects wouldn't allow me to proceed with the visualizations that were involved, at least to any extent that would actually achieve anything (for better or worse! ).

It's worth saying just a little here about why those sessions were causing me more than a little pause for thought and wondering.

The work in the sessions didn't actually last all that long, but DZ would spend an hour or more delivering what seemed to be enthusiastic lectures to me, in which he seemed to be almost frenetically showing me how much he supposedly knew, while giving me little opportunity to say anything myself, and in particular to point out to him that I already knew / understood the majority of things he was going on about and he could spare his time and breath and either get on with the session or close it if it was already finished.

He gave me the strong impression that he was regarding me as a 'fresher' or novice student of his, rather than any sort of equal. In other words, this looked like a personal status / power trip of his. Also, I ended each of those sessions feeling really tired and drained — because actually in all that 'lecturing' at me he'd unawarely been sucking my 'energy'! That wasn't healing, of any kind, and indeed it was an indicator of a very significant problem of his!

One thing that forced me to recognise at an early stage that something was really untoward was DZ's bizarre assertion to me, during one of those lectures among which bits of supposed clearance work were interspersed, I'm at the Second Level of Enlightenment, and I'm sorry to have to tell you that you're not even enlightened yet!.

He went on to explain that I still had a lot of emotional issues to clear before I could become enlightened. This showed me that he must be considerably confused as to what true enlightenment was, and that made me rather doubtful as to whether he himself was enlightened at all as he was claiming, for it looked as though he'd learnt some hopelessly incorrect definition of what enlightenment was, no doubt from some esoteric 'spiritual' tradition in which he'd previously had some sort of training.

Still, because I was at that time somewhat desperate to get clear of these horrible interferences and attacks from the supposed entities (according to DZ, including actual demons), and indeed I was actually 'seeing' demons being removed from me (so I thought — though really even then I knew that what I was seeing was only stylized representations, which could thus easily be still further deceptions), I stuck with those sessions with DZ.

In retrospect, and with the facility of inner inquiry supported by Helpfulness Testing belatedly at hand, my assessment of the practices and procedures that he was trying to do with me or to get me doing myself was that they ranged from very unsafe to seriously harmful and downright dangerous, which could very well have caused me very major problems, so I'm thankful that I was sufficiently in touch with my deeper knowledge and awareness that I drew my own line firmly at the right times then.

Indeed, according to my current understanding, the already mentioned Universal Mind practice that he sought to get me doing stood a fair chance of making me myself a part of the postulated cacoprotean network and thus an unwitting part of the garbage — that is, if I'd got myself sufficiently ungrounded and off-guard for it to work 'properly'. But similarly, what he was seeking to get me into hypnotic trance for would very likely have had that result, if only I hadn't remained so cussedly grounded and suspicious of him!

In those telephone sessions with him he gave me a lot of convoluted 'story', which I nowadays recognise as being clearly from the garbage, relating to my so-called 'soul origin' and various things, including an alleged major 'soul trauma', that were supposed to have happened to me as a non-incarnated soul in the early stages of this Cosmos (I remind that I now understand that I'm a no-soul person, so all of that had to be rubbish designed to cause me problems — albeit the harmful intention being that of the influences manipulating DZ, rather than from him himself).

He also gave me a copy of his 'Multidimensional Model of the Cosmos', which was an exceptionally detailed adaptation of a sort of New-Agey model of the supposed dimensions into which 'reality' is claimed to be divided, with notes about the different types of beings and entities that were supposed to occupy those different levels.

My own 'guidance' — then supposedly my 'Divine Support Team', which DZ had guided me through getting set up, but really of course still just another illusory 'face' of the garbage — gave a general okay to DZ's model, but gave me various amendments, presumably to convince me that I myself had got it all just about right, and no doubt also to put me into a sort of rivalry with DZ.

At once my 'guidance' was starting to embroil me in more 'story' based on that model of the dimensions and an associated (and in a way rather convincing-sounding) explanation of how the 'dark side' (in this model, called the Dark Realm) supposedly formed.

Inevitably, then, through the deepening convolutions of all that 'story' involving me and a supposed higher purpose of mine to 'heal' the purported Dark Realm, I was led by the 'entities' (i.e., the garbage) into another crescendo of increasingly severe attacks, which culminated in a monumentally spectacular all-night ordeal on the night of Saturday 3rd February 2007*.

Clearly I was in much better shape then than in previous crisis events, because that was potentially by far the most taxing and dangerous ordeal sequence I'd ever been taken through. Yet I was naturally unflappable throughout and remained proactively peaceful observer of all that I was taken through, even though at one point the attack with fear-related emotion energy was at such intensity that it felt as though my body would break apart if the attack got any more intense.

The purported 'me being raped by demons' tableau, when it eventually came, just aroused in me a mild curiosity and surprise at that complete anticlimax, in which nothing clearly identifiable seemed to happen within that confused jumble of vague images — and the associated attack feelings, although unpleasant, were relatively subdued by then.

Also, I remain pretty impressed (and joyfully amused!), even in far retrospect, at the way that, when I was getting increasing pressure to do something that I sensed was actually dangerous, and I was also aware that it was well past my normal getting-up time, I finally 'drew the line' ("Enough's enough, you've had your chance, and now sod the lot of you!") and wrenched myself out of all that, disregarded all the further menacing 'story' that was being given me, forced myself to leave my bedroom and get breakfast, and then called the Crisis Resolution Team so I could get talking with some supportive people to get my awareness better grounded and balanced again, and so puncture the crisis 'bubble'.

That was signs of exceptional emotional stability and 'togetherness' of mine, and not at all signs of a 'mentally ill' or 'mentally unstable' person, as various people (who one would have thought would know MUCH better) have come to regard me simply on the basis that I'd had disruptions from the garbage and had had a few brief 'psychiatric' hospitalizations as a result to help me get my awareness regrounded.

All this was increasingly making me wonder how much longer it was going to take to clear out all my 'entities', for it was evident that they still had considerable ability to interfere and attack, and although I did supposedly 'send off' what was supposed to be the primary 'entity' that had taken me through the aforementioned 'spectacular' (by means of asking my 'Divine Support Team' to 'see it off' — hahaha!), I was feeling that something wasn't adding up in the descriptions of the supposed higher (non-physical) realities involved and the various beings and entities they supposedly contained — and I didn't see really how I could be sure that I'd not get more of those coming in.

Indeed, this latter point was an increasing worry for me, for it seemed to be a really intimidating situation. According to DZ's scenario of 'higher dimensions', there were some 'dark' beings even lurking in supposedly 'high' dimensions, so even if you were meticulously and even accurately (!?) connecting only with supposed higher beings, you could still be caught by 'dark' beings.

Indeed, in that scenario also supposedly 'high' beings such as angels could themselves become contaminated by 'dark' beings lurking in their high dimension and thus rendered unsuitable to connect with. I wasn't liking this at all! However, one great saving grace about all this was that it simply didn't make sense, so it was giving me still more motivation to make the great life- and sanity-saving change-of-tack that was actually just a month or two round the corner.

As I now understand, nothing of significance had left me in the first place during all the supposed sendings-off*, and the only difference now was that I was really beginning to get stronger and noticeably less vulnerable to the garbage — although I still had a very long way to go before getting anything close to immune to it.

Also, I can report, as a result of my retrospective inner inquiry, that the 'rose' technique for emotional clearance, which DZ gave me and I was using quite a bit for a time, was at least largely bogus — though I don't suppose for a moment that he realized that. It did represent for me, however, a tiny rudiment of my developing motivation for gaining self-empowerment through focusing of one's deepest-sourced positive / healing intent — which indeed is a fundamental aspect of my current methodology.

The method consisted of a visualization of a rose flower with petals made of a high 'divine' 'consciousness energy', and, within that visualization, one's directing a stream of mucky dark-looking 'energy' from oneself, and especially from any 'chakra' where one felt discomfort, into that 'rose', which supposedly transformed those 'energies'.

As far as I can ascertain in retrospect, what was really happening for me when I used that method was that the garbage would rapidly reduce or cease a particular attack (temporarily) to make it appear that the 'rose' technique was working brilliantly. Such is the troublesome deceit of the garbage in order to get people wasting their time and energy on ineffective healing methods.

The 'entities' (which I nowadays of course recognise as garbage-created illusory phenomena), were still with me at the end of the course of sessions with DZ, but he was then claiming that all the genuine entities had been removed, and I just had 'IEIs' ('internal energetic interferences') also called 'self-created entities' or 'self-made demons', a phenomenon that a fair number of 'healers' and 'lightworkers' believe accounts for people experiencing 'entities' when the 'healer' / 'lightworker' doesn't perceive any himself in or around the client. Even at the time that didn't ring true with me.

DZ presumably genuinely believed what he told me, but my general picture built up more recently is that such people as him are being hoodwinked by the garbage, and being fooled into thinking they're removing entities from their clients when really the garbage is just showing them illusions given to them by their particular 'guidance' (the latter being a 'Divine Support Team' in the case of DZ).

And then of course their 'guidance' fools them again to explain why the client still seems to be experiencing 'entities' — by telling the 'healer' / 'lightworker' that real entities were removed, and all that's left is 'self-created entities', which were not the healer's concern and maybe would dissolve over time if appropriate healing methods were used.

And of course, DZ's claim that my continuing 'entities' problem was just 'self-created' entities was part of the same rubbish, which presumably he must dish out to most of his clients. He hadn't really removed anything of significance (although presumably he was unaware that that was the case), yet still took his sessions with me to be another success story of his.

It's through that sort of defensive covering-up that therapists and 'healers' like DZ persist in claiming (and presumably actually believing) that they have a very high success rate and no serious problems in their client work.

Whatever problems a client experiences during or following on from a session are just something to do with the client, and the session is still added to the therapist's track record of purported successes. — Caveat emptor, as they say!

Now the really positive side of it all…

However, despite that apparent 'false dawn' and all the sinister aspects, there were important and indeed truly fundamental respects in which I did gain from my contact with DZ. Really it had not at all been a false dawn, but rather, it had been a vital, albeit tentative and confusing, very early stage of a real dawn!

From him I gained a whole new focus on the possibility of finding real means to resolve this troublesome issue, and this was helped by two things that were genuine self-empowerment methods.

DZ introduced me to using declarations of intent (DOIs), for taking one's self-healing and 'entities' clearance forward supposedly very powerfully — and the use of these was something you do yourself and so without the problems of people actually with their own serious problems seeking to remove entities from one and very likely actually compounding the problem by unawarely implanting harmful 'energy' configurations or even 'entities' of some kind.

Unfortunately those DOIs were of limited effectiveness because they were hopelessly incorrectly formulated, being NOT genuine DOIs at all but effectively prayers and supplications to supposed divine beings to assist one in bringing about one's healing and clearance intents, whereas they needed to be real declarations of intent (with no prayer, supplication nor 'thank you', nor indeed any external agency in sight at all), which referred only to your own deepest aspects as the bringer-about of the intended positive changes.

At least DZ's DOIs were my introduction to that method of working, and this eventually led to my creating my own much more effective ones, which are now a standard part of my healing and self-actualization 'armoury'.

I can tell you, I felt to be quite a Charlie, regularly reading out aloud the full set of 'EEI clearance' DOIs of DZ's, and wondering what my immediate neighbours would be thinking if they actually heard the words I was reading out, with all the verbal grovelling to all those purported higher beings — BUT at least I was enthusiastic over having some semblance of at last using some sort of apparently purposeful entity-clearance methodology — a big step forward from my blindfolded gropings about in the previous years of my gross garbage interferences and attacks.

Also, my retrospective inner inquiry results point to the two little 'energy' devices that he sent me to use (free of charge) as having had distinctly positive effects in my 'energy' configuration — those effects assisting my life situation in moving swiftly towards really beginning to resolve my pressing issue.

I think they'd have been produced in a rather similar manner to the Energy Egg family of devices, and worked in a fairly similar manner, though with significant differences too, with much less emphasis on environmental stress protection / immunization but in other respects having a much broader healing functionality, with particular emphasis on facilitating the manifestation of one's self-healing intent formulated through formal declarations of intent.

 

My general intuition is that, although these two devices were not producing obviously dramatic changes for me, it was these rather than either the DOIs or anything that DZ did for me directly, that were bringing about a gentle but progressive strengthening of my whole system in ways that were making me gradually less vulnerable, at least to the worst that the garbage interferences could do to me, and were assisting in (albeit apparently gradually) manifesting the long awaited road to a much faster clearance and self-actualization process.

I'd set such an intent by use of the appropriate DOIs — though it would have been so much more effective if only DZ's format for DOIs, which I'd been using, hadn't been so incredibly naff — so supplicational, grovelling and asking actually fictitious external sources for assistance instead of expressing one's clear intent both from and to deep within oneself.

If it was just coincidence, it was at least a somewhat freaky coincidence that, about three months after my getting the Light-Sphere and starting to use the DOIs, I had somebody email me to put me in touch with some writings that caused me to drop all the channelling and Divine Support Team rubbish on the spot, and simultaneously to be pointing myself towards the particular 'energy awareness' workshop with the Energy Egg people that was to come little more than a month later and turn out to be the biggest breakthrough point of all in my clearance process. — Of which more further below.

There were some other small but significant ways that I gained from my encounter with DZ. For one thing, he introduced me to the notion that the so-called 'ascended masters' were bogus, and were, according to him, nothing other than 'dark' entities of some kind pretending to be 'pure' higher beings.

Although I'd already read something to that effect on some website not long before, I hadn't fully engaged with the notion at that time, so DZ's introduction to that idea woke me up more to it, and I intuitively thought that he could well be right over that. After all, all my own experiences of what were purporting to be ascended masters showed them up clearly as a lot of rubbish.

That was a very worthwhile first step towards the great liberation that was soon to come, when I was to recognise ALL 'higher' beings, and indeed all directly discernible non-physical beings (i.e.,'high' or 'low', 'light' or 'dark'), as simply illusions that our 'minds' create under hijack-control from the garbage.

Another new and really valuable understanding that I gained from DZ, never having thought about it before, was the recognising of ALL vows, of any kind, in any context, as actually seriously harmful and not helpful in the slightest, being self-made curses upon oneself, actually seeking to restrict one's future free choice on the basis of one's actually limited relevant awareness at the present time.

Also, quite late in my dealings with him, in remote 'readings' over the telephone, he told me that my sacred geometry 'healing' wands all in their different ways had problematical 'energy'. He wasn't going so far as to say they were seriously harmful, and presumably believed that they did have some healing value, but he warned that their energy tended to have a jagged and somewhat disruptive quality, and that I needed to be more minimal in my use of them.

Although at the time I was suspicious that he was just getting into a bit of rivalry against GH who so 'kindly' made and supplied those wands, even then it felt to be something of a relief that he was noticing something untoward about those wands, for no doubt my deeper aspects had been all along still seeking to warn me about their very serious harmfulness.

Thus from then on I stopped using certain of those wands (the ones that DZ said were more troublesome for me), and just used the one that he, with his 'Divine Support Team' guidance, said was better for me at that time — and, in line with his recommendation, I used it more sparingly than I'd tended to before. I was thus well prepared for coming to the understanding that I have nowadays, of the extremely seriously harmful nature of those wands, and the real need at that time to discard them all.

— And finally, in more general terms, he, as well as the Energy Egg people, had serendipitously helped me increasingly embrace the notion that not only was there a real solution somewhere out there, but also that it would lie outside all the established traditions, belief systems and 'received wisdoms'. I was becoming increasingly aware of how I seemed to be moving forward by means of holding all supposed solutions up to proper, rational, scrutiny and doing things my own way rather than anyone else's, based on my own rational assessment of the needs of each moment.

Also, the various prompts and, shall we say, the scattering of figurative newly germinating seeds I'd picked up from him enabled me to remain much more circumspect than otherwise about what the Energy Egg people were offering, and to be much more ready to pioneer my own way. Although I turned out to be able to adapt their methods to start myself off in my own direction (of which, much more further below), it was DZ's prompts that, despite all the problematical stuff, were relatively deeply rooted in self-empowerment.

By contrast, it became ever more evident that the Energy Egg people's underlying thread was, as astute business people, simply for them to have a large base of gullible customers who would forever buy more and more of their 'selling a dream' products and services — thus remaining dependent on them and somehow never getting into a genuine self-actualization process as I'd understand that term.

The End of the (DZ) Affair

As you're about to read further below, things really started taking off for me from April and especially May 2007, and my correspondence with DZ gradually almost petered out over the spring and summer of that year.

He was seeking to sound accepting of and interested in the new outlook and new methods that I'd taken up, yet I could sense a certain patronization and a grudgingness about that too — a certain feel of Oh well, if you really think that's helping you — but you really are turning away from the best way to go about it…. Anyway, on the surface he sounded sort-of positive about my really great developments, but clearly seeing it as a progressive parting of the ways rather than indicating any better way for him himself to be pointing.

However, a likely different angle on the situation is pointed to by various observations of mine during my dealings with him, and is supported and expanded through my use of retrospective inner inquiry to a particularly deeply searching level. For starters, I give a retrospective view of him at the time of my telephone sessions with him, and then will pick up this thread at the end of this section.

DZ had a personal status 'thing' about 'enlightenment', and prided himself on his (actually spurious) entity removal ability (i.e., as spurious as that of anyone else who reckons they can remove 'entities' from people). He had sort-of crossed the enlightenment threshold himself, but it was a vague and tenuous enlightenment because he was actually a soul incarnation (albeit his first incarnation from that soul) and thus he had a small amount of garbage programming that had 'capped' his deepest levels of awareness.

So, for practical purposes, his primary 'enlightenment' experience was 'pseudo-enlightenment', in which he was experiencing primarily his soul (with all its confusions) rather than the fully non-dual fundamental consciousness as his supposedly deepest level of consciousness, with only a hint of the real thing filtering through the 'cap' that his soul programming represented.

Indeed, because of the latter situation it was a very remarkable achievement to have reached even a 'technical' enlightenment at all.

He'd achieved it at all only through intensive esoteric practices in one or more organisations that loaded him with a belief system that incorporated a lot of personal status garbage relating to 'enlightenment', including the notion that we each, once basically enlightened, progress through a series of successively higher 'levels' of 'enlightenment' (in other words, gained spiritual 'Brownie points') till eventually we become 'fully enlightened' and then 'ascend', immediately leaving the physical world.

He'd thus taken on the widespread confusion between enlightenment and self-realization / self-actualization, for enlightenment itself has no 'levels' or 'stages'; you simply have it or you don't have it.

He'd picked up from somewhere the belief (no doubt reinforced by his 'Divine Support Team') that he wasn't just enlightened but had progressed to the kudos-worthy 'Second Level of Enlightenment'.

As already noted, even on the telephone he told me I'm at the Second Level of Enlightenment, and, I'm sorry to have to tell you but you're not even enlightened yet — and went on to make out that the emotional issues that I was still carrying (actually not mine at all but those of the parasitic lost souls attached to me), plus the immense emotional cesspit that the primary archetypes connected to me represented, which his 'Divine Support Team' (which of course was effectively the garbage) never mentioned nor showed to him, were an obstacle to my enlightenment.

That in turn demonstrated to me for one thing even then that he didn't properly understand what enlightenment was.

When he first became aware of me and my situation (at the end of 2006), in a sort of way he'd been genuinely wanting to help me (though not understanding the sort of motivation that tends to underlie such desires to 'help' people), but when he read my account of my crossing the enlightenment threshold he was thrown into confusion, because he couldn't understand what I was going on about in that account.

The point is that he himself had understood from his particular esoteric tradition that enlightenment was defined primarily by one's having a whole range of psychic or 'higher' perceptions and psychic and meditation skills, and here was this oaf of a man who was openly saying that he'd become enlightened without ever having formally meditated in his life, and, seeing that this same oaf was showing no signs of anything much of those esoteric skills, he must be quite rudimentary even as a healer!

Thus, as I understand it now from DZ's own deepest aspects, he was thrown into confusion by that web page of mine, as to whether he himself was really enlightened (for his own deepest aspects would have been quietly giving him signals to the effect of Yes, that's it! If you pay attention to what he says there you'll get back on the rails!).

Because of an intense personal status issue of his, he was frightened that he himself might not really be enlightened and might be seen as some sort of sham, and thus he had a covert frightened hostility towards me, for he feared that I might show up his true situation.

Hence his trying to convince me that I myself wasn't enlightened and that he was 'way above' me, and his being so keen to give me telephone 'entity clearance' sessions during which he could attempt to 'show me who's the real master here', and could exert power over me in trying to use hypnosis and other harmful psychic procedures on me.

In December 2007, DZ sent me a friendly and actually surprisingly positive-sounding email in response to my website updates newsletter email, telling me he'd read a fair bit on my website recently then (i.e., with my much revised outlook on the part the garbage was playing in all the manifestations of supposed higher beings and higher realities and all that), and was finding a lot to give him food for constructive thought.

All sounding very positive — though I couldn't help picking up a certain tone of patronization in that. He went on to assure me that he was still sure that he was clear of entity or other untoward interferences, and so he had no problems of that sort.

I took this as my cue, for I saw this as a cry for assistance, from none other than his own deepest aspects. I thus wrote to him a carefully expressed and reasoned explanation of the masses of evidence I'd accumulated that all pointed to his having significant interference, deception and control by the garbage, and I made a few suggestions as to methods he could use to start addressing his actually quite dire situation.

His response was a patronizing, 'courteously abusive' sneering email replete with sarcastic jibes, inconsistencies and a total unwillingness to examine his own situation more deeply. He twisted around various things in my email to use them as debating points against me — the sort of thing only a manipulative person in defence of the indefensible would do.

Indeed, the whole message was one of seeking to score debating points rather than speak from any real truth of his. Additionally he indicated that he wanted nothing further to do with me (that was fine by me) and even — playing 'little dictator' — asked me to remove from this site all links to his site (something I most certainly wouldn't do on the basis of his request, as it's my decision and not his as to what links I have on this site).

He even suggested I quite likely had energy implants that were causing me to see 'astral' (i.e., garbage) influence in everyone. All just clutching at straws, so that he could feel that I was somehow 'broken' and not worth paying any attention to, and that he had no cause to scrutinize himself and the nature of his supposed 'higher' perceptions more deeply.

And that was the last I heard from him.

Let's now pick up the previously mentioned 'alternative angle' thread on that situation.

Unlike GH (of the sacred geometry wands), DZ had only a very small amount of soul programming, and, were it not for his direct interferences from the garbage and particularly a very strongly controlling spirit attachment or partial walk-in, he'd undoubtedly have sought to collaborate with me on healing and self-actualization projects, for he did actually recognise me as somebody whose ideas were potentially important.

That's not pure conjecture, because he did initially appear to be aiming for such collaborations between the two of us, and on occasions we did have discussions on certain issues virtually as equals.

However, that quickly got demoted into my just doing English checking and other editorial work on his writings (Czech being his native language), and he increasingly stalled at my mentioning again certain other collaboration possibilities that he'd initially sounded to be keen about. He clearly intended to remain the 'boss' and the 'teacher' (i.e., rather than genuine co-worker) in all material respects in the case of any future mutual involvement.

The signs had been quite consistently pointing to his being in a state of considerable ambivalence towards me, because despite his interferences constantly seeking to set him against me and my particular direction, he had little enough soul programming that he really was also wanting to keep in touch with me and to benefit from my own discoveries, which he did see as potentially having importance for him.

This is also suggested by his seemingly positive email in December 2007, and, close to that time, his actually wanting me to teach him 'energy testing' (the original, misleading, name for what I much later chose to call Helpfulness Testing). It was virtually inevitable that I'd have felt a patronizing tone about that message, but that in itself doesn't mean that he wasn't doing his best to be genuine at that point.

Thus his 'courteously abusive' response to my very challenging email then is unlikely to have given a fair picture of where he was really at, with regard to me. I'd rather freaked him at that time by challenging him over what he was particularly defensive about, but there's a distinct likelihood (which I've no means to verify, however) that he was subsequently still periodically monitoring this site to see what he could learn from me and my own progress in clearing my 'entities' problem.

An intriguing more recent development was the disappearance of his website* and indeed apparently there being no further references to him on the Web, for a period that has now got looking significant. I don't know just when his website disappeared, but I think it must have been very early in 2010 or even sometime in 2009 — very likely something like a year before my writing this here (though most of the annotations here are still more recent).

While various causes are possible, such as something untoward having happened to him, one apparent distinct possibility would be that he'd read and understood enough on this website to cause him to realize that he had a serious problem and was passing problems on to other people in his therapy sessions.

Also, if he'd thus been influenced by material on this site, he'd very likely have been in some degree of turmoil of doubt over the New-Agey belief system upon which he'd been basing so much of his activities. That could then have resulted in him discontinuing his therapy practice and withdrawing his website until such time as he'd sorted himself out to some extent and had worked out what the hell to do about his situation — in particular, what new direction to point himself in.

— Or again, it might be not so much any healthy self-scrutiny on his part but rather, his being aware that unless he set up business under another name / identity, his reputation and business would be blighted by the information given here, which, through being objective recounting of actual experiences, couldn't render me subject to litigation for supposed defamation. Maybe he's even set up a new business under a completely different identity by now!

Because of the pressure from his garbage interference all the time to posture at me, it would have been very difficult for him actually to get in touch with me again, even if he were really wanting to. And as he'd broken off from me somewhat abusively and with a statement that he wanted nothing further to do with me, it's not really in order for me to write to him to find out what's been going on.

In one particular respect that appeared at the time to be a pity, because, if he'd happened to be actually in the process of getting clear of his own particular issues that I identified as being a problem, it would have been a very positive move for him and me to set up a collaboration on the Light-Sphere / Energy Stone project, both making those devices more readily available and working to improve upon them.

Even as they are, they were actually the best healing and self-actualization aids that I'd become aware of (i.e., if they were actively used in the right ways), more particularly when used with much more effective declarations of intent (and affirmations) than DZ ever formulated.

Such a collaboration would virtually inevitably have led on to an actualization of what became my proper working version of the Clarity-Sphere concept, perhaps significantly earlier than actually happened — and indeed possibly in some way or other an improvement on what I managed to come up with on my own.

2019 update — A bit more understanding…

My own new and necessarily somewhat speculative inner inquiry on the matter of DZ's website's disappearance and his continuing minimal online presence (under his real name), after notionally connecting with him through his portrait on FaceBook, is as follows…

Apparently he had indeed been quite shaken up at some early point on discovering what I'd written on this site about him and his methods and dealings with me, and my reports of untoward experiences and effects from his therapy sessions for two ex-clients of his.

Not altogether surprisingly, then, after some inner conflict over that he'd chosen to back out of being any sort of healer, practitioner or 'spiritual teacher' at all, in order to distance himself from problems that might arise from not only me but other clients he'd had or might have in the future, which might lead to his getting incriminated by the Authorities for some serious harm he'd unwittingly caused them.

So, according to my indication, he's doing other things now to get his living — not that difficult for him as he had other strings on his bow from earlier in his life, and indeed was a very versatile individual altogether.

Also, his whole approach to his 'healing' / therapy work had been very much a 'business' one — monetizing everything he had to offer, and indeed, as already noted, he'd been quite scornful of my making my own original writings and methods freely available on the precursor of this site, and had been urging me to set up a pay-wall.

So, I guess he'd have had little difficulty in building up a new business based on other abilities / experience of his, with any 'healing' or therapy work that he might do being restricted to low-profile local work without any national or global exposure.

I have no clear indication, however, that he actually got using my methods or indeed using any effective means at all to clear his garbage / partial walk-in / cacoprotean network membership issues, so, assuming that he hadn't, it would be just as well for everyone involved (very much including himself) if he kept right out of any sort of 'healing' or therapy work, even on an informal, local level.

Signs of a physical improvement!

Now, back to my own further developments…

Despite the gloomy prognosis for my hiking or indeed walking much at all, and my assuming that that was correct and I'd just have to adjust to a more restricted and less healthy mode of living, a gentle inner motivation was constantly nudging me into more of a try-and-see sort of approach. I started actually sometimes having a second of those 4-mile easy walks in a week, and then tentatively on the odd occasion extended that to the Countess Wear Swing Bridge over the canal (and back), so making it 5 miles.

I was starting to get a definite inner feeling of inevitability that soon I'd actually walk the whole 8 miles down that way to Starcross — and, in early March it actually happened! Wow! Uncomfortable by the end, yes, but not that much, and clearly some degree of recovery was occurring, even if only temporary.

Then at the next opportunity I ventured on a real hiking outing again — albeit with considerable trepidation despite this being a very short hike on the rugged coastline from Boscastle to Tintagel (only some 5 miles or so but quite strenuous, with some steep and rough ground), hitch-hiking out and back (thus incurring a few more miles in road walking). Again, some discomfort developed, but no great problem.

And so the limit was steadily pushed back till it appeared that a hiking day total of about 10 to 12 miles (including road walking in hitch-hikes) was most likely my safe limit, regardless of the roughness and indeed strenuousness of the terrain — provided I took it a bit gently. It was thus not fully back to the 'good old days', but at least quite healthy and immeasurably better than having no such outings at all.

I can't say how much the Light-Sphere was involved in that improvement, for there was also the Energy Egg and Guardian Angel, apparently progressively retrospectively clearing harmful effects from the 'entities' and other environmental stresses.

I was also mindful that that particular arthritis seemed to have been precipitated by the very major attack crisis back in August to September the previous year — so it was quite conceivable that these devices were all assisting the arthritic knee through facilitating a gradual healing of the damage in my 'energy system' caused by that crisis event.

As I was to find out much later, that appeared to be very much what was happening, BUT there was another major element of that situation, about which I was to have no inkling till late 2008.

One facilitating factor in that early part of the recovery could very well have been the enhanced DOI for physical healing that I'd periodically used in those first few months of 2007.

It was based on DZ's highly flawed venture at that, and still contained the absolutely crazy and (to put it politely) unhelpful supplication and grovelling to purported higher presences, but apart from that, it was a quite strong declaration of intent for an extremely comprehensive physical healing, even though I didn't include in it any specifics about healing that arthritis or that particular knee.

That would undoubtedly have helped focus the Light-Sphere's functioning to facilitate particular physical recoveries that could occur at that time — particularly as, although the DOI itself didn't mention the arthritis or the knee, that was still very much in my mind at that time as being a quite pressing healing need.

Letting go of all channelled information

In early April 2007 somebody emailed me out of the blue asking me how he might reconcile the writings of Steve Gamble* with my own on this website** — both of which he said he much respected. I read some of Gamble's writings and was brought up with a jolt, for, although they were problematical and showing that Gamble himself appeared to have a quite serious issue with his own garbage interferences distorting his outlook, those writings had faced me with a number of matters that had been niggling at the back of my mind.

The resultant change of outlook of mine is described in Channelling and clairvoyance problems — The safe alternative.

So, without concerning myself about whether anything in particular in Gamble's writings was correct, I chose at once to let go of all dowsing and channelling and all 'information' gained therefrom, and then set about removing from this site all channelled or channelling-based information except where I wanted to use bits of it to show what confusions the garbage had caused me through all the channelling.

That also meant that I let go of all 'spiritual realities', including alleged past lives of mine or anyone else's, and even the 'fact' of reincarnation, because these could never be verified and alternative explanations couldn't be ruled out, and all such information was liable to be distorted or even fully invented by the (supposed) interfering entities and would encourage us to believe in illusory scenarios that would actually obstruct our progress to full self-actualization and full freedom from 'dark' interference and influences.

My aim wasn't actually to dismiss reincarnation and past lives of my own, for I had no means of knowing that I hadn't had previous lifetimes. I was just letting go of all views on what was actually unknowable in any objective sense and concentrating on living life in the present.

As for the matter of recognising ALL supposed higher beings as creations of an underlying troublesome non-physical influence, this marked one of my key turnaround points in getting clear of garbage interference.

Previously, whenever I'd resolved not to channel, I'd still assumed that there was a genuine 'higher source' that I'd been attempting to channel from, and I was just getting interference from 'lower' beings, and all I needed to do was to get rid of those interfering entities and I'd be able to channel properly. So, I'd kept reverting to channelling again, because I was ever hoping that I'd be getting less and less interference and thus better and better channelling.

What I'd now come to understand at last was that channelling was intrinsically a 'dark'-sourced and operated phenomenon, and so the name of the game was to keep completely out of that and not to work from or with anything non-physical apart from my own deepest aspects — and never to treat any part of my consciousness at all as though it were an external being or anything at all separate from myself.

So, no 'higher consciousness' nor 'higher self'. Also, no 'inner child', though fortunately I always recognised that latter notion as being perniciously harmful rubbish — not that people actually channel from the purported 'inner child' anyway; they just misdirect their 'healing' attempts to their nonexistent 'inner child', for whatever good that does them!

That was a great liberation for me, for I now realized I didn't have to worry about how soon I'd at last be able to channel without interference, and could apply my time and awareness to other, much healthier things. Also, I realized that, because from then on I wasn't heeding any of the intruded answers to my thoughts, this would be greatly disempowering to the 'entity' interferers (i.e., the garbage's illusory manifestations), and, over time such interferences would be bound to become progressively weaker.

It would also make impossible any more of the most major type of 'entity'- (i.e., garbage-) sourced crisis event to happen for me, for one central aspect of the mechanism of such crises had been to get me increasingly embroiled in some big and convoluted story that I was being given — and now I couldn't be given any 'story' any more — at least, in such a open and indeed brazen way.

Initially I felt a little unsure of myself with regard to abandoning contacts with my supposed Divine Support Team (which DZ had guided me into setting up), for I found it a little harder to let go of the notion that they were a genuine group of beneficial and well-intentioned higher beings, there to assist me, and I had a niggling feeling that they might in some way be hurt or offended at my spurning their availability to assist.

It's quite obvious to me in retrospect that that was the garbage giving me covert pseudo-thoughts, with feelings to match, to try to get me continuing to involve myself with the 'Divine Support Team' and thus the garbage. Anyway, I was determined to be consistent, and so I rather self-consciously turned my nose up at them too.

Unsurprisingly really, I observed no hint of reaction from them, and over a few weeks they simply faded out of my life experience — though unfortunately the intruded 'no' flashes from the garbage in response to thoughts of mine continued, though now being easier to ignore, now that I recognised all non-physical sources as being for ignoring and complete non-engagement.

There was, however, one thing that I'd been able to sort-of obtain through channelling (albeit with troublesome unreliability), which would have been really handy to retain, if only it could be done without interference.

That was, to be able to establish what choices of mine at any particular time were or would be helpful or hindering for me, including food choices and means to address health and environmental stress issues and so forth, and means to further my self-actualization and 'entity' clearance process, and to test people out for compatibility / potential problems relating to me.

A more tangible positive direction: 'energy testing' — with complications of course!

This is where my interest revived in a procedure that the Energy Egg producers Stephen and Lynda Kane, trading as Realheath-online, The LED Partnership, and various other names*, called 'energy testing' — though I much belatedly, in 2019, renamed it to Helpfulness Testing, as the original name is highly misleading.

Thus, so it was that, admittedly pushing through some feelings of resistance that I assumed were coming from the 'entities'*, I got myself booked on one of their Energy Awareness Training workshops, primarily to see if I could learn to do their 'energy testing' sufficiently well to avoid 'entity' (i.e., garbage) interference and actually get relatively reliable results…

My real forward direction opens up, at last!

So, in mid-May 2007 I attended the aforementioned workshop — a two-day one, in which I picked up what were to be the first practical building blocks of my own genuine self-actualization methodology.

However, their methods were billed and presented not as full self-actualization methods in the sense that I mean, but simply as life improvement methods, and it was clear from their literature and what they said in the workshop, that the direction of their further workshops and 'training' would be very much in their own version of a New-Agey 'spirituality' direction, which represented their own idea of 'self-realization'.

That pointed to the inevitability of a very early parting of the ways between me and the Kanes — even though for a time I'd still have good reason to obtain more of their Energy Egg 'family' of devices to use as part of my own developing methodology, until any such time in the future that I'd gained or developed a superior replacement for them.

I should thus emphasize that the tremendous gains that I made from that workshop were on the basis that I had a very clear self-actualization intent and I immediately took up various of their methods and adapted them into a genuine self-actualization context as defined by me on this site. Thus people in general who go on their workshops would be unlikely to be embarking on any sort of self-actualization direction and process, at least in anything like such great and fundamental measure as I was, and their bank balances would be significantly lightened into the bargain.

The clearance of garbage interferences, which has been such a hallmark of my own life in recent years, would thus be unlikely to come to them significantly through Stephen and Lynda Kane and their actually seriously problematical belief system and methodology.

Unless such people were exceptionally independent-minded and strong-willed about their own self-actualization intent they'd simply get sidetracked into yet another 'flavour' of spirituality — albeit with some quite good life improvement methods to help keep them locked into that sidetrack.

That and the odd other generally false accusations against me eventually led on to the character assassination dossier (mentioned in the annotation at the end of the previous section) being compiled.

That dossier, among many other things, made it clear that the Kanes were making out to be the sole 'professionals' and experts relating to their methods, heavily implying that I was just a bumbling novice / amateur who was posing as 'instant expert' on their methods after a two-day workshop — whereas the reality was that I was the sole expert on my own adaptation and extension of their methods into my own genuine self-actualization context.

They completely failed to understand (or, more realistically, publicly acknowledge) that, far from just being a novice with only the experience of a two-day workshop of theirs, I was a very long-standing pioneer on my own self-actualization process, and had a remarkable ability to take up like a duck to water any methods that were really appropriate for my purposes, and to adapt and extend them to make them more effective for my own self-actualization purposes.

Yes, I'd been through some tough times and negotiated various troublesome blind alleys, but unlike other people into self-healing / self-actualization (including the Kanes), I hadn't fallen into the trap of a belief system but had used my own clarity of mind to learn from my errors and get back on course — to the extent of finally getting altogether clear of the whole 'spirituality' mindset.

The Kanes would have had a quite good idea of that if they'd read through this website properly, but instead they read through bits of it only to find ammunition to use against me in their dossier, in which I was portrayed, as I say, as having set myself up as an expert on their methods on the basis of just a two-day workshop that I'd attended — and, of course, also as being seriously mentally disordered into the bargain.

All that again points to the Kane's workshops as NOT being a worthwhile direction for people in general who want to embark on a genuine self-actualization process and to promote self-actualization in others, notwithstanding the many potentially quite effective life improvement methods on offer in those workshops.

Those methods actually come within a constricted and very limiting context, in which they're all seen as parts of a saleable package that you're not entitled to use in full accordance with the breadth, creativity and fullness of your own self-actualization potential and intent, and in which you're expected to continue to recognise the Kanes as being 'the professionals' and sole 'experts' relating to what they possessively regard as their methods.

Thus anyone who takes up anything of the Kanes' methodology and is strongly motivated for genuine self-actualization beyond the confines of their 'spirituality'-oriented approach, and who wants to 'go independent' and make such methods more widely available, will at once come into conflict with the Kanes and have a difficult time with them.

The main aspects of my enhanced self-actualization process that resulted from what I took and adapted from that workshop were:

• Living with positive intent, using 'energy testing' (i.e., what, in my own enhanced version, I eventually came to call Helpfulness Testing) and generally cultivating a grounded, non-astrally connected 'energy awareness'* to enable me to consistently make life choices, both major and minor, that would be strengthening and not weakening for me — or at least to choose the least weakening option where all options would be weakening.

  * As with 'energy testing', 'energy awareness' was an unfortunate term to use, and it's one I progressively dropped during the following few years. An accurately descriptive term would be something like 'environmental resonance awareness'. Yes, that's rather a mouthful but at least it does give at least some semblance of what is, or needs to be, meant!

  I thus started making consistently 'strengthening' (i.e., most healthy) choices of food and even particular food supplements (extra vitamins, minerals etc to counter specific imbalances that I identified in my system) for me to use.

• Paying proper attention to eliminating or at least minimizing environmental stress influences that affect me, and to retrospectively clearing my lifelong accumulation of environmental stress damage in my non-physical aspects.

• A much fuller and more purposeful use of my Energy Egg and Guardian Angel, to greatly facilitate my retrospective environmental stress damage clearance process, and to also start directing myself towards a more effective strategy and methodology with the Energy Egg 'family' of devices for progressively weakening my garbage interferences and attacks — though much of the direction that I was to take in that respect was my own and marked a departure that was to be a major part of the rift that was to open up between me and the Kanes.

• Although I didn't know about it till later, by getting prompted into active use of the Energy Egg 'family' of devices, I'd at last had the seed firmly planted, for my developing a more effective device to assist my self-actualization process and clearance of untoward influences from my life.

• Using a collection of mostly daily practices — generally of a yogic nature — to progressively strengthen my non-physical aspects, including healing all distortions and 'localized' weaknesses, so progressively rendering myself immune to 'entity' and garbage-related attachments, interferences and attacks.

  One thing that was very new to me about all those practices was that they were producing significant healing effects without cause for any attention being given to 'story' about what was supposedly amiss in one's 'energy system' or what had gone on for one in the past.

  Thus I was able to completely drop all the 'story' that I'd accumulated from all my channelling, and from then on it didn't matter a toss what had happened in any past lives of mine or indeed whether I'd ever had any past lives. It also made no difference whether or not any of my issues had been caused by the presence of attached lost souls or indeed any other sort of attachment, for the methods were the same regardless.

As part of my new 'living with positive intent' based on my new cultivation of 'energy awareness' and making only 'strengthening' choices and actions, within a couple of weeks of the workshop I'd bought a new and better camera (to enable me to take some particular photos to enhance my flat by neutralizing particular environmental stresses), and then got the idea — supported by my 'energy testing' to see if this would be for my ultimate good at this time — to set up a new website to present and offer for sale the high-grade photos of nature and wild scenery subjects that I'd be taking on my hikes with the new camera. The project was to be named Clear Mind Photos*, and duly got under way.

My daily use of the new practices was powerfully and consistently increasing a deep and very grounded and 'present' happiness and security about me. This wasn't going up and down, but was incrementing every day as I continued to use the practices. This was progressively shifting the centre of my awareness more and more strongly away from the intrusions from the garbage, so that although it did still intrude and interfere, it was increasingly easy to disregard, even while I kept fully vigilant and aware of all its little (attempted) tricks that still continued.

In late May, about a week after the workshop, the 'entities' (i.e., garbage) did try a last-ditch attempt to unseat me and make me flee in terror from the new methods — for 'they' put upon me a sustained crisis-level attack full of little messages pretending to be my own thoughts to the effect that the new practices had fully opened me to the 'entities' so that now they were taking me over. The manner in which the garbage did this would have really freaked most people if they'd experienced anything like that.

Fortunately by then I well knew the sort of tricks the 'entities' played (deceit being 'their' middle name and every other name of theirs too!). I contacted the Crisis Resolution Team and had a couple of those lovely people visit me for a chat, then explaining to them articulately what was happening and that there was nothing to be worried about at all, and that they were serving their purpose for me admirably simply by enabling me to get my awareness more grounded again.

That was enough for me to defuse that attack, quickly restoring my balance of awareness. I very much doubted whether the 'entities' could put on another such strong attack after that (though of course ultimately only time would tell).

The garbage did still attack at times with sexual arousal, seeking to get me inappropriately lustful after certain young(ish) men who I'd seen or encountered on my travels.

However, its main ongoing nuisance-making was the continuing interference with my anus and pee sphincter — the resultant anal clenching quite often being very painful as it aggravated the otherwise mild haemorrhoids there*, and then the discomfort from that was amplified and distorted to give a raw burning feeling as though my anus was a raw open wound that had just been rubbed with coarse sandpaper or was being cut open further with a razor blade.

This actually led to formation of an anal fistula, which was to remain with me till it was finally removed by surgery and then natural physical healing in 2010. For more about that, see How I became a hospital bed blocker.

My concentration on the new practices, the use of which didn't involve needing to believe any theory or model of higher realities or higher beings, reinforced my complete relinquishment of all 'story' to my life, so that I was at last able to live in a distinctly more grounded way, joyfully accepting the here-and-now.

As part of my clearing out the earlier garbage influences, at an early stage I actually consigned to landfill all those seemingly precious sacred geometry healing wands, which I'd been using so extensively on myself.

Whatever good intentions GH could theoretically have had when making and supplying them, he simply didn't realize that he himself was being seriously led astray and indeed to a significant extent controlled by the garbage, and was unwittingly working as one of its helpers, as are ALL 'healers' / 'lightworkers' within the New Age mindset and virtually all other 'healers' / 'lightworkers' too, as far as I can ascertain.

— All because they're failing consistently to work ONLY from their own deepest aspects in their healing work and for the gaining of necessary information for healing and positive life change purposes, and are consistently failing to be deeply self scrutinizing in a healthily sceptical manner, so that they stay unawarely imprisoned within their particular belief systems.

Indeed, GH had been displaying some bizarre behaviour towards me that raised serious questions about what was really going on for him, and indeed appeared to be pointing to his conscious motivations towards me having indeed been seriously sinister rather than genuinely positive.*

Because of the completely 'non-story' way that I'd then come to be living and working on myself, I discarded any view as to whether the 'entity' manifestations still interfering with me were 'real' or were self-created as DZ had claimed. Fortunately from my new perspective I well understood that I didn't need to know whether the interferences were from one type of source or another.

I simply carried out my practices every day and kept my attention on my then very much improving everyday life experience. Within my mind, for some purposes I regarded the 'entities' as 'real' (i.e., external and separate from myself), while for other purposes I regarded them as just a wayward part of my 'mind'. I saw neither view as true or false, but I simply used what assumption helped at any particular moment.

Further progress with the walking / hiking

Meanwhile, what happened then about my arthritic right knee? — In fact its recovery accelerated since the May workshop. I realized that if my new self-actualization methods — especially one of the yogic practices that I took from the aforementioned May 2007 workshop and was subsequently to replace with methods better-attuned to my overall genuine self-actualization mindset and methodology — were any good, there was bound to be further improvement.

The first intimation that this might actually be happening came through my early 'energy testing'. I rather ruefully pictured myself once more hiking my long-standing classic 21 miles with over 1100 metres of ascent on the coast path from Exmouth to Beer sometime in the future, and 'energy tested' on it — and got a clear 'strengthening' response to that.

"Pull the other one!", I thought, assuming that this must be another bit of 'entity' interference, giving yet another promise of something great that could never happen. But no matter how much I sought to falsify my testing on that mental image, I still got a consistent 'strengthening' to it.

Not only that, but, still taking that to be a sort of 'pie in the sky' for just maybe a few years' time if I were very lucky, when I tested on that notion I got a 'weakening' response, and then consistent 'strengthening' responses to my testing on the notion of my doing that whole walk again actually later that very year!

"Well, maybe…", I thought to myself very dubiously — but I saw that the real practical point of this wasn't prediction of the future, which one couldn't do via true 'energy testing' (and which is worse than useless when it's done through dowsing or channelling, because of the garbage involvement). Rather, it was giving me a focus and particularly an indication that it wasn't 'strengthening' for me to be sitting on my meagre laurels and continuing to restrict my hiking mileage to that maximum of 10–12 miles in a day, and for my best health I needed to progressively increase my mileage, taking myself to the limit of what I could sensibly do, not just what I believed would be safe. That was the only way I could actually find out my true limits, and extend them if indeed they were still extendable.

So, using 'energy testing' to assist me in the choice of location and route for each hike, I successively upped the length and strenuousness of hikes, till on 30th July I had a real epic day out, walking the 'killer' 18 miles and over 1500 metres of ascent on the Cornish coast path from Polzeath to Tintagel, which is actually harder even though a little shorter than Exmouth to Beer.

Admittedly the knee was hurting a fair amount by the end, but my 'energy testing' still indicated that this wasn't a real problem — though it made sense to try to minimize further walking that day in the return hitch-hike. Ironically, my not walking the extra mile at the end to my usual return hitch-hiking spot in Bossiney resulted in a particular delay in getting away from Tintagel, and my getting stuck at the main junction on the A30 at Launceston, where I stood by the slip road all night (this being my first ever all-night hitch-hike), having to keep shivering strongly nearly all the time, for it was an exceptionally cool night for July.

I was concerned about all the extra work for that knee, and of course I was already quite 'knackered' from the hike, but my 'energy testing' enabled me to keep monitoring my system and making the most 'strengthening' choice as to whether to stay there or to walk into the town and try to get a bit of assistance from a passing police patrol — the latter option getting avoided by probably a gnat's whisker.

Despite all that, there were no troublesome repercussions for the knee — and indeed, in August, just two days before I started receiving my State pension (age 65), I really did walk the 21 miles and over 1100 metres of ascent from Exmouth to Beer once more — as already noted, actually not quite such a hard walk overall as Polzeath to Tintagel. Naturally the knee hurt a bit again towards the end, but again my inner inquiry supported by 'energy testing' indicated that this didn't represent any cause for concern.

Indeed, as far as I could ascertain, the particular nagging pain that did still come up like that in my hikes wasn't the arthritis at all, which itself was no longer causing any pain, and was a very rapidly receding issue. This remaining issue was something non-arthritic and much less serious, relating to a particular stress on a ligament of that knee, resulting from a slight malalignment, and, in addition, this itself was on the way out, though it would recede only gradually over months or indeed years.

The true nature of 'my' emotional issues and past life experiences (1)

During my sessions in early 2007 with DZ, he'd approximately concurred with my own channelled 'information', that I had (purported) healing connections ('energy cords') to a number of other supposedly closely 'soul-connected' people, which were adding to my load for self-healing work, so that I was actually unwittingly healing those people too.

That fiction was first channelled to me by my supposed 'higher consciousness' (i.e., really the garbage) during my major crisis event in late August to early September 2006, and it had made a degree of sense for me, for it had at last given a tolerably plausible explanation of why I seemed to be carrying such a huge load of trauma to heal. In the story that I'd channelled, it was allegedly 26 people thus connected to me, and whose emotional traumas I was healing every time I had some emotional healing process occurring supposedly for myself.

Actually DZ's reinforcement of that notion of my energy cords to other people was very confused and contradictory, and left me wondering a bit about the truth of any information about the trauma material that I was either carrying or at least connected to.

DZ had been keen to emphasize to me that, according to him, I still had quite a lot of trauma material of my own to heal, including a trauma of my alleged 'higher self' and a major soul trauma from early in the formation of this Cosmos, supposedly before I'd started incarnating, but I was very suspicious and held that notion at arm's length, because it looked very much like part of the strong personal status trip that he was running on me during our telephone sessions early in the year.

As already noted, in those sessions he'd come out with various statements and behaviours that were really quite outrageous in their absurdity in his posturing as being my mentor and thus supposedly superior to and more 'advanced' than me.

As soon as I'd got reading some of Steve Gamble's writings in April 2007, I realized that the scenario that Gamble was presenting, in which people get degraded 'parasitic lost souls' attached to them, carrying a lot of accumulated trauma, those lost souls then being responsible for much or even all of what the people experience as their own past life memories and traumas, could account very nicely for what was going on for me.

That would also cut out all the highly problematical 'story' about previous lifetimes of mine and non-incarnated soul existences of mine in the far reaches of the past. — But of course, if I wasn't channelling any more, I had no information source with which I could even begin to corroborate such a scenario.

However, once I had 'energy testing', and ventured into using it in 'mental testing' mode for quite versatile inner inquiry (albeit of a somewhat speculative nature), in which I was testing hypotheses and not just actual objects and situations and choices, I found I was getting a consistent 'strengthening' response to the notion that it was indeed parasitic lost souls attached to me that were the real culprit.

And also, my indication then was that the 'energy cords to heal others' story was complete fiction, clearly to act as a decoy for me because actually when I'd channelled the fiction about the alleged 'energy cords', really my own deepest aspects had even then been seeking to pass to my 'ordinary mind' the true information.. Of course the garbage had relayed it to me distorted very considerably to try to divert me from ever finding the correct information.

Indeed, once I found the relevant notions in Steve Gamble's writings, the garbage immediately gave me some very menacing attacks, apparently to try to scare me right away from his writings. Even then I'd been fairly sure that that response was an immediate sign that I was on the right track.

With inner inquiry supported by 'energy testing' I was able, over time, to build up a clearer and more helpful working model of the situation than Gamble had come up with, and the fruits of that are presented in The true nature of 'the forces of darkness' and its interference and attacks.

However, as I recount further below, I was eventually to find that one little observation by DZ mentioned further above was to prove 'prophetic', because actually there was an even bigger source of emotional 'nasties' that the garbage could use to attack me, and I was sure taking my time to recognise it!

That was the homework — now onto the offensive!

During the late summer and autumn of 2007, using inner inquiry / 'energy testing' to indicate what was working or likely to work, I got more creative about my use of the Guardian Angel and Energy Eggs, adapting a supposed entity clearance method using those devices, to make it more effective, and I was using this daily. In addition, I was doing a lot of Self-Power Walking, and from September onwards, periodically it seemed that a new cloud lifted from me, and clearly something very positive was happening. My inner inquiry was indicating the successive departure of parasitic lost souls that had been attached to me, but even now I don't know whether that was really what was happening at that time.

The 'entities' (i.e., the garbage) were still able to attack me, but in mid 2008 one particular crisis event* led me to the understanding that a major mechanism in most if not all the attacks was the use of illusory realities that the garbage covertly builds up in rather 'secret' areas of one's mindspace, so that I was able to progressively immunize myself against attacks exploiting a particular vulnerability, by using each attack to identify the particular illusory reality and 'zap' it with the very powerful Grounding Point procedure, which I really got using powerfully in early 2008.

Inner inquiry or 'mental testing' played an important part in that, in assisting me in identifying the particular key illusory realities or hidden beliefs that would be most effective to 'zap'. Each attack, therefore, had become another 'handle' for enabling me to immunize myself still further, and, once a particular illusory reality had been dissolved, it couldn't be so easily be re-created and thus it couldn't be used again so readily or at least so effectively in an attack. Thus the options available to the garbage for launching future attacks on me appeared — as indeed they still do — to be steadily on the decline.

The reason why the Grounding Point procedure really took off and became 'ground-breakingly' powerful in early 2008 was…

Enter the Clarity-Sphere — 'the real McCoy' that wasn't quite!

On 22nd January 2008 started a saga that was to burst like a bubble at the very end of 2009 — in which what I was thinking of just as 'energy testing', but was really the less reliable 'mental testing' version, led me into supposedly developing a superior, much more comprehensively functional and versatile healing aid than the Energy Egg family of devices, and I called it the Clarity-Sphere. The 'bad news' that I finally got (in a most unpleasant manner indirectly from the Energy Egg people) at the end of 2009 was that the supposed programming that I'd put into the spheres was non-existent*, and thus any work and projects that depended on that programming had actually been unable to work.

The Good News, however, was that despite that apparent sad discovery, these spheres had been having very positive healing and positive life change effects when used in a variety of procedures — not only for me, but for at least a fair proportion of people who had bought ones from me, regardless of the supposed lack of programming. There was actually no 'magic' about this, and it wasn't simply a matter of 'suggestion'.

It turns out that we'd all been training ourselves to use these apparently unprogrammed spheres as very effective 'resonators' or 'focusing points' of our positive healing intent, and so they'd proved that notionally unprogrammed spheres of suitable stone type could be very effective healing aids in their own right. So, at the beginning of 2010 my erstwhile Clarity-Sphere web page was replaced with one called Stone Spheres as Healing and Self-Actualization Aids (belatedly removed in 2021).

Indeed, for a long time, with the Clarity-Sphere Mk 2, my counsel to anyone with a suitable sphere that didn't have formal Clarity-Sphere programming was simply to use it as though it did have that programming. Although it would presumably be more effective once given that programming formally, really the sphere would in most cases gather some level of that very programming simply through being put to ongoing use for that purpose more or less daily.

However, as from September 2018 my methodology ceased to use Clarity-Sphere or indeed any external aid at all, then becoming markedly more effective still.

Living with the 'Clarity-Sphere' that wasn't quite!

I did labour this site with quite a bit of 'story' about what was happening for me while using the supposed Clarity-Sphere (i.e., its first 'incarnation'), but I've removed most of that now as it doesn't really take anyone forward in their own lives to read all that.

Fortunately, by using the sphere (my 'working' one was a 90mm aventurine one) as a resonator and focusing aid for my healing and positive life-change intents, I was actually giving myself a range of types of what many people would call 'spiritual' healing. The crucial difference from almost all of that was that this wasn't involving or invoking any external energy or 'presence', and was purely from my own deepest aspects.

This was particularly fortunate because I'd actually reduced some of the other practices I was doing because my faulty 'energy testing' (i.e.,'mental testing', which had gone astray) indicated that the Clarity-Sphere was increasing the efficiency of the various practices so that I supposedly didn't need to use them so much, and indeed I actually discontinued Self-Power Walking, doing it only very rarely and for very short sessions. I'd also put away the Light-Sphere and Energy Stone that I'd had from DZ, having incorrectly determined that those were redundant for me then.

Anyway, I steadily got a clearer-minded, happier and more buoyant life experience regardless of any deficiencies in my daily schedule of healing practices, and increasingly I really felt this even on the increasingly rare occasions when the garbage attacked significantly — the disgusting feelings then seeming remarkably superficial. So, I was clearly doing a lot that was right for me, despite my supposed error about the Clarity-Sphere. Additionally, two ongoing great aids to this end were:

• Consistent use of inner inquiry / Helpfulness Testing for 'living with positive intent'. Well, at the time I thought it was the most reliable form of 'energy testing', and sometimes it was genuinely so, but in retrospect I recognise that more usually it was really the less reliable but more versatile 'mental testing' that I'd been using. However, for the most part I still got extremely helpful indications for keeping all my choices as far as possible to strengthening ones and thus making my life direction consistently one of improvement.

• Walking and hiking! Having restored my right knee, I maintained the aim to have one or two single day hikes per week, generally strenuous and as long as time sensibly allowed — up to some 21 miles and anything up to about 1500 metres of ascent — always solo, and hitch-hiking to and from the walking route (all within the day), when the weather was suitable for that purpose in my estimation (which meant some long hiatuses, especially in the winter).

  In addition I'd been having a short(ish) local walk down by the River Exe and Exeter Ship Canal on other days, which could be as little as two miles, but was more usually more like 7 miles and could extend to the 8 miles to Starcross. I was thus actually doing significantly more walking miles per week (in like conditions) than I was ever doing before I'd had the arthritis in my right knee!

  Please note, all you non-walkers and non-hikers, that I include these activities as not just a valid but an important healing / self-actualization method — especially because it's so grounding when carried out properly (no personal stereo or mobile phone, for a start!).

Things get still simpler — recognising the 'entities' as non-entities!

A major change with far reaching effects in June 2008 was my coming to the understanding at last, that the astral 'entities' were most helpfully regarded as not being awarely conscious beings at all but as just a sort of 'rogue programming' made up of thought form complexes that may have been just the remnants of parts of the minds of people who had got their awareness trapped in the astral non-reality at various times during the history of human-type beings in this universe and any other contemporaneous or previous universes.

I write more about this in The true nature of 'the forces of darkness' and its interference and attacks, where I develop that view quite a bit.

I found this view of the garbage to be extremely empowering and liberating, and although the interferences didn't actually cease, they then seemed much more inane and inconsequential, and thus they had reduced ability to disrupt my daily life. This would make the remainder of the clearance process easier and more speedy.

The intrusive visual 'no' flashes in response to thoughts of mine had become weaker and weaker and had become rare enough that some whole days were passing without my noticing any at all. They did have their fluctuations, so once in a while I'd get a short burst of them — particularly while I was thinking that I hadn't noticed any 'no' flashes lately!

Even though mild and brief attacks still occurred from time to time, it had seemed that I was well beyond the possibility of any further severe and particularly crisis level attacks occurring. So it was a surprise for me when, in May 2008, I did get another crisis level one. That attack is described in Anatomy of a 'forces of darkness' ('astral beings') attack crisis.

As explained on that page, that crisis event didn't mean that I hadn't made such brilliant progress after all, but rather that there were still the odd means by which the garbage could cause trouble in certain very specific types of situation where I got some particularly strong emotional 'button pushing'. However, by breaking cover and giving such attacks, the garbage was actually showing me what still needed clearing from my system in order to become still more invulnerable to it, and thus was unwittingly aiding my self-actualization and clearance process.

Thus the particular crisis event enabled me to apply very simple focused healing and clearance work* to the particular vulnerability that the garbage had exposed, so that its ability to exploit that particular vulnerability in future was thus more or less eliminated over a pretty short period.

The writhing-stretching stage — a highly positive indicator

A few months into 2009 I found myself spontaneously extending any hint of physical stretching into something much more energetic and powerful, which I call writhing-stretching. I describe this in Some Potent Healing and Self-Realization Practices — though actually it's not really a 'practice' because it's something that will occur spontaneously if you're ready for it to happen and encourage and allow it to, and it wouldn't necessarily be really effective if you 'do' it as though it were a practice.

As I indicate on the above-linked page, it's something that, as far as I can ascertain, generally happens only for people who are quite advanced in clearing their emotional issues and 'entity' attachments.

Apparently associated with this, my whole life experience became much more centred in my innate joyfulness and clarity.

Being my own best 'doctor' for a grade 3 quadriceps tear ('rupture')

The positive change related in the previous section was very striking when, on 29th March 2009, I had a silly little accident in the Rocky Valley near Tintagel, treading awkwardly off the little footbridge at the bottom and sitting down unexpectedly in an undignified manner with my right quadriceps (front thigh muscle) clenching up so fiercely that I could feel it tearing as I went down*.

I felt a brief superficial flush of dismay, because I well knew that a torn quadriceps could very easily represent an end to my hiking, and indeed, if really severe, an end of normal, unaided walking altogether — yet despite anything that the garbage may have been trying on me then, I remained basically happy and buoyant even then.

I simply applied the best clear-mindedness that I could, still feeling quite secure in myself. I remained sitting there for some 20 minutes for some 'settling down' and also inner assessment of the damage and what was a reasonable course of action, and I was monitoring this by means of repeated inner inquiry.

As it happened, however, the possibility for much dismay was very soon dispelled, because even my first inner inquiry once I'd abruptly 'sat down' indicated that all was by no means lost, for this, although a very significant tear in the muscle, wasn't like a real irrevocable tear of the whole muscle, and so even at that point I'd still have a fair amount of function from it, and some degree of healing was bound to occur (even though anything like a total recovery wouldn't necessarily be possible).

My first practical indication from my inner inquiry was that I needed to remain sitting there exactly as I'd unexpectedly 'sat down', for probably some 20 minutes, to let the injury settle down a bit and also to enable my deeper aspects to get a better idea of the nature and extent of the damage, and what would be my best course of action for optimal healing.

In the event, after those 20 minutes of undignified sitting on the end of the little footbridge, I followed the indications of my Helpfulness Testing at that point, very cautiously getting up, and then, very gently limping and at times even rather hobbling, supporting myself with my hiking walking stick, I actually completed the short walk to Tintagel, without taking any short cut, for my inner inquiry indicated that on balance this would be the most beneficial approach, and I hitch-hiked back to my flat in Exeter as usual.

That final completion of the walk after the accident felt not just uncomfortable but disturbingly strange, because I didn't have full control over my right leg's movements, and of course that emphasized to me that I did indeed have a relatively major injury and thus at least to a certain extent the future of my hiking was in balance.

During the ensuing week, after an initial 'shopping only' day (Ouch, ouch…!) my inner inquiry / Helpfulness Testing indicated for me to get off my arse and resume my regular afternoon walks along the Exeter Canal, forcing myself to walk normally without limping / hobbling, despite the very considerable and initially daunting level of pain that such walking was causing*.

That these indications were bang-on was evident even on the first of those excruciating walking days, because, once I'd got into the proper walking, the pain, although constant while walking, rapidly became much more bearable, and I found that the leg was already dramatically stronger even after that first four-mile afternoon walk, just two days after the injury.

To my amazement, on 12th April I was already out on a hike again — from Zennor to Cape Cornwall, which includes some exceptionally rough and hard-going terrain for a British coast path. Naturally I went more slowly and carefully than usual, but it all worked brilliantly, and the leg, although not fully pain-free then, was clearly stronger after that hike.

That may sound like an absolutely crazy choice of a first hike, just some two weeks following the injury, but that was what my Helpfulness Testing indicated. This was on the basis that I'd take it gently, and could take an escape route to the road if necessary. This way it was much safer for me to go 'close to the limit' with the injured muscle, than it would be for a person without Helpfulness Testing.

Also, it became very clear that my own deeper aspects, via my Helpfulness Testing, were promoting a policy of 'pushing' the muscle repeatedly 'close to the limit' as part of a strategy to minimize any scar tissue build-up and possible ossification of blood clot remains in the site of the main injury. It was also a strategy to encourage the muscle to repair itself as speedily and as fully as possible.

By late April I wasn't only free of actual pain but felt only the occasional slight nagging from the injury area, though particularly for the next month or two I was careful with that leg and avoiding as far as possible particularly major stresses to the quadriceps (while still doing lots of walking including strenuous hikes!), to assist the further healing of the injury.

My Helpfulness Testing indications in early May were to think in terms of not just healing of the edges of the tear, but actually also the regenerative replacement of the chunk of muscle that had torn away (causing a persistent slight bulge and depression on that thigh), which presumably any medic would write off as unsalvageable — though I had no cause to go to a doctor to get verification of the latter point*, being for most purposes my own best doctor, as anyone could potentially be if they used Helpfulness Testing really well.

That didn't mean that the muscle would necessarily fully regenerate (predictions of the future are of the garbage and thus outside my 'remit'), but simply that by opening myself fully to the potentiality of full recovery, I'd be enabling the fullest possible regeneration to occur — however much or little that might be.

My inner inquiry indications in May were suggestive that within my non-physical aspects a full regeneration process had got under way, BUT only time would tell just how much of that would be able to translate through into actual physical regeneration. It was bound to take a fair time anyway if anything really major was able to work through.

At least even at that time I could do quite hard and strenuous hikes, though for the time being I was being careful to avoid the odd particularly quadriceps-stressful bits and not attempt the very longest hiking routes in my repertoire till a late stage in recovery, when sufficient regeneration had occurred. I'd know about that from my Helpfulness Testing.

Throughout all this I remained happy and buoyant. Whenever I suspected that the garbage might seek to cultivate some sort of negative or distressed view or feelings relating to the state of that muscle (or indeed anything else) I didn't wait for such feelings to become noticeable, but instead assumed that I could have a related illusory reality being insinuated into my mindspace by the garbage, and so went ahead and zapped it using Grounding Point on my aventurine sphere.

Zapping an actually non-existent illusory reality in that manner would never do any harm, so this is a fail-safe means of immunizing and clearing oneself — greatly helpful unless one starts getting obsessive over zapping 'possible' illusory realities.

In early June I did eventually see a physiotherapist, but this was more for just checking as to whether there was any particular exercise that would be helpful, which I hadn't thought of myself. In that session the physiotherapist had me do a number of exercises, primarily to test the state of that leg, and she seemed really surprised to find that I had consistent flexibility and almost complete movement in that leg.

At the end of the session, when she'd have given me a list of daily exercises to do, she told me that I was managing my injury so impressively that she didn't feel that it would be helpful to recommend any of her exercises to me because what I was already doing appeared to be working better for me than her various exercises would. — What a nice bit of feedback!

About the same time, further Helpfulness Testing led me actually to do a sort of reprogramming of my body and non-physical aspects to promote the further repair of the muscle. During the weeks following the accident, the bulge just above the muscle tear had become increasingly prominent, with a slight hollow below it.

As already noted, the bulge was the part of the muscle that had torn away from the tendon. This bulge increased further from about late May, with a gradually growing firm mass of tissue becoming evident at the lower end of the bulge.

This was nothing malignant but simply a mass of so-called 'callus' — undifferentiated tissue that forms in injury sites as a step in the healing process — but here the callus couldn't do anything useful because there was a considerable gap between it and the end of the tendon from where the muscle had become detached.

My inner inquiry indicated that this situation was hindering (but by no means fully blocking) any tendency for the intact part of the whole muscle actually to regenerate new fibres to extend itself transversely to fill up the gap left by the tear.

So, the reprogramming that I did involved my writing down and then formally reading to myself (while maintaining a particular connection with my aventurine sphere) two formal declarations of intent, as follows:

• With clear conscious choice, I affirm my intent that the now useless part of my right adductor femoris muscle is atrophied and re-absorbed, to facilitate and promote rapid regeneration of the damaged part of the muscle, and that this change is occurring as speedily as can be.

• With clear conscious choice, I affirm my intent that all my leg muscles are healthy and complete, of optimal strength for the most strenuous and demanding activities that would benefit me, and are optimally balanced between right and left legs, and that this change is occurring as speedily as can be.

On my hikes my Helpfulness Testing indications were generally to aim to do the very longest practical options, even while also realizing that I'd probably not yet be sensibly able to go quite that far. So, for example, when I walked from Polzeath to Port Isaac, my sights were actually upon continuing to Tintagel — a real 'killer' walk of 18 miles and over 1500 metres of ascent.

On 20th June I still found the need to terminate at Port Isaac because I was starting to get a strain pain at the very top of the injured muscle — but on 8th August I walked the whole of that route to Tintagel, with no obvious signs of that muscle getting stressed.

Or rather, my leg muscles overall were feeling very stressed in a more general way on that walk, and my inner inquiry indicated that that was a problem not directly related to the injury — a combination of a mineral imbalance and dehydration on the one hand and, on the other hand a particular type of interference from the garbage, greatly magnifying what were actually much less significant feelings of muscle stress and fatigue in order to try to get me to terminate the walk early and indeed put me off doing such long walks altogether.

Then soon after that I walked from Exmouth to Beer again — 20+ miles and over 1100 metres of ascent, without any muscle aggro.

I sorted out the dehydration / mineral imbalance issue, which had been increasingly affecting my hikes generally. Inner inquiry revealed that it was NOT salt that I needed to take, but iodine. I therefore used Helpfulness Testing to establish what was a helpfully large and yet still safe dose for me to be taking (significant overdosing with iodine can cause potentially serious problems), and thus settled on three relatively high-dose kelp tablets per day, which gave me a daily iodine boost of a nominal 450 micrograms.

On my hikes in warm weather I'd use two of the tablets while out instead of the normal one lunchtime tablet. I also found that a certain injury-proneness of my muscles and their tendons was being caused by a slight deficiency of selenium and possibly boron, so I started taking supplements of those too.

Now, which doctor or 'specialist' would have been able to tell me such things about what my own body needs, rather than just seek to impose upon me some 'one size is supposed to fit all' set of rules that they'd learnt, for example in their 'professional' training?!

So, although I still had the unsightly bulge on the front of my right thigh, by August I was walking my longest and most difficult routes again, and by September I was really no longer thinking of my having any ongoing injury related limitations (though the odd minor strains of certain weak tendons and ligaments not related to 'that' injury impacted upon the odd walks).

As for that bulge, my inner inquiry in August was indicating that it was actually diminishing, but if that was indeed happening at all it was happening too slowly for me to notice anything physically.

During September there were visible signs of the bulge reducing in prominence — and one acquaintance who hadn't seen me for a while spontaneously remarked on its smaller size. It seemed that there was a considerable speeding up of the decline of the bulge at that time, but that decline slowed down through the autumn and became very little in the winter. However, I did notice also that the main, intact part of the muscle seemed to be gradually filling out where it had been 'depressed' after the injury, and seemed to be progressively taking up space that had been occupied by the bulge.

Inner inquiry suggests that further major healing of the remnants of the injury require the relevant muscle to be worked hard to the point of a mild degree of stress — such as happens on my strenuous coast path hikes. The catch just for the moment has been the winter weather and lack of opportunities for that type of walk.

I shall update this section when there are significant further developments, or at least to report some degree of final completion of the process.

Return of the Clarity-Sphere!

In late 2010 I tentatively started experimentally working towards being able to program my desktop stone sphere (by then a hefty 6¼" marble one) as a genuine Clarity-Sphere, but this time with a very different approach and mindset. By early 2011 it appeared that I was already making very good progress with this, becoming increasingly effective in my programming attempts.

One sign that I'd become much more effective in immunizing myself against attacks from the garbage was that on a day in April that year I deliberately precipitated a fairly massive garbage attack when it was time for me to go to bed, and, using my experimental new-version Clarity-Spheres (desktop plus 'satellite' mini-spheres), I'd dissolved that extremely intimidating and hellish attack within an hour.

I give a proper account of my development of the new-version Clarity-Sphere in The Clarity-Sphere — For Advanced Healing and Self-Actualization, and in Philip Goddard's self-actualization methodology — Introduction I explain how it came that in September 2018 I finally came to declare redundant the Clarity-Sphere and indeed the very principle of using any external aid at all. — Now, that's what I call really beginning to take off!

Progress in getting clear of the garbage interferences — October 2011 onwards

The decline of garbage interference and attacks upon me has been for the most part a very slow process, and it's now time to update the reader on this matter, for the process has been so gradual that I haven't previously found really clearly definable stages in the improvements, which could form an obvious basis of a specific update report here. At the time of my originally writing this section, in February 2010, it appeared that one particular troublesome manifestation had ceased altogether but actually it had not!

The interference that appeared pretty well to have run out of steam altogether at last was those very intrusive and tiresome dark 'no' flashes in my inner vision. They'd been on noticeable but oh-so-gradual decline ever since I'd really got established with my new and powerful clearance and self-actualization methods in 2007, and really through 2008 and 2009 I could describe their status as no longer being prominent in my everyday life, having become, and continuing to get, fainter and less frequent, so that there were the odd days when I didn't actually notice any at all (though some may still have occurred).

Typically, the moment I actually entertained the thought that they were on the decline or even might have stopped, I'd get a brief flurry of somewhat more prominent 'no' flashes to try to dent my morale, but it was clear that a very welcome change was very gradually happening, and at some point the 'no' flashes would presumably become so faint that even the strongest would no longer be noticeable to me.

At the time of my originally writing this section it appeared that I'd reached the latter situation. In the event, within a few weeks of my having written here to that effect, I was getting very occasional faint 'no' flashes again, and really things seem to have levelled off (at least, up to October 2011), with just the occasional volley of those faint 'no' flashes, usually when I'm thinking that I haven't been noticing any of those for a while. The odd whole days pass without my noticing the 'no' flashes, but there hasn't been an obvious improvement really since early 2010. However, that's probably far from the whole story.

According to my inner inquiry results, it looks as though what's happening is that my self-actualization process is resulting in two superficially diametrically opposed effects on my experiencing those 'no' flashes. On the one hand it's still getting more and more difficult for the garbage's attempts to communicate with me to be noticed (i.e., unless I choose to tune into them), BUT at the same time, and at about the same rate, my awareness is gradually further opening up, which is making it potentially easier for the garbage's intrusions to get noticed.

So, just for the moment the particular effects of those two very positive processes are just about balancing out, so that subjectively I'm noticing no change. However, my indications are that other changes are under way, which can reasonably be expected soon to get changing the balance so that the decline of noticed intruded garbage communications would then resume.

The attacks have also been very gradually on the decline — this decline being assisted by my getting more efficient in dissolving individual attacks, especially when they first arise, so that they're promptly nipped in the bud. However, the occasional events in my everyday life that have 'pushed particular buttons' for me more strongly than usual have caused a temporary vulnerability in my non-physical aspects, which the garbage has then exploited, so that I'd get a more major attack event again.

Indeed, because of this effect I still had cause to call the local Crisis Resolution Team as recently as late December 2009 in order to get a little bit of awareness-grounding supportive contact from those really nice and helpful people, to enable me to get out of the troublesome feedback loops that the garbage was setting up for me at that time.

However, notwithstanding the very occasional such crisis-level event, the overall level of attacks is still continuing to decline, and my experiencing attacks with nasty feelings doesn't happen during the vast majority of days — except that it's become pretty normal to get at least some hint of an attack at night, starting after I've just woken from a dream. However, almost always, except in the odd crisis events, I've been able to 'zap' those immediately.

On such occasions I'd not wait to see if an attack really was going to develop, and instead would immediately pick up my bedside Energy Egg, or, more recently, 'satellite' mini Clarity-Sphere, and tune it to whatever emotional 'button pushing' was enabling the particular attack to occur — and this generally would nip any incipient attack in the bud, so that I could usually get to sleep pretty quickly again.

Such nuisances have been on very gradual decline, and I've had no further cause to seriously consider calling the Crisis Team or have any further other involvement with the mental health services. When a very rare major emotional 'button-pushing' or ungrounding influence has triggered the start of a more significant-seeming and, as a great rarity, actually seriously menacing attack, I've simply used the two procedures of tuning my Clarity-Spheres to all current environmental stresses and using Grounding Point to 'zap' the most important illusory realities involved in the attack — and would thus cause the attack to dissolve within an hour at most.

Two types of attack that have been more resistant to clearance have been those with sexual arousal and those that aren't obviously using emotional material and instead are causing serious clenching and pain of my anus (and also constriction of my bladder sphincter, making peeing difficult). The sexual arousal attacks have clearly been declining in strength and frequency overall, though there could still be phases of getting that for a few days at a time — generally after I've had some brief verbal exchange with some young(ish) man about town or out on a walk, with whom I experience a more or less strong 'energy' resonance.

On the other hand, the anus pain attacks became the number one issue in early 2010. As far as I could make out, the actual physical clenching was, overall, quite a bit less strong than it used to be, with 'severe' level of clenching having become quite rare and itself less than what I'd sometimes get two or three years before.

The difference in early 2010 seemed to be more the greatly increased frequency of attacks with the pain. The latter has turned out to be nearly all 'phantom' pain given to me by the garbage, and generated elsewhere than in my anus (I think very likely generated in some part of my brain) and then 'referred' to the anus. I've established clearly that the pain isn't directly caused by the anal clenching, even when that's severe. Indeed, I've established clearly that the anal clenching, even when severe, in itself doesn't cause more than a quite minor discomfort.

This situation means that use of local anaesthetic cream during bad attacks with that pain (which feels like a raw open wound freshly rubbed with coarse sandpaper, sometimes with additional stabbings of shards of glass or wrigglings of red hot worms) generally has little or no helpful effect.

The severe anus constriction of that time also aggravated my haemorrhoids, thus making them candidates for surgery.

In July 2010 I had surgery to open up an anal fistula*, and, just as my inner inquiry was suggesting would be the case, that left me with no really significant excess anal constriction and more or less no further phantom pain. However, in August 2011 I had a haemorrhoidal artery ligation operation*, which by rights should have had no more painful aftermath than the fistula operation, and I temporarily had a return of anal constriction and some phantom pain, though fortunately not significantly the raw burning pain nor the 'razor blade in my anus' pain.

So, despite such 'blips', the garbage-sourced anus tribulations are overall not much of a feature now. My understanding is that the anal fistula had been maintaining a particular distortion in my non-physical aspects, which the garbage was using to enable it to give me the severely troublesome anus tribulations, and once the fistula had been cut open and allowed to heal naturally, that distortion in my non-physical aspects almost instantly healed, thus depriving the garbage of its 'handle' for most of the anus interference that it had been visiting upon me.

Apart from my little anus saga, however, overall I continue to experience an ongoing increase in the consistency of my sense of a joyful (grounded) buoyancy of being, as clearly the remnants of the load of emotional garbage still connected to me (presumably via parasitic lost souls) continues to decline. I may still experience the odd annoying faint and diffuse 'no' flashes, but nonetheless, life is definitely becoming still more enjoyable and free from emotional cloudings and garbage interferences generally.

The true nature of 'my' emotional issues and past life experiences (2)

One thing was bugging me increasingly. I'd made and was still making generally great progress in the continued decline of garbage interference and attacks — and for much of the time it did indeed feel as though I must be free of those parasitic lost souls, or, if any of them were still with me, they had presumably been cleared of more or less all their significant trauma material that the garbage could use in attacks.

Yet, despite that, there were certain things and inner impressions that would still consistently push strong emotional buttons for me and either cause me to immediately burst into tears or/and have relatively strong garbage attack feelings — albeit generally short-lived, for I'd promptly use my regular procedure for nipping garbage attacks in the bud.

It thus seemed almost as though there was some additional source of emotional trauma material that the garbage could use in attacks, which I'd still not yet identified.

Also, increasingly, as I was so much clearer of 'regular' garbage attacks, I was noticing that there seemed to be some sort of underlying common factor about my remaining strong button-pushing vulnerabilities, which gave them a particular quality that I can't easily describe, though it did seem to me that they all had some sort of 'generalized' type of experience underlying them, rather than some particular trauma — though actually the same could actually be said of much of the huge amount of emotional trauma that I'd already cleared from myself and apparently also from 'my' parasitic lost souls.

On 14th February 2012, I felt particularly that a certain restlessness of mine over that issue, which had been increasing over the previous few days, was coming to a head and something had to happen to get things moving. I thus got more focused than previously in my inner inquiry. Indeed, about the first thing I checked out was whether there was a way that I could improve the signal strength of my Helpfulness Testing so that I'd have less garbage interference — and indeed I came up with a different mudra to hold while Helpfulness Testing, and it did (and does) seem to be a distinct improvement.

That, then, made it easier for me to get further than previously in my inner inquiry about all this emotional trauma stuff that was still in some way connected or open to me for the garbage to use.

As I recount in Understanding archetypes — and clearing ourselves of them, to which I refer you, I quickly 'twigged' then that the previously unsuspected source of garbage attack material was connections that I still had to the primary archetypes.

Those connections actually were routed through a small number of the parasitic lost souls that had been attached to me, but even after their standard 'attachment' connections had been dissolved, so that, at least theoretically, they'd all been 'sent off', these confounded connections to the primary archetypes via the particular lost souls remained, and were not being at all quickly cleared by my self-actualization methods such as Grounding Point, even though those methods had been remarkably effective in progressively phasing out garbage interference / attack by the various other means.

Although I was tempted to discard all this new 'information' as just more unhelpful 'story', actually at last this had given me a hypothesis that appeared to explain really all the remaining very significant things that had been left unexplained by all my insights before I'd taken archetypes into account.

Not only did I have a plausible explanation for the current ability of the garbage still to attack me, but my findings about primary archetypes neatly explained the distinctive character of the various continuing sources of attack material, and the nature of the sort of experiences that would still 'push buttons' strongly for me.

In addition, at last I had an explanation for why Kafka's short story Metamorphosis — indeed even just the thought of it — always had such an intense emotional effect on me. What was underlying that seemingly innocent, albeit quirky-seeming, story was, in particular, what I call the Ultimate Outcast primary stereotype, in which the person isn't (or is no longer) recognised as human — and it appears that the garbage had set me up with a very strong connection to that archetype to seriously distort my life in very specific ways.

That no doubt is at least the primary reason for my consistently having had a dog-like muzzle and apparently not being human during all my second-level night hells in my early childhood. Similarly, my intense floods of tears over the Gilgamesh legend now make perfect sense, because, although the Gilgamesh scenario isn't in itself a primary archetype, it's so powerful because of the underlying virulent primary archetypes that had spawned that tertiary archetype and the resultant legend.

Another previously puzzling and clearly very significant inner impression, which had often surfaced at the back of my mindspace at times throughout my adult life is now likewise convincingly explained.

That impression was a powerful and extremely disturbing one of a generalized blur-like image with a dismal blue-green-tinged grey 'twilight' colour about it, and accompanied by the most unspeakable 'doomed' feeling, which I always 'knew' was an impression of me or somebody as a sort of lone voyager throughout life, always seeking, never materially finding what is sought, or having it snatched away at once if at any time apparently found, and dying alone and unfulfilled.

I could only assume that that must be some sort of past life memory of mine — but then that notion was scuppered when I came to understand that I didn't have any past lives — at least of previous soul incarnations of mine, because I hadn't had any! So, I had to assume that the impression was coming from a past life of one or more of the lost souls attached to me.

But then again, after the lost souls were supposed to have all been sent off (in the latter half of 2007), I still had that inner impression, complete with its really quite horrific 'doomed' feeling. But now, at last, this was clearly recognisable as a relatively direct view of one of the primary archetypes, and undoubtedly this was one of the ones to which the garbage had set up a particularly strong connection for me so that it would greatly distort my life in certain very specific ways.

This may all sound to be very 'heavy' and extremely bad news — but in reality it was massively GREAT news! Nothing at all had got worse because I'd uncovered that great cesspit / hell-hole of distorted human experience that the whole repository of primary archetypes is. Rather, from then on I and indeed we had at least the beginnings of the insights to enable use each to get to work progressively clearing our connections to all that garbage.

In Understanding archetypes — and clearing ourselves of them I present what looks to be an experimental set of methods to achieve that — though over time since then I've become doubtful about how much those particular methods achieve, and still can be opened to and strongly affected by particular primary archetypes that I was regularly zapping for a while.

Taking stock in September 2018

Having left the end of this page to moulder for some years, let's briefly give a résumé.

The little astral closure 'adventure'

In Project 'Fix the Human Condition' I recount this highly educational supposed fiasco, which commenced in late 2015. What was particularly weird about that little experimental adventure was the way that by some means it caused my garbage attack-zapping methods to stop working for me for close-on three months, so I was dropped in a prolonged garbage macro-attack, and once more had disrupted nights, sometimes having to take Zopiclone to get an occasional tolerably full night's sleep, and had to resort at times to contacting the Crisis Resolution Team again to get my awareness grounded enough to stall or at least minimize the then current attack.

I remained baffled about how that had come about, and thus was unable to take action of any kind to prevent myself dropping myself in it again, until indeed it did happen again, in late 2017. That time it was associated with my working out largely tapping-based methods that could replace Clarity-Sphere-based ones, so notionally rendering the Clarity-Sphere and any other external aids redundant, so simplifying my methodology.

I had to backtrack then, and only very gradually bring in various tapping-based procedures, without any fanfare about rendering the Clarity-Sphere redundant. That macro-attack lasted about 2½ months, quite disruptive though overall probably not quite as severe as the earlier one.

On examination of common factors underlying both those macro-attacks, at last I started gaining an understanding of what was most likely causing them, including the non-operation of my attack-zapping methods during those troublesome events. I explain about that in the 'historical' section of Project 'Fix the Human Condition'.

As with the primary archetypes, the methods I came up with initially for clearing the 'sticky layer' were apparently doing something helpful, but were turning out not to bring about the wanted full clearance or anything like it, so presumably other or additional methods were needed.

I did eventually work out that most likely the reason for my attack-zapping methods not working during those macro-attacks was that when I engaged with certain pieces of material within the sticky layer (always inadvertently, not realizing that my inner inquiry was getting distorted by intervening sticky layer material), the garbage would then direct its attack mechanisms through the sticky layer, where my attack-zapping methods couldn't work. That made perfect sense, and demolished my bafflement over that.

My inadvertent engagement with xyz in the sticky layer had then enabled the garbage to attack me through a route where its attack mechanisms were protected from my methods, and so a macro-attack could then be built up.

Getting this understanding (i.e., hypothesis that at last 'adds up' and explains all the previous inexplicables), I then saw that I should be able to avoid further macro-attacks simply by periodically using Grounding Point to repudiate and completely dissociate myself from all information, data or other communications, whether true or false, that I'd ever received from any non-physical source, including any aspect of my own awareness.

That wouldn't dissolve anything that was helpful but should disengage me from anything in the sticky layer that I'd at any time unwittingly engaged with. And of course, if I did still manage to initiate another macro-attack I should be able to stop it reasonably quickly by the same means.

Coincidentally, I was writing the original version of this update in mid-September 2018, while that method was under test for the first time. Earlier that month I managed to trigger the beginnings of what I'm reasonably sure was a macro-attack, though it was a complex situation and not possible for me to tell which of two major factors was responsible — but then knowing that really didn't matter, except that I had to go zapping illusory realities associated with both factors as well as doing the 'extricate myself from sticky layer' zapping.

That macro-attack wasn't able to develop much more once I'd done all those zappings (though at least had got fairly disruptive to my sleep), and over about a week or so had reduced to just occasional relatively minor disturbances, that gradually faded out over a few further weeks. My inner inquiry indicated that a more rapid dissolution of a sticky-layer-based macro-attack was unlikely to be possible.

My hiking outings and physical strength — a weird turnaround…?

Over a fair number of years it had become increasingly difficult for me to do my really long walks (17 to 21 miles, and strenuous with it) because of my increasing intolerance to dehydration, which caused premature leg muscle stress, and also because of my muscles' gradually increasing injury-proneness so that almost any strenuous walk with steep and rough terrain would land me with the odd stress pains and indeed minor strains, then requiring that I back off not only from hiking for a brief period but even from the muscle-strengthening physio exercises that I'd been doing.

Indeed, I'd had to abandon certain standard exercises for that decades ago because they consistently gave me actual strains, apparently because I couldn't sense what was a safe maximum force or extension to use.

This year my attempts towards longer hikes have so far all failed, with premature muscle stress and often eventual cramps, which typically would cause slight injury (strains). I have to admit to some despondency over this starting to set in, because I appeared to be doing all I could to rectify or at least mitigate the situation, yet it seemed to be getting worse regardless, not helped too by what could be a persistent virus — perhaps a mild manifestation of ME ('post-viral syndrome').

On 9 September 2018 a weird hitch-hiking encounter, recounted in my Blog Pages (Creepy encounters — and a Red Warning!) put me in touch with what I found to be a most unwholesome very slick website (that of a certain Wim Hof — NOT recommended for a visit!) persuasively promoting a particular 'too-good-to-be-true' inner healing and life improvement methodology that appeared to be one of the many fronts of the cacoprotean network.

As recounted on my Blog page, I was quite shaken up by watching a couple of introductory videos, and when I briefly tried a semblance of his breathing practice, that immediately opened me to garbage attack, and indeed appeared to have initiated the beginnings of a macro-attack (not again, please!).

My own system responded to that harmful challenge, including some newly-acquired rudimentary connections to the cacoprotean network, by causing me to get looking within and at my life situation to see if there were ways I could go further than simply undoing the little bit of harm I'd picked up there, and actually to gain what genuine benefits people were getting from those harmful methods, but from simple use of my own current methodology instead, extended as necessary with fully benign additions.

My inner inquiry indicated that to be at least largely possible, apart from the odd healing effects that could be brought about only by 'special powers' (i.e., 'magic'), with all the problems of garbage involvement that that would bring. It appears that Wim Hof's methods do extend somewhat into the 'magic' arena, even though he is presumably unaware that he is doing anything so unwholesome and actually harmful.

That led to my deciding at long last to declare my Clarity-Sphere setup redundant and use replacement procedures, which I'd already worked out — but that would have to be deferred until I was fully clear of this macro-attack that was starting. Also, I was concerned about my walking ability, suddenly noticing how my lower leg muscles were all now unhealthily shortened because I'd been gradually reducing my stride in an attempt to put less stress on them.

I tried doing one of my short afternoon walks with a longer stride, with each trailing leg NOT going further forward but extending further behind before lifting off the ground. That was giving my rear calf muscles and associated tendons a bit more stretch, which would have previously caused minor strain injury straightaway — and increasing walking efficiency to something more like in the early days of my using the Alexander Technique.

That was a revelation. I got only the odd transient minor stress pains the following day, but no sign of actual injury. So I repeated that more boldly, further increasing the stretching, and again I had a few further aches and pains transiently early the next day, and then nothing.

As well as then incorporating that more calf-stretching mode into all my walking wherever workable, I cautiously started trying standard physio exercises for stretching the major leg muscles, and found in each case that I was no longer getting injury at all, and over even just a few days the muscles were already getting lengthened, giving more leg flexibility.

I don't know at what point the muscles had ceased to be so very injury-prone, as they'd been for decades, but it must have been very recently indeed, for I was still picking up the odd minor strains on even quite modest hikes right up to early this month (September 2018).

It's rather as though the challenge from that alluring but seriously harmful website had caused my system to dissolve some of its blocks and very rapidly enable a restoration of proper leg function — though of course only further hiking over a period would show how much function is really restored or restoring.

Still, getting those muscles less injury-prone and more lengthened and more flexible is an excellent and very promising start. The next hurdle, on hikes, would be to see if the leg muscles remain as dehydration-sensitive as they'd been getting, so that I could extend my distances again.

2023: The 'sticky layer' fixed, or/and the garbage dissolved, and the astral closed — seriously!

In early 2022 I got intimations (via inner inquiry and underlined by certain internal changes I was experiencing) of completion of dissolution of the garbage, closely followed by completion of closure of the astral from all human(-type) 'minds' in the whole of 'Existence', as fruition of Project 'Fix the Human Condition'. That prompted me to take a step back from the 'sticky layer' issue, which still baffled me as to its true nature and apparent intransigence to make proper sense of, and do some more inner inquiry about that, as recounted in Project 'Fix the Human Condition'.

That resulted in almost immediate identification of what the 'sticky layer' really was, plus deeper consciousness then being enabled at once to get to work on a fix for that at a universal level.

Although that is all described on the latter page reference, what is of relevance here is that during and following my working that out and enabling deeper consciousness to set the fix in progress, I no longer had any hint of garbage interference, let alone attack. Nor did I get such effects in early 2023 when I worked out some further universal fixes of less fundamental issues for deeper consciousness to apply (such as a fix to at least greatly minimize and enable one quite rapidly to recover from post-viral syndromes, including 'long covid'). I'd been doing again just the type of action and thought processes that had precipitated my 2015 and 2017 garbage macro-attacks, so something major must have happened for the better between then and 2022!

That strongly suggested that either the garbage no longer existed and so couldn't use the 'sticky layer' (actually a faulty data cache) to enable it to attack me, or/and, the faulty data cache was no longer faulty and so couldn't be used by the garbage anymore if by any chance it did still exist.

I'd also had a piece of pretty compelling evidence that the astral was not only closed off from human minds, but was already beginning to become reconfigured to fulfil its originally intended purpose, as a deep-level scratchpad for our mental creativity processes. A handful of other particularly 'open' and aware people had also reported remarkably similar experiences, with a similar chronology (see relevant Blog entry). — Wow!