We are all abusers — Understanding required, not condemnation!

It's high time to get rational about this and drop the taboo!

Taboos and condemnation perpetuate the wrongs — Understanding points to solutions…

It's quite amazing how people who appear otherwise to be pretty intelligent get so hot under the collar and completely lose their marbles when the matter of sexual activity of any sort between adults and children raises its ugly head. I've had cause to think a lot about the matter of how adults really need to be relating with children, because at different stages in my life I've personally known three men who felt the desire for sex with young boys.

Those three helped bring home to me the fact that adults who feel sexually attracted to children aren't monsters at all, but people with particular problems, and that regarding them with hostility, condemnation or disgust is merely a sign of some of our own problems and our unwillingness to address the issue in any constructive and thus effective way.

Indeed, as far as I know, two of those three guys I knew were responsible individuals who didn't go inflicting their urges upon any of the individuals who they had 'feelings' for (at least, directly). However, they each had made really problematical career choices, in putting themselves in public jobs in which they were, in their different ways, dealing at least a fair bit with children, and so all the time they were getting stimulation of their cravings.

There was thus always the potential for overt problems to develop, not least because here and there is a youngster who has a pattern of seeking to entice particular adults who they sense might be susceptible, into compromising situations*. Indeed, the first of those three guys (working in a public library) recounted to me occasional occurrences of that sort of thing in his everyday experience, though as far as I know from what he told me he recognised what was going on each time, and maintained a proper boundary, though that sort of thing must have put him under a lot of inner conflict and stress, so was still an issue that needed resolving, not hanging onto.

The second such guy that I knew was overtly a manipulative and pushy individual, who had active connections with paedophile organisations and did speak of some sexual activity he'd had with young(ish) boys, I think all outside this country, and he worked as a schoolteacher here in the UK. His friendship with me was a difficult one because it was clear that he was looking to me as being some sort of comforter and reassurer for him that his own sexual desires and behaviours were 'all right' — a reassurance that I deliberately didn't give him, while being careful not to go criticizing (for that wouldn't have helped him or anyone else).

He was full of a quite passionate belief that youngsters had an inalienable 'right' to 'have sex' with adults, and that such 'sex' was what they were really needing (Ouch!) and being denied by our social conventions and taboos.

He broke off abusively from me after he'd sent me a draft of a manifesto for children's rights, wanting me to give him my comments on and approval of it. — And that manifesto was being produced by — wait for it! — the Paedophile Information Exchange (!!!!).

So naturally, in my comments I explained that the PIE, with its own harmful and manipulative agenda, wasn't a suitable organisation ever to be producing any sort of children's rights manifesto or charter!

I (don't) wonder why I received that angry and abusive response, and indeed, was I glad to see the back of him as any supposed friend! My issue with him was NOT that he felt sexually aroused by children, but that he compulsively behaved in an intrusive and manipulative way — just as much with me as (differently) with other people, children included.

What such individuals really need, as we all do, is aware lovingly rational thought and understanding. Only with true understanding can any problem even begin to be addressed. Condemning may make you feel better, just as farting does, but, unlike farting, it serves a harmful rather than beneficial purpose!

As already intimated, it's been repeatedly brought home to me that there are various people who feel such attractions and yet who are highly responsible people who recognise that they could never sensibly fulfil their inner cravings in real life, and who interfere with no-one*. These people don't make news, so the public image of adults attracted or sexually aroused by children is inevitably based on the irresponsible element who do make news, through seeking to gratify their urges without clear thought about the consequences of their actions.

The real issue here for Joe Public, then, isn't a person's inner sexual attractions, but the matter of outward responsibility and use or misuse of power. And that's true no matter whether the person's sexual attractions are for women, men, boys, girls, porcupines or dead sheep!

In truth, if we stood back and took a broader view, it would be possible to see that we're all to some extent abusing each other and shirking our true mutual responsibility, indulging in all manner of power games and negativities for our own gratification — though admittedly very often by mutual consent.

Every time I put another person down in any way, even in a way that that person likes, or I resist the positive changes that the person needs to make in her life, I'm abusing her. Much of what adults do to children, or indeed to each other in marriage, although socially acceptable and 'normal', is abuse.

We deny a child's innate sense of responsibility. We deny a child's intuitive intelligence and ability and enthusiasm for learning in his own unique ways. We tread on their sense of uniqueness and personal greatness, telling them they're nothing special, are stupid, ordinary and all that. We want them to be whichever way makes us adults comfortable and happens to conform (more or less) to our own belief systems.

Or, to satisfy our own egotistical urges, we drive a child to try and succeed in some material way — to get good marks for school exams, or to develop for a particular career. The development of most children is channelled for a career, to be just another minion in the 'Economy system', not for their actual needs or their special gifts, which latter usually get buried at an early stage.

Children are taught that they're bad if they happen to make their parents or other adults feel uncomfortable. It's truly amazing how much harm apparently 'normal' and supposedly decent parents regularly wreak upon their offspring through just trying to keep themselves comfortable without a thought of how they're restricting the development of their precious ones. That's all child abuse. We're ALL to some extent child abusers.

You think I'm overstating my point? Well, let's take one little example: what's your response to a child crying? Do you use one way or another to stop the crying? Maybe you use a 'nice' way, like cuddling and jiggling and trying to distract the youngster's attention with something nice — but it's still abuse, because, provided any immediate cause of the hurt is removed, the child at that point very likely actually needs nothing less than to cry fully and hard until (s)he stops naturally.

That needs warm, aware, appreciative attention so that the emotional healing process of crying can continue to completion. To stop the crying that's needed, however nicely done, is abuse. Want another example? You stick a youngster into religion — into Sunday school, for example? Or you deny them genuine, aware self-actualization / self-realization by stuffing materialism in some form down their throats? That's all abuse too: trying to constrain their awareness and get them hooked on some belief system, whether it's theistic, atheistic, mystical, New-Age, materialist-reductionist, 'Harry Potterism', or something else again.

We certainly need strong judicial measures to stop child abusers from carrying out their harmful behaviour. However, what we don't need — and indeed it only feeds the negativity and lack of loving care for each other in our cultures — is the personal wishing of harm upon the offenders. Let the judicial system do its work. If it's not working well, then it needs improving.

If you really feel that you must spend energy in condemnation, then at least let that condemnation be of the behaviour, not the person. The vigilante and lynch mob mentality has no place in a civilized culture. Those of us with children naturally have especial cause for a certain caution about possible child abusers, but having children is no justification at all for our wishing harm upon anyone whether or not they're child abusers.

Various people have heatedly argued at me to the effect that because they have children, their angry and even murderous attitudes are justified and the likes of me don't know what we're talking about. That's really primitive, unaware behaviour, which helps nobody — and such parents are being horrendously bad role models for their children, who will pick up those attitudes even if they aren't spelt out for them.

If we feel angry about some offender, then that's because we already had that anger stored in our mind so that it gets restimulated, and the need is to heal or clear ourselves of the original cause of that anger (which may well not be our own but actually sourced from parasitic lost souls attached to us, or/and our connections to particular primary archetypes, together with garbage interference), and clear it completely from our whole being.

Stored anger and harsh negatively judgmental habits, whether recognised or not, are a potent cause of long-term and potentially serious ill health, so for our own physical health, quite apart from lifestyle and ethical considerations, it's important to clear every bit of the stored anger out of our systems. Then we're not only healthier and better able to enjoy life, but also are able to apply our minds with much more clarity and deep understanding.

In the past I was amazed and disquieted to find that even some people who were supposedly highly developed 'healers', who seemed otherwise to have all the right ideas and awareness*, would lose their marbles at any suggestion of real understanding towards those who've sexually abused children. They were all hanging on to the idea that their uptightness over the issue is 'natural' and therefore can't be worked through and released — and implied that there was something very wrong about my own view of the need for aware understanding of such people's issues.

So, especially for those criticizers' benefit, I quote (with his emphatically expressed permission) from somebody who was himself so abused and, far from being irreparably damaged, actually used the experience to positive advantage. This gives the lie to the ubiquitous idea that forgiveness — or better, aware, loving acceptance — must exclude people who've abused children.

…I'm now realising that there are no bad lessons in life, knowing that this awareness gives one strength to carry on. For instance I'll give you an example. When I was three my father raped me and then threw me down a flight of stairs. It is something that I'd had hidden in the depths of my mind for so long, then last year things started to happen to me and I started to come to terms with the past (always painful!). I went to a sweat lodge ceremony in July. In the ceremony you thank your ancestors and parents for the past and the way you were brought up.

Well, I learnt from that one of the ways I was going to grow and move forward was to acknowledge that my father had brought me up the only way he knew how, and that for him to move forward in the spirit world I had to forgive him of the things he did. I can't say it was easy but over a two week period I did forgive him, and I couldn't believe the results. I felt a huge weight come off my shoulders; I felt like I was free, it was and is wonderful. And what's even more wonderful is that I feel my father can now get on with things and feel free at long last. See what I mean — even from bad comes good, and even when feeling low all one has to do is remember that we have Spirit with us and that every thing that happens is for a reason.

Ian Dixon

Ian specifically asked me to include his name here, to demonstrate that he isn't ashamed of what happened, and to play his part in punching holes in the cruel taboo that's placed by our cultures upon the subject.

So, when it comes to the widespread judgmental and usually hostile attitudes towards those regarded as child abusers, it needs to be understood that those attitudes are themselves part of the problem. There's a very apt saying attributed to the historical man who became known posthumously as Jesus, who isn't one who I'd usually quote:

How can you look for the splinter in your brother's eye and not notice the stick in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, Let me remove the splinter in your eye, when you don't see the stick in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the stick from your own eye, and then you can see to remove the splinter that's in your brother's eye.

That 'Jesus' guy may have got all sorts of other things wrong or distorted, but nonetheless the above quote does appear to be particularly apt*!

The real, practical way forward

I can now point to spectacularly simple and easy, yet powerful and direct, means for you speedily to cut through ALL your beliefs, judgements, stressful thoughts and uptightnesses and get into full alignment and harmony with the true and very positive, life enhancing nature of reality or 'What Is', so that you can always respond to all situations out of a loving plain down-to-earth common sense and never out of anger, uptightness and hostility, and be happy in your life and radiate love and that happiness to all around you.

You can find those means in the methods that I present in Healing and self-actualization — The safest and quickest way. I'd draw attention in particular to the value of getting using The Work.

For anyone who experiences sexual desires towards children and wishes to start addressing the conflicts and disharmony and overall stress that that's causing in their lives, then again a really helpful set of methods is available right here on this site. Generally speaking, the starter page I'd recommend for such people (as well as for everyone else!) is Crisis emergency self-help — Life upturn the SMART way — and that's regardless of whether or not they actually consider themselves to be in crisis, because that page gives a concentrated 'crash course' in getting into the right mindset to enable the life-turnaround methods to be properly effective.

…And for 'mental health' or penal institutions dealing with individuals with paedophile issues, I strongly recommend How all psychiatrists could begin genuinely to help their clients, which starts giving them the understandings they really need in order to be able to assist people with compulsive paedophiliac or other seriously anti-social behaviours, who aren't motivated to sort themselves out even when pointed to this website.