My Own Self Actualization 'Path' - Part 2

Momentum for real change at last begins to gather!

Despite evident slow progress in getting stronger against the interference and attacks that I was still 'understanding' to be coming from 'astral beings', towards the end of 2006 I was still getting some degree of such attacks on pretty well all days, periodically rising to moderate or even quite strong intensity. Also, the arthritis in my right knee - apparently precipitated by the crisis event in August to September of that year - meant that it was still difficult and a bit painful walking around town just for my regular shopping excursions, and it was bold of me even just to make myself have a short walk (mostly on the level) once a week from my flat in central Exeter, down by the Exeter Ship Canal to Double Locks and back - a bathotic total length of a princely four miles for my weekly walk (if I was lucky)!

Indeed, I assumed that my doctor's diagnosis of osteo-arthritis, and prognosis that this was something that, most unfortunately, I was going to have to live with was correct, and that thus I would have to adjust to the fact that my hiking days were over. This wasn't the average sort of doctor who'd shrug his shoulders and say in an off-hand manner "Well, that is just your age, and you'll have to live with it!". This doctor was a youngish, empathetic and very caring one (indeed he felt to be very much like a personal friend), and he well knew the part that my hikes and general use of vigorous walking had been playing in my life - so I could really feel his own concern and sorrow at this happening for me. Indeed, his was the greater sorrow, because at least I was adjusting as best I could to my situation, having an underlying confidence that I would somehow find other ways to apply myself and improve my lot. He prescribed for me a sumptuous stock of Ibuprofen and paracetamol, assuming I wouldd need them just to get by.

Although I accepted that prescription and collected my stock of little medical nasties, my own view on this was one of a healthy pragmatism, on the basis that things might get difficult enough that I really had to use them a bit, say, to get a night's sleep. But overall I had no intention whatsoever to go taking such stuff. I think the doctor assumed that I would use them to make my everyday moving around that bit less painful - but to me that would have been nonsense except perhaps occasionally, in extremis.

If I were routinely taking painkillers and anti-inflammatories just so that I could carry on my everyday life without too much restriction (well, apart from not going on hikes any more), I would have actually been overdoing it for the gammy knee and so actually making it worse or at least helping to scupper any chance of healing. Unfortunately, that is one thing that the medical profession pretty well routinely gets people doing, so making their condition progressively worse - rather than consistently look for the best possible means of actually bringing about some degree of recovery, or at least managing the situation with a view to minimizing any further deterioration.

Thus I allowed the painful twingeings and 'catchings' of the knee to be my warning signals and didn't try to suppress them at all. I am pleased to say that I never took anything at all for that knee once it had flared up really badly and I'd had the osteo-arthritis diagnosis. Fortunately that was easy for me, for the knee hurt only to walk on, and didn't hurt when I was sitting or lying.

Ironically, it wasn't till January 2010 that I finally had cause to use that Ibuprofen and paracetamol - and that was not for arthritis, but to enable me to nurse myself to full recovery from a troublesome muscle injury in my back, which had resulted from a fall on ice. The injury was severe enough that there is no question that if I hadn't had the Alexander Technique I'd have had to be laid up in hospital; the medication would not have been enough on its own - and even then I still had a tremendously difficult time and fleetingly wondered at times whether it was becoming too much for me and I would have to be laid up in hospital after all.

Nonetheless, that and the continuing attacks, and with the lack of any clear sign of a future direction for me yet, did make that winter of 2006/7 and whatever lay beyond it to have a certain superficial dark and gloomy prospect about it. The lack of hiking any more was not just a matter of letting go of an attachment of mine, but of my being without a key health-giving, grounding and balancing activity in my process of strengthening myself against the 'entities' (i.e. dark force) troubles. How the hell was I going to replace that in order not to fall back into unbalance, ungroundedness and increased vulnerability to all that nastiness again?

But then in late December 2006 an e-mail out of the blue from a certain DZ - a seemingly highly accomplished 'lightworker' and healer in the USA - brought the beginning of a new focus into the proceedings. In a weird and convoluted way his contact resulted in the setting in motion of a chain of events that eventually led to my getting to work in an altogether new and purposeful way in progressively clearing my 'astral beings' (i.e. dark force) interference / attacks problem. On the face of it, this particular contact was to prove to be one great big false dawn, indeed with a sinister aspect to it that I didn't know about at all till I'd already been clear of DZ for quite some time.

A client of DZ's had pointed him to the (inadvertently dark force distorted) 'spirituality'-oriented precursor of this website, in which I'd already put a lot of details about major disruptions that I was getting from 'astral beings', and he was offering to me his services free of charge ("I am doing this as a favour from one lightworker to another - the Universe will pay me!") to assist me in clearing my 'entities' problem.

Wow! And, looking at his website and reading some information about his work that he sent me, it appeared that he must be one of the leading entity-removing healers / 'lightworkers' on the planet! At last! What a combination of relief and measured excitement!* I say 'measured', because by that time I had had many false dawns with regard to clearance of my 'entity' troubles, and I could no longer be fully confident that anything would work. And in retrospect I suspect that I was also picking up from my own deepest aspects an intimation that these things couldn't really be 'sent off' in the way that such healers believed they could achieve.

* There was, however one very big chunk of 'benefit of the doubt' that I gave him, in some desperation to become clear of my 'entities' issue. The portrait of him on his website was not at all what I'd expected to see. I had expected to see a kind, generous face that gave off warmth and 'healing vibes', with which I'd naturally resonate. What I saw was the disturbing penetrating eyes of a hypnotherapist. Over the years I'd seen just that sort of countenance in portraits of a number of individuals who practice some sort of hypnosis or hypnotherapy, and I always recoiled from those images and sought to put them out of my mind as soon as possible. If there were any particular describable 'vibes' being given off by all these people, they were of personal control and domination, not love nor true healing, let alone any sort of facilitation of self empowerment.

Having my entities taken away - Wow!

I had a number of weekly sessions on the telephone with DZ, in which he gave a running commentary about the considerable number of what he interpreted as "demons" and other entities - quite a menagerie of types - that he was supposedly removing from my system. This seemed most exciting at first, but there were various aspects of those sessions that gave me increasing doubts about the genuineness of what was going on, and indeed the basic safety of working with him, even though I am sure he really believed those positive things were happening - and I had inner alarm bells ringing when he sought to take control over me through putting me into hypnotic trance - something that my deeper aspects clamoured against and prevented from happening. And there was a method that he tried to teach me to do, called Universal Mind, which even then rang considerable alarm bells for me, and again my own deepest aspects would not allow me to proceed with the visualizations that were involved.

It is worth saying just a little here about why those sessions were causing me more than a little pause for thought and wondering. The work in the sessions didn't actually last all that long, but DZ would spend an hour or more delivering what seemed to be enthusiastic lectures to me, in which he seemed to be almost frenetically showing me how much he supposedly knew, while giving me little opportunity to say anything myself - and in particular to point out that to him that I already knew / understood the majority of things he was going on about and he could spare his time and breath and either get on with the session or close it if it was already finished. He gave me the strong impression that he was regarding me as a 'fresher' or novice student of his, rather than any sort of equal. In other words, this looked like a personal status / power trip of his. Also, I ended each of those sessions feeling really tired and drained - because actually in all that 'lecturing' at me he had unawarely been sucking my 'energy'! That was not healing, of any kind, and indeed was an indicator of a very significant problem of his!

As I understand it in retrospect, the 'energy sucking' was not standard psychic energy sucking, but was primarily a defensive strategy, born in an intense insecurity issue of his. The gross, physically observable aspect of that strategy was for him to be buoyantly talking on and on at me - supposedly 'teaching me' - all the time to browbeat me into a state of submission and feeling exhausted and generally feeling that I was no match for him. A real personal status issue - undoubtedly manifesting particularly strongly towards me because of the threat that he was feeling from me to his own perceived superior status as a healer, 'lightworker' and supposedly enlightened person.

I did, I think at least a couple of times during the course of those regular sessions, tell DZ that I was pretty sure that he himself had 'entity' interference and that his 'guidance' and non-physical information source was at least adulterated by 'entities' - but he would have none of it. He didn't overtly get angry - but then I wasn't pushing that suggestion at him in a way to 'get his rag out', but he was clearly very much on the defensive. He assured me that he had trustworthy means to check that he had no such interference, and on one of those occasions he made out to be doing that test right there and then, and said something like "...No, all clear. But let me assure you that I do keep an open mind about such possibilities, but every time I have checked this, there hasn't been anything."

If I'd been spoiling for a confrontation (which I wasn't at that stage) I'd have asked him "Yes? -- Well, then, how do you 'know' that your means to test for entity interference is giving you correct information, and isn't actually giving you 'entity' [i.e. dark force] sourced results?".

You see? He was fully intelligent enough to know that he'd told me rubbish to cover up the fact that he had NO means to know that he wasn't being interfered with and indeed deceived, led and controlled by anything untoward - yet he still pushed that "I am fully clear" nonsense at me. That's very much a sign of somebody with a pretty major element of entity / dark force interference!

One thing that forced me to recognise at an early stage that something was really untoward was DZ's bizarre assertion to me, during one of those lectures among which bits of supposed clearance work were interspersed, "I am at the Second Level of Enlightenment, and I am sorry to have to tell you that you are not even enlightened yet!". He went on to explain that I still had a lot of emotional issues to clear before I could become enlightened. This showed me that he must be considerably confused as to what true enlightenment was, and that made me rather doubtful as to whether he was enlightened at all as he was claiming, for it looked as though he had learnt some hopelessly incorrect definition of what enlightenment was, no doubt from some esoteric 'spiritual' tradition in which he'd previously had some sort of training.

Still, because I was at that time pretty desperate to get clear of these horrible interferences and attacks from the supposed entities (according to DZ, including actual demons), and was actually 'seeing' demons being removed from me (so I thought - though really even then I knew that what I was seeing was only stylized representations, which could thus easily be still further deceptions), I stuck with those sessions with DZ.

In retrospect, and with the facility of inner inquiry supported by energy testing at hand, my assessment of the practices and procedures that he was trying to do with me or to get me doing myself was that they ranged from very unsafe to seriously harmful and downright dangerous, which could very well have caused me very major problems, so I am thankful that I was sufficiently in touch with my deeper knowledge and awareness that I drew my own line firmly at the right times then. Indeed, according to my current understanding, the already mentioned Universal Mind practice that he sought to get me doing stood a fair chance of making me myself a part of the postulated cacoprotean network and thus an unwitting part of the dark force - that is, if I'd got myself sufficiently ungrounded and off-guard for it to work 'properly'. But similarly, what he was seeking to get me into hypnotic trance for would very likely have had that result, if only I hadn't remained so cussedly grounded and suspicious of him!

In those telephone sessions with him he gave me a lot of convoluted 'story', which I nowadays recognise as being clearly from the dark force, relating to my so-called 'soul origin' and various things, including an alleged major 'soul trauma', that were supposed to have happened to me as a non-incarnated soul in the early stages of this Cosmos (I remind that I now understand that I am a no-soul incarnation, so all of that had to be rubbish designed to cause me problems - albeit the harmful intention being that of the influences manipulating DZ, rather than from him himself). He also gave me a copy of his 'Multidimensional Model of the Cosmos', which was an exceptionally detailed adaptation of a sort of New-Agey model of the supposed dimensions that 'reality' is claimed to be divided up into, with notes about the different types of beings and entities that were supposed to occupy those different levels.

My own 'guidance' - then my 'Divine Support Team', which DZ had guided me through getting set up, but really of course still just the dark force - gave a general okay to DZ's model, but gave me various amendments, presumably to convince me that I myself had got it all just about right, and no doubt also to put me into a sort of rivalry against DZ. At once my 'guidance' was starting to embroil me in more 'story' based on that model of the dimensions and an associated (and in a way rather convincing-sounding) explanation of how the 'dark side' (in this model, called the Dark Realm) supposedly formed.

Inevitably, then, through the deepening convolutions of all that 'story' involving me and a supposed higher purpose of mine to 'heal' the purported Dark Realm, I was led by the 'entities' (i.e. the dark force) into another crescendo of increasingly severe attacks, which culminated in a monumentally spectacular all-night ordeal on the night of Saturday 3rd February 2007.

Clearly I was in much better shape then than in previous crisis events, because that was potentially by far the most taxing and dangerous ordeal sequence I had ever been taken through, and yet I was naturally unflappable throughout and remained peaceful observer of all that I was taken through, even though at one point the attack with fear related emotion energy was at such intensity that it felt as though my body would break apart if the attack got any more intense. The 'me being raped by demons' tableau, when it eventually came, just aroused in me a mild curiosity and surprise at that complete anticlimax, in which nothing clearly identifiable seemed to happen within that confused jumble of vague images, and the associated attack feelings, although unpleasant, were relatively muted by then.

Also, I remain pretty impressed even in retrospect at the way I finally 'drew the line' ("Enough's enough, and now sod the lot of you!") and wrenched myself out of all that, disregarded all the further menacing 'story' that was being given me, forced myself to get breakfast and then called the Crisis Resolution Team so that I could get talking with some supportive people to get my awareness better grounded and balanced again, and so puncture the crisis 'bubble'. That was signs of exceptional emotional stability and 'togetherness' of mine, and not at all signs of a 'mentally ill' or 'mentally unstable' person, as various people (who one would have thought would know better) have come to regard me simply on the basis that I have had disruptions from the dark force and have had a few brief 'psychiatric' hospitalizations as a result.

* You can read more about this particular experience and how I handled the situation in the relevant section in My Little Brush With Psychiatry.

All this was increasingly making me wonder how much longer it was going to take to clear out all my 'entities', for it was evident that they still had considerable ability to interfere and attack, and although I did supposedly 'send off' what was supposed to be the primary 'entity' that had taken me through the abovementioned 'spectacular' (by means of asking my 'Divine Support Team' to 'see it off'!), I was feeling that something wasn't adding up in the descriptions of the supposed higher (non-physical) realities involved and the various beings and entities they supposedly contained - and I didn't see really how I could be sure that I would not get more of those coming in. As I now understand, nothing of significance had left me in the first place*, and the only difference now was that I was really beginning to get stronger and noticeably less vulnerable to the dark force - although I still had a very long way to go before getting anything close to immune to it.

* Actually, my understanding in retrospect is that in one sense there was a departure that one could see as at least roughly coinciding with my supposedly 'sending off' the bullying 'entity' manifestation that seemed to be running that particular crisis - even though it is unlikely that I myself had actually sent anything off at that point. More likely the only benefit of my going through the motions of 'sending off' in that way was that it helped ground my awareness just a little through gaining a certain sense of self empowerment at that point. Part of that self confidence boosting came to me through my at that point bestowing the belittling name of Mr Pooh (or Little Poo) on that particular supposed powerful entity.

I had got the impression during not only that whole crisis event but also my previous most major ones, that it was as though at those times some more powerful and organized, and bullying 'being' or force was present, and that at other times it was leaving me alone, to be mucked around with by run-of-the-mill 'astral beings', which were much more disorganized and simply opportunistic in the ways they interfered and attacked. So, I saw this 'Mr Pooh' as having come in at each of those really major, disruptive events, with a big agenda for me that was beyond the ken of mere bog-standard 'astral beings'.

This I now understand to have been a very significant observation, for, although there was presumably not an actual conscious being corresponding with 'Mr Pooh', there could well have been something else - direct interference from the postulated cacoprotean network. So, it could well be that at the end of each of the most major crisis events the cacoprotean network withdrew its direct attention, no doubt to stick its disgusting 'nose' elsewhere to wreck other individuals' lives, and so it had, in a sense, departed from me - though leaving in place the astral thought forms (posing as 'entities') to continue interfering with me according to their particular programming.

Thus, one thing of significance may well have left me then, but not, as far as I can tell, as a result of DZ's work on me. A particular point here is that, as far as I can tell, that was the last occasion that that disgusting network would have directly interfered with me (though it may have made a pathetic last-ditch attempt in a brief crisis in late May 2007). All subsequent attacks and even crises have been of the opportunistic sort that indicate just pre-programmed astral thought form complex as being the culprit. My inner inquiry consistently supports this hypothesis.

So, although I could not know this at the time, one particular phase of my 'troubles' appears to have ended then, even though DZ's work on me (and my extensions of that work, upon myself) would have had little or no bearing on that. Indeed, my much more recent inner inquiry suggests that the early February major crisis event very likely marked the last of a sort of list of options for the cacoprotean network's attempting to take me over or destroy me, and that network had simply run out of major options to that end - not helped by my increasing resistance to the harmful things that DZ was (presumably unawarely) trying to do to me.

Also, I can report, as a result of my retrospective inner inquiry, that the 'rose' technique for emotional clearance, which DZ gave me and I was using quite a bit for a time, was actually largely bogus - though I am pretty sure he didn't realize that. The method consisted of a visualization of a rose flower with petals made of a high 'Divine' 'consciousness energy', and, within that visualization, one's directing a stream of mucky dark-looking 'energy' from oneself, and especially from any 'chakra' where one felt discomfort, into that 'rose', which supposedly transformed those 'energies'. As far as I can ascertain in retrospect, what was really happening for me when I used that method was that the dark force would rapidly reduce or cease a particular attack (temporarily) to make it appear that the 'rose' technique was working brilliantly. Such is the troublesome deceit of the dark force in order to get people wasting their time and energy on ineffective healing methods.

The 'entities' (which I now of course recognise as dark force created illusory phenomena), were still with me at the end of the course of sessions, but DZ was then claiming that all the genuine entities had been removed, and I just had 'self created entities', also called 'self made demons', a phenomenon that a fair number of healers and 'lightworkers' believe accounts for people experiencing 'entities' when the healer / 'lightworker' doesn't perceive any himself. Even at the time that didn't ring true with me.

DZ presumably genuinely believed what he told me, but my general picture built up more recently is that such people as him are being hoodwinked by the dark force, and being fooled into thinking they are removing entities from their clients when really they are just being shown illusions by the dark force posing as their particular 'guidance' (the latter being a 'Divine Support Team' in the case of DZ). And then of course their 'guidance' fools them again to explain why the client still seems to be experiencing 'entities' - by telling the healer / 'lightworker' that real entities were removed, and all that is left is 'self created entities', which would dissolve over time if appropriate healing methods were used.

Also, very significantly, on different occasions and quite independently, two of DZ's one-time clients found on this site some references to the problematical aspects of DZ's healing and therapy work (at the time I somewhat ill advisedly gave his full name here), and wrote to me describing frightening and upsetting experiences they themselves had had in sessions with him, and in both cases they had at the time got the distinct impression that he was possessed and being controlled by some sort of harmful 'spirit', and each had had problematical or downright harmful energies or 'entities' put in their respective energy systems.

When confronted by one of these ex-clients of his about her experiences and continuing problems that seemed to have resulted from her session(s) with him, he was at once on the defensive, claiming that his methods were absolutely 'clear', and that the problems she was experiencing were just part of her own healing process. How on Earth could he ever know such a thing?!

Now, just where have I heard that one before? -- For starters, from GH, the maker of those noxious sacred geometry wands of mine, claiming to me that what were really the massive attacks from the dark force, which had been to a large extent precipitated and facilitated by those sacred geometry 'healing' wands, were just part of my "accelerated healing process"! Can it be just coincidence that my much more recent inner inquiry results are suggestive that both GH and DZ are members of the postulated cacoprotean network and thus are, themselves, actually respective parts of the dark force, albeit presumably unawarely?!

And of course, DZ's claim that my continuing 'entities' problem was just 'self created' entities was part of the same rubbish, which presumably he must dish out to most of his clients. He hadn't really removed anything of significance, yet still took his sessions with me to be another success story of his.

It is through that sort of defensive covering up that therapists and 'healers' like DZ persist in claiming (and presumably actually believing) that they have a very high success rate and no serious problems in their client work. Whatever problems a client experiences during or following on from a session are just something to do with the client, and the session is still added to the therapist's track record of purported successes. -- Caveat emptor, as they say!

Now the really positive side of it all...

However, despite that apparent 'false dawn' and all the sinister aspects, there were important respects in which I did gain from my contact with DZ. I gained a whole new focus on the possibility of finding real means to resolve this troublesome issue, and this was helped by two things that were genuine self empowerment methods.

DZ introduced me to using declarations of intent (DOIs), for taking one's self healing and 'entities' clearance forward supposedly very powerfully - and the use of these was something you do yourself and so without the problems of people actually with their own serious problems seeking to remove entities from one and very likely actually compounding the problem by unawarely implanting harmful 'energy' configurations or even 'entities' of some kind.

Unfortunately those DOIs were of limited effectiveness because they were hopelessly incorrectly formulated, being effectively prayers and supplications to supposed Divine beings to assist you in bringing about your healing and clearance intents, whereas they needed to be real declarations of intent (with no prayer, supplication nor 'thank you' in sight) that referred only to your own deepest aspects as the bringer-about of the intended positive changes. But at least DZ's DOIs were my introduction to that method of working, and this eventually led to my creating my own much more effective ones, which are now a standard part of my healing and self actualization 'armoury'.

I can tell you, I felt to be quite a Charlie, regularly reading out aloud the full set of 'EEI clearance' DOIs of DZ's, and wondering what my immediate neighbours would be thinking if they actually heard the words I was reading out, with all the verbal grovelling to all those purported higher beings - BUT at least I was enthusiastic over having some semblance of at last using some sort of apparently purposeful entity clearance methodology - a big step forward from my gropings about in the previous years of my gross dark force interferences and attacks.

Also, although I can't tell for sure, it is very likely that two little 'energy' devices that he sent me to use (free of charge) did have positive effects in my 'energy' configuration - those effects assisting my life situation in moving swiftly towards really beginning to resolve my pressing issue. I am pretty sure they were produced in a rather similar manner to the Energy Egg family of devices, and worked in a fairly similar manner, though with significant differences too, with much less emphasis on environmental stress protection / immunization but in other respects having a much broader healing functionality, with particular emphasis on facilitating the manifestation of one's self healing intent formulated through formal declarations of intent.

Rather predictably, DZ was a bit snooty about the Energy Egg and Guardian Angel that I had. He 'looked' at them clairvoyantly during one of my telephone sessions with him, and, while he acknowledged that they were sort-of beneficial, he said they (i.e. their alleged programming) was only "5th dimension technology", whereas "Mine are 9th dimension technology, from real Divine beings and Divine consciousness". According to him, the supposed 5th dimension technology of the Energy Egg family of devices could be tampered with, whereas the 9th dimension technology of his own devices, as it came from true Divine sources, couldn't be tampered with at all.

My initial response was to be sure that he was just repeating a lot of bullshit that his 'guidance' (i.e. his so-called Divine Support Team) had given him - and we need to remember that what a person thinks he is seeing clairvoyantly is actually what the dark force is showing that person, with a definite agenda to mislead. However, it was to emerge in late December 2010 that, even when one has filtered out all the belief system / illusory reality stuff about higher 'dimensions' and supposed Divine beings and presences, there does appear to be a fundamental difference between the programming in the two types of device, and I now recognise the Light-Sphere and Energy Stone to be by far the most effective, helpful and safe programmed 'energy' devices that I had yet encountered at that time. That recognition in 2010 was then associated with what appears to be an important breakthrough for me. I write more about this in The Clarity-Sphere - for Advanced Healing and Self Actualization.

My general intuition is that, although these two devices were not producing obviously dramatic changes for me, it was these rather than either the DOIs or anything that DZ did for me, that were bringing about a gentle but progressive strengthening of my whole system in ways that were making me gradually less vulnerable, at least to the worst that the dark force interferences could do to me, and were assisting in (albeit apparently gradually) manifesting the long awaited road to a much faster clearance and self actualization process. I had set such an intent by use of the appropriate DOIs - though it would have been so much more effective if only DZ's format for DOIs, which I'd been using, hadn't been so incredibly naff - so supplicational, grovelling and asking actually fictitious external sources for assistance instead of expressing one's clear intent both from and to deep within oneself.

Ironically, from a late December 2010 perspective, I understand that there was one crucially important way in which those devices were very limited in the extent to which they could assist me: in reducing the impact upon me of environmental stresses. This was actually not because these devices were basically deficient over that, but because the Energy Eggs and Guardian Angel, which themselves are specially biased towards environmental stress 'elimination', were in some way inhibiting the corresponding functionality of the Light-Sphere and Energy Stone. That was a pity, because the programming of the latter two devices works at a more fundamental level, and actually they would have done a more thorough and deeper-seated job of progressively reducing environmental stress effects for me.

If it was "just coincidence", it was at least a pretty freaky coincidence that, about three months after my getting the Light-Sphere and starting to use the DOIs, I had somebody e-mail me to put me in touch with some writings that caused me to drop all the channelling and Divine Support Team rubbish on the spot, and simultaneously to be pointing myself towards the particular 'energy awareness' workshop with the Energy Egg people that was to come little more than a month later and turn out to be the biggest breakthrough point of all in my clearance process. - Of which more further below.

There were some other small but significant ways that I gained from my encounter with DZ. For one thing, he introduced me to the notion that the so-called 'ascended masters' were bogus, and were, according to him, nothing other than 'dark' entities of some kind pretending to be 'pure' higher beings. Although I'd already read something to that effect on some website not long before, I hadn't fully engaged with the notion at that time, so DZ's introduction to that idea woke me up more to it, and I intuitively thought that he could well be right over that. That was a very worthwhile first step towards the great liberation that was soon to come, when I was to recognise ALL 'higher' beings, and indeed all directly discernible non-physical beings (i.e. 'high' or 'low', 'light' or 'dark'), as simply illusions that our 'minds' create under hijack-control from the dark force.

Also, quite late in my dealings with him, in remote 'readings' over the telephone, he told me that my sacred geometry 'healing' wands all in their different ways had problematical 'energy'. He was not going so far as to say they were seriously harmful, and presumably believed that they did have some healing value, but he warned that their energy tended to have a "jagged" and somewhat disruptive quality, and that I needed to be more minimal in my use of them. Although at the time I was suspicious that he was just getting into a bit of rivalry against GH who so 'kindly' made and supplied those wands, even then it felt to be something of a relief that he was noticing something untoward about those wands, for no doubt my deeper aspects were all along still seeking to warn me about their very serious harmfulness.

Thus from then on I stopped using certain of those wands (the ones that DZ said were more troublesome for me), and just used the one that he, with his 'Divine Support Team' guidance, said was better for me at that time - and, in line with his recommendation, I used it more sparingly than I'd tended to before. I was thus well prepared for coming to the understanding that I have nowadays, of the extremely seriously harmful nature of those wands, and the real need at that time to discard them all.

The End of the (DZ) Affair

As you are about to read further below, things really started taking off for me from April and especially May 2007, and my correspondence with DZ gradually almost petered out over the spring and summer of that year. He was seeking to sound accepting of and interested in the new outlook and new methods that I'd taken up, yet I could sense a certain patronization and a grudgingness about that too - a certain feel of "Oh well, if you really think that is helping you - but you really are turning away from the best way to go about it...". Anyway, on the surface he was pretty positive about my really great developments, but clearly seeing it as a progressive parting of the ways rather than indicating any better way for him himself to be pointing.

However, a likely different angle on the situation is pointed to by various observations of mine during my dealings with him, and is supported and expanded through my use of retrospective inner inquiry that included some inner inquiry from his own deeper aspects. For starters, I give a retrospective view of him at the time of my telephone sessions with him, and then will pick up this thread at the end of this section.

DZ had a personal status 'thing' about enlightenment, and prided himself on his (actually pretty well spurious) entity removal abilities. He had sort-of crossed the enlightenment threshold himself, but it was a vague and tenuous enlightenment because he was actually a soul incarnation (albeit his first incarnation from that soul) and thus he had a small amount of dark force sourced programming that had 'capped' his deepest levels of awareness. For practical purposes, thus, his primary 'enlightenment' experience was 'pseudo-enlightenment', in which he was experiencing primarily his soul (with all its confusions) rather than the fully non-dual fundamental consciousness as his fully non-dual 'ultimate'.

Indeed, because of the latter situation it was a very remarkable achievement to have reached even a 'technical' enlightenment at all. He had achieved it at all only through intensive esoteric practices in one or more organizations that loaded him with a belief system that incorporated a lot of personal status garbage relating to enlightenment, including the notion that we each, once basically enlightened, progress through a series of successively higher 'levels' of enlightenment (in other words, gained spiritual 'Brownie points') till eventually we become 'fully enlightened' and then 'ascend', immediately leaving the physical world.

He had picked up from somewhere the belief (no doubt reinforced by his 'Divine Support Team') that he was not just enlightened but had progressed to the kudos-worthy 'Second Level of Enlightenment', and, as already noted, even on the telephone he told me "I am at the Second Level of Enlightenment, and, I am sorry to have to tell you but you are not even enlightened yet" - and went on to make out that the emotional issues that I was still carrying (actually not mine at all but those of the parasitic lost souls attached to me, which his 'Divine Support Team', which of course was effectively the dark force, never showed to him) were an obstacle to my enlightenment. That in turn demonstrated to me for one thing even then that he didn't properly understand what enlightenment was.

When he first became aware of me and my situation (at the end of 2006), in a sort of way he had been genuinely wanting to help me (though not understanding the sort of motivation that tends to underlie such desires to 'help' people), but when he read my account of my crossing the enlightenment threshold he was thrown into confusion, because he could not understand what I was going on about in that account. The point is that he himself had understood from his particular esoteric tradition that enlightenment was defined primarily by one's having a whole range of psychic or 'higher' perceptions and psychic and meditation skills, and here was this oaf of a man who was openly saying that he had become enlightened without ever having formally meditated in his life, and, seeing that this same oaf was showing no signs of all those esoteric skills, he must be pretty rudimentary even as a healer!

Thus, as I understand it now from DZ's own deepest aspects, he was thrown into confusion by that web page of mine, as to whether he himself was really enlightened (for his own deepest aspects would have been quietly giving him signals to the effect of "Yes, that is it! If you pay attention to what he says there you will get back on the rails!"), and, because of an intense personal status issue of his, he was frightened that he himself might not really be enlightened and might be seen as some sort of sham, and thus he had a covert frightened hostility towards me, for he feared that I might show up his true situation. Hence his trying to convince me that I myself wasn't enlightened and that he was 'way above' me, and his being so keen to give me telephone 'entity clearance' sessions during which he could attempt to 'show me who is the real master here', and could exert power over me in trying to use hypnosis and other harmful psychic procedures on me.

In December 2007, DZ sent me a friendly and actually surprisingly positive sounding e-mail in response to my website updates newsletter e-mail, telling me he'd read a fair bit on my website recently then (i.e. with my much revised outlook on the part the dark force is playing in all the manifestations of supposed higher beings and higher realities and all that), and was finding a lot to give him food for constructive thought. All sounding very positive - though I couldn't help pick up a certain tone of patronization in that. He went on to assure me that he was still sure that he was clear of entity or other untoward interferences, and so he had no problems of that sort.

Actually that interest of his wasn't a new departure, because, despite all his posturings, he had shown quite a degree of at least nominal openness to new ideas, and he had been the first person who I had encountered who thought that ascended masters were all just impersonations by 'dark' beings. So, he was clearly already open to the notion of at least some supposed higher beings not being what they appeared to be.

I took this as my cue, for I saw this as a cry for assistance, from none other than his own deepest aspects. I thus wrote to him a carefully expressed and reasoned explanation of the masses of evidence that I had accumulated that all pointed to his having significant interference, deception and control by the dark force, and I made a few suggestions as to methods he could use to start addressing his actually pretty dire situation.

His response was a longish and patronizing, 'courteously abusive' sneering e-mail replete with sarcastic jibes, inconsistencies and a total unwillingness to examine his own situation more deeply. He twisted around various things in my e-mail to use them as debating points against me - the sort of thing only a person in defence of the indefensible would do. Indeed, the whole message was one of seeking to score debating points rather than speak from any real truth of his. Additionally he indicated that he wanted nothing further to do with me (that was fine by me) and even - playing 'little dictator' - asked me to remove from this site all links to his site (something I most certainly would not do on the basis of his request, as it is my decision and not his as to what links I have on this site). DZ even suggested I quite likely had energy implants that were causing me to see 'astral' (i.e. dark force) influence in everyone. All just clutching at straws, so that he could feel that I was somehow 'broken' and not worth paying any attention to, and that he had no cause to scrutinize himself and the nature of his supposed 'higher' perceptions more deeply.

And that was the last I heard from him.

Let's now pick up the previously mentioned 'alternative angle' thread on that situation.

Unlike GH (of the sacred geometry wands), DZ had only a very small amount of soul programming, and, were it not for his direct interferences from the dark force and particularly a very strongly controlling spirit attachment or partial walk-in, he would undoubtedly have sought to collaborate with me on healing and self actualization projects, for he did actually recognise me as somebody whose ideas were potentially important. That is not pure conjecture, because he did initially appear to be aiming for such collaborations between the two of us, and on occasions we did have discussions on certain issues pretty well as equals. However, that quickly got demoted into my just doing English checking and other editorial work on his writings (Czech being his native language), and he increasingly stalled at my mentioning again certain other collaboration possibilities that he had initially sounded to be keen about. He clearly intended to remain the 'boss' and the 'teacher' in all material respects in the case of any future mutual involvement.

The signs had been pretty consistently pointing to his being in a state of considerable ambivalence towards me, because despite his interferences constantly seeking to set him against me and my particular direction, he had little enough soul programming that he really was also wanting to keep in touch with me and to benefit from my own discoveries, which he did see as potentially having importance for him. This is also suggested by his seemingly positive e-mail in December 2007. It was pretty well inevitable that I would have felt a patronizing tone about that message, but that in itself doesn't mean that he wasn't doing his best to be genuine at that point.

Thus his 'courteously abusive' response to my very challenging e-mail then is unlikely to have given a fair picture of where he was really at, with regard to me. I had rather freaked him at that time by challenging him over what he was particularly defensive about, but there is a distinct likelihood (which I have no means to verify, however) that he was subsequently still periodically monitoring this site to see what he could learn from me and my own progress in clearing my 'entities' problem.

An intriguing more recent development has been the disappearance of his website* and indeed apparently there being no further references to him on the Web, for a period that has now got looking significant. I do not know just when his website disappeared, but I think it must have been very early in 2010 or even sometime in 2009 - very likely something like a year before my writing this here. While various causes are possible, such as something untoward having happened to him, one apparent distinct possibility would be that he had read and understood enough on this website to cause him to realize that he had a serious problem and was passing problems on to other people in his therapy sessions - and, if he had thus been influenced by material on this site, he'd also very likely have been in some degree of turmoil of doubt over the New-Agey belief system upon which he had been basing so much of his activities. That could then have resulted in him discontinuing his therapy practice and withdrawing his website until such time as he had sorted himself out to some extent and had worked out what the hell to do about his situation - in particular, what new direction to point himself in.

* One thing that is particularly odd is that his website URL still works, but it just gets a page from his web hosting company to say that his web space is configured and ready for use, and is awaiting uploading of his website material. That would not be cause for comment if it were over a few weeks or perhaps even a month or two - but, more like a year...? Prior to that, he had had a holding page there for quite a long time, which told the visitor something to the effect that the site was down for reworking and would be 'up' again shortly.

So, it looks almost as though, for whatever reason he took the site down, at first he assumed that he would soon have it up and running again in revised form, but he had subsequently realized that he could not restore the site in any form at all in the foreseeable future, so he had then even removed that holding page. It is actually particularly surprising that he took the site down at all, because that was his Web portal or shop window for his business - his livelihood - and he could have simply kept the original site running while he constructed his new site, then eventually replacing the old with the new. Thus his taking the site down would have been a much more serious matter than a non-commercial amateur webmaster taking his own site down, and suggests that something pretty fundamental must have occurred for him to have caused him to have taken such an action.

Because of the pressure from his dark force / 'entity' interference all the time to posture at me, it would have been very difficult for him to actually get in touch with me again, even if he were really wanting to. And as he had broken off from me somewhat abusively and with a statement that he wanted nothing further to do with me, it is not really in order for me to write to him to find out what has been going on.

In one particular respect that appears to be a pity, because, if he had happened to be actually in the process of getting clear of his own particular issues that I identified as being a problem, it would actually have been a very positive move for him and me to set up a collaboration on the Light-Sphere / Energy Stone project, both making those devices more readily available and working to improve upon them. Even as they are, they were actually the best healing and self actualization aids that I had become aware of (i.e. if they were actively used in the right ways), more particularly when used with much more effective declarations of intent (and affirmations) than DZ ever formulated. Such a collaboration would pretty well inevitably have led on to an actualization of what is now my current version of the Clarity-Sphere concept, perhaps significantly earlier than actually happened.

Signs of a physical improvement!

Despite the gloomy prognosis for my hiking or indeed walking much at all, and my assuming that that was correct and I'd just have to adjust to a more restricted and less healthy mode of living, a gentle inner motivation was constantly nudging me into more of a try-and-see sort of approach. I started actually sometimes having a second of those 4-mile easy walks in a week, and then tentatively on the odd occasion extended that to the Countess Wear Swing Bridge over the canal (and back), so making it 5 miles. I was starting to get a definite inner feeling of inevitability that soon I'd actually walk the whole 8 miles down that way to Starcross - and, in early March it actually happened! Wow! Uncomfortable by the end, yes, but not that much, and clearly some degree of recovery was occurring, even if only temporary. Then at the next opportunity I ventured on a real hiking outing again - albeit with considerable trepidation despite this being a very short hike on the rugged coastline from Boscastle to Tintagel (only some 5 miles or so but having some steep and rough ground), hitch-hiking out and back (thus incurring a few more miles in road walking). Again, some discomfort developed, but no great problem.

And so the limit was steadily pushed back till it appeared that a hiking day total of about 10 to 12 miles (including road walking in hitch-hikes) was most likely my safe limit, regardless of the roughness and indeed strenuousness of the terrain (provided I took it a bit gently). Not fully back to the 'good old days', but at least quite healthy and immeasurably better than having no such outings at all.

I can't say how much the Light-Sphere was involved in that improvement, for there was also the Energy Egg and Guardian Angel, progressively retrospectively clearing harmful effects from the 'entities' and other environmental stresses, and I was mindful that that particular arthritis seemed to have been precipitated by the very major attack crisis back in August to September the previous year - so it was quite conceivable that these devices were all assisting the arthritic knee through facilitating a gradual healing of the damage in my energy system caused by that crisis event. As I was to find out much later, that appeared to be very much what was happening, BUT there was another major element of that situation, about which I was to have no inkling till late 2008.

One facilitating factor in that recovery could very well have been the enhanced DOI for physical healing that I periodically used. It was based on DZ's highly flawed venture at that, and still contained the absolutely crazy and (to put it politely) unhelpful supplication and grovelling to purported higher presences, but apart from that, it was a quite strong declaration of intent for an extremely comprehensive physical healing, even though I didn't include in it any specifics about healing that arthritis or that particular knee. That would undoubtedly have helped focus the Light-Sphere's functioning to facilitate particular physical recoveries that could occur at that time - particularly as, although the DOI itself didn't mention the arthritis or the knee, that was still very much in my mind as being a quite pressing healing need.

Letting go of all channelled information

In early April 2007 somebody e-mailed me out of the blue asking me how he might reconcile the writings of Steve Gamble* with my own on this website** - both of which he said he much respected. I read some of Steve's writings and was brought up with a jolt, for, although they were problematical and showing that Steve himself appeared to have a quite serious issue with his own dark force interferences distorting his outlook, those writings had faced me with a number of matters that had been niggling at the back of my mind. The resultant change of outlook of mine is described in Better Without Channelling.

* This link does is not meant to imply any wholesale endorsement of his views.

** At that time this site was entitled Self Realization & Spirituality, and presented a hopelessly dark force led souped up 'New Agey' view of the nature of non-physical 'reality', carrying masses of the convoluted 'story' that I had been channelling, although of course that was all mixed up with lots of genuine and valuable insight too.

So, without concerning myself about whether anything in particular in Steve's writings was correct, I chose at once to let go of all dowsing and channelling and all 'information' gained therefrom, and then set about removing from this site all channelled or channelling-based information except where I wanted to use bits of it to show what confusions the dark force had caused me through all the channelling. That also meant that I let go of all 'spiritual realities', including alleged past lives of mine or anyone else's, and even the 'fact' of reincarnation, because these could never be verified and alternative explanations couldn't be ruled out, and all such information was liable to be distorted or even fully invented by the dark force, and would encourage us to believe in illusory scenarios that would actually obstruct our progress to full self actualization and full freedom from 'dark' interference and influences.

My aim was not actually to dismiss reincarnation and past lives of my own, for I had no means of knowing that I hadn't had previous lifetimes. I was just letting go of all views on the subject and concentrating on living life in the present.

As for the matter of recognising ALL supposed higher beings as creations of the dark force (since then I have sharpened up my understanding of how best to describe them), this marked one of my key turnaround points in getting clear of dark force interference. Previously, whenever I'd resolved not to channel, I had still assumed that there was a genuine 'higher source' that I'd been attempting to channel from, and I was just getting interference from 'lower' beings, and all I'd got to do was to get rid of those interfering entities and I'd be able to channel properly. So, I had kept reverting to channelling again, because I was hoping that I would be getting less and less interference and thus better and better channelling.

What I had now come to understand at last was that channelling was intrinsically 'of the dark side', and so the name of the game was to keep completely out of that and not to work from or with anything non-physical apart from my own deepest aspects - and never to treat any part of my consciousness at all as though it were an external being or anything at all separate from myself. So, no 'higher consciousness' nor 'higher self'. Also, no 'inner child', though fortunately I always recognised that latter notion as being harmful rubbish - not that people actually channel from the purported 'inner child' anyway.

That was a great liberation for me, for I now realized I didn't have to worry about when I'd be able to channel without interference, and could apply my time and awareness to other, much healthier things. Also, I realized that, because I was from then on not heeding any of the intruded answers to my thoughts, this would be greatly disempowering to the 'entity' interferers (i.e. the dark force), and, over time such interferences would be bound to become progressively weaker. It would also make impossible any more of the most major type of 'entity' (i.e. dark force) sourced crisis event to happen for me, for one central aspect of the mechanism of such crises had been to get me increasingly embroiled in some big and convoluted story that I was being given - and now I couldn't be given any 'story' any more - at least, in such a open and indeed brazen way.

Initially I felt a little unsure of myself with regard to abandoning contacts with my supposed Divine Support Team (which DZ had guided me into setting up), for I found it a little harder to let go of the notion that they were a genuine group of beneficial and well intentioned higher beings, there to assist me, and I had a niggling feeling that they might in some way be hurt or offended at my spurning their availability to assist. It is pretty obvious to me in retrospect that that was the dark force giving me covert pseudo-thoughts, with feelings to match, to try to get me continuing to involve myself with the 'Divine Support Team' and thus the dark force. Anyway, I was determined to be consistent, and so I rather self consciously turned my nose up at them too. Unsurprisingly really, I observed no hint of reaction from them, and over a few weeks they simply faded out of my life experience - though unfortunately the intruded 'no' flashes from the dark force in response to thoughts of mine continued, though now being easier to ignore, now that I had a clear policy of not responding to any communications from non-physical sources.

There was, however, one thing that I had been able to sort-of obtain through channelling (albeit with troublesome unreliability), which would have been really handy to retain, if only it could be done without interference. That was, to be able to establish what choices of mine at any particular time were or would be helpful or hindering for me, including food choices and means to address health and environmental stress issues and so forth, and means to further my self actualization and 'entity' clearance process, and to test people out for compatibility / potential problems relating to me.

This is where my interest revived in a procedure that the Energy Egg producers Stephen and Lynda Kane, trading as Realheath-online, The LED Partnership and various other names, called energy testing...

Thus, so it was that, admittedly pushing through some feelings of resistance that I assumed were coming from the 'entities'*, I got myself booked on one of their Energy Awareness Training workshops, primarily to see if I could learn to do energy testing sufficiently well to avoid 'entity' (i.e. dark force) interference and actually get relatively reliable results...

* In retrospect from my viewpoint of well into 2010, I think that although, yes, the dark force would have been involved in those feelings of resistance, it was actually simply amplifying and distorting real 'caution' messages that were quietly coming from my own deeper aspects. I am pretty sure that the cautions would not have been actually to dissuade me from going on one of those workshops, but rather, they would have been indicating that I needed to be circumspect about Stephen and Lynda because of certain aspects of their whole outlook and modus operandi that would be bound to give rise to problems between them and me, and their basing their work in a particular version of New-Agey 'spirituality' and not what I myself regard as genuine self actualization.

Those reservations of mine were strongly underlined at the end of 2009 when somebody who had had cause to ask Stephen and Lynda for their views about me and my ill fated original Clarity-Sphere project forwarded to me a copy of their reply, which contained a brazen misinformational character assassination dossier on me, which went mind-bogglingly further than just saying that they could see no sign of programming in my 'Clarity-Spheres' and thought there was a fault in my energy testing. If they had kept just to simple observed facts there would have been no issue between me and them.

Indeed it was extremely helpful to me to be 'challenged' over the 'Clarity-Sphere', and, as noted much further below, at that point I acted with integrity and immediately re-checked and rectified my energy testing technique, recognised my previous energy testing error, and dropped the Clarity-Sphere project like a hot brick (i.e. pending reworking of the project), 'eating humble pie' over the matter in public. But the rest of the dossier was gratuitous to put it 'politely', and consisted of gross distortions and some outright fabrications, supposedly to 'prove' to readers of that dossier that I was mentally disordered (indeed, a "paranoid schizophrenic" - even psychiatric doctors didn't go that far in their 'diagnoses'!), emotionally unstable, and had serious personality defects, and was clearly a dangerous person who everyone would do well to ignore and keep well clear of.

As things are at the moment I have no plans to publicly speculate as to why the Kanes were sending out such low-grade-politician-style misinformation about me, but when I very gently challenged them about this at the beginning of 2010 the response I got was a bullish assertion that they were doing nothing wrong because copies of that dossier were not being made public and were being sent only privately to individuals who had asked them for their views about me. Apparently, in their view it was all right to carry out a misinformational character assassination campaign against me as long as it was in private, and, one could say, 'between consenting adults'. And they were not willing to give me any assurance that they would not send out such clearly deliberate misinformation about me in the future. Their whole stance towards me was that they were the 'professionals' and were thus right, never mind how much they chose to misrepresent me and my work in a bid to maintain their professional and social status, and I wasn't such a 'professional' and was thus wrong on all counts, and had no business to publicly express reservations about them, their work or any of their products.

- And coincidentally these people are running a successful business in which they are presenting themselves to the general public as being some sort of expert and teachers / gurus on life improvement.

At least for the time being I am keeping my copy of that dossier to myself and close friends only, unless a specific really clear need arises for me to share it with anyone else.

You can therefore perhaps imagine my own dilemma about my really having to give some of the Kane's methods and products very strongly positive coverage on this site at the present time, when really, in the light of their problematical outlook and attitude, it would be better if they and their own methodology had no mention in any of my pages at all, and I could present a full range of self actualization methods fully independently of the Kanes and their products.

That is indeed the direction in which I am pointing myself, but it will take time for me to bring about that transition, so for the moment I am having to live with an uneasy anomaly and contradiction on this site - albeit tempered now as I have gone through the site amending the perspective of the relevant information.

My real forward direction opens up, at last!

So, in mid-May 2007 I attended the abovementioned workshop - a two-day one, in which I picked up what were to be the first building blocks of my own genuine self actualization methodology. However, their methods were billed and presented not as full self actualization methods in the sense that I mean, but simply as life improvement methods, and it was clear from their literature and what they said in the workshop, that the direction of their further workshops and 'training' would be very much in a 'spirituality' direction, which represented their own idea of 'self realization'. That pointed to the inevitability of a very early parting of the ways between me and the Kanes - even though I would still have good reason to obtain more of their Energy Egg 'family' of devices to use as part of my own developing methodology.

I should thus emphasize that the tremendous gains that I made from that workshop were on the basis that I had a very clear self actualization intent and I immediately took up various of their methods and adapted them into a genuine self actualization context as defined by me on this site. Thus people in general who go on their workshops would not in anything like such great measure be embarking on the sort of self actualization direction and process, and clearance of dark force interferences, that has been a hallmark of my own life in recent years. Unless they were exceptionally independent-minded and strong-willed about their own self actualization intent they would simply get sidetracked into yet another 'flavour' of spirituality - albeit with some pretty good life improvement methods to help keep them locked into that sidetrack.

I have removed what I had originally written here about the workshop, because I had been enthusiastically presenting it as a genuine way forward for anyone serious about self actualization, and really that was an unbalanced and misleading portrayal of the actual situation - stemming from my own unbalanced enthusiasm at that time simply because at last I was beginning to use methods that, with my particular 'non-spirituality' self actualization intent, were assisting me in turning my own life around and progressively weakening the dark force interferences upon me.

It became clear subsequently to the workshop that the Kanes did not take kindly to my adapting and further developing the methods that I had picked up from them, and my then making my own adaptations available to others, and so eventually I got the occasional complaints from that quarter, to the effect that I was, allegedly, breaching their copyright by reproducing significant tracts of their workshop 'training' manual on this site - which actually I had not done in the slightest. That and the odd other generally false accusations against me eventually led on to the character assassination dossier (mentioned in the annotation at the end of the previous section) being compiled. That dossier, among many other things, made it clear that the Kanes regarded themselves as the sole 'professionals' and experts relating to their methods, so that they regarded me as just a bumbling novice / amateur who was posing as 'instant expert' on their methods after a two-day workshop (whereas the reality was that I was the sole expert on my own adaptation and extension of their methods into my own genuine self actualization context).

They completely failed to understand that, far from just being a novice with the experience of a two-day workshop of theirs, I was a very long-standing pioneer on my own self actualization process, and had a remarkable ability to take up like a duck to water any methods that were really appropriate for my purposes, and to adapt and extend them to make them more effective for my own self actualization purposes. Yes, I had been through some tough times and negotiated various troublesome blind alleys, but unlike other people into self healing / self actualization, I had not fallen into the trap of a belief system but had used my own clarity of mind to learn from my errors and get back on course - to the extent of finally getting altogether clear of the whole 'spirituality' mindset. The Kanes would have had a pretty good idea of that if they had read through this website properly, but instead they read through it only to find ammunition to use against me in their dossier, in which I was portrayed, as I say, as having set myself up as an expert on their methods on the basis of just a two-day workshop that I had attended.

All that again points to the Kane's workshops as NOT being a worthwhile direction for people in general who want to embark on a genuine self actualization process and to promote self actualization in others, notwithstanding the many good life improvement methods on offer in those workshops. Those methods actually come within a constricted and very limiting context in which they are all seen as parts of a saleable package that you are not entitled to use in full accordance with the breadth, creativity and fullness of your own self actualization potential and intent, and in which you are expected to continue to recognise the Kanes as being 'the professionals' and sole 'experts' relating to what they possessively regard as their methods. Thus anyone who takes up anything of the Kanes' methodology and is strongly motivated for genuine self actualization beyond the confines of their 'spirituality' oriented approach, and who wants to 'go independent' and make such methods more widely available, will at once come into conflict with the Kanes and have a difficult time with them.

The main aspects of my enhanced self actualization process that resulted from what I took and adapted from that workshop were:

• Living with positive intent, using energy testing and generally cultivating a grounded, non-astrally connected 'energy awareness' to enable me to consistently make life choices, both major and minor, that would be strengthening and not weakening for me - or at least to choose the least weakening option where all options would be weakening.
  I thus started making consistently strengthening (i.e. most healthy) choices of food and even particular food supplements (extra vitamins, minerals etc to counter specific imbalances that I identified in my system) for me to use.
• Paying proper attention to eliminating or at least minimizing environmental stress influences that affect me, and to retrospectively clearing my lifelong accumulation of environmental stress damage in my non-physical aspects.
• A much fuller and more purposeful use of my Energy Egg and Guardian Angel, to greatly facilitate the latter environmental stress damage clearance process, and to also start directing myself towards a more effective strategy and methodology with the Energy Egg 'family' of devices for progressively weakening my dark force interferences and attacks - though much of the direction that I was to take in that respect was my own and marked a departure that was to be a major part of the rift that was to develop between me and the Kanes.
• Using a collection of mostly daily practices - generally of a yogic nature - to progressively strengthen my non-physical aspects, including healing all distortions and 'localized' weaknesses, so progressively rendering myself immune to 'entity' and dark force related attachments, interferences and attacks. One thing that was very new to me about all those practices was that they were producing significant healing effects without cause for any attention being given to 'story' about what was supposedly amiss in one's 'energy system' or what had gone on for one in the past. Thus I was able to completely drop all the 'story' that I had accumulated from all my channelling, and from then on it didn't matter a toss what had happened in any past lives of mine or indeed whether I had ever had any past lives. It also made no difference whether or not any of my issues had been caused by the presence of attached lost souls or indeed any other sort of attachment, for the methods were the same regardless.

As part of my new 'living with positive intent' based on my new cultivation of 'energy awareness' and making only 'strengthening' choices and actions, within a couple of weeks of the workshop I had bought a new and better camera (to enable me to take some particular photos to enhance my flat by neutralizing particular environmental stresses), and then got the idea - supported by my energy testing to see if this would be for my ultimate good at this time - to set up a new website to present and offer for sale the high-grade photos of nature and wild scenery subjects that I'd be taking on my hikes with the new camera. The project was to be named Clear Mind Photos*, and duly got under way.

* In 2011 I had cause to change the name to Broad Horizon Photos, owing to circumstances beyond my control.

My daily use of the new practices was powerfully and consistently increasing a deep and very grounded and 'present' happiness and security about me. This was not going up and down, but was incrementing every day as I continued to use the practices. This was progressively shifting the centre of my awareness more and more strongly away from the intrusions from the dark force, so that although it did still intrude and interfere, it was increasingly easy to disregard, even while I kept fully vigilant and aware of all its little (attempted) tricks that still continued.

In late May, about a week after the workshop, the 'entities' (i.e. dark force) did try a last-ditch attempt to unseat me and make me flee in terror from the new methods - for 'they' put upon me a sustained crisis-level attack full of little messages pretending to be my own thoughts to the effect that the new practices had fully opened me to the 'entities' so that now they were taking me over. The manner in which the dark force did this would have really freaked most people if they had experienced anything like that.

Fortunately by then I well knew the sort of tricks the 'entities' played (deceit being 'their' middle name and every other name of theirs too!). I contacted the Crisis Resolution Team and had a couple of those lovely people visit me for a chat, then explaining to them articulately what was happening and that there was nothing to be worried about at all, and that they were serving their purpose for me admirably simply by enabling me to get my awareness more grounded again. That was enough for me to defuse that attack, quickly restoring my balance of awareness. I very much doubted whether the 'entities' could put on another such strong attack after that (though of course ultimately only time would tell).

Although I count such events as crises when the attacks get disruptive and I have to enlist a bit of assistance from the Crisis Team or anyone else in the caring professions, these weren't really in the same league as the major crisis events from 2004 to early 2007, when what seemed to be extremely bullying 'guidance' had focused very intrusive attention on me and had got me embroiling myself with lots of convoluted (and downright crazy) 'story' that it was giving to me, ungrounding my awareness and wearing me down with a succession of ordeal-laden nights with no sleep.

The dark force did still attack at times with sexual arousal, seeking to get me inappropriately lustful after certain young(ish) men who I had seen or encountered on my travels, but its main ongoing nuisance-making was the continuing interference with my anus and pee sphincter - the resultant anal clenching quite often being very painful as it aggravated the otherwise mild haemorrhoids there, and then the discomfort from that was amplified and distorted to give a raw burning feeling as though my anus was a raw open wound that had just been rubbed with coarse sandpaper or was being cut open further with a razor blade. This actually led to formation of an anal fistula, that was to remain with me till it was finally removed by surgery and then natural healing in 2010.

My concentration on the new practices, the use of which didn't involve needing to believe any theory or model of higher realities or higher beings, reinforced my complete relinquishment of all 'story' to my life, so that I was at last able to live in a distinctly more grounded way, joyfully accepting the here-and-now.

As part of my clearing out the earlier dark force influences, at an early stage I actually consigned to landfill all those seemingly precious sacred geometry healing wands, which I had been using so extensively on myself. Whatever good intentions GH had presumably had when making and supplying them, he simply didn't realize that he himself was being seriously led astray and indeed to a significant extent controlled by the dark force, and was unwittingly working as one of its helpers, as are ALL healers / 'lightworkers' within the New Age mindset and virtually all other healers / 'lightworkers' too, as far as I can ascertain - all because they are failing to consistently work ONLY from their core essence in their healing work and for the gaining of necessary information for healing and positive life change purposes, and are consistently failing to be deeply self scrutinizing in a healthily sceptical manner, so that they stay unawarely imprisoned within their particular belief systems. Indeed, GH had been displaying some bizarre behaviour towards me that raised serious questions about what was really going on for him, and indeed appeared to be pointing to his conscious motivations towards me having indeed been or at least become quite sinister rather than genuinely positive.*

* I expand on that in The Dark Force ('Astral Entities') - My Own Tough Experiences.

Because of the completely 'non-story' way that I had then come to be living and working on myself, I discarded any view as to whether the 'entity' manifestations still interfering with me were 'real' or were self-created as DZ had claimed. Fortunately from my new perspective I well understood that I didn't need to know whether the interferences were from one type of source or another. I simply carried out my practices every day and kept my attention on my then very much improving everyday life experience. Within my mind, for some purposes I regarded the 'entities' as 'real' (i.e. external and separate from myself), while for other purposes I regarded them as just a wayward part of my 'mind'. I saw neither view as true or false, but I simply used what assumption helped at any particular moment.

...As you can see from the relevant part of The True Nature of 'The Dark Force' and its Interference and Attacks, although I was then not completely 'there' with regard to the best way to regard the 'entity' manifestations, at least I was moving in that direction.

Further progress with the walking / hiking

Meanwhile, what happened then about my arthritic right knee? -- In fact its recovery accelerated since the May workshop. I realized that if my new self actualization methods - especially the Returning Life Sequence - were any good, there was bound to be further improvement. The first intimation that this might actually be happening came through my early energy testing. I rather ruefully pictured myself hiking the 21 miles plus over 1100 metres of ascent on the coast path from Exmouth to Beer sometime in the future, and energy tested on it - and got a clear 'strengthening' response to that. "Pull the other one!", I thought, assuming that this must be another bit of 'entity' interference, giving yet another promise of something great that could never happen. But no matter how much I sought to falsify my testing on that mental image, I still got a consistent 'strengthening' to it.

Not only that, but, still taking that to be a sort of 'pie in the sky' for just maybe a few years' time if I were very lucky, when I tested on that notion I got a 'weakening' response, and then consistent 'strengthening' responses to my testing on the notion of doing that whole walk again actually later in the year! "Well, maybe...", I thought to myself very dubiously - but I saw that the real practical point of this was not prediction of the future, which one couldn't do via true energy testing (and which is extremely problematical when it is done through dowsing or channelling, because of the dark force involvement), but rather, giving me a focus and particularly an indication that it was not 'strengthening' for me to be sitting on my meagre laurels and continuing to restrict my hiking mileage to that maximum of 10-12 miles in a day, and for my best health I needed to progressively increase my mileage. That was the only way I could actually find out my true limits.

So, using energy testing to assist me in the choice of location and route for each hike, I successively upped the length and strenuousness of hikes, till on 30th July I had a real epic day out, walking the 18 miles and over 1500 metres of ascent from Polzeath to Tintagel. Admittedly the knee was hurting a fair amount by the end, but my energy testing still indicated that this was not a real problem - though it made sense to try to minimize further walking that day in the return hitch-hike. Amusingly, my not walking the extra mile at the end to my usual return hitch-hiking spot in Bossiney resulted in a particular delay in getting away from Tintagel, and my getting stuck at the main junction on the A30 at Launceston, where I stood by the slip road all night (this being my first ever all-night hitch-hike), having to keep shivering strongly for nearly all the time, for it was an exceptionally cool night for July. I was concerned about all the extra work for that knee, and of course I was already feeling pretty 'knackered' from the hike, but my energy testing enabled me to keep monitoring my system and making the most 'strengthening' choice as to whether to stay there or to walk into the town and try to get a bit of assistance from a passing police patrol - the latter option getting avoided by probably a gnat's whisker.

Despite all that, there were no troublesome repercussions for the knee - and indeed, in August, just two days before I started receiving my State pension (age 65), I really did walk the 21 miles and over 1100 metres of ascent from Exmouth to Beer once more - actually not quite such a hard walk overall as Polzeath to Tintagel. Naturally the knee hurt a bit again towards the end, but again my inner inquiry supported by energy testing indicated that this didn't represent any cause for concern. Indeed, as far as I could ascertain, the particular nagging pain that did still come up like that in my hikes was not the arthritis at all, which itself was no longer causing any pain, and was a very rapidly receding issue. This remaining issue was something non-arthritic and much less serious, relating to a particular stress on a ligament of that knee, resulting from a slight malalignment, and, in addition, this itself was on the way out, though it would recede only gradually over months or indeed years.

The latter prognosis of mine proved to be quite correct, and, naturally with ups and downs, that nagging pain manifested progressively less in my hikes, so that during 2008 the norm was increasingly to be without it. Also, when it did appear, it usually appeared NOT so much (or at all) towards the end of a hike, but temporarily when I was approaching places where I would terminate the walk if there were some sort of problem for me.

Basically, what was happening (and still does) is that the dark force detects 'micro-discomforts' that are too small by far for one to actually consciously feel, and enormously magnifies particular ones if that would in any way serve its disruptive and harmful agenda. And so, the dark force would cause me to feel that pain (and indeed certain other pains too) towards particular 'escape route' points on a hike in order to try to discourage me from continuing on the hike. Thanks to energy testing and my related ability to interrogate normally hidden areas of my 'mind', in every case I could find out what was really happening, and so would continue beyond each particular 'escape route', the pain(s) then rapidly fading away.

The true nature of 'my' emotional issues and past life experiences

During my sessions in early 2007 with DZ, he had approximately concurred with my own channelled information, that I had (purported) healing connections ('energy cords') to a number of other supposedly closely 'soul-connected' people, which were adding to my load for self healing work, so that I was actually unwittingly healing those people too. That fiction was first channelled to me during my major crisis event in late August to early September 2006, and it had made a degree of sense for me, for it had at last given an explanation of why I seemed to be carrying such a huge load of trauma to heal. In the story that I'd channelled, it was allegedly 26 people thus connected to me, and whose emotional traumas I was healing every time I had some emotional healing process occurring supposedly for myself.

However, DZ's reinforcement of that notion was very confused and contradictory, and actually left me wondering a bit about the truth of any information about the trauma material that I was either carrying or at least connected to. DZ had been keen to emphasize to me that, according to him, I still had quite a lot of trauma material of my own to heal, including a trauma of my alleged 'higher self' and a major soul trauma from early in the formation of this Cosmos, but I was very suspicious of that and held that notion at arm's length, because it looked very much like part of the strong personal status trip that he was running on me during our telephone sessions early in the year. As already noted, in those sessions he had come out with various statements and behaviours that were really quite outrageous in their absurdity in his posturing as being my mentor and thus supposedly superior to and more advanced than me.

As soon as I had got reading some of Steve Gamble's writings in April 2007, I realized that the scenario that Gamble was presenting, in which people get degraded parasitic lost souls attached to them, carrying a lot of accumulated trauma, those lost souls then being responsible for much or even all of what the people experience as their own past life memories and traumas, could account very nicely for what was going on for me. That would also cut out all the highly problematical 'story' about previous lifetimes of mine and non-incarnated soul existences of mine in the far reaches of the past. -- But of course, if I wasn't channelling any more, I had no information source with which I could even begin to corroborate such a scenario.

However, once I had energy testing, and ventured into using it in 'mental testing' mode for quite versatile inner inquiry (albeit of a somewhat speculative nature), in which I was testing hypotheses and not just actual objects and situations and choices, I found I was getting a consistent 'strengthening' response to the notion that it was indeed parasitic lost souls attached to me that were the real culprit, and that the 'energy cords' story was complete fiction, clearly to act as a decoy for me because actually when I had channelled the fiction about the alleged 'energy cords', really my own deepest aspects had even then been seeking to pass to my 'ordinary mind' the true information, but of course the dark force had relayed it to me distorted very considerably to try to divert me from ever finding the correct information.

Indeed, once I found the relevant information in Steve Gamble's writings, the dark force immediately gave me some very menacing attacks to try to scare me right away from his writings. Even then I had been pretty sure that that response was an immediate sign that I was on the right track.

With inner inquiry supported by energy testing I was able, over time, to build up a clearer and more helpful working model of the situation than Steve had come up with, and the fruits of that are presented in The True Nature of 'The Dark Force' and its Interference and Attacks.

That was the homework - now onto the offensive!

During the late summer and autumn of 2007, using inner inquiry / energy testing to indicate what was working or likely to work, I got more creative about my use of the Guardian Angel and Energy Egg, adapting a supposed entity clearance method using those devices, to make it more effective, and I was using this daily. In addition, I was doing a lot of Self-Power Walking, and from September onwards, periodically it seemed that a new cloud would lift from me, and clearly something very positive was happening. My inner inquiry was indicating the successive departure of parasitic lost souls that had been attached to me, but even now I do not know whether that was really what was happening at that time.

The 'entities' (i.e. the dark force) were still able to attack me, but  in mid 2008 I found that a major mechanism in most if not all the attacks was the use of illusory realities that the dark force covertly builds up in rather 'secret' areas of one's mindspace, so that I was able to progressively immunize myself against attacks exploiting a particular vulnerability, by using each attack to identify the particular illusory reality and 'zap' it with the very powerful Grounding Point procedure, which I really got using powerfully in early 2008. Inner inquiry or 'mental testing' played an important part in that, in assisting me in identifying the particular key illusory realities or hidden beliefs that would be most effective to 'zap'. Each attack, therefore, is another 'handle' for enabling me to immunize myself still further, and, once a particular illusory reality has been dissolved, it cannot be so easily re-created and thus it cannot be used again so readily or at least so effectively in an attack. Thus the options available to the dark force for launching future attacks on me appear to be steadily on the decline.

The reason why the Grounding Point procedure really took off and became 'ground-breakingly' powerful in early 2008 was...

Enter the Clarity-Sphere - 'the real McCoy' that wasn't quite!

On 22nd January 2008 started a saga that was to burst like a bubble at the very end of 2009 - in which what I was thinking of just as energy testing, but was really the less reliable 'mental testing' version, led me into supposedly developing a superior, much more comprehensively functional and versatile healing aid than the Energy Egg family of devices, and I called it the Clarity-Sphere. The 'bad news' that I finally got at the end of 2009 was that the supposed programming that I had put into the spheres was non-existent, and thus any work and projects that depended on that programming had actually been unable to work.

The Good News, however, was that these spheres had been having very positive healing and positive life change effects when used in a variety of procedures - not only for me, but for at least a fair proportion of people who bought ones from me, regardless of their lack of programming. There was actually no 'magic' about this, and it wasn't simply a matter of 'suggestion'. It turns out that we had all been training ourselves to use these actually unprogrammed spheres as very effective 'resonators' or 'focusing points' of our positive healing intent, and so they had proved that unprogrammed spheres of suitable stone type could be very effective healing aids in their own right. So, at the beginning of 2010 my erstwhile Clarity-Sphere web page was replaced with Stone Spheres as Healing and Self Actualization Aids.

Living with the 'Clarity-Sphere' that wasn't

I did labour this site with quite a bit of 'story' about what was happening for me while using the supposed Clarity-Sphere (i.e. its first 'incarnation'), but I have removed most of that now as it doesn't really take anyone forward in their own lives to read all that. Fortunately, by using the sphere (my 'working' one was a 90mm aventurine one) as a resonator and focusing aid for my healing and positive life-change intents, I was actually giving myself a range of types of what many people would call 'spiritual' healing. The crucial difference from almost all of that was that this was not involving or invoking any external energy or 'presence', and was purely from my own deepest aspects.

This was particularly fortunate because I had actually reduced some of the other practices I was doing because my faulty 'energy testing' (i.e. 'mental testing', which had gone astray) indicated that the Clarity-Sphere was increasing the efficiency of the various practices so that I supposedly didn't need to use them so much, and indeed I actually discontinued Self-Power Walking, doing it only very rarely and for very short sessions. I had also put away the Light-Sphere and Energy Stone that I had had from DZ, having incorrectly determined that those were redundant for me then.

Anyway, I steadily got a clearer-minded, happier and more buoyant life experience regardless of any deficiencies in my daily schedule of healing practices, and increasingly I really felt this even on the increasingly rare occasions when the dark force attacked significantly - the disgusting feelings then seeming remarkably superficial. So, I was clearly doing a lot that was right for me, despite my error about the Clarity-Sphere. Additionally, two ongoing great aids to this end were:

• Consistent use of inner inquiry / energy testing for 'living with positive intent'. Well, at the time I thought it was the most reliable form of energy testing, and sometimes it was genuinely so, but in retrospect I recognise that more usually it was really the less reliable but more versatile 'mental testing' that I had been using. However, for the most part I still got extremely helpful indications for keeping all my choices as far as possible to strengthening ones and thus making my life direction consistently one of improvement.

• Walking and hiking! Having restored my right knee, I maintained the aim to have one or two single day hikes per week, generally strenuous and as long as time sensibly allowed - up to some 21 miles and anything up to about 1500 metres of ascent - always solo, and hitch-hiking to and from the walking route (all within the day), when the weather was in my estimation suitable for that purpose (which meant some long hiatuses, especially in the winter). In addition I had been having a short(ish) local walk down by the River Exe and Exeter Ship Canal on other days, which could be as little as two miles, but was more usually more like 7 miles and could extend to the 8 miles to Starcross. I was thus actually doing significantly more walking miles per week (in like conditions) than I was ever doing before I had the arthritis in my right knee. Please note, all you non-walkers and non-hikers, that I include these activities as not just a valid but an important healing / self actualization method - especially because it is so grounding when carried out properly (no personal stereo and no mobile phone, for a start!)

Things get still simpler - recognising the 'entities' as non-entities!

A major change with far reaching effects in June 2008 was my coming to the understanding at last, that the astral 'entities' were most helpfully regarded as not being awarely conscious beings at all but as just a sort of 'rogue programming' made up of thought form complexes that may have been just the remnants of parts of the minds of people who had got their awareness trapped in the astral sub-reality at various times during the history of human-type beings in this universe and any other contemporaneous or previous universes. I write more about this in The True Nature of 'The Dark Force' and its Interference and Attacks, where I develop that view quite a bit.

I have since sharpened up that view quite a bit, but it was still a great step forward at that time.

I found this view of the dark force to be extremely empowering and liberating, and although the interferences didn't actually cease, they then seemed much more inane and inconsequential, and thus they had reduced ability to disrupt my daily life. This would make the remainder of the clearance process easier and more speedy.

The intrusive visual 'no' flashes in response to thoughts of mine had become weaker and weaker and had become rare enough that some whole days were passing without my noticing any at all. They did have their fluctuations, so once in a while I would get a short burst of them - particularly while I was thinking that I hadn't noticed any 'no' flashes lately!

Even though mild and brief attacks still occurred from time to time, it had seemed that I was well beyond the possibility of any further severe and particularly crisis level attacks occurring. So it was a surprise for me when, in May 2008, I did get another crisis level one. That attack is described in Anatomy of a Dark Force ('Astral Entities') Attack Crisis. As explained on that page, that crisis event didn't mean that I hadn't made such brilliant progress after all, but rather that there were still the odd means by which the dark force could cause trouble in certain very specific types of situation where I got some particularly strong emotional 'button pushing'. However, by breaking cover and giving such attacks, the dark force was actually showing me what still needed clearing from my system in order to be still more invulnerable to it, and thus was unwittingly aiding my self actualization and clearance process.

Thus the particular crisis event enabled me to apply very simple focused healing and clearance work* to the particular vulnerability that the dark force had exposed, so that its ability to exploit that particular vulnerability in future was thus more or less eliminated over a pretty short period.

* Basically just tuning my Energy Egg to the attack (its 'button-pushing' aspect), and identifying the underlying illusory reality and 'zapping' it with the Grounding Point procedure, and also in some cases doing a little Self-Power Walking. More recently (2011) the Energy Egg was replaced with the new, differently conceived version of the Clarity-Sphere.

New light on shedding clothes and exposing oneself to sunlight

The new feature in my walks, which, according to my inner inquiry / energy testing, is at this stage considerably aiding my clearance and grounding process, is to have my top half as well as my legs and arms exposed to the sun (conditions allowing, and avoiding as far as possible getting significantly burnt). This has been a surprise for me to have arrived at, because my skin type is generally regarded as high risk for malignant melanoma, and I had been keeping my torso hidden from the sun ever since my rather reckless sunbathing days in the early to mid 1970s (after which I had 'woken up' about the cancer risks associated with strong sunlight).

In fact when I had been doing that sunbathing I had actually been considerably increasing my skin cancer risk, because certain environmental stress factors had already predisposed me towards a whole range of skin cancer types, some of which could be activated by strong sunshine. Since then, a variety of types of small and (according to the medics) benign skin growths developed, mostly on the front of my middle torso, but my inner inquiry now is suggestive that they were actually all steadily heading for future cancer development - something that the medics had no way of knowing.

The pointers from my inner inquiry suggest that the original initiation or predisposing factor for those growths was primarily my extended exposure to high concentrations of xylene vapour during my research work on biting midges at the Animal Virus Research Institute (as it was called then) at Pirbright, Surrey, in 1967-72. However, what triggered the growths' actually appearing was exposure to a lot of house dust mite faeces, which had a particularly high concentration in the air in a miserably cold and rather damp flat in Haldon Road, Exeter, in which I had lived from 1983 to 1989.

According to that scenario, the exposure to xylene vapour had also rendered a small number of my many extant moles into 'ticking time bombs' which, without powerful and comprehensive self healing, would have inevitably become malignant melanomas - the subsequent exposure of my upper half to strong sunshine during my sunbathing days having set a seal on their long-term 'trajectory' towards malignancy.

In the event, my use of (initially) the Energy Egg and Guardian Angel (from 2006), and then the ongoing use of the Returning Life Sequence (the most powerful healer of all that sort of thing), had apparently healed all those earlier environmental stress effects, leaving the various growths and the potentially cancerous moles pretty well benign for practical purposes. As I understand it, some of them still have some cancer risk just now, but this is still fairly rapidly declining towards zero, and thus, while sensible vigilance is still required, they are for practical purposes no longer a threat.

Also, my inner inquiry results suggest that this healing process has made my skin now very much less vulnerable (but not invulnerable!) to ultra-violet (UV) light - even the dreaded UVB. Indeed, the picture I now have through use of inner inquiry is that for people generally, the main part of the cancer risk linked to UV light (in modest amounts) exists only because of various environmental stresses having resulted in eventual weakening of the skin cells in ways that predispose certain of them to particular types of cancer, which can then be triggered by all manner of other factors, UV light being a quite potent one.

As I understand it now, without that cancer predisposition, not only is sunlight on one's skin not particularly carcinogenic (provided one doesn't go doing silly things and repeatedly getting significantly burnt by it, and also provided that the exposure is not pretty well all day, every day over an extended period), but it is actually highly beneficial - and that goes even for the much maligned UVB part of it!

That is why I am now following the indications of my inner inquiry / energy testing and going on my walks and hikes whenever possible and practical with my top half uncovered as well as my arms and legs. Contrary to all the usual medical advice, I am doing this even in the middle of the day with the sun at its highest, and without using sun cream - though naturally this has required a cautious building-up process, in which my energy testing has indicated when it is best for me to be uncovered or covered. My inner inquiry has consistently indicated that all sun creams have their own harmful effects, which are, generally speaking, invisible environmental stress effects that would add further to one's burden of physical and probably mental weaknesses and problems as one gets older.

I must emphasize that I am NOT saying that it is thus always bad to use sun cream. If your skin is cancer-prone (as it probably is, because of your own past environmental stresses), if you are going out into strong sunshine, and especially at high altitudes or at significantly lower latitudes, then more harm would most likely come to you through not using sun cream or otherwise protecting yourself. Indeed, I myself, although not using sun cream here in lowland England, would have to use it at altitude and especially if crossing snowfields for extended periods. At least I had the Energy Egg (nowadays the Clarity-Sphere, 'second edition') and Returning Life Sequence to assist me in protecting myself from the harmful effects of the sun cream and also to facilitate healing of any harmful effects (from both the sun cream and indeed the sun itself) that did 'slip through'.

In early 2010 I had a tiny nodule develop on my lower lip, and my inner inquiry indicated it to have significant cancer potential, and even my doctor admitted that, if it were allowed to persist, it could be a cancer threat. Interestingly and ironically, my inner inquiry indications as to the cause of that potential cancer pointed squarely to the sunscreen in the lip salve that I had been using for quite a few years. I had used it extremely sparingly, daily throughout each winter, to prevent my lips from splitting because of the commonly low relative humidity indoors, especially during cold weather. I had always really wanted lip salve without sunscreen (i.e. for use when strong sunshine protection was not the requirement) but had never found any in the local shops. Although the amounts of that sunscreen that I had ingested had been vanishingly small, it had still been having gradual harmful effects locally on the lips - weakening those aspects of my 'energy system' relating to my lips, as well as having a slight direct mutagenic effect on certain of the skin cells there.

Prompted by this revelation, I managed to locate quite a number of relatively benign, sunscreen-free lip salve preparations made with natural ingredients that I could choose from and use in future - my favourite by a small margin among those that I found being from Anousta. The latter's unscented version (best) is claimed to have only three ingredients - cold pressed almond oil, cocoa butter and a little beeswax. This comes in convenient applicator sticks, whereas many others of these relatively benign lip salves come in really quite inconvenient little pots or tins - and almost all do have a number of other ingredients, which mostly actually slightly harm those preparations' benignity. The skin of the lips is not normal skin and is much more delicate and vulnerable than ordinary skin to even very slightly adverse chemical compounds, whether synthetic or natural.

Similar considerations apply actually to the wearing of clothes. It is the dark force that has misguided people to habitually wear clothes - in other words to wear clothes not so much for any necessary protection but to hide the body from other people and to push all sorts of buttons with regard to distorted and harmful attitudes to the body, and to cultivate all manner of stereotypes based on one's clothing, so greatly dehumanizing one's very existence here on this planet. The wearing of any clothes at all is actually slightly weakening for a person's non-physical aspects (and thus for the body too). Wearing them at all is therefore justified only where benefits from their protective function would outweigh the harm caused by wearing them.

In my case, at the present time my inner inquiry indicates that being as naked as possible (while respecting my physical comfort, protection of delicate parts from possible injury, and avoiding causing harmful and completely irrational kerfuffles from other people about 'nakedness' or 'indecent exposure') would be strongly beneficial to and supportive of my current self healing / self actualization process and add considerably to the strengthening of my non-physical aspects against 'entities' and dark force interferences.

Therefore, although I am nowadays hiking as naked as is practical, I do not expect to get into any news reports about an alleged 'naked hiker' (even though the odd silly individuals actually call out things like "Look - a naked man!" or "Get some clothes on!"). For one thing, even when the weather is very hot, I do not relish the prospect of my getting my willie and bollywollocks caught by the inevitable brambles, gorse and stinging nettles that intrude upon many of my walking routes. And neither would it be helpful for me to be stirring up hornets' nests of dark force sourced human stupidity by letting my willie, little dangleballs, buttocks and (God forbid!) anus be seen. In reality they are no more 'private parts' than my hands, but in order to be able to get on with my life without undue distraction from irrational responses (including even trouble with the Law) to my simply being visibly myself, it is necessary for me to appear to conform in that bizarre respect.

I am certainly finding through direct experience that there is an immense difference in how I experience a walk, according to whether my top half is covered or uncovered. I was already aware of a big difference and feeling of freedom and openness when walking with bare legs*, but taking off that T-shirt or whatever from my top half has proved to have at least as dramatic an effect again. Walking like that, I feel much more 'open' and free, in tune with my surroundings and brimming with additional energy. Amazing that people in general hold themselves down so much by their attachment to wearing clothes - all for the supposed benefit of a notional propriety and being seen not to have a true mind (or indeed body) of their own! 

* When I wear shorts they are true shorts and not the current drooping, flapping monstrosities that fashion has dictated should currently be worn in lieu of true shorts. It appears that I cannot buy proper shorts at all now (at least with pockets), and so I have to alter so-called shorts that are really semi-shorts, or even trousers, to make them into true shorts. Even that gets me odd looks, stupid remarks and sometimes abusive catcalls out of car windows - even the occasional wolf whistle! - from people who are too soul-programmed to know the taste of authenticity and true freedom.

A sun hat is a different matter...

Notwithstanding what I have written above, when I am out in strong sunshine for extended periods, such as on my hikes, I do wear a wide-brimmed sun hat during the period of strongest sunshine - but my inner inquiry results suggest that at the present time this is not so much to protect my head from sunburn or cancers as to protect me from a different issue, which is a problem for anyone while the sunlight is at its strongest - and this issue is not UV-specific, and indeed is to a fair extent temperature dependent, being strongest in hot weather. This particular issue is a sort of slight 'scrambling' of certain aspects of one's 'life force energy', which makes it harder to be precise and focused in one's 'living with intent' and self healing / self actualization process. Indeed, this issue causes people who do not use sun hats when they are in strong sunshine for extended periods to be generally more careless about their exposure to strong sunshine, because their awareness of their own health issues is being kept a bit fuzzy and unfocused.

The writhing-stretching stage - a highly positive indicator

A few months into 2009 I found myself spontaneously extending any hint of physical stretching into something much more energetic and powerful, which I call writhing-stretching. I describe this in Some Potent Healing and Self Realization Practices - though actually it isn't really a 'practice' because it is something that will occur spontaneously if you are ready for it to happen and encourage and allow it to, and it can't necessarily be really effective if you 'do' it as though it were a practice. As I indicate on the above-linked page, it is something that, as far as I can ascertain, generally happens only for people who are quite advanced in clearing their emotional issues and entity attachments.

Apparently associated with this, my whole life experience became much more centred in my innate joyfulness and clarity.

Being my own best 'doctor' for a grade 3 quadriceps tear ('rupture')

The positive change related in the previous section was very striking when, on 29th March 2009, I had a silly little accident in the Rocky Valley near Tintagel, treading awkwardly off the little footbridge at the bottom and sitting down unexpectedly in an undignified manner with my right quadriceps (front thigh muscle) clenching up so fiercely that I could feel it tearing as I went down*. I felt a brief superficial flush of dismay, because I well knew that a torn quadriceps could very easily represent an end to my hiking, and indeed, if really severe, an end of normal, unaided walking altogether - yet despite anything that the dark force may have been trying on me then, I remained basically happy and buoyant even then. I simply applied the best clear-mindedness that I could, still feeling quite secure in myself. I remained sitting there for some 20 minutes for some 'settling down' and also inner assessment of the damage and what was a reasonable course of action, and I was monitoring this by means of repeated inner inquiry.

* My inner inquiry results are suggestive that that such excessive and destructive clenching of the muscle was a result of dark force interference. Without such interference I might well have still had the accident, but it would have been just a simple fall or comically unexpected and undignified sudden sit-down, without any muscle tearing except for any that might have been caused physically by the fall. In other words no injury through gratuitous muscle clenching would have occurred.

As it happened, however, the possibility for much dismay was very soon dispelled, because even my first inner inquiry once I had abruptly 'sat down' indicated that all was by no means lost, for this, although a very significant tear in the muscle, was not like a real irrevocable tear of the whole muscle, and so even at that point I would still have a fair amount of function from it, and some degree of healing was bound to occur (even though anything like a total recovery would not necessarily be possible). My first practical indication from my inner inquiry was that I needed to remain sitting there exactly as I'd unexpectedly 'sat down', for probably some 20 minutes, to let the injury settle down a bit and also to enable my deeper aspects to get a better idea of the nature and extent of the damage, and what would be my best course of action for optimal healing.

In retrospect, I think the 20 minutes' wait without using that leg at all was crucial for subsequent good healing, for this was my substitute for the standard recommended procedures for a fresh injury of that sort, including using an ice pack and restrictive bandage. Basically the need was to minimize internal bleeding of the fresh injury, because any resultant large blood clot within the muscle would cause very significant problems in the healing process and could indeed become ossified (bony) and thus become a permanent weakening internal disfigurement.

For this reason it was actually better in this particular case that, rather than seek assistance, I simply didn't move that leg at all (apart from the odd very minor changes of position for comfort purpose) for that first 20 minutes, so that minimal internal bleeding would occur and the minimum necessary blood clots could form, just to prevent further internal bleeding when I did eventually move on.

In the event, after those 20 minutes of undignified sitting on the end of the little footbridge, very cautiously I got up, and then, very gently limping and at times even rather hobbling, I actually completed the short walk to Tintagel, without taking any short cut, for my inner inquiry indicated that on balance this would be the most beneficial approach, and I hitch-hiked back to my flat in Exeter as usual.

During the ensuing week, after an initial 'shopping only' day (Ouch, ouch...!) my inner inquiry / energy testing indicated for me to get off my arse and resume my regular afternoon walks along the Exeter Ship Canal, forcing myself to walk normally without limping / hobbling, despite the very considerable and initially daunting level of pain that such walking was causing*. That these indications were bang-on was evident even on the first of those excruciating walking days, because, once I had got into the proper walking, the pain, although constant while walking, rapidly became much more bearable, and I found that the leg was already dramatically stronger even after that first four-mile afternoon walk, just two days after the injury.

* Undoubtedly most medics and indeed physiotherapists would take a very dim view of my doing that - and indeed of my not seeking medical advice in the first place. But do those people use energy testing or deep inner inquiry themselves, to find out what is best for each individual person according to their own deeper aspects? If not, as I assume is virtually universally the case, in important respects they are far poorer doctors than I am, and their advice is at best a very blunt instrument, and for somebody like myself who uses inner inquiry / energy testing in a thoroughgoing and aware manner their advice would be at least mostly irrelevant. There was thus an excellent reason for my not seeking medical advice: I didn't need to seek it because the best possible medical advice was already right at hand from none other than me myself!

In my particular situation, the indicated walking during those following days was almost all on the level, on easy-going paths, and where there were the odd steps or other vertical irregularities that might increase stress for the injured muscle, I took it very gently, ensuring that there was almost no additional stress on that muscle. Thus it was really not such a risky thing for me to be doing. All the more so, because I frequently monitored the state of the injured muscle by means of energy testing. If anything that I were doing was becoming problematical for that muscle, my energy testing would have promptly indicated that.

Also, I was very sensitive to what was going on for the injured muscle, so that, as the days went by and I got stronger and bolder in my walking, even aside from any 'readings' of mine through energy testing, I could feel at once when the muscle was getting a little bit stressed by a particular movement, and would ease off and do a work-around, giving the extra work to my other leg as far as possible.

 Caution! 
It is important NOT to take this account as being any sort of encouragement to people to take such liberties in the earliest stages of the healing of a quadriceps grade 3 tear (officially classed as a rupture), where a chunk of the muscle has pulled right away from its 'moorings', unless they have proficient and ongoing use of energy testing. If I hadn't had energy testing, very likely I would have stayed sitting there at the site of my accident, and would have got a passing walker to call the ambulance service, so as not to unduly risk my doing further damage to that muscle and maybe jeopardizing my chances of ever walking properly again. And to a fair extent I would have followed the medical advice that I then received, in those early stages at least. Indeed I might well have found myself being shunted to hospital to have surgery to supposedly knit the torn bits together, for whatever good that would have done (a little online research of mine suggests disconcertingly variable outcomes from that particular operation, which doesn't make me altogether enthusiastic about surgery by default for this sort of injury).

The point here is that every single such injury is unique, and there is no one 100% right approach for all grade 3 quadriceps tear injuries. So, what was best for me myself on this occasion might be somebody else's disaster - or even my own disaster in the event of a similar injury on another occasion. In my case, however, energy testing would enable me to know what I needed to do in the event of any sort of repeat injury - and so I do not need to go around with a set of rules in my mind as to how to handle major quadriceps injuries, for my energy testing would always point me to the uniquely most helpful course of action for that specific injury on that specific occasion. With that sort of DIY precision, who would need a doctor to tell them what they supposedly need to do?

To my amazement, on 12th April I was already out on a hike again - from Zennor to Cape Cornwall, which includes some exceptionally rough and hard-going terrain for a British coast path. Naturally I went more slowly and carefully than usual, but it all worked brilliantly, and the leg, although not fully pain free then, was clearly stronger after that hike. That may sound like an absolutely crazy choice of a first hike, just some two weeks following the injury, but that was what my energy testing indicated. This was on the basis that I would take it gently, and could take an escape route to the road if necessary. This way it was much safer for me to go 'close to the limit' with the injured muscle, than it would be for a person without energy testing.

Also, it became very clear that my own deeper aspects, via my energy testing, were promoting a policy of 'pushing' the muscle repeatedly 'close to the limit' as part of a strategy to minimize any scar tissue build-up and possible ossification of blood clot remains in the site of the main injury. It was also a strategy to encourage the muscle to repair itself as speedily and as fully as possible.

By late April I was not only free of actual pain but felt only the occasional slight nagging from the injury area, though particularly for the next month or two I was careful with that leg and avoiding as far as possible particularly major stresses to the quadriceps (while still doing lots of walking including strenuous hikes!), to assist the further healing of the injury. My energy testing indications in early May were to think in terms of not just healing of the edges of the tear, but actually also the regenerative replacement of the chunk of muscle that had torn away (causing a persistent slight bulge and depression on that thigh), which presumably any medic would write off as unsalvageable - though I had no cause to go to a doctor to get verification of the latter point*, being for most purposes my own best doctor, as anyone could potentially be if they used energy testing really well.

* Actually later on I did see my doctor, just to put out a feeler to see if I could get myself referred for surgery, for my inner inquiry indications were that it could well aid the regeneration process to actually have the torn-off chunk of muscle cut out, so that its inhibiting effect on the regeneration process would be gone. However, the doctor shook his head and said that this was not a type of injury for which he would refer anyone for surgery (unlike very many other doctors, as my reading around and Internet research has shown). But I realized that that really was probably for the best for me then, because almost certainly any surgeon would have sought to reattach the torn-away chunk of muscle to the tendon below (which would not have led to the standard of recovery that I was aiming for), and would have dismissed any request to actually cut out that chunk.

That didn't mean that the muscle would necessarily fully regenerate (predictions of the future are of 'the dark side' and thus outside my 'remit'), but simply that by opening myself fully to the potentiality of full recovery, I would be enabling the fullest possible regeneration to occur - however much or little that might be. My inner inquiry indications in May were suggestive that within my non-physical aspects a full regeneration process had got under way, BUT only time would tell just how much of that would be able to translate through into actual physical regeneration. It was bound to take a fair time anyway if anything really major was able to work through. At least even at that time I could do pretty hard and strenuous hikes, though for the time being I was being careful to avoid the odd particularly quadriceps-stressful bits and not attempt the very longest hiking routes in my repertoire till a late stage in recovery, when sufficient regeneration had occurred. I'd know about that from my energy testing.

Throughout all this I remained happy and buoyant. Whenever I suspected that the dark force might seek to cultivate some sort of negative or distressed view or feelings relating to the state of that muscle (or indeed anything else) I didn't wait for such feelings to become noticeable, but instead assumed that I could have a related illusory reality being insinuated into my mindspace by the dark force, and so went ahead and zapped it using Grounding Point on my aventurine sphere. Zapping an actually non-existent illusory reality in that manner would never do any harm, so this is a fail-safe means of immunizing and clearing oneself - greatly helpful unless one starts getting obsessive over zapping 'possible' illusory realities.

In early June I did eventually see a physiotherapist, but this was more for just checking as to whether there was any particular exercise that would be helpful, which I'd not thought of myself. In that session the physiotherapist had me do a number of exercises, primarily to test the state of that leg, and she seemed really surprised to find that I had consistent flexibility and almost complete movement in that leg. At the end of the session, when she would have given me a list of daily exercises to do, she told me that I was managing my injury so impressively that she didn't feel that it would be helpful to recommend any of her exercises to me because what I was already doing appeared to be working better for me than her various exercises would. What a nice little bit of feedback!

About the same time, further energy testing led me to actually do a sort of reprogramming of my body and 'energy system' to promote the further repair of the muscle. During the weeks following the accident, the bulge just above the muscle tear had become increasingly prominent, with a slight hollow below it. As already noted, the bulge was the part of the muscle that had torn away from the tendon. This bulge increased further from about late May, with a gradually growing firm mass of tissue becoming evident at the lower end of the bulge. This was nothing malignant but simply a mass of so-called 'callus' - undifferentiated tissue that forms in injury sites as a step in the healing process - but here the callus couldn't do anything useful because there was a considerable gap between it and the end of the tendon from where the muscle had become detached. My inner inquiry indicated that this situation was hindering (but by no means fully blocking) any tendency for the intact part of the whole muscle to actually regenerate new fibres to extend itself transversely to fill up the gap left by the tear.

So, the reprogramming that I did involved my writing down and then reading to myself (while maintaining a particular connection with my aventurine sphere) two formal declarations of intent, as follows:

• I affirm my intent that the now useless part of my right adductor femoris muscle is atrophied and re-absorbed, to facilitate and promote rapid regeneration of the damaged part of the muscle, and that this change is occurring as speedily as can be.
• I affirm my intent that all my leg muscles are healthy and complete, of optimal strength for the most strenuous and demanding activities that would benefit me, and are optimally balanced between right and left legs, and that this change is occurring as speedily as can be.

I describe the most effective way of using declarations of intent with stone spheres in Stone Spheres as Healing and Self Actualization Aids.

Note that the strange use of the present tense in such declarations of intent is both deliberate and necessary in order to make them maximally effective. If they contain any statements in the future tense, they are weaker - hankering after 'pie in the sky' - rather than expressing a really clear and focused intent. It is an intent for the present rather than the future that works most powerfully in such declarations and affirmations. The future (if indeed it really exists!) can then look after itself.

To tell the truth, as I wrote these two declarations down and used them originally, I'd done so rather carelessly and there were two bits of future tense there, but I have now edited them for maximum effectiveness in order to present the best model for other people to use.

On my hikes my energy testing indications were generally to aim to do the very longest practical options, even while also realizing that I'd probably not yet be sensibly able to go quite that far. So, for example, when I walked from Polzeath to Port Isaac, my sights were actually upon continuing to Tintagel - a real 'killer' walk of 18 miles and over 1500 metres of ascent. On 20th June I still found the need to terminate at Port Isaac because I was starting to get a strain pain at the very top of the injured muscle - but on 8th August I walked the whole of that route to Tintagel, with no obvious signs of that muscle getting stressed.

Or rather, my leg muscles overall were feeling very stressed in a more general way on that walk, and my inner inquiry indicated that that was a problem not directly related to the injury - a combination of a mineral imbalance and dehydration on the one hand and, on the other hand a particular type of interference from the dark force, greatly magnifying what were actually much less significant feelings of muscle stress and fatigue in order to try to get me to terminate the walk early and indeed put me off doing such long walks altogether. Then soon after that I walked from Exmouth to Beer again - 20+ miles and over 1100 metres of ascent, without any muscle aggro.

I sorted out the dehydration / mineral imbalance issue, which had been increasingly affecting my hikes generally. Inner inquiry revealed that it was NOT salt that I needed to take, but iodine. I therefore used energy testing to establish what was a helpfully large and yet still safe dose for me to be taking (significant overdosing with iodine can cause potentially serious problems), and thus settled on three daily relatively high-dose kelp tablets per day, which gave me a daily iodine boost of a nominal 450 micrograms. On my hikes in warm weather I'd use two of the tablets while out instead of the normal one lunchtime tablet. I also found that a certain injury-proneness of my muscles and their tendons was being caused by a slight deficiency of selenium and possibly boron, so I started taking supplements of those too. Now, which doctor or 'specialist' would have been able to tell me such things about what my own body needs, rather than just seek to impose upon me some 'one size is supposed to fit all' set of rules that they'd learnt, for example in their 'professional' training?!

So, although I still had the unsightly bulge on the front of my right thigh, by August I was walking my longest and most difficult routes again, and by September I was really no longer thinking of my having any ongoing injury related limitations (though the odd minor strains of certain weak tendons and ligaments not related to 'that' injury impacted upon the odd walks).

As for that bulge, my inner inquiry in August was indicating that it was actually diminishing, but if that was indeed happening at all it was happening too slowly for me to notice anything physically.

During September there were visible signs of the bulge reducing in prominence - and one acquaintance who hadn't seen me for a while spontaneously remarked on its smaller size. It seemed that there was a considerable speeding up of the decline of the bulge at that time, but that decline slowed down through the autumn and became very little in the winter. However, I did notice also that the main, intact part of the muscle seemed to be gradually filling out where it had been 'depressed' after the injury, and seemed to be progressively taking up space that had been occupied by the bulge. Inner inquiry suggests that further major healing of the remnants of the injury require the relevant muscle to be worked hard to the point of a mild degree of stress - such as happens on my strenuous coast path hikes. The catch just for the moment has been the winter weather and lack of opportunities for that type of walk.

I shall update this section when there are significant further developments, or at least to report some degree of final completion of the process.

Progress in getting clear of the dark force interferences - October 2011

The decline of dark force interference and attacks upon me has been for the most part a very slow process, and it is now time to update the reader on this matter, for the process has been so gradual that I have not previously found really clearly definable stages in the improvements, which could form an obvious basis of a specific update report here. At the time of my originally writing this section, in February 2010, it appeared that one particular troublesome manifestation had ceased altogether but actually it hadn't!

The interference that appeared pretty well to have run out of steam altogether at last was those very intrusive and tiresome dark 'no' flashes in my inner vision. They had been on noticeable but oh-so-gradual decline ever since I had really got established with my new and powerful clearance and self actualization methods in 2007, and really through 2008 and 2009 I could describe their status as no longer being prominent in my everyday life, having become, and continuing to get, fainter and less frequent, so that there were the odd days when I didn't actually notice any at all (though some may still have occurred). Typically, the moment I actually entertained the thought that they were on the decline or even might have stopped, I would get a brief flurry of somewhat more prominent 'no' flashes to try to dent my morale, but it was clear that a very welcome change was very gradually happening, and at some point the 'no' flashes would presumably become so faint that even the strongest would no longer be noticeable to me.

At the time of my originally writing this section it appeared that I had reached the latter situation. In the event, within a few weeks of my having written here to that effect, I was getting very occasional faint 'no' flashes again, and really things seem to have levelled off (at least, up to October 2011), with just the occasional volley of those faint 'no' flashes, usually when I am thinking that I have not been noticing any of those for a while. The odd whole days pass without my noticing the 'no' flashes, but there has not been an obvious improvement really since early 2010. However, that is probably far from the whole story.

According to my inner inquiry results, it looks as though what is happening is that my self actualization process is resulting in two superficially diametrically opposed effects on my experiencing those 'no' flashes. On the one hand it is still getting more and more difficult for the dark force's attempts to communicate with me to be noticed (i.e. unless I choose to tune into them), BUT at the same time, and at about the same rate, my awareness is gradually further opening up, which is making it potentially easier for the dark force's intrusions to get noticed. So, just for the moment the particular effects of those two very positive processes are just about balancing out, so that subjectively I am noticing no change. However, my indications are that other changes are under way, which can reasonably be expected soon to get changing the balance so that the decline of noticed intruded dark force communications would then resume.

The attacks have also been very gradually on the decline - this decline being assisted by my getting more efficient in dissolving individual attacks, especially when they first arise, so that they are nipped in the bud. However, the occasional events in my everyday life that have 'pushed particular buttons' for me more strongly than usual have caused a temporary vulnerability in my non-physical aspects, which the dark force has then exploited, so that I would get a more major attack event again. Indeed, because of this effect I still had cause to call the local Crisis Resolution Team as recently as late December 2009 in order to get a little bit of awareness-grounding supportive contact from those really nice and helpful people, to enable me to get out of the troublesome feedback loops that the dark force was setting up for me at that time.

However, notwithstanding the very occasional such crisis-level event, the overall level of attacks is still continuing to decline, and my experiencing attacks with nasty feelings doesn't happen during the vast majority of days - except that it has become pretty normal to get at least some hint of an attack at night, starting after I have just woken from a dream. However, almost always, except in the odd crisis events, I have been able to 'zap' those immediately. On such occasions I would not wait to see if an attack really was going to develop, and instead would immediately pick up my bedside Energy Egg, or, more recently, 'satellite' mini Clarity-Sphere, and tune it to whatever emotional 'button pushing' was enabling the particular attack to occur - and this generally would nip any incipient attack in the bud, so that I could usually get to sleep pretty quickly again.

Such nuisances have been on very gradual decline, and I have had no further cause to seriously consider calling the Crisis Team or have any further other involvement with the mental health services. When a very rare major emotional 'button-pushing' or ungrounding influence has triggered the start of a more significant-seeming and, as a great rarity, actually seriously menacing attack, I have simply used the two procedures of tuning my Clarity-Spheres to all current environmental stresses and 'zapping' the most important illusory realities involved in the attack - and would thus cause the attack to dissolve within an hour at most.

Two types of attack that have been more resistant to clearance have been those with sexual arousal and those that are not obviously using emotional material and instead are causing serious clenching and pain of my anus (and also constriction of my bladder sphincter, making peeing difficult). The sexual arousal attacks have clearly been declining in strength and frequency overall, though there could still be phases of getting that for a few days at a time - generally after I have had some brief verbal exchange with some young(ish) man about town or out on a walk, with whom I experience a more or less strong 'energy' resonance.

On the other hand, the anus pain attacks became the number one issue in early 2010. As far as I could make out, the actual physical clenching was, overall, actually quite a bit less strong than it used to be, with 'severe' level of clenching having become quite rare and itself less than what I would sometimes get two or three years before. The difference in early 2010 seemed to be more the greatly increased frequency of attacks with the pain. The latter has turned out to be nearly all 'phantom' pain given to me by the dark force, and generated elsewhere than in my anus (I think very likely generated in some part of my brain) and then 'referred' to the anus. I have established clearly that the pain is not directly caused by the anal clenching, even when that is severe. Indeed, I have established pretty clearly that the anal clenching, even when severe, in itself doesn't cause more than a pretty minor discomfort. This situation means that use of local anaesthetic cream during bad attacks with that pain (which feels like a raw open wound freshly rubbed with coarse sandpaper, sometimes with additional stabbings of shards of glass or wrigglings of red hot worms) has little or no helpful effect.

The severe anus constriction of that time also aggravated my haemorrhoids, thus making them candidates for surgery.

In July 2010 I had surgery to open up an anal fistula*, and, just as my inner inquiry was suggesting would be the case, that left me with no really significant excess anal constriction and more or less no further phantom pain. However, in August 2011 I had a haemorrhoidal artery ligation operation*, which by rights should have had no more painful aftermath than the fistula operation, and I temporarily had a return of anal constriction and some phantom pain, though fortunately not significantly the raw burning pain nor the 'razor blade in my anus' pain. So, despite such 'blips', the dark force sourced anus tribulations are overall not much of a feature now. My understanding is that the anal fistula had been maintaining a particular distortion in my non-physical aspects, which the dark force was using to enable it to give me the severely troublesome anus tribulations, and once the fistula had been cut open and allowed to heal naturally, that distortion in my non-physical aspects almost instantly healed, thus depriving the dark force of its 'handle' for most of the anus interference that it had been visiting upon me.

* I give an account of those experiences in How I Became a Hospital Bed Blocker.

Apart from my little anus saga, however, overall I continue to experience an ongoing increase in the consistency of my sense of a joyful (grounded) buoyancy of being, as clearly the the remnants of the load of emotional garbage still connected to me (presumably via parasitic lost souls) continues to decline. I may still experience the odd annoying faint and diffuse 'no' flashes, but nonetheless, life is definitely becoming still more enjoyable and free from emotional cloudings and dark force interferences generally.

This page is expected to be updated periodically...