My Own Self Realization Path
(formerly entitled 'My Own Self Healing Path')

Introduction

This page was originally entitled My Self Healing Path, but I now consider it healthier to let go of the whole notion of 'healing' and think in the much more positive term of 'self realization' instead - a bit like regarding the glass of water as half full rather than half empty, except actually there's MUCH more to it than that, as becomes clear as this account unfolds particularly in the updates from September 2007 onwards (on Page 2). However, I'm leaving intact most of my earlier references to healing in order that search queries for healing and self healing will still find this page.

Important note (October 2007)

I now understand that most of what self healing methods are mentioned below, from the time I got into spiritual healing, and the 'spiritual reality' associated with them, are highly problematical because they are involved in the agenda of the astral ('dark') forces to keep us in illusion (and indeed to varying extents controlled by astral entities) and lure us away from the simple path to true, full self realization which would free us from all power / control agendas ('the dark forces').

Thus the following account is very much of how the astral forces sought repeatedly to sidetrack me and how, bit by bit, I pulled myself out of all that jungle, freeing myself from astral ('dark') interference and influence. It is important, therefore, that readers do not jump to quick conclusions from particular parts of the following about what my own outlook is now, nor indeed on what any 'higher reality' may really be.

Some of the information on this page has appeared in other writings on this site, but here my aim is to bring it all together into a coherent whole, so that people can get ideas most readily to assist them on their own self healing paths. Where possible I keep the length of this page to a minimum by referring the reader to accounts, descriptions and explanations which I've given on other pages - so the links I give are important ones which need following up to get the full picture.

I want to emphasize that, as explained below, I followed a particularly tough self healing path in this lifetime, with only very belated recourse to painless fast track methods. I am not suggesting that anyone else should follow my own route - no matter whether all or even any of it - though I think many will find some helpful pointers for themselves.

Inevitably this page will give further ammunition to those who seek to dismiss or discredit me, pointing to this as yet another piece of rambling on about myself on a mega-ego trip. On the other hand others will see this page as another example of my being prepared to fearlessly use anything in my life process as 'demonstration model' for the benefit of others - which indeed is my intention. How many other spiritual or healing teachers tell you openly and honestly about their own self healing / self realization path in its fullness so that you could learn from that? I don't know of any, though there must be some. I hope that others will take some leaves from my book and do this themselves.

Up to my emotional crisis

My childhood tribulations were in a sense part of my healing path, because in the long term they were drawing my attention to issues which needed attention. Born in 1942, I had the most troublesome night terrors and torments up to the age of six. I felt immensely lonely and often sad. I was bullied and ridiculed at school, and sought solace in my natural history interest, getting away frequently to local public woodlands to collect insects, which were central to my interest, and, later, lizards and snakes.

At puberty I discovered masturbation and then soon became frightened as I came to realize that my erotic feelings were all towards people of my own gender. The social environment at that time was pervasively homophobic, so I felt that I could not reveal my so-called homosexuality to anyone and was terrified of anyone finding out. 

About that time I woke up to my deep music interest and connection, when I heard Stravinsky's Petrouchka for the first time - it hit me like a bombshell and had me electrified. Yet my response to this awakening was to keep it to myself and hide my musical interest from virtually everyone until after I'd left home in 1967. Even during my last years at school, increasingly I had music composing itself in my mind, but again I hid this fact from everyone and in any case I'd not learnt to read or write music, so could not act on it at all.

All these experiences compounded my increasingly desperate feeling of loneliness. Once I'd moved from home for a job at the Animal Virus Research Institute at Pirbright in Surrey, I 'came out' about my musical interest and started collecting records, exploring pretty well exclusively 20th Century music, as I didn't feel much resonance with the earlier music that I heard played so much. So, although I was getting some more sharing of interest with my few friends, I was still out on a limb with my own particular musical interest and tastes, and longed to meet others with whom I could really share such music and the deep experiences I had.

A growing pressure to heal

In 1971 two crucial things happened for me. First, there was a local performance (in Guildford) of Bohuslav Martinu's powerful choral work, The Epic of Gilgamesh. This shook me up emotionally a good deal. I then bought the Penguin edition of the legend known as The Epic of Gilgamesh, and felt unprecedentedly strong emotion as I read it, being on the verge of crying, though valiantly not allowing that to happen because I'd grown up with the notion that adults don't cry except when a 'breakdown' occurs. However, that legend seemed to have loosened something up, for my longings were coming increasingly to the surface and the underlying emotional pain was also pressing at me increasingly.

Later in 1971 I took a bold step and recognised that I was feeling so lonely and devoid of real friends that I had nothing to lose in 'coming out' about my being 'gay'. Then I started meeting 'gay' men and was revolted at the superficial, unloving, manipulative attitudes and behaviour manifested by those 'gay' men who I encountered, and soon withdrew from that whole scene, resolving not to meet anyone on the basis of their sexual orientation or indeed their gender. That was all very well, but it left me isolated again. I intuitively knew from deep within myself the sort of relationships that were meaningful to me (apparently true soul mate relationships), and I'd learnt from experience that my whole being was not going to settle for less, even if it meant my remaining on my own for quite some time to come.

During the summer of 1972 I was beginning to feel desperate, for increasingly I felt close to crying, but believed that I mustn't because that would mark a breakdown, and I was terrified of any such happening. My whole body ached with the weight of crying that seemed to be forcing its way to the surface. I felt pure horror at the way people around me were prepared to go to a doctor or hospital and be drugged or otherwise 'treated' to change their mental or emotional state, and had no intention of following their misguided example. I became increasingly frightened as it seemed that I was indeed heading for a 'breakdown'.

I'd read about encounter groups and thought that getting into one of them could be the answer, and so I asked a recently acquired local friend with a lot of social contacts whether there were any encounter groups in Guildford where I was living then. It turned out that there wasn't an encounter group, but there was a group with some similarities which was going to start that October at Surrey University, in Guildford - the second British ongoing fundamentals class in Re-evaluation Counselling (RC).

The class was not due to start for a few weeks but at least I was able to buy a book about RC - The Human Side of Human Beings by Harvey Jackins (the founder of RC). Upon reading that I felt my first 'homecoming' feelings, for here was an explanation of how experiences mis-store in the memory when trauma occurs and isn't released at once, and how trauma (Jackins used the term 'distress') accumulates but could all be released (healed) retrospectively through crying, trembling, etc. Not only was it an explanation, but it was one that made total sense to me, and I suddenly had real hopes for RC and for myself. At last I understood that, if that book was correct, far from heading into a breakdown, I was about to start an intensive healing and recovery process which would lead me into new and very positive areas of experience and functioning.

This discovery increased still further my internal pressure, and I fled from my research job at Pirbright, needing time and space to sort my issues out. With the first meeting of the class still a week away, I was desperate, wanting to get started with some crying but not knowing how to open the floodgates on my own. I managed to book an RC session with the secretary of the class teacher, who I shall call P.

Re-Evaluation Counselling

So, in that first session of mine, which P was giving to me on the basis that sometime later on I'd give her an exchange session, the two of us were sitting, facing each other, holding hands. I said I knew that I needed to cry and cry, and at this stage just wanted to find out how to use RC to enable that to happen. She invited me to choose something to start talking about - and it came to me to recount a dream (in the present tense) which I remembered from the age of about five or six, which involved an intense feeling of loss, separation and subsequent loneliness.

There was a point in my recounting the dream when my voice wavered upon saying a particular phrase. With a warm, appreciating smile, P at once interjected: "Say that again!". And the moment I started saying it again the floodgates opened and I cried. In fact on that occasion I didn't cry for very long, but I felt the most extraordinary sensations, as this release had changed the configuration of my whole energy system (not that I knew of such things as energy systems then). I felt a powerful tingling up my spine, over my scalp and in my arms and hands, and this lasted for perhaps half an hour, gradually tailing off.

That night my mind was in a tremendous tumult and I didn't sleep a wink. The mental tumult was a massive sifting and re-evaluation, as all manner of my life experiences and thoughts and feelings up to that time were reviewed in my mind and seen in the new light of my having found a way through - and indeed a way to eventually realize many if not all of my deepest longings rather than simply become 'cured' and 'normal'. My heart was thumping with the excitement throughout that night.

The basic practice of RC, then, is a particular type of peer co-counselling, in which, normally, the time of a session is divided into equal halves, with one person being client for the first half and then roles being switched at half time. The person who is in 'counsellor' role does not give advice or opinions, but gives warm loving support instead. RC counsellors learn to smile supportively and appreciatingly when the 'client' gets into difficult-feeling material and when emotional release occurs. The aim is NOT for the client to say things which the counsellor thinks are 'right', but for him to achieve emotional release.

The counsellor's role does involve an active element because very often the client needs to be directed to say something again, perhaps in a different way, in order to break the 'control pattern' and allow release to occur. Or it may be necessary for the counsellor to find a phrase for the client to say or a simple action to do, which contradicts a particular negative pattern which is operating at that point and preventing emotional release.  Otherwise the client can go rabbiting on talking and talking with little or no emotional release. The client's giving an interesting or entertaining talk in sessions is NOT what RC is about.

The ultimate aim in RC is not to become 'cured' in the conventional sense, and 'normal', but to enable one's whole self to manifest, for, apart from the effects of trauma, we are naturally positive, happy ('zestful' in RC jargon), loving, dynamic, alert, clear-thinking and flexible. Thus through RC we become far from normal, but in the very best sense - because at the present time normality actually implies a normal set of malfunctions and limited functioning. Even people who are widely regarded to be well adjusted and 'doing fine' are in most cases operating on only a small proportion of their true potential which can be manifested through ongoing practice of RC.

Increasing frustrations

In the group sessions I sometimes cried intensely (particularly when I focused on The Epic of Gilgamesh), but I became increasingly frustrated that people in the group would get upset or uptight at my crying so much or so intensely, so preventing me from continuing. An upset or uptight counsellor is no good to man nor beast. In the group we chose partners for one-to-one co-counselling sessions during the week in between class meetings. Again I became frustrated because I found that my regular counselling partner was both resistant to his own emotional release and also could not support me through the intensive crying that I knew I needed to do. I was so determined that I still managed to do some crying, but often it felt no better than doing it myself with no assistance. I subsequently had other counselling partners, but I rarely felt I was getting the level of aware support which I needed in order to get really strong and sustained emotional release.

I quite soon gave up attempts to bring up the Gilgamesh legend in counselling sessions - even though that could elicit my deepest and most intense crying. The other RC-ers clearly did not really understand what RC was about and had learnt some rules and techniques without real understanding. So, if I started crying about the Gilgamesh legend (or Kafka's story Metamorphosis, which also made me cry with similar intensity) the counsellor would soon interrupt and say something like "Well, now I think it's about time you worked on some real material. Now, try saying "I'm living completely in present time!". I completely failed to get it through to these unaware people that the point of RC sessions was not for the client to do what the counsellor felt was 'right' but for him to do what achieved maximum emotional release, and sustained it, even for a full hour.

As I know in hindsight, there was an overriding reason why I needed to cry my guts out over The Epic of Gilgamesh, for sustained periods time and time again. Whether it reflected a past life trauma of mine or, say, simply an archetype with which I was connected, I have no means of knowing and it really makes no difference. Past lives or being connected to archetypes, or indeed any emotional issues sourced from outside one's own traumas and stresses in the current lifetime, however, were not recognised in RC. I do not yet know for sure why the story Metamorphosis had a similar effect upon me, but it was still very important for me to work on it, precisely because it made me cry so much and thus was clearly releasing some emotional issue which I was carrying.

Later note (January 2007) - I now know that there was a very specific and unusual reason for the huge weight of emotional trauma material pushing for release - and it was something I had no inkling about before 2006. More about that further below.

I certainly wasn't going to stick with one partially satisfactory group meeting and one usually unsatisfactory one-to-one session per week, so I had pretty well daily emotional release sessions on my own, where I was effectively my own counsellor. In these sessions (usually lasting a half- to one hour) I could often do the sort of sustained crying that I really needed to, though I was well aware that I was working within a strong isolation and loneliness pattern and therefore these sessions were not as healing and liberating as they'd have been if I'd been working with a really supportive counselling partner of a similar level of awareness to my own, and the intensity of the crying was usually less than I'd have experienced with truly aware support. Various other RC people warned me against 'doing it' on my own, but they were voicing their own ignorance and unawareness, and I disregarded them. It wasn't as though they were offering any positive assistance; they were just wanting to pull me down to their level.

I attended occasional national and international RC workshops and at those, here and there I had really wonderful co-counselling sessions where I'd managed to get paired up with somebody really supportive. On the other hand I had many troublesome encounters with tiresomely unaware people too, so overall it was all rather a fraught experience for me, even though I was also very excited at finding myself in a worldwide community that was dedicated to realization of full human potential - love, clear thinking, zestfulness and all that. This appeared to be my way forward, whatever the difficulties caused by the widespread lack of awareness or deep understanding within the RC community of what RC was really about.

One tremendous thing for me in the RC community - whether at workshops or with local RC-ers - was that it was the done thing to embrace warmly and awarely on meeting and parting (and at other times as one felt moved to do so). This was often marred, however, by the fact of everyone being made to feel obliged to hug, so that hugs were often something of a ritual, not having a healthy spontaneous and warm, 'meant' quality, and this problem was compounded by the ritual of being expected to say a nice, appreciative thing ('validation' in RC jargon) to the person you were hugging. Saying nice, positive things to each other was great in principle, but if it was being done out of a sense of duty its positive effect was at best reduced and all too often actually reversed to transmit a negative message.

This meant that many hugging experiences were degraded by unawareness in the hugs and the tiresome duty of having to find something positive to say to the other person, and of course all too often having unaware and unhelpful 'validations' said to oneself. Because that was usually not spontaneous and it was often evident that the person was having a struggle to find something really appropriate and positive to say, this was a detail that regularly made my heart sink. It would have been so much better if people had been urged to be much more flexible about such things and to say nice things to people only when they came naturally and could be really meant and felt. A warm, truly aware hug is a tremendous mutual appreciation without any words needing to be said.

RC didn't recognise any spiritual dimension to life, and, on the surface, neither did I, and I had no connections with overtly spiritual people and so had no idea that RC, when applied fully and with deep awareness, was a powerful spiritual path.

It turned out that our class teacher in Guildford was actually teaching a serious distortion of RC, putting a big emphasis on set exercises in our class meetings. Set exercises are alien to RC because they have nothing to do with paying attention clearly and precisely to where the client is at and what that particular client needs to do in order to achieve emotional release and healing of their particular traumas. Ironically, set exercises would be more the thing to do in encounter groups, which I now understood would very likely have screwed me up rather than helped me. I therefore thank my lucky stars that RC came to Guildford at just the right time and 'rescued' me from the prospect of encounter groups.

Then another teacher took over the ongoing class, and she at least made the classes more authentic as RC classes, but she lacked the level of awareness that I longed for in order to be able to move faster myself. Another teacher eventually took over, but she was similarly very lacking in deep awareness and supportiveness for my level of working, so my frustration continued.

Breaking of patterns

An important development in RC was a growing recognition of the importance of breaking rigid patterns of behaviour and outlook in our everyday lives, as by taking positive steps in our lives to contradict and dismantle these patterns we could free up old traumas for emotional release, and when things were done this way the release could be very intense but relatively brief, so making the whole process much more positive and efficient.

An early bit of pattern breaking for me, in early 1973, came when, as one of the set exercises in the group, we were paired up and then each directed to ask the the other person to do some small appreciative thing for one, to bring or manifest at the following week's group session. The young woman who was paired up with me then asked me to write a poem for her.

That opened the floodgates of my creativity. I'd never before thought of poetry as something I could do, yet suddenly I found myself writing down the most amazing and original outpourings. Many of these were not well formed and clearly represented too much of a working-out of my old negative emotions to be worth keeping long-term as worthwhile literary writing, but even after severe purges later on I have kept a core of about a quarter of these works, a selection of which are presented on this site. In many of my poems I was intuitively practising symphonic music composition processes - in particular the fluid application of 'motivic metamorphosis' which characterizes the mature music of Vagn Holmboe.

As part of my more forward-looking, pattern-breaking approach to RC, having been to a performance of Benjamin Britten's War Requiem and been greatly moved by it, I set myself a long-term goal of actually singing in that very work. Superficially that seemed impossible because of my not being able to sight-read music notation, not to mention my strong embarrassment about being heard singing, and also the War Requiem was an intimidatingly large and challenging work to perform. But that apparent impossibility was part of the point of the exercise, because it was starting to focus me on breaking the patterns which were preventing me from getting involved musically. In other words the important thing was not whether I would ever get to sing in the War Requiem, but rather, the direction and positive processes that were set in motion by having that ultimate target, which in any case would be subject to review and amendment according to how my life developed.

So, following from that, one positive step that I took which was really dramatic for me was, in autumn 1975, to join the Surrey University Choir, which operated at the University in Guildford. To many people that would be nothing special, but for me, to go to my first rehearsal with that choir was the most courageous thing I'd done up to that time (and indeed probably remained so until my dark-force sourced ordeals of 2003/7).

As I set out from my flat for that first rehearsal (for Bach's Christmas Oratorio) I was shaking like a demented jelly, feeling as though a most horrifying death were just round the corner for me, and all manner of dark and scary feelings and thought voices were urging me to stop and go back to my flat. But I persisted, and came to sing regularly in amateur choirs ever since (apart from the 2003/4 and 2004/5 seasons, when I was preoccupied with my ordeals, of which more further below). It turned out that I didn't need to be able to sight-read the music because during rehearsals I was able to pick up my part from others around me and the choirmaster would help the different choir sections on the piano. So I was able to learn my notes well enough to get through.

My move to Exeter in October 1976 resulted from another 'positive direction' that I had set for myself to take me forward. In February 1976 I had my first attack of flu in my adult life, and it was a full-blown severe attack. I'd long dreaded getting flu again, for I remembered how in my teens I'd had such horrible depressive emotional feelings while ill with the flu. So this time I set myself a strategy of resting comfortably while really ill and allowing all depressive and negative thoughts to surface for observation, and I contradicted each one, as it arose, with its positive opposite. Many of the depressive thoughts were about my life situation then and its apparently not leading me anywhere, and so this led to my working out a major step which could open up all sorts of possibilities for the future. I decided that I'd apply to go to a university to study belatedly for a first degree. My feelings were all saying "No, no, NO! I can't!", but I was clear that my reasoned decision would rule. And so it came about that I moved to Exeter, to study there for my degree. So, for that big step I have to thank a severe bout of flu!

I made a rough estimate that from my commencement of RC in 1972 up to my move to Exeter at the beginning of October 1976 I had done about 500 hours of crying, and had spent a similar amount of time in other releases such as laughter and trembling.

And now in Exeter...

In Exeter I found a local RC ongoing class and joined it, only to suffer increased frustration, as these people were all colluding in avoiding working through their more deeply ingrained material - what Harvey Jackins called 'chronic patterns'. These people were on edge about me, for they felt threatened by my determination to work through my own deepest and most ingrained material. To skip the details, in 1980 I was excluded from the group with the highly dishonest excuse that I myself had a pattern that made RC unsuitable for me. What they could not face doing was to be honest and admit that they were afraid of working at the sort of depth at which I wanted and needed to work, and they simply didn't want me in the group - indeed they were really an unsatisfactory group for me rather than the converse.

I did consider going to the top and contacting Harvey Jackins to fight the group's decision, but I realized that that would not work, for I would have been seen as an aggrieved person out on a limb and with a chip on my shoulder and therefore would have been seen to be unsuitable to be in such a group anyway.

So, I felt deeply hurt - indeed betrayed by the very people who supposedly represented a liberating direction for me. This situation remained then over the years. Occasionally I'd have solitary sessions of emotional release, but had nobody to give me any support - and I felt a sort of dark cloud hanging over me from the betrayal of the RC people - a crushing injustice which it seemed that I was powerless to do anything about. I still had no idea that there were any other healing avenues for me where emotional release would be welcomed.

I had and still have absolutely nothing against RC - except that in practice most RC-ers are too wrapped up in their own ingrained trauma-based patterns of outlook to understand RC properly and use it awarely [and - later note - I now know that there are much speedier and more efficient and painless methods for emotional clearance or healing]. And RC needs to let go of its tiresome little bits of jargon, which set up a barrier for many people. Words such as 'validation' (saying nice, positive things about someone), 'discharge' (emotional release or healing) and 'distress' (emotional trauma or stress) all in my experience set up barriers when I sought to explain about RC to people. The use of jargon is completely out of place in a method that is all about our reclaiming our intrinsic flexibility, and nowadays I do not use the RC jargon words, even though I use the insights and often methods of RC in my everyday life without putting a label on them, and promote RC on this site.

In this period (1980-92) I felt to be lost and drifting, and did my best to ignore the dark cloud of my having been excluded from the RC community. I put my attention more on other, positive things - my hiking, my annual spring visits to the Scottish Highlands for walking on the mountains, my giving adult education classes in natural history using my own nature photos, and indeed my doing intensive nature photography on my many hikes. I also wrote occasional short stories. Then in 1990 I discontinued doing the adult education courses and one-off slide talks (and indeed the intensive photography) and instead concentrated on writing highly unorthodox novels. All these developments I saw as part of a continuing opening up and breaking of restrictive patterns of outlook, so, even though I was not so often having emotional release sessions I had not 'lost the thread' and still very much felt committed to positive changes in my life. It just seemed that my whole life process was in enforced solitary mode, with no support to get things moving any faster with regard to my emotional healing.

I was regularly singing in Exeter University Choral Society right up to 2000, and imagine my amazement and joy when in 1985 they chose to perform Britten's War Requiem - the fulfilment of that impossible-seeming goal that I'd set for myself back in 1974! It was terrifyingly difficult to learn and perform, but WHAT an experience! And little did I know then that I'd sing in that work twice more, not many years after that, with Exeter College Choral Society.

Of course, it was interesting that I'd so soon achieved what had seemed to be an ultimate and probably unrealizable goal for my life. What exciting and even spectacular advances still lay ahead, then?

Alexander Technique

In 1990 I began to get ominous clicks in my neck, and then my neck started aching. I tried to counter these things by using the (actually harmful) McKenzie exercises for the back and neck, but any improvements were short lived and my neck got worse. By the end of 1992 it was getting very troublesome ('advanced cervical spondylosis' was diagnosed from an x-ray) and I was really frightened, for the medics and physiotherapists clearly had no clue and I felt abandoned with what was surely going to make me a cripple in next to no time. I was starting to tell friends and acquaintances that I'd have to give up hiking there and then because my neck hurt so much after each hike.

It was then that one of those acquaintances recommended the Alexander Technique (AT), mentioning a centre in Exeter where I could take lessons, and also pointing out that there were books on the AT, so I could read up about it before committing myself. I promptly looked out and bought a particular book which 'stood out from the crowd' of AT books. It was Your Guide to the Alexander Technique by John Gray, published by Gollancz.

As with The Human Side of Human Beings, reading this book was a homecoming experience for me, for it made so much sense of what had up to that point seemed so baffling and indeed tormenting for me.

What is the AT, then? It is a mental discipline that allows you to progressively undo your lifelong accumulation of habits of body misuse. That misuse includes all chronic tensions, slumpings, distortions and the excess effort which we put into just about every movement and indeed position.

What is not officially stated about the AT is that at a more fundamental level it is a process of recognising and interrupting habitual tendencies, which can be purely mental ones with no obvious related body misuse.

Having read the book, at once I booked some AT lessons, being convinced that this would not only address the pressing physical issues but also had the potentiality to take me on a new path of sorting out my life, taking over where RC had left off. However, it was coming up to Christmas and I had to wait some three weeks before my first lesson. Was I going to wait for three weeks before even starting to sort out this urgent issue of my spine?

Hell I'd wait! I well understood the AT from the book, and at once started experimentally doing the lie-downs which are the main thing that you overtly 'do' (the technique itself really being in the way you use yourself in everyday life rather than in any exercises). The point of the lie-downs is to retrain the body to let go of all the excess tensions and distortions and to experience good alignment without any of the habitual interference.

For those three weeks up to my first lesson I was having 12 to 14 of these lie-downs per day. I got uncomfortable if I lay like that for long, so I reckoned that a large number of shortish lie-downs would fit the bill best for me. In retrospect I think that it was probably much more beneficial done this way than the normally recommended one or two lie-downs per day of about 20 minutes.

In the first week, each time I lay down (on my back, with head on a rest and legs somewhat drawn up so that the knees were raised) I was aware that there remained a space under my lower back, which latter remained arched. At the end of that first week, during one of the lie-downs that arching of my lower back released and my back flattened against the floor - a tremendously blissful feeling. Also, I felt muscles in my upper back releasing and allowing the shoulder blades to move apart - again a wonderful blissful feeling.

That marked the beginning of the physical release process, but also, with those first physical releases I was feeling in my everyday life a great feeling of emotional relief - as though I'd been released from a whole level of deep anxiety. This tallied with my understanding that emotional issues - even some deeply ingrained ones which are difficult to address in RC - are locked up in physical tensions or distortions, so if these physical issues are released, then the related emotional issues are released also. What I didn't know was whether that meant full release of those emotional issues or simply partial release or/and freeing them up so that the underlying emotional trauma could be more readily healed with ordinary emotional release. I think in practice it's a bit of each.

I still needed the lessons really, for there were certain aspects of the RC which are best learnt directly from a teacher rather than just from a book, so I went ahead with my RC lessons. Initially I had a teacher who was teaching an abomination of the technique even though he was fully qualified as an RC teacher. He was making each lesson a process of trying to get things right, which was screwing me up, and I knew this was wrong and told him so. I then switched to another, excellent teacher at the same centre, who made each lesson feel to be a joyful journey of self discovery rather than trying to get anything right. This was important, because you let go of your habitual interferences in your body use not through trying to let go (a tense attitude which maintains the problems) but by observing (without judgement) how you are interfering with yourself and then allowing yourself to act differently.

The AT saved my hiking there and then, and I continued going on my hikes, indeed with a greater sense of ease than ever, for with the AT I'd learnt a much easier and less stressful way of walking. I also felt progressively lighter emotionally, and when I thought of the local RC group who'd excluded me, my immediate thought was "Let them eat cake! They know not what I know!". One of the wonderful things about the AT used instead of RC was that it was a method that you learn to do yourself, and once you've learnt it you continue to practice it, not as a named method or technique but simply as a better way of living. Thus after your initial lessons you were not dependent on any sort of partner or co-worker and your progress depended simply on your own mastery of the AT and you own motivation for positive change in your life.

After my series of 15 lessons (10 weekly, then 5 monthly), that was it for me as far as lessons were concerned because I hadn't the money to keep spending on them. But in any case I'd fully integrated the AT into my life and had really no cause to keep having lessons. I settled on 4 lie-downs per day - one after each mealtime and one short one before going to bed. Doing it this way I wouldn't get neglectful about having the lie-downs as most people seemed to. The lie-downs were part of every day's schedule and linked to other scheduled activities so that they would not get forgotten.

I still allowed myself occasional sessions of emotional release, but these were mainly when some person or situation had restimulated some old trauma material of mine (or in other words I was feeling upset in some way), so I'd then use emotional release to enable myself to clear the 'upset' as quickly as possible and use it as a healing opportunity for another little chunk of my buried emotional trauma material.

More pattern breaking

As part of my opening up and pattern breaking I joined a small local amateur drama group, which was a bit shambolic but did give me some enjoyable challenge, and it got me among some more people. I stayed in it for a few years until the following development engaged most of my attention...

In 1995, following a modest computer upgrade, I commenced my music composition work, starting with my First Symphony. It felt to be a great healing in itself, at last to be composing major and indeed powerful music works after all this time of feeling so isolated with my internal music which I'd been unable to share with anyone. I was able to do all my composing on the computer without having to sight-read music notation; I could play back any note, phrase or whole passage at a click of the mouse, with all the correct instrument sounds, so I knew exactly what I was putting together.

I still didn't overtly recognise that I was on a spiritual path, for I did not understand that emotional healing, pattern breaking and positive life change were actually the most fundamental spiritual practices - not devotion, meditation, rarefaction and esoterica. (In fact a lot of people are unaware of that important fact.) I did feel increasingly, however, that some sort of spiritual element was emerging in some of my music, even though on the surface I wasn't really sure what spirituality was. I recognised that I was light years away from religion as I knew it. I also suspected that my own lifestyle and outlook were getting close to Buddhism, even though I had yet to learn anything much of the latter.

Also, especially during 1996, at times when I was walking about in town or having one of my lie-downs I would get a faint impression of the top of my head expanding into a whitish or light blue light, and this had about it a feeling of warmth and peacefulness. I assumed that this was something to do with spirituality, but my intuition was not to dwell on it and just to carry on my life as it was until I was somehow guided to do differently.

Enlightenment and Dzogchen

Then, on the evening of New Year's Day 1997, when in the middle of composing the last movement of my 6th Symphony - which movement was intended to be a celebration of spiritual enlightenment - I myself became enlightened. This is recounted in detail in my article Crossing the Threshold of Enlightenment. I then immediately recognised, to my utter amazement, that I was not only on a spiritual path but on a very high one indeed. I then understood that my thoroughgoing use of the AT had been cultivating everyday mindfulness - a way of being that is highly prized in Buddhism and is regarded as a normal prerequisite for enlightenment to occur. In fact I had been cultivating this mindfulness to quite an extent even when I was in the RC community - in particular when I was (so frequently) having my solo RC sessions, when I would observe so much of what was going on in my mind and interact with it as though I were a second person - a peaceful and loving observer and guide.

From that point on I was following the simple but powerful practice of Dzogchen but without all the cultural and religious beliefs and esoteric practices with which Tibetan Buddhism had surrounded it.

In basic Dzogchen, all you do is keep your self-identification upon the deepest level of consciousness, which is naked awareness beyond all concepts. That is your enlightened essence. By continuously experiencing that as "I", you, as the space within which all experiences and phenomena arise, are then the peaceful observer of whatever you experience. This allows many minor emotional issues just to dissolve as they arise, and leads over time to a great quietening of the mind.

It seemed to me that Dzogchen fitted beautifully with the AT, making for a much fuller breaking of patterns through simply observing troublesome or negative thoughts or feelings and allowing them to dissolve as you watch. I also thought that at some time I probably should get into spiritual healing, but was concerned not to rush into it, lest my ego get involved. I thought that if I were meant to have that sort of involvement, then circumstances would guide me to it.

Later note (January 2007) - Although I think it has been technically correct to say that what I was doing was effectively the essence of Dzogchen, the label 'Dzogchen' has so much Tibetan Buddhism baggage and tradition attached to it that nowadays I don't use that label at all, even though I continue in a flexible manner with that same practice that is so simple that it is virtually a non-practice. By using the label 'Dzogchen' for what I'm doing, I'd simply been causing widespread misunderstanding, because then so many people had been thinking that I was claiming to be using a Tibetan Buddhist practice but was displaying supreme ignorance in disregarding all the Tibetan Buddhist traditional and esoteric baggage surrounding it.

So, let's be clear that I distance myself completely from all traditions and simply work with the essentials of my own experience. 

Spiritual healing - Reiki

Circumstances did indeed guide me into spiritual healing, as described on my FAQ page - and little did I know what serious problems this was leading me into.

In late 1998 I joined a small local healers' group which met every Thursday lunchtime. Group members gave healing to members of the public for a small donation, and when free to do so would exchange healing between themselves. I came into this very tentatively, having little idea of whether I'd be any good at it. Indeed I came into it as a sceptic (in the positive sense), wanting to have clear observations of experiences and happenings that couldn't be explained by Western science before I would fully accept that spiritual healing was more than mumbo-jumbo.

Although I witnessed no instant miracle cures of physical issues (I understood that these were not to be expected), increasingly I felt the healing energy, which behaved in ways that were beyond explanation in Western science and medicine. I also witnessed people who received hands-on healing become much more relaxed and peaceful and have old emotional issues start freeing up so that they could start releasing through crying and related processes. Longer-term, I was to see people becoming altogether more in charge of their situations and bringing about much needed positive change in their lives. Healing was thus manifesting as a process of self empowerment for the recipients.

Among my early observations inexplicable by Western science were the following:

• Often when giving healing my hands would be cold, because I have Raynaud's disease. Yet it was common for recipients to feel a lot of heat from my hands, whether on contact or a few inches away, and in some cases would indeed heat up quite a bit all over, even when they could also feel that my hands were cold. This was not a matter of the recipient's expectations, because it happened with the odd people who came, who'd never had hands-on healing before and didn't know what to expect.

• On one occasion when I was being given healing by the group leader (P) and another experienced healer, towards the end of the session I was feeling what seemed to be a steady and quite spectacular build up of love energy in my aura, which seemed to be resonating between the three of us. I was sitting on an upright chair, and P had had her hands on me through a descending sequence of positions and finally had her hands on my feet, so she was kneeling on the floor, and indeed was concentrating while facing the floor, so she could not see me at all apart from my feet. Experimentally, and without saying anything, with my intent I focused that powerful love energy on P, who was kneeling there in front of me, looking down at the floor. At once she raised herself and exclaimed to me in amazement, "Philip, what was that? It was beautiful!". She had felt a tremendous wave of loving energy pass through her, and indeed was aware that it had come from me.

Gradually I gained experience, also helped by having a weekly healing exchange with a member of the group. The group leader was a Reiki teacher (I rather object to calling Reiki teachers 'Masters') and eventually I went on a Reiki I workshop led by her. Later on I went on a Reiki II workshop of hers. However, I wasn't given a Reiki II certificate because of a stupid little technical detail which was to do with personal power politics and not Reiki at all, and so I didn't take Reiki III with her and went eventually to another teacher for that.

Even though I then had a Reiki III certificate which (in my view misguidedly) said "Master" on it, I was in no hurry to set up any sort of formal healing or teaching practice, because I still saw my priority as self healing, especially as it was clear that I still had a lot of isolation and loneliness material (including an invisible barrier which kept people distant from me and prevented my gaining ongoing significant friendships), and until this was cleared I simply wouldn't have many clients coming to me. Also I was aware of a little inner nagging about my early childhood torments, for these seemed so far to have hardly been addressed in all my self healing, and it felt as though there were something significant and menacing there, still awaiting my attention - whenever I really knew what to do about it. This was underlined by my continuing fear of being alone in the dark, and by my morbid dread of any hint of 'the occult'.

For a few years I carried out daily self healing, sitting on an upright chair, using notionally standard Reiki hand positions (there actually being no one 'right' set of hand positions). This was in addition to my AT lie-downs, which now incorporated healing visualizations. It seemed that such healing did not in itself fully heal emotional traumas, but it did loosen them up so that emotional release could occur much more readily. It thus went naturally alongside RC. It was a relief, too, to find that most spiritual healers more or less accept emotional release, when it occurs, as a common part of the healing process. So I was able to cry more again, not only on my own but sometimes with somebody too - though now my emphasis was normally not on sustaining long periods of emotional release, but rather, allowing release to occur when something triggered it, and then to allow it in full but let it tail off naturally, so that the spell of release took its place as a part of a broader healing process rather than being a holy grail that was always sought for in itself.

I had the occasional people come to me for healing, and generally I taught them the basics of healing and had them exchange healing with me, so that I benefited and they also benefited by the personal empowerment that I was giving them. However, one of these people, who suddenly stopped coming and dropped all contact with me, turned out to have brought with him a very serious spirit attachment issue and had left a seriously negative spirit in my flat, which a healer friend noticed a month later and removed.

Despite that, I still occasionally had people for healing, who I taught something of how to be their own healers.

Accepting reincarnation as 'fact'

One thing which I'd taken on board as read when I crossed the enlightenment threshold and temporarily came under the spell of Buddhism was the process of reincarnation, and I assumed I myself had had past lives. Once I was into healing work I found that the vast majority of healers accepted that we all reincarnated and had done so many times before, but they differed from the Buddhist view in regarding the reincarnation process as being a chronological sequence of incarnations as part of an evolutionary process. This made much more sense to me than the Buddhist view which saw people trapped in a chaotic sequence of incarnations with no overall evolutionary process involved.

I soon came to assume that the apparent immensity of certain of my emotional issues - particularly relating to isolation and loneliness - must reflect an accumulation of  isolation and loneliness patterns from major and probably repeated separation traumas in previous lifetimes.

Extending Reiki - Kwan Yin, Seven Archangels

A guided hitch-hiking encounter led me to a local healer who gave me the attunements to Kwan Yin and six other goddess figures, and also the Seven Archangels. The Kwan Yin / Seven Goddesses attunement uses the OM symbol and the Seven Archangels attunement uses the six-pointed star in a circle.

After those attunements I found that my intuition in healings was repeatedly to use either of these symbols in place of the standard Reiki ones. With these symbols I started being more intuitive about healing and less tied to the Reiki tradition which I'd been taught but had felt to be limiting. In any case the Usui Reiki tradition was hardly an old one with the apparent authenticity of any sort of antiquity to commend it, and indeed that tradition was actually passing on something very different from what Usui had been teaching.

I felt a new level of warmth coming through me in healings, and was sometimes moved to give impromptu attunements for Kwan Yin or the Seven Archangels, on hiking outings and even to the odd alcoholic homeless people in Exeter who asked me for healing. Yet still nobody was really connecting with me as a reciprocating friend, and I was sometimes having to be very diligent in keeping my loneliness feelings in the background and still attending to what was positive in my life.

Later note (April 2007) - Actually I'd always felt that there was something a bit restricted about Reiki, with its use of symbols, not to mention all the 'healing politics' and the absurd calling of Reiki practitioners 'Masters' (yes, with a capital 'M') after just three workshops and a certificate or indeed in some cases after just a single weekend workshop and a certificate.

In the case of my using the supposed Goddess and Archangel energies and symbols, I was actually taking a lot on trust, for I never perceived those supposedly higher beings. In fact it was not until well into 2006 that I came to understand that these goddess figures and the so-called archangels and so-called ascended masters were all inventions of the dark forces, designed to divert people from the direct path to enlightenment by keeping them in the illusion of an objective, 'external' spiritual' or 'higher' reality containing a hierarchy of higher beings in a corresponding hierarchy of 'dimensions' (levels of existence or consciousness).

Also, the dark forces were encouraging people to use symbols in their healing work, because symbols do not connect you to the highest healing energies and can cause various problems, and using symbols or/ simplyand invoking supposed higher beings was all diverting people away from the purest and most powerful spiritual healing source that there is, which is freely accessible to each one of us without need for attunements and workshops or indeed looking outside ourselves.

And what is that A1 healing source? -- Why, your own innermost essence, of course - the Universal or Creator Consciousness, of which you are part! If you open to or invoke that source from within the centre of yourself in your healings you are using a pure healing source, while in fact invoking any 'higher beings' or external energies would generally be getting you energies from less high levels, also with the constant hazard of bringing in problematical energies and entities at the same time. Also, by working with your innermost essence rather than anything external you would be speeding your journey to full enlightenment and becoming happy and totally free from the power / control agendas of the dark forces. That's why dark entities are constantly interfering with people to direct them away from doing that.

I have little doubt that, no matter what my load of dark entities already awaiting their moment to start major interference with me, all those healing activities of mine, invoking higher beings and external energies, were drawing in a progressive accumulation of further future problems for me. At least, fortunately most of the healings I did came spontaneously from my core, so unlike many healers I was not so often invoking higher beings, nor visualizing 'light' coming in through my crown - something which always seemed a bit alien to me, for, being enlightened, I always really perceived myself as The Light anyway and so had no good cause to invoke energy or assistance from a supposedly higher source.

You see, actually standard healing practice was actually leading me astray, for I was assuming that these healers - or at least the best of them - knew what they were doing, and I'd been a bit of a sheep and hadn't been following my deepest good sense to use only my innermost core as my healing source (and indeed source of guidance), and thus to some extent I'd been following those people in their seriously misguided ways.

You can read more about these issues in Astral Entities - Interference and Attacks from 'The Dark Side'.

Crystals and Wands

It was about that time that also I was tending increasingly to wear the odd crystals and stones and to put crystals on myself during my AT lie-downs. I had no special knowledge about crystals and how to use them, but did learn the main healing properties of a few crystal and stone types. So, I used crystals and stones in a very ad-hoc sort of way. I was gradually acquiring quite a collection of them - most of them actually becoming nothing more than ornaments in my flat because I had little idea how I might usefully use them. "They'll surely come in useful sometime", sort of thing.

Then, in 2002 the crystals-and-books shop just a couple of corners from where I live obtained a wonderful variety of the most beautiful crystal wands made by Chakra Gems Art, an Indian co-operative. I bought a fair number of them and even had a few made to special order. I felt that they had the potential to take my healing into a new league, but yet I had little idea of how to use them. I then also found myself looking with great interest at other wands using crystals. As with single crystals and stones, I had an urge to possess this and that type of wand in the hope that they would bring about some quantum leap in my self healing. It was as though a 'wands' button had been pushed for me and there was some special type of wand which I was looking for and had yet to find.

Clear quartz shaft, with rose quartz and aventurine - length 7¼" (18.3 cm)

At the same time I'd discovered in another local crystals shop Lemurian seed crystals, which are a special type of quartz, which seemed to me more powerful than any other crystals I'd come across. I accumulated a number of them, feeling about them a bit as I did about the wands - collecting them and feeling that somehow they could have special purposes for me but yet not knowing really what to do with them. I did understand that they were powerful channelling aids and could channel particular ex-Lemurian beings who were wanting to bring a lot of new healing to Humanity through these crystals. So, I tended to put certain of these crystals on myself during my lie-down sessions, and I carried one about with me in a little pouch. Indeed I had one set in silver to wear as a decidedly chunky pendant.

Lemurian seed crystal, showing the characteristic
transverse ridges on each face and slightly pink tinge.

Another powerful kind of stone I was introduced to about then was Moldavite - a rare kind of tektite found only in a small area in Eastern Europe. Up till early 2005 I accumulated several pieces - all pendants except for one, which was a beautiful relatively large uncut piece on a silver bracelet. Moldavite has many high-level healing properties, but in particular it is regarded as having the highest vibration rate (of the subtle energies) of any known mineral on Earth, and so it is good for raising one's vibration rate and bringing about further high spiritual opening up and connection with Galactic and Universe energies.

In late 2005 a local healer friend introduced me to Preseli bluestone, and I used two pendant pieces and a large massage-type wand cut and polished from this stone. This is powerful for healing past life traumas and so I wore the pendant pieces and had the wand on myself in addition to the other wands and stones during my self healing lie-downs.

Preseli bluestone wand - length 6¾" (17 cm)

Later note (November 2007) - Once again, in hindsight I can say that all this about crystals and wands was a very harmful distraction, undoubtedly engineered by the astral entities covertly interfering with me, from simply opening to and using the highest-grade and most powerful healing source that there is - my own deepest essence, which is also the fundamental consciousness or naked awareness of which I and all living things are a manifestation.

Not only were such accessories a distraction, but, as I explain in Sacred Geometry, Wands and Crystals - A Serious Warning, the crystals, stones and wands were actually harming me directly, quite apart from any issue of their accumulating 'foreign' energies and entities.

Sacred geometry Wands

It finally turned out that there was indeed a special type of wand which I was apparently meant to find. When I pored through the 2003 brochure for that year's Quest fair in Newton Abbot I saw an advert from a small lightworking business - a certain Gordon John Hughes trading as Angelic Light* - which made sacred geometry tools, including wands.

* Later note (January 2008) - This name is a real irony, for, as will become apparent further below, he was completely unawarely being used by the astral ('dark') forces, as is EVERY so-called lightworker who is dealing with supposed higher beings such as angels, archangels or ascended masters.

My summary of the full story of Gordon's interactions with me, and the ways the astral forces were evidently working through him to try to do me major harm, makes eyebrow-raising reading. You can find it in the relevant section in Troublesome Astral ('Dark') Entities - My Own Experience. Let it be a warning to all to have no truck with healers and 'lightworkers' and instead to use self healing and self realization methods which do not depend on the integrity of another person. This site gives and points to a comprehensive range of such methods, so that people never need go through the sort of problems I and many others have gone through, resulting from healers precipitating problems with interfering astral entities.

The sacred geometry wands made by him turned out to be what I thought I'd been really looking for. My higher consciousness* must have known about them for some time, to have been directing my interest towards healing wands in the way that it had. I had only to look at the pages about the wands on the particular website and I felt at once that these were in a completely different class from any other wands I'd seen, and had the potential to bring my self healing forward very significantly.

* Later note (Sep 2007) - I now understand that it was actually the astral entities that were directing me towards these. Neither I nor anyone has a 'higher consciousness' - that is one of the myriads of inventions of the astral ('dark') forces.

These wands were all individually made and programmed for me, so they were not only very powerful healing tools but were also focused and tuned in a way that no over-the-counter wand could ever be. Also, the wands came with instructions for their use. To my relief, the instructions were brief and the main suggestion was to use one's own intuition, and that in any case it was perfectly effective just to hold the particular wand in a hand or even just to have it in one's aura. So there was not any complexity of usage to learn at all.

Being keen on getting moving with my self healing, I had several of these wands made for me initially - the Healing, Prosperity, Advanced St Germain and Galactic wand, and it was the full-size versions of the former three, not the small versions which their maker had illustrated on his website. Each wand was programmed to channel the energies of (allegedly) particular high-level healing beings such as Mutu, St Germain and Archangel Michael.

Curiously, it was the day after I'd placed my first order for any of these wands that I had a hitch-hiking encounter with a woman who was on her way to a Vortex Healing (VH) workshop. I learnt from her that VH is a bit like Reiki but much more complex and also much more powerful, having the potential to clear all a person's emotional and karmic issues from all lifetimes, within this lifetime. That was the first time I'd heard such a claim made for a healing system, and I was at once very interested. Could it be that this was really what I should be doing, and that these sacred geometry wands that had so much excited me were already virtually redundant, even before I'd received any of them?

However, when I looked at the VH website I thought this all looked horrendously complex, with a prodigious number of necessary attunements, and it was clear that many costly workshops would be required for me to get 'there' with VH, and I was low on cash resources. So I asked Gordon Hughes whether I'd be able to channel VH myself through a wand of his. He said that actually Merlin, who allegedly channelled VH to Rick Weinmann (the founder of VH), was the same as St Germain and so I should be able to do something about that with my St Germain wand.

My subsequent information was that Merlin was not the same as St Germain, but because their 'vibration frequencies' were quite similar, Merlin could channel through the St Germain wand.

Anyway, once I received the first wands I didn't know how I might get channelled communications through them and just concentrated on their healing functions, putting them on or around me during my lie-downs. By this time my lie-downs were fully my self healing sessions, combining their AT function with the spiritual healing from the wands and any crystals I used. I was no longer having sitting sessions using standard Reiki hand positions.

Later note (April 2007) - You see how I was letting myself be led more and more away from working with my essence and instead looking to external devices / energies / entities for my own healing? I'm sure that Gordon who made these wands had the best intentions and genuinely, like nearly all healers and lightworkers, didn't understand that he himself was unwittingly to some extent following a dark force agenda. He had all the hallmarks of such influence - including having taken on an 'angel name' (Zaccharius Melchizedek) - Mechizedek being one of the so-called ascended masters actually invented by the dark forces - and working with external beings (especially 'ascended masters') and believing that Humanity and indeed the Earth will very soon flip from the physical dimension into the 5th dimension, which supposedly would be some sort of paradise.

All those 'New Age' preoccupations are part of the dark entities' means to divert us away from true enlightenment, freedom and happiness and into illusory realities (astral realms) where we would be captive to the astral ('dark') forces.

Channelling -- the Ordeals -- 'Am Re Reiki'

On a day in early October 2003 I started using a pendulum in a way I'd seen a very experienced dowser use one, which produced answers reliably and quickly. While holding a particular Lemurian quartz crystal in my receptive (left) hand (intended as a channelling aid) and using the pendulum with my right hand, I began to get coherent yes/no answers from a non-physical being. I assumed at first that this was an ex-Lemurian being connected with the Lemurian crystal. However, this being claimed to be an ascended master called Ahn.

And thus my troubles began, for what I didn't know was that I had a variety of troublesome entities around or connected to me, which had been waiting for me to start channelling. Neither did I know that, as well as a range of other kinds of troublesome entity, I had 'dark' (demonic) beings in my aura, and in fact it was these which put the major part of any attacks on me. I have written at length about these experiences and indeed at times severe ordeals in my article 'Dark Beings in My Aura' - My Own Experience. Until April 2004 I didn't understand that any sort of lower beings were involved, and so was getting increasingly troubled and confused as an assemblage of what were allegedly ascended masters played all manner of reckless and sometimes cruel tricks on me and eventually, from early 2004, subjected me to serious psychic attacks that seemed near to destroying me.

I soon progressed from using a pendulum to using guided hand movements to get my yes/no answers, and this soon progressed to my getting internal visual yes/no answers, also sometimes with an actual 'thought voice'. This meant I was getting more deeply involved with the entities which were communicating with me, and I was thus unwittingly giving a lot of power to the various problematical entities.

During all this confusion of tricks and attacks there was much happening on the healing front, however. Although it was largely troublesome entities communicating with me, what I was receiving actually appeared to be a mixture of communications from them and from higher sources, so I was getting a lot of apparently good and important information as well as the fiction, and I was at times being guided through very strong healings - although these were hard work because they were not using the painless fast track methods which I didn't find till later, the dark entities, posing as 'guidance', having diverted me consistently away from anything which would make my self healing easy and fast.

During late 2003 I was given many good self healing sessions, allegedly guided by the well-known high guide Orin. In retrospect I'm sure Orin wasn't involved*, but at least some powerful self healing work was done, in addition to my self healing lie-downs with the wands. I had a number of intensive emotional healing sessions, when I would focus on some appropriate idea or image and get crying, with the Galactic Wand pointing closely at whichever chakra was feeling the most discomfort.

* Later note (September 2007) - I'm pretty sure now in any case that the supposed high guide Orin, no matter how highly regarded, was and is just another of the inventions of the dark forces, just as much as any other supposedly guiding or higher being, for the sake of luring people into involvement with dark entities, which can then by an immense variety of deceits and subterfuges lead people away from true and full self realization and the true 'homecoming' (recombination with source) when they die.

In this manner I was guided through healing an apparent past life trauma* in which I'd allegedly been strangled as a baby and rescued in the nick of time by somebody who, allegedly in the present incarnation is a musician friend of mine. My guidance presented me with all the images and directions for facilitating my emotional release and clearing the core of that trauma, without the need to to do a 'regression' - i.e. to go through direct memories of the incident. I was also similarly taken through my allegedly being burnt at the stake as an alleged witch in Bratislava in 1642.

* Later note (September 07) - I recognise now that what appear to be past life experiences of mine are most likely experiences which I myself never went through, and are most likely instead memories or thought forms (probably relating to real past events) which I'd in some manner become connected to - one particularly likely source being lost, archon ('dark side')-degraded human souls which had attached parasitically to me at the time of birth. I now understand this latter to happen to just about everyone, so loading them with all manner of memories, traumas and emotional issues from past lives which actually are not theirs but which they experience as their own because of the way that the parasitic consciousnesses (of people who'd died at various times in and before human history) are attached to them.

Because of the dark force deceptions and their continually seeking to get us believing 'story' about our nature and our past for an extremely troublesome and harmful purpose, I now completely disregard all claims that anyone in the present time is an incarnation of some previous personality (without either disbelieving anything, for that would be taking on another belief, which would still cause problems).

There was also one self healing session when a memory of being in some cosmic cataclysm emerged, with a very disturbing  absolutely blinding light emerging for a few moments in my inner vision. I handled this as I'd do any old trauma at that time, by breathing in the image and trusting what I now know to be my core star to transform the trauma and negative energy into (healthy) light and healing energy - to various expressions of great consternation from the perceived beings attending to me (which may have been only simulations), as though I'd been breathing in the actual event - which would hardly have been possible, seeing that it was allegedly the destruction of a whole universe! 

Later note (December 2007) - The above was an excellent example of how astral entities will take elements of truth and distort them to produce fiction to suit their own nefarious agenda. I now understand the disturbing visual impression of that blinding light to have been a real memory, but not of mine! It belonged actually to one of the parasitic 'lost' souls attached to me, and it was of being destroyed in a thermonuclear explosion (a very long time ago, not on Earth) - quite devastating enough, but not a cosmic cataclysm.

The following day the 'dark' entities exploited that healing event by plying me with a completely different very disturbing image during a self healing session, and telling me it was the destruction of another universe. What I understand in hindsight is that that second one was actually an image picked from the tremendous mass of 'night terrors' material available to the 'dark' beings. Anyway, at the time I took it to be another universe destruction - though looking bizarre beyond belief and having about it a feeling of something being greatly wrong - and I breathed the image in as with the previous one. This time, however, I felt a queasiness and a niggling fear that perhaps I really had done myself a mischief this time - and this queasiness persisted for the rest of the day. What I didn't know at the time was that what I was experiencing was the 'dark' beings putting on a slight attack, both giving me a worrying pseudo-thought and the nauseous feeling. It's a wonder they didn't take advantage of the situation and attack me really strongly then, for at that point they could have really freaked me!

The tricks and ordeals in fact nearly all served powerful healing functions in one way or another.* One trick that worked thus is related here.

* I say this to make the point that all apparent adversities do have a positive side, but I'm sure that much more powerful, speedy and relatively painless healing of the particular issues could have occurred without the entities' interferences and with diligent use of the EFT and The Work.

Out of the maelstrom - 'Am Re Reiki'

It was in December 2003 that, through my own persistence in asking questions to my 'guidance' (at that time still misidentified as the high guide Orin) and trying things out, I stumbled into what appeared to be effectively a new spiritual healing system akin to the well-known Reiki but using a new symbol which had been channelled to me the previous month. I was told that the symbol was the new OM, intended to be distributed far and wide as a replacement for all previous versions of the OM, and I was 'guided' to put it on my website for that purpose. This eventually turned out to be misinformation from the troublesome entities, and for the first half of 2005 I actually withdrew the symbol from use because I wasn't sure whether it was really fully 'of the light', considering the dire circumstances in which it had been given to me and in which the supposed healing system using it had arisen.

However, in July 2005 I had a session with a seemingly very clear and reliable channel for "Archangel Michael"*, and I then had apparent confirmation from 'Michael' that the new symbol was indeed fully 'of the Light' and was intended to be widely used to help bring Humanity forward. Although I had no time then to inquire further about that symbol, I did soon after that get some communications, allegedly from my true highest guide and Archangel Michael**, and got confirmation that the symbol was not regarded as the 'new OM' at all but rather, as a synthesis of OM and spiral, and I was free to name it myself. As I'd then been given the mantra "Amiloys Re" to use with the symbol, it seemed to me natural and harmonious to call the symbol the Am Re, the healing system using it then being called Am Re Reiki.

* Later note (December 2007) - The emphasis needs here to be on 'seemingly', for I now clearly understand that the particular individual was being seriously deceived and led by astral ('dark') entities posing as Archangel Michael. His channelled answers to quite a number of questions from me were mostly not just incorrect but designed to reinforce the fictions I'd previously been given by the entities interfering directly with me. In fact the particular symbol, like ALL supposedly sacred or healing symbols, was very much of the astral sub-reality (i.e. the 'dark forces') and thus was something to jettison completely.

** Later note (December 2007) - The true source of those communications again was the troublesome astral entities posing as higher beings, so, no wonder I continued at that time to be led astray!

As for Am Re Reiki, as noted above I originally stumbled into it in late 2003, then calling it Divine Consciousness Reiki (usually shortened to DC Reiki), because allegedly the so-called new OM connected you to Divine Consciousness*, allowing you to channel Divine Consciousness rather than passive Chi energy, which latter is what you get in standard Reiki. So, allegedly, I'd channelled a very simple healing system which had all the potentialities of Vortex Healing but without the complexities and need for lots of workshops or attunements. Allegedly, only one attunement was required - to the 'new OM' (i.e. the Am Re).

* Later note (December 2007) - I came to prefer to call this the Creator consciousness, which appeared then to be most accurately descriptive, minimizing any religious connotations. However, I now understand even that to be a somewhat distorted description and view of the true nature of the fundamental and universal aspects of consciousness.

I stumbled into this healing system through a process of experiment and asking questions of my 'guidance', leading to my devising a simple and quick full clearance healing. - Except that I was misinformed at that time and eventually came to understand that it wasn't really a full clearance healing for most people but really a fast clearance healing. Following flaky guidance (the entities of course being responsible), I publicized this healing system on my website - in retrospect I'd say, very prematurely - and found some volunteers who were willing to be experimental subjects for the alleged full clearance healings.

What was interesting was that in a minority of the recipients quite severe emotional crises followed those fast clearance healings. I now understand why that was. The fast clearance healings were working very powerfully indeed, strongly freeing up emotional trauma material, but, as with various other very powerful healing methods, the trauma feelings still had to be finally released from the system. So some people had a lot of buried emotional stuff surface which they could feel strongly but didn't know how to release fast enough, and so they had a rough time - indeed what many healers know as a healing crisis. I would not nowadays give such healings* to people without very clear and reliable guidance as to their suitability for such a healing. Of course, back then my guidance was often recklessly wrong because of the astral interference.

* Later note (April 2007) - Actually nowadays I can't see myself doing such healings at all for emotional clearance, because there are much safer and more efficient fast-track emotional clearance methods such as the EFT and The Work, and I'd point people to those instead. That way you can clear yourself superfast while being sure of not causing yourself healing crises. That way you also avoid certain other pitfalls which exist in the various spiritual healing methods.

Still later note (December 2007) - The above two paragraphs now give me a pained chuckle. Fast clearance? -- Actually hardly any clearance at all! The method was bogus from top to bottom! What the entities did (we need to remember that astral entities interfere with everyone, and their activities are co-ordinated throughout the Universe according to the archons' agenda) was to give the recipients various displays, sensations and in various cases quite severe attacks to give me the impression that the method was greatly powerful and to give the recipients various experiences / impressions which might in some cases encourage them to get hooked on the bogus healing system (I don't think anyone did to any significant extent) or to dismiss me as a dangerous individual, dabbling in things I didn't properly understand (or indeed being led by dark forces, as indeed I was at that time!).

In March 2006 I was thrown into confusion again about the true purpose of the particular symbol which I am calling the Am Re, because I showed it to the psychic surgeon Chris Thomas, who claims to have an exceptionally strong connection to the Akashic Records, and he had the following to say on it:

What Chris said was amazing but confusing for me. The symbol apparently had a special significance for me in view of my supposed Gilgamesh connection that had become apparent through my self healing path and my 'guidance' having actually told me that I'd been the historical Gilgamesh*, but I had here a discrepancy about its purpose, for according to Chris it was not appropriate for use as a healing tool, and yet I was given it allegedly as a powerful healing tool, not just for me but for Humanity in general.

* Later note (April 2008) - As with all claims that I'd been particular prominent past personalities, I have let go of that notion, for it is unverifiable and the sort of thing that the astral entities want one to believe in order to cause one more problems. Very likely various people have similarly been told they'd been Gilgamesh.

In any case I now recognise that Chris was being himself heavily interfered with by astral entities, which were giving him much fiction, and they no doubt invented the Gilgamesh connection for the 'Am Re' and gave him more fiction about that, just to try to get me more attached to the notion which they'd already been giving me directly, that I myself had been the historical Gilgamesh. Indeed, the so-called Akashic Records, which Chris is supposedly such an adept at reading, are bogus from top to bottom - another invention of the astral forces in order to lead us astray.

Yes, it is true that within fundamental consciousness is a 'memory' of every instant of every experience that has ever happened, but that 'memory' is not a chronologically organized one which would correspond with the general notion of the Akashic Records, and, as with all channelling, when we imagine that we are 'reading' from it, what is really happening is that astral entities are, at best, relaying fragments from it which they have pieced together into a story to further their agenda of leading the person astray, but more likely are not relaying anything at all from that source but simply making up a story from the immensely huge astral repository of illusions and 'story'.

It was also puzzling as to why I'd been given the Hindu version rather than the original version. Could the discrepancy about function come from this not being the original version? Perhaps just the original version was a guarding / protection symbol while this version really was meant as a healing tool. Anyway, it had certainly seemed to work as one. In any case I'd not been aware of it in any way keeping the entities off me, despite my many attempts to use it for that purpose.

New information coming in from August 2006 onwards

In August 2006 I channelled what seemed to be more accurate information about the Am Re. Goodbye to 'Am Re Reiki', but, if my new information was correct, at least the Am Re truly was an important symbol for protection, lightworking and increasing the power of healings that one gives.

Also, I learnt that, although the original Hindu name for the symbol is the Chikodakta, the name 'Am Re' for this symbol was better to use at the present time, because that and the mantra 'Amiloys re' which I'd been given to use with it added a certain level of healing quality to it, even though it is still not primarily a healing symbol in itself.

Later note (December 2007) - Now that I've got myself so much clearer from astral influence, I can say with a reasonable degree of security that whether the 'Am Re' had ever had Hindu usage or the 'Kashak' had ever been called that or had Sumerian usage, both symbols had originally come from the astral ('dark') forces for the purpose of causing trouble for people, increasing the hold upon them of the astral forces. That is why I have removed the illustrations of both symbols from this page and indeed this site, for the symbols looked beautiful and I didn't want to give anyone the opportunity to get attracted to them and start using them in any way - whether it be in practices or as ornaments / decoration of any kind.

New information, January 2007

Having taken on Dalibor Zaviska's methods for clearing problematical entities and working only with a support team of highest level Light beings*, I learnt that no symbol connects one to really high - what you could call truly Divine (and thus pure and undistorted) - energies, and for this reason, as a matter of policy I stopped using all symbols, trusting the Support Team and true Divine energies to channel through me.

* Later note (September 2007) - Again it's deception all along the way. Dalibor did not realize that he himself was being extensively 'pixie-led' by astral entities which were giving him (and me) simulations of high level Light beings, but at least he was a bit more clear of New Age beliefs and preoccupations than anyone who I'd recognised as a lightworker up to that time. At least to a fair extent he did recognise that using symbols was problematical, though his bogus 'Divine Support Team' didn't reveal to him the extent of the problem with symbols - in that they all to various extents increase the hold of astral ('dark') forces on you if you go using them.

I still felt very drawn by the Kashak especially, which seemed very beautiful to me, but resisted the urge to do anything with it, such as putting it on some T-shirts of mine or generally using it as some sort of logo for myself. I suspected that the astral entities were seeking to get me attached to that symbol as a means of keeping me attached to the Gilgamesh scenario (which could be no more than an archetype in the human collective consciousness*).

* Later note (December 2007) - Even if it is an archetype in the human collective consciousness, I have little doubt that it originated from the astral ('dark') forces for the purpose of creating problems for various people, indeed including myself.

The ordeals begin in earnest

In early 2004 the troublesome entities started putting attacks on me, claiming that they were ascended masters carrying out experiments and training upon me which was required for me to fulfil my alleged future higher purpose on Earth. The main type of attack at that time was actually their manipulating the trauma feelings from my alleged disconnection trauma of 150,000 years ago*, which were getting freed up by my intensive self healing, and causing the feelings to surface at a wellnigh hellish intensity, so that I felt as though I were being killed by diabolical psychic attacks. In fact when I had those greatly troublesome experiences a very powerful healing process was occurring, because, being enlightened, I was experiencing the feelings as (relatively) peaceful observer, and by this means the feelings were being released permanently from my system. However, I say that in hindsight, and at the time I didn't know what the hell was going on and was getting to feel desperate.

* Later note (January 2008) - I've now let go of all channelled information and supposed past life events of mine, for I cannot know what, if anything, of that is true. Indeed, the supposed past life traumas of mine almost certainly actually have different origins - see The true nature of 'my' emotional issues and past life experiences.

Indeed, those and subsequent attacks could all be seen as parts of an extended healing crisis, even though it was being brought about by the astral entities. A healing crisis is in fact the uncomfortable and sometimes disruptive surfacing of trauma emotions freed up during one's healing so that they can then be released. It can also involve physical symptoms (illnesses), but in my case that didn't happen. The process is experienced as a crisis when the trauma feelings are surfacing distinctly faster than they can be released.

In fact I strongly suspect that my disconnection trauma feelings had been freed up and made available to the entities by the fast clearance healings I'd been giving myself in my newly-discovered 'DC Reiki' (later renamed to 'Am Re Reiki').

Later note (April 2008) - All the above about my experiencing the severe attacks from the entities being a powerful healing for me - the attacks representing a sort of 'healing crisis' - was bullshit given to me by the astral entities posing as my own 'guidance' or indeed 'higher consciousness'. Yes, a certain amount of healing was occurring then, but only because I was so single-mindedly handling each and every 'adversity' in my life in ways to gain from it whatever positive benefit I could. Basically the attacks were simply attacks, and meant to wreck me to render me inoperative as any credible or worthwhile teacher or promoter of true self realization, or to 'soften me up' to enable the astral forces to make me some sort of puppet of theirs.

After April 2004 I had no more obvious attacks till the autumn, though I still had unreliable 'guidance' which happily gave me a mixture of good information and reckless fiction. During that summer I took delivery of still more powerful sacred geometry wands - particularly the Higher Galactic and Advanced Higher Galactic wands. After a short acclimatization period I was using both wands a lot, and had them both against me during all my self healing lie-downs. They felt very good to be close to, but of course I was very likely overusing them and was running the risk of harmful effects*.

* Later note (November 2007) - The energy testing method which I gained in May 2007 showed clearly that all the sacred geometry wands were definitely harmful for me, not just when used a lot, but even through just being in my presence at all, and that this was because of the following particular factors:

• The sacred geometry structures, and indeed the whole construction of each wand, was directly disruptive to my energy field in a way that maximized my vulnerability to entities of all types.
• The sacred geometry structures additionally had very strong 'resonance' connections with the astral sub-reality and all its entities and influences.
• All these wands used crystals in their construction, and thus they additionally gave the disruptive effects from their respective crystals.
• Less serious than the above three factors, but still significant - the wands overall, like the crystals used in them, were prone to accumulate problematical 'foreign' energies and get entities attached to them. Gordon, their maker, had believed that such a thing was impossible, because he believed that the design and programming of these wands had come from the highest possible source, which would keep them protected against all negativity. How the astral forces were deceiving him (and me)!
• Another important point is that, although these wands - despite all their other problems - did deliver healing energies, the energies which were channelled were unbalanced and 'rigid' (largely fixed by the wand's construction), just as with crystals, and unable to adjust to a person's healing requirements. That's a very poor deal compared with healing from one's own core essence (effectively 'the Ultimate'), which always delivers whatever energies are most beneficial for the particular person at the particular time.

So, naturally, I chose not to use such wands again. Instead I would work simply with my innermost essence, for that would be my means to receive the fullest, most powerful and balanced healing energies - not through any objects, devices or symbols, nor from any supposed higher beings, who, even if genuine, would always be lesser than my own core essence, which, as I say, is effectively 'the Ultimate'.

In Better Without Channelling you can read what I finally did about these wands.

Higher Galactic Wand Shaft 15 cm; total length c. 32 cm


Advanced Higher Galactic Wand Shaft 15 cm; total length c. 32 cm

During the summer of 2004 I added to my arsenal of sacred geometry wands two devices from the Maitreya monastery at Glastonbury. Even at the time I felt a bit uneasy about all their sacred geometry devices (of which they had an impressive range). I felt there was something very impersonal and rigid about their energy and whole 'presence', but had become so infatuated with the evident power of sacred geometry wands that I didn't heed my own inner warning signals. One of the devices (both illustrated below) was a weird pendant and the other was a double-ended device a little like Gordon Hughes' Galactic Wand but with a crystal shaft and magnets bound onto it by copper winding. This latter I'd paid a premium price for (£400) because it was actually not new at all but well used by the leader of that Buddhist sect, who was claimed, with a lot of 'fanfares', to be a living buddha and the current incarnation of Maitreya. You see how pixie-led I was becoming?!

* Later note (November 2007) - You can amuse yourself by going to Astral Entities - Interference and Attacks from 'The Dark Side' and then, from the list of signs of people's astral ('dark') force involvements, seeing how highly the leader of that monastery (Gyalwa Jampa, actually given the appellation 'His Holiness') scores for astral involvement. No doubt he means of the best, but he is caught up in a massive power / control agenda which is powerfully pointing a lot of people away from true self realization and entrenching them into illusory realities which will ensure that they become fully ensnared by the astral forces. Their sacred geometry devices are all part of the astral forces' agenda with them, to help unground people and weaken their energy systems in ways which give astral entities more hold on the users.

The Shambhala Star pendant from the Maitreya monastery - at considerably more harmful than it is beautiful, despite the (actually greatly distorted) healing energies that it delivers.

The equally harmful Deva Vajra device from the Maitreya monastery - claimed with a big flourish to be the one which the revered Gyalwa Jampa had been using as his personal one.
Big deal! That means that he was nicely harming himself by further ungrounding himself and entrenching himself still more deeply in the astral-sourced power hierarchy and control agenda in which he is unawarely caught up. 

And so this Philip Goddard muggins innocently wore the pendant daily and placed the latter double-ended device on himself during his self healing lie-downs every day (so help me, er, somebody 'up there' who isn't an astral invention! ).

In October 2004 my ordeals resumed, with my 'guidance' taking me through excessively rough day-and-night alleged self healing sessions* and a variety of ordeals, including getting into some relatively benign Satanistic-type practices. These ordeals led to the first of the new series of attacks, which in turn led to my being hospitalized - though hospital was definitely not what I had needed. The actual attacks were more a feature of the subsequent series of ordeals in December, which again led to a hospitalization. In these attacks fear-related feelings (fear, anxiety and panic) surfaced to nightmarish intensity, and I was repeatedly told (from within) that this was the only way that I could heal the trauma associated with my early childhood night torments and so I had to go through all this whether I liked it or not, day and night. My 'guidance' sought to make it all seem as intimidating and frightening as possible - and, as I say, this led to my second hospitalization.

* Later note (January 2008) - This is a time-honoured type of deceit from the astral ('dark') forces - to appear to be guiding through healing practices, which do indeed give a sort of healing but also create or compound one's problems in other ways.

Curiously, during the October 2004 ordeals, my 'guidance' urged me to destroy those two sacred geometry devices from the Maitreya monastery, as part of a minor 'orgy' of destroying various things in my flat associated with Buddhism. There was actually a positive side in that, in that it was all a symbolic breaking of any ties of mine to Buddhism and all its control agenda aspects (i.e. astral influences), and so I went right ahead and destroyed those. I think the intention of the astral entities interfering with me was to use the breaking of ties with Buddhism as a springboard for me to then be taken into serious 'dark' practices, but actually all they succeeded in doing, apart from causing me some temporary severe disruptions in my life, was to show me more of the nature and modus operandi of the astral forces - I think not quite what they intended!

In retrospect it looks mighty significant that there was never any suggestion that I destroy or dispose of Gordon Hughes' sacred geometry wands, and indeed for most of the time my purported guidance was actually encouraging and directing my use of them - very good evidence indeed that they were serving some purpose for 'the dark side', regardless of their maker's undoubted best intentions.

In early 2005 I'd resolved to have nothing to do with the troublesome 'guidance', but I still had major surfacings of anxiety, fear and panic feeling regardless, and on two occasions full-throttle terror - an awesomely testing experience. I still didn't really know whether these troubles were attacks from external beings or were just my healing process being virtually out of control in a particularly virulent healing crisis. But what was suspicious was that it was only fear and related feelings which were coming up like this. That suggested very much 'low-level astral' beings* as the culprits, for a straightforward healing crisis would normally involve the surfacing of a lot of grief-related feelings as well. Anyway, for the time being I put away the sacred geometry wands that were allegedly powerful emotional 'strippers'** so that I was not freeing up more trauma material at such a great rate.

* Later note (November 2007) - I would nowadays not describe them as low-level, because I now understand that the whole astral sub-reality is 'dark' in the sense of having a seriously troublesome and negative agenda towards us, regardless of whether the entities manifest as demons or indeed archangels, Elohim or the purported Creator Consciousness itself.

** Gordon Hughes, the maker of the wands, had claimed that my severe upwellings of the emotional trauma feelings was caused simply by my overuse of those wands, and that although I did have some 'astral beings' in my aura, they couldn't harm me if I ignored them. I felt at the time - and this was borne out by subsequent experience - that he was withholding important information from me owing to flaky, astral-entity-adulterated 'guidance' which he'd received. As I understand it now, it was the entities attacking me which were causing the major problems - though I now understand that the wands had been making me greatly more susceptible to the entities in the first place.

That misinformation from Gordon was part of something very strange and indeed, by the looks of things quite sinister, which was going on for him relating to me. I give a summary of the full and quite bizarre story in Troublesome Astral ('Dark') Entities - My Own Experience.

These attacks continued periodically throughout 2005 and into 2006, but I became progressively stronger and so the attacks became gradually less threatening and disruptive for me. In retrospect I see 2005 as having been a very difficult year, despite my having kept my head 'above water' quite remarkably and enjoyed many things in life despite the repeated horrific feelings of the attacks and the continual sleep deprivation.

In August 2005 "Archangel Michael"* channelled to me an explanation (at last!) of my early childhood torments and indeed my issue with the astral beings and my having all the masses of fear-related emotions surfacing. (See Night Terrors and Hearing Voices.) So I was then greatly empowered by at last understanding reasonably fully what was going on. After that, as I was still getting astral interference in my channelling I made a really firm commitment** not to accept any more guidance or channelled information, for the astral beings were very intrusive and constantly answering thoughts of mine, and I couldn't tune out from that.

* Later note (November 2007) - As I now understand, there is no true Archangel Michael higher being, and so this was a deception given to me by the interfering entities. As already indicated in other notes, I'm now distanced from all channelled or alleged past life information, but at least the particular channelling did give me a handle for applying a fuller and more effective healing to my night terrors trauma and also to point to real healing possibilities for other people with night terrors / hearing voices issues. I have since gained insights which point to the likely true scenario underlying those night terrors, and I give that alongside the original, distorted explanation, in Night Terrors and Hearing Voices.

** Actually the intrusiveness of the astral entities made it impossible for me to maintain that commitment for more than a few months, and that led, in early 2006, to my adopting for much of that year a proactive engagement strategy in which I sought effectively to turn the tables on the entities and be their tormentor, as noted immediately below.

Since then the name of the game has been taking measures to switch the balance of power - to disempower the troublesome entities and empower myself. I write at some length about that on my page Troublesome Astral ('Dark') Entities - My Own Experience.

What about healings to cast out the astral beings?

I had healings from several other people to try to clear the entities out and seal them out of my aura. I have detailed these in Troublesome Astral ('Dark') Entities - My Own Experience. Also, periodically I invoked 'Archangel Michael' or the Highest Will to achieve this end - but always to no avail. I also periodically used the Am Re Reiki method of clearing out unwanted entities, again to no avail.

My understanding is that my own higher consciousness had decided before this lifetime to beset me with a severe entities issue to contend with in this lifetime, for me to gain various experiences and training, and also so that I would be in a prime position to assist others with similar issues. I thus had to keep the entities until my higher consciousness determined that they had completed fulfilment of their higher purpose with me.

Later note (November 2007) - As far as I can tell now, that was all bullshit from the astral entities. There was a very simple and obvious reason as to presumably why I was targeted for such rough and 'heavy' treatment by the astral forces.

Being outside our limitations of space and time, they would have known soon before I was born that if I was not stopped I would very likely become a significant spanner in the works for their plans for taking full control of all humans, in that I would be promoting true self realization rather than astral-influenced 'spiritual paths' that lure people away from true self realization. So, they set me up for massive problems by sending 30 parasitic lost souls to attach to me at birth, which could subsequently be used as weapons / instruments of control upon me to a level that would be very unusual indeed, and then waited for me to start channelling, as surely I would at some point. For more about this scenario, please see the relevant update to this account.

I must emphasize that this issue is not one of normal psychic protection, so people who advise me to 'protect' myself are way off course and have not understood my situation or the nature of astral interference at all.

Later note (January 2008) - It's a remarkably little known fact that all normal protection methods are ineffective against astral ('dark') entities. The only protection from this type of entity is an intrinsic invulnerability which is progressively built up by an ongoing truly effective self realization process - see Healing and Self Realization - the Safest and Quickest Way.