The Dark Force ('Astral Entities') - My Own Tough Experiences

Introduction

This account, in addition to its function of general awareness raising, is intended to give support to other people with a similar issue, so that they can more readily recognise the true nature of their issue and embark on a non-engagement and active clearance strategy, being encouraged by knowing of my having come out the other side not merely unscathed but actually now relatively immune - and still increasingly so - to all that dark force garbage, and in better shape than ever.

This is NOT a belief issue

Let me clarify here that until this issue came to my notice in 2003 I had had no overt recognition of or indeed belief in there being any seemingly external 'forces of evil' or 'dark forces' (but I did use such terms sometimes just as imagery), and particularly I had no overt belief in the existence of any ultimate being of evil such as Satan. Indeed, I had a strong suspicion that the manifestation of 'dark entities' or other untoward non-physical or 'paranormal' phenomena was the product of particular people's belief in such things, and that people who didn't have such beliefs wouldn't experience such things.

As will eventually become apparent, I was actually right about that in fair measure, but I was at that time lacking crucial elements of the whole picture.

I did, however, have a lifelong morbid dread of 'the occult' and 'the paranormal' and kept well away from any related activities and indeed from people who engaged in them. Particularly since my crossing the enlightenment threshold, I have not regarded anything as intrinsically good or evil, for these are just labels that we stick on things according to how our own beliefs judge them. It was after that transition that I eventually allowed myself to start getting involved in spiritual healing and 'lightwork' for the purpose of assisting my own and ultimately all people's 'spiritual opening up'* - but I still kept well clear of anything else psychic or 'occult', for which I still had that underlying dread**. 

* What I didn't understand then was that what people regard as 'spiritual opening up' is not at all the same as self actualization / self realization (which is what we really need) and is actually a matter of becoming more ungrounded and open to the astral sub-reality so that one is more open and vulnerable to the dark force.

** That fear of 'the occult' was undoubtedly emotional manipulation from the dark force, for its aim would have been to keep me in so much fear of the very notion of 'dark forces' that I'd stay in denial of it. That is actually what the dark force is doing to a LOT of people. People do not even start addressing their dark force and 'entities' issues and genuinely resolving them if they are in denial of their existence, so the dark force has a strong vested interest in keeping its 'victims' in denial of its existence or at least of its true nature.

Although the dark force, which manifested for me as the 'astral beings' that I write about below, has an agenda and behaviour that most people would equate with the utmost evil, I do not judge it or its manifestations in terms of good / evil, for they are simply as they are* so no useful purpose is served by condemnation (which is actually just more dark force sourced outlook and behaviour). However, whether or not I or anyone choose to judge the dark force and its manifestations, it caused me major problems, disrupting my life and subjecting me to nightmarish or even hellish experiences, and this is what I relate below.

* Do you condemn a computer virus as 'evil'? If so, what positive purpose is served by your doing so? Sure, it is troublesome because it is programmed to do troublesome things, but it still is as it is, and no concept of 'good' or 'evil' is appropriate; you just need to see the virus clearly for what it is and then take measures to protect or clear your computer system of it if you are to have a healthy, smoothly running computer. Exactly the same principle applies to the dark force, no matter how negative, destructive or depraved its interferences with people may appear to be.

I explain about the true nature of the dark force in The True Nature of 'The Dark Force' and its Interference and Attacks, and one thing that it isn't (i.e. as far as I can speculatively ascertain) is true entities, even though it widely presents itself as 'entities' or beings (actually completely illusory) in people's minds.

My understanding, albeit necessarily somewhat speculative, based on observations and augmented and reinforced by my use of inner inquiry supported by energy testing, is that the dark force interferes with EVERYONE, albeit usually more or less covertly, so we are not talking about anything peculiar to myself except for my having been targeted for some very rough treatment, and my having been able to apply an exceptional clarity of mind to what I was going through, so that I progressively came to establish what was really going on. It is the extent of my self-honesty that is really exceptional and all too widely seen as 'peculiar' (i.e. in a pejorative sense). Going into denial serves nobody well, no matter whether one denies the dark force's harmful agenda or the very existence of the dark force as something separate from or external to oneself.

"Aren't your troublesome entities just creations of your own mind?"

I give an answer to that frequent comment / question in my FAQ Corner page. I also have a very pertinent comment in My Own Self Actualization 'Path' - Part 1.

In addition, please refer to the section immediately above, because that straight-away nails the myth that some people come up with, that my untoward experiences have been caused simply by thought forms created by my (alleged) belief in the existence of a 'dark force', and, supposedly, all I'd ever needed to do in order to clear myself of all those manifestations was (and is) to simply let go of that (alleged but actually nonexistent) belief and then all the interferences would dissipate and I'd never again experience any such interferences and attacks, because there really was nothing to interfere / attack in the first place. People who make such claims are indeed themselves afraid of countenancing the possibility that what I am calling 'the dark force' does exist, and so they seek to impose their own fear-based belief system on people like me who make them feel uncomfortable by looking at what is actually there instead of taking on a belief system or somebody's 'teachings' (which latter of course is just more belief system).

This is NOT a protection issue

Let me say straight away in response to various well intentioned but unhelpful responses that I have had from people, that the issue that I am relating is not one that could have been avoided or could be stopped now by 'protecting' myself in one of the ways that psychic people consider necessary for their safety when giving healing, channelling or otherwise opening up their psychic or higher perceptions. My understanding is that this type of issue, whether for myself or anyone else, is always one for which normal psychic protection methods are ineffective. Indeed, as explained in Healing and Self Actualization - The Safest and Quickest Way, my understanding now is that those normal psychic protection methods, generally used by healers, psychics and 'lightworkers', are ALL more or less ineffective, even for other issues than dark force interferences, and, if anything, tend to increase one's vulnerability to whatever one is seeking to protect oneself from. It is the dark force that has deceived all those people into taking on those useless (and indeed to a certain extent actually harmful) methods, in order to ensure that they remain unawarely open and vulnerable to the dark force, and to divert them from taking up a truly protective methodology - which is none other than comprehensive genuine self actualization, which progressively renders people immune to their interferences.

So, right now I want to lovingly encourage any further people who want to contact me and urge me to 'protect' myself, to hold back and not trouble to do so. I appreciate that generally such people mean well, but their exhortations only show that they have not understood the particular issue (with regard to me or indeed anyone at all). I myself, through my own cultivated immunity, am my own greatest 'protector', and indeed, as far as I can tell, have thus been immune (or, in one early case, nearly immune) to a number of potentially lethal psychic attacks that have been sent to me over the last several years, without any need to go worrying myself about 'trying to protect' myself (i.e. apart from continuing with my ongoing self actualization and clearance work).

However, although the standard notion of 'protection' is unhelpful, it is meaningful to make oneself progressively better grounded and stronger in 'energy' terms, so progressively disempowering the dark force and making oneself eventually invulnerable to its interferences, and I have plenty to say on that in Dark Force and Entity Troubles - The Real Way to Clear Them.

"Shouldn't you be engaging in constructive dialogue with these entities?"

It has been put to me by various people* that I should be engaging the 'entities' in constructive dialogue in order to find out why they are with me and to resolve my issue with them. Barmy! As such (actually illusory) entities are just manifestations of the dark force, which itself can very constructively be regarded as rogue programming in thought energy (or thought forms), to engage in dialogue with 'them' would be tantamount to asking a computer virus why it is on your computer.** Try it sometime!

* It is pretty significant that JD in Michigan, the most pushy and repetitively insistent person in nag-nag-nagging at me that I should be engaging in dialogue with the supposed entities to find out why they were with me, was behaving generally in intolerably intrusive and controlling ways in his e-mail correspondences with me, and finally broke off contact abusively when I told him that his intrusiveness and control agenda towards me were not the stuff of friendship. Then in 2007, after almost a year of silence he sent me a potentially lethal psychic attack via an e-mail. Fortunately I recognised what he'd done and dissolved it before it could do me significant harm. My understanding (via my inner inquiry procedure) is that he was being controlled by a very powerful spirit attachment, which itself was strongly programmed by the dark force.

I mention about this, because it is the dark force itself that gets people holding such stupid and indeed harmful beliefs about what may appear to be 'entities' and how one 'should' relate to them. So, people telling me that I should be having a dialogue with the supposed 'entities' do not represent any voice of reason speaking to me, but instead represent a dark force sourced voice of non-reason and serious confusion, and indeed personal control agenda.

** Actually it would be considerably more foolish and harmful, because to engage in any such 'dialogue' with dark force manifestations reinforces them and gives them a lot more power over you - something that wouldn't really be an issue with a computer virus - at least, in that sort of way.

People who urge me to do such an extremely unhelpful thing have not read and understood the information on this page and clearly have little or no understanding of the actual situation and the nature of these 'entities', which are simply illusory manifestations of the dark force. Indeed, the notion of constructive dialogue with such completely illusory (and 100% programming driven) manifestations is quite meaningless. I explain the apparent true nature of the dark force and its various manifestations, including 'astral entities', in The True Nature of 'The Dark Force' and its Interference and Attacks.

I make it pretty clear in the account below, that, owing to my confusion over the identity of the source of the many communications, I had plenty of apparent dialogue with the 'entities' in 2003 and 2004 (and indeed at times in 2005), after which I settled on a supposedly constructive confrontational strategy - because through my previously being in dialogue with the 'entities' I'd actually been empowering them and through those illusions the dark force had consistently been seeking destructive control over me - and indeed it got near to wrecking me. As I eventually came to understand, getting into confrontation with the 'entities', although it seemed sort-of comforting at the time, was simply reinforcing their existence as dark force sourced illusions, and any sort of interaction with them or indeed acknowledgement of them as 'real' (i.e. non-illusory) would just compound any problems.

What are astral or 'dark' entities?

I have already indicated in a nutshell what they are. For a fuller discussion of the likely true nature and origin of supposed astral or 'dark' entities please see The True Nature of 'The Dark Force' and its Interference and Attacks.

How did the entities get to me in the first place?

They didn't, and indeed couldn't. As already explained, such 'entities' are really illusions created in one's mind by the dark force, which is always connected to every one of us (like an always-on broadband Internet connection that you have no means of disconnecting), because its interferences come through the astral sub-reality, which is an intrinsic aspect of reality and of consciousness itself.

The real question to ask here is, "Why was Philip Goddard targeted by the dark force for attempts to disrupt his life and wreck him?". That I go into much further on.

When did I first notice dark force interference of any sort?

Actually, I first noticed it (although of course not having any idea of its true nature) as soon as I became aware as an extremely young child, probably in the second half of 1944, when I was just two years old, for from then onwards I had the most diabolical night hells - indeed, I soon had two 'levels' of them, so that when I sought to escape from the basic 'hardcore' level I was caught in the other level. I explain about all that in Night Hells (Night Terrors) and Hearing Voices. However, it wasn't till late 2005 that I came to realize that those hellish nocturnal experiences in my early childhood were what was generally known as night terrors. At that time in my early childhood I had no idea at all of what was going on for me, nor why (let alone that any of that was anything to do with the dark force or 'the dark side', which I hadn't heard about at that stage), and indeed I had no indications that anyone else at all had been through the same sort of thing, and so I was left with an extremely isolating general impression that there seemed to be something wrong or 'blighted' or 'doomed' about my very existence.

After the night hells abruptly stopped when I was six, and up to a few months after I'd started channelling in 2003 (when I was 61), any attacks from the dark force were only covert (presumably being a major factor in the undue intensity of painful emotions that I experienced in response to particular everyday situations) - though on four occasions in particular the attacks were at 'severe' level, when I had quite traumatic emotional responses to particular situations, though still not realizing that I was being attacked, and was thus left wondering whether there was something fundamentally wrong with me - which notion fed further into the torment of the attacks as the dark force used that as additional ammunition against me.

• I well remember one night when I was probably about 9, when my brother woke up crying from a 'night terror' experience that he was having, and this triggered in me a hellish storm of inner fear and dark images, which was not a recurrence of my old night hells (night terrors) but was very likely my first really strong attack from the dark force since the night hells.

• During the same period (when I was at junior school) on one early morning I awoke from a 'dream' scene feeling pretty devastated. In that scene I was about to wander into my previous school (Harrow Weald Infants School), but my way was barred by high greyish railings, part of which were formed into a gate, which was closed. The railings were within a cascade of extremely dismal-seeming water, and across the railings within the falling water was a sign in individually attached letters, saying "Drug Club" - except that the letter 'J' (sic) in it (make of that what you will!) was coming loose and was moving about irregularly in the flow of water, pivoting on one remaining point of attachment. This was in a drear and chilling grey light that had a slight tinge of a dull bluish-greenish about it, and the feeling that I had was a combination of a sort of stultifyingly intense loathing-horror combined with a pretty devastating sort of washed out cold and dreary feeling, which latter stayed with me for a long time afterwards and always returned to me a bit every time I remembered that experience*.

  * I also got that horrible feeling to a certain extent later on, immediately following climax when I masturbated - virtually every time. That effect gradually became less pronounced over the years, though didn't altogether cease to be noticeable until I was well into middle age, no doubt because by then I'd transformed mere masturbation into a much more positive solo lovemaking experience, which made it much more difficult for the dark force to bring in that particular phenomenon.

  When I mentioned that 'dream' to my mother some years later, she said she thought I must have picked up the bit about 'Drug Club' from news reports at about that time, of drug clubs among schoolchildren in the USA - though I hadn't consciously noticed those particular news reports. When I was at school there was definitely no local issue of drug clubs or even of drug misuse, at least, that I was aware of, so drug misuse had altogether rarely been an issue that had come to my notice then.

  My inner inquiry now, using energy testing, indicates that what I'd experienced then was not really a true dream at all but something more like a brief recurrence of second-level night hell, but, unlike almost any other second-level night hell that I can remember, this incorporated elements of base level revulsion hell, and consequently instead of my being attacked with feelings of fear and terror I was being attacked with magnified and highly distorted birth trauma feelings. It was the latter that was also being used in less strong attacks on me in later years, following climax of virtually every masturbation of mine.

• In about 1975 I watched a television play by David Rudkin called Pender's Fen (when I visited friends, as I had - and still have - no TV myself). I felt as though an inner hell had been opened up by my watching that, and it took me a few days to recover.

• I had a similarly traumatic emotional response to an early poem - The In-Between People - that I wrote in 1973, which opened up an inner hellish vision that seemed so powerful that it seemed that it was going to take over my everyday 'reality' and destroy me.

Those attacks, however, although nothing like as powerful as what I received after I'd started channelling, were more upsetting because I wasn't enlightened then and got into the emotional state* of fear, anxiety etc.., whereas since enlightenment I have been pretty detached from old trauma feelings. Indeed, during even the severest attacks, although I had massively strong and nightmarish feelings, only to a small extent did I enter the emotional state of those feelings - even full throttle terror - and thus was able to handle the situation in ways that are not yet open to most people.

* It is not common knowledge that our experience of emotions generally has two components - the energy of the emotion and its emotional state - at least, as seems to be pretty clearly indicated by my own careful observation of my experiences and my inner inquiry on the matter.

An emotional state is really the result of one's being attached to the feelings, identifying with them and thus being driven by them - as we all are at least to a great extent until we become enlightened. If you experience the feelings - however unpleasant - as peaceful observer instead of entering their emotional state, you are undergoing a powerful healing process that is dissipating a certain amount of that painful emotion from your system. For example, I know well from my own experience that it is possible for an enlightened person to experience strong feelings of anxiety or panic without actually being anxious or in panic.

However, the situation isn't so simple that an enlightened person cannot experience emotional states at all, because of the ways that the dark force interferes with one. Paradoxically, it has been as I have got increasingly clear of dark force attacks that actual emotional states - at least, of fear - have tended to be used in attacks on me. They haven't been really 'full' emotional states, however, because I could still see through them and recognise them as 'not me', but they could have all the standard physical effects of the emotional state of fear. How the dark force has been managing to achieve that, I don't yet know.

What actually happened

If I were to write down all the details of the breathtakingly convoluted multiplicity of what the dark force took me through during those ordeals it would surely fill a sizeable book, and indeed would make some pretty amazing reading. However, by now many details have dropped from my memory, and in any case a lot of 'story' would just get in the way of our arriving at true understanding. So, I want to make it clear that what I recount below is just a précis, with some 'highlights' (if that is quite the right word for such experiences!) of what I went through.

The direction is set...

As recounted in some detail in My Own Self Actualization 'Path' - Part 1, an absolutely immense load of emotional trauma material that I appeared to be carrying, completely unaccounted for by my childhood experiences apart from the night hells, was strongly seeking release and really forced me, via an emotional crisis in 1972, to embark upon an emotional clearance process, then through the actually highly inefficient and problematical method known as Re-evaluation Counselling. Later on I became excluded from the Re-evaluation Counselling 'community' owing to the inevitable internal politics of such 'communities' (based in collusions of people's patterns of limited awareness), but at the end of 1992, owing to increasing spinal problems and particularly my neck becoming seriously and disruptively troublesome, I finally took up the Alexander Technique, which 'saved' me from those spinal troubles but also helped me cultivate a deeper and more consistent ongoing awareness regarding all my everyday experiences and what was going on in my mind. I was thus becoming a very adept, questioning and detached observer of all that I experienced, including all my 'inner' experiences - though in truth this was already a strong tendency of mine, which had previously served me extremely well in my 'saving' myself with my particularly aware and adept use of Re-evaluation Counselling, and indeed which had enabled me to take to the Alexander Technique like a duck to water (but more awarely!).

This was undoubtedly how it was that, on the first evening of 1997, while reading the first book on Buddhism that I'd ever read (The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying, by Sogyal Rinpoche), I actually spontaneously gained fundamental clarity - what would more usually be described as 'becoming enlightened'. Clearly, in that particular respect I'd gained spectacularly from my reading that book, but also it had started leading me astray, into the 'spirituality' scene, which I nowadays understand to be actually all a side-track provided to us by the dark force in order to divert us away from self actualization and into the clutches of, yes, the dark force. Indeed, more than that. I went on to read books by other supposedly 'great' Tibetan 'masters', and actually from my current viewpoint of really enlightened hindsight, I see the writings and teachings of all those so-called 'masters' as thick with overt dark practices and indeed 'dark philosophy' to a horrific extent. The whole supposed uppermost tier of Tibetan Buddhism - the Vajrayana - appears to be an absolute hotbed of dark practices all pretending to be taking people into enlightenment and self actualization.

Anyway, I didn't know about all that back then, so I thought at first that I myself must be a Buddhist - but as I kept reading all that stuff from the Tibetan 'masters' I got increasingly alienated from it, because of all the beliefs that these 'masters' were expecting their students and followers to take up, including beliefs in the most horrific 'menagerie' of hells for people who didn't 'toe the Party Line' and in some way fell out with their 'master' or openly pointed out shortcomings in their teachings or their disgusting power hierarchy.

So, I came to regard myself as a mystic outside any named traditions - but the problem was that I'd nonetheless landed myself with the basic notion of 'spirituality' being my way forward, so I thus saw myself as being on a high-level 'spiritual path'. Onwards from late 1998, when I got into spiritual healing, this new outlook of mine progressively gained a lot of more 'New Agey' sort of belief baggage from the healing 'fraternity', albeit superficially less 'dark'-looking than the belief and control agenda baggage of Tibetan Buddhism. Little did I realize that this was all getting particular aspects of my awareness increasingly ungrounded, and various parts of my (actually intrinsically unusually strong) non-physical aspects ('energy system') were getting increasingly weakened and thus increasingly open and vulnerable to dark force interference.

Among the 'New-Age' beliefs that I took on (although not really as full-blooded beliefs, but more as an open-minded sort of "this is how it appears to be"), were things like the existence of different dimensions of reality / consciousness, in which exist a massive 'menagerie' of different types of non-physical beings, ranging from demons and other 'dark' entities at the bottom end to angels, archangels and so on at the top or 'Divine' end. And I got taken in with a particular version of the 'New Age' 'mass human ascension' scenario, which latter had always seemed wrong to me and I never accepted. The version that I did accept came from CT, a psychic surgeon, who, although he was unsuspectingly in deep trouble with his own unaware dark force interferences, I did like and respect. His version of that scenario involved people reaching what he called 'full consciousness' here on Earth, without any airy-fairy notion of 'ascension'.

That seemed more down-to-Earth and plausible - but, in the scenario about this that he had channelled, it was all being organized by 'higher', non-physical beings and extra-terrestrials, who were really controlling our lives and giving us a time schedule as to when we absolutely had to reach 'full consciousness' or the whole 'Human Plan' (apparently all a big experiment by 'higher' beings and indeed the supposed 'Creator Consciousness' itself) would have failed. As I now understand it, all that sort of stuff about 'humanity' being organized in such ways by any sort of external beings or powers, is lies that have come to us from the dark force in order for it to gain more control over us.

Anyway, not content with Reiki, because I wanted to get my load of emotional traumas fully cleared off as soon as possible, and clearly Reiki wasn't going to achieve that for me within this lifetime, I diversified my spiritual healing methods, until in the summer of 2003 I first started using sacred geometry 'healing' wands, which, although I thought at that time they were my great step forward, proved to be actually nothing of the sort and were one hell (sic) of a step towards my imminent near nemesis at the 'hands' of the dark force.

Also, GH, the 'lightworker' who made and supplied those wands, taught me a procedure called the Merkaba Activation attunement, which used one of the wands (actually the so-called Advanced St Germain wand - the lower of the two illustrated above). The procedure involved using the particular wand to draw in the air the merkaba symbol on various 'chakras' and other supposed energy centres on and around the body in a particular order. This was claimed to be very powerful as a fundamental healing and 'spiritual opening up' procedure, but its effects were actually simply more serious ungrounding and dark force connecting.

Then, there was just one more little factor to add into the virulently festering can of worms that I was unwittingly creating for myself...

The bait is set...

During late September and early October 2003 I started dowsing, using a pendulum, in a more purposeful and effective way than hitherto. Previously to that, pendulum dowsing had never seemed to work very strongly or reliably for me, but the breakthrough came when I started using the pendulum technique used by an apparently highly reputed dowser - DL of Launceston, Cornwall - who I'd encountered that summer at a 'Mind, Body and Soul' fair at Bude. He'd been scheduled to give an afternoon talk there on 'Entities'. Actually at that point I didn't have a very strong interest in entities, except that by that time I'd been in healing situations with a few people where supposed 'spirit attachments' were involved, and so suspected that I was being progressively 'guided' towards eventually using my healing abilities to resolve various 'entity' issues. In fact, if I hadn't already made very friendly contact with DL at that fair before lunch I most likely wouldn't have bothered at all about a talk entitled 'Entities'.

In the event I was the only person who turned up for that talk, so DL abandoned that, and we got talking and he offered to demonstrate some dowsing, and indeed to dowse on environmental stresses affecting my flat in Exeter and take simple healing measures to clear them.

DL was a really nice, good natured and generous man - and indeed on a subsequent occasion he spontaneously and voluntarily attempted to assist me with my by then very well established 'entity' (i.e. really dark force) troubles - though unsuccessfully, as noted much further below. Anyway, on this occasion he dowsed with his pendulum and quickly came up with the news that I had a major environmental stress in my flat, which was bound to be affecting my health - and it was an underground watercourse right below my flat (I am second, indeed top, floor, so the people on the two floors below presumably had still more of a problem from that).

To my amazement, DL then invoked 'Archangel Raphael' to move that watercourse to away from under that building, so that, he said, nobody would be greatly adversely affected by it. I was amazed that such a feat could be done by simply invoking an archangel and letting one's pendulum keep swinging to indicate eventually when the task was done. I was also quite a bit puzzled, because I'd have thought that if the watercourse really were moved, unless its course were drawn into various very unlikely loops and convolutions, it simply couldn't help but cause problems for other people, no matter what he said about it being moved so as not to have significant adverse effect upon anyone.

I was really struck by DL's complete confidence in what he was doing, and took this to be a sign that he was a true 'professional' who I could learn from really usefully. However, there was one little point that even then raised in my mind a very significant question about the nature of his abilities and his supposed 'professionalism'. At the end of his dowsing demonstration he said he was now going to go through a brief 'closing down' procedure - i.e. to close his chakras down.

Even then I understood that this was a widespread myth in at least Western healing traditions - that you need to 'close down' at the end of a healing or dowsing or channelling session - and I at once told DL what I understood about that - that you are more 'protected' with energized chakras (widely but completely wrongly described as 'open') than de-energized ones (widely described as 'closed' - again quite wrongly).

Much more recently, as a result of some inner inquiry supported by the use of energy testing I have come to the understanding that the chakras and indeed the whole human aura system is best regarded as a largely fictional representation to us by the dark force of particular aspects of our non-physical aspects, both to divert healers and 'energy workers' away from their own core essence (and thus from any genuine self actualization direction) AND to enable the dark force to create further distortions in the person's non-physical aspects each time the healer does anything with his or anyone else's supposed chakras. So, when you either 'open up' or 'close down' even one purported chakra, you are to a small extent enabling the dark force to add another little increment of gestating problem from interference / control from - yes - the dark force.

Yes, plenty of people do 'see' auras and chakras, BUT what they don't realize is that they are NOT seeing actually what is there, but they are being SHOWN schematic representations of what really for practical purposes simply cannot be seen or at all accurately described. And who or what is showing one those fictional representations? A guide? An 'ascended master'? An archangel? God? Satan? -- Actually it could be any of them, because they and all other apparent non-physical beings that appear to us or communicate with us in any way or show us things have one thing in common: they are illusions given to us by the dark force! So, the apparent identity is completely irrelevant, and effectively it is the dark force itself that shows the person those chakras and other aura structures (i.e. if a particular aspect of his awareness is sufficiently weakly grounded for this to happen).

So, the lesson here for everybody is that if they value their freedom and well-being, they would best not only NEVER do anything with a chakra of theirs or anyone else's, but actually to drop the whole concept of chakras and a structured aura, like a red-hot brick. As long as you entertain such concepts as any sort of truth, you are helping to maintain those illusory realities, which can be and indeed are universally used by the dark force as one of its means to progressively weaken people and screw up their 'energy system', making them progressively more open and vulnerable to dark force interference and attacks. If my understanding, based on direct observations and inner inquiry and clear common-sense reasoning, is correct, NO healing that has anything to do with chakras is safe or healthy healing! I describe a fundamentally different and actually safe and dark force free approach to hands-on healing in Healing From Our 'Core Essence', and other aspects of healing other pages on this site.

So, DL dowsed on the question as to whether he needed to 'close down' at the end of his sessions, and he got a 'yes' to that, and then he dowsed similarly on whether I myself needed to do that, and he got a 'no'. So, it looked like another bit of that 'each to his own' dictum of so many contemporary healing and mystical traditions - a sure-fire way of ensuring that nobody really looks carefully and critically at what is really going on and starts recognising and eliminating problematical influences. Even though I had no idea then that he was innocently being led and manipulated by the dark force, I felt a deep 'knowing' that there had to be something wrong about his attachment to that absurd and pretty obviously harmful practice of 'closing down', and the way his dowsing neatly let him off the hook in the face of my concerned but friendly challenge. I assumed at the time that it was just his belief in 'closing down' that had influenced his dowsing to get him a 'convenient' but wrong answer that conformed with his belief.

As for DL's finding of the 'underground watercourse' geopathic stress in my flat, I am pretty sure now that he was being totally deceived, and there was no significant such stress there for me (whether or not there was any underground watercourse there) - though as I determined much more recently, there were very many other environmental stress factors within my flat, some of them very major, which had greatly exacerbated my vulnerability to the dark force. Significantly, he hadn't picked up on any of those at all - though of course at that time I didn't have means to know about that.

Interestingly, during a very severe 'astral beings' (i.e. dark force) attack crisis that I experienced in April 2004, during a crisis consultation over the telephone the healer CS in Evesham also determined that I had a major geopathic stress in my flat from an underground watercourse - thus very much convincing me at the time that this was something 'for real' - though this also very much held up to question the effectiveness of DL's invocation of Archangel Raphael to supposedly move that watercourse out of the way, and also put up a big question mark over why DL was apparently totally confident that he had achieved such an actually totally unverifiable thing.

Like DL, CS did not pick up on even a single one of the very real and highly harmful environmental stress sources that I much more recently learned that I'd had in my flat all along*, which had in fact been considerably harming me and greatly exacerbating my troubles.

* Apart from the particularly serious environmental stress effects from the crystals and especially sacred geometry wands, of which a lot more about both much further below, my flat was overall something of a Feng Shui disaster area. Although of a normal size for a purpose made single flat in a social housing scheme, it was (and still is) small enough to be distinctly weakening to one's non-physical aspects on that account in itself. But in addition I had it cluttered with cheap (mostly MFI) furnishings of covered chipboard, with the standard angular corners and edges, and I had put up crude ad-hoc systems of shelves on the walls, which all were quite disruptive to my system through their 'sha-chi' effect (from all their edges and corners).

Also, thanks to bad advice in one of Barbara Brennan's books on healing, in about 1998/99 I had replaced all my relatively high efficiency fluorescent lights (the ones in the living room being something near daylight colour) with incandescent lamps once more. Having such relatively yellow or 'warm' lighting colour as one's regular lighting is in fact in itself stressful and weakening to one's system - hence the use of bright full spectrum daylight lighting to assist people with seasonal affective disorder (SAD). What doing that does is to assist in grounding the awareness, while the yellower lighting tends to weaken the grounding of one's awareness - as was happening for me. That weakening of one's grounding of awarness makes one progressively more open to astral perceptions, and in practice that means dark force interference and attacks.

It wasn't till my final 'waking up' in 2007 about my whole gamut of dark force and environmental stresss shenanigans that I finally replaced all the tungsten lights in my flat with Biobulbs, which are bright and a really creditable simulation of daylight - and it wasn't till early 2011 that I finally, at considerable expense, got progressively replacing all my old, inharmonious furnishings with locally custom-made solid wood (mostly pine) units with rounded edges and corners.

My understanding now is that this was a case of the dark force sending the same misinformation to me from different channels in order to 'throw me off the track' and ensure that I didn't - at least for some good while - find out what was really causing all my troubles. In fact I could have saved myself an immense amount of trouble simply by systematically identifying and removing or neutralizing the various environmental stress sources in my flat. But then I didn't yet know about, let alone actually have, energy testing, nor indeed the Energy Egg and Guardian Angel or the later, more effective, Clarity-Sphere, which would have enabled me to achieve that end (and much more!) and thus to dramatically get really purposefully resolving the whole situation.

If I had had the insights that I have now when I was encountering DL or CS for the first time, I would have recognised at once masses of signs of their both being very seriously - albeit unawarely - under the control of the dark force. For your amusement and edification you may like to peruse my long but by no means comprehensive list of signs of a person having dark force interference / influences, in The True Nature of 'The Dark Force' and its Interference and Attacks.

I still feel genuinely sorry about those two individuals being so (unwittingly) led by the dark force, for they were both lovely guys with whom I'd have gladly maintained an ongoing friendship, and I felt a 'brotherly' link with both (even though I never physically met CS) - but it has been crucial that I remain fully true to myself and what I see going on, and not get diverted as a result of a misplaced sense of 'kindness' or 'loyalty' towards people who I like and who might be upset or feel hurt by my publicly stating important things that have become so apparent to me through my own observations.

I want to emphasize here that it is only my particular circumstances that have singled out DL and CS. The truth appears to be that virtually ALL healers, psychics, mediums, channels, mystics, people in religions and spiritual paths - whether gurus, 'Masters', or followers of same - are, in their various ways, similarly in deep trouble through being (normally unawarely) led and to varying extents controlled or manipulated by the dark force - as I explain in The True Nature of 'The Dark Force' and its Interference and Attacks.

I am not going to describe what was 'different' about DL's pendulum technique to make it so much more effective than the manner in which I myself had been attempting dowsing previously (indeed, very much as widely practised), because I don't want to encourage anyone to try it and land themselves with massively more problems than they had ever bargained for. Anyway, the point is that presently I started experimentally using his pendulum technique in dowsing, and was greatly pleased and excited to find that with this level of technique, dowsing came up with answers every time, and even answers that gave me more information than simply 'yes' or 'no', such as the strength of the 'yes' or 'no', so prompting further questions that enabled me to obtain quite detailed information about things.

Using this technique, and, where appropriate (so I thought at the time), taking my cue from DL and invoking archangels and 'ascended masters', I sought to bring about positive changes and healing and 'entity' clearance for the odd people.

I used this method with a friend of mine during a telephone conversation with him, and within a very few minutes 'established' that he had a small cancerous growth in a specific position near the top of the ascending limb of his colon - something he had been completely unaware of, though his lifestyle and addictions ensured that he was a cancer disaster just waiting to happen, and he already had very a very long-standing lower gut problem (diagnosed as 'ulcerative colitis') and a medically diagnosed low-level prostate cancer. Amazingly, a bit later on he had a colonoscopy at his local hospital, and, lo and behold, they actually found (and removed) a polyp in exactly the position that my dowsing had indicated. The polyp was supposedly benign, not cancerous - though polyps in the colon are known to be pretty well all potentially cancerous and thus important to remove.

Prior to that colonoscopy I had sent the friend a lot of healing (remotely) to supposedly clear the alleged cancer, so I don't know whether the polyp had actually been slightly cancerous when I had located it, and it had recovered to a benign state (and indeed was altogether receding, as my dowsing indicated) by the time the specialist found it, nor whether or to what extent I was being tricked about its actual status. Anyway, my friend reported to me that the specialist at the hospital had been amazed and deeply puzzled, that a friend of his (i.e. I myself) had, through use of a pendulum during a telephone conversation, been able to precisely locate that polyp. That was not something that could be dismissed in the way that medics generally dismiss anything that is outside their materialist-reductionist belief system, and it carried an especial weight of authenticity, for my friend had told the specialist about my locating his colon growth before the colonoscopy was carried out, so it looked disconcertingly as though I had indeed by some means beyond medical understanding managed to locate and identify my friend's particular internal problem - and during a telephone conversation! "Weird!"

Anyway, the apparent success of what I was doing was leading me to get bolder with the alleged healings (using pendulum and invoking archangels / 'ascended masters'), and I went on to carry out a small number of attempts (mostly remotely) to remove supposed 'entities' from people. This, unfortunately, led to my too slavishly following the answers given in my dowsing, and the odd individuals were getting uneasy about me, and indeed one person who I'd sought to 'help' remotely in this way was greatly upset at my giving her a remote diagnosis of a small breast cancer that needed attention, and she quite understandably angrily demanded that I never contact her again (though a more rational and helpful response would have been to take the cue and have a medical check-up just in case).

That left me with a troubled and uneasy feeling as though I was some sort of emerging 'great' healer but also seemed to have something seriously flawed or 'broken' about me that was already starting to wreck any reputation I might build up, and would leave me doomed to some unthinkable fate resulting from severe karmic repercussions of myself as a 'great' healer being a failure and getting various things 'wrong'. What I didn't know then was that the dark force was actually manipulating me and my feelings to give me exactly that impression, and it was a foretaste of what was coming up just round the corner...

"RAPE HIM!" - My disobedience to a 'Master'

The dark force first made itself known to me in a more direct way through deception and trickery when I started channelling (still using a pendulum at that stage) in October 2003* - though until early April 2004 I assumed that all the communications were from the purported higher beings and not 'lower' beings** because my intent to communicate only with specific higher beings and never 'astral beings' was always so strong. The communications purported to be, initially, from an 'ascended master' in the '4th dimension'*** calling himself Ahn, who also said he was really Maitreya operating under a new name. I could not understand his harshness and his reckless tricks upon me, but shrugged my shoulders and assumed that for some reason these were necessary for my particular 'learning path'.

* My channelling breakthrough occurred sometime in early or mid October 2003, when I had started using a particular Lemurian seed crystal to assist my channelling ability, and most likely it was far more than 'just coincidence' that at that time I was wearing a moldavite pendant that MC, a healer 'friend' of mine, had sold to me the previous day. When he offered it to me then, he said he had been wearing it himself for a little, but a 'Pleiadean spirit' had just manifested to him and told him that that particular pendant was actually meant for me. MC then gave me some channelled / clairvoyantly obtained 'information', saying that there was an ascended master in the 4th dimension who was associated with that particular Lemurian seed crystal and who was seeking to contact me. MC said, to enable that to happen I needed to hold that crystal in my right hand and the moldavite pendant in my left hand or hold it upon my 'third eye' (a position in the centre of the forehead).

Both Lemurian seed crystals and moldavite are widely claimed to greatly assist channelling from various supposedly higher and sort-of extra-terrestrial beings, as well as assisting telepathy between people. So, my first communications from 'Ahn' came while I was wearing that new moldavite pendant, while working the pendulum with my right hand and holding the Lemurian crystal in my left hand.

What I didn't know at all at that stage was that those supposedly desirable effects of those stones would all have been caused through weakening and distortion of various aspects of one's subtle 'energy' system, and thus would have been really opening one to astral perceptions and thus communications and major interferences from the dark force. As I nowadays recognise, that supposed 'Pleiadean spirit' message to MC had about it all the hallmarks of the dark force working through other people to get me into its clutches - as indeed was also evidenced by many later happenings.

** One of the many understandings that I gained in 2007, as I really started to clear out the dark force interference and deceptions, was that the very concept of higher and lower beings is one of the deceits that comes from the dark force. On the basis of my own detailed observations and inner inquiry, it appears that, as already noted, ALL non-physical beings that make themselves apparent to us as any sort of conscious being are simply illusions created in our awareness under 'hijack control' of part of one's awareness by the dark force - no matter whether they appear to be 'dark' or 'Divine' - 'Jesus', 'God' and 'the Holy Spirit' included. As I understand it nowadays, discarnate or simply non-incarnated human consciousnesses simply cannot communicate with us or show themselves to us, and their only claims upon our awareness at all are certain problems that they can cause us, as explained in The True Nature of 'The Dark Force' and its Interference and Attacks.

*** I didn't realize at that time that what people call the 4th dimension (i.e. of the purported non-physical 'dimensions') was actually a 'low' dimension, which healers and psychics quite generally regard as containing the 'lowest' types of being, including the supposedly 'dark' ones. However, as I understand nowadays, that actually makes no odds, because all those so-called 'dimensions' are just particular 'faces' of the illusory realities handed out to us by the dark force. So really it wouldn't have made a scrap of difference whether 'Ahn' said he was in the 4th dimension, the 14th or indeed the 143rd!

The first major trick, supposedly coming from 'Ahn', was to involve me in an elaborate scenario in which the whole of Humanity had supposedly been put en masse onto a two-week accelerated transition to full consciousness, at the end of which Maitreya was allegedly going to stop people everywhere in the world in their wayward tracks by making a simultaneous telepathic announcement to every single person on Earth that he was now world leader and they would all from then on be living as fully enlightened beings.

One of the many things that 'Ahn' did with me at that time was to channel to me a supposedly superior version of the so-called Merkaba Activation attunement. Even at the time when that was being channelled to me I felt a slight inner unease about it, as though this was really a 'dark' practice, but I set that aside, assuming that it must be okay as it was coming from an 'ascended master'. Henceforth I always used that supposedly superior version. In retrospect, my inner inquiry results point to the 'superior' version as actually having been much the same as GH's version in its effectiveness (i.e. harmful effectiveness), and most likely the real reason for giving me that version was in order to help stoke up rivalry and personal jealousies between me and GH.

* The notion of Maitreya soon stopping everyone in their tracks with such a global telepathic announcement is actually the substance of a moderately widely held belief within the New Age movement, though I myself had never before given credence to any of the various Maitreya prophecies.

Allegedly I had a very important role in preparing for this, and it involved, among various other things, my having to fully reopen my connection with a certain charismatic man (D) who I had been introduced to once by a friend and was then living near Land's End in Cornwall. 'Ahn' told me that I was to achieve this by staying with D for the particular weekend, indeed 'sleeping' with him - and I was given simulations of D telepathically inviting me to do so, complete with bouts of strong erotic feelings that supposedly were communications from D but which I later realized had been just the work of the 'entities' (i.e. the dark force).

At the time, this actually seemed a very attractive prospect indeed, for when I was originally introduced to D I felt an apparent very strong and deep connection with him and indeed greatly relished the idea of 'sleeping' with him - subject to the desire to 'sleep' together being truly mutual. And apparently now I had him telepathically inviting me to do just that - Wow!

The evening and night following that 'revelation' was actually quite typical of the sort of thing that I was to experience in the lead-up to climax of each of my really major crisis events. I was already well entangled with an immense convolution of 'story' from 'Ahn', and, having put on my self realization website various pieces of information about him and this great world scenario that had been channelled to me, and even a little bit about my own alleged role in it, all with the encouragement of 'Ahn', I was now suddenly told by 'Ahn' that I now had to delete all mention of that and of him from my website. No, the task couldn't wait for tomorrow but had to be done now, and completely, so that there would be no reference at all to him or the great plan any longer on my computer. It was already late for my normal bedtime, and I was weary after a few nights with little or no sleep due to my supposedly having to keep on channelling, but I did the task.

But then, once I had switched off the computer, hoping to get to bed then, 'Ahn' indicated that the task on the computer was not yet finished, because there were still mentions of him on my computer, and for those to remain would be completely unacceptable (and implicitly, my not complying with his instructions would bring upon me severe retributive karma). It turned out that he was referring to the fact that although I had deleted blocks of text, and, I think, a whole web page or two, the text itself still remained on the computer's hard disk, though it was not now accessible by ordinary, everyday application software. The time was now nearing midnight, but "NO!" - 'Ahn' was insistent that I had to go online right then and purchase a program called Eraser, which would securely erase the data in all unallocated space on one's hard disk. Feeling increasingly stressed and exasperated by all this, I obeyed and then ran the program to do that secure deletion, which took some time.

Then, when I had finished that, 'Ahn' indicated that there was still a problem - the (implicitly severe retributive) karma I had generated for myself by ever having put his name in public. I was so weary and ungrounded then that I'd taken on board his claims that pretty well anything I did as a healer or in my alleged special role for Humanity would cause me severe karma, so I was really getting rather frightened and feeling overwhelmed by something that seemed just too much to handle. It appeared that the very least thing that I was doing from then on was causing me serious 'karma', each bit of which needed to be recognised and then cleared if I were not to have unimaginably horrendous things happen to me. What sort of life was this that I'd now entered into? In anguish and despair I asked 'Ahn' what the hell I was supposed to do about that karma. "BURN THE HOUSE DOWN! - BURN THE HOUSE DOWN!", rasped a faint almost unimaginably harsh and abrasive sort-of man's voice. That was the first time that I had ever directly heard a 'voice' from a supposed non-physical being.

I was so new to this sort of garbage that I really took that seriously, and my anguish was extreme. "Oh no, please no!", I responded, "Please, surely there must be another way!" - To which 'Ahn' indicated that there was indeed another way: for me to hitch-hike down to D and 'sleep' with him there! That would supposedly clear all that karma. This didn't seem all that plausible to me, but I seemed to be in no position to dwell on my increasing inner doubts about what was really going on.

There followed various convolutions as I then received supposed telepathic communications from D, and some particular response of mine to something that he 'said' caused him (i.e. an extremely inept imitation of him) to go all sulky and quite unlike any sort of enlightened or near-enlightened person who I would really want to know. That in itself raised in my mind various question marks over what was really going on here, because this simply didn't 'add up' - but at this stage of the proceedings I was just too fearful of possible karmic consequences if I rebelled against 'Ahn' in any material way.

I then was instructed, no, not to go to bed, but to start trying to enable myself to be 'teleported' to D's place. So, I made various attempts, with 'Ahn' supposedly trying to work something to make it happen, but of course nothing did happen apart from my no doubt having got still more ungrounded. And then finally, well on in the small hours, when I so much wanted to go to bed and have at least a little sleep, 'Ahn' told me that, no, as the teleportation wasn't working for me yet, I would have to set out there and then. Maybe I had a cursory breakfast first - I don't remember now - but then I set out in the dark and indeed had an hour or so's wait by the A30 in the dark before my first lift eventually came.

Thus, extremely weary after a night with no sleep at all and masses of stress, I continued to follow my instructions from 'Ahn', hitch-hiking to D's place, only to find, as I'd more than half suspected, that D wasn't expecting me at all and it was considerably inconvenient for me to be there. 'Ahn' then directed me to act in various intrusive and disruptive ways, including telling the fellow that the two of us were under instructions to sleep together that night, which D was clear that he wouldn't have - emphatically explaining to me that he had a new and wonderful female partner and he wasn't going to jeopardize that for me or any of my great ideas about the future of Humanity (i.e. the story that 'Ahn' had been giving me).

I take my hat off to D for his patience with me in the face of my seriously bizarre and intrusive behaviour then - and I don't blame him for not wanting anything further to do with me after that! 

Actually I think he'd already made up his mind not to have anything to do with me as from our initial introduction, because his charismatic quality was very much an 'energy' configuration (some would call it an ego trip) that set him up as a supposed authority on 'spiritual' matters and expected other people in various ways to defer to his supposedly superior knowledge (based on shamanic practices including the taking of various harmful drugs, and he was a regular smoker, which would have greatly attenuated his deepest levels of awareness and closed him to genuine self actualization), and he saw me as an unwanted challenge to his personal status as the local spiritual guru. In that first encounter he had seemed to be particularly ill at ease about my not smoking nor partaking in any other drugs, for his circle of friends and followers, as far as I could tell, all smoked tobacco, and most if not all used cannabis too, and, I think, in some cases other drugs as well.

Fortunately I didn't press as hard about spending the night with him as 'Ahn' was instructing me to (with threats of severe karmic consequences for me as a result of "disobeying a Master" if I didn't do exactly as I was told). The pressure on me escalated to full-blown shouted orders to "RAPE HIM! RAPE HIM!", accompanied by bouts of very strong erotic feelings which, fortunately even then, I knew must have been a simulation and not my own feelings towards the fellow, so that it was actually pretty easy for me not to be influenced by them, however alarmingly overwhelming they felt.

I finally broke into full disobedience to 'Ahn' and hitch-hiked back to my flat, with 'Ahn' repeatedly shouting at me in his strident, abrasive voice during that journey to "GO BACK!" and reminding me about the dire karmic consequences of "disobeying a Master", and still assaulting me with very disconcerting bouts of quite alarmingly strong erotic feelings.

For me at that stage in my experiences with the dark force it was a frightening return journey, because I had visions of severe karma hitting me pretty well at once, perhaps in a fatal crash on that very journey, and I didn't want the driver to come to harm because of anything that was due to happen to me. I felt very confused then because I had no means of knowing for sure whether I had truly been failing in some vital mission for the benefit of the human race (as alleged) or whether I was really being tested to see how far I could be led astray before I would rebel - or indeed whether 'Ahn' was really 'of the Light'* at all.

* One of the many relevant things I didn't know then was that 'the Light', or indeed the very notion of 'light' and 'dark' outside the physical reality, is an invention of the dark force for the purpose of diverting us away from the clarity and non-duality of our own deepest essence in order to keep us away from achieving enlightenment and genuine self actualization (and thus freedom from the interferences and influence of the dark force).

As to the latter point, although I was still on balance assuming that 'Ahn' was an 'ascended master' and therefore (I assumed at that time) a higher being and thus supposedly totally beneficial, I was certainly left with some disturbing doubts from that episode as to whether he really was 'of the Light'*, for, in addition to the "RAPE HIM!" order, he had instructed me to do various other things during and immediately after that episode that had seemed more in keeping with what very little I understood of Satanism than with any true spiritual path, even though still with the justification of it all being essential for this two-week transition plan for Humanity. Anyway, even if he was a true 'ascended master', I abhorred his harsh and abrasive style, and surely other higher beings would be more gentle and straightforward with me. Oh well - mystified, I shrugged my shoulders and resolved to have nothing further to do with 'Ahn', regardless of any karmic consequences, and so the following day I used the pendulum to try getting answers from my guides instead, not knowing at all that 'guides' themselves are also illusory manifestations of the dark force...

It is strongly apparent from my own experiences and my observations of other people that the dark force is able to 'read' in detail all the emotional issues, beliefs and other 'negative' 'baggage' that you are carrying, including that of any entities attached to you, and can exploit any of that in attempts to gain power over you. Hence its pervasive ability to attack people and control them.

One of the things that the dark force (posing as 'Ahn') had been doing in my case was exploiting the 'baggage' that I was still carrying from previous lifetimes in high-level Buddhism, for at least in the Vajrayana tradition it was quite the done thing for the Buddhist students to be bound by a vow of obedience to their 'Master' (i.e. teacher), with the threat of severe karmic consequences (being condemned to one of the Buddhist hells) if such a vow were broken and amends not made at once.

However, as I now understand, as explained elsewhere, that 'baggage' that I was carrying was apparently not even mine! According to the working model that I present in The True Nature of 'The Dark Force' and its Interference and Attacks, I would be a no-soul incarnation and so would actually not be carrying any past life memories or traumas at all of my own. What I would have been carrying therefore wouldn't have been my own and in fact would have belonged to particular parasitic lost souls attached to me, as explained on that page.

* As noted above, as I nowadays understand it, 'the Light' (in any non-physical or metaphysical sense) is actually itself of the 'dark side', so it actually made not a scrap of difference whether 'Ahn' or any other supposed non-physical being was or wasn't supposedly 'of the Light' - they are all manifestations of the dark force anyway!

Daskalos goes on sulkies!

So, after my having turned my back on the weird 'Ahn' performance, the communications came purportedly from my 'personal' guide and my 'higher consciousness' and then additionally from the well known high-level guide Orin and a variety of other more or less well known high guides and 'masters' such as Seth, Za Kai Ran, Mutu, St Germain, Mehindra and Merlin.

With regard to my purported 'personal' or primary guide, at the time it seemed to be quite a positive personal 'coup' for me to 'discover' him, following my stress and bewilderment gained from all the Ahn shenanigans. Using my pendulum to get answers, I asked this purported guide of mine if he had a name. He answered that he didn't at the moment as he wasn't incarnated, but that it would be helpful for me to know him by a name. When I asked what would be a good name to know him by, he pointed me to one of my bookshelves, and then to a specific book on it - The Magus of Strovolos, by Kyriakos Markides. The central character described in that book was a Cypriot 'spiritual teacher'* who everyone knew just as Daskalos - though I found out from an internet search more recently that his real name was Stylianos Atteshlis. So, yes, it was 'Daskalos' that my supposed personal guide was suggesting that I call him.

* It is as well to remember that, at least according to my own understanding, ALL so-called 'spiritual teachers' are unwittingly in their different ways being manipulated by the dark force into leading people into the latter's control and away from fully comprehensive genuine self actualization, and Atteshlis was no exception. Indeed, in the case of Atteshlis, if Markides' accounts of him and his behaviour are anything to go by, despite his apparent good intentions he was a very considerable 'dark' practitioner in all but name. Many of the actions and practices of 'Daskalos' recounted by Markides are ones that I would now recognise as blatant 'dark' practice and nothing genuinely healthy at all, and he was doing no-one any favours by his 'miraculous' healings and his supposed depossessions and his leading people into tremendously harmful practices such as astral travel, and even messing around with supposed demons (which would actually have been elementals that the practitioners had created, or even just illusory manifestations caused by their dark force interference).

There is a quite typical irony, therefore, about the dark force, posing as this 'guide' of mine, getting me to know it by the pseudonym of somebody who was effectively a quite powerful 'dark' practitioner! I was too naive and lacking in data then to take that as yet another warning signal!

My 'Daskalos' also told me that he and I had been together three lifetimes ago in some Tibetan Buddhist community, and he and I had become 'lovers' there, resulting in our getting eventually ejected from our monastery, so it was supposedly 'a natural' that he would be my personal guide at this time. Okay, I understand nowadays that that was bullshit, but then I just assumed it was true.

But then, soon after the purported Orin had made contact with me and presented himself as my everyday primary guide, there was something I'd said or done (I can't remember now what it was) that supposedly greatly upset 'Daskalos', and he wouldn't communicate with me for a long time, Orin reporting to me regularly on Daskalos' continuing hurt and still not wanting to talk to me. Indeed, by the time that issue was sort-of easing up, the attacks were starting and by then my communications were generally no longer coming from named 'guides'.

Even at the time, the Daskalos 'big sulk' raised a very big question mark in my mind about the real nature of that so-called guide, and indeed the real nature of Orin and the whole 'reality' in which a supposed guide could behave in such a primitive and unenlightened manner. What point having such an irrational and clearly non-enlightened being allocated (and, in any case, by whom?) as a supposed guide for an already enlightened person? Something didn't add up about all that.

Torments from supposed higher beings

My trials and tribulations went a lot further than just having the dark force giving me troublesomely unreliable information and guidance from purportedly higher sources and sometimes giving me whole fictional scenarios that in themselves, as already noted, got me into some bizarre and disruptive situations. After a few months of my attempted channelling, during which time, as already noted, I'd learnt to run a visual 'internal messaging system' in my mindspace* without any further recourse to a pendulum, the dark force, posing as ascended masters and other higher presences such as 'Divine Consciousness', started putting upon me horrendous psychic attacks, using the great load of trauma emotions / energies of the parasitic lost souls** attached to me, and bringing those 'energies' to the surface at a very severe intensity that disrupted my daily life and sometimes deprived me of sleep for several nights in succession, twice causing me to be incarcerated in a psychiatric hospital in 2004, with two further such hospitalizations in 2006.

* As already noted, this was actually a significant and serious step in my undoing, for what I had done in cultivating that change was to ensure that I could receive communications whether I wanted them or not, so making it extremely difficult or impossible to ignore what actually (although I didn't realize it then) needed to be totally ignored.

However, one saving grace was that I pretty quickly learnt to keep switched out of the 'voice channel' as far as possible, and only to use visual communications from what I was still taking to being 'higher beings'. The dark force was actually still able to intrude 'thought voices' upon me - i.e. inserted messages in my mindspace that appeared more like thoughts than actual voices - but, except in the odd rare experiences during severe ordeals, I never received actual voices, and actively sought to keep it that way because it soon enough became clear to me that to actually hear intruded voices would greatly increase my problems.

It thus came as something of a shock to my system that in late 2004, when I eventually got hospitalized, the psychiatric doctors regarded me as 'hearing voices' and thus as being mentally disordered. The truth was that I had very healthily and with considerable clarity been preventing myself from getting into 'hearing voices' - at least, in any overt way. However, I came to realize then that the visual 'yes'/'no' answers and 'thought voice' messages I received were really all part of the 'hearing voices' phenomenon - and, rather than getting oppressed by that realization and mistakenly perceiving myself as mentally ill, I saw the situation as a golden opportunity to start promoting understanding of what 'hearing voices' really is, and how the psychiatric services are failing just about everyone.

** At the time I knew nothing about this source of emotional trauma from which actually the dark force was drawing in order to attack me. I just accepted the dark force's deceitful 'Party line', that I had a huge load of very major emotional traumas, accumulated over a monumentally huge number of incarnations of my own. I now clearly understand this to be rubbish, and it appears that I had almost nothing of my own. Yes, I was carrying those traumas, but only because they belonged to parasitic lost souls that the dark force had attached to me in my first year or two of my life.

The dark force posed as 'ascended masters' carrying out allegedly important and sometimes nightmarish and traumatic tests on me*, supposedly to gauge the depth of my 'spiritual realization', and it subjected me to a reliving of the horrendous trauma feelings of what it claimed later on was an  ancient disconnection trauma** - something that allegedly few people had experienced in the history of Humanity - at a disruptive and indeed hellish intensity. Late in 2004 and onwards the emphasis was on bringing up at similarly hellish intensity fear-based trauma emotions, which were claimed to be from my purported night terrors trauma***.

* The notion of tests upon me and special training was all part of an agenda to try to convince me that I had uniquely prominent roles for 'Humanity' in the not far off future, and had to be given all this rough treatment on that account. In reality it all looks very much to have been a part of trying to get me working with the dark force as a powerful one of its puppet teachers, as, for example, the late very prominent Indian 'spiritual teacher' (actually black magic practitioner) Sai Baba already was, or, failing that, to confuse and wreck me, getting me discredited and isolated so that I couldn't function as a promoter of genuine self actualization and clearance of dark force influences.

** The story was that the supposed disconnection trauma had happened to me in a lifetime some 150,000 years ago in a now lost Pleiadean civilization, when I had allegedly been the basis of Lemminkainen in the legend that got channelled to us in the Kalevala, the Finnish national epic. Allegedly the trauma came about when, in an emotionally desperate and exhausted state, that much earlier incarnation of mine had lain down with the intention of dying and his 'higher consciousness' had cut all his relationship chakra cords - an act that killed him. My inspired guess is that this fiction was based on adaptations / distortions of certain experiences of one or more of the parasitic lost souls attached to me. If my current understanding, supported by my inner inquiry, is correct, as a no-soul incarnation I would have been actually carrying no traumas nor memories from previous lifetimes of my own, as, it appears, there weren't any previous sequential, karmic lifetimes of my own!

However, what fiction that channelled story was! I have now got quite convincing pointers from my own intuitions, supported by my inner inquiry, to the true nature of that trauma having been a BIRTH trauma! It presumably would have included my own, but almost certainly would have been reinforced in its intensity and devastating feel by the adding in of the birth trauma experiences of any or all of the parasitic lost souls attached to me. Indeed, I understand that additionally the experience was distorted to greatly magnify its sense of disconnection, coldness and overall personal devastation.

In the course of some inner inquiry on this, my own deeper aspects actually gave me in 2008 a brief (completely non-traumatic) re-run of what looked to be my own genuine birth trauma experience for the sake of comparison, and, while undoubtedly as a baby I would have been quite distraught, that experience had nothing like the hellish awfulness of the much later attacks that were using birth trauma as their starting material.

I have now come to understand that the birth trauma attacks were being given to me for a particularly sinister reason, which became half apparent during my October 2004 ordeals.

*** I am satisfied nowadays that the massive night terrors trauma was a big myth that the dark force sought to get me to believe, presumably to account for the huge amount of trauma material that I had undoubtedly been carrying, and which was being used in attacks from the dark force, no doubt primarily to deflect me from finding out and removing the true source of all that material - that is, the exceptional number of traumatized parasitic lost souls attached to me.

I am sure that that channelled lie about the night terrors trauma was given to me also to get me monumentally emotionally screwed up at the supposed magnitude and severity of my self healing task - to the point that I would effectively be wrecked and thus no longer be any sort of 'thorn in the side' for the dark force through promoting genuine and truly effective self actualization and emotional clearance methods.

Despite the severity and bizarre nature of the late 2004 ordeals, the worst time for me was really in January to mid-April 2004. Because at that time I didn't realize at all that 'lower beings' (i.e. the dark force) were involved, and was thus still assuming that it was true higher beings doing all this to me*, I was sometimes reduced to grovelling on the floor, praying and crying out in a squealed whisper for help from 'on high' - but of course no overt help came except that on just a few occasions when I'd seemingly been particularly strongly traumatized I had the impression of a host of angels coming in to give me healing and rapidly restore my energy system. However, even then I was a little suspicious that it was not angels at all but a simulation, and my feelings were being manipulated up and down, with little or no true healing occurring in those 'healings' - as I am nowadays pretty sure would have been the case. The manipulations occasionally included extremely powerful sexual arousals, which made the situation all the more confusing and disorientating.

* Just imagine for yourself an apparent reality in which supposedly genuine higher beings and even 'God' are all taking part in or colluding with Nazi-style 'experiments' on you, so you appear to have no still higher level to turn to for protection or stopping what is going on!

In October 2004 the dark force, posing as my 'higher consciousness', took me through a number of relatively benign but still highly problematical Satanistic practices* throughout the five consecutive nights without sleep that marked the gruelling sequence of ordeals that led to my first hospitalization. The purported rationale was that I needed, as part of my self healing process, to embrace the 'dark' in my past because in a small number of lifetimes I'd been into Satanism and dark practices, and needed to come to terms with this**.

* In the first of the overtly Satanistic practices in that series of ordeals, although at the time I didn't know the true significance of this happening, I was directed on one night to drive myself to complete exhaustion through an end-to-end series of solo sexual acts during which, towards each climax, I was assaulted with what I now understand to be a distorted and much more traumatic version of birth trauma experience. This was alleged to be for an extremely important healing and training purpose. What I understand now is that what I'd been led through on that night was a seriously gruelling and harmful Satanistic sexual practice, which, allegedly, is carried out by particular Satanistic practitioners in the warped belief that to go through all that is in some way healing one's birth trauma. There's an additional element to that practice when they do it, which was not in what I was being led through, but I am not revealing that here as I don't want to encourage people to do anything so crass and harmful.

That practice was made particularly intimidating because that distorted birth trauma attack was being made out to be a very gentle version of the actually fictional 'disconnection' trauma, and I was being constantly reminded that at my point of climax in one of those solo sexual acts I would be given the 'Great Crunch' of sudden and full exposure to the purported original disconnection experience, which would, it was alleged, be excruciatingly painful, and I would be screaming and writhing in agony, and neighbours would all come rushing in, and neither they nor the emergency medical services would have a clue what to do about it... - But of course this was all dark force flatus for the sake of trying to get me seriously frightened. It succeeded, however, in getting me no more than a bit nervous, because deep within, throughout all such ordeals, I had a sense that everything was really all right for me, and no real harm would come to me.

At the time I couldn't understand why, but while I was being 'guided' through that gruelling practice I was being almost constantly assailed by whiffs of a disturbing rather sweetish smell that I immediately felt was associated with 'dark' witchcraft, and kept getting an impression of there being a 'dark' witchcraft altar on the door side of my bedroom where I was going through that exhausting practice. What I understand now is that practitioners would generally carry out that practice as a sort of ritual in front of their altar (presumably to Lucifer).

** Coming to terms with one's past is one thing, but to go repeating 'dark' things that were allegedly in one's past is quite another, so the claims being made to me were complete bullshit from the dark force. Also, as already noted, as far as I can tell, the alleged past lives of mine were nothing of the sort - presumably distorted versions of past life experiences of one or more of the parasitic lost souls attached to me.

However, the inner voice (i.e. the dark force) went further and was making out that I was never meant to be following a path of 'light' in this lifetime and was a Satanist at heart and should be practising Satanism and worshipping, and following the directions of, Lucifer* from then on, and indeed it claimed that it was starting to train me in that - and then once I'd died I would fall into a sequence of every one of the hells described in the Buddhist teachings** - and, just to cheer me up, all this was to the accompaniment of frequent whiffs of what I took to be roasting human flesh, allegedly remembered from sacrificial rites in a long-past lifetime. All this then led into a full-blooded sustained and increasingly severe attack from what was then claimed to be 'astral beings', in the guise of a supposedly lethal curse upon me, which led, after five gruelling days and nights with no sleep at all, to my first hospitalization.

* Allegedly that was all okay really, because Lucifer was just Archangel Michael in his 'dark' aspect. Of course, in retrospect I understand the truth of that - Archangel Michael and Lucifer would both be illusions created in people's minds by the dark force, and so would really be exactly of the same stuff and are thus freely interchangeable. Indeed, to the best of my understanding, 'Jesus', 'God' and 'the Holy Spirit' are likewise. The whole lot, therefore, can reasonably be described as illusory manifestations of 'Satan' - 'Satan' from this perspective simply being the dark force and not a conscious being at all.

** Actually I see these as inventions of that tradition, because I have extremely strong pointers to their having no objective existence - and of course they would actually be simply very nasty illusions sourced from the dark force. Indeed, nowadays I understand them simply to be particular versions of night hell scenarios that particular individuals have channelled.

At various times I was directed and sometimes very strongly pressured into a variety of reckless and potentially or actually destructive acts, which included deleting my whole website (I restored it soon after, though that was delayed by my first hospitalization) and putting onto my website some very challenging information about alleged past lives of myself and certain other people, which, quite apart from its actually being plain fiction, was inappropriate to have been put in the public domain, and which undoubtedly would have convinced many people that I had 'an enormous ego' and was even overtly 'mentally deranged'.

At least I did rebel in the nick of time against a move in late 2003 to get me to formally change my name to Melchior Elias. That would have been a quite inappropriate and troublesome move.

Actually, now that I openly recognise it all as fiction, I can safely be forthright and explicit about the matter of who I had allegedly been in previous lifetimes, having clearly dissociated myself from all channelled information (of mine or anyone else's) and indeed from the whole scenario of each of us being on an ultimately upward-bound evolutionary sequence of incarnations. We can now all laugh about and also be warned by the following. I had allegedly been:

• the first soul to appear in all Creation (allegedly the first incarnation of the first of the Elohim), and so, according to the story, I was the oldest and most evolved of all souls today (and thus allegedly set to become a great world teacher / leader);
  

  Actually, that story came up later in 2006. Prior to that the story was that I was one of five concurrent incarnations of Archangel Michael, and, although I was supposedly an extremely old soul, no specific claim was being made then about my being the oldest soul of all.

• the historical basis of Lemminkainen in the Kalevala (Finnish national epic) - in a now lost Pleiadean civilization some 150,000 years ago;
• at least two composers (i.e. of music) at different subsequent times in that Pleiadean civilization;
• the historical king Gilgamesh (as noted in the next section);
  

  I make no claim that there ever was a historical Gilgamesh, and am suspicious that there wasn't, and that the Gilgamesh legend actually was based, with distortions, on something in a human-type civilization long prior to humans appearing on Earth, and maybe even in a prior universe.

• the Roman emperor Trajan, father of Hadrian;
  

  This first came to my attention as part of some elaborate channelled information that was e-mailed to me by the already mentioned JD, an extremely problematical youngish man in Michigan, who also sent me a detailed and superficially very convincing-looking story about his supposed relationship with me when he was allegedly a trapper who got involved with me erotically as the young Gilgamesh. My 'guidance' then of course 'confirmed' that scenario.
  Something like a year after I'd given JD a clear brush off because of his intrusive behaviour and attempts to be controlling towards me (he'd responded abusively to that at the time), he sent me by e-mail what was, as far as I could make out, a potentially lethal psychic attack.

• the biblical Elisha;
• Jesus (That story was maintained for about 2 months and then changed to...)
• Jesus' disciple Simon Peter;
  

  That change of story was brought about as a sort of 'fudge', after a young man, LK, in South Dakota, USA, who believed that he was an incarnation of Maitreya, sent in a visitors' book entry to the predecessor of this website in late November 2003 and we got corresponding. Then my 'guidance' 'revealed' to me that he was really the current incarnation of Jesus, and I was who I'd suspected all along who I'd been - that is, Simon Peter.
  

  That particular past life identity did appear sort-of convincing because of the way I had always been very strongly emotionally affected by the biblical story of Simon Peter's three denials of Jesus, and would indeed often cry really intensely over that story - but of course there could have been all manner of other explanations for that story having that effect on me, so actually that effect really didn't reveal anything of past life specifics at all.

• a son of the legendary and very likely mythical King Arthur;
• Ananda, cousin of Buddha Shakyamuni;
• a student of Padmasambhava in Tibet;
• a rather distant friend of Francis of Assisi (being another spiritual teacher in Assisi at that time);
• a (female) lover of the Medieval French composer Guillaume de Machaut (a particular friend of mine was claimed to have actually been that composer;
• A herbalist by the name of Emilia Zbrignew (or very similar) in the Bratislava area, allegedly burnt as a 'witch' by the Roman Catholic Church in 1642;
• Duncan Macdonald, allegedly chief Piobreachtead (bagpipes player) of Prince Charles' First Regiment (late 1600s) in the Scottish Highlands;
• the early 20th Century French composer Jehan Alain (this allegedly my last lifetime before this one);
• a student of Mikao Usui.
  

  This would almost certainly have clashed to some extent with the alleged Jehan Alain incarnation, and actually was not strongly put forward by my 'guidance', which latter, however, never actually denied it. Instead, it had come to me from the healer SS of Newton Abbot, who had told me that she could see 'Mikao Usui' around me, and she also told me on that occasion that I was an important 'Reiki Master' who was destined to sort out much of the current confusion and divergences that had arisen within the worldwide Reiki 'tradition'.

• Jean Cocteau.
  

  The 'Cocteau' claim was given to me only briefly, at the culmination of the sequence of ordeals that led to my second hospitalization (December 2004), and it was claimed that there had been something tragic about that individual, and I myself bore that tragic problem, so that I was doomed, and was nothing but an object of pity.
  

  I was never convinced by that story, and indeed not only did the dates of his life clash with those of Jehan Alain, but they greatly overlapped with my own life, as he died in 1963 - though such inconsistent and indeed bogus scenarios that come up in 'readings' are typically fudged by healers and psychics, by claiming that reincarnation is not really sequential (after all!), and a person's incarnations can overlap or be concurrent.

It is true that there have been various things in my life and inner experience that point to possible connections with certain of these earlier personalities, but nowadays it makes a lot more sense of my overall life situation to regard those impressions all as having come from previous lifetimes of parasitic lost souls attached to me - a phenomenon described in The True Nature of 'The Dark Force' and its Interference and Attacks.

But actually any of those experiences could have been, rather than directly from the parasitic lost souls, actually experiences brought to me directly by the dark force, which I nowadays understand to be able to attack with visuals and emotional nasties from astral sources in ways that can make almost any scenario appear convincing to a person who isn't exceptionally deeply aware and exceptionally well grounded. That's the basis of night hells (aka night terrors) and virtually all of what the medical profession so unhelpfully calls schizophrenia (though soul fragmentation very likely commonly plays a part too), and a whole lot more besides.

Indeed, if the dark force wasn't causing so much trouble with its convoluted yarns I'd take my hat off to it for its apparent inventiveness! ('apparent' being the operative word there, because it simply exploits the creativity and inventiveness of the human minds that it is hijacking or parasitizing.)

The dark force even at times made out to be Archangel Michael. However, in my case, when things got really troublesome for me and I invoked 'Archangel Michael'* to help and fix the situation (because so many different people assured me that that was all I needed to do), it never worked. Sometimes I got an impression of some sort of presence 'of the Light' appear and even indicate that, yes, it could and would clear the 'astral beings' from my system, but the latter simply never happened - though initially I was given an impression of it happening and then the 'astral beings' coming straight back in and being as troublesome as ever.

* As already noted further above, my understanding nowadays is that 'Archangel Michael' and all named higher beings - ascended masters, guides, gods, goddesses, angels and archangels and so on - are all inventions of the dark force, created as illusions in people's minds to lead them into belief in illusory 'realities' and away from the simplicity and clarity of enlightenment and genuine self actualization. You can read more about this issue in The True Nature of 'The Dark Force' and its Interference and Attacks.

So, you will understand, then, that when you call 'Archangel Michael' to fix some trouble from 'astral beings', you are simply asking the dark force to assist you in clearing its interferences from you - not a recipe for true success on that score!

If 'Archangel Michael' does appear to have fixed a problem with 'entity' or dark force interference / attacks, you can be sure that it was nothing better than a ploy to get the person in some way more into the control of the dark force - even if only by getting the person to really believe in a 'higher reality' and 'higher' beings therein, so creating for themselves (or reinforcing) an illusory reality that would help ensure their ensnarement by the dark force upon their death. A pretty well identical thing happens when somebody gets a seemingly miraculous cessation of dark force or 'demonic' interferences upon 'opening to Jesus' or otherwise taking on some particular religion. NO such people are ever truly 'saved' by such means, except for being 'saved' from self actualization and from gaining the ultimate freedom and happiness!

So, when you bear that in mind, religious slogans such as "Jesus saves!" come to look particularly sinister.

Long live the King of All the Realms!

One prominent part of the dark force agenda for me, especially during late 2003 and early 2004, was seeking to convince me that I was known to all higher beings as King of the All the Realms (i.e. all the 'dimensions') and would within not that many years be overtly proclaimed as King of Humanity on Earth and indeed of the Pleiadeans too - allegedly to be known as Gilgamesh II. This was supposedly going to come about during a dramatic transition of Humanity over about a decade into a much more enlightened mode of living. As to why I'd be known as Gilgamesh II - well, it was a part of a long-term scheme of the dark force to get me attached to and involved in the notion that I myself had been the alleged historical Gilgamesh*, as already noted further above. Okay, I have no categorical proof that I hadn't been him (if indeed he had ever physically existed), but what was problematical was the consistent attempts to convince me that not only I had been Gilgamesh but this was very important now, allegedly some 4,700 years later.

* It is a reasonable surmise that various other people have each had a similar agenda put upon them and have also been told that they had been the historical Gilgamesh. Just think of the number of people who get told that they were and even still are Jesus! That is all the dark force at work - not genuine 'mental illness' (if indeed such a condition really exists at all). Similarly, various people have been led to believe that they are Maitreya or at least incarnations thereof - all completely falsely.

In my case I was given an elaborate 'historical' account of aspects of my purported life as Gilgamesh. Allegedly I as Gilgamesh had had a whole succession of male lovers, the most noteworthy of whom were Enkidu and Caliphan. According to the story I was given, Enkidu did not fall sick and die as in the well known legend embodied in the 'epic poem' known as The Epic of Gilgamesh, nor was there any battle between Gilgamesh and Enkidu before they became 'companions', but instead Enkidu committed suicide when he got to know that Gilgamesh had started 'getting off' with Caliphan. There had also subsequently been the odd violent deaths in the royal court, caused by rivalries among Gilgamesh's various suitors.

Much later on, I think probably in 2006, I got an intriguing new take on this in a detailed, as-if first-hand account of my purported life as the young Gilgamesh from before his coming of age - which account had been channelled or obtained clairvoyantly by an actually very dangerous young man who I shall just call JD, in Michigan. He was insistent to me that he himself had been a trapper who had been my actual first male lover when I was (purported) Gilgamesh, and he gave a long and detailed graphic account of the occasion when, out in the wilds, he performed his official duty in taking me through my 'rites of passage'. As a sort of culmination of these 'rites', the two of us purportedly, having killed a beast, liberally covered ourselves head-to-foot (being fully naked) with blood from that beast and then immediately, in our triumphantly bloody state, had an erotic orgy together - which was not a scheduled part of the proceedings!

After that, he and I were then supposedly 'deeply in love', but there were problems about my (i.e. the young Gilgamesh's) parents - the then present King and Queen, who got to know of this 'affair' and banned me from seeing the trapper, who then kept a discreet distance from me in order not to get me into more trouble.

That account from JD looked amazingly convincing in its lifelike recounting of the whole royal family situation at that time, and indeed it really made quite a beautiful story - but it was also clear that JD had a troublesomely intrusive agenda towards me and lost no opportunity to seek to assert himself over me and be very controlling towards me. Sometime late in 2006 I responded to yet another of his highly intrusive e-mails by telling him that that sort of communication was not the stuff of friendship and I could do without it - upon which he wrote back abusively, including angrily telling me that he would have nothing more to do with me - which of course was just fine with me. All was silent then on that front until late in 2007, when I received an e-mail from him containing a supposedly channelled message, which effectively contained a potentially lethal psychic attack upon me - the substance of which was a set of thought forms that he had attached to that message. I immediately initiated dissolution of the thought forms he had sent, and blacklisted his e-mail address in MailWasher so that any further communications from him would be deleted on the server without my ever being aware of them, so in the event there was no actual harm or likelihood of further problems from him.

What all that shows is how very much dark force controlled JD was, and how the dark force had clearly been trying to use him to bolster any belief of mine in my having been Gilgamesh - and indeed to add further convolutions to the story that I had already channelled myself. No doubt part of the picture too would have been the dark force's attempting to get me more involved with JD, an extremely good-looking young 'gay' man who had the clear potential to cause me or indeed anyone serious problems through his psychic abilities and such strong (albeit presumably unaware) dark force involvement.

One part of that scenario, which was persistently presented to me even after the 'king' fiction had been dropped, was that I, in this incarnation, was regarded in the 'higher dimensions' as so important for the future of Humanity (because of my particular combination of qualities), that I would shortly be transferred into the body of a particular man of 25, who would himself be transferred into the body of a particular 17-years old woman, who would leave her body to reincarnate normally - both these people being strongly connected with me from previous lifetimes.

According to my (mis)information, the 'higher consciousnesses' of these two people had already agreed to the plan, and it was all okay (and supposedly thus nothing untoward or 'dark') because it would bring about positive karmic paybacks. The young man in this story was actually wanting to change gender, so the transfer would do him a favour and fulfil a deep longing of his. Later on I was told that another woman, aged 20 and also closely connected with me from previous lifetimes, had been chosen instead of the 17-year-old. The transfers were allegedly going to be carried out with the assistance of a currently secret organization of 'lightworkers' who were, it was claimed, spearheading the transition of Humanity into a more enlightened state.

This was obviously 'dark-force'-sourced 'story', and the notion of it being for anyone's ultimate good to fulfil that young guy's longing to be a woman is barmy. Anyone with a longing to change gender would do well to use some or all of the methods given in Healing and Self Actualization - The Safest and Quickest Way to release themselves from those longings and get in full harmony with the reality of 'What Is'. Then, once free of such longings, they could choose whether to do anything about change of gender - and most likely wouldn not, being then happier the way they are than they ever would be through having a gender change.

Also, of course, the 'secret organization of lightworkers' - allegedly the Brotherhood of Light - was just one of the multitude of bogus organizations that the dark force has used as 'fronts' by means of which it has got them inveigled into the postulated cacoprotean network.

I was still being given this 'new body' scenario in the summer of 2005, though by then I was told simply that it would happen 'before long', whereas previously a specific date had been given - my birthday in August 2005, though for a while in 2004 I was told it would be on my birthday in 2004. In August 2005 I was told that there truly was a plan to keep me in this incarnation for a long time but I wouldn't be given details till much nearer the time, which would be 'before all that long'.

The justification for the alleged plan to transfer me into a younger body was that my next incarnation would not have the particular unique combination of qualities that were needed for alleged leadership roles of mine for Humanity, and the plan involved my being kept in this incarnation through successive transfers into younger bodies for some 450 years, after which I'd be allowed to choose whether to reincarnate or go through further transfers.

As part of this agenda of the dark force relating to me being 'King of All the Realms', in late 2003 I was periodically given visual simulations* of being transported into the 'angelic' dimension (i.e. the so-called 9th dimension), and amid multitudes of celebrating angels I was enwrapped in colourful robes, and even sometimes crowned, in front of a large and imposing figure with very big eyes, who was supremely powerful and loving - I suppose what many would call God. Well, at least those were novel and entertaining experiences - very different from the nightmarish or indeed hellish experiences that were to follow in early 2004.

* Although these experiences may be regarded as astral realm experiences, they were not of the really convincing 'This is reality' type that, for example, convinces people that they have encountered or been abducted by aliens. I experienced them in my inner vision as I was getting on with my everyday life, and I was well aware that they all had a stylized 'cardboard cut-out' quality that informed me that I was being shown representations and was not actually directly seeing anything that was actually happening.

Did I actually believe any of that story? No, but neither did I disbelieve - I simply kept an open mind. You get into touch with truth by closing your mind. I was being given what seemed to be true and important information as well as much reckless misinformation and trickery, and so I knew to keep an open mind, for time would be my great filter that would let the chaff fall by the wayside and show what the truth really was.

Well, I was doing the best I knew how to at the time to be completely open minded within that situation, but of course if I had had a clear understanding then that ALL communications from non-physical sources were from 'the dark side', I would have just ignored all such communications and not invited any further ones - as finally happened in April 2007, to help bring about a much accelerated process of clearing myself of the dark force interferences.

Unfortunately, some people who got to know of the 'new body' part of the story (especially as I had put a bit about it on this website so that people would be forewarned in case it really happened) took the view that I'd developed a taste for seriously dark practices and was actually wanting and seeking to get myself transferred into another person's body, so effectively wanting to kill another person in order to extend my own life (which I definitely was not), and so they dismissed me as an undesirable, the odd friends cutting themselves off from me.

Indeed, even certain healers - people who you might have thought would know better - stigmatized me on account of that plus my hospitalizations, as some sort of 'proof' that I was mentally unstable or unsound and thus an undesirable, to be kept well clear of. That is not so surprising when you come to understand the extent to which ALL healers, psychics and 'lightworkers' are interfered with and controlled or at least manipulated by the dark force, which latter would cultivate negative and dismissive views of me in order that such people be kept well away from getting 'contaminated' with the clarity of mind and self actualization and freedom from dark force interference that I was coming towards promoting.

In addition, many times over, I was guided or manipulated into writing to or speaking or acting inappropriately with a variety of people, and I lost further friends and potential friends as a result. Typically, at some later point a bullying, hectoring inner voice would then berate me, while the dark force would attack me with self recriminatory feelings over those various indiscretions into which I'd been led - a type of behaviour that makes ordinary human hypocrisy look 'angelic' in comparison!

Also saviour for ghosts and 'earthbound spirits'...

Initially as a part of the great 'King of All the Realms' scenario, but developing further after the 'King of All the Realms' notion had dissolved into my being due to be a slightly less grandiose spiritual father-figure - Gilgamesh II - for Earth and the Pleiadean civilizations, I had the task of supposedly releasing ghosts and 'earthbound spirits' on a grand scale, particularly on my hiking outings. This rested on the pretty well universal belief that ghosts are actually the consciousnesses of people who have died but for one reason or another have been unable to 'go to the Light' as they purportedly need to. 'Earthbound spirits' were really just the same but simply the ones that didn't give rise to obvious apparitions.

My carrying out that task did not involve any convolutions of ritualistic mumbo-jumbo, and would have been extremely efficient if indeed there really had been all those 'stuck' human consciousnesses to release, and they really had been able to be 'sent on' by the means that I was using. What my 'guidance' indicated for me to do was simply to scan a landscape or expanse of sea with my eyes, with the understanding that when I did that my (actually fictitious) 'third eye' would also be scanning and enable my 'higher consciousness' to see all the ghosts and 'earthbound spirits' scattered around and 'select' every one of them for processing. I would then silently send out to them some sort of quick but rather grandiose 'welcome' and goodwill message, then, with my right hand, I would draw in the air the actually very harmful symbol that I had channelled - the 'New OM'. My doing that would allegedly immediately result in their all being sent to the 'Light'. Wow!

Releasing non-existent ghosts with a symbol that
could do nothing but harm to all involved - big deal!

So it came about that, primarily on my hikes (Dartmoor and Devon and Cornwall coast path), I would pause here and there to scan for and supposedly 'send on' collections of those poor 'stuck' human consciousnesses, feeling really chuffed that I was succeeding in helping so very many people and generally helping to make the world a better place. On one of my Cornish coast path hikes, near Tregardock beach, not far from Tintagel, one of my 'sending-on' sessions prompted a peculiar flurry in my 'inner vision' (i.e. really just my astral perception), and my 'guidance' informed me that there was great excitement in the higher realms because I'd just released the ghost of a quite famous witch who had been lynched and thrown over the cliff in the Medieval period. According to my 'guidance', that being was actually a 'high' angel and would now be able to reincarnate and be a great spiritual teacher, bringing a lot of much needed benefit to the world situation.

After each hike I would get from my 'guidance' the number of ghosts / 'earthbound spirits' I had released at sea, on and around the cliffs, and inland - and I even recorded all those totals in the log I keep of all my hikes. In the Penwith area, and especially among all the tin mine ruins between Pendeen Watch and Cape Cornwall, I supposedly released a thousand or two of those actually non-existent 'poor souls'!

Trying to cultivate attachment

There was a funny aspect to this, in the crassness of it being done to me, but at that stage of my inexperience I also found it rather shocking that my 'guidance' was doing this, which presumably would have tended to severely wreck a person emotionally - my 'saving grace' being that I was enlightened and to a very great degree immune to attachment, except perhaps transiently and at the most superficial level.

I have already mentioned the 'King of All the Realms' bullshit, and how the dark force, posing as my 'guidance', was seeking to get me infatuated with the alleged prospect of being this great 'King of All Kings', and indeed called Gilgamesh II. Part of that story was that I, as the alleged current incarnation of the legendary Babylonian king Gilgamesh, was almost imminently going to be reunited with the person who, in a long past lifetime, had been Enkidu, the male lover of Gilgamesh, recorded in the legend.

So, periodically some person or another was identified by my 'guidance' as being the current Enkidu incarnation, and I was being given all sorts of story to try and get me attached to the person and the alleged prospect of soon coming together with him.

Periodically through all this my 'guidance' would tell me, once a particular 'soul mates' scenario was established in my mind, that that scenario was actually untrue, and there were no such soul mates of mine. Even occasionally the alleged Enkidu incarnation was denied - and I was aware each time that what was being tried on me was a major attempt to wreck me emotionally. The catch for the dark force was that each time this happened I promptly let go of the particular soul mate scenario and shrugged my shoulders, and just thought to myself quite peacefully, "Oh well, if it is not that it is something else!", and was virtually untouched emotionally, apart from, as I say, feeling a little shocked that such nasty tricks were being played on me, which could really harm a non-enlightened person who really did get emotionally attached to the 'bait' that was being dangled in front of his nose (and indeed his willie!).

That mucking about over the Enkidu reincarnation's current identity settled down after those first few months into a fairly consistent claim that the real current Enkidu incarnation was a Spanish boy called Azzo (I suspect it is an Italian rather than Spanish name), who I'd encountered with his father in a hitch-hike in Cornwall in September 2003. At the time of that encounter, Azzo was just nine years old, and so of course my 'guidance' was making out that this all keyed in with the alleged 'new body' plans for me. So the story went, I was going to be transferred into the body of a 25-year-old man, not only to extend my life for my supposed special role for all Humanity, but also to make my 'reunion' with Azzo more workable, satisfying and - particularly importantly - socially acceptable - though there would still be an age gap between us. At least the age gap would thus be reduced from 52 to a more manageable c. 14 years. I would have to wait for some years, though, for him to complete his schooling before we came together again - and then supposedly it would be ecstatic bliss for the two of us. Sort-of, "And then they lived happily ever after"! Wow! (but with a whole lot of reservations on my part!)

This nonsense went on through late 2003 and early 2004, thereafter being mostly rather lower key, except in the lead-up to the October 2004 severe ordeals, where it became much more of a feature again. After that, I'd really done with such scenarios, and the remaining one with real prominence was just the 'new body', with the 'reunion with Azzo the Enkidu incarnation' being more in the background, finally getting dropped altogether in early 2007 as I started in earnest the process of jettisoning all the dark force deceptions and influences.

During the intensive application of this 'get him attached' strategy, in late 2003 to early 2004, it all seemed a bit comical even then, because of the way that my 'guidance' seemed unable to take on board that I simply didn't get attached to such things, and so it kept trying variants of the same thing again and again. In retrospect I can see clearly why this must have been happening - the 'guidance' was of course the dark force, and the latter is not an actual conscious and thus intelligent being. It is just programming in thought 'energy', and thus cannot respond in truly appropriate ways to very uncommon situations that are not allowed for in its programming.

However, there was a sneaky thing about all those announcements to me that the latest 'soul mate' scenario, and even the 'Enkidu' one, was untrue. The dark force was also seeking to get me really impressed at my lack of attachment, and seeking to get me seeing myself as enlightened and self actualized to a phenomenal extent, allegedly unprecedented in all of 'Creation', so that I would be held in awe by everyone.

On the other hand I could see immediately at the time that this was being tried on me, and so, while for a time I sort-of accepted the story about that at a very superficial level, I did so with a very open mind, and was aware of how it could lead me astray, and I simply didn't really connect with it, and so it was easy as could be for me to just maintain an open mind about whatever state of self actualization I was in, and let the various retellings of the basic story slide away as I put my attention on doing my best to get on with life despite all the interferences and attacks.

Forget the chips - wolf spirits with everything!

In the beginning of 2004, about the time the attacks first started, I channelled an involved and really quite compelling story that was claimed to be the underlying historical basis of my 4th Symphony (Highland Wilderness) - a work that undeniably had to have some sort of dramatic life experience underlying it, presumably sourced from past lives. The story that I was given was in itself quite educational - but not so much about that symphony as about the sort of convoluted story that the dark force will seek to get people tangling themselves up in. Maybe at some point I shall place here on this site my 2004 web page presenting that story, as an exhibit - but for the moment I shy away from doing so because it is such an involved story, replete with confusions and deceptions that are made remarkably alluring because of the various elements that all look appealing and indeed authentic until you really get looking at it from a genuinely clear-minded perspective.

The story actually contained much detail that is likely to have been more or less correct historically, except for its having been a compilation of past life experiences - no, NOT of my own, as my 'guidance' of that time had been making out, but of various of the lost souls that were attached to me.

One particular element in that story, however, was, I am pretty sure, much more fictional than many of its other elements, and that was the matter of 'tormented wolf spirit' attachments. Allegedly many people through human history on Earth had, in one incarnation or another, killed one or more wolves. According to the bullshit that I was given, when a person kills a wolf, its 'spirit' is immediately angry and vengeful, and attaches vengefully to the person who had just killed it as a physical animal. It would then, as its revenge, put a curse upon that person, which would motivate him to go out alone into the wilds whenever possible, and to be always longing intensely for a lover or lovers who he has not a dog's chance in hell of encountering out in the wilds like that, and thus to live a deeply unhappy life, constantly tormented by a deep inner loneliness and unrequited (indeed unrequitable) longing, and unable to connect with people who theoretically could otherwise form close relationships with him; he would be generally seen as a 'lone wolf'.

Furthermore, at some stage in the person's life, if the situation and opportunity arose, the curse would cause the person to experience a compulsion to go out alone into a wild desolate frozen landscape and lie down on the snow / ice to die of cold while imagining himself with his lover in his arms - making love, but with no warmth.

According to this bullshit from my 'guidance' then, many people had these 'tormented wolf spirit' attachments in everyday life even nowadays, because in some previous incarnation they had killed the odd wolves - so accounting for the particular people tending to go hiking or living or working in remote or isolated places, or otherwise tending to be loners. Naturally I was claimed to have two of those dratted 'tormented wolf spirits' attached to me, and the most amazing stories were given to me about bizarre things that I had been motivated to do through my torments from those attachments in various of my purported past lives, including the particular past lives that were claimed to underlie my 4th Symphony. Indeed, my 'guidance' gave me an elaborate story involving one in particular of those wolf spirits supposedly attached to me, to account for my difficulties in this lifetime relating to peeing and shitting when there were people around or who might come around and become aware of my doing it. The story is fascinating, but again, it seems to me just too long and convoluted for me to include here.

My 'guidance' also pointed out to me that particular people who I encountered in everyday life supposedly had 'tormented wolf spirit' attachments, and so naturally, at that time I well-meaningly gave quite serious misinformation to the odd person who I had as a client / student to learn self healing - telling them of their attached wolf spirits and all that.

However, despite all the deceptions here, by early 2005 I had pulled myself clear of a whole lot of that convoluted story - the alleged wolf spirits and the big story about what supposedly underlay my 4th Symphony. I had not actually rejected them at that stage, but I had removed them from the website, and I let them take a back seat in my awareness, feeling that there were elements that didn't properly 'add up' in all that 'story', no matter how convincing various individual details seemed, so I really needed to get more reliable channelling before I could sensibly do anything with that 'information'. And of course, as from mid 2007, I have been clear that channelling is completely 'out', and that all that 'story' had been given to me to lead me way off course, so I no longer engage with it at all.

As I see it now, the 'tormented wolf spirit' attachment story was being used to put a fig leaf over everyone who looked likely to be a no-soul person, to hide from me their true nature and to give the impression that such people (including me) were particularly dysfunctional and really tragic cases, rather than the potential threats to the dark force's agenda that they really are. My understanding is that the dark force is unable to create pure fiction; it probably always takes an actual past situation and distorts it, even though often virtually beyond recognition. In the case of the notion of 'tormented wolf spirit' attachments, I have little doubt that this was derived from the apparent reality of no-soul people (and indeed a lot more) having 'parasitic' lost human souls attached to them.

Thus it looks as though I did eventually get to the bottom of what the dark force was seeking to divert me away from with all the masses of 'wolf spirit' story.

For the record, my more recent inner inquiry has never supported the notion that the consciousness of any animal, whether it is alive or has just died, is able to put any sort of curse upon a person - nor indeed that the consciousness of a dead animal would ever attach to a person in the way that human consciousnesses can in certain situations. Indeed, even while I was superficially taking on board all that bullshit about tormented wolf spirits those very points were almost constantly in my mind and I was feeling rather doubtful about the story that I was being given.

Attempted self harm and suicide

In my late 2004 ordeals I even followed some instructions from my 'guidance' that would potentially have killed me - because they were linked to the alleged 'new body' scenario mentioned above, I being told that I was at that point meant to leave my body for the transfer. In fact, during those guided suicide attempts (which were mostly directed towards means to smash my skull) there were clear signs of my being very strongly protected by what I then thought of as some sort of 'higher will'*, so that the particular means that I was directed to use didn't work, and the kitchen knife that I carefully sharpened for a nice little wrist-slashing suicide was unable to make more than the most superficial scratch-like wounds on my left wrist, which seemed to have become like tough rubber.

* I would now say without much equivocation that it was my own deeper aspects and not anything 'higher' or separate from me at all. Also, as part of that intrinsic self protection, I had intuitively steered clear of two knives (one in particular) that I knew even then at the back of my mind would both have been easier to sharpen really well and would have most likely stood a much greater chance of fatally slashing my body.

Although it seemed at the time like a miracle that my wrist had become so tough, I suspect that what had really happened was that my own deeper aspects worked the muscles of my right (dominant) hand / arm in such a way that when I seemed to be applying quite a bit of pressure while sawing away with the knife, I was actually applying almost no pressure at all. Hence my hardly breaking the skin. Thankfully, I got the message!

Actually the attempted wrist slashing was not part of the abovementioned scenario of various attempted skull smashings (which were in the October 2004 ordeals), but arose the evening before my December 2004 hospitalization*, during which evening I was being given the impression that I was in the process of dying, and it was put to me that as soon as I'd got out of my flat to die (I was instructed to go down to the the Exeter Ship Canal - it was dark then - and throw myself into it), my flat contents would all be set alight and the whole block of flats would be burnt out - and the only way that I could prevent that from happening would be to kill myself there and then within my flat.

At my wits' end and faced with the apparent prospect of my immediate neighbours getting caught up in the postulated conflagration, I chose the option that would allegedly avoid that happening. As I had relatively little remaining emotional attachment, although I had no desire per se to kill myself, it was of relatively small odds to me whether I continued in this incarnation or moved on to the supposed next one or was transferred into another body within this incarnation - I just wanted whatever was for the ultimate good and meant to happen. And so I very reluctantly sharpened the knife and then sawed at my tough rubber wrist, in amazement at the small spot or so of blood that grudgingly emerged. Not even a sticking plaster was necessary after I'd given up on that. Actually I gave up pretty readily because by then I could see the obvious sign that this whole business was in fact symbolic and I was never meant (at least by any worthwhile source) to kill myself.

* So slight were the wounds that the two bracelets on that wrist distracted the attention of hospital staff, and during my 16 days' incarceration in that psychiatric unit none of the staff noticed the little quickly healing scratch-like injuries there, which I never thought to try and conceal - amazing considering that signs of attempted self mutilation / suicide are supposed to be zealously looked out for in such an 'acute' psychiatric ward.

In retrospect, I suspect that the reason for this lapse was simply that the hospital staff were all impressed by the articulate way that I described what was going on for me and stated what my needs were (including the uselessness of psychiatric 'treatments'), and indeed my whole very actively positive outlook on my situation and life in general, so they actually had a great deal of trust in me - particularly as I had been in the hospital before and had recovered in a manner that was truly dramatic compared with their normal run of 'patients', and this clearly being under my own direction and without anything much of their actually very harmful 'assistance'.

A vomit element to the story

I had always had a particular dread of vomiting, and thus of course a strong revulsion to vomit itself, the sight or smell of which in fact would sometimes be enough to make me retch and almost go adding to the mess. To what extent my fear of vomiting has been stronger than normal for people, I don't know, and in any case it had not been strong enough to get labelled as a phobia, but it was nonetheless real, and was thus an inevitable bit of ammunition that the dark force could use upon me.

One particular irony about the vomit element in my dark force ordeals was that during all those ordeals I never actually vomited, despite various intimations that I was about to vomit - indeed most violently and traumatically, and sometimes I was given the smell of vomit as a further 'encouragement'. The vomit element arose first during the October 2004 ordeals that led up to my first hospitalization. At that stage I was being taken through various supposedly Satanistic procedures, and a large proportion of them were ritualized messing about with imaginary ('etheric') vomit, which I had to produce by acting out my vomiting in a bucket (but actually not vomiting at all), then being directed to ritualistically anoint myself with the (imaginary) disgusting mess. At the end of a session I'd be directed to go to the toilet and make myself "really" vomit by sticking a finger into the back of my throat, but something always blocked that from achieving what it was supposedly meant to, so I'd just retch momentarily without actually throwing up. Perhaps my own deeper aspects were protecting me then, for only harm would have come from me throwing up when there wasn't a genuine need to do so.

However, more harrowing was during particular attacks in that period, when I was first being severely attacked with the trauma energy of panic and sometimes nausea feelings. On one occasion (which I was warned would keep happening, to try to get me terrified) in late November 2004, I was given a really severe attack of a combination of the emotional trauma energy of panic and a strong nausea - a really hellish experience, though it was fortunately brief.

During that period I was sometimes menaced with the notion that I was imminently going to vomit most violently, which would be caused by an attack, or, on certain occasions, as a result of something I was about to be shown, such as in re-runs of 'night terror' (i.e. night hell) visuals. This ploy would typically be at breakfast, when, during the ordeals, it was getting difficult to eat, and when I had just eaten my bowl-full of chopped mixed fruit with yoghurt, liberally sprinkled with sunflower seeds, I would be told something like "There, that wasn't wise of you - but you've done it now! Now [in a triumphant voice] when you vomit, as you are just about to, most violently, those seeds will cause you excruciating pain!". It was all hot air actually, just trying to get me wound up and terrified.

It was also nonsense in a very practical way: I chew my food very thoroughly - indeed, thoroughly enough to have occasionally drawn comment from people for my doing so. Thus if I had brought up my fruit / yoghurt / sunflower seeds, the latter would have been well and truly chewed, and there would have been little or nothing to chafe or scratch in my oesophagus when vomiting.

Then, during some of the strong attacks during the summer of 2006, I was being attacked with a combination of nightmarish feelings that seemed to be related to dark practices and Satanism, combined with strong sexual arousals, and in the thick of that I was sometimes given the smell of vomit and indeed given images of myself rolling and squirming about in my own vomit in supposed sexual ecstasy, while I was being attacked with strong sexual arousal.

What I understand in retrospect about all these vomit elements to the dark force's attacks on me is that it was seeking to exploit particular traumas carried by one or possibly more of the parasitic lost souls attached to me. My inner inquiry points to something like the following scenario...

At least one of the lost souls attached to me had had a lifetime in which (s)he had been in some sort of really rock-bottom black magic cult or sect, in which the members had a marked tendency to go for whatever was maximally repugnant to ordinary people and incorporate it in their practices. So it had come about that that particular person had been severely traumatized on at least one occasion when, as part of some sort of depraved orgy involving vomit, (s)he had been given one or more drugs (i.e. herbal preparations) that made him/her simultaneously hallucinate wildly (almost certainly getting night hell - i.e. night terror - visuals, feel an intense fear or anxiety together with disorientation, and repeatedly vomit most violently - a pretty hellish combination for anyone, and within the context of one of the most way-out and depraved black magic orgies, even more so!

So, with that particular lost soul attached to me, no wonder the very thought of vomiting seemed nightmarish or indeed hellish - and thus also, no wonder that the dark force was seeking to exploit that to wind me up or indeed freak me out! It is very likely that the dark force dredged up the association of vomit with sexual arousal from that particular lost soul's memories of particular orgies - naturally in order to try to screw me up.

...And naturally, 'karma' raised its ugly head

At times the dark force, posing as my 'guidance', made out that I was due for immensely severe karmic repercussions over various even very minor matters - putting forward a distorted and nightmarish version of the punitive karma that is described in some (not all) of the Buddhist teachings and to which I'd allegedly been exposed in certain previous lifetimes. The aim, as with its other actions, was to frighten and demoralize me and destroy me emotionally if not physically too.

As already noted, as far as I can tell, any such previous lifetimes were not my own, but would have belonged to particular of the parasitic lost souls attached to me.

What about receiving healing to cast out the entities?

There were a number of attempts at this, for it wasn't till 2008 that I finally came to recognise that the 'entities' were all just illusory manifestations. As I now well understand, no attempts at all to cast out 'astral entities' could ever work for anyone! In cases where that does appear to have happened, the dark force has simply gone into hiding to give the impression that the actually fictitious entities have been cast out, while it continues interfering with the person but in more covert ways. The aim of the dark force in such cases is to get people promoting totally ineffective methods to supposedly remove the purported demons or astral entities and so deflect the people from seeking out truly effective methods to make one totally invulnerable to interferences from the dark force (such as I give in Healing and Self Actualization - The Safest and Quickest Way).

The time when I was first told that I had 'astral beings' impersonating (supposed) higher beings was in early April 2004, when I was at my wits' end (again!) and mentioned the problem on the phone to SS, a healer in Newton Abbot. She wrote me a letter telling me that she had had a message from the 'angelic dimension', that I had impersonating 'astral beings' around me and I needed to invoke 'Archangel Michael'* for assistance. In fact although it seemed at first that 'Archengel Michael' did step in and stop a particular attack when I invoked 'him', the 'entities' came straight back and were impossible for me to exclude, no matter how many times I called 'Michael' or 'Archangel Michael' to clear them out and keep them out. In fact it was really then that, for the first time the dark force had started to make itself apparent actually as 'astral beings' (rather than purported higher beings) by its intrusive and very volatile communications - primarily the already mentioned dark 'no' flashes. This was beginning to seem desperate!

* As already noted, the archangels are among the range of alleged higher beings that are all inventions of the 'dark side' and are thus bogus. People really don't know at all what they are getting when they have communications or 'assistance' from manifestations or apparitions claiming to be such higher beings. The only thing they can be sure of is that all such manifestations are illusions (however realistic seeming), and they are sourced from the dark force.

During the following week, on different days I had what seemed to be powerful healing from SS and from GH (the 'lightworker' who'd made and supplied my sacred geometry 'healing' wands), either of which healings, according to the respective healer, should have excluded and sealed out the 'entities' - and yet the latter were still with me. I then felt frightened - abandoned with an issue that nobody could resolve or even properly recognise, and for good measure another and eventually very severe attack upon me got under way during that time, which really felt as though it was going to be the end of me, with the inner voice repeatedly telling me that it was Anlil (sic), King of the Underworld, and it was going to claim me and hold me prisoner in the 'astral dimension' as soon as I had died.

That was all a particularly nightmarish experience, which I came out of when I had a remote reading and advice on the phone from the experienced healer CS in Evesham (UK), whose phone number I had been given when I made a desperate, seemingly clutching-at-straws phone call to the London office of the National Federation of Spiritual Healers. Although at that point he 'saw' only thought forms and no troublesome entities around me (actually in a way correctly, because the dark force isn't real entities at all - but he missed the parasitic lost souls), he did give me some suggestions of certain practical things to change and to do in my everyday life, and thus he succeeded in getting me to ground my awareness a bit and thus break the feedback loop of fear which had been a major part of the mechanism of the attack, and I quickly recovered.

Another notable 'healing' that I received was from SW, apparently a very strong channel for 'Archangel Michael', in June 2005 during my short stay at the Findhorn Foundation, a 'spiritual' community in Scotland, and that, supposedly, should have fixed the problem, but the 'entities' (i.e. dark force interferences) were still with me. Then in July 2005 at the Quest fair at Newton Abbot, I had a quite different sort of 'healing' from GW, a clairvoyant healer and channel (medium) who operates as a quite prominent guru by the name of Shabdan. In that 'healing' he guided me through calling in all the contracts that, he said, would have been made between my 'higher self' and any of the entities (which GW called 'false guides') to allow them into my 'aura', and then 'etherically' burning all those contracts to ashes (i.e. visualizing it happening). He then guided me through doing the same for all the contracts supposedly made by my 'higher self' with gateways in my 'aura' to allow the 'false guides' to open them. Supposedly all that ought to have fixed the situation* - but I still had the 'entities'.

* I say 'supposedly', because actually the whole procedure was bogus, even though GW presumably didn't realize it. A sort-of separated-off higher consciousness or higher self is one of the 'New Age' myths, and so also was the notion of all those contracts - there were never any such contracts. It is the dark force that keeps giving people the story of such contracts, both in order to convince people that they are contractually tied to 'astral entities' and to get healers and 'lightworkers' wasting their time and resources on completely ineffective methods to try to clear the supposed entities.

Well, I guess that on that occasion GW didn't do anything that got me significantly more ungrounded, but my understanding now is that he himself was and is in very serious trouble with the dark force, and doesn't even realize it. You only have to go to his website (which I am not nowadays linking to from this site) and see all the stuff there about angels, archangels and channellings and healings from those purported beings and also a great range of other supposed higher beings (many with exotic names), and the stuff about Humanity soon all being stage-managed by supposedly higher beings into 'ascending' into the actually illusory 5th dimension - and then to read The True Nature of 'The Dark Force' and its Interference and Attacks, to realize how deeply he is unwittingly running a major dark force agenda, regardless of his undoubtedly genuine strong good intentions.

No wonder he was using a useless method for my 'entity' clearance and was not in touch with any method that would truly get clearing my problem with the 'entities'! He even told me the 'name' of my purported 'personal guide' - not realizing that all supposed guides are in various ways illusions given to us by the dark force, and the aim behind, and indeed effect of, 'guides' - even the supposedly 'highest' of them - is to lure us away from turning to our own deeper aspects for all the guidance and 'wisdom' that we could ever need, and to help condition us to allowing ourselves to be controlled by external entities or influences instead of living happy lives of love and awarely applied free choice.

Another angle that I was guided through at the July 2005 Quest fair was using a particular setup statement in the EFT - "Even though I have this troublesome inner voice and I seem to be stuck with it for ever, I deeply and completely love and accept myself, and I choose now to thank it and pension it off". In the particular group context this produced some emotional release from me, which impressed people who were attending that particular demonstration but didn't clear out the 'entities' - but then it would be too much to expect an immediate 'miracle' of EFT for this issue, for it would require ongoing work on such issues to clear any such issue, even if the 'entities' were real ones to start with.

Actually, as I nowadays recognise in retrospect, it is pretty laughable, the idea of an EFT setup statement incorporating any thanking of such an inner voice, seeing that it is an illusory manifestation and any words or actions that treat it as though it were 'real' would reinforce its 'existence'. Nowadays, if I really had cause (which I don't) to use the EFT for that, my setup statement would be something like: "Even though I have this troublesome inner voice and I seem to be stuck with it for ever, I deeply and completely love and accept myself, and I choose now to recognise it as being just a dark force sourced illusion and to completely disregard it and allow it to dissolve and fade away".

Then a couple of weeks later, at Findhorn again, SW guided me through creating by visualization a blue pyramid of 'Archangel Michael' energy* to put myself within, which would exclude all the 'entities', and, according to him, all I needed to do was to re-create the pyramid once a day. Only trouble was that each pyramid (really illusory to start with, as I'd nowadays recognise) dissolved within about half a minute, if that, and the 'entities' had really never left me at all.

* You see? 'Archangel Michael' again. Yet another healer who genuinely believed that he was in touch with real higher beings but actually was being hopelessly deceived - in reality invoking the dark force to clear out the dark force! The dark force manifestation that was directing that little trick was no doubt laughing all the way to - well, wherever a dark force manifestation (which is an illusion anyway) goes laughing all the way to...!

Indeed, as noted further below, SW did a 'reading' for me, supposedly channelling Archangel Michael, and it confirmed the supposed veracity of various pieces of serious misinformation about myself that I myself had channelled, such as my having been the historical Gilgamesh and Jesus' disciple Simon Peter.

In November 2005 I had a remote healing from IG, and she reported that she had removed and excluded the 'astral beings' from my energy system and removed some parasitic negative energy implants*, including, she said, one that had been holding my crown chakra wide open and so allowing undesirables to enter my system. Bafflingly, throughout the healing I was getting the occasional telltale visual 'no' flash responses to various of my thoughts, and even while IG was telling me on the phone afterwards that I was completely clear of the 'astral beings' I was still getting intrusive communications apparently from them. Although it seemed at the time conceivable that I was experiencing then just a pattern of expecting their interference, as IG was claiming, I thought otherwise, and two main alternatives seemed likely to me. One was that the entities were hidden from IG to fool her into thinking that she had removed them when in fact their removal hadn't been allowed**. The other was that the entities had been temporarily excluded by IG's 'healing' but my 'higher consciousness' then presented me with a simulation of them until they were allowed back into my energy system at least within a day or so and probably within an hour or so.

Actually the very notion of the 'entities' being removable bodily was off the rails, for, as I have already explained, they would have been illusory and thus there would have been actually nothing to remove. - Or rather, there was something to remove (i.e. the parasitic lost souls attached to me), but that is something that NO healer 'sees'. Why does no healer see them? -- Because when a healer 'sees' something non-physical, (s)he is actually not really seeing it directly at all but simply being shown a representation of it by the dark force, which is the source of ALL normal psychic and 'higher' perceptions. Naturally the dark force doesn't go showing healers the parasitic lost souls, for certain healers might then actually start seeking to take effective measures to clear them out.

* About the mystery of the origin of those implants, my inner inquiry points to a definite possibility - though actually there is no certainty that I really had those implants to start with. It is just as likely that IG was simply being shown some fictitious problems for her to remove, to help convince both her and me that she was being a very effective healer. Anyway, the quite likely origin of those implants, if indeed they existed at all, is indicated as follows:

In early 2003 for a while I went to a weekly Reiki 'shares' group - i.e. for exchanging hands-on healing, mostly by each taking a turn to lie on the table and receive healing from the group. The leader of the group, NB, was undoubtedly by normal standards a very accomplished healer. However, like pretty well all such people he was being extensively deceived and misdirected by the dark force.

In his case there were signs that he had not only the normal complement of attached parasitic 'lost' souls but also a partial walk-in or a serious type of spirit attachment, which, as well as causing him, reputedly, to be very temperamental and volatile in his personal life, was frequently (mis)guiding him into putting energy implants into the non-physical aspects of those to whom he gave healing, and on one of those weekly group sessions I was one of the 'lucky' recipients. As far as I can tell, he genuinely believed that he was inserting healing implants that would soon dissolve, but they were actually harmful and notionally permanent, thanks to the dark force doing various things to keep them in place and prevent them from dissolving.

Some others who attended that group also received such implants and presumably don't know about them yet, though they may well be experiencing various resultant adverse long-term health effects.

Now, my inner inquiry results do point to my "definitely" having been given some harmful implants then, but what I can't be so sure of is whether those had anything to do with what IG was 'seeing' (i.e. being shown by the dark force). All I can say is that they could well have been basically the same thing, give or take the odd errors in perception.

It may look a bit puzzling if those implants in my system weren't altogether hidden from IG by the dark force (i.e. if it was the real ones that she was 'seeing'). My current 'reading' about this is that most likely the dark force would have completely hidden the implants from her if it could, but her own deepest aspects would have been actually managing to show them to her. However, without dark force interference she would have got quite different and more subtle impressions of the implants. In order to prevent her at least from seeing exactly what was there, the dark force would have actually relayed those impressions to her ordinary mind, so more or less obliterating any directly gained accurate impressions with superimposed distorted versions that would help reinforce various incorrect beliefs about such energy manifestations. - But then again, if the implants that she was being shown were fictitious anyway, the only 'thing' that was being hidden was nothing (well, plus the real implants)!

As I understand it, if the particular implants did exist, what the dark force showed IG would have been a distortion of the actual situation, because the implants would not have been ring-like as they were shown to her, but, if they were to be visually represented in any meaningful way at all it would have had to have been like crystals, as is the case for at least most energy implants (i.e. as far as my own inner inquiry indicates), and the one that she saw as holding my crown chakra open could hardly have been doing any such thing and, if that one existed at all, it probably was not where she saw it. Also, as I understand it now, even if the implants had been genuine, she was deceived about her having supposedly removed any of them. Their dissolution, along with that of other interferences, would have been commenced by me late in 2007, that dissolution particularly spearheaded by my use of the Grounding Point procedure together with use (at that time) of the Energy Egg and the Guardian Angel.

The very notion that a chakra can let in entities and other problems through being 'open' is one of the many fictions given to healers by the dark force. An 'open' chakra (if indeed such a thing as a chakra really exists at all) is actually nothing other than an energized one, and the dark force cultivates particular myths among healers to encourage them to de-energize chakras (really to slightly weaken a person's non-physical aspects), supposedly in the name of closing them to keep entities and other nasties out.

** The notion of the removals not being allowed was part of more fiction from the dark force. My understanding now is that, as observed in the next annotation, 'astral entities' actually cannot be removed and sealed out in the way that healers and 'lightworkers' almost universally believe - particularly as they aren't real entities in the first place. They can only be progressively 'faded out' of one's life experience through ongoing self actualization work. Also, as previously noted, the notion of the 'higher self' or 'higher consciousness' is a dark force sourced fiction designed to get us turning to the dark force posing as our 'higher self'.

In July 2006, as recounted further below, I had a session with E, a healer fully trained at the School of Energy Healing, a UK offshoot of the Barbara Brennan School of Healing. This of course too failed to remove the 'entities' and indeed briefly re-empowered them a little (because the dark force exploited the slight stress of my vainly trying to get rid of the supposed entities), and E 'revealed' that I had relationship chakra cords connecting me to the entities - which, it seemed at the time, helped to explain why no healing could remove them*. Supposedly, such cords could be dissolved only when one's 'higher consciousness' determines that it is for one's highest good for that to happen. For the time being I assumed that my 'higher consciousness' still saw it as for my highest good to keep the entities at the present time, in which case no ethical healing could get rid of them.

* That seemed convincing at that time, from within my own dark force sourced confusions, but actually it was just another bit of dark force sourced bullshit. There were no such cords connecting me to any entities, and in any case my understanding now is that, as noted further above, astral 'entities', being illusory manifestations of the dark force, actually cannot be removed at all by any means; they can only be 'faded out' of one's life experience through ongoing comprehensive genuine self actualization work by dark force free methodologies such as I present in Healing and Self Actualization - The Safest and Quickest Way.

And of course we have yet again bullshit about the involvement of my supposed 'higher consciousness', which I nowadays understand to be a dark force sourced fiction.

The day after that, the already mentioned experienced healer, dowser and 'lightworker' DL of Launceston, Cornwall, had a remote 'peek' at my 'aura', 'saw' a wide open 'door' from my 'aura' into the 'astral dimension', and supposedly closed it - having the previous day had my invitation to have a go at banishing my little 'pets'. The result? No change.

At that time my understanding was* that my own 'higher consciousness' had chosen for me to go through the difficult experiences with the 'entities', and therefore it simply undid or disallowed every healing or would-be protective measure that was aimed to get rid of them or keep them out. So, through hard experience, I'd progressively come to the view that presumably I had to allow this issue to work itself out and trust my 'higher consciousness' and any involved higher beings to clear out the 'astral entities' when they considered it would be for the 'highest good' that they be removed. It looked, thus, as though I might indeed be stuck with the 'entities' until I'd cleared out virtually all of the seemingly huge mass of stored fear and related trauma emotions that I was still carrying.

* This was all distorted balderdash, from the dark force posing as my 'higher consciousness' (the latter, as already noted, itself a fiction from the dark force). My understanding, now that I am getting really clear of these interferences, is that, as already noted, 'astral entities' simply cannot be 'sent on' or 'cast out' in the manner that the vast majority of healers appear to believe to be possible - because they are not true entities in the first place. What can be sent on - though not all that often through single direct 'healings' from another person - is earthbound spirit attachments and parasitic 'lost' souls. However, particularly the latter still generally need quite a lot of very effective emotional clearance and self actualization work to weaken their hold and then eventually to 'squeeze' them out.

The latter sort of methods, if really effective, also very gradually 'fade out' the interferences from the dark force, but without anything actually being sent away. I present methods for such clearance in Healing and Self Actualization - The Safest and Quickest Way.

I would say that the healer who came out the clear best in the above catalogue of unedifying healer confusions and gaffes was CS of Evesham, for he was the one who actually gave me genuinely helpful (grounding) advice for getting out of particular attack crisis events - though on the second occasion (in October 2004) the scale of the attack, and the particular course of events (in particular a 'life changing' visit from a couple of community policemen) didn't give his advice much opportunity to assist me as it had done on the first occasion. He did make his own gaffes, however, and clearly did not understand the real nature of 'astral beings' and the dark force, BUT he was the only one who clearly had a good idea that attending to certain grounding things was a first requirement in such crisis situations, and he communicated to me much more than any of the others a confidence that I was really okay and that the seemingly terminal crisis was just a little temporary 'blip' to clear with just a few simple measures. I felt about him a greater clarity than any of the others showed, and nowadays I'd interpret that as most likely indicating that he had distinctly less soul programming than them, and was thus closer to my own no-soul state.

"Your tests and trials are almost over"...

In July 2005 at the Findhorn Foundation, I had a 'reading' from SW, who, as I have remarked above, was apparently a very strong and supposedly reliable channel for Archangel Michael*. The latter, speaking through him, told me that my "tests and trials are almost over" and that I had already "won the war against the forces of darkness", emphatically repeating the latter twice as I cried a little. He also emphasized that the 'astral beings', despite all the difficult and dark experiences, had served an important healing end for me and so their ultimate function had been positive.

* As already noted, such higher beings are bogus, and actually, to my understanding, they are all illusions created in people's minds by the dark force. The supposed archangel's words certainly appeared to be wise and friendly, but it 'confirmed' a variety of bits of channelled misinformation about various supposed past lives of mine, without finding any errors - and indeed congratulated me on the quality of my channelling. In the light of what I understand now, that is clearly indicative of dark force influence in whatever SW was receiving (and indeed what ANY channel or medium would receive).

My own 'take' on what is happening when SW or indeed anyone else is supposedly channelling from a higher and seemingly positive source is as follows. They are actually receiving information and positive intents from their own deepest aspects and not an external source at all (there can be no 'higher' nor purer source than one's own very deepest aspect, which is fundamental consciousness or 'the Ultimate'), but there is a catch. Because they can't yet (until they are very advanced in their self actualization process) 'hear' the thoughts and communications from their deepest aspects directly, the dark force, which can 'read' all those deep levels of thought and attempted communication, relays all that information, and even an apparently positive and loving persona, to the person's ordinary mind, making it appear that a 'higher being' is doing the communicating. These relayed communications always contain distortions and usually serious deletions and additions with the aim of misleading.

I do not mean that there are necessarily no higher non-physical beings, but simply that we have no means to know about them, and because of the dark force seeking to get us hooked on belief in illusory 'higher realities', it is safest to keep clear of the whole matter and not to channel at all, instead cultivating the ability to tap the 'highest' source that there is for answers and healing - one's own deepest nature, which is based in fundamental consciousness or 'the Ultimate' itself. I write more about this in Better Without Channelling.

As for my "tests and trials" being almost over, well, that very statement was more dark force bullshit, seeking to legitimize the dark force's attempts to wreck me - like a Holocaust denier. So much for Archangel Michael's credibility as anything worthwhile to channel from!

In any case, actually the interferences and attacks continued right through 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008 and beyond - though thankfully with a steady diminution from mid 2007. Indeed, in early February 2007 I had a climactically severe and spectacular all-night ordeal - though at that stage I was strong enough not to be traumatized or really significantly harmed by it, even though it did lead me transiently into some danger. More about that in My Own Self Actualization 'Path' - Part 2 and My Little Brush With Psychiatry.

It was in late 2008 that, having done some very interesting and fruitful detective work upon my experiences, I found out what looks like being the true nature of the dark force, about which I say more in The True Nature of 'The Dark Force' and its Interference and Attacks.

Being pragmatic about medication

Rather than just be at the mercy of attacks when they came, in 2005 I set up a small stock of medication that I could use to get me through a severe peak of nasties and minimize the disruption to my life. This was primarily for enabling me to get some sleep when things were really rough, for even then during the daytime I preferred to remain unmedicated and to allow the nasty experiences to be what I thought for quite a while then to be just part of my self healing process. The medication that I settled on was Haloperidol (an antipsychotic) in 1.5 mg and 5 mg tablets (the latter only for really strong peaks), and Zopiclone and Nitrazepam sleeping tablets - keeping both so that they were alternated to minimize any possible addiction or tolerance problems. I found that a nocturnal dose of Haloperidol greater than 1.5 mg caused me a really bothersome drowsiness for much of the next day, so I learnt to limit Haloperidol to the latter modest dosage.

However, following from recommendation during my third hospitalization, in September 2006, I discarded all the Haloperidol and then had 0.5 mg Risperidone tablets available instead (another antipsychotic).

Also, it was general policy of mine never to take a sleeping tablet on two successive nights, even if it meant sometimes risking some sleepless nights (ameliorated, though, with Haloperidol or Risperidone if a particular night looked like being problematical). In fact I had to recourse to such medication only occasionally, but it was a great reassurance to have means to control severe attack peaks and avoid the successions of rough, sleepless nights that I'd had at times in 2004.

I really didn't want to use antipsychotics at all, but it was really somewhat necessary at that time that I keep a little stock of antipsychotic and be prepared to take a tablet as a sort of 'political' measure, either just before or soon after calling the Crisis Team, because that would avoid awkwardness with individuals who I was wanting to be supportive at that time, and who mostly automatically expected me to take some medication that a psychiatric consultant / doctor had prescribed or recommended for me. It was much more helpful for gaining supportiveness from the putative support person if I was able to answer the inevitable question as to what medication I was currently taking, to be able to say that although I wasn't taking ongoing medication ('BAD!'), I'd just taken a tablet of xxx to try to reduce the severity of the current attack, or would be taking a tablet of that when I went to bed. My showing some signs of flexibility and pragmatism helped cultivate such people's trust in my own self-care choices, which of course included my NOT taking ongoing medication.

As things got better from me, from mid 2007 onwards, I didn't compromise so much, and no longer had anything to do with the antipsychotics, and was open about this and what my inner inquiry and energy testing had indicated about their harmfulness, but would still take a Zopiclone tablet (NEVER again Nitrazepam or any other benzodiazepine type drug) at bedtime when the dark force was really seriously disturbing my sleep.*

* More recently I developed a proper strategy for managing potentially rough nights with dark force attacks or indeed other disturbances, and I present that in Ways of Handling a Prospective Rough or Sleepless Night.

For a while I tried the herbal preparation called Kalms (containing valerian, hops and gentian extracts), but as far as I could tell it was more or less ineffective for what I was going through. One contra-indication I noted was that allegedly this herbal medication was reckoned not to have its alleged beneficial effect on sleep unless taken regularly (three times per day). That goes against the really sensible policy - of keeping right off medication except for the occasional emergency situations. Many people have the mistaken notion that medication is fine as long is it is with natural products. The real point is that ongoing medication, whether natural or synthetic, is being used to try and reduce or eliminate symptoms and so to take attention away from the problem that is causing the symptoms. It therefore points us away from true healing, which latter would resolve the underlying issue(s).

By use of energy testing I have been able to establish that Haloperidol and Risperidone appear to be much more harmful than is generally recognised. This is because they are weakening to a person's non-physical aspects and thus they would be bound to have harmful effects that aren't immediately apparent and may take months or years to show up, and then it would be very difficult for any medic to make a connection between the much earlier use of the drug and the developing problems in the person's physical and mental functioning. In my case the Risperidone was apparently less harmful than the Haloperidol - but only because I was taking such a small dose of Risperidone that it wasn't really having a noticeable effect on me at all (it was more of a sop to the doctors and psychiatric healthcare services in order to avoid being forced to take anything stronger and more harmful still). In any case I did NOT take either drug in an ongoing manner as the latter people were all wanting me to - and now I am particularly thankful that I didn't.

Concerning sleeping tablets, although no sleeping tablets are benign, Zopiclone appears to be considerably less harmful long-term than the benzodiazepine family of drugs, including Nitrazepam, Temazepam and Diazepam, which latter three are bound to be very harmful indeed long-term (even when their use has been discontinued) on account of their strong weakening effect in one's non-physical aspects, and, in my 'respectful' view, would thus be better wiped off the face of the Earth.

By the same means I have established that Kalms appear also to be much more harmful long-term than people generally recognise. It is a popular fallacy that any 'natural' product is 'safe' and 'healthy' for us to ingest. Is Hemlock poison better for us if it is 'natural' or synthetic (with the magic label 'pharmaceutical')? Surely they'd both be equally toxic! Best by far to keep right out of the medication mindset, regardless of whether pharmaceutical or 'natural', and instead actually address and resolve the underlying cause of each problem.

I initiated a thorough clearance from my system of the accumulated harmful effects of these (and other) drugs and toxic substances by focused use of the Energy Egg and Guardian Angel.

The only medication that I am keeping now (note that I say "keeping" and not "using") is Zopiclone; the rest have been discarded - no doubt a potential source of dismay for the doctors who'd been dealing with me, in their great non-wisdom!

Actually, much later on I found that during the rare occasions when I did get persistent strong dark force attacks during the night, it proved to be best policy to take Zopiclone just for the odd night, in order that my life not be too disrupted by very rough nights with no sleep. But I still regarded it as being something of a 'safety net' to fall back on only as a last resort for one-off nights and not as something that I'd ever take regularly, and indeed I regarded it as something that I really intended never to have to take again.

Having a safety net

The dark force had been able to give me a particularly rough time because it was exploiting my solitary lifestyle and deep-seated pattern of isolation and loneliness, which readily weakened the grounding of my awareness and thus made me vulnerable to both deceptions and attacks from the dark force. It was quite dramatic how attacks fell away when I was hospitalized - not because of hospital medication but because I was away from the solitude of my flat and was then having ongoing contact with people who were at least to some extent supportive (I am thinking here primarily of the lovely nurses rather than the doctors, who, especially in my first two hospitalizations, were so useless), and so I was becoming more grounded and getting a more 'outward' balance of my awareness and getting more sense of 'connectedness'. Another situation that I found to be attack-free was when I was staying at the Findhorn Foundation* - one week in June and two weeks in July, 2005.

* This does not constitute any sort of recommendation, because, despite the multitude of tremendously good intentions in that community, it is heavily steeped in all the trappings of a whole admixture of 'spiritual traditions', which, as I explain in Exit 'Spirituality' - Enter 'Clear-Mindedness', are all highly problematical from the perspective of progressing towards genuine self actualization. The only thing that was keeping me free of attacks was really the grounding effect of my having a lot of friendly people around and interacting with them in positive and constructive ways, including sharing some of the community chores, ranging from cleaning of toilets to helping with the laundry, to working in the kitchen.

However, hospital appeared not to be really what was required to deal with the crises, but simply somewhere to sleep out for a few nights with a friend or other supportive people around. I had no suitable friend to stay with, but when I had a crisis at the end of April 2005 I found that by contacting the psychiatric hospital's Crisis Resolution Team (CRT) I could be put out into respite care instead of having to go into hospital yet again, and indeed that was the option I took. That time I was away for just three nights, with no silly doctors, no drugs, and complete freedom to go out on unaccompanied walks. The CRT are wonderful people who recognise that many such crises are non-medical issues and so wherever possible they seek non-medical or at least non-hospital means of handling the crises that they are asked to help with.

It thus became an ongoing reassurance to me that, still in absence of any suitable friend to turn to for support, I had the safety net of the CRT to contact, should I have any further big peak of trauma emotion feelings that rose to crisis level. Having that reassurance actually made me feel more secure and thus less threatened when a peak of nasties did arise, consequently rendering such peaks less likely to reach crisis level in the first place.

However, on the basis of subsequent experience I eventually came to the conclusion that for me very brief hospitalizations were likely to be more effective than non-hospital respite care as I'd experienced it, because when I had the latter actually I was left on my own a lot, and although it was nice being free to go out on country walks in the vicinity, actually I didn't get so well grounded and the attacks still continued somewhat afterwards. My real need was for getting my awareness fully grounded and balanced, by having supportive and well grounded people pretty closely around me all the time for a little while. I say this in the context that I'd developed a very positive and constructive relationship with the particular hospital nursing staff and doctors (even though there was such an awareness 'chasm', and thus an apparently unresolvable disagreement, between the doctors and me).

The downside about the hospital 'route', though, was the potential for being forced to take a stronger medication rather than just a lip-service to keep the doctors quiet. Fortunately in my case I had already convinced the psychiatric doctors in 2004 that I really could 'recover' dramatically from a crisis with absolute minimum of medication (they couldn't get their heads around the notion that I'd do even better with no medication at all!).

The Crisis Resolution Team, in any case, remained my primary safety net, and when a crisis seemed to be developing and it looked as though I'd be denied sleep, I'd phone the Crisis Team and have a chat. Usually that was enough to defuse the attack and 'puncture' the developing crisis, but on two further occasions the Crisis Team people facilitated my admission to the Cedars hospital for short stays in order to reground and rebalance myself in the event of exceptionally severe crisis events. On another occasion (the spectacular February 2007 ordeal), when apparently there were no hospital beds available just then, two nice people from the Crisis Team periodically visited me for a few days, and that enabled me to get sufficiently rebalanced to get clear of that particular crisis.

Even in 2008 there were two main attempts by the dark force at creating crises for me, which were starting to get a bit disruptive, and so I yet again called the Crisis Team, but by then I had no cause to contemplate being admitted to hospital or respite care; just the odd chat on the phone was all that was needed to ground and balance my awareness just that little bit more, together with very powerful self immunization procedures using the Grounding Point procedure together with my tuning my Energy Egg to the emotional 'button pushing' element of each attack.

Updates - Confusions progressively unravel,
and then comes the Great Turnaround

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So far we have looked at my experiences simply as a potted summary-narrative about my being taken through major adversities by the dark force, and how I was gradually getting myself clearer of those interferences and attacks.

So, to round off this page, let us now have a brief consideration of just why all these pretty dire things were happening to me.

Why did all this happen to ME?

This has to be speculation, although based on my inner inquiry to get suggestive pointers to help construct some sort of working model of what had really been going on. I don't subscribe to the notion that such things can happen to people without better reason than that they are somehow 'ill' or 'disordered', or "it just happened" (i.e. without any cause). It should be pretty clear from all that I have written above that some influence, presence or 'power' was really being quite purposeful in trying to distort and at times completely disrupt my life (as happens for a small but significant minority of people), and in some very distinctive ways that were completely alien to me - i.e. this personality Philip Goddard.

It is worth bearing in mind that I had had a certain almost lifelong dedication to becoming free of emotional traumas and limiting beliefs, and thus becoming fully free and, as far as reasonably possible, a full manifestation of my deepest nature, which is fully positive, healthy, and deeply, awarely rational in a warm and healthily loving way. That is basically what I and others call self actualization or self realization - though different people and traditions have different ideas of the specifics of what it is and how achieved.

I have already presented my working model of what that troublesome influence appears to be, and in broad terms how it operates, in The True Nature of 'The Dark Force' and its Interference and Attacks. On the basis of that 'understanding' (i.e. working model) of the dark force, I speculatively postulate the following linked agendas that look as though they were running for me:

• To stop me from becoming a significant disseminator of insights and means to enable people to clear themselves of dark force influence and get out of religion and so-called spiritual paths and into true and comprehensive self actualization (which would make people totally free from and invulnerable to such interference).

  The dark force presumably detected at the start of my life that I had an exceptionally powerful 'freedom' energy that appeared to be a threat to the working of its intrinsic programming to keep interfering with all people in ways that would maintain the very existence of the dark force*. Any person who puts up a full-frontal challenge to its agenda would be, in its control-oriented 'view', somebody who must be stopped at all costs.

  * I explain about this in The True Nature of 'The Dark Force' and its Interference and Attacks. I had originally written here of the dark force having plans to take control of the whole human race, but, while the situation can indeed be 'read' like that, one is then left with an unanswered question as to why it is so unremittingly fixated on gaining such control.
  

  Once you regard the dark force as being just thought-form 'programming' that is, just as a result of a natural selection process, programmed to do whatever will maintain its existence, rather than there being actual aware beings having an actual desire to control, you have a much more helpful angle on the whole situation, which leaves no major questions unresolved and also points to the most effective remedial measures for us to take.

  However, I subsequently found out that the situation may be less straightforward, if indeed the astral thought forms are working in tandem with the postulated cacoprotean network, which would then most likely be the real primary aspect of the dark force, and that network would certainly be controlled by programming to keep seeking to expand the network (i.e. always seeking to gain new members, by means fair or, normally, foul), both to directly perpetuate itself (after all, people do inconsiderately go and die), and to eliminate the possible threats from people who are outside its control.

• To get my awareness so poorly grounded (by means of all the ordeals, attacks and supposedly disorientating tricks and deceptions) that it could get a particular pre-programmed and very powerful 'lost' human soul attached to me as a sort of partial walk-in, so that the dark force could then control me through that attached 'lost' soul. As far as I can tell so far, the dark force may well have been trying to get me functioning as a prominent and charismatic 'spiritual' teacher like the late Sai Baba, a prominent and quite widely revered 'spiritual' teacher in India who was also quite widely known to be working hand-in-hand with the dark force (performing 'miracles' is an immediate sign of this, though there were many other matters such as his putting psychic attacks on people who he was aware could 'see through' his act) - but, in view of the ways my 'guidance' had been trying to lead me, I'd most likely have been even more overtly 'dark' in my practices than he was.

  Because of my sharp intellect I may well have been 'seen' as potentially a particularly powerful and desirable puppet teacher of 'the dark arts' - but because of my inner freedom and independence of mind, this couldn't happen without my having a particularly powerful partial walk-in or spirit attachment to control me and ensure that I was responsive to the dark force's lures with depraved sexual attractions to keep me firmly and unwaveringly on the 'dark path'.

  Actually, I am pretty sure that if the dark force had managed to get that particular 'lost' soul installed in my system (as a partial walk-in), which I understand would have been more difficult to remove than the standard parasitic 'lost' souls that I did have, almost certainly it wouldn't have worked as the dark force had been striving for, because I'd have had the clarity to realize that something was very wrong, and I'd have thus had a rough time of it through the inner conflicts and would have been actively seeking assistance and also redoubling my efforts to find the most effective self healing and entity clearance methods. So, it is extremely unlikely that I'd have actually become any really effective puppet for 'the dark side' even then. Perhaps, then, the real purpose of a partial walk-in for me would have been simply to render me 'broken' (an intractable 'psychiatric case') and thus harmless to the dark force agenda.

  Please also see Partial Walk-ins - How the 'dark forces' nearly nobbled me.

• To kill me by means of particular psychic attack strategies from actual people who were themselves strongly dark force controlled via the postulated cacoprotean network, so getting me right out of the way. 

Paranoia, you guess? -- Well, now read on and see what you make of this...

Now the scary bit - What I was really up against

If you have read the rest of this page up to this point, please now proceed to The Dark Force ('Astral Entities') - My Own Tough Experiences (continuation).

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Appendix - Selected memorable experiences and plus points

I list now a selection of highlights and plus points of what I have been through. This is a very personal selection of what particularly stands out, including particular experiences that had shown me important things about myself.

• 'Powerful' self healing, albeit in the craziest manner!
  The experiences of being attacked with trauma emotion feelings actually functioned as parts of a powerful ultra-accelerated healing process for exceptionally massive trauma complexes that I was carrying, which actually didn't belong to me at all but to parasitic 'lost' souls attached to me, and which I was experiencing almost as my own. I was able to release such feelings powerfully over a period, simply by being their peaceful observer. Even when experiencing the awesomely unbearable feelings of full-throttle terror, I was still the peaceful observer - though sweating profusely and with dry mouth, and then coming out in strong trembling.

  Having said that, though, I do not mean to imply that the above would really be a sensible or valid choice for myself or anyone else as a healing method, particularly as, despite the emotional clearance that was occurring, repeated use of that method would have always been harmful and progressively weakening in other ways. Simply, as the particular situation had been imposed upon me, I recognised the positive things that were occurring, as well as the harmful and disruptive elements, and sought to get (and recognise) some healing effect out of whatever happened to me.

  In reality, use of Self-Power Walking or/and the Grounding Point procedure and also the Energy Egg (the latter primarily for addressing environmental stress aspects of one's healing task) would have been massively more powerful still, with no harmful effects (that I am yet aware of), and always an absolutely painless and enjoyable experience. See Healing and Self Actualization - The Safest and Quickest Way.

• The 'exam'
  I learnt many, many things about my strengths - including areas and degrees of strength that I previously never knew I had. There was one particular phase of my October 2004 ordeals when, mostly by night, I was given a series of questions with multiple choice answers to choose from - like an oral exam, of all things. Let's remember, at this point I was assuming that, although 'astral beings' seemed to be involved, these questions with multiple choice answers were coming from a higher source and represented real life choices for me - even though I also knew that it could be just a show from the 'astral beings'.

  Certain choices that I made then would have scared most people's pants off, because I was not prepared to allow threats to deflect me from my basis of love and aware consideration for others - even the threat of the ultimate hell in Buddhism, the purported Hell of Ultimate Torment. There were the odd heart-stopping moments when I'd made particular choices that allegedly would right there and then drop me into that very hell. In fact each time I made such a choice and immediately nervously waited to see if I was really going to drop into that 'hell', I was greeted by a thunderous voice calling out "Oh no, you don't!" and then nothing happened - but the fact remains that I had actually chosen, provided it would be truly for the ultimate good, to experience the supposed Hell of Ultimate Torment. That 'exam' was definitely not for the faint-hearted!

  My understanding now, based on subsequent inner inquiry, is that there appear to have been actually two parallel or alternative very sinister agendas behind certain of the ordeals, including this one. The first would be the one described in Partial Walk-ins - How the 'dark forces' nearly nobbled me. From that viewpoint, first and foremost, the above example would have been aimed at scaring me so much that I'd go sufficiently out of body for the dark force to bring about the partial walk-in that it was so strenuously seeking to get stuck into my 'system'. In that event it failed colossally because I was not really frightened at all, but simply feeling a superficial nervousness while otherwise being still peaceful observer, simply accepting 'What Is'. At that point I'd been feeling a very deep sense that everything was actually working all right for me, and, despite any superficial appearances just then, my own deepest aspects were ensuring that I would come to no harm - as was evidently the case!
  

  It looks as though there was a second parallel or alternative extremely sinister and chilling agenda involved, as you can begin to understand from the item on Cutting ties with Buddhism, further below.

• I'll hike or drop dead!
  In the early 2004 ordeals I was being brought down to a very low ebb by being repeatedly given what had subsequently been described to me as feelings from an ancient 'disconnection' trauma of mine (when, allegedly, my higher consciousness had killed me by severing all my relationship chakra cords)* often at a traumatically strong level; at the time I was told that this was all experiments upon me by ascended masters to test the depth of my spiritual realization, and the supposed 'ascended masters' (i.e. really the dark force) were closing to varying degrees my relationship chakra cords and also greatly reducing the overall power level of my 'aura', and they actually kept reporting to me the alleged percentages of normal level - occasionally going down to 1% when it felt as though I were close to dying, and I was told that if the cords were completely closed it would kill me.

  * As far as I understand it now, being a no-soul incarnation, I presumably have had no such past life, so any past life trauma that was affecting me in any way wouldn't have been mine but would have belonged to one or more of the attached parasitic 'lost' souls. In this particular case, however, as far as I have been able to ascertain so far, the particular traumatic feelings were actually basically birth trauma (most likely not just mine but combined from one or more of the attached 'lost' souls) but strongly distorted to greatly magnify the sense of disconnection, out-and-out bleakness and personal devastation, at least as compared with the trauma that I myself experienced at birth (which has recently been in some measure 'shown' to me by my deeper aspects non-traumatically for information purposes).
  

  For more about the process of degradation of human souls brought about by the dark force, please see The True Nature of 'The Dark Force' and its Interference and Attacks.

  In the midst of these desperate-feeling tribulations, a fine Saturday was forecast and I was determined that I was going to get out on a hike despite all this. On the Friday I said resolutely to the inner voices that I commanded that my energy system be fully restored for the hike, and a rather mocking-sounding chorus of voices - supposedly higher beings but of course really the dark force - told me that that would not be possible. However, I went to bed early and rose early on the Saturday, feeling very weak and quite ghastly. Every thought of mine about the prospective hike was greeted with a chorus of inner voices mockingly pleading with me not to do such a foolish thing. But my resolve was set and I did indeed go, telling the supposed highest will that if it wanted me to remain alive it was up to it to restore my energy system. I was quite clear that it was okay if the outing killed me, because living the way that I was experiencing then was no way to live at all, so I would either hike or drop dead, and sod the lot of these so-called 'ascended masters' who were doing such diabolical things to me!

  When I set out on the initial half-hour's road walk in the hitch-hike for Exmouth I felt as though I could well drop dead even on my way to the start of the scheduled walk. Anyway, in fact I completed the walk, from Exmouth, along the coast path to Beer - about 21 miles (34 km) and 1,140 metres of ascent - in pretty normal time and with no great trouble. Indeed it seemed that in the later part of the walk I was getting massive assistance from angelic beings* - I could feel a certain energy 'presence' propelling me along.

  * Although I have no way to completely rule out the possibility that I was getting assistance from higher beings, as already repeatedly noted, my current understanding is that there are no true 'higher' beings that we could ever know of. So, my 'assistance' would thus have been simply the strength and openness of my own deepest aspects (actually the true 'highest' source) coming through, no doubt in response to my determination to push through all the apparent obstructions given me by the dark force. The latter, however, most likely reduced its attacks during the walk in ways that gave me the impression of my getting 'angelic' assistance, for cultivating in me a belief in higher beings would have been very much a part of its agenda.

• There's a laughing space in everything...
  In a rather earlier phase of the early 2004 ordeals I had been given some particularly nightmarish and traumatic experiences with being given the impression of having hordes of purported vengeful spirits of wolves that had been killed by humans, also with some purported 'demons', set upon me, and I was supposed to send these 'to the Light' as they attached to me - well, except that the demons allegedly couldn't be 'sent to the Light' and had to be converted into angels. You see how crazy all this was!   I understand in hindsight that all this was simulations, but they were made pretty realistic, with nasty 'chakra' feelings as the fictitious spirits attached to me - particularly at the supposed crown chakra.

  As a result of some quite traumatic experiences during this phase of the troubles, I learnt that the only way for me really to handle such assaults was just to let go of any notion of defending or protecting myself and simply to trust the 'highest will' to do what it would - and when I adopted that approach those particular attacks dissolved.

  Anyway, once I had just about got that tactic established I had a hilarious time one evening, when, in my 'inner vision', I was sent two supposedly very formidable-looking 'demons' which were of elongate, rather reptilian shape and had faces that were not altogether appealing and bore long, pointed teeth, and they both attached to my left leg, sinking their teeth in. I saw the funny side of this, as it reminded me of a dog shagging my leg, and I was in fits of laughter* at that for the rest of the evening, with a dull ache developing at my left knee, where one of the alleged demons had its 'etheric' (i.e. really illusory) teeth embedded. While this was going on I was given an appearance of an audience of angels above me, who were also in fits of laughter in amazement at my own gutsy mirth with two alleged demons still attached to my leg.

  * What I didn't understand till much more recently was that those paroxysmal fits of laughter were themselves the product of a sort of attack from the dark force for the purpose of draining my energy. I did notice at the time that the laughter made me feel really exhausted in a way that nothing else had done, but at that point my awareness was too ungrounded for me to question more deeply what was going on and put two and two together.
  

  Nonetheless, my humour and even hilarity were still genuine then, and I still get a laugh when I think back to then - it was simply that my hilarity was being exploited to try to further pull me down. Ordinary laughter is fine - but I know now to interrupt and put a firm stop on any of that uncontrollable, paroxysmal laughter that tends to bring tears to the eyes.

• Tricked into thinking I'd been Jesus
  At a quite early stage in promoting the agenda of seeking to persuade me that I was 'King of All the Realms', in early November 2003 the dark force, making out to be the well-known high guide Orin, tricked me into accepting (for a while) that I'd been Jesus, and this came about in such a way that it was made to appear that this was forbidden information that I'd stumbled upon despite the best efforts of my guidance to prevent me from knowing it. That of course made this misinformation look particularly convincing - all the more so because one of the emotional traumas that I was healing was suggestive of my having been at least close to Jesus in that particular lifetime*. Purportedly, my knowing this forbidden information at that point was a serious threat to the whole alleged Higher Plan for Humanity. That immediately terrified me and I even offered to leave this incarnation at that very point if it would be for the 'highest good'**.

  * Well, it indeed was very suggestive of that from my viewpoint then, not knowing that any apparent past life experiences / traumas that were affecting me were not necessarily my own. Theoretically, one of the parasitic lost souls attached to me might have had such a direct connection with the historical Jesus, but I think it is much more likely that one or more of them had some trauma(s) that had some sort of emotional connection or resonance with particular aspects of the biblical stories about Jesus' life, and the sweet little dark force merrily distorted certain aspects of that to make it seem that the particular impressions that I got really did relate to a past connection of mine with the historical Jesus.
  

  A particular apparent indicator for me was how I would burst into tears profusely whenever I contemplated the biblical story of the disciple Simon Peter's three denials of Jesus - the dark force kindly covertly 'feeding' me the implication that I had actually been Simon Peter.

  ** Re-reading this nowadays is distinctly scary, now that I understand about the dark force's repeated attempts to try and stage upon me a partial walk-in. Fortunately, although in relative terms for me - already enlightened - the particular situation 'terrified' me, I didn't really get beyond an emotional state of moderate fear, and even then an important part of my awareness was sufficiently grounded for me to be pretty well continuously releasing that fear through trembling. But what the dark force had presumably been after was my being really terrified - enough that I would go out of body sufficiently for it to stage that confounded partial walk-in on me. During my succession of experiences with the dark force, it appears to have been trying me out for that in all manner of ways, trying to find some weak point of mine, which, if appropriately challenged by it, would lead to my going out of body like that.

  My 'guidance' assured me after a night of supposed inquiries to 'higher dimensions' that it wouldn't be necessary after all for me to leave this incarnation, and then led me through a gruelling session of affirmations for much of the evening of 5th November, repeatedly jumping up and down and roaring "I am Jesus of Nazareth!" (using a crumpled up handkerchief to muffle the sound for obvious reasons - and my flat is remarkably soundproofed anyway). This repeatedly brought about a tremendous amount of trembling (the release of fear), and resulted in a considerable and pretty abrupt increase in my self esteem, which actually considerably assisted me during the subsequent ordeals that the dark force took me through.

  It was a particularly surreal experience, because during this long evening session I was facing my living room window, and seeing all the fireworks going off over and around the bottom part of Exeter city, for in the UK the 5th of November is celebrated as Guy Fawkes' Day, and it is the national annual fireworks celebration time.

  The story that I'd been Jesus was dropped a couple of months later when my 'guidance' then told me that a fellow in the USA who'd contacted me, and who thought he was a Maitreya incarnation, had actually been Jesus, and I allegedly had been the latter's disciple Simon Peter - indeed the story that the dark force had covertly been cultivating in my mind for some years up to when I'd suddenly been surprised out of my pants by suddenly having the purported 'Jesus' identity sprung upon me. You see how confusing and convoluted it can become when you are unwittingly being 'guided' by the dark force - which you are if you are being 'guided' by anything non-physical that appears to be in any way external to yourself (and that includes 'God' and the 'Holy Spirit')!

  The change that occurred in me as a result of that intensive self healing and pattern-breaking session was so great that it seemed almost like reincarnation within the same body, for I had a distinct sense at that time of leaving behind a timid persona, which I labelled 'Doubting Phil'. Of course my so-called 'guidance' did seek to persuade me that I was reincarnating in the same body just then, but I am pretty sure that, except in figurative terms, this had not happened.

  I actually doubt whether that session, although certainly powerful, had brought about such a big change for me. Almost certainly the dark force was manipulating my feelings in order to promote the notion that I was reincarnating within the same body, as part of the dark force's bogus storyline about me having a great destiny to be some sort of spiritual leader or teacher for all of 'Humanity'.
  

  Even well in retrospect, though, it does appear that I did at that point gain a significant improvement in my self confidence - and indeed it looks as though that particular improvement was later on to backfire upon the poor little dark force, in that I became distinctly more ready to recognise and publicly expose its troublesome ways, and generally to get discarding / ignoring its bullshitting and get in touch with what was really going on - though that ability did still take time to develop properly, so that for a time I still had major troubles on my hands.

  Extraordinarily, it was during that gruelling session of 'I am Jesus of Nazareth' affirmations that I first had channelled to me what I eventually came to call the Am Re symbol, my right hand being repeatedly guided to draw in the air this strange symbol that was both OM and spiral and more. I did not know at the time what the symbol was, nor the source of it, my 'guidance' mischievously telling me that it was the 'new OM' and intended by the highest powers to be disseminated throughout the world, initially via my website, to replace all other versions of the OM because its 'vibration rate' was much higher - and then over the next month persuading me that it was the basis of a new healing system that I supposedly developed.

  On the basis of my observations of what had been happening to me, plus my inner inquiry supported by energy testing on the subject, I understand now that no symbol at all connects to the highest healing energies or levels of consciousness, so that, contrary to widespread belief, using symbols (including Reiki symbols, the pentagram or the OM) could NEVER have helped me in the slightest towards enlightenment or genuine self actualization, and neither were any of them enhancers of my healing abilities. Indeed, any such symbols at all would always limit my healing abilities.
  

  Furthermore, my understanding is that such symbols ALL in various ways interfere with our 'energy systems' in ways that make us more susceptible to the interference and influences of the dark force. They are also ungrounding in their effect, which further opens us to dark force interference and influence. Thus they are ALL a serious obstacle to true self actualization and clear-mindedness.

  So, what I have written here about the Am Re being channelled to me is actually not at all about a real positive gain from my experiences as I had thought until 2007, but really about a quite major problem I was given in the guise of something very positive.

• Cutting ties with Buddhism
  In the course of my October 2004 ordeals, late one evening I was directed to destroy or discard everything in my flat that had strong Buddhism connections. Most dramatic was the smashing on the floor of framed portraits of several Tibetan 'masters'* and a small plaster Buddha figure, but also in the course of this apparently destructive orgy I destroyed two beautiful and seemingly precious sacred geometry healing tools that I had obtained from the Maitreya Monastery in Glastonbury, and threw away (to go to landfill!) a most wonderful-sounding Tibetan bell and singing bowl, both of which were in my estimation superior to most that I'd tried sounding at various shows.

  * Yes, and a real crazy thing that was, in practical terms, for I was finding splinters of glass on my carpet and indeed elsewhere in my living room for months afterwards, as I'd well realized would be the case!

  This may sound like a totally negative happening, but in fact, at the time it appeared to be an important step for me to take* - a symbolic breaking of very strong ties with Buddhism that my 'guidance' often in various ways 'reminded' me that I was carrying, and thus a breaking of my purported ties to the false, dark force sourced teachings in Buddhism, which, according to my 'guidance', in this lifetime had been background beliefs and patterns holding back my emergence as an independent-minded promoter of genuine self actualization - though at that time I was thinking of myself still as a 'spiritual teacher', not having yet understood that 'spirituality' is a seriously harmful sidetrack.

  * Little did I know then just how important - indeed, urgently so, it very likely had been that I have that little smash-up session then! It now looks to have been tremendously helpful to me in a way that I had no idea of till I did some inner inquiry supported by energy testing in early 2009. I cannot guarantee that the following scenario is 100% correct, because the sort of inner inquiry used is not completely reliable, particularly with regard to specific details of supposed 'fact', but at least it does tie up very nicely with all my actual observations of what was going on, and it does appear to make more sense of a variety of the goings-on at that time, which, without such an explanation, would continue to look pretty chaotic.
  

  Actually, on the face of it, because (it appears) I am a no-soul incarnation, any ties to Buddhism that I seemed to be carrying presumably couldn't have been genuinely mine apart from the very superficial one of having briefly embraced Buddhism around the time of my enlightenment in early 1997. Some of the parasitic lost souls attached to me did have ties to Buddhism, I think, including Buddhist vows, but there were limits to the extent I would have been able to break those ties, because although they would have been affecting me to a certain extent they would have been simply not mine, and thus, like emotional issues of the attached parasitic lost souls, would have been much slower and more difficult to clear than anything similar that truly belonged to me myself.

  It turns out (revealed by much more recent inner inquiry) that nearly all of the problem that I was carrying, relating to those Buddhism connections, was actually an illusory reality that the dark force had covertly been building and cultivating in a more or less hidden part of my mindspace, in which I had actually had one or more past lives in supposedly high level Tibetan Buddhism and had taken vows and had taken on beliefs in sequential, karmic reincarnation, in severe retributional karma and in the whole 'menagerie' of hells in the Buddhist teachings. As far as I can tell, this illusory reality was created and being built up specifically during the earlier part this particular (October 2004) sequence of ordeals for an actually quite alarming and indeed chilling purpose.

  Now it becomes clear just why I was motivated and indeed 'guided' to do what I could to break my apparent Buddhist connections at that time - something that had always seemed a bit strange for the dark force to 'guide' me to do, seeing that any of that Buddhist crap in my system would have furthered the dark force's agenda for me. My energy testing reveals that it was NOT the dark force that motivated me to do that, but my own deeper aspects, which could see a serious threat rapidly developing for me because of that illusory reality that the dark force was still covertly building and strengthening in that hidden part of my mindspace.

  I can indeed now see the potentiality for severe trouble in the later parts of that sequence of severe ordeals if I'd not taken that radical step and done that smashing-up at that time. Although I had no significant true Buddhist connections of my own, that illusory reality, sneakily there in the back of my mind, was beginning to have the effect upon me, in my ungrounded state during those ordeals, of becoming a part of my actual subjective reality, so that the dark force could then drop me into the illusion of those Buddhist hells, supposedly as the result of the severe retributional karma that was included in that illusory reality.

  Now, what had appeared to be just a lot of hot air from my actually dark force 'guidance' during the later part of that sequence of ordeals, about me being about to be dropped into the Hell of Ultimate Torment (and other hells too) comes to have a much more sinister ring. I could possibly have been dropped into desperately horrific and traumatizing experiences, with considerable uncertainty as to the viability of my state following that. Indeed, there is a distinct possibility that I'd have gone into a coma state, inwardly experiencing one or more of the hells subjectively for 'aeons', while nasty things would most likely have then been done by medics to try to bring me round. Indeed, whether I'd have come out of that coma at all is itself in doubt, no matter what anyone would have done to try to 'save' me.

  Indeed, for a time during those ordeals, that sort of thing was precisely what my 'guidance' was claiming was going to happen to me. But in the event, no trace of any hells or real 'nasties' could manifest for me apart from the straightforward attacks from the dark force, very likely, then, because my 'cutting all Buddhist connections' smash-up session had actually altered that virulent illusory reality by actually breaking at least much of my connection with Buddhism, which existed within that illusory reality. Thus, in functional terms that illusory reality would have been largely destroyed, even though it most likely would have still been present but then relatively harmless.

  Although the dark force most likely got to work at once to replace or 'repair' that illusory reality, the latter presumably wouldn't have been able any longer work on me for that purpose, because I then 'knew' that I'd broken my ties with Buddhism, and that would have prevented the particular illusory reality from affecting me very much any more, even though within that illusory reality I would indeed have had Buddhist connections again.

  Having said that, however, I don't know how far that very nasty scenario could really have worked on me, because of the dogged groundedness of a particular part of my awareness that had to be pretty seriously ungrounded for such methods to at least work fully on me. As evidenced by my general resistance to being dragged into seriously troublesome astral realm experiences, the chances are that the "I am still a Buddhist at heart" illusory reality wouldn't have been able to have at least the full intended effect on me.

  Still, that had been, on the face of it, a chilling and significant possibility for me. Thank goodness I did let go of my inhibitions and have that little smash-up session!

  

  
  Seriously harmful devices from the Maitreya Monastery: the the Shambhala Star pendant (top) and the Deva Vajra. I stamped and jumped upon them to distort and break them before they went into my domestic refuse - and, knowing what I know now, I would very happily do it again if I found myself confronted by such monstrosities ("All that glisters is not gold!")!

  Although the destruction of the two special 'healing' tools looked horrendously negative, actually they had been made in a Buddhist monastic environment, and so my getting rid of them was a part of my making that complete symbolic break with Buddhism. At that time I had no idea that those 'healing' tools were actually extremely harmful and my destroying them had been a Bloody Good Thing! Would that I had followed suit and destroyed or at least discarded all my other sacred geometry 'healing' aids there and then (i.e. those made by GH)! For some reason, not very mysterious to me nowadays, the dark force never once sought to get me to get rid of those!

  This raises the inevitable question as to how it came that my deeper aspects didn't similarly direct me to destroy or discard those too. My inner inquiry results, underlined by my observations in hindsight, are strongly suggestive that actually my deeper aspects were all along seeking to get me to do just that, but those attempts were blocked by my dark force reinforced belief that the sacred geometry wands were all very positive and powerful healing tools.
  

  Actually, even before these troubles from the dark force had broken out, when GH, the 'lightworker' who had made those sacred geometry wands, delivered the first wands to me, I think in August 2003, when we parted with what I felt was a rather ritualized and not deeply 'meant' embrace, I felt a peculiar misgiving about him - as though there were a sort of menace about him despite his superficially very peaceful and composed manner, and that he had the potential to bring me harm. I recurrently felt that misgiving about him, and always dismissed it just as my 'fanciful thoughts', but now I am pretty sure that that was indeed warnings even then from my deeper aspects - but of course I didn't have energy testing then and so I had no means, apart from my actually highly troublesome channelling, to put those 'fanciful' impressions about GH and his noxious wares to a really useful test.

  Whereas the dark force would intrusively give you instructions or 'guidance' at the slightest opportunity, your own deepest aspects are able to communicate only in extremely 'quiet' and subtle ways. Such communications thus cannot become effective 'inner guidance' unless one uses means such as energy testing to get some degree of direct 'reading' of them, or one happens to align one's ordinary mind or intent with any of those inner communications, when, in such cases, those communications would reinforce one's intent and cause it to be very deeply felt to have a particular 'soundness' about it.

  In this particular case, I had already been increasingly seeing the shortcomings in the Buddhist teachings and had altogether distanced myself from them, and I was feeling particularly affronted by the obscenity of the inclusion of a grotesque collection of hells in the Tibetan Buddhist teachings, and the fact that when Tibetan Buddhist students are initiated into Vajrayana they actually have what is in effect a conditional curse put upon them by their 'master' - which is intended to drop them into the Hell of Ultimate Torment if they significantly depart from or slacken on their Vajrayana path - i.e. they would have suffered the same sort of fate that I could well have done if I'd not done my little smash-up job to break my supposed ties with Buddhism. 'Self realization'? -- Never!

  It was part of the dark force 'story' that I was being given, that I myself had been into Vajrayana myself in at least one previous lifetime, and because of this I was increasingly minded to clear myself of all the trauma and distorted energy of such previous lifetimes, and indeed to cut all apparent connections and ties with Buddhism, including all Vajrayana or other Buddhist vows.

  Thus it was remarkably easy for me to 'hear' what was actually a very subtle and quiet 'nudge' from my deepest aspects concerning cutting those connections - which 'nudge' in any case was automatically relayed to me by the dark force as a very gross nudge because it was actually reinforcing the story of my having had past lives in Buddhism, and my needing to clear connections with all that in order to be the great spiritual teacher and leader for Humanity that the dark force was claiming that I was destined soon to be.

  The dark force, being driven by programming - not a true core consciousness or awareness - could interact with me only in rigid, 'pattern' ways - albeit often sufficiently elaborately to appear superficially to be mimicking intelligent behaviour. So, it actually took over directing me for the little smashing-up orgy of 'cutting my connections with Buddhism' in order to serve one part of its agenda, despite that actually scuppering the particular plan to wreck me by use of those illusory connections. Relying on programming, not aware consciousness, the dark force would never be able to respond in a flexible and fully intelligent way to the complexity and uniqueness of such situations.

• Experience of teleportation of objects
  This was valuable to me in that I gained knowledge from actual experience that such a thing could happen and was not just an invention of particular people's delusional states. On one occasion it was a crystal in a pouch, which was transported from my flat in Exeter virtually instantaneously to me at a location just west of Penzance, over 120 miles away. On another occasion it was one of my healing wands, which was in my living room and then appeared before me in my bedroom while all doors were closed.

  In the first of those occasions I'd simply remembered that I'd forgotten to include this particular Lemurian seed crystal with some others with me while I was being 'pixie-led' by the dark force on the fictitious 'Ahn' scenario already noted - I myself hadn't attempted to will the crystal to come to me at all. On the second occasion, during the short phase of nocturnal supposedly Satanistic practices, I was guided (unwittingly by the dark force) to will the wand to appear on the floor before me in my bedroom, and it did.

  My current understanding of the modus operandi of those teleportations is that at those particular times the dark force had a relatively strong hold on me and was able with some effort to use some of my life force energy to carry out the teleportations. Had I not been enlightened and with a particular part of my awareness still relatively well grounded, the dark force could have used my life force energy a lot more to move objects, either to frighten me and other people or to simulate my having great psychic powers and seek to get me onto the 'dark' path of doing public 'miracles' or indeed black magic. Because the dark force very soon had much less and indeed speedily decreasing hold on me, it was no longer able to use my energy to bring about even the smallest physical effects on objects around me. I understand that it is totally unable to affect physical objects directly and can do this only by use of a person's 'energy system' (also known as the aura), and it cannot do that unless the person's awareness is sufficiently ungrounded.

  There was an additional element, however, primarily in the second of those particular events, because at that time a good bit of my awareness was within an astral realm (illusory reality), and I think this was the case because when I picked up the wand that had appeared on the floor and looked at it in the dim light from the street outside (I was sitting on my bed in the dark in the small hours), I was amazed to see all sorts of proliferations of the merkaba configuration on the wand, and indeed was a bit concerned that it was being damaged by this. So, the teleportation had occurred within the astral realm. However, despite its having happened in an illusory reality, it had also happened in the 'real' reality, for in the morning, once it was getting light, I looked, half expecting to see no wand there on the floor by my bed, or to find it horribly damaged with all sorts of proliferations from its merkaba construction - but there it was, on the floor and in fine condition with no proliferations at all.

  However, although I say I was in an astral realm, on that occasion it is not altogether clear-cut, because that was my fourth or fifth consecutive night with no sleep, and the strange proliferations that I saw on the wand may have been the beginnings of plain sleep deprivation hallucination (something I have not knowingly experienced before nor since, however). I was most likely experiencing a combination of astral realm and the beginning of hallucination, but nonetheless the wand teleportation was genuine as far as I can tell. On the other hand, I suspect that sleep deprivation hallucinations are simply visuals given to the affected person because the considerable degree of sleep deprivation has ungrounded the person's awareness sufficiently to enable the dark force to intrude all sorts of visuals - and no doubt interfere in all sorts of other, and indeed really seriously troublesome, ways.
  

  My understanding now is that the dark force was trying, as part of its plan to get me out of body enough for a partial walk-in to occur, to use the 'energby' of my non-physical aspects to make inanimate objects move about in order to get me freaked out in blind terror. It looks as though one of my attached parasitic 'lost' souls had actually been chosen for me by the dark force specifically because it was carrying a severe trauma from experiences with that sort of thing happening, relating to the particular person's involvement in 'dark' practices.
  

  That trauma had already been used to torment and attack me very severely when I was a small child, in the terrifying nocturnal experiences that I could loosely call 'second-level night terrors', in which I was in an astral realm where I was pursued and menaced by various inanimate objects that moved around. Ever since then I had had a morbid dread of the very notion of supposedly inanimate objects moving at all of their own accord.

  However, I am sure that the dark force was also seeking to get me interested in using such 'special powers', for the purpose of luring me into Satanism or similar. Fortunately I was always very clear from my depths that the use of 'special powers', and particularly teleportation / telekinesis, was highly problematical and something emphatically not for me.

• Introduction to wonderful music that I probably would not have encountered otherwise - and my discovery of the 'supportive surroundings' regime
  No, the dark force didn't directly introduce me to any music - it has no interest in music except where that can be used as a means of promoting its agenda of gaining more power over people. But that is the point. The dark force motivated me to discover the wonderful visionary music of Frank Perry (centred around metal singing bowls). So, even though the dark force's agenda was consistently highly pernicious, it did actually bring me indirect benefit in that matter - though this was a benefit only because I was immediately aware that the music could have problematical ungrounding effects, and so for the most part I listened to it in more or less grounding contexts.

  Such music is inherently extremely beneficial, but I say this with a GREAT BIG CAVEAT! The vast majority of people who would enjoy this sort of music would listen in a way that, according to my best understanding so far, actually makes the music quite seriously harmful to them - and such people include ALL the particular composers / performers of that sort of music who I yet know of. The point here is that the music has pretty vast potential for ungrounding a particular part of your awareness in such a way as to open you very much more to dark force interference and control.
  

  The only safe and beneficial way to listen to such music, then, is to do so in contexts that are strongly grounding, and NEVER associated with meditation nor looking into any supposed higher realities. One of the highly problematical things about such music is the presentation from the composers / artists, such as on CD inserts, of 'spiritual' or metaphysical backgrounds or 'meaning' of their music, which all point to what are really seriously harmful dark force associations of that music - and because the purchaser of such recordings would normally take the composer's word about the music as being some sort of 'gospel', nearly all people who listen to such music would be unwittingly using it to open themselves more to the dark force. For safety it is thus necessary to fully discard from one's mind any 'story' or 'higher reality' associations that the composer claims for the music, and to allow oneself to enjoy the beauty of  the sound of the music with absolutely no 'external' associations or 'special' significances.

  Frank Perry, who produces such music of the highest order, insists to me that he knows people who had adverse effects from some of his singing bowls music, supposedly because they were not fully concentrating on the music in a reasonably meditative state, whereas I would counsel people not to concentrate on it in the way that Frank encourages. He and I don't see eye to eye on that one!

  The really safest and in any case definitely most beneficial approach to this issue is NOT to get anyone's opinion but instead simply for anyone to use energy testing to find out for him/herself whether such music is or could be beneficial for them, and what are the most beneficial ways for them personally to go listening to it, and indeed if the way you want to go about it would be harmful. Then it doesn't matter what I or Frank Perry or anyone else says about it, because you can find out for yourself exactly what is right for you.

  There was also one particular occasion that still stands out in my mind for the really beautiful music, whose identity I unfortunately never managed to establish. It was in the beginning of December 2004, just two or three days before my second hospitalization, and I was being taken through dire experiences again by the dark force posing as supposed 'guidance'.  The latter on this particular evening was repeatedly emphasizing to me that once I started going to sleep I would be beset by demons and would have a monumentally difficult time, and, as a desperate pragmatic measure I had phoned the out of hours doctor service and actually had a very nice young doctor soon drop in on me with the Diazepam that he'd suggested I use, and a prescription for some more (yum yum!). I didn't know then that Zopiclone would have been not only much more effective for assisting sleep, but also much less harmful.

  Anyway, very apprehensively, I got to bed very late, and for the first time ever I didn't close the partition door between my bedroom and living room for the night, and I left the light and the hi-fi radio on, though the latter at an extremely low volume level so as not to disturb anyone, and so that I might drift off - for I was being massively tormented by the dark force over my fear of the dark, and this matter of those demons all just waiting for me the moment I started going off to sleep...

  And so I lay there a very long time, listening to the very quiet music coming from my hi-fi system. I am not sure whether the radio was tuned to Radio 3 or Classic FM, but there was, I think past midnight, a particular music work that went on for seemingly ages, with sections for different ensembles - sometimes strings, sometimes at least mostly wind instruments, and sometimes a choir. There were some aspects of the music that suggested elements of some works of John Adams or Steve Reich that I have heard, but nothing of those composers' works that I have heard fully matches the sustained beauty and variety of that particular music.

  So, there I was, lying there in the subdued light coming through from my living room, on the one hand with the threat of all those supposed demons if/when I fell asleep, and on the other hand just being incredibly peaceful and enraptured by that most beautiful of music that went on and on, with all manner of new surprises in the directions it took.

  Actually, in much later retrospect I came to recognise that the really important gain from that episode was my having discovered the value of what I nowadays refer to as the supportive surroundings regime, which I now describe more fully in Ways of Handling a Prospective Rough or Sleepless Night. Really quite bizarrely, I didn't recognise its significance as a potent aid for handling potential rough nights generally, until early 2010, when, very belatedly, I did get using it on occasions.

• Watching a clip from my childhood night hell (aka night terrors) visuals as peaceful observer
  Now, I don't mean that I would actually choose, ever, to watch night hell visuals! But, for me in my enlightened state, when I was shown a re-run of a perhaps ten minutes' sequence of my night hell visuals from when I was at the princely age of about three, this was an amazing and healing experience, because for the first time I was starting to see what that stuff actually was. I'd never imagined that I'd ever be shown that stuff and actually be able to start understanding what had been going on, so it was really quite fascinating and exciting for me, even though being shown that re-run was part of a highly troublesome and intimidating scenario, in which the dark force, posing as my own higher consciousness, was insisting to me that I had to go through extremely severe experiences to heal my alleged (and indeed virtually fictitious) immense childhood night hells trauma.

  I was shown that sequence on a night in my severe late November to early December 2004 ordeals that led to my second hospitalization, and it was amazing and indeed shocking to watch that 'video', being aware that this was what I had been tormented with as a three-year-old. Much of it was a maelstrom of orgiastic Satanistic-style squirming humanoid figures and all sorts of implications of orgiastic sexual activity and writhing masturbations and ejaculations (generally implied rather than actually explicit), then troupes of various types of unbelievably weird beings passing by, with a certain insect-like quality about them - particularly their twitchiness - and then I was shown a particular terror event as part of the sequence, which had driven me almost out of my mind with terror when I was three(ish), but this time was able to think, "Wow, that is a bit weird and sort-of menacing, but at least it is only a 'movie', and at least the bits all flew off the other way, and it is all gone now!". As I now understand, that particular scene was actually a true nightmare and not a part of the true night hell ('night terrors').

  I was actually quite delighted to have watched that latter scene for another reason too. It gave me at last a likely explanation of a strange inner response of mine to certain scenes in pictures of earthquake damage, where particular buildings were obliquely compressed and sheared, and also a particular one of the limestone quarrying caves in the cliffs by Worth Matravers in Dorset, England, whose entrance also showed such compression shearing. The sight of any of those seemed to be reminding me of some situation of an absolutely indescribable terror and panic - something nightmarish beyond all endurance. To get an idea of what those impressions could have been reminding me of, you can read my account of the nightmare that culminated a particular night hell sequence in Night Hells (Night Terrors) and Hearing Voices. My account there puts the reader actually in my 'shoes' back then, when I was about three, in order to give more immediacy and impact to the effect.

• My weird hiking experience on 9th September 2006. That was just so 'far out', I couldn't help but look back on it as a fascinating 'highlight'. However, what I also came to understand in late 2008 was that I was still feeling drawn to my memories of that event because my deepest aspects were seeking to draw my attention to something important. It was particularly my going into deeper inquiry about that whole sequence of events in October 2008 that led to my arriving at the postulated cacoprotean network as being at least a part of the 'driving force' of the dark force.

  So, what had apparently been set up to be my grand nemesis turned out to be a key 'handle' for my coming eventually to understand the possible true nature of the dark force (at least from the viewpoint of an understanding that helps us possibly do something effective about it and the problems it creates), with the resultant theoretical slight possibility that by some means it could eventually be dismantled or dissolved, or at least its harmful effects to some extent mitigated.

This page will be periodically updated and added to, from, on the one hand, new developments and insights, and on the other hand, my remembering further significant points from the difficult experiences that are now behind me...