Dilemma time! — When your life pursuits and relationships are challenged

One person, who I'll call T, wrote in as follows (slightly edited for clarity), was concerned about what I'd written on this site about the harmfulness of particular types of music, at least when engaged with for long periods in the ways that people usually do.

I wanted to refer to the synthesised sounds and beats. I'm trying to figure a way around this. I'm a DJ / producer and it's what I love to do. It sounds like I might have to give it up, which really devastates me.

Although, my other ideas were:

— Not to write music with headphones on ever again
— Keep it at a low level
— Sit in the Asana position while writing
— Spend no more than an hour a day on the music
— Only have 2 gigs per week maximum!

I do concentrate a lot while I'm on the lap top making music, so I'm being very present in the moment and listening to the beat and sounds and being creative. Also editing / cutting and pasting and writing melodies etc. You'd know yourself with your music writing! Just that mine is dance music.

I just need clarification — is it too risky even though I'm focused and aware of my doings? Will it unbalance my brain function too much even with the set boundaries?

It's my passion, so I'm deeply saddened if I can't do it.

Okay, this person's situation is really just an example of the sort of challenge that pretty well anyone is faced with if they're being honest with themselves and taking on my methods in a dedicated and focused way. At face value this appears to be a virtually insoluble dilemma and source of a great deal of future ongoing personal angst and heartache. — But is it really? In other words, what is it, really, that's causing the angst and heartache? Is the latter really (sic) the reality of the situation? Is it really the self-actualization process that's producing stress and pain?

— Now, have you read this little thingy somewhere before?…

There's a reason why it keeps popping up on this site. Isn't it a clear and scalpel-sharp challenge to the notion that there could be anything intrinsically stressful about a genuine self-actualization process, which, after all, is simply opening you increasingly to perceiving 'What Is' directly — i.e., simply being fully self-honest?! — Things are simply as they are, however they are!

Now, let's look at an example of one 'smart' guy who (sort-of) took on my methods and then found that something in his life was challenged by where that was taking him. Okay, that's about 'relationships', but the basic principles are exactly the same as for likely problematical creative pursuits.

I recount the above not as an indulgence but to make it easier for you to see parallels there in strong challenges that you yourself may be experiencing, and how easy it is to disastrously sabotage your self-actualization process, your life experience and even your life itself, all because you were not willing to be fully open and honest with yourself and address the real issue that needs clearing. It's nothing to do with 'Uncle Philip (who talks to the trees, and also eats babies for good measure) having decreed that doing this or that is unhealthy', but something actually perfectly simple and straightforward.

So, you realize what the real problem is, don't you — attachment!

For this reason it would make no sense at all even to think of addressing your apparently daunting challenge without first dissolving your attachment to whatever you feel to be challenged or threatened by full application of a genuine self-actualization process.

By clearing your attachment to a particular creative pursuit or relationship, habit, addiction or modus operandi in your life, you're NOT forcing yourself to give anything up, but, as with all addictions, as you clear those attachments you're freeing yourself from a prison that has kept your outlook very narrow and restricted, and so enabling yourself to get rational about what are your real 'strong' areas and how they can be best deployed.

So, although this way you're not forcing yourself to give anything up, you'd be enabling yourself to do so, without stress or pain, to whatever extent is for your own genuine best interests. Indeed, your problem so far would have been your emotional attachments forcing you into holding onto the particular activities / relationship(s), so, by dissolving those attachments you're simply ceasing any longer to be forced to keep living in that same distorted manner.

Even attachment to a supposedly greatly healthy pursuit needs to be dissolved — as indeed does attachment to life itself! — Yes, seriously. ALL of that clearance is important. There are NO exceptions. Only without attachments can you be functioning anything like fully and making rational, properly healthy and happiness- and creativity-cultivating choices in your life.

If it appears that the other person in a relationship would commit suicide if you parted with him/her, that's NEVER a valid or helpful reason for staying with that person, who actually needs NOT a comforter but a figurative kick up the arse to get sorting him/herself out! They won't get out of their pitiful situation if you insist on remaining with them as their comforter so that they remain oblivious of what they really need to do in their life! Call their and your own bluff and understand that it's not your fault if the other person does commit suicide (yes, it might happen!).

People do that! It may be unfortunate, but it's just a fact of life! But also, most people who say or imply that they'd commit suicide without you are just using emotional blackmail anyway and so would just go through a lot of guilt-raking wailing and thrashing, which you'd do well to completely turn your back on so that you can begin living a more healthy life and thus become a better role model for others.

To dissolve attachments, generally Grounding Point is my method of choice. However, if the particular attachment is any major issue for you, you'd do best first to use The Work to put the relevant illusory realities / beliefs to methodical inner inquiry before you use Grounding Point. There's a definite advantage in using The Work first if you're using the two, but you'd still gain from using The Work after Grounding Point. The Work helps you consciously understand the true nature of the particular beliefs, which helps you recognise further attachment-related beliefs that come to light in the future, and be more ready to 'zap' them straightaway.

In the case of T's situation, beliefs / illusory realities that would need zapping would no doubt include things like:

Dance music [/DJ work] is the foundation of my life [/all I'm living for], and without it I couldn't continue living [/would be destroyed / annihilated]

— and similar statements relating to particular aspects of her musical pursuit(s).

Note that the beliefs / illusory realities are complete asses and are lurid black-and-white categorical statements without qualification, regardless of how reasonable you think you are. So, the statements of those beliefs / illusory realities need to be accordingly uncompromising and absurd. No 'may' or 'might', but 'will' or, as appropriate 'would'. In other words, if you feel that something nasty might happen to you if you gave up your cherished pursuit, the actual illusory reality knows nothing of 'might' but has been telling you that it will happen.

That is what you need to zap, not any sort of moderated or seemingly 'accurate' version. If you try the latter you'd be sabotaging the process and then could triumphantly pronounce to the world that my methods don't work much for you, and this Philip Goddard guy is a rampant choirboy groper or paranoid schizophrenic or whatever you care to call him, as some people indeed do (at least, the latter)!

Okay, so once you've methodically worked through clearing your attachment, then you come to be in a fit state to work out how to progressively reorganise your life to get the most out of it without the limitations of your previous attachments, and of course still being vigilant for further indications of attachment-related illusory realities that still need zapping.

In T's case, I'm impressed at her attempts to work out various options for changing the way she relates to her dance music / DJ work, and it isn't for me to try to 'help' her over that because her need is indeed to work it all out for herself, though I'd caution against attempts at instant solutions, especially without having got to work yet on the attachment issue. Instant reorganisations are generally based on fear / anxiety and thus would be feeding rather than dissolving the 'attachment stress', and would most likely include some actually poor choices. But once she's actively clearing all that debilitating attachment she'd actually find it nothing more than a bit excitingly weird and strange-feeling at last to be progressively sorting out that whole issue and indeed getting into a much healthier overall balance in her life.

Please note that to do that sorting-out in a genuinely beneficial manner it's really essential to use Helpfulness Testing quite a lot, as well as using your own best reasoning power. If you use only the latter it would almost certainly get swayed by your old attachment patterns even if you've cleared the underlying illusory realities. You need to retrain your brain to function in the newly freed-up more rational mode, and that's where carefully and vigilantly applied Helpfulness Testing comes in (as advisory assistant, not authority) — heeding all the cautions and caveats that I give about using that procedure.

Throughout the process you need to be dedicated to and focused on being fully open-minded, without fixation on any particular outcome. So, T needs to let go of any assumption that she'd be working with dance music or indeed any music in the future, and also any assumptions that she'd NOT be doing so. That's the only way she'd keep her thinking space genuinely unpolluted, to enable her to get rationally and creatively working out what would most beneficially take her forward and enable her to be the most positive influence and indeed role model for other people. She has a tremendous amount to give, and it's this rational approach that ensures that her potential in all walks of her life really is maximally realized.

The sorting-out process also involves trying things out and being willing to learn from what turns out to be problematical, and thus to change course in various details or indeed the overall plan as you observe and understand more deeply and get potentially better ideas with the assistance of your Helpfulness Testing. If you're afraid of making mistakes (most people are, as you're no doubt well aware), then you have at least one illusory reality to zap — namely something like If I make a mistake something terrible will happen [/people will condemn me / I'll be destroyed/annihilated]. 'Mistakes', in reasonable measure, are just an intrinsic part of any really active learning or creative process.

So, by being self-honest and tackling that issue that seemed so daunting to confront or indeed dissolve, you're embarking on a joyful, exciting process of exploration that opens out all sorts of options for an abundant life that you likely hadn't even dared consider before. Isn't that nice!

Self-sabotage — My / our relationship is 'enlightened' and totally unattached!

If you like each other, or believe you both are 'made for each other' or are 'perfect matches', or are 'destined' to be partners, and have come together or are staying together primarily because of that, or of course because you simply don't want to be living 'single', you're still living in some degree of attachment and self-deception mode, and are sabotaging any self-actualization process that would otherwise be running for you. Simple as that. No exceptions!

The healthy way that people can come together is through being mutually involved in projects and constructive / creative activities. Being supposed 'perfect matches' then is no longer particularly significant in terms of your life direction, and is simply something to observe with some amusement and indeed maybe harness temporarily to a measured extent (still maintaining reasonable balance in one's life) while the particular projects keep you together, and isn't something to cling to when you have opportunities for solitude and indeed enjoying encounters / interactions with other people, and to joyfully let go of when you no longer have a project that keeps you together.

Countless people in spirituality and supposed 'self-realization' circles believe their 'relationships' (i.e., pair relationships, almost always male-female) are 'enlightened', unattached and healthy — including the vast majority of so-called 'teachers' / gurus in those circles.

Such people, because they're still in various respects living within a 'spirituality' belief system, find it easy to think their pair 'relationships' are simply an intrinsic part of healthy, 'spiritual' or 'enlightened' living (and are therefore 'good' and 'meant'), and typically have a highly patronizing if not summarily dismissive view of me and my notionally solitary lifestyle and much more penetrating understanding of what's really going on. They've learned 'non-attachment' as a set of rules that they know intellectually but yet aren't (at least fully) implementing in their own lives.

Indeed, in retrospect I can say with some security that their notion of 'non-attachment' is largely what I myself recognise as 'non-engagement with reality'. — Think about that! Definitely way off the rails.

The way for such people to start finding out their true state of affairs is to drop those 'relationships' and go their own ways, and see how (un)comfortable they feel then. The catch then is that most such people would use some type of formal meditation to regain their comfort, so they reinforce their 'comfort zone' cocoon rather than actually address and dissolve the emotional issues that they're carrying that are causing the feelings of loneliness and fear of genuine solitude that keep driving them to want a 'partner' / spouse.

So, having anaesthetized themselves still further by their use of meditation, they convince themselves that when they come together with another prospective partner, they're now no longer subject to attachment and thus the new 'relationship' is definitely healthy and unattached!

I remind that I'm not telling anyone that they should or shouldn't do any particular thing or make any particular choice; I'm talking simply about cause and effect, and thus am being the inconvenient whistle-blower — the Edward Snowden, if you like — of the whole murky arena of supposed life improvement as practised on this beleaguered planet.

Everyone is free to sabotage themselves as much as they like — though it needs to be remembered that all one's choices have consequences, and so simply doing what you like or what feels 'good' or 'wonderful' to you, or is simply your supposed 'birthright', wouldn't only be sabotaging your own self-actualization but also would be having direct and indirect harmful impacts upon other people around you, and indeed upon the overall environment (e.g., procreating, when actually we pressingly need far less, not more, people in the world!).

If you're on a genuine and comprehensive self-actualization process, all the time you'd be cultivating fuller awareness of likely and actual consequences of your actions and outlook, and taking those into account as well as what immediately 'feels right' for you when you make your various life choices. You'd also regularly use Helpfulness Testing to help ensure that your choices were the best for yourself and all others who may be affected.

And of course, as I keep on repeating, genuine methods for clearing out the emotional issues, illusory realities and garbage-sourced interferences that keep driving one into attached relationships, whether with people, objects or pursuits, are right here on this website, free for you to take and use.

I mentioned it as something important in my Alexander Technique introduction long before I even had a 'Spirituality' site, let alone a genuine self-actualization one. Consider this little gem and build it into your overall intrinsic perception of your life experience.

Each time you notice that something appears to be untoward in your life, or is an apparent obstacle for you, that isn't bad news, but GREAT news!

Why? — No, that's not me simply being 'funny'! It's because you've then become aware of something in your life that you can change for the better. Simple as that. Before you were aware of it you were in some way in rather a pickle, even though you'd most likely not noticed that before, and now at last you can at least start addressing the issue and making something much better of your life.

Goodness knows, the garbage sure threw the brown stuff at me quite spectacularly, disrupting my life quite a bit for a few years — but was any of that genuinely a misfortune for me? — Plenty of people think so even now, and, in their ignorance and prejudice, simply dismiss me as seriously flawed or 'damaged goods', or indeed in various less polite terms!

— Nope, it was a tremendous fortune, because of where it was really (inadvertently) leading me. Even though very stressful at the time because I didn't fully understand what was going on during those most 'dark' and at times desperate-feeling 3½ years, every one of those trials and tribulations I was dragged through marked another increment in my learning towards actually starting building up the whole working model and self-actualization methodology that I have now, which really turned my life around in the most positive way and is nowadays turning other lives around every bit as spectacularly via this site.

With a rationally based and rationally applied self-actualization methodology such as I present on this site you're on a win-win 'trajectory'.

Postscript

T read this page and responded with exemplary good sense and clarity, as follows:

Thanks for the new write up in response to my email. I guess you could say, you hit the nail on the head. I've been attached to the thought of being a big DJ or something to do with music for years. Time to let go, dissolve my limiting beliefs, try new things, learn more, experience life to the fullest and see what happens and not stress about the outcome whatever way it may be. Whether it be music or not!

Sounds like she's really 'got it'!

I do have to say, it would be really nice if the aforementioned guy A poked around on this site sometime and read this page. I think he might because he's bound to know something of what a bloody fool he's been over these last few years, and really want to get out of the potentially disastrous (and, for him, presumably acutely embarrassing) hole he'd fallen into. Then here he'd see an example of a sane and sensible approach to the sort of supposed dilemma that he's been frantically avoiding facing up to and resolving, and — who knows? — might even follow T's excellent living example. A nice thought, anyway!

As for that guy calling himself bizarrely 'Lord Steven Christopher Christ', I'm considerably sorry for him in his very serious situation, all the more so because the garbage was clearly attempting to take me myself over and make me operate something like this 'Lord Christ' guy — though by the looks of things the garbage was trying to steer me into more hardcore black magic / Satanism. And in late 2003 the garbage got very close to getting me to rename myself to Melchior Elias, which would have helped lock me into an extremely toxic ungrounded mindset — though in reality I expect if I had renamed myself thus it wouldn't have been long before I'd choked on it and rebelled and discarded that very unhelpful Biblical-sounding name.

I don't know where that guy is based, but I think here in the UK he'd be close to triggering responses from some of the people around him that would get him 'sectioned' under our mental health legislation and forced to have a spell in a psychiatric hospital, where he'd inevitably get 'diagnosed' with some sort of 'schizophrenia' because of his having lost so much touch with 'reality' and being pretty firmly entrenched in his state.

When I myself got hospitalized during my biggest crises the consultant was initially looking hard for signs that I might be showing, which would justify a 'schizophrenia' diagnosis, but he never found sufficient of such signs. Indeed he became quite impressed (in a baffled sort of way) by the way I was clearly seeking to make sense of my tribulations and work my way out of them in a constructive way, and single-handedly brought myself so quickly out of each crisis, becoming more understanding of and articulate about my situation through each of the four hospitalizations, while actually refusing medication as much as I could get away with.

The 'schizophrenia' label, if it belongs on anyone at all, belongs on those who are more or less permanently deeply out of touch with reality in ways that seriously distort their lives and their interactions with the people around them. In at least some such cases there may actually be a physical disorder making it particularly difficult or even sometimes impossible for the affected individuals to properly distinguish between the astral non-reality and 'the physical', even if they attempted to use my methods.

I'd have thought the 'Lord Christ' guy would fall into that category, and indeed, possibly A too, if he doesn't come to his senses and make a clean break from his toxic attachments.