The Dark Force ('Astral Entities') - My Own Tough Experiences

Introduction

This account, in addition to its function of general awareness raising, is intended to give support to other people with a similar issue, so that they can more readily recognise the true nature of their issue and embark on a non-engagement and active clearance strategy, being encouraged by knowing of my having come out the other side not merely unscathed but actually stronger and in better shape than ever.

This is NOT a belief issue

Let me clarify here that until this issue came to my notice in 2003 I'd had no overt belief in there being any seemingly external 'forces of evil' or 'dark forces' (but I did use such terms sometimes just as imagery), and particularly I had no overt belief in the existence of any ultimate being of evil such as Satan. Indeed, I had a strong suspicion that the manifestation of 'dark entities' or other untoward non-physical or 'paranormal' phenomena was the product of particular people's belief in such things, and that people who didn't have such beliefs wouldn't experience such things.

As will eventually become apparent, I was actually right about that in fair measure, but I was at that time lacking crucial elements of the whole picture.

I did, however, have a lifelong morbid dread of 'the occult' and 'the paranormal' and kept well away from any related activities and indeed from people who engaged in them. Particularly since my crossing the enlightenment threshold, I've not regarded anything as intrinsically good or evil, for these are just labels that we stick on things according to how our own beliefs judge them. It was after that transition that I eventually allowed myself to start getting involved in spiritual healing and 'lightwork' for the purpose of assisting my own and ultimately all people's 'spiritual opening up'* - but I still kept well clear of anything else psychic or 'occult', for which I still had that underlying dread**. 

* What I didn't understand then was that what people regard as 'spiritual opening up' is not at all the same as self realization (which is what we really need) and is actually a matter of becoming more ungrounded and open to the astral sub-reality so that one is more open and vulnerable to the dark force.

** That fear of 'the occult' was undoubtedly emotional manipulation from the dark force, for its aim was to keep me in so much fear of the very notion of 'dark forces' that I'd stay in denial of them. That is actually what the dark force is doing to a LOT of people. People do not even start addressing their dark force and entities issues and genuinely resolving them if they are in denial of their existence, so the dark force has a strong vested interest in keeping its 'victims' in denial of its existence or at least its true nature.

Although the dark force, which manifested for me as the 'astral entities' that I write about below, has an agenda and behaviour that most people would equate with the utmost evil, I do not judge it or its manifestations in terms of good / evil, for they are simply as they are* so no useful purpose is served by condemnation (which is actually just more dark force sourced outlook and behaviour). However, whether or not I or anyone choose to judge the dark force and its manifestations, it has caused me major problems, disrupting my life and subjecting me to nightmarish or even hellish experiences, and this is what I relate below.

* Do you condemn a computer virus as 'evil'? If so, what positive purpose is served by your doing so? Sure, it's troublesome because it is programmed to do troublesome things, but it still is as it is, and no concept of 'good' or 'evil' is appropriate; you just need to see the virus clearly for what it is and then take measures to protect or clear your computer system from it if you are to have a healthy, smoothly running computer. Exactly the same principle applies to the dark force, no matter how negative, destructive or depraved its interferences with people may appear to be.

I explain about the true nature of the dark force in 'Astral Entities' - Interference and Attacks from 'The Dark Side', and one thing that it isn't is true entities, even though it widely presents itself as 'entities' (actually completely illusory) in people's minds.

My understanding, based on observations and augmented and reinforced by my use of energy testing, is that the dark force interferes with EVERYONE, albeit usually more or less covertly, so we are not talking about anything peculiar to myself except for my having been targeted for some very rough treatment, and my having been able to apply an exceptional clarity of mind to what I was going through, so that I progressively came to establish what was really going on. It is the extent of my self-honesty that is really exceptional and all too widely seen as 'peculiar' (i.e. in a pejorative sense). Going into denial serves nobody well, no matter whether one denies the dark force's harmful agenda or the very existence of the dark force as something separate from or external to oneself.

"Aren't your troublesome entities just creations of your own mind?"

I give my answer to that frequent comment / question in my FAQ Corner page.

This is NOT a protection issue

Let me say straight away in response to various well intentioned but unhelpful responses that I've had from people, that the issue that I am relating is not one that could have been avoided or could be stopped now by 'protecting' myself in one of the ways that psychic people consider necessary for their safety when giving healing, channelling or otherwise opening up their psychic or higher perceptions. My understanding is that this type of issue, whether for myself or anyone else, is always one for which normal psychic protection methods are ineffective. Indeed, as explained in Healing and Self Realization - The Safest and Quickest Way, my understanding now is that those normal psychic protection methods, generally used by healers, psychics and 'lightworkers', are ALL more or less ineffective, even for other issues than dark force interferences. It is the dark force that has deceived all those people into taking on those useless methods, in order to ensure that they remain unawarely open and vulnerable to the dark force, and to divert them from taking up a truly protective methodology - which is none other than comprehensive genuine self realization, which progressively renders people immune to their interferences.

So, right now I want to lovingly encourage any further people who want to contact me and urge me to protect myself, to hold back and not trouble to do so. I know such people mean well, but their exhortations only show that they have not understood the particular issue (with regard to me or indeed anyone at all).

However, although the standard notion of 'protection' is unhelpful, it is meaningful to make oneself progressively better grounded and stronger in 'energy' terms, so progressively disempowering the dark force and making oneself eventually invulnerable to its interferences, and I have plenty to say on that in Dark Force and Entity Troubles - The Real Way to Deal With Them.

"Shouldn't you be engaging in constructive dialogue with these entities?"

It has been put to me by various people that I should be engaging the 'entities' in constructive dialogue in order to resolve my issue with them. Such people have not read and understood the information on this page and clearly have little or no understanding of the actual situation and the nature of these 'entities', which are simply illusory manifestations of the dark force. Indeed, the notion of constructive dialogue with such completely illusory (and 100% agenda driven) manifestations is quite meaningless. I explain the true nature of the dark force and its various manifestations, including 'astral entities', in 'Astral Entities' - Interference and Attacks from 'The Dark Side'.

I make it pretty clear in the account below, that, owing to my confusion over the identity of the source of the many communications, I had plenty of dialogue with the 'entities' in 2003 and 2004 (and indeed at times in 2005), after which I settled on a supposedly constructive confrontational strategy - because through my previously being in dialogue with the 'entities' I'd actually been empowering them and through those illusions the dark force had consistently been seeking destructive control over me and indeed it got near to wrecking me. As I eventually came to understand, getting into confrontation with the 'entities', although it seemed sort-of comforting at the time, was simply reinforcing their existence as dark force sourced illusions, and any sort of interaction with them or indeed acknowledgement of them as 'real' (i.e. non-illusory) would just compound any problems.

It has been put to me that I should engage in dialogue with the 'troublesome entities' to find out why they are with me, so that the issue can be resolved. Barmy! As such (actually illusory) entities are just manifestations of the dark force, which itself can very constructively be regarded as rogue programming in thought energy (or thought forms), to engage in dialogue with 'them' would be tantamount to asking a computer virus why it's with you*. Try it sometime!

- Actually it would be considerably more foolish and harmful, because to engage in any such 'dialogue' with dark force manifestations reinforces them and gives them a lot more power over you - something that wouldn't really be an issue with a computer virus.

What are astral or 'dark' entities?

I've already indicated in a nutshell what they are. For a fuller discussion of the likely true nature and origin of supposed astral or 'dark' entities please see 'Astral Entities' - Interference and Attacks from 'The Dark Side'.

How did the entities get to me in the first place?

They didn't, and indeed couldn't. As already explained, such 'entities' are really illusions created in one's mind by the dark force, which is always connected to every one of us (like an always-on broadband Internet connection that you have no means of disconnecting), because its interferences come through the astral sub-reality, which is an intrinsic aspect of reality and of consciousness itself.

The real question to ask here is, "Why was I targeted by the dark force for attempts to disrupt my life and wreck me?". That I go into later on.

When did I first notice dark force interference of any sort?

Actually, as soon as I became aware as an extremely young child, for I had the most diabolical night hells - indeed, two 'levels' of them, so that when I sought to escape from one 'level' I was caught in the other 'level'. I explain about all that in Night Hells (Night Terrors) and Hearing Voices. However, it wasn't till late 2005 that I came to realize that those hellish nocturnal experiences then were what was generally known as night terrors. At that time I had no idea at all of what was going on for me nor why (let alone that any of that was anything to do with the dark force), and indeed had no indications that anyone else at all had been through the same sort of thing, and so I was left with an extremely isolating general impression that there seemed to be something wrong or 'blighted' or 'doomed' about my very existence.

Until after I'd started channelling, any attacks from the dark force were only covert (presumably being a major factor in the undue intensity of painful emotions that I experienced in response to particular everyday situations) - though on four occasions the attacks were at 'severe' level, when I had quite traumatic emotional responses to particular situations, though still not realizing that I was being attacked, and was thus left wondering whether there was something fundamentally wrong with me - which notion fed further into the torment of the attacks as the dark force used that as additional ammunition against me.

• I well remember one night when I was probably about 9, when my brother woke up crying from a night terror experience that he was having, and this triggered in me a hellish storm of inner fear and dark images, which was not a recurrence of my old night hells (night terrors) but was very likely my first really strong attack from the dark force since the night hells.

• During the same period (when I was at junior school) on one early morning I awoke from a 'dream' scene feeling pretty devastated. In that scene I was about to wander into my previous school (Harrow Weald Infants School), but my way was barred by high railings, part of which were formed into a gate, which was closed. The railings were within a cascade of extremely dismal-seeming water, and across the railings within the falling water was a sign in individually attached letters, saying "Drug Club" - except that the letter 'J' in it (make of that what you will!) was coming loose and was moving about irregularly in the flow of water, pivoting on one remaining point of attachment. This was in a drear and chilling grey light that had a slight tinge of a dull bluish-greenish about it, and the feeling that I had was a combination of a sort of stultifyingly intense loathing-horror combined with a pretty devastating sort of washed out cold and dreary feeling, which latter stayed with me for a long time afterwards and always returned to me a bit every time I remembered that experience*.
  

  * I also got that horrible feeling to a certain extent later on, immediately following climax when I masturbated - virtually every time. That effect gradually became less pronounced over the years, though didn't altogether cease to be noticeable until I was well into middle age.

  When I mentioned that 'dream' to my mother some years later, she said she thought I must have picked up the bit about 'Drug Club' from news reports at about that time, of drug clubs among schoolchildren in the USA - though I hadn't consciously noticed those particular news reports. When I was at school there was definitely no local issue of drug clubs or even of drug misuse, at least, that I was aware of, so drug misuse had altogether rarely been an issue that had come to my notice then.

  My inner inquiry now, using energy testing, indicates that what I'd experienced then was not really a true dream at all but a brief recurrence of second-level night hell, but, unlike almost any other second-level night hell that I can remember, this incorporated elements of base level revulsion hell, and consequently instead of my being attacked with feelings of fear and terror I was being attacked with magnified and highly distorted birth trauma feelings. It was the latter that was also being used in less strong attacks on me in later years, following climax of virtually every masturbation of mine.

• In about 1975 I watched a television play by David Rudkin called Pender's Fen (when I visited friends, as I had - and still have - no TV myself). I felt as though an inner hell had been opened up by my watching that, and it took me a few days to recover.

• I had a similarly traumatic emotional response to an early poem - The In-Between People - that I wrote in 1973, which opened up an inner hellish vision that seemed so powerful that it seemed that it was going to take over my everyday 'reality' and destroy me.

Those attacks, however, although nothing like as powerful as what I received after I'd started channelling, were more upsetting because I wasn't enlightened then and got into the emotional state* of fear, anxiety etc.., whereas since enlightenment I've been pretty detached from old trauma feelings. Indeed, during even the severest attacks, although I had massively strong and nightmarish feelings, only to a small extent did I enter the emotional state of those feelings - even full throttle terror - and thus was able to handle the situation in ways that are not yet open to most people.

* It's not common knowledge that our experience of emotions generally has two components - the energy of the emotion and its emotional state. The latter is really the result of one's being attached to the feelings, identifying with them and thus being driven by them - as we all are at least to a great extent until we become enlightened. If you experience the feelings - however unpleasant - as peaceful observer instead of entering their emotional state, you are undergoing a powerful healing process that is dissipating a certain amount of that painful emotion from your system. For example, I know well from my own experience that it is possible for an enlightened person to experience strong feelings of anxiety or panic without actually being anxious or in panic.

What actually happened

If I were to write down all the details of what the dark force took me through during those ordeals it would surely fill a sizeable book, and indeed would make some pretty amazing reading. However, by now many details have dropped from my memory, and in any case a lot of 'story' would just get in the way of our arriving at true understanding. So, I want to make it clear that what I recount below is just a précis with some 'highlights' (if that is quite the right word for such experiences!) of what I went through. 

The bait is set...

During late September and early October 2003 I started dowsing, using a pendulum, in a more purposeful and effective way than hitherto. Previously to that, pendulum dowsing had never seemed to work very strongly or reliably for me, but the breakthrough came when I started using the pendulum technique used by an apparently highly reputed dowser - David Lockwood of Launceston, Cornwall - who I'd encountered that summer at a 'Mind, Body and Soul' fair at Bude. He'd been scheduled to give an afternoon talk there on 'Entities'. Actually at that point I didn't have a very strong interest in entities, except that by that time I'd been in healing situations with a few people where supposed 'spirit attachments' were involved, and so suspected that I was being progressively 'guided' towards eventually using my healing abilities to resolve various entity issues. In fact, if I hadn't already made very friendly contact with David at that fair before lunch I most likely wouldn't have bothered at all about a talk entitled 'Entities'.

In the event I was the only person who turned up for that talk, so David abandoned that, and we got talking and he offered to demonstrate some dowsing, and indeed to dowse on environmental stresses affecting my flat in Exeter and take simple healing measures to clear them.

David was a really nice, good natured and generous man - and indeed on a subsequent occasion he spontaneously and voluntarily attempted to assist me with my by then very well established 'entity' (i.e. really dark force) troubles - though unsuccessfully, as noted much further below. Anyway, on this occasion he dowsed with his pendulum and quickly came up with the news that I had a major environmental stress in my flat, which was bound to be affecting my health - and it was an underground watercourse right below my flat (I'm second, indeed top, floor, so the people below presumably had still more of a problem from that).

To my amazement, David then invoked 'Archangel Raphael' to move that watercourse to away from under that building, so that, he said, nobody would be greatly adversely affected by it. I was amazed that such a feat could be done by simply invoking an archangel and letting one's pendulum keep swinging to indicate eventually when the task was done. I was also quite a bit puzzled, because I'd have thought that if the watercourse really were moved, unless its course were drawn into various very unlikely loops and convolutions, it would then simply cause problems for other people.

I was really struck by David's complete confidence in what he was doing, and took this to be a sign that he was a true 'professional' who I could learn from really usefully. However, there was one little point that even then raised in my mind a very significant question about the nature of his abilities. At the end of his dowsing demonstration he said he was now going to go through a brief 'closing down' procedure - i.e. to close his chakras down.

Even then I understood that this was a widespread myth in at least Western healing traditions - that you need to 'close down' at the end of a healing or dowsing or channelling session - and I at once told David what I understood about that - that you are more 'protected' with energized chakras (widely but completely wrongly described as 'open') than de-energized ones (widely described as 'closed' - again quite wrongly).

So, David dowsed on the question as to whether he needed to 'close down' at the end of his sessions, and he got a 'yes' to that, and then he dowsed similarly on whether I myself needed to do that, and he got a 'no'. So, it looked like another bit of that 'each to his own' dictum of so many contemporary healing and mystical traditions - a sure-fire way of ensuring that nobody really looks carefully and critically at what's really going on and starts recognising and eliminating problematical influences. Even though I had no idea then that he was innocently being led and manipulated by the dark force, I felt a deep 'knowing' that there had to be something wrong about his attachment to that absurd and pretty obviously harmful practice of 'closing down', and the way his dowsing neatly let him off the hook in the face of my concerned but friendly challenge. I assumed at the time that it was just his belief in 'closing down' that had influenced his dowsing to get him a 'convenient' but wrong answer that conformed with his belief.

As for David's finding of the 'underground watercourse' geopathic stress in my flat, I'm pretty sure now that he was being totally deceived, and there was no significant such stress there for me (whether or not there was any underground watercourse there) - though as I determined much more recently, there were very many other environmental stress factors within my flat, which had greatly exacerbated my vulnerability to the dark force. Significantly, he hadn't picked up on any of those at all - though of course at that time I didn't have means to know about that.

Interestingly, during a very severe 'astral entity' (i.e.dark force) attack crisis that I experienced in April 2004, during a crisis consultation over the telephone the healer Christopher Strong in Evesham also determined that I had a major geopathic stress in my flat from an underground watercourse - thus very much convincing me at the time that this was something 'for real' - though this also very much held up to question the effectiveness of David Lockwood's invocation of Archangel Raphael to supposedly move that watercourse out of the way, and also put up a big question mark over why he was apparently totally confident that he had achieved such an actually totally unverifiable thing.

Like David, Christopher did not pick up on even a single one of the very real and highly harmful environmental stress sources that I much more recently learned that I'd had in my flat all along, which had in fact been considerably harming me and greatly exacerbating my troubles.

My understanding now is that this was a case of the dark force sending the same misinformation to me from different channels in order to 'throw me off the track' and ensure that I didn't - at least for some good while - find out what was really causing all my troubles. In fact I could have saved myself an immense amount of trouble simply by systematically identifying and removing or neutralizing the various environmental stress sources in my flat. But then I didn't yet have energy testing, nor indeed the Clarity-Sphere, which together would have enabled me to achieve that end (and much more!) and thus to dramatically get resolving the whole situation.

If I'd had the insights that I have now when I was encountering David or Christopher for the first time, I'd have recognised at once masses of signs of their both being very seriously - albeit unawarely - under the control of the dark force. For your amusement and edification you may like to peruse my long but by no means comprehensive list of signs of a person having dark force interference / influences, in 'Astral Entities' - Interference and Attacks from 'The Dark Side'.

I still feel genuinely sorry about those two individuals being so (unwittingly) led by the dark force, for they were both lovely guys with whom I'd have gladly maintained an ongoing friendship, and I felt a 'brotherly' link with both (even though I never physically met Christopher) - but it's been crucial that I remain fully true to myself and what I see going on, and not get diverted as a result of a misplaced sense of 'kindness' or 'loyalty' towards people who I like and who might be upset or hurt by my publicly stating important things that have become so apparent to me through my own observations.

I want to emphasize here that it is only my particular circumstances that have singled out David and Christopher. The truth appears to be that virtually ALL healers, psychics, mediums, channels, mystics, people in religions and spiritual paths - whether gurus, 'Masters', or followers of same - are in their various ways similarly in deep trouble through being (normally unawarely) led and to varying extents controlled by the dark force (yes, I do mean the dark force!) as I explain in 'Astral Entities' - Interference and Attacks from 'The Dark Side'.

I'm not going to describe what was 'different' about David's pendulum technique to make it so much more effective than how I'd been attempting dowsing previously, because I don't want to encourage anyone to try it and land themselves with massively more problems than they'd ever bargained for. Anyway, the point is that presently I started experimentally using his pendulum technique in dowsing, and was greatly pleased and excited to find that with this level of technique, dowsing came up with answers every time, and even answers that gave me more information than simply 'yes' or 'no', such as the strength of the 'yes' or 'no', so prompting further questions that enabled me to obtain quite detailed information about things.

Using this technique, and, where appropriate (so I thought at the time), invoking archangels and 'ascended masters', I sought to bring about positive changes and healing and entity clearance for the odd people.

I used this method with a friend of mine during a telephone conversation with him, and within a very few minutes 'established' that he had a small cancerous growth in a specific position near the top of the ascending limb of his colon - something he'd been completely unaware of, though his lifestyle and addictions ensured that he was a cancer disaster just waiting to happen, and he already had a medically diagnosed low-level prostate cancer. Amazingly, a bit later on he had a colonoscopy at his local hospital, and, lo and behold, they actually found (and removed) a polyp in exactly the position that my dowsing had indicated. The polyp was supposedly benign, not cancerous - though polyps in the colon are known to be pretty well all potentially cancerous and thus important to remove.

Prior to that colonoscopy I had sent the friend a lot of healing (remotely) to supposedly clear the alleged cancer, so I don't know whether the polyp had actually been slightly cancerous when I'd located it, and had recovered to a benign state when the specialist found it (and indeed was altogether receding, as my dowsing indicated), nor whether or to what extent I was being tricked about its actual status. Anyway, my friend reported to me that the specialist at the hospital had been amazed and deeply puzzled, that a friend of his (i.e. I myself) had, through use of a pendulum during a telephone conversation, been able to precisely locate that polyp. That was not something that could be dismissed in the way that medics generally dismiss anything that is outside their materialist-reductionist belief system, and it carried an especial weight of authenticity, for my friend had told the specialist about my locating his colon growth before the colonoscopy was carried out, so it looked disconcertingly as though I had indeed by some means beyond medical understanding managed to locate and identify my friend's particular internal problem - and during a telephone conversation! "Weird!"

Anyway, the apparent success of what I was doing was leading me to get bolder with the alleged healings (using pendulum and invoking archangels / 'ascended masters'), and I went on to carry out a small number of attempts (mostly remotely) to remove entities from people. This, unfortunately led to my too slavishly following the answers given in my dowsing, and the odd individuals were getting uneasy about me, and indeed one person who I'd sought to 'help' remotely in this way was greatly upset at my giving her a remote diagnosis of a small breast cancer that needed attention, and she quite understandably angrily demanded that I never contact her again (though a more rational and helpful response would have been to take the cue and have a medical check-up just in case).

That left me with a troubled and uneasy feeling as though I was some sort of emerging 'great' healer but also seemed to have something seriously flawed or 'broken' about me that was already starting to wreck any reputation I might build up, and would leave me doomed to some unthinkable fate resulting from severe karmic repercussions of myself as a 'great' healer being a failure and getting various things 'wrong'. What I didn't know then was that the dark force was actually manipulating me and my feelings to give me exactly that impression, and it was a foretaste of what was coming up just round the corner...

"RAPE HIM!" - My disobedience to a 'Master'

The dark force first made itself known to me in a more direct way through deception and trickery when I started channelling* (still using a pendulum at that stage) in October 2003 - though until early April 2004 I assumed that all the communications were from the purported higher beings and not 'lower' beings** because my intent to communicate only with specific higher beings and never 'astral beings' was always so strong. The communications purported to be, initially, from an 'ascended master' in the '5th dimension' calling himself Ahn, who also said he was really Maitreya operating under a new name. I could not understand his harshness and his reckless tricks upon me, but shrugged my shoulders and assumed that for some reason these were necessary for my particular 'learning path'.

* Just to clarify for anyone unfamiliar with this term - channelling is the receiving of communications and information from non-physical sources.

** One of the many understandings that I gained in 2007, as I really started to clear out the dark force interference and deceptions, was that the very concept of higher and lower beings is one of the deceits that comes from the dark force. It appears that ALL non-physical beings apart from actual human souls are dark force sourced illusory manifestations within the astral sub-reality, no matter whether they appear to be 'dark' or 'Divine' - 'Jesus', 'God' and 'the Holy Spirit' included.

The first major trick, supposedly coming from 'Ahn', was to involve me in an elaborate scenario in which the whole of Humanity had supposedly been put en masse onto a two-week accelerated transition to full consciousness*, at the end of which Maitreya** was allegedly going to stop people everywhere in the world in their wayward tracks by making a simultaneous telepathic announcement to every single person on Earth that he was now world leader and they would all from then on be living as fully enlightened beings.

* 'Full consciousness' is a purported state of 'completion on Earth' that some people believe will come about for people generally when they've cleared all their emotional issues. When this state is achieved, allegedly one's 'higher consciousness', which in normal people is allegedly separated off in a higher (non-physical) dimension, 'descends' into the physical dimension and integrates with the person's ordinary mind, making the person very powerful in all manner of very positive and beneficial ways.

However, my understanding now is that the 'full consciousness' scenario is just one of the fictions that the dark force channels to people in order to get them hooked on illusory realities. It is thus in the same league as all the beliefs and channelled stories about imminent 'ascension' of humans into the 5th dimension, which are also fiction from the 'dark side' aimed at diverting us away from reaching true full self realization, the attainment of which actually requires the relinquishing of all beliefs.

** N.B. I'd never before given any credence to the various Maitreya prophecies.

Allegedly I had a very important role in preparing for this, and it involved, among various other things, my having to fully reopen my connection with a certain charismatic man (D) who I'd been introduced to once by a friend and was then living near Land's End in Cornwall. 'Ahn' told me that I was to achieve this by staying with D for the particular weekend, indeed sleeping with him - and I was given simulations of D telepathically inviting me to do so, complete with bouts of strong erotic feelings that supposedly were communications from D but which I later realized had been just the work of the 'entities' (i.e. the dark force).

At the time, this actually seemed a very attractive prospect, for when I was originally introduced to D I felt an apparent very strong and deep connection with him and indeed greatly relished the idea of 'sleeping' with him - subject to the desire to 'sleep' together being truly mutual. And apparently now I had him telepathically inviting me to do just that - Wow!

Following my instructions from 'Ahn', I hitch-hiked to D's place, only to find, as I'd half suspected, that he wasn't expecting me at all and it was considerably inconvenient for me to be there. 'Ahn' then directed me to act in various intrusive and disruptive ways, including telling the fellow that the two of us were under instructions to sleep together that night, which D was clear that he wouldn't have - emphatically explaining to me that he had a new and wonderful female partner and he wasn't going to jeopardize that for me or any of my great ideas about the future of Humanity (i.e. the story that 'Ahn' had been giving me).

I take my hat off to D for his patience with me in the face of my seriously bizarre and intrusive behaviour then - and I don't blame him for not wanting anything further to do with me after that! 

Actually I think he'd already made up his mind not to have anything to do with me as from our initial introduction, because his charismatic quality was very much an 'energy' configuration (some would call it an ego trip) that set him up as a supposed authority on 'spiritual' matters and expected other people in various ways to defer to his supposedly superior knowledge (based on shamanic practices including the taking of various harmful drugs, and he was a regular smoker, which would have greatly attenuated his deepest levels of awareness and closed him to genuine self realization), and he saw me as an unwanted challenge to his personal status as the local spiritual guru. In that first encounter he had seemed to be particularly ill at ease about my not smoking nor partaking in any other drugs, for his circle of friends and followers, as far as I could tell, all smoked tobacco, and most if not all used cannabis too, and, I think, in some cases other drugs as well.

Fortunately I didn't press as hard about spending the night with him as 'Ahn' was instructing me to (with threats of severe karmic consequences for me as a result of "disobeying a Master" if I didn't do exactly as I was told). The pressure on me escalated to full-blown shouted orders to "RAPE HIM! RAPE HIM!", accompanied by bouts of very strong erotic feelings which, fortunately even then I knew must have been a simulation and not my own feelings towards the fellow, so that it was actually pretty easy for me not to be influenced by them, however alarmingly overwhelming they felt.

I finally broke into full disobedience to 'Ahn' and hitch-hiked back to my flat, with 'Ahn' repeatedly shouting at me in his strident, abrasive voice during that journey to "GO BACK!" and reminding me about the dire karmic consequences of "disobeying a Master", and still assaulting me with very disconcerting bouts of quite alarmingly strong erotic feelings.

For me at that stage in my experiences with the dark force it was a frightening return journey, because I had visions of severe karma hitting me pretty well at once, perhaps in a fatal crash on that very journey, and I didn't want the driver to come to harm because of anything that was due to happen to me. I felt very confused then because I had no means of knowing for sure whether I'd truly been failing in some vital mission for the benefit of the human race (as alleged) or whether I was really being tested to see how far I could be led astray before I'd rebel - or indeed whether 'Ahn' was really 'of the Light'* at all.

* One of the many relevant things I didn't know then was that 'the Light', or indeed the very notion of 'light' and 'dark' outside the physical reality, is an invention of the dark force for the purpose of diverting us away from the clarity and non-duality of our own deepest essence in order to keep us away from achieving enlightenment and genuine self realization.

As to the latter point, although I was still on balance assuming that 'Ahn' was an 'ascended master' and therefore (I assumed at that time) a higher being and thus supposedly totally beneficial, I was certainly left with some disturbing doubts from that episode as to whether he really was 'of the Light'*, for, in addition to the "RAPE HIM!" order, he had instructed me to do various other things during and immediately after that episode that had seemed more in keeping with what very little I understood of Satanism than with any true spiritual path, even though still with the justification of it all being essential for this two-week transition plan for Humanity. Anyway, even if he was a true 'ascended master', I abhorred his harsh and abrasive style, and surely other higher beings would be more gentle and straightforward with me. Oh well - mystified, I shrugged my shoulders and resolved to have nothing further to do with 'Ahn', regardless of any karmic consequences, and so the following day I used the pendulum to try getting answers from my guides instead, not knowing at all that 'guides' themselves are also illusory manifestations of the dark force...

The dark force is able to 'read' in detail all the emotional issues, beliefs and other negative 'baggage' that you are carrying, including that of any entities attached to you, and can exploit any of that in attempts to gain power over you. Hence its pervasive ability to attack people and control them.

One of the things that 'Ahn' had been doing was exploiting the 'baggage' that I was still carrying from previous lifetimes in high-level Buddhism, for at least in the Vajrayana tradition it was quite the done thing for students to be bound by a vow of obedience to their 'Master' (i.e. teacher), with the threat of severe karmic consequences (being condemned to one of the Buddhist hells) if such a vow were broken and amends not made at once.

In fact, as I now understand, as explained elsewhere, I am a no-soul incarnation and so was actually not carrying any past life memories or traumas at all of my own. What I was carrying therefore was not my own and in fact belonged to particular parasitic lost souls attached to me. I explain about this phenomenon in 'Astral Entities' - Interference and Attacks from 'The Dark Side'.

* As I nowadays understand it, 'the Light' (in any non-physical or metaphysical sense) is actually itself of the 'dark side', so it actually made not a scrap of difference whether 'Ahn' or any other supposed non-physical being was or wasn't supposedly 'of the Light'!

Torments from supposed higher beings

So, after my having turned my back on that weird 'Ahn' performance, the communications came purportedly from my highest guide and my higher consciousness and then additionally from the well known high-level guide Orin and a variety of other more or less well known high guides and 'masters' such as Seth, Za Kai Ran, Mutu, St Germain, Mehindra and Merlin. The dark force even at times made out to be Archangel Michael. In my case, when things got really troublesome for me, calling 'Archangel Michael'* to help and fix the situation never worked.

* As already noted further above, my understanding nowadays is that 'Archangel Michael' and all named higher beings - ascended masters, guides, gods, goddesses, angels and archangels and so on - are all inventions of the dark force, created as illusions in people's minds to lead them into belief in illusory 'realities' and away from the simplicity and clarity of enlightenment and genuine self realization. You can read more about this issue in 'Astral Entities' - Interference and Attacks from 'The Dark Side'.

So, you will understand, then, that when you call 'Archangel Michael' to fix some trouble from 'astral beings', you are simply asking the dark force to assist you in clearing its interferences from you - not a recipe for true success on that score!

If 'Archangel Michael' does appear to have fixed a problem with 'entity' or dark force interference / attacks, you can be sure that it was nothing better than a ploy to get the person in some way more into the control of the dark force - even if only by getting the person to really believe in a 'higher reality' and 'higher' beings therein, so creating for themselves (or reinforcing) an illusory reality that would help ensure their ensnarement by the dark force upon their death. A pretty well identical thing happens when somebody gets a seemingly miraculous cessation of dark force or 'demonic' interferences upon 'opening to Jesus' or otherwise taking on some particular religion. NO such people are ever truly 'saved', except for being 'saved' from self realization and from gaining the ultimate freedom and happiness!

My trials and tribulations went a lot further than just having the dark force giving me troublesomely unreliable information and guidance from purportedly higher sources and sometimes giving me whole fictional scenarios that in themselves, as already noted, got me into some bizarre and disruptive situations. After a few months of my attempted channelling, during which time I'd learnt to run an 'internal messaging system'* in my mindspace without any further recourse to a pendulum, the dark force, posing as ascended masters and other higher presences such as 'Divine Consciousness', started putting upon me horrendous psychic attacks, using the great load of trauma emotions / energies of the parasitic lost souls** attached to me, and bringing these to the surface at a very severe intensity that disrupted my daily life and sometimes deprived me of sleep for several nights in succession, twice causing me to be incarcerated in a psychiatric hospital in 2004, with two further such hospitalizations in 2006.

* This was actually a significant and serious step in my undoing, for what I had done in cultivating that change was to ensure that I could receive communications whether I wanted them or not, so making it extremely difficult or impossible to ignore what actually (although I didn't realize it then) needed to be totally ignored.

However, one saving grace was that I pretty quickly learnt to keep switched out of the 'voice channel' as far as possible, and only to use visual communications from what I was still taking to being 'higher beings'. The dark force was actually still able to intrude 'thought voices' upon me - i.e. inserted messages in my mindspace that appeared more like thoughts than actual voices - but, except in the odd rare experiences during severe ordeals, I never received actual voices, and actively sought to keep it that way because it soon enough became apparent that to actually hear voices would greatly increase my problems.

It thus came as something of a shock to my system that, when, in late 2004, I eventually got hospitalized, the psychiatric doctors regarded me as 'hearing voices' and thus as being mentally disordered. The truth was that I had very healthily and with considerable clarity been preventing myself from getting into 'hearing voices'. However, I came to realize then that the visual 'yes'/'no' answers and 'thought voice' messages I received were really all part of the 'hearing voices' phenomenon - and, rather than getting oppressed by that realization and mistakenly perceiving myself as mentally ill, I saw the situation as a golden opportunity to start promoting understanding of what 'hearing voices' really is, and how the psychiatric services are failing just about everyone.

** At the time I knew nothing about this source of emotional trauma from which actually the dark force was drawing in order to attack me. I just accepted the dark force's deceitful 'Party line', that I had a huge load of very major emotional traumas, accumulated over a monumentally huge number of incarnations of my own. I now know this to be rubbish, and I had almost nothing of my own. Yes, I was carrying those traumas, but only because they belonged to parasitic lost souls that the dark force had attached to me in my first year or two of life.

The dark force posed as 'ascended masters' carrying out allegedly important and sometimes nightmarish and traumatic tests on me*, supposedly to gauge the depth of my 'spiritual realization', and it subjected me to a reliving of the horrendous trauma feelings of what it claimed later on was an  ancient disconnection trauma** - something that allegedly few people had experienced in the history of Humanity - at a disruptive and indeed hellish intensity. Late in 2004 and onwards the emphasis was on bringing up at similarly hellish intensity fear-based trauma emotions, which were claimed to be from my purported night terrors trauma***.

* The notion of tests upon me and special training was all part of an agenda to try to convince me that I had uniquely prominent roles for 'Humanity' in the not far off future, and had to be given all this rough treatment on that account. It was all a part of trying to get me working with the dark force as a powerful one of its puppet teachers, as, for example, the very prominent Indian 'spiritual teacher' (actually black magic practitioner) Sai Baba already is, or, failing that, to confuse and wreck me, getting me discredited and isolated so that I couldn't function as a promoter of genuine self realization and clearance of dark force influences.

** The story was that the supposed disconnection trauma had happened to me in a lifetime some 150,000 years ago in a now lost Pleiadean civilization, when I'd allegedly been the basis of Lemminkainen in the legend which got channelled to us in the Kalevala, the Finnish national epic. Allegedly the trauma came about when, in an emotionally desperate and exhausted state I'd lain down with the intention of dying and my 'higher consciousness' had cut all my relationship chakra cords - an act that killed me. My inspired guess is that this fiction was based on adaptations / distortions of certain experiences of one or more of the parasitic lost souls attached to me. As I now understand, as a no-soul incarnation I was actually carrying no traumas nor memories from previous lifetimes of my own, as there weren't any previous sequential, karmic lifetimes of my own!

However, what fiction that story was! I have now established that the true nature of that trauma was a BIRTH trauma! It presumably included my own, but almost certainly would have been reinforced in its intensity and devastating feel by the adding in of the birth trauma experiences of any or all of the parasitic lost souls attached to me. Indeed, I understand that additionally the experience was distorted to greatly magnify its sense of disconnection, coldness and overall personal devastation.

My own deepest aspects actually gave me in 2008 a brief (completely non-traumatic) re-run of my own genuine birth trauma experience for the sake of comparison, and, while undoubtedly as a baby I'd have been pretty distraught, that experience had nothing like the hellish awfulness of the much later attacks that were using birth trauma as their starting material.

I have now come to understand that the birth trauma attacks were being given to me for a particularly sinister reason, which became half apparent during my October 2004 ordeals.

*** The massive night terrors trauma was a big myth that the dark force sought to get me to believe, presumably to account for the huge amount of trauma material that I'd undoubtedly been carrying, and which was being used in attacks from the dark force, no doubt primarily to deflect me from finding out and removing the true source of all that material - that is, the 30 traumatized parasitic lost souls attached to me.

I'm sure that that lie was given to me also to get me monumentally emotionally screwed up at the supposed magnitude and severity of my self healing task - to the point that I would effectively be wrecked and thus no longer be any sort of 'thorn in the side' for the dark force through promoting genuine and truly effective self realization and emotional clearance methods.

Despite the severity and bizarre nature of the late 2004 ordeals, the worst time for me was really in January to mid-April 2004. Because at that time I didn't realize at all that 'lower beings' (i.e. the dark force) were involved, and was thus still assuming that it was true higher beings doing all this to me*, I was sometimes reduced to grovelling on the floor, praying and crying out in a squealed whisper for help from 'on high' - but no overt help came except that on just a few occasions when I'd seemingly been particularly strongly traumatized I had the impression of a host of angels coming in to give me healing and rapidly restore my energy system. However, even then I was a little suspicious that it was not angels at all but a simulation, and my feelings were being manipulated up and down, with little or no true healing occurring in those 'healings' - as I now understand to have been the case. The manipulations occasionally included extremely powerful sexual arousals, which made the situation all the more confusing and disorientating.

* Just imagine for yourself an apparent reality in which higher beings and even 'God' are all taking part in or colluding with Nazi-style 'experiments' on you, so you have no still higher level to turn to for protection or stopping what's going on!

In October 2004 the dark force, posing as my 'higher consciousness', took me through a number of relatively benign but still highly problematical Satanistic practices* throughout the five consecutive nights without sleep that marked the gruelling sequence of ordeals that led to my first hospitalization. The purported rationale was that I needed, as part of my self healing process, to embrace the 'dark' in my past because in a small number of lifetimes I'd been into Satanism and dark practices, and needed to come to terms with this.

Coming to terms with one's past is one thing, but to go repeating 'dark' things that were allegedly in one's past is quite another, so the claims being made to me were complete bullshit from the dark force. Also, as already noted, the alleged past lives of mine were nothing of the sort - almost certainly distorted versions of past life experiences of one or more of the parasitic lost souls attached to me.

* In the first of the overtly Satanistic practices in that series of ordeals, although at the time I didn't know the true significance of this happening, I was directed on one night to drive myself to complete exhaustion through a series of solo sexual acts during which, towards each climax, I was assaulted with what I now understand to be a distorted and much more traumatic version of birth trauma experience. This was alleged to be for an extremely important healing and training purpose. What I understand now is that what I'd been led through on that night was a seriously gruelling and harmful Satanistic sexual practice, which, allegedly, is carried out by particular Satanistic practitioners in the warped belief that to go through all that is in some way healing one's birth trauma. There's an additional element to that practice when they do it, which was not in what I was being led through, but I'm not revealing that here as I don't want to encourage people to do anything so crass and harmful.

That practice was made particularly intimidating because that distorted birth trauma attack was being made out to be a very gentle version of the actually fictional 'disconnection' trauma, and I was being constantly reminded that at my point of climax in one of those solo sexual acts I would be given the 'Great Crunch' of sudden and full exposure to the purported original disconnection experience, which would, it was alleged, be excruciatingly painful, and I'd be screaming and writhing in agony, and neighbours would all come rushing in, and neither they nor the emergency medical services would have a clue what to do about it... - But of course this was all dark force flatus for the sake of trying to get me seriously frightened. It succeeded, however, in getting me no more than a bit nervous, because deep within, throughout all such ordeals, I had a sense that everything was really all right for me, and no real harm would come to me.

At the time I couldn't understand why, but while I was being 'guided' through that gruelling practice I was being almost constantly assailed by whiffs of a disturbing rather sweetish smell that I immediately felt was associated with 'dark' witchcraft, and kept getting an impression of there being a 'dark' witchcraft altar on the door side of my bedroom where I was going through that exhausting practice. What I understand now is that practitioners would generally carry out that practice as a sort of ritual in front of their altar (presumably to Lucifer).

However, the inner voice (i.e. the dark force) went further and was making out that I was never meant to be following a path of 'light' in this lifetime and was a Satanist at heart and should be practising Satanism and worshipping and following the directions of Lucifer* from then on, and indeed it claimed that it was starting to train me in that - and then once I'd died I would fall into a sequence of every one of the hells described in the Buddhist teachings** - and, just to cheer me up, all this was to the accompaniment of frequent whiffs of what I took to be roasting human flesh, allegedly remembered from sacrificial rites in a long-past lifetime. All this then led into a full-blooded sustained and increasingly severe attack from what was then claimed to be 'astral beings', in the guise of a supposedly lethal curse upon me, which led to my first hospitalization.

* Allegedly that was all okay really, because Lucifer was just Archangel Michael in his 'dark' aspect. Of course, in retrospect I understand the truth of that - Archangel Michael and Lucifer are both illusions created in people's minds by the dark force, and so are really exactly of the same stuff and are thus freely interchangeable. Indeed, 'Jesus', 'God' and 'the Holy Spirit' are likewise. The whole lot, therefore, are illusory manifestations of 'Satan'.

** Actually they are inventions of that tradition, because they have no objective existence, and of course they are actually sourced from the dark force.

At various times I was directed and sometimes very strongly pressured into a variety of reckless and potentially or actually destructive acts, which included deleting my whole website (I restored it soon after, though that was delayed by my first hospitalization) and putting onto my website some very challenging information about alleged past lives of myself and certain other people, which, quite apart from its actually being plain fiction, was inappropriate to have been put in the public domain, and which undoubtedly would have convinced many people that I had 'an enormous ego' and was even overtly 'mentally deranged'.

At least I did rebel in the nick of time against a move in late 2003 to get me to formally change my name to Melchior Elias. That would have been a quite inappropriate and troublesome move.

Now that I'm openly recognising it all as fiction, I can safely be open and explicit about the matter of who I'd allegedly been in previous lifetimes, having clearly dissociated myself from all channelled information (of mine or anyone else's) and indeed from the whole scenario of each of us being on an ultimately upward-bound evolutionary sequence of incarnations. We can now all laugh about and also be warned by the following. I had allegedly been:

• the first soul to appear in all Creation (the first incarnation of the first of the Elohim), and so, according to the story, the oldest and most evolved of all souls today (and thus allegedly set to become a great world teacher / leader);
• the historical basis of Lemminkainen in the Kalevala (Finnish national epic) - in a now lost Pleiadean civilization some 150,000 years ago;
• at least two composers (i.e. of music) at different subsequent times in that Pleiadean civilization;
• the historical king Gilgamesh (as noted in the next section). (I make no claim that there ever was a historical Gilgamesh, and am suspicious that there wasn't, and that the Gilgamesh legend actually was based, with distortions, on something in a human-type civilization prior to humans appearing on Earth, and maybe even in a prior universe);
• the Roman emperor Trajan, father of Hadrian;
• the biblical Elisha;
• Jesus' disciple Simon Peter;
• a son of the legendary and very likely actually mythical King Arthur;
• Ananda, cousin of Buddha Shakyamuni;
• a student of Padmasambhava in Tibet;
• a rather distant friend of Francis of Assisi (being another spiritual teacher in Assisi at that time);
• a (female) lover of the Medieval French composer Guillaume de Machaut;
• Duncan Macdonald, allegedly chief Piobreachtead (bagpipes player) of Prince Charles' First Regiment (late 1600s);
• the early 20th Century French composer Jehan Alain (this allegedly my last lifetime).

It's true that there are various things in my life and inner experience that point to possible connections with certain of these earlier personalities, but I now understand those impressions all to have come from previous lifetimes of parasitic lost souls attached to me - a phenomenon described in 'Astral Entities' - Interference and Attacks from 'The Dark Side'.

But actually any of those experiences could have been, rather than directly from the parasitic lost souls, actually experiences brought to me directly by the dark force, which I understand now can attack with visuals and emotional nasties from astral sources in ways that can make almost any scenario appear convincing to a person who isn't exceptionally deeply aware and exceptionally well grounded. That's the basis of night terrors and virtually all of what the medical profession so unhelpfully calls schizophrenia (though soul fragmentation commonly plays a part too), and a whole lot more besides.

Indeed, if the dark force wasn't causing so much trouble with its convoluted yarns I'd take my hat off to it for its apparent inventiveness! ('apparent' being the operative word there, because it simply exploits the creativity and inventiveness of the human minds that it is hijacking or parasitizing.

Long live the King of All the Realms!

One prominent part of the dark force agenda for me, especially during late 2003 and early 2004, was seeking to convince me that I was known to all higher beings as King of the All the Realms (i.e. all the 'dimensions') and would within not that many years be overtly proclaimed as King of Humanity on Earth and indeed of the Pleiadeans too - allegedly to be known as Gilgamesh II. This was supposedly going to come about during a dramatic transition of Humanity over about a decade into a much more enlightened mode of living. As to why Gilgamesh II - well, it was a part of a long-term scheme of the dark force to get me attached to and involved in the notion that I myself had been the alleged historical Gilgamesh*, as already noted further above. Okay, I have no categorical proof that I hadn't been him (if indeed he had ever physically existed), but what was problematical was the consistent attempts to convince me that not only I had been Gilgamesh but this was very important now, some 4,700 years later.

* It's a reasonable surmise that various other people have each had a similar agenda put upon them and have also been told that they'd been the historical Gilgamesh. Just think of the number of people who get told that they were and even still are Jesus! That's all the dark force at work. Similarly, various people have been led to believe that they are Maitreya or at least incarnations thereof - all completely falsely.

One part of that scenario, which was persistently presented to me even after the 'king' fiction had been dropped, was that I, in this incarnation, was regarded in the 'higher dimensions' as so important for the future of Humanity (because of my particular combination of qualities), that I would shortly be transferred into the body of a particular man of 25, who would himself be transferred into the body of a particular 17-years old woman, who would leave her body to reincarnate normally - both these people being strongly connected with me from previous lifetimes.

According to my (mis)information, the 'higher consciousnesses' of these two people had already agreed to the plan, and it was all okay (and supposedly thus nothing untoward or 'dark') because it would bring about positive karmic paybacks. The young man in this story was actually wanting to change gender, so the transfer would do him a favour and fulfil a deep longing of his. Later on I was told that another woman, aged 20 and also closely connected with me from previous lifetimes, had been chosen instead of the 17-year-old. The transfers were allegedly going to be carried out with the assistance of a currently secret organization of lightworkers who were spearheading the transition of Humanity into a more enlightened state.

This was obviously 'dark-force'-sourced 'story', and the notion of it being for anyone's ultimate good to fulfil that young guy's longing to be a woman is barmy. Anyone with a longing to change gender would do well to use some or all of the methods given in Healing and Self Realization - The Safest and Quickest Way to release themselves from those longings and get in full harmony with the reality of 'What Is'. Then, once free of such longings, they can choose whether to do anything about change of gender - and most likely wouldn't, being then happier the way they are than they ever would be through having a gender change.

Also, of course, the 'secret organization of lightworkers' - allegedly the Brotherhood of Light - was just one of the multitude of bogus organizations that the dark force has used as 'fronts' by means of which it has got them inveigled into the cacoprotean network, of which much more much further below..

I was still being given this 'new body' scenario in the summer of 2005, though by then I was told simply that it would happen 'before long', whereas previously a specific date had been given - my birthday in August 2005, though for a while in 2004 I was told it would be on my birthday in 2004. In August 2005 I was told that there truly was a plan to keep me in this incarnation for a long time but I wouldn't be given details till much nearer the time, which would be 'before all that long'.

The justification for the alleged plan to transfer me into a younger body was that my next incarnation would not have the particular unique combination of qualities that were needed for alleged leadership roles of mine for Humanity, and the plan involved my being kept in this incarnation through successive transfers into younger bodies for some 450 years, after which I'd be allowed to choose whether to reincarnate or go through further transfers.

As part of this agenda of the dark force relating to me being 'King of All the Realms', in late 2003 I was periodically given simulations of being transported into the 'angelic' dimension (i.e. the so-called 9th dimension), and amid multitudes of celebrating angels I was enwrapped in colourful robes, and even sometimes crowned, in front of a large and imposing figure with very big eyes, who was supremely powerful and loving - I suppose what many would call God. Well, at least those were novel and entertaining experiences - very different from the nightmarish or indeed hellish experiences that were to follow in early 2004.

Did I actually believe any of that story? No, but neither did I disbelieve - I simply kept an open mind. You never find truth by closing your mind. I was being given what seemed to be true and important information as well as much reckless misinformation and trickery, and so I knew to keep an open mind, for time would be my great filter that would let the chaff fall by the wayside and show what the truth really was.

Well, I was doing the best I knew how to at the time to be completely open minded within that situation, but of course if I'd had a clear understanding then that ALL communications from non-physical sources were from 'the dark side', I'd have just ignored all such communications and not invited any further ones - as finally happened in April 2007, to help bring about a much accelerated process of clearing myself of the dark force interferences.

Unfortunately, some people who got to know of the 'new body' part of the story (especially as I'd put a bit about it on this website so that people would be forewarned in case it really happened) took the view that I'd developed a taste for seriously dark practices and was actually wanting and seeking to get myself transferred into another person's body, so effectively wanting to kill another person in order to extend my own life (which I definitely wasn't), and so they dismissed me as an undesirable, the odd friends cutting themselves off from me.

Indeed, even certain healers - people who you might have thought would know better - stigmatized me on account of that plus my hospitalizations, as some sort of 'proof' that I was mentally unstable or unsound and thus an undesirable, to be kept well clear of. That is not so surprising when you come to understand the extent to which ALL healers, psychics and 'lightworkers' are interfered with and controlled by the dark force, which latter would cultivate negative and dismissive views of me in order that such people be kept well away from getting 'contaminated' with the clarity of mind and self realization and freedom from dark force interference that I was coming towards promoting.

In addition, many times over, I was guided or manipulated into writing to or speaking or acting inappropriately with a variety of people, and I lost further friends and potential friends as a result. Typically, at some later point a bullying, hectoring inner voice would then berate me, while the dark force would attack me with self recriminatory feelings over those various indiscretions into which I'd been led - a type of behaviour that makes ordinary human hypocrisy look 'angelic' in comparison!

Trying to cultivate attachment

There was a funny aspect to this, in the crassness of it being done to me, but at that stage of my inexperience I also found it rather shocking that my 'guidance' was doing this, which presumably would have tended to severely wreck a person emotionally - my 'saving grace' being that I was enlightened and to a very great degree immune to attachment, except perhaps transiently and at the most superficial level.

I have already mentioned the 'King of All the Realms' bullshit, and how the dark force, posing as my 'guidance', was seeking to get me infatuated with the alleged prospect of being this great 'King of All Kings', and indeed called Gilgamesh II. Part of that story was that I, as the alleged current incarnation of the legendary Babylonian king Gilgamesh, was almost imminently going to be reunited with the being who had been Enkidu, the male lover of Gilgamesh, recorded in the legend.

So, periodically some person or another was identified by my 'guidance' as being the current Enkidu incarnation, and I was being given all sorts of story to try and get me attached to the person and the alleged prospect of soon coming together with him.

For a long time my 'guidance' was maintaining that the alleged Enkidu incarnation was a Spanish boy with a curiously Italian-sounding name of Azzo, who was only nine when I encountered him with his father, who latter gave me a lift from Cornwall to the outskirts of Exeter on an evening in September 2003 during my return hitch-hike following one of my Cornish coast path hikes, little more than a month before my dark force problems burst upon me. Without going into full details here, it was clear at the time that Azzo was a really extraordinary individual, and from my current perspective I have no doubt that he was a no-soul incarnation (and thus would have a particularly strong resonance with me), and his particular attached parasitic lost souls were carrying a huge amount of fear, which latter I could feel radiating from him mingled with an intensely penetrating gaze and loving 'feel' about his energy - quite spectacularly different from anything I'd experienced from anyone else of his sort of age. There was something much more powerful and intense about his 'energy' than I'd experienced from anyone near his age, and I got a marked impression that he was particularly independent-minded and strong willed.

N.B. I have no predisposition to being attracted by young boys, so it's no use anyone looking to that as a factor in the particular experience!

I explained to him, through his father as interpreter (for he had almost no English yet), that he was not an ordinary person, and was potentially a strong healer and positive force in the world - something I would still tell a similar boy today (yes, even of that age), if encountered in a situation that made that practical.

Unfortunately, in my ignorance at that time of the pervasiveness of dark force influences in our healing traditions, I recommended that both Azzo and his father get into Reiki. Actually that could quite possibly have led to great problems for him - though on the other hand my telling him such things about himself must have at least, at last, made important sense of things about his life experience that would have been troubling him - though I didn't mention the fear issue, and didn't at that point have any understanding of night hells (i.e. 'night terrors'), which I'm now pretty sure would have been a major element in his early life.

Clearly it was not just a matter of my getting some distorted impression of him, because when I got out of the car in almost complete darkness at the unlit junction just outside Exeter, and he got out so as to return to the front passenger seat, he stood there in just the faint glimmer of light from the car's 'vanity' light, staring at me intensely, then suddenly, with a great intensity, threw his arms around me in a clearly intensely felt embrace, while his more easy-going father was laughing there still in the car.

Unfortunately (or indeed really most likely fortunately at that particular time, so that I couldn't go causing any further problems for Azzo because of all my dark force misguidance), although I'd given Azzo's father a leaflet with my website address on it, I hadn't thought at that time to take their contact details, so all I knew was that they were living in Madrid.

N.B. I appreciate that some people would throw up their hands in horror at my giving Azzo's name in public. I would have to say, however, that anyone who responds thus is at least to some extent what I'd call a member of the 'Appropriateness' Brigade, and would be responding out of taboo and control agenda, and not rational and aware thought about what is most helpful in each individual situation.

I name Azzo for a very specific reason - to increase as far as reasonably possible the chances of his finding this site and indeed the information given here, so that he has at least a chance of getting out of various possible unhelpful situations or indeed predicaments that he might have got into or might get into in the future, and so that he has the best chance of getting bang on course for his own self realization and clearance of his own dark force interferences and attached parasitic lost souls.

Indeed, it's distinctly possible that one or more mediums / clairvoyants would have told him, or may tell him in the future, that he is the current incarnation of Enkidu (or even Gilgamesh!), because the dark force would push different angles of the same story to different people to try to get them involved with each other in unhelpful ways - and so it would be greatly helpful to Azzo to be aware of the nature and source of any such claims that may be made to him.

Although I've jettisoned all the 'story' from the dark force about him, including the idea of him and me being lovers in any way that people would normally mean by that word, there's a high probability that he would be a particularly suitable person to join in Project Clear Mind Agent to assist in the experimental dark force dissolution work, and he would very likely be a strong candidate for joining my Cutting Edge Self Realization Group (though of course I couldn't be fully sure of that prior to getting to know him further).

I would also point out that, as a no-soul incarnation, he would not view my naming him in the disapproving way that most people would, for orthodoxy would not be his middle name, nor any other name of his, and he would understand better than just about anyone else why I've named him here!

Inevitably, however, my 'guidance' was insisting that Azzo and I were to be brought together before long, and I would be transferred into the already mentioned new body, so taking up a physical age of just 25, so that after not too many years (after all, Azzo would have needed to complete his schooling first), he and I would come together as soul-mate type lovers and remain that way for the rest of our lives. Now that it was being made out to me that Azzo was the most important person in my life, I was tantalizingly out of touch with him.

However, the story went further. This time (i.e. as distinct from how things had been for Gilgamesh in the legend) this soul mate relationship allegedly was going to be without attachment*, and so I'd be able to have lots of other male lovers too (all of them long established soul mates, of course!), with no problems caused by that. Allegedly, as I was this great Gilgamesh character, my energy would be so tremendous that I could (and would) have a whole entourage of male 'soul mates', so I'd never have any shortage of lovemaking options, and the lovemaking would all be overpoweringly ecstatic - like nothing I'd experienced yet! Wow!

* Actually, in hindsight this makes me laugh a bit, because you can be sure that any sort of close relationship without attachment wouldn't at all have been any basic part of a dark force agenda for anyone. What I see going on there is the dark force frantically trying to cover up for its repeated failures to get me attached to the prospect of reuniting with the supposed Enkidu incarnation, and so instead it was seeking to accommodate my dogged 'unattachableness' into a scenario that in itself was then intended to be a lure for me and a major subject of attachment - but even that didn't work, because although the idea of having lots of non-attached highly energy-compatible male companions / lovers seemed great, it simply wasn't here and now, and therefore it was of no more consequence to me than a politician's long-term promise - and all along I was feeling a certain fundamental unease at the very notion of having my life so much planned and organized 'from outside'. It didn't look like all that much free choice for me.

So, I was going to have to wait for Azzo, the alleged Enkidu incarnation, but in the meantime I was pretty constantly given stories about other alleged soul mates who were about to come into my life to fill the gap meanwhile - and always there was a lot of emphasis on the tremendously ecstatic physical lovemaking opportunities that were allegedly almost upon me.

Periodically through all this, my 'guidance' would tell me, once a particular 'soul mates' scenario was established in my mind, that that scenario was actually untrue, and there were no such soul mates of mine. Even occasionally the alleged Enkidu incarnation was denied - and I was aware each time that what was being tried on me was a major attempt to wreck me emotionally. The catch for the dark force was that each time this happened I promptly let go of the particular soul mate scenario and shrugged my shoulders, and just thought to myself quite peacefully, "Oh well, if it's not that it's something else!", and was virtually untouched emotionally, apart from, as I say, feeling a little shocked that such nasty tricks were being played on me, which could really harm a non-enlightened person who really did get emotionally attached to the 'bait' that was being dangled in front of his nose (and indeed his willie!).

This nonsense went on through late 2003 and early 2004, thereafter being mostly rather lower key, except in the lead-up to the October 2004 severe ordeals, where it became much more of a feature again. After that, I'd really done with such scenarios, and the remaining one with real prominence was just the 'new body', with the 'reunion with Enkidu incarnation' being more in the background, finally getting dropped altogether in early 2007 as I started in earnest the process of jettisoning all the dark force deceptions and influences.

During the intensive application of this 'get him attached' strategy, in late 2003 to early 2004, it all seemed a bit comical even then, because of the way that my 'guidance' seemed unable to take on board that I simply didn't get attached to such things, and so it kept trying variants of the same thing again and again. In retrospect I can see clearly why this must have been happening - the 'guidance' was of course the dark force, and the latter is not an actual conscious and thus intelligent being. It is just programming in thought 'energy', and thus cannot respond in truly appropriate ways to very uncommon situations that are not included in its programming.

However, there was a sneaky thing about all those announcements to me that the latest 'soul mate' scenario, and even the 'Enkidu' one, was untrue. The dark force was also seeking to get me really impressed at my lack of attachment, and seeking to get me seeing myself as enlightened and self realized to a phenomenal extent, allegedly unprecedented in all of 'Creation', so that I would be held in awe by everyone.

However, I could see immediately at the time that this was being tried on me, and so, while for a time I sort-of accepted the story about that at a very superficial level, I did so with a very open mind, and was aware of how it could lead me astray, and I simply didn't really connect with it, and so it was easier than pie to just maintain an open mind about whatever state of realization I was in, and let the various retellings of the basic story slide away as I put my attention on getting on doing my best to get on with life despite all the interferences and attacks.

Attempted self harm and suicide

In my late 2004 ordeals I even followed some instructions from my 'guidance' that would potentially have killed me - because they were linked to the alleged 'new body' scenario mentioned above, I being told that I was at that point meant to leave my body for the transfer. In fact, during those guided suicide attempts (which were mostly directed towards means to smash my skull) there were clear signs of my being very strongly protected by what I then thought of as some sort of 'higher will'*, so that the particular means that I was directed to use didn't work, and the kitchen knife that I carefully sharpened for a nice little wrist-slashing suicide was unable to make more than the most superficial scratch-like wounds on my left wrist, which seemed to have become like tough rubber.

* I'd now say without much equivocation that it was my own deepest aspects and not anything 'higher' or separate from me at all. Also, as part of that intrinsic self protection, I'd intuitively steered clear of two knives (one in particular) that I knew even then at the back of my mind would both have been easier to sharpen really well and would have most likely stood a much greater chance of fatally slashing my body.

Although it seemed at the time like a miracle that my wrist had become so tough, I suspect that what had really happened was that my own deeper aspects worked the muscles of my right (dominant) hand / arm in such a way that when I seemed to be applying quite a bit of pressure while sawing away with the knife, I was actually applying almost no pressure at all. Hence my hardly breaking the skin. Thankfully, I got the message!

Actually the attempted wrist slashing was not part of the abovementioned scenario of various attempted skull smashings (which were in the October 2004 ordeals), but arose the evening before my December 2004 hospitalization*, during which evening I was being given the impression that I was in the process of dying, and it was put to me that as soon as I'd got out of my flat to die (I was instructed to go down the the Exeter Ship Canal - it was dark then - and throw myself in), my flat contents would all be set alight and the whole block of flats would be burnt out - and the only way that I could prevent that from happening would be to kill myself there and then within my flat.

At my wits' end and faced with the apparent prospect of my immediate neighbours getting caught up in the postulated conflagration, I chose the path that would allegedly avoid that happening. As I had relatively little remaining emotional attachment, although I had no desire per se to kill myself, it was of relatively small odds to me whether I continued in this incarnation or moved on to the supposed next one or was transferred into another body within this incarnation - I just wanted whatever was for the ultimate good and meant to happen. And so I very reluctantly sharpened the knife and then sawed at my tough rubber wrist, in amazement at the small spot or so of blood that grudgingly emerged. Not even a sticking plaster was necessary after I'd given up on that. Actually I gave up pretty readily because by then I could see the obvious sign that this whole business was in fact symbolic and I was never meant (at least by any worthwhile source) to kill myself.

* So slight were the wounds that the two bracelets on that wrist distracted the attention of hospital staff, and during my 16 days' incarceration in that psychiatric unit none of the staff noticed the little quickly healing scratch-like injuries there, which I never thought to try and conceal - amazing considering that signs of attempted self mutilation / suicide are supposed to be zealously looked out for in such an 'acute' psychiatric ward.

In retrospect, I suspect that the reason for this lapse was simply that the hospital staff were all impressed by the articulate way that I described what was going on for me and stated what my needs were - including the uselessness of psychiatric 'treatments' - and indeed my whole very actively positive outlook on my situation and life in general, so they actually had a great deal of trust in me - particularly as I'd been in before and had recovered in a manner that was truly dramatic compared with their normal run of 'patients', and this being clearly under my own direction and without anything much of their actually very harmful 'assistance'.

A vomit element to the story

I'd always had a particular dread of vomiting, and thus of course a strong revulsion at vomit itself, the sight or smell of which in fact would sometimes be enough to make me retch and almost go adding to the mess. To what extent my fear of vomiting has been stronger than normal for people, I don't know, and in any case it hadn't been strong enough to get labelled as a phobia, but it was nonetheless real, and was thus an inevitable bit of ammunition that the dark force could use upon me.

One particular irony about the vomit element in my dark force ordeals was that during all those ordeals I never actually vomited, despite various intimations that I was about to vomit - indeed most violently and traumatically, and sometimes I was given the smell of vomit as a further 'encouragement'. The vomit element arose first during the October 2004 ordeals that led up to my first hospitalization. At that stage I was being taken through various supposedly Satanistic procedures, and a large proportion of them were ritualized messing about with imaginary ('etheric') vomit, which I had to produce by acting out my vomiting in a bucket (but actually not vomiting at all), then being directed to ritualistically anoint myself with the (imaginary) disgusting mess. At the end of a session I'd be directed to go to the toilet and make myself "really" vomit by sticking a finger into the back of my throat, but something always blocked that from achieving what it was supposedly meant to, so I'd just retch momentarily without actually throwing up. Perhaps my own deepest aspects were protecting me then, for only harm would have come from me throwing up when there wasn't a genuine need to do so.

However, more harrowing was during particular attacks in that period, when I was first being severely attacked with the trauma energy of panic and sometimes nausea feelings. On one occasion (which I was warned would keep happening, to try to get me terrified) in late November 2004, I was given a really severe attack of a combination of the emotional trauma energy of panic and a strong nausea - a really hellish experience, though it was fortunately brief.

During that period I was sometimes menaced with the notion that I was imminently going to vomit most violently, which would be caused by an attack, or, on certain occasions, as a result of something I was about to be shown, such as in re-runs of night terror visuals. This ploy would typically be at breakfast, when, during the ordeals, it was getting difficult to eat, and when I'd just eaten my bowl-full of chopped mixed fruit with yoghurt, liberally sprinkled with sunflower seeds, I'd be told something like "There, that wasn't wise of you - but you've done it now! Now [in a triumphant voice] when you vomit, as you're just about to, most violently, those seeds will cause you excruciating pain!". It was all hot air actually, just trying to get me wound up and terrified.

It was also nonsense in a very practical way: I chew my food very thoroughly - indeed, thoroughly enough to have occasionally drawn comment from people for my doing so. Thus if I had brought up my fruit / yoghurt / sunflower seeds, the latter would have been well and truly chewed, and there would have been little or nothing to chafe or scratch in my oesophagus when vomiting.

Then, during some of the strong attacks during the summer of 2006, I was being attacked with a combination of nightmarish feelings that seemed to be related to dark practices and Satanism, combined with strong sexual arousals, and in the thick of that I was sometimes given the smell of vomit and indeed given images of myself rolling and squirming about in my own vomit in supposed sexual ecstasy, while I was being attacked with strong sexual arousal.

What I understand in retrospect about all these vomit elements to the dark force's attacks on me is that it was seeking to exploit particular traumas carried by one or possibly more of the parasitic lost souls attached to me. At least one of the latter had had a lifetime in which (s)he had been in some sort of really rock-bottom black magic cult or sect, in which the members had a marked tendency to go for whatever was maximally repugnant to ordinary people and incorporate it in their practices. So it had come about that that particular person had been severely traumatized on at least one occasion when, as part of some sort of depraved orgy involving vomit, (s)he had been given one or more drugs (i.e. herbal preparations) that made him/her simultaneously hallucinate wildly (almost certainly getting night hell - i.e. night terror - visuals, feel an intense fear or anxiety together with disorientation, and repeatedly vomit most violently - a pretty hellish combination for anyone, and within the context of one of the most way-out and depraved black magic orgies, even more so!

So, with that particular lost soul attached to me, no wonder the very thought of vomiting seemed nightmarish or indeed hellish - and thus also, no wonder that the dark force was seeking to exploit that to wind me up or indeed freak me out! It's very likely that the dark force dredged up the association of vomit with sexual arousal from that particular lost soul's memories of particular orgies - naturally in order to try to screw me up.

...And naturally, 'karma' raised its ugly head

At times the dark force, posing as my guidance, made out that I was due for immensely severe karmic repercussions over various even very minor matters - putting forward a distorted and nightmarish version of the punitive karma that is described in some (not all) of the Buddhist teachings and to which I'd supposedly been exposed in certain previous lifetimes. The aim, as with their other actions, was to frighten and demoralize me and destroy me emotionally if not physically too.

As already noted, any such previous lifetimes were not my own, but would have belonged to particular of the parasitic lost souls attached to me.

What about receiving healing to cast out the entities?

There were a number of attempts at this, for it wasn't till 2008 that I finally came to recognise that the 'entities' were all just illusory manifestations. As I now well understand, no attempts at all to cast out 'astral entities' could ever work for anyone! In cases where that does appear to have happened, the dark force has simply gone into hiding to give the impression that the actually fictitious entities have been cast out, while it continues interfering with the person but in more covert ways. The aim of the dark force in such cases is to get people promoting totally ineffective methods to supposedly remove them and so deflect the people from seeking out truly effective methods to make one totally invulnerable to interferences from the dark force (such as I give in Healing and Self Realization - The Safest and Quickest Way).

The time when I was first told that I had 'astral beings' impersonating higher beings was in early April 2004, when I was at my wits' end (again!) and mentioned the problem on the phone to Su Sutton, a healer in Newton Abbot. She wrote me a letter telling me that she'd had a message from the 'angelic dimension', that I had impersonating 'astral beings' around me and I needed to ask 'Archangel Michael'* for assistance. In fact although it seemed at first that 'Michael' did step in and stop a particular attack when I invoked 'him', the 'entities' came straight back and were impossible for me to exclude, no matter how many times I called 'Michael' or 'Archangel Michael' to clear them out and keep them out. In fact it was really then that, for the first time the dark force had started to make itself apparent actually as 'astral beings' (rather than purported higher beings) by its intrusive and very volatile communications.

* As already noted, the archangels are among the range of alleged higher beings that are all inventions of the 'dark side' and are thus bogus. People really don't know at all what they're getting when they have communications or 'assistance' from manifestations or apparitions claiming to be such higher beings. The only thing they can be sure of is that all such manifestations are illusions (however realistic seeming), and they are sourced from the dark force.

During the following week, on different days I had what seemed to be powerful healing from Su and from ZM (the 'lightworker' who'd made and supplied my sacred geometry 'healing' wands), either of which healings supposedly should have excluded and sealed out the 'entities' - and yet the latter were still with me. I then felt frightened - abandoned with an issue that nobody could resolve or even properly recognise, and for good measure another and eventually very severe attack upon me got under way during that time, which really felt as though it was going to be the end of me, with the inner voice repeatedly telling me that it was Anlil (sic), King of the Underworld, and it was going to claim me and hold me prisoner in the 'astral dimension' as soon as I'd died. That was all a particularly nightmarish experience, which I came out of when I had a remote reading and advice on the phone from the experienced healer Christopher Strong in Evesham (UK), whose phone number I'd been given when I made a desperate, seemingly last-ditch phone call to the London office of the National Federation of Spiritual Healers. Although at that point he saw only thought forms and no troublesome entities around me (actually in a way correctly, because the dark force isn't real entities at all - but he missed the parasitic lost souls), he did give me some suggestions of certain practical things to change and to do in my everyday life, and so succeed in getting me to break the feedback loop of fear which had been a major part of the mechanism of the attack, and I quickly recovered.

Let this be a warning to those people who keep asking me to give them healings to help them with their entities problems. Each of the abovementioned healers brought me significant problems, as follows:

• Su was categorical that for the healing that she was to give me, I had to allow myself to get really spaced out and indeed go 'out of body' while the healing was being done - and I did my best to comply, though I doubt whether I've really gone 'out of body' in my life, because my awareness has been just too grounded for that to happen. Her 'healing' removed nothing, because 'astral entities' (and indeed any other dark force manifestation) cannot be 'bodily' removed like that, and, what's more, she'd got me to unground my awareness still more than it already was (quite the worst thing for anyone in such a situation), so making me still more open and vulnerable to the dark force, and the attack continued to develop.

• ZM, the 'lightworker' who made and supplied my sacred geometry wands (which I now know to have been instruments of the 'dark side' and actually making me significantly more vulnerable to the dark force), in April 2004 gave me 'healings' by directing upon my energy system certain electronic devices (including a modified Zapper, itself an extremely harmful device) that purportedly would clear out absolutely any type of entity from my 'aura' and seal the latter so that re-entry was impossible.

  In fact the very notion of being able to seal a person's energy system like that was rubbish, and the devices seriously disrupted and weakened various aspects of my energy system, and this led into the crisis I mention above, in which it had come to seem that I was close to dying. I now understand that I came very near to real disaster that time, because I came probably closer then than in any of my other crises to getting sufficiently ungrounded for the dark force to sneak into my physical presence a 'partial walk-in' of a powerful 'lost' soul, specially programmed by the dark force, so that then, according to its 'plans', I would have become one of its puppets, controlled by the 'walked-in' lost soul.

  Then in March 2005 ZM gave me a healing session in which, he claimed, he was going to connect various energies from the very highest 'galactic' levels into my energy system, 'grounding them into it'. I had a very deep intuitive feel in advance as well as during the session that there was something altogether 'not right' about it, and that ZM was hiding something very important from me. Two weeks later I had an extremely strange 'field workshop' with ZM, which I write about further below, during which I was being constantly attacked by the dark force, which involved my connecting myself to groups of fashioned double-terminated crystals (clear quartz and amethyst) which, under his direction I buried in merkaba configurations at certain supposedly powerful 'energy points', such as at Stonehenge and Avebury - supposedly for the purpose of getting myself more grounded.

  Two weeks later the attacks escalated into another crisis. My energy testing now indicates that what ZM had succeeded in doing in that 'healing' and the workshop was not only considerably undermining the groundedness of my awareness, and, more seriously, the overall groundedness of my entire being, but had created major additional connections in my energy system into the astral sub-reality and thus my openness to the dark force.

  N.B. As I explain further below, I eventually established that the April 2005 workshop was actually an attempt on my life - though I'm not going to publicly speculate as to whether that intent was in ZM's conscious awareness or whether his dark force 'guidance' - the so-called Galactic Brotherhood of Light - had hidden that intent from him when it directed him in setting me up to be destroyed.

• Christopher Strong comes out best out of this unedifying catalogue of serious healing faux pas, for he actually gave me some very sane and helpful suggestions of immediate measures that enabled me to get myself speedily out of the severe crisis that Su and especially ZM had so considerably aggravated. It's VERY significant that Christopher didn't 'give me healing' (though I guess if he'd seen entities around me he'd have had a go at supposedly removing them), and he really assisted me by suggesting some practical measures that I could immediately take myself (which basically were for getting me more grounded again, which was indeed my most pressing need at that point). But that was only for getting back into balance, out of the then current crisis, and was not actually about addressing the underlying issue of the ongoing presence of and interferences from the 'entities'.

  In fact he himself was being misled by the dark force in some respects, and his remote 'reading' of my situation saw no entities around me - only some thought forms that, he said, were associated with geopathic stress caused by an underground watercourse below my flat. There were two problems about that 'diagnosis', (which actually the dowser David Lockwood had also come up with, as already noted, owing to his own dark force interference): to my understanding now (based on my own energy testing), there was no such geopathic stress here in my flat, though there were certainly other environmental stresses that were considerably exacerbating my entity troubles by the way they weakened and distorted my non-physical aspects - and the remedy that Christopher suggested was a Bailey Stressbuster.

  There was just one mighty big problem about the latter: although the Stressbuster supposedly does counter a (limited) range of environmental stress energies, it itself, as an electronic device, emits a significantly harmful environmental stress, creating electromagnetic radiation itself. So, for a year or two during my worst troubles with the dark force I had this Stressbuster going all the time, further weakening my energy system and thus making me still more vulnerable to all 'dark comers'. Would that I'd had a Clarity-Sphere then instead!

Another notable 'healing' that I received was from Stephen Webb, apparently a very strong channel for 'Archangel Michael', in June 2005 during my stay at the Findhorn Foundation, a 'spiritual' community in Scotland, and that, supposedly, should have fixed the problem, but the 'entities' (i.e. dark force interferences) were still with me. Then in July 2005 at the Quest fair at Newton Abbot, I had a quite different sort of 'healing' from Grahame Wyllie, a clairvoyant healer and channel (medium) calling himself Shabdan. In that 'healing' he guided me through calling in all the contracts that, he said, would have been made between my 'higher self' and any of the entities (which Graham called 'false guides') to allow them into my aura, and then 'etherically' burning all those contracts to ashes (i.e. visualizing it happening). He then guided me through doing the same for all the contracts supposedly made by my 'higher self' with gateways in my 'aura' to allow the 'false guides' to open them. Supposedly all that ought to have fixed the situation* - but I still had the 'entities'.

* Later note (June 2008) - I say 'supposedly', because actually the whole procedure was bogus, even though Grahame presumably didn't realize it. A sort-of separated-off higher consciousness or higher self is one of the 'New Age' myths, and so also was the notion of all those contracts - there were never any such contracts. It is the dark force that keeps giving people the story of such contracts, both in order to convince people that they are contractually tied to 'astral entities' and to get healers and 'lightworkers' wasting their time and resources on completely ineffective methods to try to clear the supposed entities.

Well, I guess that on that occasion Grahame didn't do anything that got me significantly more ungrounded, but my understanding now is that he himself was and is in very serious trouble with the dark force, and doesn't even realize it. You only have to go to his website (which I'm not nowadays linking to from this site) and see all the stuff there about angels, archangels and channellings and healings from those purported beings and also a great range of other supposed higher beings (many with exotic names), and the stuff about Humanity soon all being stage-managed by supposedly higher beings into 'ascending' into the 5th dimension - and then to read 'Astral Entities' - Interference and Attacks from 'The Dark Side', to realize how deeply he is unwittingly running a major dark force agenda, regardless of his undoubtedly genuine strong good intentions.

No wonder he was using a useless method for my 'entity' clearance and was not in touch with any method that would truly get clearing my problem with the 'entities'! He even told me the 'name' of my purported 'personal guide' - not realizing that all supposed guides are in various ways illusions given to us by the dark force, and the aim behind and indeed effect of 'guides' - even the supposedly 'highest' of them - is to lure us away from turning to our own core essence for all the guidance and 'wisdom' that we could ever need, and to help condition us to allowing ourselves to be controlled by external entities or influences instead of living happy lives of love and awarely applied free choice.

Another angle that I was guided through at the July 2005 Quest fair was using a particular setup statement in the EFT - "Even though I have this troublesome inner voice and I seem to be stuck with it for ever, I deeply and completely love and accept myself, and I choose now to thank it and pension it off". In the particular group context this produced some emotional release from me but didn't clear out the 'entities' - but then it would be too much to expect an immediate 'miracle' of EFT for this issue, for it would require ongoing work on such issues to clear any entities, even if they were real ones to start with.

Then a couple of weeks later, at Findhorn again, Stephen Webb guided me through creating by visualization a blue pyramid of 'Archangel Michael' energy to put myself within, which would exclude all the 'entities', and, according to him, all I needed to do was to re-create the pyramid once a day. Only trouble was that each pyramid dissolved within about half a minute, if that, and the 'entities' had really never left me at all.

* You see? 'Archangel Michael' again. Yet another healer who genuinely believed that he was in touch with real higher beings but actually was being hopelessly deceived - in reality invoking 'the dark side' to clear out 'the dark side'! The dark force manifestation that was directing that little trick was no doubt laughing all the way to - well, wherever a dark force manifestation (which is an illusion anyway) goes laughing all the way to...!

Indeed, as noted further below, Stephen did a 'reading' for me, supposedly channelling Archangel Michael, and it confirmed the supposed veracity of various pieces of serious misinformation about myself that I myself had channelled, such as my having been the historical Gilgamesh and Jesus' disciple Simon Peter.

In November 2005 I had a remote healing from Isy Grigg, author of the handy little book EFT In Your Pocket, and she reported that she'd removed and excluded the 'astral beings' from my energy system and removed some parasitic negative energy implants*, including, she said, one that had been holding my crown chakra wide open and so allowing undesirables to enter my system. Bafflingly, throughout the healing I was getting the occasional telltale visual 'no' flash responses to various of my thoughts, and even while Isy was telling me on the phone afterwards that I was completely clear of the 'astral entities' I was still getting intrusive communications apparently from them. Although it seemed at the time conceivable that I was experiencing then just a pattern of expecting their interference, as Isy was claiming, I thought otherwise, and two main alternatives seemed likely to me. One was that the entities were hidden from Isy to fool her into thinking that she had removed them when in fact their removal hadn't been allowed**. The other was that the entities were temporarily excluded but my 'higher consciousness' then presented me with a simulation of them until they were allowed back into my energy system at least within a day or so and probably within an hour or so.

Actually the very notion of the 'entities' being removable bodily was off the rails, for, as I've already explained, they are illusory and thus there was actually nothing to remove. - Or rather, there was something to remove (i.e. the parasitic lost souls attached to me), but that is something that NO healer 'sees'. Why does no healer see them? -- Because when a healer 'sees' something non-physical, (s)he is actually not really seeing it directly at all but simply being shown a representation of it by the dark force, which is the source of ALL normal psychic and 'higher' perceptions. Naturally the dark force doesn't go showing healers the parasitic lost souls, for certain healers might then actually start seeking to take measures to clear them out.

* The mystery about the origin of these implants appears to have been resolved. In early 2003 for a while I went to a weekly Reiki 'shares' group - i.e. for exchanging hands-on healing, mostly by each taking a turn to lie on the table and receive healing from the group. The leader of the group was undoubtedly by normal standards a very accomplished healer. However, like pretty well all such people he was being extensively deceived and misdirected by the dark force.

In his case there were signs that he had not only the normal complement of attached parasitic 'lost' souls but also a partial walk-in or a serious type of spirit attachment (attached discarnate human consciousness), which, as well as causing him, reputedly, to be very temperamental and volatile in his personal life, was frequently (mis)guiding him into putting energy implants into the non-physical aspects of those to whom he gave healing, and on one of those weekly group sessions I was one of the 'lucky' recipients. As far as I can tell, he genuinely believed that he was inserting healing implants that would soon dissolve, but they were actually harmful and notionally permanent, thanks to the dark force doing various things to keep them in place and prevent them from dissolving.

Some others who attended that group also received such implants and presumably don't know about them yet, though they may well be experiencing various resultant adverse long-term health effects.

It may look a bit puzzling that those implants in my system weren't altogether hidden from Isy by the dark force. My current 'reading' about this is that most likely the dark force would have completely hidden the implants from her if it could, but her own deepest aspects were actually managing to show them to her. However, without dark force interference she would have got quite different and more subtle impressions of the implants. In order to prevent her at least from seeing exactly what was there, the dark force had actually relayed those impressions to her ordinary mind, so more or less obliterating the directly gained accurate impressions with superimposed distorted versions that would help reinforce various incorrect beliefs about such energy manifestations.

As I understand it, what the dark force showed Isy was a distortion of the actual situation, because the implants were not ring-like as they were shown to her, but, if they were to be visually represented in any meaningful way at all it would have had to have been like crystals, as is the case for at least most energy implants, and the one that she saw as holding my crown chakra open was not doing any such thing and, if that one existed at all it probably was not where she saw it. Also, as I understand it now, she was deceived about her having supposedly removed any of the implants. Their dissolution, along with that of other interferences, was commenced by me late in 2007, that dissolution particularly spearheaded by my use of the Grounding Post procedure together with use (at that time) of the Energy Egg and the related device called the Guardian Angel, for I didn't develop the much more effective Clarity-Sphere till early in 2008.

The very notion that a chakra can let in entities and other problems through being 'open' is one of the many fictions given to healers by the dark force. An 'open' chakra is actually nothing other than an energized one, and the dark force cultivates particular myths among healers to encourage them to de-energize chakras (and thus weaken a person's energy system), supposedly in the name of closing them to keep entities and other nasties out.

** The notion of the removals not being allowed was part of more fiction from the dark force. My understanding now is that, as observed in the next annotation, 'astral entities' actually cannot be removed and sealed out in the way that healers and 'lightworkers' almost universally believe - particularly as they aren't real entities in the first place. They can only be progressively 'faded out' of one's life experience through ongoing self realization work. Also, as previously noted, the notion of the 'higher self' or 'higher consciousness' is a dark force sourced fiction designed to get us turning to the dark force posing as our 'higher self'.

In July 2006, as recounted further below, I had a session with Emma, a healer fully trained at the School of Energy Healing, a UK offshoot of the Barbara Brennan School of Healing. This of course too failed to remove the 'entities' and indeed briefly re-empowered them a little (because they exploited the slight stress of my vainly trying to get rid of them), and Emma 'revealed' that I had relationship chakra cords connecting me to the entities - which, it seemed at the time, helped to explain why no healing could remove them*. Such cords can be dissolved only when one's higher consciousness determines that it's for one's highest good for that to happen. Presumably my higher consciousness still saw it as for my highest good to keep the entities at the present time, in which case no ethical healing could get rid of them.

* That seemed convincing at that time, from within my own dark force sourced confusions, but actually it was just another bit of dark force sourced bullshit. There were no such cords connecting me to any entities, and in any case my understanding now is that, as noted further above, astral 'entities', being illusory manifestations of the dark force, actually cannot be removed at all by any means; they can only be 'faded out' of one's life experience through ongoing comprehensive genuine self realization work by dark force free methodologies such as I present in Healing and Self Realization - The Safest and Quickest Way.

The day after that, the already mentioned experienced healer, dowser and 'lightworker' David Lockwood of Launceston, Cornwall, had a remote 'peek' at my 'aura', 'saw' a wide open 'door' from my 'aura' into the 'astral dimension', and supposedly closed it - having the previous day had my invitation to have a go at banishing my little 'pets'. The result? No change.

At that time my understanding was* that my own 'higher consciousness' had chosen for me to go through the difficult experiences with the 'entities', and therefore it simply undid or disallowed every healing or would-be protective measure that was aimed to get rid of them or keep them out. So I'd progressively, through hard experience, come to the view that presumably I had to allow this issue to work itself out and trust my 'higher consciousness' and any involved higher beings to clear out the 'astral entities' when they considered it would be for the 'highest good' that they be removed. It looked, thus, as though I might indeed be stuck with the 'entities' until I'd cleared out virtually all of the seemingly huge mass of stored fear and related trauma emotions that I was still carrying.

* This was all distorted balderdash, from the dark force posing as my 'higher consciousness' (the latter, as already noted, itself a fiction from the dark force). My understanding, now that I'm getting really clear of these interferences, is that, as already noted, 'astral entities' simply cannot be 'sent on' or 'cast out' in the manner that the vast majority of healers appear to believe to be possible - because they are not true entities in the first place. What can be sent on - though not all that often through single direct 'healings' from another person - is earthbound spirit attachments and parasitic 'lost' souls. However, particularly the latter still generally need quite a lot of very effective emotional clearance and self realization work to weaken their hold and then eventually to 'squeeze' them out.

The latter sort of methods, if really effective, also very gradually 'fade out' the interferences from the dark force, but without anything actually being sent away. I present methods for such clearance in Healing and Self Realization - The Safest and Quickest Way.

"Your tests and trials are almost over"...

In July 2005 at the Findhorn Foundation, I had a 'reading' from Stephen Webb, who, as I've remarked above, was apparently a very strong and supposedly reliable channel for Archangel Michael*. The latter, speaking through him, told me that my "tests and trials are almost over" and that I had already "won the war against the forces of darkness", emphatically repeating the latter twice as I cried a little. He also emphasized that the 'astral beings', despite all the difficult and dark experiences, had served an important healing end for me and so their ultimate function had been positive.

* As already noted, such higher beings are bogus, and actually, to my understanding, are all illusions created in people's minds by the dark force. The supposed archangel's words certainly appeared to be wise and friendly, but it 'confirmed' a variety of bits of channelled misinformation about various supposed past lives of mine, without finding any errors - and indeed congratulated me on the quality of my channelling. In the light of what I understand now, that is clearly indicative of dark force influence in whatever Stephen was receiving (and indeed what ANY channel or medium would receive).

My own 'take' on what is happening when Stephen or indeed anyone else is supposedly channelling from a higher and seemingly positive source is as follows. They are actually receiving information and positive intents from their own deepest aspects and not an external source at all (there can be no 'higher' nor purer source than one's own very deepest aspect, which is fundamental consciousness or 'the Ultimate'), but there is a catch. Because they can't yet (until they are very advanced in their self realization process) 'hear' the thoughts and communications from their deepest aspects directly, the dark force, which can 'read' all those deep levels of thought and attempted communication, relays all that information, and even an apparently positive and loving persona, to the person's ordinary mind, making it appear that a 'higher being' is doing the communicating. These relayed communications always contain distortions and usually serious deletions and additions with the aim of misleading.

I do not mean that there are necessarily no higher non-physical beings, but simply that we have no means to know about them, and because of the dark force seeking to get us hooked on belief in illusory 'higher realities', it's safest to keep clear of the whole matter and not to channel at all, instead cultivating the ability to tap the 'highest' source that there is for answers and healing - one's own deepest nature, which is based in fundamental consciousness or 'the Ultimate' itself. I write more about this in Better Without Channelling.

As for my "tests and trials" being almost over, well, that very statement was more dark force bullshit, seeking to legitimize the dark force's attempts to wreck me - like a Holocaust denier. So much for Archangel Michael's credibility as anything worthwhile to channel from!

In any case, actually the interferences and attacks continued right through 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008 and beyond - though thankfully with a steady diminution from mid 2007. Indeed, in early February 2007 I had a climactically severe and spectacular all-night ordeal - though at that stage I was strong enough not to be traumatized or really significantly harmed by it, even though it did lead me transiently into some danger. More about that in My Own Self Realization 'Path' - Part 2 and My Little Brush With Psychiatry.

And now, having done some very interesting and fruitful detective work upon my experiences, I've found out what looks like being the true nature of the dark force, so that I've started experimentally doing something about it...

But that story is just a little further below, and make of it what you will, once you get there...

Being pragmatic about medication

Rather than just be at the mercy of attacks when they came, in 2005 I set up a small stock of medication that I could use to get me through a severe peak of nasties and minimize the disruption to my life. This was primarily for enabling me to get some sleep when things were really rough, for even then during the daytime I preferred to remain unmedicated and to allow the nasty experiences to be what I thought for quite a while then to be just part of my self healing process. The medication that I settled on was Haloperidol (an antipsychotic) in 1.5 mg and 5 mg tablets (the latter only for really strong peaks), and Zopiclone and Nitrazepam sleeping tablets - keeping both so that they are alternated to minimize any possible addiction or tolerance problems. I found that a nocturnal dose of Haloperidol greater than 1.5 mg caused me a really bothersome drowsiness for much of the next day, so I learnt to limit Haloperidol to the latter modest dosage.

However, following from recommendation during my third hospitalization, in September 2006, I discarded all the Haloperidol and then had 0.5 mg Risperidone tablets available instead (another antipsychotic).

Also, it was general policy of mine never to take a sleeping tablet on two successive nights, even if it meant sometimes risking some sleepless nights (ameliorated, though, with Haloperidol or Risperidone if a particular night looked like being problematical). In fact I had to recourse to such medication only occasionally, but it was a great reassurance to have means to control severe attack peaks and avoid the successions of rough, sleepless nights that I'd had at times in 2004.

I really didn't want to use antipsychotics at all, but it was really somewhat necessary at that time that I keep a little stock of antipsychotic and be prepared to take a tablet either just before or soon after calling the Crisis Team, because that would avoid awkwardness with individuals who I was wanting to be supportive at that time, and who mostly automatically expected me to take some medication that a psychiatric consultant / doctor had prescribed or recommended for me. It was much more helpful for gaining supportiveness from the putative support person if I was able to answer the inevitable question as to what medication I was currently taking, to be able to say that although I wasn't taking ongoing medication (BAD!), I'd just taken a tablet of xxx to try to reduce the severity of the current attack, or would be taking a tablet of that when I went to bed. As things got better from me, from mid 2007 onwards, I didn't compromise so much, and no longer had anything to do with the antipsychotics, and was open about this and what my energy testing had indicated about their harmfulness, but would still take a Zopiclone tablet (NEVER again Nitrazepam or any other benzodiazepine type drug) at bedtime when the dark force was really seriously disturbing my sleep.

For a while I tried the herbal preparation called Kalms (containing valerian, hops and gentian extracts), but as far as I could tell it was more or less ineffective for what I was going through. One contra-indication I noted was that allegedly this herbal medication was reckoned not to have its alleged beneficial effect on sleep unless taken regularly (three times per day). That goes against the wisest policy - of keeping right off medication except for the occasional emergency situations. Many people have the mistaken notion that medication is fine as long is it is with natural products. The real point is that ongoing medication, whether natural or synthetic, is being used to try and reduce or eliminate symptoms and so to take attention away from the problem that is causing the symptoms. It therefore points us away from true healing, which latter would resolve the underlying issue(s).

By use of energy testing I've been able to establish that Haloperidol and Risperidone are much more harmful than is generally recognised. This is because a lot of their harmful effects aren't immediately apparent and may take months or years to show up, and then it would be very difficult for any medic to make a connection between the much earlier use of the drug and the developing problems in the person's physical and mental functioning. In my case the Risperidone was actually less harmful than the Haloperidol - but only because I was taking such a small dose of Risperidone that it wasn't really having a noticeable effect on me at all (it was more of a sop to the doctors and psychiatric healthcare services in order to avoid being forced to take anything stronger and more harmful still). In any case I did NOT take either drug in an ongoing manner as the latter people were all wanting me to - and now I'm particularly thankful that I didn't.

Concerning sleeping tablets, although no sleeping tablets are benign, Zopiclone is considerably less harmful long-term than the benzodiazepine family of drugs, including Nitrazepam, Temazepam and Diazepam, which latter three are very harmful indeed long-term (even when their use has been discontinued), and would be better wiped off the face of the Earth.

I understand that Kalms are also much more harmful long-term than people generally recognise. It's a popular fallacy that any 'natural' product is 'safe' and 'healthy' for us to ingest. Is Hemlock poison better for us if it's 'natural' or synthetic (with the magic label 'pharmaceutical')? Surely they'd both be equally toxic! Best by far to keep right out of the medication mindset, regardless of whether pharmaceutical or 'natural', and instead actually address and resolve the underlying cause of each problem.

I initiated a thorough clearance from my system of the accumulated harmful effects of these (and other) drugs and toxic substances by focused use of the Energy Egg and Guardian Angel, and, more recently, the much superior Clarity-Sphere, about which you can read more in Healing and Self Realization - The Safest and Quickest Way, Some Potent Self Realization / Healing Practices and The Clarity-Sphere - The Ultimate Healing Tool.

The only medication that I am keeping now (note that I say "keeping" and not "using") is Zopiclone; the rest have been discarded - no doubt a potential source of dismay for the doctors who'd been dealing with me, in their great non-wisdom!

Having a safety net

The dark force had been able to give me a particularly rough time because it was exploiting my solitary lifestyle and deep-seated pattern of isolation and loneliness, which readily weakened the grounding of my awareness and thus made me vulnerable to both deceptions and attacks from the dark force. It was quite dramatic how attacks fell away when I was hospitalized - not because of hospital medication but because I was away from the solitude of my flat and was then having ongoing contact with people who were at least to some extent supportive (I'm thinking here primarily of the lovely nurses rather than the doctors, who, especially in my first two hospitalizations, were so useless), and so I was becoming more grounded and getting a more 'outward' balance of my awareness and getting more sense of 'connectedness'. Another situation that I found to be attack-free was when I was staying at the Findhorn Foundation* - one week in June and two weeks in July 2005.

* This does not constitute any sort of recommendation, because, despite the multitude of tremendously good intentions in that community, everyone there (probably without exception) was being seriously deceived and misled by the dark force in all their diverse 'spiritual' paths and outlooks. Nothing there was pointing people to true self realization clear of dark force influences. So, although at the time my visit there seemed like some sort of step forward, in reality it was nothing more than a holiday, with some very nice people, which was educational for me in giving me more insights into the pervasiveness of the workings and deceptions of the dark force.

It's hardly a coincidence that it was ZM who had originally put me onto the idea of going to Findhorn. Indeed, he'd actually suggested that I go there to live, more or less permanently - apparently in some vague hope of his that in such an environment I'd be helped out of my 'dark force' interferences. However, as you'll read much further below, 'apparently' is the operative word, and I've much more recently established that there was an extremely sinister motivation in his recommendation of Findhorn to me.

However, hospital appeared not to be really what was required to deal with the crises, but simply somewhere to sleep out for a few nights with a friend or other supportive people around. I had no suitable friend to stay with, but when I had a crisis at the end of April 2005 I found that by contacting the psychiatric hospital's Crisis Resolution Team (CRT) I could be put out into respite care instead of having to go into hospital yet again, and indeed that was the option I took. That time I was away for just three nights, with no silly doctors, no drugs, and complete freedom to go out on unaccompanied walks. The CRT are wonderful people who recognise that many such crises are non-medical issues and so wherever possible they seek non-medical or at least non-hospital means of handling the crises that they are asked to help with.

It thus became an ongoing reassurance to me that, still in absence of any suitable friend to turn to for support, I had the safety net of the CRT to contact, should I have any further big peak of trauma emotion feelings that rose to crisis level. Having that reassurance actually made me feel more secure and thus less threatened when a peak of nasties did arise, consequently rendering such peaks less likely to reach crisis level in the first place.

However, on the basis of subsequent experience I eventually came to the conclusion that for me very brief hospitalizations were likely to be more effective than non-hospital respite care as I'd experienced it, because when I had the latter actually I was left on my own a lot, and although it was nice being free to go out on country walks in the vicinity, actually I didn't get so well grounded and the attacks still continued somewhat afterwards. My real need was for getting my awareness fully grounded and balanced, by having supportive people pretty closely around me all the time for a little while. I say this in the context that I'd developed a very positive and constructive relationship with the particular hospital nursing staff and doctors (even though there was such an awareness chasm, and thus an apparently unresolvable disagreement, between the the doctors and me).

The downside about the hospital 'route', though, was the potential for being forced to take a stronger medication rather than just a lip-service to keep the doctors quiet. Fortunately in my case I had already convinced the psychiatric doctors in 2004 that I really could 'recover' dramatically from a crisis with absolute minimum of medication (they couldn't get their heads around the notion that I'd do even better with no medication at all!).

The Crisis Resolution Team, in any case, remained my primary safety net, and when a crisis seemed to be developing and it looked as though I'd be denied sleep, I'd phone the Crisis Team and have a chat. Usually that was enough to defuse the attack and 'puncture' the developing crisis, but on two further occasions the Crisis Team people facilitated my admission to the Cedars hospital for short stays in order to reground and rebalance myself in the event of exceptionally severe crisis events. On another occasion (the spectacular February 2007 ordeal), when apparently there were no hospital beds available just then, two nice people from the Crisis Team periodically visited me for a few days, and that enabled me to get sufficiently rebalanced to get clear of that particular crisis.

Even in 2008 there were two main attempts by the dark force at creating crises for me, which were starting to get a bit disruptive, and so I yet again called the Crisis Team, but by then I had no cause to contemplate being admitted to hospital or respite care; just the odd chat on the phone was all that was needed to ground and balance my awareness just that little bit more, together with very powerful self immunization procedures using the Clarity-Sphere and the Grounding Post procedure.

Updates - Confusions progressively unravel,
and then comes the Great Turnaround

---

So far we have looked at my experiences simply as a potted narrative about my being taken through major adversities by the dark force, and how I was gradually getting myself clearer of those interferences and attacks.

Now it's time to examine in a little more depth what was going on and see how I'm now using the information that I gained from my 'armchair detective' work in an apparently unique way, even to the extent of using an experimental completely new method that, theoretically at least, could right now be progressively bringing about the dissolution of the entire dark force.

...Turning the tables on the dark force and dissolving it? Could anyone ever really do such a thing? -- Well, there's one and only one way to find out - and that's to do some careful 'homework' and then have a try at it. But beware - this man contains more than a trace of nuts - two whole ones, to be precise! DO NOT EAT!

"Are you sitting comfortably? -- Then I'll continue..."

Why did all this happen to ME?

Neither I nor anyone can know absolutely why all that was happening to me, nor indeed the 100% definite reason for anything. Nonetheless, writing this note later, while I'm apparently in a very late stage of clearing out the dark force interference, I've come to have a particular understanding of what is most likely to be the case, and it will undoubtedly be disturbing reading for many people, for what was happening was very sinister indeed, and more so than just a bit of mayhem and disruption in my life.

My current 'reading' of the situation  - not channelled but, as far as I can tell, coming to me from deep levels of my own consciousness, and supported by my energy testing, is as follows. There appeared to be three related agendas for me, all coming from the dark force. These were:

• To stop me from becoming a significant disseminator of insights and means to enable people to clear themselves of dark force influence and get out of religion and so-called spiritual paths and into true and comprehensive self realization (which would make people totally free from and invulnerable to such interference).

  The dark force could detect at about the time of my birth that I had an exceptionally powerful 'freedom' energy that appeared to be a threat to the working of its intrinsic programming to keep interfering with all people in ways that would maintain the very existence of the dark force*. Any person who puts up a full-frontal challenge to its agenda is, in its control-oriented view, somebody who must be stopped at all costs. But additionally the dark force almost certainly had 'read' my particular life purpose to actually seek to find out the true nature of the dark force and take effective measures to 'destroy' it.

  * I explain about this in 'Astral Entities' - Interference and Attacks from 'The Dark Side'. I had originally written here of the dark force having plans to take control of the whole human race, but, while the situation can indeed be 'read' like that, one is then left with an unanswered question as to why it is so unremittingly fixated on gaining such control
  

  Once you regard the dark force as being just thought-form 'programming' that is, just as a result of a natural selection process, programmed to do whatever will maintain its existence, rather than there being actual aware beings having an actual desire to control, you have a much more helpful angle on the whole situation, which leaves no major questions unresolved and also points to the most effective remedial measures for us to take.

  However, I subsequently found out that the situation is less straightforward, because the astral thought forms are working in tandem with the cacoprotean network, which appears to be the real primary aspect of the dark force, and that network would certainly be controlled by programming to keep seeking to expand the network (i.e. always seeking to gain new members, by means fair or (normally) foul), both to directly perpetuate itself (after all, people do inconsiderately go and die), and to eliminate the possible threats from people who are outside its control.

• To get my awareness so poorly grounded (by means of all the ordeals, attacks and supposedly disorientating tricks and deceptions) that it could get a particular pre-programmed and very powerful 'lost' human soul attached to me as a sort of partial walk-in, so that the dark force could then control me through that attached 'lost' soul. As far as I can tell so far, the dark force's aim was to get me functioning as a prominent and charismatic 'spiritual' teacher like Sai Baba, a prominent and quite widely revered 'spiritual' teacher in India who is also quite widely known to be working hand-in-hand with 'the dark side' (performing 'miracles' is an immediate sign of this, though there are many other matters such as his putting psychic attacks on people who he's aware can 'see through' his act) - but I'd most likely have been even more overtly 'dark' in my practices than he is.

  Because of my sharp intellect I was seen as potentially a particularly powerful and desirable puppet teacher of 'the dark arts' - but because of my inner freedom and independence of mind, this couldn't happen without my having a particularly powerful partial walk-in or spirit attachment to control me and ensure that I was responsive to the dark force's lures with depraved sexual attractions to keep me firmly and unwaveringly on the 'dark path'.

  Actually, I'm pretty sure that if the entities had managed to get that particular 'lost' soul installed in my system (as a partial walk-in), which I understand would have been more difficult to remove than the standard parasitic 'lost' souls that I did have, almost certainly it wouldn't have worked as the dark force had been striving for, because I'd have had the clarity to realize that something was very wrong, and I'd have thus had a rough time of it through the inner conflicts and would have been actively seeking assistance and also redoubling my efforts to find the most effective self healing and entity clearance methods. So, it's extremely unlikely that I'd have actually become any really effective puppet for 'the dark side' even then. Perhaps, then, the real purpose of a partial walk-in for me would have been simply to render me 'broken' (an intractable 'psychiatric case') and thus harmless to the dark force agenda.

  Please also see Partial Walk-ins - How the 'dark forces' nearly nobbled me.

• To kill me by means of particular psychic attack strategies from actual people who were themselves strongly dark force controlled, so getting me right out of the way. This quite soon became the foremost agenda, because the dark force had repeatedly failed to get me loaded with a partial walk-in or spirit attachment, and without that I would be too free and would almost certainly be a major threat to its agenda and possibly its very existence.

  Paranoia, you guess? -- Well, read on and see what you make of this...

Now the scary bit - What I was really up against

This section starts with the long account that I'd already written at this point on this page, of the extremely strange and increasingly disturbing series of dealings that I'd had with 'ZM' (not his real initials, but the initials of his 'angel name'), the maker of the sacred geometry wands that I'd been using. Then I go on to show how my deeper delving into this matter led to a fuller and even more sinister understanding of what was really going on, with major global significance. But then, further, I go on to show how, once I was armed with that knowledge, there were mind-bogglingly simple things that I could apparently try out in order to start addressing the situation...

I have already referred to ZM, who made the sacred geometry wands. He has figured quite a bit in my story, and is a very instructive example of how people who believe they are healers and lightworkers, and who work with supposed higher beings and 'higher' energies are actually ALL working with the dark force and are NOT the sort of people to go to at all for genuine and safe healing, free from the risk of picking up entities or dark force connections, or indeed compounding one's own extant problems with them.

Let's bring together here a summary of the various problems ZM brought me - and the increasingly strange and highly problematical ways he was behaving towards me, which show that he had some very serious problem of his own relating to me, and this was not just a matter of some petty personality clash between the two of us. Owing to the seriousness of my findings about him, I am not going to publicly speculate about his conscious intentions for me, and to what extent they were (and indeed are) benign or harmful - though my energy testing from his own deepest aspects in late 2008 has given me some interesting indications on that matter. The real problem was the dark force sourced agenda that he was (and presumably still is) caught up in, and which was controlling him and blocking his awareness of the fullness of what was really going on. ZM's own dark force interference and strongly controlling partial walk-in would not have shared any good intentions that he did consciously have, and played their very major part in the untoward events that he was made to precipitate.

• The sacred geometry wands that ZM made for me were all disruptive to my energy system in specific ways that were progressively increasing my vulnerability to the dark force, in addition to their having a general ungrounding effect - though I didn't know that this was the case till I took up energy testing in May 2007. I started using my first of those wands in August 2003, and had more of them over the following few months. As already noted, it was in October 2003 that I started channelling and my big troubles with 'astral entities' started.

• When ZM visited me in December 2003 to deliver a couple of wands, I told him about the plan from my 'guidance' that I was meant to change my name to Melchior Elias as part of my supposed transition into being effectively a 'spiritual' world leader of sorts, and asked him if he was able to get any information about the significance of that name. He paused for a little, then a very deep laugh started coming out from him, with what could have been taken for a look and sound of surprise if not astonishment. Through that sort-of 'astonished' laughter he said something like "Well, Philip! You've got a mighty big surprise coming to you!", then repeating that but not elaborating. He had nothing to say about the name apart from its being "from some very ancient source".

  For some reason (presumably my own dark force interference) I felt it wasn't appropriate for me to ask ZM to elaborate on that 'big surprise', which was left in the air to imply either that the alleged world leadership scenario (or something a bit like it) was real and relatively imminent, or, maybe, simply that I was going to find that all this big plan for me was going to be shown to be more deception (and of course in the event it was, but that was no surprise at all for me!).

  What that episode shows me clearly is that, however unwittingly, ZM was very much involved with the very same sources or influences that were playing such big tricks on me then, and were about to unleash upon me all the hellish attacks that started just a few weeks later. If he knew that I was being misled by the dark force, then why didn't he tell me, and indeed give some practical guidance for clearing myself of the problem? It was as though he actually believed some sort of big 'world-shaking' story about some supposed destiny for me. Significantly, Mark Cox*, another local healer who was very 'psychic' had given me a 'reading' some two months earlier and had channelled a categorical prediction that by Christmas I'd be clear of all my emotional issues and would then be fully clairvoyant, clairaudient and clairsentient, and would have all sorts of special powers, and thereafter would be known throughout the world and would be travelling and lecturing all over the world... Wow! So, clearly the dark force agenda for me was coming through other people and was not just a story that was coming into my own mind because of something that was 'wrong' about me.**

  * It is no doubt no coincidence that Mark had a fixation on communicating with 'guides', 'ascended masters' and other 'higher beings', and on 'working with energy' - as I understand it now, all potent indicators of strong dark force involvement. Also, on the occasion of an encounter with him in late 2008, when I told him something of my findings relating to the actual dark force source of the supposed higher beings that he was involving himself with, and my having developed the Clarity-Sphere, he went into a blatant patronizing defensive reaction, soon breaking off our conversation, telling me he didn't trust me because I was mentally unstable, as (purportedly) evidenced by my having been in psychiatric hospital and my having "believed" that I was going to be transferred into a new body, and that "You need help, mate! You need help!" (as he got on his bike and hurriedly cycled away, huffy and tight-faced).
  

  His 'smearing' me with particular aspects of my dark force tribulations was remarkably reminiscent of a particular communication that I had in 2007 from ZM (quoted much further below) - and just coincidentally, Mark had at times during 2008 been doing some sort of joint work with - guess who! - ZM!

  ** Note that well, the people who claim that the 'entities' or dark force are just creations of my own (implicitly 'sick') mind!

  Of course it could be that ZM had actually picked up that I was going to get all those attacks that were to start happening just a few weeks later, and those were the 'big surprise' he was referring to - but that doesn't square with the laughing way he was contemplating whatever that 'big surprise' was meant to be, and also the fact that he gave me neither warning nor practical advice about how I might avert or clear myself of the problem*. Neither does it square with his happily allowing me on that occasion to give him some hands on healing for a recent injury of his and also to give him an attunement to the (actually harmful) symbol that I'd then recently channelled, and which had at that time been called 'the new OM'. Now, if ZM had had any concerns then that what was happening for me was coming at all from 'the dark side', is it likely that he would have allowed me to do any 'energy work' on him at all, let alone give him an attunement to a symbol that I'd channelled?

  * The one exception, of course, would have been if he had been experiencing a certain gleefulness at the prospect of me shortly coming to great harm - clearly not something one would expect of a healer and lightworker!

  Another significant detail during that December 2003 visitation from ZM was that he told me in response to a question of mine that he was a member of the Galactic Brotherhood of Light. I now understand that the latter is one of the extremely serious and harmful deceptions of the dark force to lure people into linking together both with other people and with the dark force posing as various higher beings to further the dark force agenda of getting people massively ungrounding themselves and ensnaring themselves in astral realms (illusory realities), concerning the purported Network of Light around the planet and the myth of human 'ascension'. Nowadays it's my clear understanding that any such preoccupation identifies a person as being extremely harmful or dangerous for people in general.

  As you'll read quite a bit further below, there is an additional, and particularly sinister significance of his involvement with the Galactic Brotherhood of Light and the Network of Light.

• During 2004, on the odd occasion when I mentioned the attacks to ZM, he seemed strangely distant from the notion that they were attacks at all, simply claiming that it was all just part of my "accelerated healing process". On an occasion in April of that year, as already noted, after I'd learnt from another healer that the trouble I was getting (claimed to be tests upon me by ascended masters) was actually attacks from 'astral beings', and then had a 'healing' from her, supposedly to clear the 'beings', but which simply ungrounded me further, I asked ZM for assistance, and he gave basically two sessions as follows.

  The first session was done remotely, and for that he directed me to gather up every single crystal in my flat and have them evenly arranged immediately around the space where I would be lying on the floor - all of them pointing inwards, at me. That was a lot of crystals, including a fair number of Lemurian seed crystals. He then switched on a particular electronic device of his, which, he said, by means of his intent he was focusing on me, so that its entity-removal energies would come to me through all those crystals, and this would seal all the 'entities' out of my system.

  Following that I still had the 'entities', and he said he'd keep another electronic device tuned to me and left running for some longish spells, and it would work on me in my everyday life without my having to lie down or have crystals pointing at me.
  

  As I still had the 'entities' (i.e. the interferences and the attack feelings), I next went to visit him for a guided 'do it yourself' session with his modified Zapper (an electronic device that I now know to be extremely harmful to a person's 'energy system'), which he said absolutely no entities could resist. I had no signs of the 'entities' going, and indeed by that time the sustained attack (with nightmarish feelings at the solar plexus) was increasing more markedly as I felt abandoned to some unthinkable fate with these 'entities', which nobody seemed able to clear or even properly recognise. ZM did, however, very 'kindly' lend me his modified Zapper, which I used daily over the next few weeks - actually considerably harming my energy system each time and making myself still more vulnerable to the dark force and its 'entities' manifestations.

  There was one extraordinary thing ZM said to me during that visit, which suggested something major and relevant that he was not willing to tell me about. In response to my expressing concern about my 'entity' situation, which then was feeling to be very menacing to my continued very existence, he retorted in a fraught and seemingly doom-laden tone something like "Never mind that! That's nothing to the problem that I'm having to face at the moment!". Well, seeing that my own issue was beginning to look potentially life threatening for me, how could his issue, whatever it was, be so much worse still? What an extraordinary and unprofessional thing for anyone calling themselves a 'healer' to come out with to somebody who's in real trouble and seeking their assistance! But, more importantly, I had a strong intuition that the problem that he mentioned was something that really was necessary for me to know about, but which he was keeping from me.

  From my much clearer 2008 perspective I've been able to use energy testing to get a good idea of what had actually been going on then. The story I've pieced together (I remind here that any information that I've gained through energy testing is simply a useful hypothesis and thus cannot be wisely taken as categorical fact) is that actually ZM was believing the dark force's big lie about my supposedly being destined almost imminently to become some great leader for 'Humanity' in their transition for 'ascension' into the 5th dimension (the 'ascension' myth being one of his very openly expressed beliefs). He had thus become tremendously worried and was feeling something akin to anguish and desperation as he saw me struggling with 'the dark forces' and saw the whole supposed Higher Plan for Humanity, which had a quite specific timetable (as it would, for it itself was from the 'dark side', which is all about control and not free choice), being seriously threatened.
  

  So, that and nothing else that I can think of would explain nicely his strange remark. If you bear in mind now the above-described postulated belief of ZM's as you continue to read below, you will see how it can also explain the other strange developments that unfolded. However, as you will read further below, there was more to it than that...

  Over the day or two following that visit to him the attack built up to give me the most dangerous crisis I have ever had - when I came nearest to a partial walk-in becoming possible. And no wonder, considering all the great ungrounding and energy-system-weakening work on me that ZM had been doing!

• A little later in 2004 ZM delivered the Higher Galactic and Advanced Higher Galactic wands. Contrary to any understanding that he'd gained from his bogus, dark force, 'guidance', in important respects these were exceptionally powerful energy-system destroyers. In other words they were particularly powerful at further disrupting my energy system to make me still more vulnerable to the dark force. So, in retrospect, further major crises could be seen to be inevitable, and they came with a vengeance in October and late November and into December that year.

  
  
  The Higher Galactic (top) and Advanced Higher Galactic wands -
  things I needed like a great big hole in the head.

• In early January 2005, in the aftermath of those big crises in late 2004 that had twice landed me in hospital, I'd decided to keep closed to any inner voice or 'guidance', assuming that this would put me back in full command of my life - but new waves of attack came to me, and things really got to feeling a bit desperate. I telephoned ZM a few times then, and once again he seemed to be hiding important information. He claimed to be looking at my energy system, and said, yes, there were a few "astral beings" there, but, he said, they were nothing to be concerned about and were completely harmless as long as I ignored them.

  N.B. As already mentioned, I know now that so-called 'astral beings' cannot be seen - all the more so as they are illusory and are not true entities in the first place - and so, whatever he was seeing was simply what the dark force was showing him (i.e. for its own purposes of further deception).

  In the light of the hellish attacks I was getting then, while doing a pretty good job of ignoring the 'entities' (considering the circumstances!), that latter counsel from ZM seemed quite bizarre. ZM also told me I'd been overdoing my use of the wands (understatement of the millennium!) and it would be wise to put them away for just a little, because, he said, what certain of them had been doing was to be very powerfully healing old past life traumas of mine, and it was the energies of those traumas that were getting freed up and were surfacing more quickly than I could handle. So, in other words, the hellish intense feelings I was repeatedly experiencing were just part of my healing process and not to be seen as attacks from 'entities'.

  As well as the matter of putting the wands away for just a little, ZM's repeated advice to me in those telephone conversations was to use the so-called Brain Balancing Essence that I had, and also the Healing Essence - but he emphasized particularly the Brain Balancing Essence. These were from a full set of ZM's so-called Vibrational Essences - something like 10 or 11 of them - that I had bought from him a bit earlier. Of course 'vibrational' is New-Age-speak, which would be enough to make any person with well grounded awareness and some plain good sense to be very circumspect indeed. The idea was that each essence carried a particular 'vibration' or 'energy programming' that related to its intended healing or 'spiritually advancing' purpose.

  So, in my desperate situation and clutching at straws, for a while I used that Brain Balancing essence daily. Indeed, I used it in what I intuited would be a more effective way than the 'official' one (of drinking a glass of water to which a few drops of the essence had been added). What I did was to circle the little bottle of the essence nine times around my head in one direction, then nine times in the other direction. Because the effective ingredient was simply programming and not any chemical constituent, this would actually be more effective than ingesting the stuff, and of course would conserve it so that I didn't have to buy any more. However, I did feel a certain resistance against using it, and used it at all only because I felt so desperate about what was happening to me, and because I was still trusting ZM, even though by then I had little niggling reservations. In the event, after a week or so with no obvious improvement I lost interest in those essences and they just sat there on a shelf.

  ZM also told me at that time that I would have cleared all my emotional and karmic material by October that year, and in the meantime all I needed to do was "live simply, take things easily, and just let it all wash over you like a movie". Well, being enlightened, I'd been having ongoing intensive practice in being peaceful observer of whatever happened to me - but the attacks were still greatly intense enough to be disrupting my life! There were things about ZM's words that just didn't add up, and it sounded as though something were going on that he was still hiding from me.

  My more recent 'reading', based on my energy testing, is that in fact ZM at that time well saw that the "astral beings" were causing me mayhem and giving me all the attacks, and that the attacks were not at all part of my healing process - and indeed he was dismayed at what he could see was going on. However, his 'guidance', which was really 'more of the same' - i.e. the dark force posing as higher beings - advised him not to tell me what he could see (which would have been at least distorted anyway) and instead to tell me the story that I relate above, about the nasty experiences being part of my healing process and having become so intense because of overuse of the sacred geometry wands.
  

  My understanding is that his 'guidance' gave him the lie that it was necessary for my own 'growth' that I be left to resolve that issue all on my own, without outside assistance. That, along with the dark force sourced 'broken leader for Humanity' scenario would explain so much of ZM's increasingly strange behaviour towards me - though, as we shall see further below, there was an important bit more to it than that.

•  At the end of March 2005, when he came to deliver another custom sacred geometry wand - what he referred to as my 'personal' wand, of which more further below - he gave me a 'healing' that was powerful only in terms of the harm it did for me, for the connections from what were claimed to be higher energies that ZM made within my energy system were actually connections and energy pathways that allowed the dark force further hold on and access to me. I didn't know about that at the time, but I did feel that there was something untoward in the 'energy' of his prior communications about that healing*, when it was being arranged. It wasn't intended directly as an entity removal, but was just all this connecting up to what he was calling 'higher' and 'Galactic' energies. There was something he did during that session, together with his briefly whispered chanting of something like "cum sancto spiritu", that gave me a strong impression that he was thinking right then that I was irretrievably possessed by 'dark forces', and through giving me that session he was all but writing me off - and I could feel an atmosphere from him that seemed to be of both sorrow and desperation combined.

  * I got the fanciful feeling even then from those communications, that it was as though this was some sort of unpleasant final chore for him relating to me, that he wanted to get over and done with, and then to 'get the hell out' and keep well away from me.

• Meanwhile, before the time of that healing, I'd enquired to him about my possibly getting onto one or more of his workshops, with the aim of eventually getting on his Universal Mastership workshop (from which you apparently get a certificate to say that you are a Universal Master). Yes, do laugh, as I laugh now! Universal Mastership in a total of some three workshops, with lots of attunement and connection to various so-called ascended masters and Kwan Yin and other purported higher beings - ALL of which I now clearly understand to be bogus, and manifestations of the dark force! Something to keep very, very well clear of! You see how gullible I'd become, with my poorly grounded awareness!
  

  ZM, however, frustrated that wish of mine, saying that he wanted a bit of time to think about what the most appropriate workshop would be for me - and when he did come up with it, it was something completely different: a two-day one-to-one field workshop (which was to prove quite expensive for me financially) in which he would drive me to various supposedly 'energy active' places like Stonehenge, Avebury and Glastonbury, and he'd guide me in sensing energies and "doing Earth energy work". This radical departure from what I actually enquired to him about was allegedly because I needed to put my attention on "living simply" and grounding myself, and, according to him, doing Earth energy work would greatly help me with my grounding.

  Although I could see some logic in what he said, and I well understand the crucial need then for me to get more grounded, again I felt that he was holding off from telling me important truths, and I felt uncomfortable in being manipulated and 'guided' like that without proper explanation. It felt demeaning and very disempowering. Also, I felt an intuitive warning signal from within myself about this 'earth energy work', and indeed I'd always had such intuitive inner warning signals triggered by any thought of so-called Earth energies, ley lines, energy points and so forth. Also, I felt a distinct cautionary inner 'nudging', to the effect that that wasn't how one really would ground oneself anyway, and that sinister possibilities would be opened up by connecting with these so-called Earth energies. I felt this too, when I'd been reading scary things in books by Chris Thomas, a well intentioned but seriously dark force led and deceived psychic surgeon who I'd had previous dealings with, about people working with and manipulating 'Earth energies'.

  The workshop was just two weeks after the abovementioned very harmful 'healing' session, and I was pretty well constantly under attack from the 'astral entities' with very nasty feelings that combined fear, anxiety and panic energies in various combinations. ZM guided me through burying sets of crystals (all of which I paid him good money for) in the ground in crude merkaba configurations at certain 'energy points' such as at Stonehenge and Avebury, and connecting each of those buried crystal / merkaba configurations to the new sacred geometry wand that he'd supplied to me, so that, according to him, every time I used it on myself I'd get powerful healing and grounding from all those energy configurations that I'd created, and indeed from the particular Earth energy points themselves. Plugged in to Stonehenge - Wow! This didn't feel right to me, but I went along with it as, I desperately assumed, if ZM were telling me the true situation, it would help me with this 'entities' issue that was so pressing. [The italics have been added in hindsight...]

  As part of that workshop, ZM provided me with six chunky quartz crystals (paid for by me as part of the cost of the workshop), which, he said, were special because he'd actually connected them energetically with the Great Pyramid (believed to be on an immensely powerful Earth energy point), and he explained to me how to use them in my self healing lie-downs, so that I'd have them in six-pointed star formation around me - pointing towards me for healing and pointing away from myself for grounding*. Plugged in to a particular one of the Great Pyramids for my self healing - Wow!
  

  * 'Ere we go again! Grounding? -- Not on your bloody nelly! Even then I always felt dubious about that and hardly ever had those crystals pointing outwards from around me. In my book, crystals pointing outwards like that, if they were doing anything at all with regard to grounding, they would be UNgrounding me! My retrospective energy testing indicates clearly that the crystals' prime action when pointing towards me was to deliver to me whatever 'goodies' (i.e. supposed Earth energies) they were connected to, and when pointing away from me they were indeed increasing my ungrounding and also doing other disruptive things in my 'energy system'.

  I used them during two such lie-downs daily for much of the rest of that year, so further ungrounding myself and weakening my energy system.

  It's time for me to explain here that my energy testing nowadays indicates clearly that the whole concept of non-physical Earth energies, at least as understood by people in the New Age movement and all manner of paganistic and metaphysical traditions and belief systems, is a fiction given to them by the dark force to further the latters' aims both to get people ungrounding themselves and to get them nicely entangled in more astral realms (illusory realities). For a person who believes in such Earth energies and ley lines and so forth, those energies do appear to be real and cause various effects, but I must stress here that they are 'real' ONLY within any astral realms that people have created with their beliefs. Those astral realms contain realistic-seeming replicas of the Earth, so that almost universally people would not recognise that they were at least partly within one. It is thus extremely harmful to believe in such Earth energies as objectively real - and the need, for your own safety, is to keep completely clear of all such concepts and let go of any sense of fascination with the subject.
  

  I particularly warn that the astral realms in which those Earth energies appear to be active are ones in which people readily get involved in 'dark' practices and harness those supposed Earth energies for extremely problematical purposes - and, in so doing, get themselves very deeply ensnared by the dark force. That is what was going on for the ancient human civilizations who thought they were working with those energies, and that's what all the standing stones and other seemingly 'esoteric' ancient structures were about. You can read more about astral realms in 'Astral Entities' - Interference and Attacks from 'The Dark Side'.

  So, the workshop that ZM had given me had actually done nothing for my healing, self realization, nor indeed the very grounding that ZM had been claiming that the whole workshop was tailored for, and instead it had very strongly added to my ungrounding - not only further ungrounding my awareness but also undermining the grounding of my whole being, and thus rendering me still more open and vulnerable to the dark force!

  Fortunately, however, there was a big constraint upon the amount of damage that my experiences in ZM's workshop, or its actually highly sinister aftermath (of which I write more further below) could do to me. For me to achieve anything much of the supposed grounding and healing from all those new "Earth" connections (i.e. massive ungrounding and furtherance of the dark force's harmful agenda for me, including linking me up energetically worldwide to people who were into 'dark' practices) it would have been necessary for me to actually believe in Earth energies, ley lines, power points and all that, because they are 'real' only in astral realms created by people's belief in them.

  The catch was that although I'd taken on the notion of Earth energies, that belief was only very superficial, and, more fundamentally, I still was holding no belief about anything, and indeed still felt an underlying circumspection about the whole subject of supposed Earth energies. Thus I had only a weak connection with any astral realms involving Earth energies, and so the potentially extremely adverse effects from the Earth connections made to the six quartz crystals and to one of my sacred geometry wands were absolutely minimal, and the main adverse effects were just from the crystals and the wand - though the latter in particular was extremely harmful in its own right. (Indeed, as I have subsequently determined, 'extremely harmful' is putting it politely! More about that further below.)

• Two weeks after that workshop the dark force launched on me another crisis-level attack.

• It was about the time of that April 2005 workshop that ZM started emphasizing to me more repetitively that my prime need was to "live simply - very simply" and just not to worry myself about anything - and, additionally, he recommended that I explore the possibility of going off to live in the Findhorn Community, where I would be able to "live simply" - an expression he repeated a lot at me, almost as though it were some sort of mantra. When I asked him how I could live still more simply than I was already living, he just repeated the mantra or slightly changed the subject, so that no clarification was given.

  Even then this had a troublesome and even sinister ring about it, for his tone and the evasive repetition of the 'live simply' mantra spoke of something overridingly important concerning me that he was stonewalling on telling me. The subtext that I felt very much was "You are cast out from the Higher Plan for Humanity, and you might as well go off somewhere out of my / our way to live your final years not causing us any trouble, and to die quietly right out of our way". The patronization that I felt from him was really quite sickening to experience, and felt greatly disempowering - though as you're no doubt well aware by now, I have a certain way of taking such disempowering influences as prompts and stimuli to 'gird my loins' and open up my own inner power and clarity still further, so I was determined that, at least over time, I'd find out what this was really about.

  In fact, with all due caution and circumspection I did visit the Findhorn community for two separate stays, one of one week and then one of two weeks, during the summer of 2005, and, although I gained in various ways from those visits, I concluded tentatively that that sort of community life would not be really helpful for me long term - not least because nearly everyone there had a lesser depth of awareness than my own, and also all their various beliefs would have been a real drag for me, especially a particularly (to me) 'wonky' fixation on 'angels', and also actually quite a lot of really quite non-enlightened in-community personal power politics.

  I still didn't see, however, how I could live significantly more simply than I was already doing in Exeter - short of 'going back to Nature', of course! ZM's cryptic "Live simply!" mantra was bugging me, for I wanted to know what was really underlying it.

• Meanwhile, by the time of the April 2005 workshop I'd had on order from ZM for some time two more sacred geometry wands - one of them a second Archangel Michael wand and the other a Metatron wand (which would be ZM's first wand purportedly connecting to the supposed angel or archangel Metatron). At or about the time of the workshop, ZM told me that the wands were almost ready, but his 'guidance' was that it would be for my 'highest good' if I didn't have them physically here with me, but instead let him take them with him on a forthcoming trip to Israel and bury them there at a particularly powerful Earth energy point, having first made an energy connection between both of them and my extant Archangel Michael wand, so that through that wand I would get the energy from both of them and the supposed Earth energy point - and thus supposedly I'd get a whole lot more grounding.

  
  My custom 'Archangel Michael' wand - an instrument 
  of the dark force and nothing truly positive at all.
  Further below you can read what was the real purpose
  of those purported energy connections to this wand.

  I can't say I really liked the idea at all, even then, but was still assuming then that his own 'guidance' was genuine, and so I acquiesced in that arrangement, then paying for the wands as effectively 'supplied and delivered'.

  I never got any impression of enhanced energy from my extant Archangel Michael wand, and indeed at that time I ceased even to feel its original quite distinct and pleasant-feeling energy [Further below I explain just why this was...], and later that year I e-mailed ZM to ask if he had buried those wands yet, and if so, where they were. His answer (quoted here without editing) was evasive, as follows:

  The wands are in a place that is grounding your energies so they are at work for you on all levels of your soul.

  The focus I feel is to work on your present live and anchor all that is of highest wisdom for you and  to move you into your a place of inner understanding so you are at peace with your self at all times.

  What patronizing 'lightworker-speak' gobbledygook! It was clear that there was indeed something untoward going on, and I couldn't for ever keep giving ZM the benefit of the doubt. I wrote back to him, gently questioning him about what was going on, asking him if there was some good reason why I shouldn't know where the wands were, and asking him for an explanation of his cryptic and evasive communications at various times during that year. That was in November 2005, and he didn't reply.

  I wrote again in April 2006, saying I was a bit concerned at his cryptic and evasive behaviour towards me and his non-reply to my previous message - though I was then rather going into denial and just reporting to him on the beneficial effects of my having taken up The Work. This time he did reply, as follows (again completely unedited):

  Yes it's been an age since we communicated.
  
  Reason for not replying is that I had worked with you to the point that I could do nothing for you but send you love from here.  It is part of your self-mastery to work with what ever challenges come your way on your life path.  God has let us create our own reality but giving us the power.  We are learning to go within our soul and find what it is we need to achieve self-mastery.  It's all about finding balance.
  
  I send you love and light in your journey.

  In other words not only further patronizing evasion and 'lightworker-speak' gobbledygook but also an implicit "That's it - goodbye for good!". And of course no word about those wands, about which I'd asked again.

  Actually the two messages from ZM quoted above are quite scary for me to read now (in 2008) in retrospect. They are scary because what he is describing in both of those is not any sort of enlightened or 'fully healed' state, nor at all the clarity of enlightenment nor true self realization, but an extremely harmful astral realm (illusory reality) - just the sort of thing that the dark force seeks to get us into in order for us to become fully ensnared by the dark force so that it can then get on with programming us for the horrendous sort of 'captive' future as described in 'Astral Entities' - Interference and Attacks from 'The Dark Side'. I can only surmise that ZM is already well entrenched within such an astral realm himself (no doubt in which the fictitious 'ascension' scenario appears to be real), and so is already well and truly in the hands of the dark force.
  

  And ZM was seeking to persuade me that I needed to be in that astral realm too! Just as well that I intuitively knew there was something wrong about what he wrote in those messages, even though I didn't then know about the astral realm aspect or the 'dark side' involvement in it.

  Actually, as from the time of my further energy testing on the situation, which I relate further below, I now find the above two messages even more scary to read, because they both read very well as a figurative euphemism for me being dead.

  Actually, even now ZM could get out of that astral realm and become clear of his likely very nasty long-term fate, by the simple means of taking up the self realization methodologies that I nowadays promote on this website, including, especially, ongoing use of a Clarity-Sphere. They are powerful at dissolving astral realms and indeed ALL dark force interferences and connections - and would also enable him to progressively free himself from his dark force sourced programming that has resulted from his dark force directed soul reincarnation process, for he is a soul reincarnation, not a no-soul incarnation as I am, and would have work to do in order to get into a similar state to my own, free from dark force captivity. True enlightenment and self realization would then become really possible for him, which, as he is at the moment, they are not.

  I then let things ride till mid December 2006. By that time, although still being confused by the dark force, I was gaining distinctly more clarity, thanks to my ongoing use of The Work and, from July 2006 onwards, an Energy Egg, and from September 2006 onwards a 'Guardian Angel' (about which you can read more in Healing and Self Realization - The Safest and Quickest Way).

• So, in mid December 2006 I wrote to ZM again, gently pointing out that I didn't seem to be getting any special energy from those two wands that he was keeping on my behalf, and so if it were reasonably possible for him to do so I would appreciate his recovering them and actually providing them to me physically, so that I could then decide whether to keep them for use or to pass them on to somebody else. I'd already decided by then that some of the wands were no longer serving a useful purpose for me, though at that stage I didn't know that they were all actually harmful.

  He didn't reply to that, and on 22nd January 2007 I wrote again, expressing concern at his strange and evasive behaviour towards me and telling him that the conclusion I was left to draw about the two wands that I'd paid for (it must have been close to £400) but he hadn't supplied was that he had never buried them in the first place, and had come up with that story about burying them just to avoid me receiving those wands, which he believed I might dangerously misuse (seeing me as possessed by 'dark forces'). I emphasized that I no longer had use for the wands but I did want to resolve the mucky energy balance between him and me as he'd taken my money and not supplied the goods, and if I had them I could maybe sell them to a suitable person; otherwise I'd like my money back.

  He did reply that time - just to say he'd been away abroad and was going off somewhere else abroad the following day, so would reply when he returned. His actual reply then came on 9th February, in these terms (again this is verbatim, with no editing):

  Sorry for the delay.  I'll pick up the wands and drop them off to you in person in the next couple of weeks as I am busy with projects so please don't worry about it.  I will drop the off in person because this will close the matter finally.
  
  I have been working only for your highest good on all levels.  After I have dropped off the wands to you I will have no further contact with you.  Also I want you to take off your web site any connection to me or my work.

  So, although, apparently, then, he was going to try to put some sort of closure on the simple business matter of those two wands, it was again a complete stonewalling about what was going on - and clearly something major was going on, which was of material concern for me. Although I did then remove from my site the page dedicated to sacred geometry wands (by then I was getting considerably more doubtful as to their real value in healing work), I most certainly was not going to have him dictate as to what I had on my site, and I retained some references to his wands and his work (e.g. on this page), and indeed as time went by and I gained clarity I added more and more about him and his work, which showed it all up in a way that he, I'm sure, would be dismayed to see. You don't muck around with a true self realized, clear-minded individual and expect him to put his tail between his legs and cower under a table when he is bullshitted! No! If something is untoward, this one will speak out and say so (provided of course that it is for the ultimate good of all involved)! 

  On 19th March ZM e-mailed just to say that he'd let me know soon when he was ready to deliver the wands, and I took that as a cue to explain to him further just how problematical it was, that he was completely stonewalling on my requests, actual and implied, for an explanation of his strange behaviour towards me, including his now evidently wanting to cut off all contact with me once I had those wands. This prompted the following extraordinary outburst from him - supposedly a healer and 'lightworker' (again, verbatim, with no editing):

  Just a couple of wordsas I not interested in exchanging e-mails with you.
  
  In short I have no interest what so ever in any exchange.  Nothing to do with compassion or helping you.
  
  As I explaned in an earlier e-mail that I wanted no contact with you at all.
  
  I have now picked up your wands and decided not to drop them off in person so you will get them in the post.  I have cleaned them up as best I can for you and this not finished the matter.
  
  I don't want you to contact me again.

  Well, apart from the extraordinary nature of that communication, I noted that he talked of cleaning the wands up, implying that they had indeed been buried, and thus was bemused as to why he'd been so evasive about telling me whether / where they were buried.

  N.B. You notice how his spelling and articulacy has deteriorated? It's almost as though he were in some sort of extreme emotional state when writing it, and were absolutely frantic or desperate to have me completely gone from his own life experience. It would fit very nicely any "Philip Goddard the monster" hypothesis about his own perception of me - based on the premise that he was actually terrified of me because I was supposed to have long been dead now, and yet was showing clear signs of getting stronger and clearer by the day.
  

  Also, I had a gut feeling that the wands might have been given seriously harmful programming, and, if that were the case, I could well understand that he'd want to turn his back on me completely and not know of anything that might befall me then - and also maybe he was wanting to keep right out of the way of any possible Police inquiry concerning me having come to some sort of sticky end.... Just fanciful imaginings of mine? -- Well, just read on...!

• On 23rd April the wands arrived, and even before I opened the package I felt deep misgivings, and was shaking a little. Once I'd nervously unpacked them, what at once struck me was that these wands didn't look at all like the wands that I'd ordered! Okay, the Metatron wand would have been a custom one, but it would have still looked more or less identical to the Archangel Michael wand, and neither of these looked like an Archangel Michael wand at all. Also, there was something else very odd. One had only patches of gold plating, and the other had none. There was a scrawled note with the wands, explaining that the soil had dissolved away much of the gold plating.

  Now, you don't need to hold a degree in metallurgy to know that metallic gold is one of our most unreactive elements aside from the inert gases - that being the reason why gold is generally mined as native metallic gold, not as gold compounds (ores). So, there's no way that over a matter of months any gold plating would be dissolved away by soil. If the soil there had been corrosive enough to remove the gold, then how come that there were no signs of general severe corrosion to the metal of those wands, which would have been much more prone to corrosion than gold, and very likely would have been completely corroded away before the gold could noticeably do so (if at all)?
  

  It rather appears that ZM couldn't quite get his head around the fact that he was dealing with a particularly educated individual with a scientific training and a wide range of knowledge concerning the 'natural world'.

  So, I could be sure that one of those wands had never had gold plating, and almost certainly the patchy plating on the other represented a failed plating job in the first place and not subsequent chemical corrosion. Yet the notional Metatron wand had cost me extra, precisely because it was supposed to have a higher quality gold plating than that on the Archangel Michael wand. Something was very, very screwy about all this.

  I felt even more nervous now about all this, lest the wands had been given some very harmful programming, because it seemed that ZM was getting seriously interfered with by the dark force to make him behave in such a manner, and the tone of his communications had become almost as though shouting at me that I was some sort of monster who ought to be wiped off the face of the Earth. My unease was underlined by those wands seeming more powerful in energy terms than any wands I'd handled before. It was a disturbing, 'blasting' sort of energy, and I sensed with my 'inner vision' a sort of subtle whitish glow filling the space around them and between them and me. I was clear that the only safe thing for me to do with them was to consign them to my domestic refuse that was due to go to landfill - which I did at once.

  From my January 2008 perspective, my energy testing indicates to me that the whitish glow had exactly the same cause as the similar whitish glow that I see around people who have weak grounding. Basically that cause was my own deepest aspects giving me a sign relating to ungroundedness - this time as a warning. Although I didn't know at that time that the whitish glow indicated ungroundedness, I did at least take it as a warning that these wands were (for me) immensely powerful and not for keeping lying around, let alone using.

  Despite ZM having indicated that he didn't want to hear from me again, as a matter of courtesy I wrote back, acknowledging receipt of the wands and pointing out that the matter between us could not be fully closed until / unless he gave me an explanation of his behaviour towards me. I didn't mention further reservations about the wands, because to have pursued the matter would have just been too much of a drag upon my own energy, and I had more positive and productive things upon which to spend my time. My message elicited the following, final, memorable response:
  

  You have not got the message.  As not to contact me the matter is closed. Now if you contact me again I will have to contact the Police.  With a record of mental illness I feel in your interest  you should take my advice.

  N.B. You notice again how he appears to be in some sort of intense and even desperate emotional state towards me? Again, however fanciful this may seem, it looks almost as though he was perceiving me as some sort of monster - somebody or something to be terrified of and to try to keep completely out of his life experience.

So, he was now into plain threats of the dirtiest kind - threatening to misuse against me my completely spurious record of so-called mental illness that is indelibly in my medical records (and which concerned nothing more than the 'entities' - i.e. dark force - interference, as he well knew). Amazing for a so-called healer and 'lightworker'! The threat was actually empty in practical terms, because there's no way that the Police would be interested in pursuing a complaint going something like "Please Sir, this guy Philip Goddard has just sent me an e-mail after I'd told him not to, and he has a record of mental illness!"*.

* And, retrospectively, I'd be inclined to add, ..."and I'm terrified of him because he's a monster because he wouldn't quietly lie down and die when all the forces of Light tried to eliminate him!". ...See further below.

In January 2008, with much greater clarity and freedom from dark force interference, by means of energy testing I was at last able to clarify just what those final two wands actually were. They were old prototype wands of his, which he'd retrieved from somewhere to substitute for the ones I'd ordered, because he'd been determined that he would never make those final two wands that I'd ordered and so had never made them! For some reason [actually an important reason, which I found out in October 2008 - see the Postscript a little further below] he'd nonetheless been happy to accept my money for the nonexistent wands initially (at which time he'd told me they were completed) and was not willing to refund my money subsequently. As I say, it must have been something about £400 for the two, though because I paid in cash and there was no receipt or other paperwork, and I had for extremely good reason (see below) summarily disposed of the wands that he did send, I have no workable grounds for a legal claim for a refund. I would point out, though, that in ethical terms a full refund is still due. Despite all his claims to have been working only for my "highest good", he ended up behaving like a criminal towards me (indeed, a would-be actual assassin - see below).

In fact those final two wands were indeed carrying extremely harmful programming (much more harmful and powerful than in the other sacred geometry wands I had, and would have quite rapidly destroyed the user's health and had him dead within a year), and had been attuned to me, so I was clearly the target of that potentially lethal programming. Whether ZM was consciously aware that the programming in them was harmful, I'm not going to speculate publicly, for he was being so interfered-with and led astray by his own entities and dark force interference, of which apparently he remained resolutely unaware - so he was acting as a puppet and was not fully responsible for his actions, whether or not he was actually consciously seeking to kill me. Thank goodness I'd summarily discarded those wands and so had suffered almost no harm from them (and what little harm I did sustain was rapidly healed by my powerful self realization process)!

So, let this be a warning about people who are seen as healers and 'lightworkers'. They may believe that they are working for 'the Light', but they do not realize that that 'Light' is itself of the 'dark side', for the whole polarity of light / dark (other than directly relating to physical light) is an illusion sourced from the dark force in order to lead us into illusory realities and away from true self realization. Such healers / 'lightworkers' are almost universally oblivious of the serious dark force interference and control that they are getting, which would cause them, usually unawarely, to try to do extremely harmful things to anyone who the dark force has cause to try to take over or wreck in some way.

Thankfully, despite my confusions I'd been fundamentally still sufficiently grounded and clear-minded to clear myself of the multitude of means by which the dark force had sought to 'get' me - ZM having been the prime unwitting 'puppet' of the dark force for this purpose, though other healers also unwittingly played lesser roles in the same broad attempt of the dark force to thoroughly 'nobble' and wreck me because the programming of the dark force 'knew' that if not stopped I would most likely be one of the greatest possible threats to it.

Now do you see particularly the importance of the self realization methods given or pointed to on this site? They all are things you do to open yourself up in a healthy, grounded way, and, provided you have the motivation, you can easily heal and clear all your emotional issues and karmas and clear from yourself all entities and dark force interferences, and rapidly move towards optimal self realization, with no need to involve yourself with so-called healers and lightworkers and all the serious problems that they bring with them (not least, their beliefs).

Thus you have no complications of depending upon people who most likely would be running unaware dark force agendas that are not in the slightest for your true best interests. You can be sure that I wasn't 'just unlucky' in coming across ZM, and if it hadn't been ZM, another healer would have been 'guided' to take on an equivalent role for me at about that time. Indeed, Dalibor Zaviska's getting in touch with me to offer his services at the end of 2006 can be seen as exactly that sort of thing happening. As ZM was shutting himself off from me, so another was guided to come along and unawarely start doing harmful things to me, presumably believing he was helping me - but at least I got clear of his influence at a pretty early stage, and now cannot be interfered with like that again because I'm completely self sufficient at last in my self realization and entity clearance process.

N.B. In the above account of ZM's behaviour towards me I have worked on the assumption that he was being innocently misled and controlled by the dark force, and sincerely believed that he was working for wholly positive and 'pure' purposes. However, it would be remiss of me not to point out that there is NOTHING in my experiences that goes against a very different interpretation, which would explain the situation just as well - that ZM well knew that he was working for 'the dark side', and his strange behaviour and eventual great hostility towards me was because he believed that I was meant to become a great leader for the spread of the dark force's agenda of world domination, and he was getting increasingly dismayed NOT by my having problems with 'the dark forces', but by my showing increasing signs of being a problem for 'the dark forces' - i.e. being too resistant to the dark force and progressively finding my own way out of the mess that it was trying to make of my life by seeking control over me.

Postscript and final accounting on this matter

On a series of occasions in late October 2008, each time while I had a strong connection temporarily made with ZM's energy system, I took the liberty of using energy testing to get a pretty direct 'reading' from his own deepest aspects as to what had really been going on. The results I got do not prove anything, but for me they greatly increase the odds for my having got the correct picture, and they have also added some important aspects to it, which at last make sense of all the details that had previously mystified me. In other words there was an impressive range of corroborations, leaving no loose ends that don't "add up" with the new information.

I got confirmation that ZM genuinely believed that he was 'working for the Light' (not realizing what 'the Light' really signifies) and believed that he was working only for pure and positive forces (not realizing of course that apparently external beings or 'forces' are all of the 'dark side', never mind how 'Divine' they may appear to be), albeit there being a serious emotional issue of his that muddied the situation with regard to how he related to me.

I also got confirmation of the overall 'story' that I have given further above - that, according to his own channelled information, which he believed, I had been destined to very soon indeed become some sort of great 'spiritual' world leader or teacher related to the actually fictitious scenario of a mass human 'ascension' into the mythical '5th dimension', and he was greatly anguished at seeing me apparently (in his perception distorted by his own dark force interference) being taken over by the dark force and thus having let down all Humanity and having effectively, through my own supposed 'weakness', wrecked the whole 'Human Plan' (which, as I've already indicated, is one of the great and extremely harmful myths that the dark force has been disseminating among various healers and 'lightworkers').

I also got confirmation that, aside from the issue of the mysterious potentially lethal final two wands that he sent me (and indeed the previous wand, of which more further below), he genuinely believed that the wands that he supplied to me were meant to help me and indeed were helping me. However, in reality three of those wands (the Prosperity Wand, DNA Wand and the Higher Galactic Wand) had ineffective or nonexistent programming. They were still harmful because of their sacred geometry configurations and their crystals, and the dark force connecting thought forms that they were carrying, but those three didn't significantly have the additional harmfulness of programming to harness their particular energy configurations.

Ironically, with one exception, I was most drawn to use the most harmful of the wands (the Advanced St Germain Wand, Galactic Wand and Advanced Higher Galactic Wand) because the dark force was distorting actual warning signals that my own deepest aspects were continually giving me about those wands, so that what would have been an immediate intuition that there was something 'wrong' about those particular wands, and that I needed to get clear of them, had got inverted into my feeling rather awed by their energy, and believing that that energy would take me forward handsomely in my self healing process. Thus I used them a lot on myself despite the inner warnings that I was pretty well constantly getting but misinterpreting.

Another thing he genuinely believed would help me was the Brain Balancing Essence. However, there was a catch. From ZM's own deepest aspects I've got the following information. All of his 'Vibrational Essences' except for one had programming whose underlying intent was positive and sort-of what the label said. However, these were all pretty well ineffective (i.e. they would have been pretty well ineffective for anyone) - any specific positive effects being outshone by the placebo effect. However, the Brain Balancing Essence did have effective programming - and in relative terms it was very effective. The catch was that the programming of this particular essence was seriously harmful, and was directed to system unbalancing, not brain balancing. My 'reading' is that if I had continued to use that essence for an extended period, because of my already greatly weakened system it could have resulted in my death.

However, ZM's own deepest aspects (which would never lie) indicated that his ordinary, conscious mind was completely unaware of the situation, and genuinely believed that the Brain Balancing Essence did what he was claiming. The catch of course was that his partial walk-in, under stronger dark force control than ZM himself was, had put the harmful programming in the Brain Balancing Essence (almost certainly itself unaware of the harmfulness of the programming, otherwise ZM would have known about it). As far as I can tell, that was nothing aimed specifically at me, and presumably would have been doing long-term harm to all users. On the other hand, presumably it was ZM's partial walk-in that had controlled ZM into recommending to me at that time specifically to use the Brain Balancing essence.

Can I say that this situation exists with regard to his existing range of 'Vibrational Essences'. No, not without additional inquiry that I have no cause to carry out. By now his stock of little bottles of the essences would be all from different batches of the respective essences, and any one of them may or may not contain effective, or indeed harmful programming. Clearly ZM has no means to truly know what programming is in each, because of the deceptions that he is getting from the dark force posing as his various sources for dowsing, channelling and clairvoyant, clairaudient or clairsentient 'reading'. "Caveat emptor", as they say!

Now, with regard to the final, potentially lethal pair of wands, I do now have the picture, including the reason why ZM held onto my money and eventually, under pressure from me, supplied something that was clearly not what I had ordered, rather than simply refund my money. Energy testing apparently from his own deepest aspects revealed that even at the time of taking my money there was an intent to send me if necessary (i.e. if I hadn't already been killed by then) a pair of wands that were not truly what I'd ordered and which would contain lethal programming to ensure my early demise. He would therefore hold onto my money and not supply the wands I'd ordered, to give him the opportunity to (if/when necessary) supply the pair of lethal wands later on without arousing my suspicion. So you see, it wasn't cricket at all that I was in fact more than just suspicious and promptly disposed of those wands! That really wasn't fair of me, was it - my not giving him a chance! 

Having said that much, however, I am not going to publicly speculate as to how much, if any, of the intent referred to in the last paragraph was in ZM's conscious mind and how much was covertly being held by his entity / dark force interference.

N.B. I do not energy-test to take a 'reading' from another person without their knowledge or consent unless there is a very pressing reason to do so, which would be of clear benefit to all involved. The latter is something that I check on in my energy testing. I have done this only in the case of the odd individuals who are causing major problems for many people, to assist me in doing something positive about their particular situations.

So, I have been doing nothing unethical in the slightest in 'snooping' on ZM (not reading his mind, incidentally) to find out what was really going on in this particular case. Indeed, in the light of what I found out in this case, it was very clearly for the general (so-called) 'highest good' that I have been 'snooping' and know what I know now.

Subsequently to my getting the above information, I similarly gained further clarifications. It turns out that the clear intent to dispose of (yes, assassinate / murder!) me emerged at the time of my desperate telephone conversations with ZM in January 2005 (mentioned much further above), when he was dismayed to see the extent to which the dark force appeared (to him) to have taken me over. Whether that intent was in his conscious mind or was restricted to the dark force influence that was controlling him (and indeed his partial walk-in), again I am not going to publicly speculate.

In early 2005 he made for me a special, custom wand that I'd asked him to produce. Little did I know that at that point I myself had been 'guided' by the dark force into actually asking him for the means of the first direct attempt on my life - for that is what that wand represented! This tied in with the mysterious April 2005 workshop already mentioned, which I now unequivocally understand to have been for the purpose of setting up then a very major attempt on my life by means of a particular psychic attack strategy, in which that custom wand was supposed to play a part. ZM had asked me to bring that wand to the workshop, and, under his direction I'd connected that energetically with Stonehenge, the Avebury structures, Glastonbury Tor and all the crystals that I'd buried in those places.

The custom 'personal' or 'Inner Truth' (sic) wand, which
was effectively designed to progressively kill me

The purpose of making all those connections, and indeed the supplying to me of the six Great-Pyramid-connected quartz crystals, was to create powerful energy connections to me that would then be used to destroy me. The very notion that such connections could have a beneficial grounding and healing effect for anyone, as ZM had been claiming to me in 2005, is every bit as bizarre as claiming that the sun is a hippopotamus! It is thus extremely difficult for me now to imagine that ZM didn't really know the real purpose of those connections - though again I am not going to publicly speculate as to what actually were his conscious intentions, as distinct from the intentions of the dark force control that he was getting, posing as his 'guidance'. I had reluctantly accepted his claims at that time only because I'd still been naively trusting him in my desperate situation then, and not fully heeding my clamouring inner warning signals.

However, that wasn't the end of that mischief, because I'd enthusiastically followed my 'guidance' and used that wand to share those 'Earth energy' connections with at least some of the moldavite that I was wearing. So, although I soon lost interest in the lethal wand, I had passed on its supposedly lethal 'earth energy' connections to items that I was wearing most days - two pendants and a bracelet. Moldavite itself is quite harmful enough even when it isn't being used as a channel for a major psychic attack!

Me at the Findhorn community in June 2005,
wearing moldavite pendants whose 'Earth
energy' connections were meant to kill me
- especially at Findhorn.

Another strange anomaly that is now explained is a change I noticed in my Archangel Michael wand at about the time that the alleged connections with the two buried wands were made in 2005. Previously to that point I had actually felt a very pleasant energy from that wand, for it did have some healing function in its programming, despite its overall harmfulness. However, at the time the purported special connections were made with it, it seemed to go 'dead', and I couldn't feel any obvious energy about it at all. That was most peculiar, because it was then supposed to be connected to two powerful angel wands and thus I should have been getting considerably stronger energy from it. So, as I no longer felt anything from it I lost interest in using it.

The reason for that change was that ZM had wiped out the healing aspect of its programming, so that it had no further healing function for me, and was just a vehicle for destructive energies to be channelled to me. Again I'm not going to publicly speculate as to whether this was a consciously intentional act of ZM's, but in any event he was controlled by the dark force into doing that, so in no way am I saying that, in any of this saga, ZM was intrinsically bad. There is no judgement about any of this - just a simple account of what was actually going on, to assist people generally in ensuring that they themselves don't get caught up in such scenarios.

According to ZM's own deepest aspects, as indicated by my energy testing, if all the above measures recounted above had all gone to plan I would have been dead by the end of 2005*, and indeed my death by late 2005 is what ZM's 'guidance' was predicting to him. However, I proved much more resistant than expected to the attempts to disrupt my non-physical aspects in that way - not least because I always felt great unease about the custom 'Personal Wand' because of what I now understand to have been very strong warning signals that my own deepest aspects were giving me about it - so I never used that wand much. Similarly, as indicated above, I lost interest in the Archangel Michael wand once it felt 'dead' to me. However, more fundamentally, I was too detached from the whole belief system (illusory reality) that ZM had passed to me, in which the supposed 'Earth energies' could be used in such a way, for me to be all that vulnerable to the ongoing attempts to destroy me through those energy connections.

* So, his prediction in January 2005 that by October of that year I would have cleared out all my issues and would be clear of all the then current troubles has a particularly chilling ring about it now, for the actual, unspoken, prediction was that I'd be dead by then.

However, those destruction attempts were still a very major weakening factor for me*, helping to explain the continuing severity of the attacks that I was getting, and the difficulty and slowness of my getting clear of all that. My real clearance process didn't even begin till I bought my first Energy Egg in July 2006.

* This was because, although fundamentally immune to 'Earth energy' attacks, being a no-soul incarnation, I had taken on board (particularly from ZM and the psychic surgeon Chris Thomas) at a very superficial level the notion that Earth energies were for real, and the dark force had been doing its damnedest to covertly create an illusory reality in the back of my mindspace in which Earth energies were real and could be used in attacks.

Thus, although nothing like as vulnerable to 'Earth energy' attacks as I would have been if I'd been holding a deep-seated or indeed programmed belief in Earth energies, I was able to be harmed to a lesser extent by such attacks because of a very superficial illusory reality that I was carrying, even while consciously not holding any belief at all.

Now, about ZM's "Live simply!" mantra repeated at me, and his recommendation of my decamping to the Findhorn community. He was indeed seeking to get me out of the way. Yet again I'm not going to publicly speculate about whether any particular intentions relating to that were consciously held by him or were simply those of his supposedly 'higher' guidance. However, suffice it to say that, within the illusory reality in which all those supposed Earth energy connections to me had been made, the Findhorn area is widely known to be very strong in its 'Earth energies', with a number of what get called 'power points' there, which people visit a lot because they extremely misguidedly believe them to be 'spiritually enhancing'. ZM was well aware of that fact.

As far as I can ascertain from my own inner inquiry based on energy testing, if those supposed energy connections to me that ZM had had me make at the April 2005 workshop had been actually effective upon me, at Findhorn the attack through those connections would have been amplified by the strong Earth energies there, and, over a short period my health would have been destroyed and, if I'd stayed there for more than a few weeks I'd have died.

Fortunately for me, my lack of attachment to the whole 'Earth energy' belief meant that even when I was at Findhorn, those destructive effects, which indeed were actually happening for me there, though at an almost negligible level, were outweighed by the healing effects of the real, non-illusory 'energies' or resonances of that area - especially because of the continuing groundedness of most of my awareness (despite the poor grounding then of the rest of it). Such real healing effects of the land in that whole region are actually nothing specific to Findhorn but are actually experienced pretty widely in the whole of the northern part of Scotland, including the whole of the Highlands. Hence so many people being drawn there despite all its weather and midge tribulations. That is NOT a 'spiritual' thing, but simply a positive and life-enhancing 'resonance', and owes nothing to the 'Earth energies' so believed-in by healers, psychics and New Age, mystical and paganistic traditions.

On 20th October 2008 I finally laid to rest all those actually still extant (although by then significantly weakened) 'assassination' energy connections, by use of the Grounding Post procedure upon them and all the related thought forms and illusory realities. When I 'do the Grounding Post', I'm using my powerful bank of Clarity-Spheres, so for me this procedure is particularly effective.

My understanding, gained from energy testing, is that by my taking the latter action I'd set in motion the speedy dissolution of all those harmful connections, and that this represented a major further step forward in my clearing out all my dark force interferences. It also represented a major healing for ZM (whether he likes it or not!), for those connections were actually seriously harming him - albeit in more subtle and long-term ways. For one thing, because he's got part of his awareness within an astral realm (illusory reality) in which the dark force distorted 'retributional' type of karma operates, those connections and his extremely negative use of them (whether or not his conscious mind was aware of what he was doing) were creating for him major karmas that would cause him big problems in his long-term future. By clearing those 'assassination' connections to me, I have considerably weakened those particular dark force sourced karmas of his - though he would continue to have a major problem there until / unless he 'wakes up' and clears out all his illusory realities in which such severe karmas reside.

However, he also has karmas of the genuine kind, just through acting in ways that are weakening for him, and those would be progressively impairing his life experience and health, and making him still more vulnerable and 'open' to the dark force. With the methods that I present in Healing and Self Realization - The Safest and Quickest Way he could easily get clear of all that, including all his illusory realities, and come out fully into clarity, freedom, and the best of health, both physical and mental.

Actually I'd been getting warnings all along!

Having got so far in writing this account, I can now reveal that, right from the very first time ZM came to my flat to deliver some of the wands, I felt a seemingly fanciful little niggling at the back of my mind, that there was something about him that suggested that he could be up to no good with me, and could even be seeking to kill me! I felt a faint sort of menace in his manner and 'vibes' - as though he were just a little too quietly and peacefully spoken, even though otherwise he seemed 'squeaky clean' as a 'lightworker', and I kept brushing aside this preposterous little fantasy-notion that kept coming up. Even the photo of him on his website (which he's changed since, actually for one in which he looks to me more overtly menacing) looked to me very ambiguous and seemed to imply a hidden threat in his apparently very peaceful and horrendously ungrounded appearance.

My understanding now is that what I was picking up was pretty well constant red warnings about him that were issuing from my own deepest aspects. If I'd had genuine energy testing then, no doubt at all I'd have picked up an unambiguous warning about him and his wands and wouldn't have had anything to do with him. As it was, I persistently misinterpreted those warnings as just little bits of unhelpful fantasy of mine - except that nonetheless I did feel to be just a little bit on guard about him, and on the lookout for any sign that he might be up to something. But then, when the clearer signs started coming, I was so desperate for assistance to get clear of the 'entity' interferences and attacks that I kept waving aside all the inner niggling 'fantasy notions' about him, and gave him the benefit of the doubt - again and again!

I say this, however, not in any sort of self recrimination, but to show how anyone can be led astray even when their own deepest aspects are giving them constant warnings. Indeed, my retrospective recognition of those warnings is part of a very positive learning process of mine, in that I'm becoming much more adept nowadays at recognising the subtle hints and 'nudges' that emanate from my own deepest aspects, and heeding them (backed up by energy testing) instead of hanging onto any preconceived notions or falling for any messages or pseudo-thoughts intruded by any external unseen source.

And now a malignant network joins the fray!

At this point in the writing of this account I really thought I'd got the matter pretty well 'tied up' - but then along came yet another 'revelation'. It had always seemed to me to carry some particular significance that, during the crescendo of interferences and attacks that led up to each of my major crisis events, it seemed as though a more powerful and intelligent presence was directing the proceedings. This was in marked contrast to the volatile and inane opportunistic interferences and attacks that were occurring at other times.

What I came to understand was that the Galactic Brotherhood of Light and similar bogus organizations are created in people's minds, and selected 'lightworkers' are initiated into these 'organizations' as 'members', for the purpose of 'feeding' a sort of malignant network of human minds that has a partial resemblance to a bot net of computers, in which the dark force can use the combined mind power of the individual people (i.e. not computers) linked in this way. This mind power that is being used is both the thinking aspects - the 'intelligence' - and the ability in particular to manipulate and focus the actually illusory 'Earth energies' in order to (supposedly!) destroy particular people who are sensed by the dark force to be a major threat to it.

Subsequently I refined that understanding, and realized that the network was almost certainly the equivalent of a lichen, in that it was a self perpetuating product of a symbiosis between two major components - in this case between a network of human minds and a bunch of astral thought forms (programming in 'thought energy'). Indeed, it is not just symbiosis (mutual benefit) but also mutual control that keeps this hideous phenomenon in place. I now understand this network to be effectively nothing less than the basic true nature and identity of the primary aspect of the dark force or 'dark side' - the 'ultimate Satan', if you like.

Because I realized that this was a unique phenomenon, of which there could never be more than one in the whole of Existence, in order not to have people getting into confusions over terminology I coined a completely new term to use for this malignant network - the cacoprotean network, or cacoprot for short, for it was misleading for me to keep calling it 'the human bot net', as I'd been doing initially.

Members of this cacoprotean network are at times aware of particular projects - even murders - that they are detailed to do (any such murders all by psychic means, so they'd never be found out except maybe by the likes of me), but generally they are unaware of the way their mind power is being covertly harnessed, just as the owners of computers in bot nets are generally quite unaware that their computers are being used for nefarious purposes. So, I doubt whether any individual members of the Galactic Brotherhood of Light or any other part of the network consciously knew much or indeed any detail of what was being done to me, nor even of the real intent behind various things that were going on - though it would have been necessary for at least one of the network members to have a clear conscious intent for it to carry out any major task, such as 'removing' particular threats to its overall plan.

It is now pretty clear to me, and supported by my energy testing, that overall, and particularly during my major crises, that network - the cacoprot - was trying to destroy me. So, in other words, not just ZM but a significant number of actual people were being used by the network in trying to 'bring me down', even though ZM was most likely the only human to know any specifics of the intent or the operations. This therefore gives a somewhat reduced prominence to other apparent motivations of the dark force, such as trying to get me 'taken over' by a partial walk-in or spirit attachment.

In particular, now I have cause to mention here the extraordinary sequence of events that included my 'right weirdo' hike on Dartmoor on 9th September 2006. Even when it seemed that I'd got my understanding of that baffling episode all tied up, recognising it as a great convoluted mass of 'story' that I'd been led into by the dark force, presumably for the sake of convincing everyone that I was insane, there were things about it that still seemed just too purposeful, too 'organized', to be accounted for by what I'd come to understand of the dark force and the ways it interferes with me and other people.

What I have now come to understand is that there was indeed a major plan, which indeed the dark force's astral thought forms on their own could not have come up with. It appears now that the cacoprotean network - of which the Galactic Brotherhood of Light was just one particular 'face' - was carrying out that plan. I am not going to speculate publicly as to how much any intent and knowledge of specifics about the big plan to destroy me was in ZM's conscious mind.

Anyway, the real purpose of that weird long Dartmoor hike was for the network to 'destroy' (i.e. murder) me by means of a sustained absolutely massive attack with 'Earth energies'. The warped logic of this was that by convincing me of the need to get myself exceptionally grounded by going on that long and hard walk on wild and rough terrain while being severely attacked for much of the day by the dark force with emotional trauma energies, I would be 'plugging into' 'Earth energies' as I'd never done before, and thus would be far more open to the network's massive attack, which would of course be using all the existing connections of mine to various 'power points' like Stonehenge, Avebury and Glastonbury Tor. Indeed, my 'grounding' at that time was intended and expected to cause me to massively augment those particular connections, so guaranteeing a lethal outcome, which would have seen me dead within a few weeks.

Incidentally, the 'real' attack with 'Earth energies' was not something that I nor anyone else would feel. It would simply devastate one's energy system so that one's whole physical being fails over a very short period. So, the severe (and indeed very strongly felt) attacks of the more familiar type with emotional trauma material from the dark force could be seen as something of a decoy for me. Also it would have helped hide the fact that it was actually a massive psychic attack by humans that had killed me.

However, the catch once again was that not only had I almost no belief in the illusory reality in which these so-called 'Earth energies' exist and operate, but also, my own very deeply derived notion of grounding was 100% grounded and practical. Thus, instead of opening connections to anything non-physical at all for my grounding (which is all part of the New Age sort of mindset), I simply allowed myself to be 'in present time', greatly enjoying the walk and the 'feel' of the ground and the land despite the weird and extremely uncomfortable things that were going on for me then. Thus, instead of making myself more vulnerable as expected by my would-be murderers, I'd intuitively and spontaneously made myself less so.

On the face of it physically, the operation ought to have been a fiasco anyway, because I didn't take the lethal wand out with me, and indeed had no instructions to do so. However, what the dark force had done was to put an astral replica of that wand in an illusory reality that had been covertly placed into the back of my mindspace.

As I now understand it, when I was at Grimspound - supposedly a strong energy or 'power' point, the dark force covertly made an energy connection between the astral replica of that lethal wand in my mindspace and Grimspound in addition to the other 'assassination' connections that that particular wand was already carrying.  So, each time I passed through Grimspound I'd be getting well and truly 'frazzled' by the actually illusory 'Earth energies' there.

As I say, it was my lack of belief and any significant attachment to the notion of 'Earth energies', and indeed the whole New Age mindset that gives credence to those supposed energies, that saved me.

Another factor that was very significantly protecting me was the Energy Egg that I'd bought that July. Although it was giving nothing like the extent of protection that I'd get from a Clarity-Sphere, considering its small size it was doing a sterling job in enabling my 'energy system' to be considerably more immune than it would have been otherwise to every aspect of the attack.

Part of the plan was, after the attack, while I was supposedly in a state of steady self destruction, to speed up the process in really a quite ghastly and ghoulish manner. ZM had noticed during that very harmful April 2005 'healing' from him, that my neck was in a very poor state, with badly worn vertebrae, which, according to him (in a rather pitying tone), were beginning to fuse together*. The network therefore included in its plan for my demise, that my self destruction would be speeded up by getting me into a specific self-destruct feedback loop relating to my neck. THAT is why, in the following few days the dark force was seeking to get me to believe that my neck was rapidly disintegrating! I was actually meant to get, then, into a sort of feedback loop of fear and belief, using an astral realm (illusory reality) created in my mind, in which my neck actually was disintegrating to the point that my head would fall off, to cause me a horrific and agonizing (though I'd guess, brief) death. However, I spontaneously wouldn't 'play ball' and called the Crisis Team instead (to protests from my 'guidance') in order to assist me in starting to get my awareness fully grounded again - which quickly led to my third hospitalization. So, that self destruct process got nipped in the bud.

* That was misinformation too. Yes, my neck was indeed in a poor state, with badly worn vertebrae (that had been shown in an x-ray in 1992), and indeed had very restricted movement, but in late 2008, particularly associated with my little experiment related further below, my neck became markedly freer, with very significantly improved head movement in all directions. That implies that whatever was causing the restricted movement was unlikely in the extreme to have been fusion of vertebrae.

As I understand it now, the immense succession of astral realms (illusory realities) with which I was plied once I was in the psychiatric hospital was a sort of aimless thrashing-around of the dark force immediately following the clear failure of the network's attempts to get me into self destruct mode as part of its great plan for my destruction. The dark force's behaviour then was not for my entertainment (it could have fooled me! ) but something more like a newly beheaded chicken running aimlessly around, no longer with any idea of what it was doing.

I did actually suffer some weakening from that attack during the Dartmoor hike, because just a tiny bit of the 'real' attack did trickle through to me - and that was the cause of the arthritic flare-up of my right knee, which started late that month and kept me out of hiking for that whole winter season (and which I healed spectacularly effectively during 2007 and into 2008).

My sacred geometry wands and the cacoprotean network

On examining carefully all the crises and major attack events, and using energy testing to carefully interrogate my own deepest aspects on this matter, it appears extremely likely that the sacred geometry wands were not only making me generally more vulnerable to the dark force, as various other factors were also doing, but it was those wands (including, no doubt, the two sacred geometry devices that I'd had from the Maitreya Monastery) that specifically opened me to the cacoprotean network in an exceptionally direct way, and THAT was the cause of my most major crises. It looks as though the following main phases of relatively direct interference from the network itself occurred for me as follows:

• October 2003 (probably starting with the Ahn nonsense), through the rest of that year, till the seriously threatening crisis in April 2004 (when Christopher Strong's emergency advice on the phone enabled me to get out of that one).
• October 2004 (leading to my first hospitalization).
• Late November / early December 2004 (leading to my second hospitalization).
• April 2005 (leading to my going briefly into respite care).
• Late August / early September 2006 (including my 'right weirdo hike' and leading to my third hospitalization).
  

  N.B. The crisis that led to my fourth hospitalization, in October 2006, was almost certainly not one of this sequence and had all the signs of being one of the strongest of the opportunistic 'routine' attacks from the dark force, without especially direct attention from the network at that point. Hence its all being over so much more quickly. See further below for an explanation.

• Late January / early February 2007 (leading to my all-night spectacular of 3rd-4th February).
• - and just possibly in late May 2007, as a much less effective final attempt.

Particular hallmarks of what I take to be that relatively direct interference from the network were a much greater intrusiveness of the communications, including the visual 'no' flashes, and getting me deeply involved in some story that then enabled the dark force to get an increasing hold upon me till at some point I'd take some grounding action that broke the trauma 'energy' feedback loop of the then rapidly intensifying crisis level attack, and also at that point I'd more or less rapidly get my attention out of the troublesome 'story' that I'd been getting entwined with and had been part of the attack mechanism.

It looks very much as though the network simply couldn't interfere with me in that very strong and direct way except when I had those sacred geometry wands around me for a fair amount of time on an ongoing basis, and once I'd put them away, and especially once I'd altogether got rid of them, the network could no longer do that to me. I could still get severe and even more or less crisis level attacks (in the sense that I had cause sometimes to call the Crisis Team to help get my awareness more grounded again), but those were all simpler affairs, with a decidedly opportunistic character. They often did carry some 'story', but that was not greatly convoluted and clearly related to something in my everyday life that had pushed a button in some way - and there was very much a familiar repetitive quality about those exploitations of the odd 'button pushings' that I sometimes experienced, so it was particularly easy to recognise what was going on and not to get taken in by the menacing pseudo-thoughts that were often being inserted into my mindspace.

However, even when I did have the sacred geometry wands around me for a good bit of time every day, there were many phases of apparent lack of the very strong and direct interference from the network - most notably between the crises of April and October 2004, when actually I had no significant attacks (but still troublesomely 'wonky' channelling) and really thought the attacks were all over. Very likely during those times the network was to some extent, in some manner, seeking to keep me under observation, and it may well have been involved relatively directly still in my channelling, so that I was still getting some quite convoluted 'story' about myself and the nature of reality. However, that 'story' really was pushed on me and made into a compelling and often intimidating issue for me only when there were also the telltale stronger and very pushy communications and a crescendo of attacks that would build up generally over at least a week till I was obliged to respond to my inner 'crisis' alarm signals and seek some sort of urgent assistance.

Also very likely significant was the temporary considerable reduction in attacks in February 2005, when I put the sacred geometry wands away and didn't use any for a few weeks. What trouble I might have saved myself if I'd not brought them out and got using them again! I'd have still had attacks, but very likely not nearly as much as I did get, and very likely indeed I'd have had no further real 'biggies' where the network itself was relatively directly involved.

This implies an even stronger and redder warning than ever to everyone about sacred geometry, and especially sacred geometry wands / other devices, because it looks very much as though pretty generally they do not just weaken you and render you vulnerable to the dark force in the general way that so many other environmental stress factors do, but they are a tool for opening you to a much more direct connection to the cacoprotean network - a connection that unfortunately for many people would be made to appear to be opening them to angels and ascended masters and other supposedly higher beings - just as I myself had been misguidedly wanting them to!

The role of lightworkers' personal status issues

Finally, one general point that I'd make with regard to pretty well ALL such supposed healers and 'lightworkers' - particularly those who regard themselves as any sort of teacher of 'master' - is that they each have a serious emotional problem relating to personal status, involving covert envies and jealousies, and readily see a person like myself as a threat to their self perceived status - especially as the dark force would seek to exploit and manipulate any such tendencies. Without mentioning any names here, I can say the following with considerable confidence, on the basis of my 'readings' from their own deepest aspects, regarding two such 'lightworkers' who caused me problems:

1. This one had a strong jealousy towards me because I was, in his distorted view, 'unaccomplished' (i.e. lacking in psychic perceptions and skills) and yet was claiming to be enlightened (he not understanding that psychic preoccupations actually point one away from enlightenment), and he had been told by his channelling source that I was supposedly to become a great leader for Humanity. This was bewildering for him because he's also been led from another channelling source to believe that he himself was supposed to shortly gain that role and status, and be seen as a great 'Master'. Those apparently different channelling sources were of course just different 'faces' that the dark force were presenting to him. The dark force manipulated him via those conflicting stories (both fictions) to cultivate his feelings of resentment and jealousy towards me.

2. This one had a personal status 'thing' about enlightenment, and prided himself on his (actually largely spurious) entity removal abilities. He had sort-of crossed the enlightenment threshold himself, but it was a vague and tenuous enlightenment because he was actually a soul incarnation (albeit his first incarnation from that soul) and thus he had some dark force sourced programming that had 'capped' his deepest levels of awareness. For practical purposes, thus, his primary 'enlightenment' experience was thus 'pseudo-enlightenment', in which he was experiencing his soul (with all its confusions) rather than the fully non-dual fundamental consciousness as his 'ultimate'.

   Indeed, because of the latter situation it was a very remarkable achievement to have reached even a 'technical' enlightenment at all. He had achieved it at all only through intensive esoteric practices in one or more organizations that loaded him with a belief system that incorporated a lot of personal status-related garbage relating to enlightenment, including the notion that we each, once enlightened, progress through a series of successively higher 'levels' of enlightenment (in other words, gained spiritual 'Brownie points') till eventually we become 'fully enlightened' and then 'ascend', immediately leaving the physical world.

   He had picked up from somewhere the belief (no doubt reinforced by his 'Divine Support Team') that he was not just enlightened but had progressed to the kudos-worthy 'Second Level of Enlightenment', and even on the telephone told me "I'm at the Second Level of Enlightenment, and, I'm sorry to have to tell you but you are not even enlightened yet" - and went on to make out that the emotional issues that I was still carrying (actually not mine at all but those of the parasitic lost souls attached to me, which his 'Divine Support Team' never showed to him) were an obstacle to my enlightenment. That in turn demonstrated to me for one thing even then that he didn't properly understand what enlightenment was.

   When he first became aware of me and my situation, he genuinely wanted to help me (though not understanding the sort of motivation that tends to underlie such desires to 'help' people), but when he read my account of my crossing the enlightenment threshold he was thrown into confusion, because he couldn't understand what I was going on about in that account. The point is that he himself had understood from his particular esoteric tradition that enlightenment was defined primarily by one's having a whole range of psychic or 'higher' perceptions and psychic and meditation skills, and here was this oaf of a man who was openly saying that he'd become enlightened without ever having meditated in his life, and, seeing that this oaf was showing no signs of all those esoteric skills, he must be pretty rudimentary even as a healer!

   Thus, as I understand it now from this individual's own deepest aspects, he was thrown into confusion by that web page of mine, as to whether he himself was really enlightened (for his own deepest aspects would have been quietly giving him signals to the effect of "Yes, that's it! If you pay attention to what he says there you will get back on the rails!"), and, because of an intense personal status issue of his, he was frightened that he himself might not really be enlightened and might be seen as some sort of sham, and thus he had a covert frightened hostility towards me, for he feared that I might show up his true situation. Hence his trying to convince me that I myself wasn't enlightened and that he was 'way above' me, and his being so keen to give me telephone 'entity clearance' sessions during which he could attempt to 'show me who is the real master here', and could exert power over me in trying to use hypnosis and other harmful psychic procedures on me.

   I further established that although rather wishing me harm in a general sort of way, he was not awarely seeking to kill me, but his partial walk-in, under control and programming from the dark force, was very definitely seeking to kill me, though this was through being controlled puppet-wise by the dark force rather than having a conscious desire to kill me (which desire would in that case have been in his conscious mind).

Important - Please understand this!

In this section I have done something extremely bold, which will inevitably appear to some people to be an eye-wateringly harsh attack on two defenceless individuals. Let me say this clearly: the above account is NOT harsh in the slightest. It is simply a lovingly clear-minded account of what actually happened, as far as I can establish it. It is not an account of any feelings, judgements or assessments of mine upon those individuals. Nowhere is there any cause for me to judge upon the individuals concerned, for they had been simply victims of the controlling influences of the dark force, just as to some extent every one of us is or has been (including myself), even though in most cases unawarely.

Indeed, during my 'dark years' of disruptions from the dark force, I myself presumably harmed a number of people by giving them attunements to the strange symbol that I'd channelled, which was alleged to be the basis of a new and much more effective healing system. For all I know, what I did then, completely innocently, could have led to somebody's premature death - though I'd have no way of finding out how much harm I did actually bring about for any particular person. So clearly I can have no high moral ground at all in any account that I may give of other healers or 'lightworkers' doing harm owing to deceptions and manipulation / control from their dark force and entity interferences.

If we do not totally honestly look at and report what is happening to cause problems, how the hell (sic) could any of us, and indeed the human race in general, get out of the desperate 'hole' that we are in?

It's a simple fact of life, that if anyone, for whatever reason, runs some troublesome dark force sourced agenda on me I shall use the situation for maximum positive purposes, which further the stemming and weakening of the dark force agenda and facilitate people's self realization and clearing out of dark force influences. That can well involve my giving an informative account of the particular situation on this website, naming names where I consider that sufficient positive purpose would be served by my doing so. Another bottom line is that anyone who has some troublesome (especially status or control-related) agenda that they don't want to get exposed would do well to keep clear of me.

Let me also say that there is another side to this picture, which is appropriate for me to mention here. Far from just slagging off the two implicated individuals, from late November 2007 onwards I have been using my safe and dark force free healing and entity clearance method to give each of them a short weekly remote healing session (without their knowledge, of course) for clearing them of entities and dark force interferences. This became much more powerful early this year, from when I was using a bank of Clarity-Spheres for this purpose. Those two are out of a total of seven individuals who have been getting such ongoing healing / clearance sessions from me.

My current 'reading' is that both these individuals lost their final entities (each had had a partial walk-in plus some attached parasitic lost souls) back in the late summer of 2008, but they are still carrying the various 'energy' imprints of those entities, so that there was not able to be an immediate change of behaviour, although the individuals would have experienced various positive changes in their life experience. I am continuing giving them such ongoing healings, until such time as my energy testing indicates to allocate my time differently, in order to progressively dissolve those energy imprints left by the entities. This will be a slow process as long as those individuals are not doing anything themselves to facilitate that clearance. At some point they are bound to 'wake up' and come to realize what they have really been doing - and they can be sure that in that event my message to them will be a joyful "Welcome home!".

A touch of cacoprotean insanity...

As for doing anything about the cacoprotean network that has been using and directing those people and many others to further its agenda (including trying to get rid of me), that of course would be an unthinkably huge task for anyone even to contemplate trying to tackle...?

Well, maybe. But that's not what my own deepest intuition, supported by my energy testing results, indicates.

Indeed, if my understanding is correct, just before my lunchtime on 29th October 2008, with just a few minutes' very simple and easy work using my bank of Clarity-Spheres while connected to ZM's energy system, I started the inexorable 'winding up' of that whole disgusting network.

To get some idea of the magnitude of this, I can say that, having connected with the whole network in order to facilitate its dissolution, I have established that probably just about all people throughout the world who consider themselves to be 'lightworkers' (or equivalent terms) are in the network (as well as many others), and, I note particularly that this includes the (in)famous and all-too-often revered Sai Baba. My own 'reading' now is that he is one of the primary active motivators and 'directors' of the whole network, with all its different names that are presented to different people and traditions, and, what's more, according to my 'reading', unlike nearly all other members of the network, he is actually consciously aware that he is working with and on behalf of 'the dark forces'.

Another thing I quickly established, once I'd connected to the whole network, is that one of the 'fronts' of that network is the widely hailed 'Network of Light'. You see, actually the latter had nothing to do with truly opening up (i.e. deepening) people's awareness, but was all about ungrounding people on a global scale, opening them still further to dark force control, and also, for enabling massive and potentially lethal psychic attacks (using combined 'mind power') to be launched on 'misfits' like myself who are seen as a threat to the dark force agenda.

Thus, if you had your hopes pinned on the so-called Network of Light for the salvation of 'Humanity' you can think again, and, if my 'reading' is correct, that network is in the process of dissolution as I write this - so that people will then be better able to come to their senses and get pointing to where they really need to be pointing, which is to self realization and clearance of the dark force sourced astral illusion.

So, Sai Baba has been playing quite a major part in all the tremendous troubles that I've been having from the dark force and the associated attempts on my life. That doesn't mean, however, that he was actually consciously aware of me personally. Undoubtedly ZM in particular was being used as a local 'scout' or indeed 'snout' for the network, and he was the pawn that was 'moved' to focus extermination attempts upon me.

It just happens that Sai Baba is another of the individuals to whom I'd been giving weekly entity clearance healings from November 2007 onwards, and my 'reading' is that he lost, one by one, his partial walk-in and a small collection of parasitic lost souls, during the summer of 2008. No immediate change of behaviour can be expected, because he still has energy imprints from the cleared-off entities, and my work on clearing those is a slow and long-term process (that is, until and unless he starts taking up effective measures himself to clear all that), or/and other Clarity-Sphere owners join with me in this work.

Also, the 'lightworker' and hypnotherapist Dalibor Zaviska* turned out to be a member of the network. According to my energy testing from his own energy system, he is not aware of being a member of any particular organization or 'network', but what he hadn't realized was that his so-called Divine Support Team is his particular 'front' organization of the network, though he could well actually have been made a member of that network earlier in one or other of the initiations that I think he's had in one or more esoteric organizations some time ago. When he gave me some 'entity removal' sessions over the phone, he was in the process of connecting me to the network, so making me one of its members. However, I pulled out of having sessions with him, for from deep within I felt that there was something deeply wrong about him and those sessions, and fortunately I did so before he got a chance to complete the work, which in any case had been a difficult matter for him because I was intrinsically very resistant to what he was trying to do. Thus I simply had some partially formed implants left in my system, which were a hindrance for my clearance process but at least were not sufficient for me to be functioning as one of the network's 'bots'.

* You can read about my experiences with Dalibor in My Own Self Realization 'Path' - Part 2.

Similarly, Dalibor is one of those individuals to whom I'd been giving regular entity clearance healings from November 2007 onwards, and his clearance status, according to my energy testing, is much the same as that of Sai Baba.

If my work on facilitating the dissolution of the cacoprotean network really is working 'for real', potentially there could be major positive repercussions on a global scale (because of the huge number of people who are, or at least were, in that network) - though of course I would never be able to say that any particular change was a result of anything I myself had done. A worthwhile healer doesn't fixate on specific outcomes at specific times, but simply does what seems worthwhile and 'strengthening' at the time, with a general intent for whatever outcome is on balance in the best and deepest interests of all involved - and that healer continues to keep an open mind about everything.

And finally, at about 13:10 GMT on 30th October 2008 I gave myself cause for a little joyful mirth by enabling Sai Baba to take up this work of 'winding up' that hideous network of which he is one of the primary members. Why should I bother myself with that task, when he could in just a couple of minutes' simple work be set up to be doing it all for me continuously, 24/7, until the task is completed? 

Eh? Has this Philip Goddard guy gone completely (i.e. even more) crazy?

Yes, quite possibly. What he did was actually an amazingly obvious thing, as a result of some very simple and basic loving clear thought (which is highly abnormal, and therefore indeed he is seriously crazy!). He simply took his Clarity-Sphere that was currently tuned to a certain terrorist leader and re-tuned it to Sai Baba, having a little earlier upgraded the C-S's programming to facilitate the dissolution of that network. That's all, and that's it! When the task is completed, most likely that Clarity-Sphere will be retuned back to that terrorist leader. It's all a matter of practical priorities.

If my understanding is correct, what that Clarity-Sphere connection has done is to give Sai Baba a continuous connection to his own deepest aspects, which is enabling the latter to use the cacoprot connections throughout the human population here on Earth and indeed anywhere else (even in other universes) where the network is present, to cause a progressive dissolution of the network, and, at some point, a disconnection of all members from it's remaining 'energy', which would then 'evaporate' (i.e. get transformed into positive, healthy life force energy that can benefit people once more).

My understanding now is that all the worst effects of the dark force (including all my significant troubles) have been occurring through that network, using its combined human mind power, and so, if this dissolution process is real and not some further dark force sourced story that I've been given, there are bound to be very major positive repercussions worldwide. Seeing that I've come to the conclusion that, most likely, the cacoprotean network actually is effectively the dark force (i.e. rather than being just an enhancing add-on as I first assumed), the implications are enormous almost beyond comprehension.

For more about this crazy project, please see Dissolution of the 'Dark Forces' - Fact, or Fiction of the Insane?.

So, yes, somebody please get me 'sectioned' in a psychiatric hospital, double quick, before I do any more serious mischief like that - but just make sure it's the Cedars in Exeter, where I have friends!!

---

Appendix - Selected memorable experiences and plus points

I list now a selection of highlights and plus points of what I've been through. This is a very personal selection of what particularly stands out, including particular experiences that had shown me important things about myself.

• 'Powerful' self healing, albeit in the craziest manner!
  The experiences of being attacked with trauma emotion feelings actually functioned as parts of a powerful ultra-accelerated healing process for exceptionally massive trauma complexes that I was carrying, which actually didn't belong to me at all but to parasitic 'lost' souls* attached to me, and which I was experiencing almost as my own. I was able to release such feelings powerfully over a period, simply by being their peaceful observer. Even when experiencing the awesomely unbearable feelings of full-throttle terror, I was still the peaceful observer - though sweating profusely and with dry mouth, and then coming out in strong trembling.

  Having said that, though, I do not mean to imply that the above would really be a sensible or valid choice for myself or anyone else as a healing method. Simply, as the particular situation had been imposed upon me, I recognised the positive things that were occurring, as well as the harmful and disruptive elements, and sought to get some healing effect out of whatever happened to me.

  In reality, use of Power Walking or/and the Grounding Post procedure or/and the Clarity-Sphere (especially all three) would have been massively more powerful still, and always an absolutely painless and enjoyable experience. See Healing and Self Realization - The Safest and Quickest Way.

  * For more about parasitic 'lost' souls, please see 'Astral Entities' - Interference and Attacks from 'The Dark Side'.

• The 'exam'
  I learnt many, many things about my strengths - including areas and degrees of strength that I previously never knew I had. There was one particular phase of my October 2004 ordeals when, mostly by night, I was given a series of questions with multiple choice answers to choose from - like an oral exam, of all things. Remember, at this point I was assuming that, although 'astral beings' seemed to be involved, these questions with multiple choice answers were coming from a higher source and represented real life choices for me - even though I also knew that it could be just a show from the 'astral beings'.

  Certain choices that I made then would have scared most people's pants off, because I was not prepared to allow threats to deflect me from my basis of love and aware consideration for others - even the threat of the ultimate hell in Buddhism, the purported Hell of Ultimate Torment. There were the odd heart-stopping moments when I'd made particular choices that allegedly would right there and then drop me into that very hell. In fact each time I made such a choice and immediately nervously waited to see if I was really going to enter that 'hell', I was greeted by a thunderous voice calling out "Oh no, you don't!" and then nothing happened - but the fact remains that I had actually chosen, provided it would be truly for the ultimate good, to experience the supposed Hell of Ultimate Torment. That 'exam' was definitely not for the faint-hearted!

  I understand now that there was actually a very sinister agenda behind the ordeals, including this one, as recounted in Partial Walk-ins - How the 'dark forces' nearly nobbled me. I think that, first and foremost, the above example was aimed at scaring me so much that I'd go sufficiently out of body for the dark force to bring about the partial walk-in that it was so strenuously seeking to get stuck into my 'system'. In the event it failed colossally because I was not really frightened at all, but simply feeling a superficial nervousness while otherwise being still peaceful observer, simply accepting 'What Is'. At that point I'd been feeling a very deep sense that everything was actually working all right for me, and, despite any superficial appearances just then, my own deepest aspects were ensuring that I would come to no harm - as was evidently the case!
  

  It looks as though there was also another extremely sinister and chilling agenda involved, as you can begin to understand from the item on Cutting ties with Buddhism, further below.

• I'll hike or drop dead!
  In the early 2004 ordeals I was being brought down to a very low ebb by being repeatedly given what had subsequently been described to me as feelings from an ancient 'disconnection' trauma of mine (when, allegedly, my higher consciousness had killed me by severing all my relationship chakra cords)* often at a traumatically strong level; at the time I was told that this was all experiments upon me by ascended masters to test the depth of my spiritual realization, and they were closing to varying degrees my relationship chakra cords and also greatly reducing the overall power level of my aura, and they actually kept reporting to me the alleged percentages of normal level - occasionally going down to 1% when it felt as though I were close to dying, and I was told that if the cords were completely closed it would kill me.

  * Later note (November 2008) - As far as I understand it now, being a no-soul incarnation, I had no such past life, so any past life trauma wasn't mine but belonged to one or more of the attached parasitic 'lost' souls. In this particular case, however, the particular traumatic feelings were actually basically birth trauma (most likely not just mine but combined from one or more of the attached 'lost' souls) but strongly distorted to greatly magnify the sense of disconnection, out-and-out bleakness and personal devastation, at least as compared with the trauma that I myself experienced at birth (which has recently been 'shown' to me by my deeper aspects non-traumatically for information purposes).
  

  For more about the process of degradation of human souls brought about by the dark force, please see 'Astral Entities' - Interference and Attacks from 'The Dark Side'.

  In the midst of these desperate-feeling tribulations, a fine Saturday was forecast and I was determined that I was going to get out on a hike despite all this. On the Friday I said resolutely to the inner voices that I commanded that my energy system be fully restored for the hike, and a chorus of voices - supposedly higher beings but of course really the dark force - told me that that would not be possible. However, I went to bed early and rose early on the Saturday, feeling very weak and quite ghastly. Every thought of mine about the prospective hike was greeted with a chorus of inner voices mockingly pleading with me not to do such a foolish thing. But my resolve was set and I did indeed go, telling the supposed highest will that if it wanted me to remain alive it was up to it to restore my energy system. I was quite clear that it was okay if the outing killed me, because living the way that I was experiencing then was no way to live at all, so I would either hike or drop dead, and sod the lot of these so-called 'ascended masters' who were doing such diabolical things to me!

  When I set out on the initial half-hour's road walk in the hitch-hike for Exmouth I felt as though I could well drop dead even on my way to the start of the scheduled walk. Anyway, in fact I completed the walk, from Exmouth, along the coast path to Beer - about 21 miles (34 km) and 1,140 metres of ascent - in pretty normal time and with no great trouble. Indeed it seemed that in the later part of the walk I was getting massive assistance from angelic beings* - I could feel a certain energy 'presence' propelling me along.

  * Later note (December 2007) - Although I have no way to completely rule out the possibility that I was getting assistance from higher beings, as already repeatedly noted, my current understanding is that there are no true 'higher' beings that we could ever know of. So, my 'assistance' would thus have been simply the strength and openness of my own core essence (actually the true 'highest' source) coming through, no doubt in response to my determination to push through all the apparent obstructions given me by the dark force. The latter, however, most likely reduced its attacks during the walk in ways that gave me the impression of my getting 'angelic' assistance, for cultivating in me a belief in higher beings was very much a part of its agenda.

• There's a laughing space in everything...
  In a rather earlier phase of the early 2004 ordeals I'd been given some particularly nightmarish and traumatic experiences with having hordes of purported vengeful spirits of wolves that had been killed by humans, also with some purported 'demons', set upon me, and I was supposed to send these to the Light as they attached to me - well, except that the demons allegedly couldn't be sent to the Light and had to be converted into angels. You see how crazy all this was!   I understand in hindsight that all this was simulations, but they were made pretty realistic, with nasty chakra feelings as the fictitious spirits attached to me - particularly at the crown chakra.

  As a result of some quite traumatic experiences during this phase of the troubles, I learnt that the only way for me really to handle such assaults was just to let go of any notion of defending or protecting myself and simply to trust the 'highest will' to do what it would - and when I adopted that approach the attacks dissolved.

  Anyway, once I'd just about got that tactic established I had a hilarious time one evening, when I was sent two supposedly very formidable-looking 'demons' which were of elongate, rather reptilian shape and had faces that were not altogether appealing and bore long, pointed teeth, and they both attached to my left leg, sinking their teeth in. I saw the funny side of this, as it reminded me of a dog shagging my leg, and I was in fits of laughter* at that for the rest of the evening, with a dull ache developing at my left knee, where one of the alleged demons had its etheric teeth embedded. While this was going on I was given an appearance of an audience of angels above me, who were also in fits of laughter in amazement at my own gutsy mirth with two alleged demons still attached to my leg.

  * What I didn't understand till much more recently was that those paroxysmal fits of laughter were themselves the product of a sort of attack from the dark force for the purpose of draining my energy. I did notice at the time that the laughter made me feel really exhausted in a way that nothing else had done, but at that point my awareness was too ungrounded for me to question more deeply what was going on and put two and two together.
  

  Nonetheless, my humour and even hilarity were still genuine, and I still get a laugh when I think back to then - it was simply that my hilarity was being exploited to try to further pull me down. Ordinary laughter is fine - but I know now to interrupt and put a firm stop on any of that uncontrollable, paroxysmal laughter that tends to bring tears to the eyes.

• Tricked into thinking I'd been Jesus
  At a quite early stage in promoting the agenda of seeking to persuade me that I was 'King of All the Realms', in early November 2003 the dark force, pretending to be the well-known high guide Orin, tricked me into accepting (for a while) that I'd been Jesus, and this came about in such a way that it was made to appear that this was forbidden information that I'd stumbled upon despite the best efforts of my guidance to prevent me from knowing it. That of course made this misinformation look particularly convincing - all the more so because one of the emotional traumas that I was healing was suggestive of my having been at least close to Jesus in that particular lifetime. Purportedly, my knowing this forbidden information at that point was a serious threat to the whole alleged Higher Plan for Humanity. That immediately terrified me and I even offered to leave this incarnation at that very point if it would be for the 'highest good'*.

  * Re-reading this nowadays is distinctly scary, now that I understand about the dark force's repeated attempts to try and stage upon me a partial walk-in. Fortunately, although in relative terms for me - already enlightened - the particular situation 'terrified' me, I didn't really get beyond an emotional state of moderate fear, and even then an important part of my awareness was sufficiently grounded for me to be pretty well continuously releasing that fear through trembling. But what the dark force had been after was my being really terrified - enough that I would go out of body sufficiently for it to stage that confounded partial walk-in on me. During my succession of experiences with the dark force, it was trying me out for that in all manner of ways, trying to find some weak point of mine, which, if appropriately challenged by it, would lead to my going out of body like that.

  My 'guidance' assured me after a night of supposed inquiries to 'higher dimensions' that it wouldn't be necessary after all for me to leave this incarnation, and then led me through a gruelling session of affirmations for much of the evening of 5th November, repeatedly jumping up and down and roaring "I am Jesus of Nazareth!" (using a crumpled up handkerchief to muffle the sound for obvious reasons - and my flat is remarkably soundproofed anyway). This repeatedly brought about a tremendous amount of trembling (the release of fear), and resulted in a considerable and pretty abrupt increase in my self esteem, which actually considerably assisted me during the subsequent ordeals that the dark force took me through.

  It was a particularly surreal experience, because during this long evening session I was facing my living room window, and seeing all the fireworks going off over and around the bottom part of Exeter city, for in the UK the 5th of November is celebrated as Guy Fawkes' Day, and it is the national annual fireworks celebration time.

  The story that I'd been Jesus was dropped a couple of months later when my 'guidance' then told me that a fellow in the USA who'd contacted me, and who thought he was a Maitreya incarnation, had actually been Jesus, and I allegedly had been the latter's disciple Simon Peter. You see how confusing and convoluted it can become when you're unwittingly being 'guided' by the dark force - which you are if you're being 'guided' by anything non-physical that appears to be in any way external to yourself (and that includes 'God' and the 'Holy Spirit')!

  The change that occurred in me as a result of that intensive self healing and pattern-breaking session was so great that it seemed almost like reincarnation within the same body, for I had a distinct sense at that time of leaving behind a timid persona, which I labelled 'Doubting Phil'. Of course my so-called 'guidance' did seek to persuade me that I was reincarnating in the same body just then, but I'm pretty sure that, except in figurative terms, this had not happened.

  Later note (January 2008) - I actually doubt whether that session, although certainly powerful, had brought about such a big change for me. Almost certainly the dark force was manipulating my feelings in order to promote the notion that I was reincarnating within the same body, as part of the dark force's bogus storyline about me having a great destiny to be some sort of spiritual leader or teacher for all of 'Humanity'.

  Extraordinarily, it was during that gruelling session of 'I am Jesus of Nazareth' affirmations that I first had channelled to me what I eventually came to call the Am Re symbol, my right hand being repeatedly guided to draw in the air this strange symbol that was both OM and spiral and more. I did not know at the time what the symbol was, nor the source of it, my 'guidance' mischievously telling me that it was the 'new OM' and intended by the highest powers to be disseminated throughout the world, initially via my website, to replace all other versions of the OM because its 'vibration rate' was much higher - and then over the next month persuading me that it was the basis of a new healing system that I supposedly developed.

  I understand now that no symbol at all connects to the highest healing energies or levels of consciousness, so that, contrary to widespread belief, using symbols (including Reiki symbols, the pentagram or the OM) does NOT help you towards enlightenment or genuine self realization, and neither are any of them enhancers of your healing abilities. Indeed, any such symbols at all would actually limit your healing abilities.
  

  Furthermore, such symbols ALL in various ways interfere with our energy fields in ways that make us more susceptible to the interference and influences of the dark force. They are also ungrounding in their effect, which further opens us to dark force interference and influence. Thus they are ALL a serious obstacle to true self realization and clear-mindedness.

  So, what I've written here about the Am Re being channelled to me is actually not at all about a real positive gain from my experiences as I'd thought until 2007, but really about a quite major problem I was given in the guise of something very positive.

• Cutting ties with Buddhism
  In my October 2004 ordeals, late one evening I was directed to destroy or discard everything in my flat that had strong Buddhism connections. Most dramatic was the smashing on the floor of framed portraits of several Tibetan 'masters'* and a small plaster Buddha figure, but also in the course of this apparently destructive orgy I destroyed two beautiful and seemingly precious sacred geometry healing tools that I had obtained from the Maitreya Monastery in Glastonbury, and threw away (to go to landfill!) a most wonderful-sounding Tibetan bell and singing bowl, both of which were in my estimation superior to most that I'd tried sounding at various shows.

  Yes, and a real crazy thing that was, in practical terms, for I was finding splinters of glass on my carpet and indeed elsewhere in my living room for months afterwards, as I'd well realized would be the case!

  This may sound like a totally negative happening, but in fact, at the time it appeared to be an important step for me to take* - a symbolic breaking of very strong ties with Buddhism that my 'guidance' often in various ways 'reminded' me that I was carrying, and thus a breaking of my purported ties to the false, dark force sourced teachings in Buddhism, which, according to my 'guidance', in this lifetime had been background beliefs and patterns holding back my emergence as an independent-minded promoter of genuine self realization - though at that time I was thinking of myself still as a 'spiritual teacher', not having yet understood that 'spirituality' is a seriously harmful sidetrack.

  * Little did I know then just how important - indeed, urgently so, it really had been that I have that little smash-up session then! It was tremendously helpful to me in a way that I had no idea of till I did some inner inquiry using energy testing in early 2009.
  

  Actually, on the face of it, because I'm a no-soul incarnation, any ties to Buddhism that I seemed to be carrying couldn't have been genuinely mine apart from the very superficial one of having briefly embraced Buddhism around the time of my enlightenment in early 1997. Some of the parasitic lost souls attached to me did have ties to Buddhism, I think, including Buddhist vows, but there were limits to the extent I could break those ties, because although they were affecting me to a certain extent they were simply not mine, and thus, like emotional issues of the attached parasitic lost souls, would have been much slower and more difficult to clear than anything similar that truly belonged to myself.

  However, it turns out (revealed by much more recent energy testing) that nearly all of the problem that I was carrying, relating to those connections, was actually an astral realm (illusory reality) that the dark force had covertly been building and cultivating in a more or less hidden part of my mindspace, in which I had actually had one or more past lives in supposedly high level Tibetan Buddhism and had taken vows and had taken on beliefs in sequential, karmic reincarnation, in severe retributional karma and in the whole 'menagerie' of hells in the Buddhist teachings. As far as I can tell, this astral realm was created and being built up specifically during the earlier part this particular (October 2004) sequence of ordeals for an actually quite alarming and indeed chilling purpose.

  Now it becomes clear just why I was motivated and indeed 'guided' to do what I could to break my apparent Buddhist connections at that time - something that had always seemed a bit strange for the dark force to 'guide' me to do, seeing that any of that Buddhist crap in my system would have furthered the dark force's agenda for me. My energy testing reveals that it was NOT the dark force that motivated me to do that, but my own deeper aspects, which could see a serious threat to me rapidly developing because of that illusory reality that the dark force was still covertly building and strengthening in that hidden part of my mindspace.

  I can indeed now see the potentiality for severe trouble in the later parts of that sequence of severe ordeals if I'd not taken that radical step and done that smashing-up at that time. Although I had no significant true Buddhist connections of my own, that illusory reality, sneakily there in the back of my mind, was beginning to have the effect upon me, in my ungrounded state during those ordeals, of becoming a part of my actual subjective reality, so that the dark force could then drop me into the illusion of those Buddhist hells, supposedly as the result of the severe retributional karma that was included in that illusory reality.

  Now, what had appeared to be just a lot of hot air from my actually dark force 'guidance' during the later part of that sequence of ordeals, about me being about to be dropped into the Hell of Ultimate Torment (and other hells too) comes to have a much more sinister ring. I could possibly have been dropped into desperately horrific and traumatizing experiences, with considerable uncertainty as to the viability of my state following that. Indeed, there's a distinct possibility that I'd have gone into a coma state, inwardly experiencing one or more of the hells subjectively for 'aeons', while nasty things would most likely have then been done by medics to try to bring me round. Indeed, whether I'd have come out of that coma at all is itself in doubt, no matter what anyone would have done to try to 'save' me.

  Indeed, for a time during those ordeals, that sort of thing was precisely what my 'guidance' was claiming was going to happen to me. But in the event, no trace of any hells or real 'nasties' could manifest for me apart from the straightforward attacks from the dark force, because my 'cutting all Buddhist connections' smash-up session had actually altered that virulent illusory reality by actually breaking at least much of my connection with Buddhism, which existed within that illusory reality. Thus, in functional terms that illusory reality was largely destroyed, even though it was still present but then relatively harmless.

  Although the dark force most likely got to work at once to replace or 'repair' that illusory reality, the latter could no longer work on me for that purpose, because I then 'knew' that I'd broken my ties with Buddhism, and that would have prevented the particular illusory reality from affecting me very much any more, even though within that illusory reality I did indeed have Buddhist connections again.

  Having said that, however, I don't know how far that very nasty scenario would really have worked on me, because of the dogged groundedness of a particular part of my awareness that had to be pretty seriously ungrounded for such methods to at least work fully on me. As evidenced by my general resistance to being dragged into seriously troublesome astral realm experiences, the chances are that the "I'm still a Buddhist at heart" astral realm wouldn't have been able to have at least the full intended effect on me.

  Still, that had been, on the face of it, a chilling and significant possibility for me. Thank goodness I did let go of my inhibitions and have that little smash-up session!

  Although the destruction of the two special 'healing' tools looked horrendously negative, actually they had been made in a Buddhist monastic environment, and so my getting rid of them was a part of my making that complete symbolic break with Buddhism. At that time I had no idea that those 'healing' tools were actually extremely harmful and my destroying them had been a Bloody Good Thing! Would that I'd followed suit and destroyed or at least discarded all my other sacred geometry 'healing' aids there and then (i.e. those made by ZM)! For some reason, not very mysterious to me now, the dark force never once sought to get me to get rid of those!

  This raises the inevitable question as to how it came that my deeper aspects didn't similarly direct me to destroy or discard those too. My inner inquiry using energy testing indicates that actually my deeper aspects were all along seeking to get me to do just that, but those attempts were blocked by my dark force reinforced belief that the sacred geometry wands were all very positive and powerful healing tools.
  

  Whereas the dark force would intrusively give you instructions or 'guidance' at the slightest opportunity, your own deepest aspects are able to communicate only in extremely 'quiet' and subtle ways. Such communications thus cannot become effective 'inner guidance' unless one uses means such as energy testing to get some degree of direct 'reading' of them, or one happens to align one's ordinary mind or intent with any of those inner communications, when, in such cases, those communications would reinforce one's intent and cause it to be very deeply felt to have a particular 'soundness' about it.

  In this particular case, I'd already been increasingly seeing the shortcomings in the Buddhist teachings and had altogether distanced myself from them, and I was feeling particularly affronted by the obscenity of the inclusion of a grotesque collection of hells in the Tibetan Buddhist teachings, and the fact that when Tibetan Buddhist students are initiated into Vajrayana they actually have what is in effect a conditional curse put upon them by their 'master' - which is intended to drop them into the Hell of Ultimate Torment if they significantly depart from or slacken on their Vajrayana path - i.e. they would have suffered the same sort of fate that I could well have done if I'd not done my little smash-up job to break my supposed ties with Buddhism. Self realization? Never!

  It was part of the dark force 'story' that I was being given, that I myself had been into Vajrayana myself in at least one previous lifetime, and because of this I was increasingly minded to clear myself of all the trauma and distorted energy of such previous lifetimes, and indeed to cut all apparent connections and ties with Buddhism, including all Vajrayana or other Buddhist vows.

  Thus it was remarkably easy for me to 'hear' what was actually a very subtle and quiet 'nudge' from my deepest aspects concerning cutting those connections - which 'nudge' in any case was automatically relayed to me by the dark force as a very gross nudge because it was actually reinforcing the story of my having had past lives in Buddhism, and my needing to clear connections with all that in order to be the great spiritual teacher and leader for Humanity that the dark force was claiming that I was destined soon to be.

  The dark force, being driven by programming, not a true core consciousness or awareness, could interact with me only in rigid, 'pattern' ways - albeit often sufficiently elaborately to appear superficially to be mimicking intelligent behaviour. So, it actually took over directing me for the little smashing-up orgy of 'cutting my connections with Buddhism' in order to serve one part of its agenda, despite that actually scuppering the particular plan to wreck me by use of those illusory connections. Relying on programming, not aware consciousness, the dark force would never be able to respond in a flexible and fully intelligent way to the complexity and uniqueness of such situations.

• Experience of teleportation of objects
  This was valuable to me in that I gained knowledge from actual experience that such a thing could happen and was not just an invention of particular people's delusional states. On one occasion it was a crystal in a pouch, which was transported from my flat in Exeter virtually instantaneously to me at a location just west of Penzance, over 120 miles away. On another occasion it was one of my healing wands, which was in my living room and then appeared before me in my bedroom while all doors were closed.

  In the first of those occasions I'd simply remembered that I'd forgotten to include this particular Lemurian seed crystal with some others with me while I was being 'pixie-led' by the dark force on the fictitious 'Ahn' scenario already noted - I myself hadn't attempted to will the crystal to come to me at all. On the second occasion, during the short phase of nocturnal supposedly Satanistic practices, I was guided (unwittingly by the dark force) to will the wand to appear on the floor before me in my bedroom, and it did.

  My current understanding of the modus operandi of those teleportations is that at those particular times the dark force had a relatively strong hold on me and was able with some effort to use some of my life force energy to carry out the teleportations. Had I not been enlightened and with a particular part of my awareness relatively well grounded, the dark force could have used my life force energy a lot more to move objects, either to frighten me and other people or to simulate my having great psychic powers and seek to get me onto the 'dark' path of doing public 'miracles' or indeed black magic. Because the dark force very soon had much less and indeed speedily decreasing hold on me, it was no longer able to use my energy to bring about even the smallest physical effects on objects around me. I understand that it is totally unable to affect physical objects directly and can do this only by use of a person's energy field (also known as the aura), and it cannot do that unless the person's awareness is sufficiently ungrounded.

  There was an additional element, however, primarily in the second of those particular events, because at that time a good bit of my awareness was within an astral realm (illusory reality), and this appears to be the case because when I picked up the wand that had appeared on the floor and looked at it in the dim light from the street outside (I was sitting on my bed in the dark in the small hours), I was amazed to see all sorts of proliferations of the merkaba configuration on the wand, and indeed was a bit concerned that it was being damaged by this. So, the teleportation had occurred within the astral realm. However, despite its having happened in an illusory reality, it had also happened in the 'real' reality, for in the morning, once it was getting light, I looked, half expecting to see no wand there on the floor by my bed, or to find it horribly damaged with all sorts of proliferations from its merkaba construction - but there it was, on the floor and in fine condition with no proliferations at all.

  However, although I say I was in an astral realm, on that occasion it's not altogether clear-cut, because that was my fourth or fifth consecutive night with no sleep, and the strange proliferations that I saw on the wand may have been the beginnings of plain sleep deprivation hallucination (something I've not knowingly experienced before nor since, however). I was most likely experiencing a combination of astral realm and the beginning of hallucination, but nonetheless the wand teleportation was genuine as far as I can tell.

  My understanding now is that the dark force was trying, as part of its plan to get me out of body enough for a partial walk-in to occur, to use my energy system to make inanimate objects move about in order to get me freaked out in blind terror. It looks as though one of my attached parasitic 'lost' souls had actually been chosen for me specifically because it was carrying a severe trauma from experiences with that sort of thing happening, relating to the particular person's involvement in 'dark' practices.
  

  That trauma had already been used to torment and attack me very severely when I was a small child, in the terrifying nocturnal experiences that I could loosely call 'second-level night terrors', in which I was in an astral realm where I was pursued and menaced by various inanimate objects that moved around. Ever since then I'd had a morbid dread of the very notion of supposedly inanimate objects moving at all of their own accord.

  However, I'm sure that the dark force was also seeking to get me interested in using such 'special powers', for the purpose of luring me into Satanism or similar. Fortunately I was always very clear from my depths that the use of 'special powers', and particularly teleportation / telekinesis, was highly problematical and something emphatically not for me.

• Introduction to wonderful music that I probably wouldn't have encountered otherwise
  No, the dark force didn't directly introduce me to any music - it has no interest in music except where that can be used as a means of promoting its agenda of gaining more power over people. But that's the point. The dark force motivated me to discover the wonderful visionary music of Frank Perry (centred around metal singing bowls). So, even though the dark force's agenda was consistently highly pernicious, it did actually bring me indirect benefit in that matter - though this was a benefit only because I was immediately aware that the music could have problematical ungrounding effects, and so for the most part I listened to it in more or less grounding contexts.

  Later note (January 2008) - Such music is inherently extremely beneficial, but I say this with a GREAT BIG CAVEAT! The vast majority of people who would enjoy this sort of music would listen in a way that actually makes the music quite seriously harmful to them - and such people include ALL the particular composers / performers of that sort of music who I yet know of. The point here is that the music has pretty vast potential for ungrounding a particular part of your awareness in such a way as to open you very much more to dark force interference and control.
  

  The only safe and beneficial way to listen to such music, then, is to do so in contexts that are strongly grounding, and NEVER associated with meditation nor looking into any supposed higher realities. One of the highly problematical things about such music is the presentation from the composers / artists, such as on CD inserts, of 'spiritual' or metaphysical backgrounds or 'meaning' of their music, which all point to what are really seriously harmful dark force associations of that music - and because the purchaser of such recordings would normally take the composer's word about the music as being some sort of 'gospel', nearly all people who listen to such music would be unwittingly using it to open themselves more to the dark force. For safety it is thus necessary to fully discard from one's mind any 'story' or 'higher reality' associations that the composer claims for the music, and to allow oneself to enjoy the beauty of  the sound of the music with absolutely no 'external' associations or 'special' significances.

  Frank Perry, who produces such music of the highest order, insists to me that he knows people who had adverse effects from some of his singing bowls music, supposedly because they were not fully concentrating on the music, whereas I would counsel people not to concentrate on it in the way that Frank encourages.

  The really safest and in any case definitely most beneficial approach to this issue is simply for anyone to use energy testing to find out for him/herself whether such music is or could be beneficial for them, and what are the most beneficial ways for them personally to go listening to it, and indeed if the way you want to go about it would be harmful. Then it doesn't matter what I or Frank Perry or anyone else says about it, because you can find out for yourself exactly what is right for you.
  

  There was also one particular occasion that still stands out in my mind for the really beautiful music, whose identity I unfortunately never managed to establish. It was in the beginning of December 2004, just two or three days before my second hospitalization, and I was being taken through dire experiences again by the dark force posing as supposed 'guidance'.  The latter on this particular evening was making it clear that once I started going to sleep I'd be beset by demons and would have a monumentally difficult time, and, as a desperate pragmatic measure I'd phoned the out of hours doctor service and actually had a very nice young doctor soon drop in on me with the Diazepam that he'd suggested I use, and a prescription for some more. I didn't know then that Zopiclone would have been not only much more effective for assisting sleep, but also much less harmful.
  

  Anyway, very apprehensively, I got to bed very late, and for the first time ever I didn't close the partition door between my bedroom and living room for the night, and I left the light and the hi-fi radio on, though the latter at an extremely low volume level so as not to disturb anyone, and so that I might drift off - for I was being massively tormented by the dark force over my fear of the dark, and this matter of those demons all just waiting for me the moment I started going off to sleep...

  And so I lay there a very long time, listening to the very quiet music coming from my hi-fi system. I'm not sure whether the radio was tuned to Radio 3 or Classic FM, but there was, I think past midnight, a particular music work that went on for seemingly ages, with sections for different ensembles - sometimes strings, sometimes at least mostly wind instruments, and sometimes a choir. There were some aspects of the music that suggested elements of some works of John Adams or Steve Reich that I've heard, but nothing of those composers' works that I've heard fully matches the sustained beauty and variety of that particular music.
  

  So, there I was, lying there in the subdued light coming through from my living room, on the one hand with the threat of all those supposed demons if/when I fell asleep, and on the other hand just being incredibly peaceful and enraptured by that most beautiful of music that went on and on, with all manner of new surprises in the directions it took.

• Watching a clip from my childhood night terrors visuals as peaceful observer
  Now, I don't mean that I would actually choose, ever, to watch night terrors visuals! But, for me in my enlightened state, when I was shown a re-run of a perhaps ten minutes' sequence of my night terrors visuals from when I was at the princely age of about three, this was an amazing and healing experience, because for the first time I was starting to see what that stuff actually was. I'd never imagined that I'd ever be shown that stuff and actually be able to start understanding what was going on, so it was really quite fascinating and exciting for me, even though being shown that re-run was part of a highly troublesome and intimidating scenario, in which the dark force, posing as my own higher consciousness, was insisting to me that I had to go through extremely severe experiences to heal my alleged (and indeed virtually fictitious) immense childhood night terrors trauma.

  I was shown that sequence on a night in my severe late November to early December 2004 ordeals that led to my second hospitalization, and it was amazing and indeed shocking to watch that 'video', being aware that this was what I had been tormented with as a three-year-old. Much of it was a maelstrom of orgiastic Satanistic-style squirming humanoid figures and all sorts of implications of orgiastic sexual activity and writhing masturbations and ejaculations (generally implied rather than actually explicit), then troupes of various types of unbelievably weird beings passing by, with a certain insect-like quality about them - particularly their twitchiness - and then I was shown a particular terror event as part of the sequence, which had driven me almost out of my mind with terror when I was three(ish), but this time was able to think, "Wow, that's a bit weird and sort-of menacing, but at least it's only a 'movie', and at least the bits all flew off the other way, and it's all gone now!". As I now understand, that particular scene was actually a true nightmare and not a part of the true night hell ('night terrors').

  I was actually quite delighted to have watched that latter scene for another reason too. It gave me at last a likely explanation of a strange inner response of mine to certain scenes in pictures of earthquake damage, where particular buildings were obliquely compressed and sheared, and also a particular one of the limestone quarrying caves in the cliffs by Worth Matravers in Dorset, England, whose entrance also showed such compression shearing. The sight of any of those seemed to be reminding me of some situation of an absolutely indescribable terror and panic - something nightmarish beyond all endurance. So, let's now look at what was probably behind those impressions - though remembering that they and the particular night terror image were most likely stemming from a particular trauma carried by one of my parasitic lost souls, and that could well have been to some extent different yet again.

  The actual nightmare scene shown to me as a culmination of the above-mentioned night terrors sequence from when I was about three, was as follows. The twilight troupes of various insect-like beings and demonic 'things' faded into the shadow as the whole scene darkened. There was a sense of immense menace and foreboding. I could make out the black silhouettes of conifer trees looming up against a twilight sky (their shape suggesting to me as an adult some kind of spruce), and among them, close to me, also pretty well as a black silhouette, was a wooden cabin-like house, which was moving a bit irregularly back and forth in an immensely menacing way. It had a light on in at least one window, indicating that there were people in it.

  Then, as I watched, I think with it still moving about like that, and with unremitting menace, it started compressing from my right, more so with height, so that it was shearing over to my left, the right side increasingly riding up over the left side as it kept compressing further. Then, as the right and left sides met and the whole lot was getting like a grotesque pack of cards all extremely slewed over to my left, the slates on the by then extremely distorted roof all started flying off into the sky, away from me and going out of sight. More and more slates were all flying off in the same way, and over about ten or fifteen seconds the whole compressed and still shearing house progressively converted into roof slates that all flew off into the sky away from me and out of sight, till there was nothing left of the house, and it was a bit lighter then, and there was this weird, incomprehensible and extremely disturbing emptiness where that house had been. It was as though that emptiness held the indescribable evil or 'nastiness' (for at the age of three I don't think I had the concept of 'evil') that had caused that unspeakably frightful thing to happen. And that emptiness was still here!

• My weird hiking experience on 9th September 2006. That was just so 'far out', I couldn't help but look back on it as a fascinating 'highlight'. However, what I also came to understand in late 2008 was that I was still feeling drawn to my memories of that event because my deepest aspects were seeking to draw my attention to something important. It was particularly my going into deeper inquiry about that whole sequence of events in October 2008 that brought to light the attempts on my life by ZM - quickly followed by my recognising the cacoprotean network as my real adversary, with all the possibilities that were then opened up for addressing the long-standing problem of the existence of 'the dark side'.

  So, what was set up to be my grand nemesis turned out to be a key 'handle' for my coming eventually to understand the true nature of the dark force and how I could possibly bring about its own nemesis. Talk of shooting oneself in the foot!

• Seeing the inner workings of 'schizophrenia' During the first two days / nights of my September 2006 hospitalization following the abovementioned weird hiking experience, my awareness was unusually ungrounded and the dark force was able to take me into a whole succession of astral realms (illusory realities) including a remarkably realistic replica of the hospital, in which various weird things happened, which didn't happen in the 'real' hospital. I recount some of those astral realm experiences in the section on supposed alien abductions in 'Astral Entities' - Interference and Attacks from 'The Dark Side'. However, there was a lot more to my experiences than what I relate there, and it was all interspersed with spells of night terrors 'movies' (probably from a variety of sources and not necessarily any from my own childhood), which were all allegedly part of my progressively falling into the beginning of going through a sequence of all the hells that had ever been thought up during the whole of 'Existence', so it was all in a sense extremely intimidating - except that, unsportingly, I kept on being peaceful observer of what I assume was intended to be freaking me out.

  There was a big story that I was being given, which formed a framework for all these goings-on, and one aspect of the story was that the whole 'Cosmos' was just beginning to implode and actually we were all going to go through all those hells for aeons until a new Cosmos had formed and was expanding and we were able to incarnate again. Phew!

  Anyway, most unsportingly, not only was I peaceful observer through all that, so that I experienced it all as extremely novel and fascinating and in a funny sort of way a positive experience, but as I got my awareness more grounded and came out of all that I even more unsportingly got quite elated, for I understood that what I'd been going through was the sort of thing that is happening to people when they get diagnosed as 'schizophrenic'. I had actually been witnessing the inner workings of what those idiot doctors and psychiatrists call schizophrenia.

  The difference in my case was that, being enlightened and also being a healer with plenty of understanding about the underlying non-physical nature of all that we experience, I was able to apply clarity to my experiences and start gaining understanding of what was really going on, so that so-called schizophrenia could be fully healed through actually letting go completely of that iniquitous label and resolving the real problem instead of trying to hide it with medical 'treatments' - the real problem being ungroundedness of part of the awareness, plus major interferences and attacks from the dark force. When you approach these issues in this way, there is no longer a medical nor indeed mental 'condition' that you can call schizophrenia nor indeed call anything else! There is simply healing and self realization work to be done.

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This page will be periodically updated and added to, from, on the one hand, new developments and insights, and on the other hand, my remembering further significant points from the difficult experiences that are now behind me...